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I Love Yous Are for White People
"In I Love You Are for White People , author Lac Su offers a face--his face--as a window into the experiences of impoverished Asian refugees. Su recounts the formative events of his childhood and adolescence, all of which bear the theme of searching for love and community within the confines of racial identity and socioeconomic status. From an academic perspective, many facets of Su's memoir are pregnant with social commentary but Su maintains focus on the humanistic aspects of his family's stories . . . emboldening us with the initiative to create a more hospitable America."
- Leung, Chung (2014) "Book Review: I Love Yous Are for White People," Hispanic Journal of Behavioral Sciences: Vol. 36, Article 2. Stanford University, CA, USA
- Leung, Chung (2014) "Book Review: I Love Yous Are for White People," Hispanic Journal of Behavioral Sciences: Vol. 36, Article 2. Stanford University, CA, USA
272 pages, Paperback
First published May 1, 2009
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August 18, 2019
I've talked about the memoir continuum before. If I had graphics skills I'd draw a picture, but basically there's two poles: one called "has a life interesting enough to warrant writing a memoir" and the other called "is capable of writing well enough to describe that life in a way that doesn't make you want to stab yourself in the eye." Somewhere else I gave examples for the four resulting categories (unique life + good writing; unique life + bad writing; boring life + good writing; boring life + bad writing). I'm not doing that again.
What I am doing is telling you that Lac Su is in category 2, which is not the worst but is still bad, and which means that I cannot recommend that you go out and buy this book, or read it on your newfangled electronic reading device or whatever. You could, like I did, get it for free at a book swap because the title is awesome, and then you could slog through as he mangles what should be a harrowing, impressive story, just ruining it with terrible writing, and you could cringe and cringe and cringe.
I'm really really glad this book was free, is what I'm trying to say.
If you are less of an editor (or maybe less of a bitch) than me, I'd like to reiterate that the story is a fascinating one. Lac and his fam flee Vietnam in a hail of communist gunfire, nearly die on a ship, make it to the good ol' U S of A and are welcomed with open arms right into South-Central LA. Lac's dad is a monster, his friends are all in gangs, and lots of really awful stuff both happens to and is done by him.
He just can't write about it.
As I've also said elsewhere, I only partially blame Lac for this. Not everyone is born to be a writer! But when you pick up a book that has gone through the traditional publishing process, you have certain expectations that differ from those you'd have for, say, a self-published ebook. Or you should. Or you used to be able to? At this point the lines are all blurring, so what is the fucking point of going to a major publisher anymore.
This problem is becoming endemic to the whole industry, and since I work there too, I could definitely talk for a long-ass time about all the reasons this is true. That's another thing I'm not doing now.
But seriously, Harper Perennial, have you guys got any fucking editors left over there? What is going on that no one could help this guy write a book that deserved to be published, especially since he has a story that really deserves to be told?
What I am doing is telling you that Lac Su is in category 2, which is not the worst but is still bad, and which means that I cannot recommend that you go out and buy this book, or read it on your newfangled electronic reading device or whatever. You could, like I did, get it for free at a book swap because the title is awesome, and then you could slog through as he mangles what should be a harrowing, impressive story, just ruining it with terrible writing, and you could cringe and cringe and cringe.
I'm really really glad this book was free, is what I'm trying to say.
If you are less of an editor (or maybe less of a bitch) than me, I'd like to reiterate that the story is a fascinating one. Lac and his fam flee Vietnam in a hail of communist gunfire, nearly die on a ship, make it to the good ol' U S of A and are welcomed with open arms right into South-Central LA. Lac's dad is a monster, his friends are all in gangs, and lots of really awful stuff both happens to and is done by him.
He just can't write about it.
As I've also said elsewhere, I only partially blame Lac for this. Not everyone is born to be a writer! But when you pick up a book that has gone through the traditional publishing process, you have certain expectations that differ from those you'd have for, say, a self-published ebook. Or you should. Or you used to be able to? At this point the lines are all blurring, so what is the fucking point of going to a major publisher anymore.
This problem is becoming endemic to the whole industry, and since I work there too, I could definitely talk for a long-ass time about all the reasons this is true. That's another thing I'm not doing now.
But seriously, Harper Perennial, have you guys got any fucking editors left over there? What is going on that no one could help this guy write a book that deserved to be published, especially since he has a story that really deserves to be told?
October 22, 2011
Being Asian, I took one look at the title — “I Love Yous Are For White People” — and took it for granted that it’d be written by a fellow Asian.
I don’t really ever remember either of my parents telling me that they loved me — and when I mentioned this to a white friend, she just looked at me with incredible pity…but, it never really bothered me because, unlike the author of this book, I always fully realized that just because someone doesn’t tell you that they love you, often actions speak louder than words. (Though, his father’s actions leave a lot to be desired and his love in question.)
I really wanted to like this book, but it wasn’t really well-written — and here, I always pit blame on the editor because while everybody seems to think that they can write, not everyone can actually edit well, pushing the author to pare down a story into something that could have actually been really very good.
There’s no denying that Su’s childhood was traumatic — his family had to flee from the Communists (literally running for the rickety boats at the dock and then nearly drowning at sea) and was forced to immigrate to seedy Los Angeles, living in the squalid projects, where Su faced the usual growing pains of any new immigrant.
Add child molestation by a cousin — which was roundly ignored by his mother — and frequent physical abuse by his father, who suffered from depression, physical ailments and old school Asian thinking…and what do you get? A misguided kid looking for love and acceptance in all the wrong places — namely an Asian gang.
I know this sounds bad, but there were a couple of times in the book where Su was describing something incredibly stupid that he did — like stealing almost $500 from his parents to fund an obese Mexican kid’s quest to be the top scorer at some dumb arcade game — and I thought, “Oh, Hell, I probably would have beat his ass senseless, too.”
Don’t get me wrong: his father sort of sounded like a typical Asian parent — someone who pressed his kid to study hard and focused solely on getting ahead in life as opposed to nurturing them with constant praise and love — but the guy also sounded vaguely psychotic. (Especially when he’d fly into a rage and one time held a meat cleaver to his son’s throat and threatened to murder the entire family when Su dared to try and stand up for his mother when her husband started beating her up for not cooking the rice properly…Su’s father dumped the food onto the floor in a fit when he saw this.)
On the one hand, the father sounded like a complete psycho, but on the other, I kind of understood where he was coming from — I mean, in a way, a lot of us understand what it’s like to realize that life doesn’t turn out the way you wanted it to and that it’s actually a constant struggle; some of us are better at dealing with this fact, others not so much. (I think that’s what separates the people who succeed from those who don’t, actually.)
And then you have Su — I know this sounds bad, but if I’d had him as a kid, I would have probably been disappointed too.
It makes you wonder about the whole nature versus nurture question — are we who we are because of the DNA handed down by our parents or do we become the people we are because of our environment?
The memoir was a quick read — towards the end, it almost wraps up entirely too abruptly. You learn the guy gets married — and I can’t be sure, but I suspect the wife isn’t Asian — and you’re left wondering: how did Su’s parents react to that, given the father was racist and the mother feared anybody who wasn’t Asian?
I get the sense that a sequel is in the works, but I’m not entirely sure if I’ll read it.
I don’t really ever remember either of my parents telling me that they loved me — and when I mentioned this to a white friend, she just looked at me with incredible pity…but, it never really bothered me because, unlike the author of this book, I always fully realized that just because someone doesn’t tell you that they love you, often actions speak louder than words. (Though, his father’s actions leave a lot to be desired and his love in question.)
I really wanted to like this book, but it wasn’t really well-written — and here, I always pit blame on the editor because while everybody seems to think that they can write, not everyone can actually edit well, pushing the author to pare down a story into something that could have actually been really very good.
There’s no denying that Su’s childhood was traumatic — his family had to flee from the Communists (literally running for the rickety boats at the dock and then nearly drowning at sea) and was forced to immigrate to seedy Los Angeles, living in the squalid projects, where Su faced the usual growing pains of any new immigrant.
Add child molestation by a cousin — which was roundly ignored by his mother — and frequent physical abuse by his father, who suffered from depression, physical ailments and old school Asian thinking…and what do you get? A misguided kid looking for love and acceptance in all the wrong places — namely an Asian gang.
I know this sounds bad, but there were a couple of times in the book where Su was describing something incredibly stupid that he did — like stealing almost $500 from his parents to fund an obese Mexican kid’s quest to be the top scorer at some dumb arcade game — and I thought, “Oh, Hell, I probably would have beat his ass senseless, too.”
Don’t get me wrong: his father sort of sounded like a typical Asian parent — someone who pressed his kid to study hard and focused solely on getting ahead in life as opposed to nurturing them with constant praise and love — but the guy also sounded vaguely psychotic. (Especially when he’d fly into a rage and one time held a meat cleaver to his son’s throat and threatened to murder the entire family when Su dared to try and stand up for his mother when her husband started beating her up for not cooking the rice properly…Su’s father dumped the food onto the floor in a fit when he saw this.)
On the one hand, the father sounded like a complete psycho, but on the other, I kind of understood where he was coming from — I mean, in a way, a lot of us understand what it’s like to realize that life doesn’t turn out the way you wanted it to and that it’s actually a constant struggle; some of us are better at dealing with this fact, others not so much. (I think that’s what separates the people who succeed from those who don’t, actually.)
And then you have Su — I know this sounds bad, but if I’d had him as a kid, I would have probably been disappointed too.
It makes you wonder about the whole nature versus nurture question — are we who we are because of the DNA handed down by our parents or do we become the people we are because of our environment?
The memoir was a quick read — towards the end, it almost wraps up entirely too abruptly. You learn the guy gets married — and I can’t be sure, but I suspect the wife isn’t Asian — and you’re left wondering: how did Su’s parents react to that, given the father was racist and the mother feared anybody who wasn’t Asian?
I get the sense that a sequel is in the works, but I’m not entirely sure if I’ll read it.
September 26, 2009
The scars still stirs at the tip of his tongue...I naturally get sucked in instantly with immigrant stories/books. But for Lac, his perspective as a child who witnessed the harshest and roughest life circumstances at an early age differed from a typical memoir. We connected. He speaks to his readers. So yes, life as an immigrant child..... Often, our parent's struggles are set in stone, Lac has done so in his book and vividly portrayed the life of his mother and father. However, Lac also bravely, took on a self mission to have opened and expanded ALL OF his own open wounds and lifelong scars through humor and heartache. At every stage of the book, I had to take a moment to regather myself, I was constantly distracted by a sudden longing to want to grab Lac I physically and give him a big long hug and whisper "I love you Lac". I love you.
September 20, 2012
I normally wouldn't have read this book, but it was recommended to me by a co-worker who said it was hilarious. Since it's about the neighborhood I grew up in and currently live in, I gave it a shot. I really liked it!
It's a coming-of-age story of a Vietnamese immigrant and the trials he goes through trying to acclimate himself to American and Asian-American culture in the San Gabriel valley. There are plenty of upsetting and sad parts to the story, but there's also humor and insight.
I especially liked this because I could relate to the whole Asian tiger-parent thing.
It's a coming-of-age story of a Vietnamese immigrant and the trials he goes through trying to acclimate himself to American and Asian-American culture in the San Gabriel valley. There are plenty of upsetting and sad parts to the story, but there's also humor and insight.
I especially liked this because I could relate to the whole Asian tiger-parent thing.
January 22, 2011
I found this book completely entrancing. I have little knowledge of the Vietnamese culture so I learned alot through Lac Su's writing.
It's hard to imagine the escape the Su family made & what they went through in their journey to this country. As I read, it occurred to me that Pa was largely responsible for the family even getting out alive. He was a strong man, having made his own escape as a young man to Vietnam, then making a life out of nothing. He's a survivor. I really had developed a fondness for Pa in the beginning chapters and it was hard for me to swallow some of the parenting techniques he used later in the book. I keep wanting to make excuses for him, because like Lac eventually understood his behavior, I think I see it too. I do believe that he wanted the very best for his son and that he did love him very much. Though his disciplinary methods were extraordinarly harsh, I can appreciate the values he was trying so hard to instill. Growing up in white suburbia, I sometimes think that we allow too many freedoms and that our children become 'soft'. They don't recognize the value of the dollar, they don't know what true hard work means, they simply don't know how perfect their world is and how rare & lucky they are in comparison to the rest of the world of children. I don't think beating a child or making them feel unloved is the answer, I only say this to defend Pa, whom I believe did the best he knew how. He did, in fact, raise a well educated son, one who has much to contribute to others' lives, and who I believe cherishes his family and life very much - which was Pa's goal, right? It seemed that his harshness created a fear and respect toward him by the family, but in so many ways, this is what kept Lac on the right track. While his friend was robbing and beating his own father, Lac would continue to try to please his father. Lac had his share of misbehavior and stupidity, but he always went home and home seemed to keep him grounded.
I'm not sure how I came across this book, I think I read reviews on it somewhere then went and tried to get it at the library. They did not have it so I asked for it to be purchased & surprisingly, the library soon provided me a copy. Now I want to share this story with others and hope that it would touch them as it has myself. I learned so much about misunderstandings in culture and communication...it is unfortunate that we don't grasp each other and learn from each of our differences. Instead, we reject those who are different - all of us - I'm not blaming this on white people - as the book made clear, the Vietnamese had their own fear of white people's ways and chose to stick together. I just think that communication, or the lack of it, is detrimental to our reaching out to one another. The part of the book where the family goes to the restaurant and wants to pay with food stamps totally presents the picture of how communication blocks misrepresent us. It ended up in frustration on both sides with no real resolution. Lac's first day of school in a suit - Pa's intention was to show respect and gratitude for the education his son was to receive. Others laughed at the dress, not understanding the intent behind it. Unfortunately, the teachers or students never had the opportunity to be able to understand as Pa could not communicate his feelings toward the teacher and school.
This was an eye opening and unusual book for me. I read it to fulfill a part of a book challenge, otherwise I never would have looked at such a book for myself. I feel enlightened and hope that others will pick this up too. I can see it being part of an educational curriculum on culture. Actually, I wish there were such readings available in the schools because I believe this is a writing that helps bring about an understanding of the Vietnamese culture, something we don't often study, thus do not have the ability to appreciate.
Good luck Lac Su on your future endeavors, I truly enjoyed the sincerity and honesty you put into this book of your life.
It's hard to imagine the escape the Su family made & what they went through in their journey to this country. As I read, it occurred to me that Pa was largely responsible for the family even getting out alive. He was a strong man, having made his own escape as a young man to Vietnam, then making a life out of nothing. He's a survivor. I really had developed a fondness for Pa in the beginning chapters and it was hard for me to swallow some of the parenting techniques he used later in the book. I keep wanting to make excuses for him, because like Lac eventually understood his behavior, I think I see it too. I do believe that he wanted the very best for his son and that he did love him very much. Though his disciplinary methods were extraordinarly harsh, I can appreciate the values he was trying so hard to instill. Growing up in white suburbia, I sometimes think that we allow too many freedoms and that our children become 'soft'. They don't recognize the value of the dollar, they don't know what true hard work means, they simply don't know how perfect their world is and how rare & lucky they are in comparison to the rest of the world of children. I don't think beating a child or making them feel unloved is the answer, I only say this to defend Pa, whom I believe did the best he knew how. He did, in fact, raise a well educated son, one who has much to contribute to others' lives, and who I believe cherishes his family and life very much - which was Pa's goal, right? It seemed that his harshness created a fear and respect toward him by the family, but in so many ways, this is what kept Lac on the right track. While his friend was robbing and beating his own father, Lac would continue to try to please his father. Lac had his share of misbehavior and stupidity, but he always went home and home seemed to keep him grounded.
I'm not sure how I came across this book, I think I read reviews on it somewhere then went and tried to get it at the library. They did not have it so I asked for it to be purchased & surprisingly, the library soon provided me a copy. Now I want to share this story with others and hope that it would touch them as it has myself. I learned so much about misunderstandings in culture and communication...it is unfortunate that we don't grasp each other and learn from each of our differences. Instead, we reject those who are different - all of us - I'm not blaming this on white people - as the book made clear, the Vietnamese had their own fear of white people's ways and chose to stick together. I just think that communication, or the lack of it, is detrimental to our reaching out to one another. The part of the book where the family goes to the restaurant and wants to pay with food stamps totally presents the picture of how communication blocks misrepresent us. It ended up in frustration on both sides with no real resolution. Lac's first day of school in a suit - Pa's intention was to show respect and gratitude for the education his son was to receive. Others laughed at the dress, not understanding the intent behind it. Unfortunately, the teachers or students never had the opportunity to be able to understand as Pa could not communicate his feelings toward the teacher and school.
This was an eye opening and unusual book for me. I read it to fulfill a part of a book challenge, otherwise I never would have looked at such a book for myself. I feel enlightened and hope that others will pick this up too. I can see it being part of an educational curriculum on culture. Actually, I wish there were such readings available in the schools because I believe this is a writing that helps bring about an understanding of the Vietnamese culture, something we don't often study, thus do not have the ability to appreciate.
Good luck Lac Su on your future endeavors, I truly enjoyed the sincerity and honesty you put into this book of your life.
August 18, 2009
I judge this book by its title. A compelling story about immigrant life. A tear jerker and an inspiring story. It's raw so go into it with discretion. Once you read the first chapter, you won't be able to put it down after.
May 16, 2010
I made the (unfortunate) decision to recommend this book to my book club. I'd read some reviews and thought it sounded right up my alley - it is the memoir of a Vietnamese refugee growing up in California. I feel like a horrible person for saying this because it was a very sad story, but it was just so horribly written that I could barely get through it. For a very emotional story, there seemed to be no emotion in the writing. The author went through a lot of emotional turmoil and changes (coming to the US, joining a gang, trying to get out of the gang life) but there was never any insight into the struggles of these changes. Huge events would be described in passing and mundane events described in detail. The dialogue was incredibly unrealistic and the characters changed drastically without any explanation. Even though it is about a topic that I am very passionate about, I didn't feel any connection to the story. And the epilogue, which I thought would have summed up the story and given insight into how the events narrated in the book changed the author was instead an in depth description of the author's night eating dog meat on his return trip to Vietnam. While it was somewhat relevant to his journey throughout the book, mostly it just felt extraneous. I was, in short, very disappointed by this book.
February 10, 2019
The writing is closer to a 3 star but I gave the book one extra star for being relatable. The author seems to choose examples to include in the book based on how bizarre they are from a so-called typical American person's point of view, and therefore some passages seem hollow, lacking genuine feeling.
January 10, 2010
A fascinating book I never would have noticed had it not been referred by someone who'd commented online about 'Push.' This is the first description of Vietnam-to-US by-boat I've ever read. As eloquently depicted through the eyes of the son [Lac Su, then 5yrs old:], the family of 4 escapes Communist Vietnam under a hail of gunfire, survives the boat ride with 300 people on a 60-footer [their two companion boats perished:], and ends up in East LA where they meet a host of other 'adventures.' This is a rollercoaster read involving the trials of assimilation/fight for survival in a strange land, search for friendship, struggle to please a demanding/abusive father. Many memories of sometimes funny, often sad lessons...from which Lac Su emerges [as seen on back cover:] with multiple degrees, a company of his own, and a fine family. This book really yanked my emotions... I appreciate that Lac Su shared this experience. It would be a great movie.
March 22, 2009
One would hope that after fleeing Vietnam amidst gunfire in a boat with 300 other people and ending up in America, your life would be easier from there on out. Unfortunately that was not the case for Lac Su, whose childhood and teenage years were filled with looking for acceptance and belonging while avoiding his easily-angered father and his culture. The title of the book is reason enough to read this memoir.
August 18, 2009
Great read. I highly recommend this book.
September 9, 2009
Lac Su arrived in the US at a young age with his Vietnamese family, determined to better themselves and thrive - without distancing themselves too much from their cultural heritage. Being poor means living in rough places, and young Lac quickly picks up on who has the power in school, on the streets, and in the family. Violence plays a large part throughout the book - meted out by Lac's father, neighborhood bullies, and Lac himself. Drugs and alcohol provide an outlet for many disenfranchised youth, and while Lac tries to find his place among various gangs structures.
This memoir is sure to put up red flags for teens tottering on the edge of delinquency, and will provide hope, as well, to those already incarcerated. This is a truly inspirational book, written in a style that will appeal to teens and reluctant readers. The F bomb makes many appearances, but not in an exaggerated way - this is the way Lac Su and the people around him really sound.
Many thanks to Amy Cheney from Alameda (CA) Write to Read Juvenile Hall Literacy Library for turning me on to this title.
This memoir is sure to put up red flags for teens tottering on the edge of delinquency, and will provide hope, as well, to those already incarcerated. This is a truly inspirational book, written in a style that will appeal to teens and reluctant readers. The F bomb makes many appearances, but not in an exaggerated way - this is the way Lac Su and the people around him really sound.
Many thanks to Amy Cheney from Alameda (CA) Write to Read Juvenile Hall Literacy Library for turning me on to this title.
October 14, 2022
This book had me in tears, it’s beautiful.
August 21, 2010
This book deserves all the praise and awards it has received. The story is about a Vietnamese refugee family who come to America, land up literally in Hollywood, and find (at first) the American Nightmare: violence, gangs, poverty, isolation. Yet the author narrates his own travails with such grace, and at times humor, the story is infinitely readable despite many heartbreaking, and at times infuriating, events. Despite the abuse he suffers from his father, a molester cousin, and gangmembers, Lac Su remains a likeable narrator. I marveled at his ability to overcome so much hardship and still retain not only a sense of humor but also a remarkable love for the human race. I know it's a cliché to say a book is "inspirational" or "full of hope" yet I LOVE YOUS ARE FOR WHITE PEOPLE ultimately IS uplifting and hopeful. The writing is cinematic, told in fast-paced scenes. It would make a great movie. (If anyone in Hollywood is reading GoodReads, pay attention to this book!) The book tells a story that many people do not get to hear because too often the children who grow up in harsh environments, victimized violence, and who turn to gangs for the family and acceptance they do not find at home, do not grow up period, much less grow up to get a Ph.D. and write a memoir, as Lac Su has done. This book is about one boy who grew up to overcome the odds against him, but it also reveals how heavily stacked those odds can be against poor young men (and women), and especially refugees.
July 20, 2011
I think I am getting a bit jaded when it comes to memoirs. This did not grab at my heart strings like it should have and I am sure it is purely because of the writing style, it was quite dry and point of fact. I hate to think that I have become desensitived to all but the most horrific of stories but I believe that it is because the author seemed to be almost a bit removed from the story and so I felt the same.
February 24, 2021
Sad but interesting perspective of a Vietnamese immigrant in America and of how family trauma can shape how you see the world. I enjoyed it
August 4, 2016
Memoirs are tricky.
I'm reminded of that time in Fiction I when I read a classmate's story and wrote her out a very thoughtful critique about how the subject matter was potentially very moving but here were some tips on making dialogue realistic (nothing fancy, just the usual tricks of "read it aloud to see if it flows," etc.), and maybe try to make the whole thing flow more smoothly and introduce some conflict. It was a story about a twelve year-old girl whose best friend died: that's it, there weren't really any interesting characters or even a plot to speak of.
Then, before I handed in my critique, the author had to read the story aloud in class (a quirk of this particular professor's), and wouldn't you know it, she breaks down towards the end of her reading and the professor had to finish. Turns out she hadn't quite grasped the concept of "fiction" and had just written down something that had happened to her. Professor even suggested adding some additional dialogue and the girl said "But he didn't say that!" Needless to say, my critique now seemed heartless and I decided against handing it in.
Pointless story introduced because, well: I kind of feel the same way right now. This book is much better than the Fiction I incident, obviously. Lac Su overcame some horrific experiences in his youth and I can't even imagine the amount of courage it must have taken to write about some of this stuff. I have nothing but respect for this man as a person.
I just don't think it's a very good book. It doesn't flow at all, and the writing is uneven. What on earth happened to the sister Quy, who is barely even mentioned after about halfway through the book? How did he ever achieve any kind of peace with his abusive father? (Social worker note: as a general rule of thumb, it's considered abuse if it's abnormal within the family's cultural context.) I feel terrible even saying these things because clearly I was just privileged to read a very personal story about horrible things that happened to someone kind enough to share the personal story with the world. But there you have it: very moving story, just not a great book.
I'm reminded of that time in Fiction I when I read a classmate's story and wrote her out a very thoughtful critique about how the subject matter was potentially very moving but here were some tips on making dialogue realistic (nothing fancy, just the usual tricks of "read it aloud to see if it flows," etc.), and maybe try to make the whole thing flow more smoothly and introduce some conflict. It was a story about a twelve year-old girl whose best friend died: that's it, there weren't really any interesting characters or even a plot to speak of.
Then, before I handed in my critique, the author had to read the story aloud in class (a quirk of this particular professor's), and wouldn't you know it, she breaks down towards the end of her reading and the professor had to finish. Turns out she hadn't quite grasped the concept of "fiction" and had just written down something that had happened to her. Professor even suggested adding some additional dialogue and the girl said "But he didn't say that!" Needless to say, my critique now seemed heartless and I decided against handing it in.
Pointless story introduced because, well: I kind of feel the same way right now. This book is much better than the Fiction I incident, obviously. Lac Su overcame some horrific experiences in his youth and I can't even imagine the amount of courage it must have taken to write about some of this stuff. I have nothing but respect for this man as a person.
I just don't think it's a very good book. It doesn't flow at all, and the writing is uneven. What on earth happened to the sister Quy, who is barely even mentioned after about halfway through the book? How did he ever achieve any kind of peace with his abusive father? (Social worker note: as a general rule of thumb, it's considered abuse if it's abnormal within the family's cultural context.) I feel terrible even saying these things because clearly I was just privileged to read a very personal story about horrible things that happened to someone kind enough to share the personal story with the world. But there you have it: very moving story, just not a great book.
December 16, 2011
I love you is for white people
By Lac Su – Memoir
One day Lac hugs his father and tells him he loves him, his father answer is simply “I love you are for white people” Drawing for deep within him, in order to transcend his limitations he needs to create a better life for himself. Lac father demonstrate his love by protecting him, throughout his journey Lac never doubts his father commitment because he looks up to him, and listens to his advice. Lac tries to earn his father’s love, who became the man his father wanted him to became, who endures the beating without a word because he loves his father.
The memoir of Lac Su is a book of pain, frustration, confusion, drama, tears, and blood of his true stories. It inspires readers a view of his growth as a young child and becoming the man his father wanted him to become having a good career as a psychology. He received a master’s degree and Ph.D., A.B.C, in industrial organizational psychology from the California School of Professional psychology. Lac Su went further on being vice president of marketing for TalentsSmart and management consulting firm
Lac Su’s Memoir is set as a real life story featuring his journey going through escaping the communist of South Vietnam with his family forcing to immigrate in 1979. After being saved by a naval cruiser near Hong Kong, his family all immigrated to West Los Angeles, where living conditions are poor and community acceptance harsh. Lac research for love and acceptance lead to dangerous gang experience that hunt his life down .This revels to others who had to go through the same conditions as Lac and people who were Vietnamese that can relate to his life.
By Lac Su – Memoir
One day Lac hugs his father and tells him he loves him, his father answer is simply “I love you are for white people” Drawing for deep within him, in order to transcend his limitations he needs to create a better life for himself. Lac father demonstrate his love by protecting him, throughout his journey Lac never doubts his father commitment because he looks up to him, and listens to his advice. Lac tries to earn his father’s love, who became the man his father wanted him to became, who endures the beating without a word because he loves his father.
The memoir of Lac Su is a book of pain, frustration, confusion, drama, tears, and blood of his true stories. It inspires readers a view of his growth as a young child and becoming the man his father wanted him to become having a good career as a psychology. He received a master’s degree and Ph.D., A.B.C, in industrial organizational psychology from the California School of Professional psychology. Lac Su went further on being vice president of marketing for TalentsSmart and management consulting firm
Lac Su’s Memoir is set as a real life story featuring his journey going through escaping the communist of South Vietnam with his family forcing to immigrate in 1979. After being saved by a naval cruiser near Hong Kong, his family all immigrated to West Los Angeles, where living conditions are poor and community acceptance harsh. Lac research for love and acceptance lead to dangerous gang experience that hunt his life down .This revels to others who had to go through the same conditions as Lac and people who were Vietnamese that can relate to his life.
February 1, 2010
In this incredible memoir, Lac Su pulls you in right away with a heart-stopping account of his family's incredible escape from Vietnam. The adrenaline rush gives way to a flood of other emotions as you learn that that was just the beginning of what he endured growing up. The stories are disturbing and at some points, I had to just stop reading for awhile. It is courageous that the author, only in his 30's, has been able to go back and mentally revisit these relatively recent wounds in such a frank and public way. This is definitely a different kind of voice than the Asian immigrant works I'd read in the past.
My criticism is that the book seems to end abruptly. In the discussion of his work, Lac Su explains that there was more that he wanted to tell. I realize memoirs don't have a natural stopping point, since the author continues to accrue experiences, but I wish he would have at least included one more chapter--a glimpse of life at his new school, where it seems that things began to turn around and he had a shift in his perception. That would have made the book more complete in my mind.
My criticism is that the book seems to end abruptly. In the discussion of his work, Lac Su explains that there was more that he wanted to tell. I realize memoirs don't have a natural stopping point, since the author continues to accrue experiences, but I wish he would have at least included one more chapter--a glimpse of life at his new school, where it seems that things began to turn around and he had a shift in his perception. That would have made the book more complete in my mind.
September 6, 2009
An inspirational story about a Vietnamese refugee boy who searched for love in all the wrong places, even when love wasn't around. A story full of hope and pain. Too many elements to describe here. Some readers will "get" this book while others will need to read two or three times. The cultural difference described in this book was written elegantly from both sides of the fence. This book is a diamond in the ruff.
May 7, 2011
It never even occurred to me to dislike the style of writing Lac Su used. To me the story was powerful enough that I hardly even noticed his word choice or sentence structure. This is a book about love, family, tradition, culture, America, youth, and pain. If you have ever felt unloved and misunderstood by your family you will probably enjoy it. Certainly, if you have a family that has been attempting to capture the American dream you will be able to relate. Wonderful book.
May 13, 2010
What a tyrant his father was. If people don't like American's and don't want to associate with us, why do they insist on coming here and living off our government? Interesting book, I enjoyed learning about the Vietnam cultural differences.
February 7, 2024
I sped through this book like wildfire. The last time i read a book this fast was like two years ago. I think this might be one of my new favorite memoirs. I can relate with 1/4 (or less) of the things Lac experienced throughout his childhood, especially the “i love yous are for white people” part. I think that this book holds so much power in seeing one out of thousands (or millions) perspectives of those who fled Vietnam during the war. I am thankful that this one and maybe others wrote about their experiences in vivid detail. 5/5 book. Super dopers
May 9, 2010
The title and the reviews on Goodreads sucked me in, and I'm glad. I've known families from other cultures (including European ones) who did not say "I love you." The chapter in which the title is explained is so painful, I wished I could give Lac a hug--or give *any* kid a hug who's going through that kind of isolation.
If your edition has the "P.S." section, read that, too--even the part about the favorite songs. His story about Whitney Houston's "The Greatest Love of All" is heartbreaking.
Like most memoirs, this book isn't all sad. Some is funny, and some is gross, and some is educational--one of my favorite parts to read is his reconstruction of the events that catapulted his family out of Vietnam. I would like to read more about that part of our national and world history.
I am bummed that he counts among his greatest inspirations the memoirist Augusten Burroughs. I think Burroughs is a fine satirist and I love his novel Sellevision. And I enjoyed his first memoir the first time I read it. But on re-reading it, I became unconvinced that it was truthful, and I've been unable to enjoy his memoirs since then. Burroughs seems to have come out favorably in the lawsuit that alleged his work was phony, but I never got over the sense that he was making stuff up--stuff that hurt people. I did not get that same sense from Su's book, but I was disappointed that he views Burroughs' work uncritically.
I don't question the major facts of the book, but a detail that rang a bit false was his caricature of a white person who helped him after he'd been beaten up. He was trying to portray the guy as corny. I don't doubt that the guy had that corniness about him, nor that Lac picked up on it in the moment because of his precocious street wisdom. But the dialog he gave the guy to illustrate the corniness rang false. I don't expect a memoirist to accurately recreate dialog from 20 or 30 years ago. But the stuff one makes up to fill in the blanks should ring true. Bad dialog in a memoir is like a bad line in a movie. It takes you out of the story.
Also, a minor quibble that says more about the editing than about Su: I'm not the kind of reader who looks for this kind of thing, but I noticed two mis-spelled homonyms. ("Peak" instead of "peek" and "pour" instead of "pore.") His publisher should have treated this story with the respect it deserves and fixed these minor but distracting mistakes.
Big ups to Lac Su for creating a happy life and for chronicling the sadness and danger that preceded the happiness.
If your edition has the "P.S." section, read that, too--even the part about the favorite songs. His story about Whitney Houston's "The Greatest Love of All" is heartbreaking.
Like most memoirs, this book isn't all sad. Some is funny, and some is gross, and some is educational--one of my favorite parts to read is his reconstruction of the events that catapulted his family out of Vietnam. I would like to read more about that part of our national and world history.
I am bummed that he counts among his greatest inspirations the memoirist Augusten Burroughs. I think Burroughs is a fine satirist and I love his novel Sellevision. And I enjoyed his first memoir the first time I read it. But on re-reading it, I became unconvinced that it was truthful, and I've been unable to enjoy his memoirs since then. Burroughs seems to have come out favorably in the lawsuit that alleged his work was phony, but I never got over the sense that he was making stuff up--stuff that hurt people. I did not get that same sense from Su's book, but I was disappointed that he views Burroughs' work uncritically.
I don't question the major facts of the book, but a detail that rang a bit false was his caricature of a white person who helped him after he'd been beaten up. He was trying to portray the guy as corny. I don't doubt that the guy had that corniness about him, nor that Lac picked up on it in the moment because of his precocious street wisdom. But the dialog he gave the guy to illustrate the corniness rang false. I don't expect a memoirist to accurately recreate dialog from 20 or 30 years ago. But the stuff one makes up to fill in the blanks should ring true. Bad dialog in a memoir is like a bad line in a movie. It takes you out of the story.
Also, a minor quibble that says more about the editing than about Su: I'm not the kind of reader who looks for this kind of thing, but I noticed two mis-spelled homonyms. ("Peak" instead of "peek" and "pour" instead of "pore.") His publisher should have treated this story with the respect it deserves and fixed these minor but distracting mistakes.
Big ups to Lac Su for creating a happy life and for chronicling the sadness and danger that preceded the happiness.
December 5, 2014
After reading I Love Yous Are for White People by Lac Su, I felt a need to tell my family and friends that I love them. I usually read books that are positive and happy, but this was an exception. Some of the events that happened in the story felt and sounded unimaginable. It felt surreal reading about a cousin who crosses the line of your comfort zone or about uncles who catch live ducks to eat. This book helped me become more open minded to different cultures and their perspective of love. While I was reading this book I felt sympathy, anger, and motivation for Lac. I thought his relationship with his father and the pain from it was unacceptable. I felt anger because no child deserves to be beaten and should be told that they’re loved. But, I also cheered Lac on for enduring his father’s physical abuse and hoped that there would be a resolution towards the end of the book.
The book’s strengths are the dialogue between Pa and Lac and the main events that occur in each chapter. They showcase the way Pa talks and acts around his family and how it impacts Lac. The dialogue made me feel like I was a bystander of the scene. The book does not have any weaknesses. I would recommend this book to a friend or a student of high school level or higher. A middle schooler might not understand the book as well as a high schooler and the content could be too overwhelming. Depending on a middle schooler’s level of maturity and knowledge, I don’t think they would understand what Lac’s toy actually was in Chapter 2. For a friend I think they would find the events in this book funny and inspirational. I also feel like an adult would understand this book depending on their culture and where they came from. Due to a person’s experiences, they can either relate to Lac and empathize with him or try to understand his life. I think that even if you like or don’t like this book you will learn something and take away lessons from it.
The book’s strengths are the dialogue between Pa and Lac and the main events that occur in each chapter. They showcase the way Pa talks and acts around his family and how it impacts Lac. The dialogue made me feel like I was a bystander of the scene. The book does not have any weaknesses. I would recommend this book to a friend or a student of high school level or higher. A middle schooler might not understand the book as well as a high schooler and the content could be too overwhelming. Depending on a middle schooler’s level of maturity and knowledge, I don’t think they would understand what Lac’s toy actually was in Chapter 2. For a friend I think they would find the events in this book funny and inspirational. I also feel like an adult would understand this book depending on their culture and where they came from. Due to a person’s experiences, they can either relate to Lac and empathize with him or try to understand his life. I think that even if you like or don’t like this book you will learn something and take away lessons from it.
October 10, 2013
I'm white and not an immigrant, but I still connected with the book in some ways. It took me back to my college years when I lived with and was often surrounded by Vietnamese friends. I started missing the sound of the language and craving rice, summer rolls, fish sauce, and even pickled eggplant. Surprisingly I don't think he ever eats pho^ in the book. Some of the other dishes he eats- intestines, tripe, and even dog- inspired more of a "um, no thanks" from my tummy. I connected to more than just the food- but it's dinnertime and my stomach is grumbly.
It's a very sad book. Lac endures a lot of hunger, frustration, and anger. As a child he learns English quicker than his parents, leaving him the translator when, for example, his dad tries to pay for the family's dinner at a restuarant in food stamps (which they don't accept). "My life still centers around a tiny man"... his dad plays a central, if painful and unstable, role in his life. He strives to be the son his father wants, to get the good grades so he can get into college, etc. The whole while he feels isolated, looking for the love his father won't show in peers, art, and a number of vices. It's hard being a teen, being an immigrant one seems tougher.
Though the book was a quick read, it was at times confusing and difficult to read. It seems he just strung together memories from different points in his life. That would be fine except he doesn't segue between them- he'll recount memories of his family living in a studio apartment and start talking about his dad learning to drive in the lane in front of the house... 3 or 4 paragraphs in he suddenly goes of into a description of the new house and how he moved in/felt about it and then goes back to the car story. I think with a little smoothing and shifting about of paragraphs to create better segues this book would be much easier to read.
It's a very sad book. Lac endures a lot of hunger, frustration, and anger. As a child he learns English quicker than his parents, leaving him the translator when, for example, his dad tries to pay for the family's dinner at a restuarant in food stamps (which they don't accept). "My life still centers around a tiny man"... his dad plays a central, if painful and unstable, role in his life. He strives to be the son his father wants, to get the good grades so he can get into college, etc. The whole while he feels isolated, looking for the love his father won't show in peers, art, and a number of vices. It's hard being a teen, being an immigrant one seems tougher.
Though the book was a quick read, it was at times confusing and difficult to read. It seems he just strung together memories from different points in his life. That would be fine except he doesn't segue between them- he'll recount memories of his family living in a studio apartment and start talking about his dad learning to drive in the lane in front of the house... 3 or 4 paragraphs in he suddenly goes of into a description of the new house and how he moved in/felt about it and then goes back to the car story. I think with a little smoothing and shifting about of paragraphs to create better segues this book would be much easier to read.
August 25, 2015
Sadly, the best part of Lac Su’s I Love Yous Are For White People is the title.
Admittedly, it’s a great title, but you know what you’re getting yourself into. It’s about people who aren’t white, right? And if you had to guess what kind of memoir it is, you’d have decent odds of calling it out as an Asian immigration story. The memoir begins with Lac Su’s family escaping from Communist Vietnam. Upon immigrating to Los Angeles, they struggle to blend in to the American Dream. Lac Su’s father is stern and unaffectionate, constantly pushing his son to do better in school. Meanwhile Lac Su wants to fit in as an American, wants to appreciate his Vietnamese heritage (even if he is uncertain of some of the food and customs), but winds up falling in with the L.A. gangs.
It all seems so familiar and, unfortunately, played out. I mean, this is what happened to Lac Su, he can’t help if the stereotypes have held true, but frankly, he’s not a good enough writer to rise above the narrative already well worn. Maybe if everyone else hadn’t already written about the same thing, he’d win by default. Doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy certain anecdotes about clashing cultures, or have enough interest to wish that Lac Su hadn’t just abruptly dropped the narrative about his sexual abuse, but I stumbled upon I Love Yous Are For White People too late to see it as anything other than forming to a memoir mold long since set. Two stars.
Admittedly, it’s a great title, but you know what you’re getting yourself into. It’s about people who aren’t white, right? And if you had to guess what kind of memoir it is, you’d have decent odds of calling it out as an Asian immigration story. The memoir begins with Lac Su’s family escaping from Communist Vietnam. Upon immigrating to Los Angeles, they struggle to blend in to the American Dream. Lac Su’s father is stern and unaffectionate, constantly pushing his son to do better in school. Meanwhile Lac Su wants to fit in as an American, wants to appreciate his Vietnamese heritage (even if he is uncertain of some of the food and customs), but winds up falling in with the L.A. gangs.
It all seems so familiar and, unfortunately, played out. I mean, this is what happened to Lac Su, he can’t help if the stereotypes have held true, but frankly, he’s not a good enough writer to rise above the narrative already well worn. Maybe if everyone else hadn’t already written about the same thing, he’d win by default. Doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy certain anecdotes about clashing cultures, or have enough interest to wish that Lac Su hadn’t just abruptly dropped the narrative about his sexual abuse, but I stumbled upon I Love Yous Are For White People too late to see it as anything other than forming to a memoir mold long since set. Two stars.
May 1, 2013
At the heart of this harrowing and heartbreaking story is essentially a turbulent relationship between a father and a son. Their relationship is the backbone that connects these short stories together. But for me, it wasn't enough to keep me from being, at times, disconnected and frustrated. Presenting this memoir as a collection of short stories, told chronologically loses its impact, in that there is not a continuous flow. Some chapters are short and to the point and propels the story forward, while others are long and goes nowhere and ends abruptly without a lingering thought. The first few chapters are strung together beautifully and told as a cohesive story that flows from one into the next. I see my own past experiences looking back at me -- escaping Vietnam with my family at a young age, starting a new life in a new country, attending ESL special classes, making friends,I got teary eyed and a lump in my throat. I thought about my own family as I was reading this. I wanted to really really love this book, but in the end I was disappointed. But, congratulations to Lac Su for putting it down on paper, and dedicating it to his father, who is clearly the central figure in life. What a healing and emotional journey to have written this.
"3/5"
"3/5"
May 19, 2012
While I had a rough childhood with its own share of loss, tragedy and sadness, reading Lac Su's book made me realize there is always someone else who has had it harder than you. I got plenty of I Love Yous amidst a lot of pain so I am not sure if Lac would have wanted that.... His Pa reminded me of my mom in some ways. She was tough, mean and strict in my early days but as our lives got easier, so did she in a way. One thing that struck me is the whole butterfly affect, one or two decisions you make have life changing consequences. If Lac did not get that beating, would he have transferred to the magnet school. People always tell me after they hear my story how amazing it is that I did not turn out like my parents. I still maintain most of that is luck... the right place at the right time! If I had a complaint about the book, I wanted a little more of the transformation story at the end. How did he pull it together? How did it end with the Ratz? Did he ever see Dragon Head again (and what happened to him)? Maybe the needed an epilogue so we could get that closure. At any rate, I'm glad the author shared his story as it is not one I will forget easily.
June 5, 2012
A very engrossing, moving memoir about Lac Su's journey from Vietnam to PhD-hood that I literally could not put down. Su's prose is paradoxically matter of fact and yet simultaneously emotive, but only a way that adds to us understanding the situation of his life. He threads together numerous memories of his childhood with a bitterness and a tenderness, but in the end he is not angry with the beatings he suffered from his father or insecure about his life affiliated with two gangs and the subsequent trouble that came from that (no spoilers, but shit gets real). Instead of anger Su has a solemn reverence for the childhood he had and makes no attempt to lecture us about how childhood is "supposed" to be; we're merely given a string of memories and his take on them. While I initially wished that Su, now a psychologist, would have expanded a little more on what he wants us to take away from his memoir, but as I reflect his memories truly do speak for themselves. A book for anyone interested in memoirs and who read and enjoyed Andrew Lam's East Eats West.
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