Lesbian Couples: A Guide to Creating Healthy Relationships

by D. Merilee Clunis, G. Dorsey Green

Written by two experienced lesbian therapists, Lesbian Couples covers a range of topics—commitment ceremonies and marriage, living arrangements, work, money, togetherness and separate identities, coming out to family and friends, resolving conflict and understanding each other—and uses a variety of helpful examples and problem-solving techniques, drawing from research done on lesbian couples over the past decade. The book pays special attention to differences of race, class, age and physical ability, and addresses the issues raised when one or both partners are recovering from alcohol, substance, or sexual abuse. The book also addresses differences that lesbians may encounter in their relationships regarding such issues as butch-femme, transgender identity, bisexuality, monogamy, and s/m. Thoroughly readable and extremely helpful, with an updated resource guide, Lesbian Couples is a book that every lesbian will want to own.

Genres: Lesbian, LGBT, Nonfiction, Queer, Relationships, Self Help, Psychology

368 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1988

Reviews

[Emma · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a pretty middle-of-the-road, calm person's guide to relationships. As in, not going into the nitty gritty stuff, but suggesting counseling if you have nitty gritty stuff. It does provide a good overview of issues that come up with lesbians throughout the span of a relationship. I've gone back to it a few times to review the section on boundaries.

[Highjump · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really more of a 3.5 The early chapters are really great, as the book progresses you may need to skip around for the information that applies to your situation (kids, elder care, etc) though it can be good to think things through ahead of time. Obviously this edition could use some updating, but I knew the pub date when I found it at a used book store so I didn't let it bother me.

My favorite part were the little scenarios described in italics. Some of them were just so wonderfully lesbian (like the person who needed her partner to know that she always wanted to have at least six pets) it made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

[Ashley Medley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful even if you're not in a relationship. Maybe even if you're not a gay lady.

[D · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a very submissive bi female with a girlfriend who is both my BFF and Dominatrix, I did find many parts of the book quite interesting and informative:)

[Grace Green · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found this book to be an interesting read. I really enjoyed the use of feminine pronouns - I think this may be the first time I have been exposed to ongoing lesbian couples and language repeatedly throughout a book. I also found the variety of topics to be very broad. It truely did encompass all potential aspects of coupled life.

I found this book to be a product of its time and reading it now in 2025 it offers a snapshot of where we were and how far we have come. Even from not having the right language to describe queer families to no longer facing the same homophobia. Seeing this contrast makes me simultaneously grateful and hopeful. I did find some of the advice and guidance to be somewhat outdated, but again it is a product of its time.

I did find reading this book to be net positive but I don't know if I would recommend it. A lot to my enjoyment was fuelled by curiosity rather than the text itself.

[Nikki · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall really good and useful. It takes a lot into consideration and was helpful for me. Although, the chapter on disabilities/chronic illness was absolutely useless in terms of dealing with finances and disability though (which is bizarre because she addressed that often both partners need to work in a lesbian relationship- overall the coverage was really good except for that section). It is more general of a book, but a lot of the information can be applied to even more difficult/challenging things.

[Keevs · Rating 5 out of 5]

A lovely guide to relationships between women. Some may say that it's outdated, but I'm a gen Z lesbian and I feel that this guide addresses timeless issues. It is upfront about how relationships with women are different, and as someone who lives in a country without legal gay marriage, it accurately reflects my experiences even though some of the legal realities it discusses in the United States are no longer true. Highly recommended for any lesbians to explore with their partners.

[Caitlin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some outdated language but remarkably current for being 15ish years old. Definitely still a relevant resource with general suggestions for communicating and working through differences in relationships. And very pleasantly lesbian themed, I'm not sure I've ever felt so affirmed by a book.

[Mayryott · Rating 4 out of 5]

部分术语在当下来看实在是有些过时了，部分内容也会觉得稍浅了，但整体依然很好。作者考虑到了许多会发生的情况，它们都不算新鲜，但的确是关系之中经常出现的，读着时不时能发现书里提到的自己也经历过或是正在经历，也给出了对应的解决方法。不过对身在CN的我，需要考虑的情况不止书里提到的那些。不管是准备进入关系，还是已身处关系之中，都值得和伴侣一起时不时地翻开读读 。笔者的写作风格从容温暖，全书对女同性恋的关注以及对其承受的社会压力的分析也让读感较舒适，后者是我在别的自助类书里从来没有感受过的。

[Dita Kelly · Rating 3 out of 5]

Doesn't really reflect the realities of real life lesbian dating at all. Seems too idealistic and a little nieve. Propably wont finish it but I'll keep going until I can't bare it any longer... which ironically, is actually how real people have modern relationships 🤣

[Natalie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely awesome book that specializes in the intricacies of women's relationships and the strong desire to retain individuality while being in long-term committments with their partners. Good examples of life experiences are given. Highly recommended to those just coming out or wanting to understand relatioships in a healthy, positive way.

[Kate McLachlan · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's actually a guide to all relationships, not just lesbian ones. I read this book shortly before I got together with my wife. When we got together I gave it to her to read, but she never did! We're still on year 8, so I guess it's not ABsolutely necessary to have read it, but maybe it is necessary for one of the two.

[Nicki · Rating 4 out of 5]

For a book that was written in the 90s, I was pleasantly surprised. The content was relatable and accessible. Some of the examples were bit dated but I barely noticed that in my reading. This book covers so much and I found it was a great jump off point for discussions with my own partner. I would highly recommend!

[patrycja polczyk · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's the first book about lesbian couples I've read and I must admit it's good. Well written, calm and reasonable. Could be bit more detailed, but worth reading. And I'm going to keep it as a good resource book.

[Crystal Delossantos · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just purchased this book yesterday and I have been up all night reading very single detail that, pertains to my partners and I relationship. They really know what they are talking about.

[Estelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Useful book. Can keep it and read again!

[lia 🎀]

oh look i found what i was looking for can someone give me another reason to complain about something now

[TC · Rating 4 out of 5]

say what you will...i found it incredibly useful.