My Ex-Wife Said Go to Hell

Immortal Divorce Court #1

by Kirk Zurosky

Welcome to a world where mythological creatures mess up their relationships just like we do. With a forever ex, the drama never goes away!

Immortal vampire assassin Sirius Sinister learns this the hard way when he's served divorce papers by Bloodsucker Number One--a shady woman from his past--he realizes there's a major problem: he was never even married to her, or so he thought. Regardless of the truth, Sirius is put under the jurisdiction of Immortal Divorce Court.

You would think by now he'd know having sex can lead to horrific consequences like marriage, children, and ex-wives--but some habits just won't die. Leaving his faithful vampire Maltese, Garlic, behind, Sirius travels to court to defend himself with the help of his demon attorney, Maximillian Justice. Unfortunately, the trial quickly spirals out of control, and Sirius is banished to hell for a hundred years.

When Sirius finally escapes, he ends up in the Caribbean where he meets his next paramour: the Howler. After a wild romp with his new werewolf lover under the lure of a full blood moon, he finds himself becoming the father of a litter of pups--but, the Howler and her Pack want to put the dead in deadbeat dad. Luckily, Sirius is saved by the Queen of the Merfolk, who comes with a hidden agenda even as they fall in love. Can he make it work with the Queen, or will he have to head to Immortal Divorce Court once again as yet another relationship flounders?

Genres: Paranormal, Fantasy, Romance, Vampires, Romantasy, Urban Fantasy, Paranormal Romance

345 pages, Kindle Edition

Published April 7, 2020

About the author

Kirk Zurosky Bio: Kirk Zurosky has practiced plaintiff’s personal injury and workers’ compensation law in North Carolina and South Carolina for over twenty years. He finds working as an attorney helping those that have been injured to be incredibly rewarding. He has enjoyed writing poems, and fiction stories, since he was a child. Writing was his first love, or so he thought until he met his wife, Susie. That is when he realized what love really was all about, and that he could write one Hell of a sex scene. In Kirk’s spare time he enjoys traveling the world with Susie, world history and cultures, fitness, and experiencing all the wonder that life has to offer!

Daisy Zurosky Bio: After making her escape from a big box puppy mill during which she suffered the horrible indignity of wearing a blingy pink dress, Daisy has been taking care of the Family for the last eleven years. She spends her days checking the perimeter of the house, barking at passersby when she is outside, and sleeping in laundry baskets. She also surveys the backyard trying to come up with a plan to catch the wild bunnies that mock her with their impossible speed. She is a certified expert in treats, cheese, and dog toys, and will absolutely growl at you if you have the nerve to stop petting her. The Family unanimously states that there has never been a finer dog than Daisy.

Reviews

[Allen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked this book to read because it had a vampire Maltese as a character. I mean how funny is that? I wasn't disappointed because Garlic, the vampire Maltese, in this series is awesome! If you like reading about vampires, werewolves and the like, you will love Immortal Divorce Court. Something about immortal mythological creatures having the same problems as us poor mortals, makes for a compelling and funny read. It's got some hysterical one-liners, so give it a try. And, the right amount of spicy scenes, too.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was looking for something different to read, and saw Immortal Divorce Court. It had a vampire Maltese, and looked like a funny, adult read. I was NOT disappointed! If you like great dialogue, sexy scenes, adventure, and people being people, this book is for you. I can't tell you how many times I laughed out loud. The situations that Sirius Sinister and Garlic get into are so creative - and the relationship dynamics and court scenes are pure gold. Binge worthy! I'm on to Volume 2 - get this book - perfect book for by the pool or at the beach.

[Nina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Immortal Divorce Court is just sexy, crazy, and truly unique fun! Yes, I loved this book. Now, I especially appreciated the relationship drama of the characters. If you are over the age of 40, than you remember what it was like to actually have to talk to people, and interact with them without the crutch or excuse of a phone. We couldn't hide behind a text! And, you know what -- some really, really good stuff sometimes happened, and some really bad stuff happened because that is what happens when people interact. Love, lust, and making poor decisions was part of growing up. That's what the author has captured with his main character, Sirius Sinister. Yup, there are consequences to being young and stupid. Been there, done that! Some of these courtroom scenes are simply hysterical. I can't wait to read Volume 2 because I can see that Sirius is on his way to figuring it out. Though it is funny as heck when he doesn't. Oh, and a vampire Maltese is in this series. Garlic is her name -- she's fierce. Read this book - if you have some life experience on you - you'll love it!!!!

[Janet · Rating 5 out of 5]

Immortal Divorce Court is pure adult fun! I loved the relationship drama and mishaps. What a cool concept to have immortal creatures going through things like divorce that a good lot of us know so much about! Volume One is a great introduction to the adventures of immortal vampire assassin, Sirius Sinister, and his adorable but feisty, vampire Maltese, Garlic. And, it really made me laugh! Looking forward to starting Volume Two!

[April · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! This book is really unique! I've never read anything like it. It's funny, sexy, has great characters, and a well thought out plotline that make for entertainment galore. As I was reading, all I could think of was how this book would be perfect for turning into a TV series that I would binge watch for sure! So, I am going to binge read Volume Two of Immortal Divorce Court until it is on TV! Definitely a must-read!

[Joyce · Rating 5 out of 5]

This series is truly unique with a really cool cast of characters that includes a sassy vampire Maltese! I really enjoyed the concept of immortal creatures having the same kind of issues as we all have with relationships. The dialogue is witty, and the pacing is excellent. Immortal Divorce Court is the next series that I am going to be reading. Try it if you like adult humor, sexy scenes, great adventures, and well-developed characters.

[Brock · Rating 5 out of 5]

Immortal Divorce Court is creative, fun, and made me laugh! What a great pandemic read!

[Anahi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great storyline! Funny, romantic, and plenty of adventure! Perfect for a cold, winter night!

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Immortal Divorce Court is an engaging, sexy, and fun read!

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have to say that I've never read anything like Immortal Divorce Court! A friend said the series is funny, sexy, and different. I guess I can keep them as a friend because they were spot on. Loved the storyline, and the set-up for the next book. The thing I liked most were the courtroom scenes - well-done, and hilarious. On to Volume 2 for me!

[Kristen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Immortal Divorce Court is a real page-turner! I couldn't wait to see what adventures (and misadventures) would happen with Sirius Sinister, and Garlic. It's a completely different (in a good way!) take on the past vampire romance I have read. There are some hysterical scenes that had me laughing out loud. Very creative work, and I am looking forward to reading Volume 2.

[Jon · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've found my new favorite series! Immortal Divorce Court is amazing! Love the concept, the characters, and most of all -- it's really funny/punny. Kept cracking up at the dialogue, and what was happening in the storyline. Perfect book for lying by the pool, and relaxing with your fave beverage of choice. On to Volume 2...

[Alexandra Danjel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! Kirk Zurosky has come up with a hilarious take on vampire romance! I loved the puns, and the spicy scenes. The courtroom scenes are witty and the writing style is very visual. This series would make a great movie! I can't wait to read the next book!

[Jess · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book, and especially the vampire Maltese, Garlic. Immortal Divorce Court is full of dialogue that is snarky, witty, and punny. It's a unique world of fun, romance, and drama. Great book to escape the crazy of the world with. I really enjoyed reading it!

[Tristan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the first time I read this author, and I wasn't disappointed. Immortal Divorce Court uses history in a clever way, and is really different from anything I have ever read. The dialogue is witty and there are a lot of puns. Funny, funny stuff! And, sexy, too.

[Emily Smiyh · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! If you want to laugh out loud Immortal Divorce Court is for you!

[Kayla · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read! Loved the characters, and especially the vampire Maltese! It's clever, and reads real fast.

[Dana · Rating 5 out of 5]

Immortal Divorce Court is a great pre-Valentines Day read no matter if things are going good or bad for you in that department! Racy, funny, and filled with adventure!

[Susan Briggs · Rating 5 out of 5]

Immortal Divorce Court Volume One: My Ex-Wife Said Go to Hell is hilarious! Finally something different in the vampire romance category! I loved the snarky humor, clever puns, and sexy romance scenes. I also really enjoyed the story building and character development. Clearly, Kirk Zurosky has lots of adventures planned for Sirius Sinister and Garlic, the vampire Maltese, and I can’t wait for Volume 2!

[Carolyn Pepe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book!! It caught my attention from the first page. Really enjoyed following Sirius through Hell and back. The book is very well written and has a great combination of interesting characters, humor and suspense. I am very much looking forward to seeing what happens in the next book. Getting to know Sirius’ personality from the first book, I think we will be in for a real treat!!

[Dee · Rating 5 out of 5]

I haven't laughed that hard reading a book in I don't know how long! Immortal Divorce Court keeps the action and romance coming, and I loved the banter between the main characters. Between the hilarious courtroom scenes, the relationship drama, and the vampire Maltese, read this book to escape for a while!

[Carolyn Pepe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book! Really kept me reading! I love the way the author writes -- you can visualize everything you are reading. It's interesting to see how the characters are being introduced. I can't wait to see what situations Sirius gets into in the second book!

[M Hughes · Rating 5 out of 5]

Immortal Divorce Court is the hilarious start of the zany adventures of the dashing immortal vampire assassin, Sirius Sinister, and his fierce vampire Maltese, Garlic. Sirius is supposed to go further his education, but instead gives in to his rather mortal desires and ends up in a series of relationships that are bad for him, and enjoyable as literal Hell for us. I think all of us can relate to bad relationship choices, but the situations Sirius gets into had me chuckling out loud to myself. This book has witty dialogue, memorable characters, sexy scenes, and great pacing. Immortal Divorce Court is a fantastic introduction to a well-developed world of pure fun! I can’t wait for the next book!!!!

[Robert Kick · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would recommend Immortal Divorce Court to anyone who's been divorced and enjoys their vampires, werewolves, and mermaids, with a side of sexy. Mr. Zurosky has taken immortals and made them more human and likable than ever. Inventive, hysterical and engaging, you'll fall in love with Sirius, well...everyone falls in love with Sirius!

[Gina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Immortal Divorce Court is some really funny stuff. The adventures of the immortal vampire assassin Sirius Sinister, and his awesome vampire Maltese kept me chuckling and turning the pages. It's sexy, witty, and uses history in a clever way. Set in the 1500s and 1600s, I think it accurately portrays the dynamic between women and men in this time period and at the same time flipping that on its head by giving the reader some powerful and well-developed female characters. Loved the Winter Witch! I also like the evolving of Sirius Sinister as the book goes on as he learns about life, adult relationships, and responsibility. It's a fun ride (especially love the hilarious court scenes), and I'm looking forward to the next volume!

[Hugo · Rating 5 out of 5]

An absolutely amazing book! It is incredibly funny with engaging characters, and witty dialogue! Immortal Divorce Court will keep you very entertained as the adventures of Sirius Sinister, and his vampire Maltese, Garlic unfold. It's a real page turner, and I can't wait to read the next volume!

[Emely Hidalgo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Immortal Divorce Court Volume One is an entertaining book with funny dialogue, great characters, and clever use of history. The courtrooms scenes are truly laugh out loud, and the wittiness of the dialogue makes this a must read! Looking forward to the next volume!

[Ashley Delph · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful! Overall Immortal Divorce Court is hysterical, and definitely for the lover of adventure and fantasy genre. I'm looking forward to reading more of Garlic's adventures!

[Jason · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an awesome book! The pace and action kept me interested and guessing as to what was going to happen next. The author writes some very, very funny dialogue, and uses actual history in a unique and creative way. It also has powerful, in charge female characters, realistic relationship portrayals, and nice character growth as the book goes on. None of us made good decisions in our younger days! Immortal Divorce Court is an engaging new world of romantic comedy, and should be next on your list to read.

[Jlgonz · Rating 5 out of 5]

A lot of fun! Love the cities used as the backdrop for the story. Action packed and hard to put down.