Year of the Cock: The Remarkable True Account of a Married Man Who Left His Wife and Paid the Price

by Alan Wieder

From a powerful new voice in nonfiction comes this electrifying chronicle of a married man who leaves his wife to pursue a carefree bachelorhood - only to plunge into an abyss of shame, regret, and penis envy.

Thirty-year-old Alan Wieder has everything a man could possibly a nice home in L.A., a thriving Hollywood career, and to top it all off, a beautiful and adoring wife. Then one day in 2005 - the Year of the Rooster - he wakes up with Have I settled down too soon? Am I consigned to a humdrum future of marriage, kiddies, home-cooked meals and hybrid SUVs? How the %&! did this happen to me?

And just like that - after ten years in a committed relationship - Alan decides to walk out on his wife to pursue his fantasy of becoming a hardcore bachelor. Explaining very little, thinking even less, he dives into his exhilarating new single existence - buying a vintage Porsche, moving into a tastefully decorated bachelor pad, ignoring his wife, and bedding as many chicks as possible. However, to Alan's surprise and dismay, becoming a single dude also unleashes in him a torrent of crippling insecurities that he didn't even know he had. And soon, his would-be swingin' bachelorhood is cut short - very short - by a strange and shameful obsession that drives him to utter madness.

Some men leave their wives only to discover that the grass isn't greener. What Alan Wieder discovers - about the perils of newfound freedom, and about his own fragile male psyche - is far more agonizing and wretched. In this riveting and brutally honest memoir, Alan recounts the true story of his impulsive, wild, and ultimately disastrous foray into bachelorhood. A tragicomic tale of betrayal, sexual (mis)adventure, and ultimately redemption, Year of the Cock marks the debut of a remarkably talented new writer.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Autobiography

320 pages, Hardcover

First published July 22, 2009

About the author

Hello. My name is Alan Wieder. It just so happens that in 2005, the Year of the Rooster, I acted like a real cock. It was an interesting coincidence. I wrote a book about it. It's out now. I'm still kind of a cock, but now I'm a published author, so F.U. Just kiddin'. I love you all.

I am a writer and producer in Los Angeles. I graduated Columbia University in 1995 with honors and once planned on attending a high-falutin’ PhD program in Comparative Literature -–before, through a strange twist of fate, I wound up pursuing a career in decidedly low-falutin’ reality television.

As a producer, I worked on a bunch of schlocky shows that critics liked to claim spelled the end of respectable culture: Temptation Island, Joe Millionaire -- you name it, I was a part of it in some way. Along with my producing partner Steve Sobel, I was one of the creators of the smash-hit My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé for FOX.

Steve and I got a break a few years ago and are now writing feature films for several major studios. Sometimes I miss toying with people's minds for a living. Year of the Cock is my first book.

I was born in Miami Beach in 1974 of an uptight-little-French-lady mother and an obscenely hirsute father. Neither are happy with how they are portrayed in my book. I live with my girlfriend Carley, my three-year-old son Roman, and my rather dimwitted schnauzer Cosmo.

I am no longer obsessed with my penis, which gives me a lot more time to think about my g.f.'s vagina.

Thanks for visiting, and feel free to get in touch. I'd love to hear from you.

Reviews

[Cynthia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I refuse to believe that men act like this or think like this.....ok maybe there are a few aberrations such as Wieder, men who create mean spirited reality shows, men who are used to exploiting others, even make a great living at doing so. And why did his friends support him in his self destructive behavior? The first chapter was horrid. I promised myself I'd read the second and if it was still as bad I'd stop reading. It did get better but not by much. It's 10 or so unrelieved chapters of self indulgent whining and justification with a mild icing of `insight', in fact only the last chapter even attempts to share his redemption or, if not redemption, at least an attempt to crawl out of the pit he'd dug himself but that's merely a thin veneer of blaming his problems on his daddy. I'm gob smacked that anyone could find this book amusing. He ruthlessly crushes the person who has every reason to expect his love, devotion, caring. Wieder writes well and clearly however.

[Firefly · Rating 1 out of 5]

I'm a girl who's always had a lot of kool artsy guy friends. I think that is the reason I was so interested in this other type of guy's brain. The douchebag jock never appealed to me. Not that Wieder is a jock. He's the dood with an over-inflated sense of himself that doesn't really have any empathy for anyone else. In short, a full blown narcissist. Still interested? I was! I really wanted a look inside the life and thoughts of a successful guy who leaves his wife to go back to frat life. Why did he get married in the first place? Duhhh.. He doesn't know. Why did he feel compelled to leave his wife?? Uhhh.. young pussy?? You might be sitting there thinking "oooh, that was crass." It's really not after sitting with this book for hours. It's exactly what this guy is. I could have handled the shallow digressions and frat-boy lifestyle choices had Wiener been a sympathetic character... But he's not. Could you say, 'He made some dumb decisions, but he's a decent guy who just kinda had an ego-crisis'?? I couldn't. I really can't say anything positive about him, or his shows either.
Like other reviewers I was initially attracted to this book the way ppl were to Jersey Shore. I wanted to be titilated and horrified. But I have to say Jersey Shore was a lot better on those counts. At least you felt these ppl were basically decent (however flawed) characters.
I realized while I was reading Wieder's book that I was thinking about things such as laundry, work, and other books I was going to read. I'm not kidding. It became really tedious and I just felt like I was hanging with some very uninteresting teenagers who were trying to lose their virginity. And since these guys are supposed to be grown men, I started feeling they were pathetic. I don't say that as a swipe because I think men are dogs or some such nonsense, I was excited to read this book. But honestly.. It felt pathetic at a certain point.
If nothing else it's a really good example that success isn't always about education, intelligence, and hard work. No, it's often quite the opposite. Not that AW didn't put in long hours of work mind you. But it brings into focus what connections, luck, swagger, and timing can also get you. Oh, and don't forget a super HUGE ego.

[Kater Cheek · Rating 3 out of 5]

I should find it ironic that the memoir of a man who produces reality television should read so much like a reality tv show itself. As with the worst of unscripted television, I found myself fascinated, yet repulsed, horrified, yet enthralled.

Alan Weider is proof positive that if women could read men's minds, we would never, ever date them. When Weider's workaholic schedule and puerile lack of empathy damage his 2 year marriage to his wife Sam, Weider decides that her anger and frustration is intolerably denying him his life's privilege--that of drinking himself blotto and fucking everything with a vagina.

Without explanation, he does just this, moving out of the apartment he shares with his wife into a bachelor pad where he can screw the numerous young hotties LA has to offer. He does offer half-hearted reasons for this, e.g. when Sam's father died, he had to be a grown up and support her emotionally, and that was too hard for him, boo hoo, but mostly he just lets his dick lead him around. His wife, meanwhile, calls him incessantly, but he never returns her calls or listens to the voicemails.

Finally, after many months of balling every woman he can, buying a ridiculous car, and drinking far too much alcohol, Weider starts to worry that his penis is small. This feeling becomes an obsession, the American version of Koro. He starts to do painful penis-enlargement exercises. In between all-night benders, where he drinks too much and laments that his penis is too small to screw all the women he wants to screw, he measures his dick over and over again. Finally, he goes to a psychiatrist in hopes that he can get some drugs.

When the Xanax the shrink gives him doesn't work, he finally calls his wife hoping that if he can reconcile with her, his penis-size-obsession will lessen. She, shockingly enough, wants a divorce. At this point he has real remorse, and finally cries and pleads his way into a temporary reconciliation.

I'm not sure how I feel about this book. It feels like a morality play, writ with excessive swear words for a modern audience. I skipped quite a few of the passages wehre he talked about his cock. I'm not as interested in his penis as Weider is, but I think that perhaps no one on the earth is as interested in his penis as Weider is. What was the reader supposed to take from this? "Guys, listen to me, it just isn't worth it to buy a Porsche, drink like a fish, and fuck 20-something hotties?" Or maybe the lesson is, "Guys, it doesn't matter what a selfish douche you are, no matter what you do, your woman will take you back (at least for a litttle while)?"

Or maybe the reader was supposed to just cringe, slightly revolted, as a disgusting man showed us more about himself than anyone really wanted to know. Maybe men were supposed to read this and laugh, seeing their own lustful selfishness writ large in a (humorous?) script, like an x-rated Homer Simpson. As for me, I feel amused, horrified, and guilty at having enjoyed it, as I do when I've seen a particularly egregious example of reality television. "Have they no shame?" followed by the realization that I, too, have no shame, because I didn't have the decency to turn away.

Pass the popcorn.

[Stew · Rating 3 out of 5]

Year of the Cock was, for the most part, very clever and witty. Weider's ability to capture his audience is undeniable and his description of this period of his life was very interesting. What kept me from rating this book 5 stars is the fact that I felt that the book he sold us was somewhat different from the book he delivered. I had hoped for a book which would be not only funny but would also be uplifting at the end and give people who are struggling with marriage hope that things are better together.

The problem is that his unhappiness had very little to do with his marriage and more to do with the size of his penis. While I get the fact that this is what sent him over the edge, it got old really quick and eventually just stopped being interesting. He should have spent more time dealing with his relationships and the consequences of his issues rather than the issues themselves.

Also, at times the book felt very juvenile and he came across as overly cocky. That is also what made the book endearing and interesting but at times it took away from the credibility of his story.

Overall I liked it but it most certainly isn't a book for everyone.

[Mary BookHounds · Rating 4 out of 5]

Be warned--not a book for anyone who doesn't want to read about a guy and his relationship with his, well, you know. This is a very funny book in parts and will appeal to guys in their 20-30's, much like Tucker Max. A memoir that is much like a train wreck, in that you can't imagine that guys think like this and can't stop reading it, but know they are more neurotic than women about their body parts.

[Janet · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought this book was f*cking hilarious.

[Johnny Diaz · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wasn't sure what I was getting into when I began reading "Year of the Cock" by Alan Wieder.

For one, a rooster stares side-eyed from the book's cover. Was this about a bird?

I also went to elementary, middle and high school in Miami Beach with the author where we shared several classes including French, English and Journalism. We worked together well when he was my editor at our high school newspaper "The Beachcomber" our junior and senior years. Alan was a serious, whip-smart intellectual, a great writer and tennis player whose laugh I would hear from across our newsroom. I knew he eventually went to Columbia University in New York and then I lost track of him.

Years later when I learned about his 2009 memoir (which he noted is 87 percent true,) I was curious to find out what happened in his life after Miami Beach. I was not disappointed as I read the book in the Year of the Rat.

The "Year of the Cock" follows Alan's mid-life crisis at the age of 30 in Los Angeles where he worked as a successful reality TV producer of hits such as "My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance,'' "Joe Millionaire" and "Temptation Island."

It's 2005, the Year of the Rooster, and Alan was married to a lovely interior designer named Samantha whom he met in college. They had been in a committed relationship for 10 years including more than two years married. The book follows his decision to leave her so he can live the ultimate life of a lothario, boozing, partying and hooking up with younger women in L.A.

He lived in a fellow producer's fancy estate and then his own bachelor pad. For his new life, Alan bought a classic Porsche 951 and embarked on his debauchery while listening to gangster rap.

The decision to leave his wife was complicated, a mix of external family issues, an imbalance with the work-to-home-life ratio (Alan was working 14 to 18 hour days on his shows,) boredom and resentments that built up over time. The story is told through Alan's point-of-view so the reader doesn't really get to hear much of Samantha's voice.

Three months into his new bachelor life, Alan stood naked and looked at himself in the bathroom mirror and he became obsessed with his penis.

"I tried every means of halting the nagging thought in my head: My penis is too small, too small, too small, too small," Alan described in one chapter.

"My penis looks smaller than it did yesterday, and even smaller than it did the day before that," he continued.

"My mind fulminated worse than ever with catastrophic thoughts about my penis, myself and my life such as it had become," Alan wrote in chapter 7.2.

To help him deal with these unwanted penile thoughts, Alan began researching the average penis size using charts and measurement tactics including a Ninja Turtles six-inch ruler and tape measure. He also looked up celebrity penises for comparisons and watched pornos to gauge various sizes.

He then started experimenting with methods of PE (penis enlargement) which included weeks of rubbing, pulling, tugging, twisting, stretching, ouch! One method seemed to help grow it a bit. (For inquiring minds, he said he falls in the "above average territory" in chapter 6.0)

When the penis fixation became all too much, Alan turned to a psychotherapist who gave him the tools to deal with the penis craziness, the "issue of inadequate self-identity" and the factors that led to the marital troubles with his wife (and then trying to make things right.)

In a funny way, the book serves as the ultimate thesaurus for the word penis. I never knew there could be so many words for it but Alan found or came up with them. They include schlong, pong, pecker, dong, snorkel, pisser, rod, blood bomber, wang, sword, and of course, cock (and the list went on and one and so did the pages about his penis paranoia.)

The book is an honest, entertaining look at about how Alan got his groove back and how he began to work on himself mentally and emotionally, with help from the therapist and his childhood best friend, producing partner and actor Steve Sobel (whom I also went to elementary, middle and high school with.)

While it was hard to read about Alan drinking, hungover, partying and ignoring his wife's calls for months, I appreciated his love for his amigo, his consorte, his compadre. Both grew up as Jewish kids in Miami Beach. And reading about those flashbacks about their many firsts and North Beach Elementary oily pizza square lunches brought back some of my own happy childhood memories.

The scenes with Steve are funny and sweet and they lighten and carry the book: Two pals who know each other inside and out and support one another, no matter what. As Alan leaned on Steve in figuring out his new bachelor life and his penis-obsession, Alan too supported Steve as he wrestled with his jitters about getting married to his longtime girlfriend Marita.

Steve generously gave Alan some of his old furniture for his new bachelor pad and gladly helped him move using his Ford pickup. Alan organized a fun and simple bachelor party in a cabin in the woods and nailed his toast at his wedding. There is a real love there and their scenes could have easily been part of a reality TV show all together or the basis of an Adam Sandler movie.

Maybe the book should have been called "Year of the Friend" because that's what I took away from it, that no matter what happens in life, having a good friend by your side can make all the difference, especially during an early mid-life crisis or while creating a reality show.

[Chocolate & Croissants · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is probably one of the most disgusting books I have ever read. I have read my share of trash and in the trash can is where this book belongs. Wieder is the producer of reality tv My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancee and attempted show Your Band Sucks. After two years of marriage he walks out on his wife of two years, fails to return one single phone call and goes on a quest to have as much sex as possible-after depleting their accounts to buy a Porsche and some hi-fi equipment. Narcissistic is an understatement. He is beyond obsessed with the size of his genitilia-to the point of getting penis enlargement. One of his dates tells him her father was murdered and his response is a comment regarding the size of his penis. He is so obsessed that he goes on to gay porn sites to compare his size to others. Six months later in a state of depression and self pity-he calls his wife and is shocked when she has not much good to say to him. Somehow he reconciles with her only to have a child and get divorced. While the writing is not bad-Weider cannot go a paragraph without the F.Word. What for me was the final disgust is that he calls his wife the B and C word. Completely tasteless.

[Shawnette · Rating 5 out of 5]

It took me almost three years to read this book even though the author sent me a large print book so I didn't need my reading glasses. My girlfriends said that this book is all about some guy named Alan Wieder's private parts and the fact that he's mean to women. I think they read a different book than the one I finished because I found this book to be funny, self deprecating in voice, with an observant view point on pain. It's a book about loving, losing, and how things go wrong and growing and changing. And how people overcome OCD and pain and succeed in Los Angeles. I hope Alan finds a woman some day who can beat him at skee ball and can love art and music like he does and she can love him fully for who he is because then you will read Alan Wieder's next great bestseller novel. That woman may not exist but a great author like Alan can invent her in fiction novel. If she she does exist I hope Alan Wieder finds her. Spoiler: this book is not really about chickens or penis and it's eloquent and comedic writing. Apparently no chickens or roosters were killed in the process of writing this novel according to an article I read about the author. Even though it took me almost three years to finish it was worth my time.

[John Marr · Rating 2 out of 5]

Normally, I'm not one for memoirs of appalling assholes. But this one transcends the men-behaving-badly genre, albeit unwittingly.

Wieder was an up & coming reality TV show producer who suddenly left his wife for a premature (he was only 30) midlife crisis, complete with Porsche, bachelor pad, and a limitless supply of Hollywood pussy. Pretty insufferable, expecially with his penchant for raving about early 80's punk bands who would probably punch him in the nose if they could.

Then, enter an internet video of Limp Biskit frontman Fred Durst doing some poor groupie. This disgusting spectacle somehow left Wieder obsessed with the size of his penis. He spends the balance of the book mordidly obsessing over the size of his member, obsessively measuring it with his collection (!) of rulers, and drinking to forget his inadequacy. And then he enrolls in a penis extension program...

Nothing like a little schadenfreude.

[Mark · Rating 2 out of 5]

What started out with so much promise ended up flaccid (if you read this you'll get the pun). I'm not unhappy to the point of (well, that's 12 hours I won't get back), but the book ends up as a case study in mental illness. Instead of living vicariously through Wieder's choices, I began wondering what clinical diagnosis would eventually come of the book.

In the end I realize I'm sane. Therefore, my rational choices not to leave my wife or become focused on my penis are simply that: rational. This is in opposition to the guy that could have lived the year of the cock instead of trying to choke the chicken.

[Jo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wieder recounts his experiences of 2005 when he left his wife after 10 years together and embarked on a life of swinging bachelorhood endeavouring to do all the things his marriage stopped him from doing. Including banging as many women as possible. So, at first I hated this guy; he truly was a cock, a tool, a total spanner. And by the end of the book I thought he was a tit. But, he was remarkably honest about his feelings and non-feelings for his wife, his pursuit of women only for the contents of their pants and his seemingly endless obsession with his penis. It's frank and raw and, whatever your feelings for the author, a compelling read.

[Shawna · Rating 3 out of 5]

A complete narcissist writes a book and this is it. I did find it to be quite unflattering, so therefore I suspect, mostly honest, and it was fairly entertaining, (although I did skip over big chunks of his renderings of his obsessive thoughts.) I like reading books like this occassionally to remind myself of the mentality that some men possess. It saddens me to think that there are thousands of men who spend all day trolling penis growth websites and looking at pictures of other men and obsessively comparing themselves. I'm glad this guy got help, and maybe this book can help others by speaking the unspeakable.

[Tyler · Rating 3 out of 5]

Half of this book is about all the cool shit Alan Wider gets up to when he leaves his wife. The second is about how he develops a weird and unpleasant obsession with his penis. That is to say, half of it is a really fun read, and the rest is a boring 100+ pages of a man monotonously describing in great detail his hatred for his own dick. The novels finale is quite anticlimactic and predictable which is unfortunately the biggest flaw with this otherwise decent read.

[S · Rating 1 out of 5]

Unfortunately, I found this book boring, repetitive, and poorly written. I started skimming about halfway through, hoping the story would pick up, or the author would write about something other than his penis. No such luck....I finished the book only because I'm one of those people who *has* to finish.

[Jennifer Schwindt gorder · Rating 3 out of 5]

I did read the book straight through (took me only 1 1/2 days), but I did skim the annoying parts where the author OBSESSES about his penis. It goes on for pages and pages and gets old quick. The book was kinda depressing too, but it was his version of reality, and reality ain't always great. It was enlightening to get into the male mind. They really do need more than just sex.

[Elixxir · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can understand why so many people hated this book but honestly I could not stop laughing. I should have been affronted as a woman, blah blah blah. I never thought a man obsessed with his dick for 200+ pages could be that funny for that long but it was. I may need counselling.

[Tiffany Shaw · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is a very strange book. Based on one guy's life but he is very odd and a little disturbing. Not sure if I would recommend it.

[Cynthia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Male counterpart to Eat, Pray, Love (Gilbert) and Happens Every Day (Gillies), sort of.

[Teena · Rating 4 out of 5]

I started reading this book thinking it would be funny. Instead, I found it bittersweet and a bit disturbing.