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Metanoia: A Memoir of a Body, Born Again
Perhaps we have done to our bodies what we have so long done to God?
We have demanded they conform to the image we find the most desirable.
We have treated them as rubbish bins, weapons and punching bags.
We have muted their wills until their voices have fallen silent.
At 23, Anna McGahan was wrestling with the rest of the world for ownership of her femininity, sexuality and physicality. As a young actor thrust into the spotlight as a poster girl for sexual liberation – intent on exploring the next relationship, the lowest weight and the wildest high – her path pointed her to chaos, starvation and isolation.
Until – unexpectedly – she met God.
In this memoir, Anna shares the story of reconciling with her body, mapping its journey from another product in a marketplace, to a vessel of inherent power and worth.
Metanoia is the cry of a body broken and resurrected, the song of a bird set free.
We have demanded they conform to the image we find the most desirable.
We have treated them as rubbish bins, weapons and punching bags.
We have muted their wills until their voices have fallen silent.
At 23, Anna McGahan was wrestling with the rest of the world for ownership of her femininity, sexuality and physicality. As a young actor thrust into the spotlight as a poster girl for sexual liberation – intent on exploring the next relationship, the lowest weight and the wildest high – her path pointed her to chaos, starvation and isolation.
Until – unexpectedly – she met God.
In this memoir, Anna shares the story of reconciling with her body, mapping its journey from another product in a marketplace, to a vessel of inherent power and worth.
Metanoia is the cry of a body broken and resurrected, the song of a bird set free.
317 pages, Kindle Edition
Published August 31, 2019
22 people are currently reading
213 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews
January 9, 2020
This book is the kind you throw adjectives at (raw and confronting, sure; poetic and heartbreaking, absolutely; even gripping) but the one word I keep coming back to is wild.
I inhaled this book in two settings, unable to put it down. This is so much more than a memoir; it's almost a poem, replete with metaphor and symbol, or perhaps magical realism, though the author assures us it's all true. You might have seen Anna McGahan work if you've seen ANZAC Girls or Picnic At Hanging Rock; born in Queensland, she discovered a passion for acting in her late teens at university. I knew of Anna through her blog, A Forbidden Room, where she wrote startlingly profound, poetic, and often challenging meditations, and through The Fireplace, a Facebook group for Australian Christian artists. This is her story - specifically, the story of the relationship between her body and her soul, and how it was healed when she met God.
You do not have to change your mind.
You do not have to trust me, though what I'm about to tell you is the truth.
I can't say much about this book (apart from what Christina has already said), except that this one is going to stay with me for a long time.
The incredible scene where after ten years of rage, self-harm, and eating disorders, she wakes up one morning and realises how she's failed to love her body, how she apologises to it and starts to love it again.
The scene where she sings to the land.
And oh, the feathers.
It feels reductive to talk about something so personal and so deeply felt as if it's just a story, but then again, they're all just stories.
At first.
I inhaled this book in two settings, unable to put it down. This is so much more than a memoir; it's almost a poem, replete with metaphor and symbol, or perhaps magical realism, though the author assures us it's all true. You might have seen Anna McGahan work if you've seen ANZAC Girls or Picnic At Hanging Rock; born in Queensland, she discovered a passion for acting in her late teens at university. I knew of Anna through her blog, A Forbidden Room, where she wrote startlingly profound, poetic, and often challenging meditations, and through The Fireplace, a Facebook group for Australian Christian artists. This is her story - specifically, the story of the relationship between her body and her soul, and how it was healed when she met God.
You do not have to change your mind.
You do not have to trust me, though what I'm about to tell you is the truth.
I can't say much about this book (apart from what Christina has already said), except that this one is going to stay with me for a long time.
The incredible scene where after ten years of rage, self-harm, and eating disorders, she wakes up one morning and realises how she's failed to love her body, how she apologises to it and starts to love it again.
The scene where she sings to the land.
And oh, the feathers.
It feels reductive to talk about something so personal and so deeply felt as if it's just a story, but then again, they're all just stories.
At first.
September 8, 2019
I consumed this book in about two sittings. It’s harrowing, confronting, beautiful, honest, wild, and imaginative. Read it if you are interested in art, acting, relationships, the spiritual life, sexuality, God, healing from self-hatred, or just basically humans and what it means to be one. Read it because this memoir introduces one of Australia’s most original and astonishing voices.
Anna’s memoir is beautifully and artfully structured around motifs and metaphors of the body, using scripturally informed language that is startling in this context. It’s a book about hurting and healing, and she doesn’t hold back.
I have a few favourites when it comes to conversion/spiritual memoirs. Anna’s book reminds me of how I felt reading Lauren Winner’s “Girl Meets God” - plunged into a very different kind of life and way of meeting Jesus, and deeply touched by it. It also has parallels with Rosaria Butterfield’s “Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert”, because I found it challenging and I think it will change how I talk to others about faith, and more importantly how I listen.
Warning: Keep this one on your top shelf if you have kids around, and be aware it deals honestly and heartbreakingly with eating disorders and self-harm, and the emotional and physical impact of casual sex.
Anna’s memoir is beautifully and artfully structured around motifs and metaphors of the body, using scripturally informed language that is startling in this context. It’s a book about hurting and healing, and she doesn’t hold back.
I have a few favourites when it comes to conversion/spiritual memoirs. Anna’s book reminds me of how I felt reading Lauren Winner’s “Girl Meets God” - plunged into a very different kind of life and way of meeting Jesus, and deeply touched by it. It also has parallels with Rosaria Butterfield’s “Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert”, because I found it challenging and I think it will change how I talk to others about faith, and more importantly how I listen.
Warning: Keep this one on your top shelf if you have kids around, and be aware it deals honestly and heartbreakingly with eating disorders and self-harm, and the emotional and physical impact of casual sex.
April 30, 2020
All I can say is amazing love - redeeming, restoring, healing and renewing - broken hearts AND bodies. This memoir was raw, painful at times to read through, strange and unsettling at times - but ultimately glorious and special to see a beautiful soul rescued and made whole, broken again and redeemed through Christ.
A note on the literary aspect of this book - it is BEAUTIFULLY penned. So poetic and lyrical - imaginative and chaotic. Anna swept me away with what she wrote, so personally, deeply. I loved it. A real artist. (Having absolutely loved her as Olive in ANZAC GIRLS it amazes me that she has an equal magical ability in writing. Wow!) Thanks @Suzannah Rowntree for alerting me to this memoir. So beautiful, I loved it.
Second note: As someone maybe a bit more conservative in my theology, I had some qualms about her theological definition of certain things in the footnotes, but appreciated the heart of them.
A note on the literary aspect of this book - it is BEAUTIFULLY penned. So poetic and lyrical - imaginative and chaotic. Anna swept me away with what she wrote, so personally, deeply. I loved it. A real artist. (Having absolutely loved her as Olive in ANZAC GIRLS it amazes me that she has an equal magical ability in writing. Wow!) Thanks @Suzannah Rowntree for alerting me to this memoir. So beautiful, I loved it.
Second note: As someone maybe a bit more conservative in my theology, I had some qualms about her theological definition of certain things in the footnotes, but appreciated the heart of them.
February 4, 2021
I actually read this book last year but forgot to review it. I was both challenged and encouraged all throughout this book. McGahan's voice is so raw and vulnerable, I felt like I was sitting with a friend listening to her testimony. I cannot find the words to explain the profound impact this memoir had on me, her spiritual experiences were so powerful and were so evident that God's hand had written this story long before she picked up a pen. McGahan's sincere candour left her nowhere to hide but it showed her strength, a nakedness that bled light and life, impacting the souls of all who would read this memoir.
February 14, 2020
I have not watched anything this actor has done so came to this memoir with a blank slate. Amazing rollercoaster ride, full of vulnerability and raw emotion. Anna is incredibly honest about her past, her search for self, how she met God and the beginning of a journey of transformation and healing inside out. A challenging and inspiring read, whether you are a believer or not. Thank you Anna for baring your soul that we might be captivated by a loving God of grace..
December 30, 2019
This book has a lot of beautiful stories and experiences, but also came across as overly theatrical to me. If you were a new Christian or a non-believer, her experiences would be/could be/are (?) unobtainable. Most people don’t speak to God and get immediate auditory or visual response.
While the overlying story is good and demonstrates her healing and redemption, I worry that it teaches people to expect a relationship with Christ that is a rarity for many and not experienced by most.
While the overlying story is good and demonstrates her healing and redemption, I worry that it teaches people to expect a relationship with Christ that is a rarity for many and not experienced by most.
October 13, 2021
This memoir reads like a 15 year old’s diary. It is self-victimizing, littered with spelling and grammatical errors, and outlines revelations such as: if you stop using contraception you will get pregnant. It even has a teenager’s view of a happy ending: marriage and a baby.
January 25, 2020
Really incredible embarking on Anna's journey of coming to faith and healing. Would really highly recommend it!
August 4, 2020
I am so grateful to Anna for sharing her story. It is so very different from my own, and yet so many of her thoughts resonate with mine. Things I can remember thinking, albeit in response to very different context. This book is most certainly brave. It definitely is raw, and confronting, and convicting. I am thankful it exists, and thankful to have read it at this point in my life, when I am so drained, so tired, and in many ways at the end of my tether. It is, in many ways, the encouragement my soul needed.
I have devoured this book in less than a day, but I feel strongly compelled to mention that I can see the influence of critical theory on her thoughts, and I see the danger therein. CT is something I have read about extensively. There are differences of theology, and then there are things I will never give legitimacy to. Critical theory is one of them; it is so counter to the message of Jesus, who consistently did not respond to 'power dynamics' the way he was 'supposed' to. He did not set people up in a perpetual state of oppressed or oppressor. No one should ever feel guilty because of an immutable characteristic that they cannot change. The prompting to change is in response to your thoughts and actions; your behaviour. Not EVER because you are black, white, male or female, straight or gay, or anything else. And you are not held responsible for another's sins; we don't do collective punishment. There's a reason it's a war crime.
It is possible to hold two things to be true. Australia has an absolutely shocking history in terms of race, one we must confront and be honest about, but holding collective guilt over the heads of people who have done nothing simply because they are of a certain skin colour is. not. the. answer. It will never be the answer. Anna's guilt about 'whiteness' perfectly illustrated this point to me. Interestingly, it seemed to me that critical theory was not present in the beautiful Indigenous artist's response to Anna: her response centres around Jesus' redemption of all people and place. Which is, in fact, the answer, and the point.
All in all, grateful for this book, and for Anna's honestly. She has a beautiful heart and a wonderful way with words, and God has worked most powerfully in her life.
I have devoured this book in less than a day, but I feel strongly compelled to mention that I can see the influence of critical theory on her thoughts, and I see the danger therein. CT is something I have read about extensively. There are differences of theology, and then there are things I will never give legitimacy to. Critical theory is one of them; it is so counter to the message of Jesus, who consistently did not respond to 'power dynamics' the way he was 'supposed' to. He did not set people up in a perpetual state of oppressed or oppressor. No one should ever feel guilty because of an immutable characteristic that they cannot change. The prompting to change is in response to your thoughts and actions; your behaviour. Not EVER because you are black, white, male or female, straight or gay, or anything else. And you are not held responsible for another's sins; we don't do collective punishment. There's a reason it's a war crime.
It is possible to hold two things to be true. Australia has an absolutely shocking history in terms of race, one we must confront and be honest about, but holding collective guilt over the heads of people who have done nothing simply because they are of a certain skin colour is. not. the. answer. It will never be the answer. Anna's guilt about 'whiteness' perfectly illustrated this point to me. Interestingly, it seemed to me that critical theory was not present in the beautiful Indigenous artist's response to Anna: her response centres around Jesus' redemption of all people and place. Which is, in fact, the answer, and the point.
All in all, grateful for this book, and for Anna's honestly. She has a beautiful heart and a wonderful way with words, and God has worked most powerfully in her life.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 25, 2020
Unutterably moving and achingly poetic.
McGahan holds both the brutality and brightness of her life so gently. She refuses to prescribe for others the experiences and opinions she values, nor does she proscribe any darkness of her own or others. Sometimes her insights were so sharp that I had to put the book down for days. Her words were like a curved needle stitching up wounds that should have healed long ago and I needed time to let the stitches do their work. She surprised my fears that her story would progress into something insincerely vanilla, comforted me about my own life and taught me new things for the future I have never before had the heart to believe.
When I finished, I rested her book warmly on my chest for quite some time, and slowly realised I was unconsciously willing its contents to seep into me, stay with me, and transform me.
If you're looking for a tale that is both material and spiritual, here is one for you, full of surprising textures and replete with tenderness.
McGahan holds both the brutality and brightness of her life so gently. She refuses to prescribe for others the experiences and opinions she values, nor does she proscribe any darkness of her own or others. Sometimes her insights were so sharp that I had to put the book down for days. Her words were like a curved needle stitching up wounds that should have healed long ago and I needed time to let the stitches do their work. She surprised my fears that her story would progress into something insincerely vanilla, comforted me about my own life and taught me new things for the future I have never before had the heart to believe.
When I finished, I rested her book warmly on my chest for quite some time, and slowly realised I was unconsciously willing its contents to seep into me, stay with me, and transform me.
If you're looking for a tale that is both material and spiritual, here is one for you, full of surprising textures and replete with tenderness.
May 18, 2020
Anna McGahan’s work is beautiful in her rendering of an authentic encounter with the Holy Spirit. Her story is compelling, but not overbearing. Her prose style itself is fluent and easy to digest.
Anna is brave in the retelling of her pain. She doesn't hide behind sanctimony, nor retell her story through rose coloured glasses. It is very real, sometimes uncomfortably so.
I think this is an excellent book insofar as she deals sensitively with a range of life stages- it is something that I will come back to. I found her account of her university years particularly poignant insofar as she beautifully and painfully articulates how we pursue experiences in the name of becoming better artists and better thinkers, but ultimately numb ourselves in the process.
A highlight within Metanoia is the way that Anna deals with her sexuality. She doesn't pretend that finding God magically cured her of same-sex attraction and relentlessly pursues her own revelation. Her journey with the Holy Spirit is powerful in its authenticity and complexity.
What I love most about this book is that it leads us towards Jesus. I found myself falling more in love with God and wanting to know him in a deeper way. That being said, McGahan is adamant that her intention is not to proselytize, and makes sure that her experiences and language are accessible . I think it would be a mistake to suggest that this book is only for Christian audiences - I would highly recommend it!
Anna is brave in the retelling of her pain. She doesn't hide behind sanctimony, nor retell her story through rose coloured glasses. It is very real, sometimes uncomfortably so.
I think this is an excellent book insofar as she deals sensitively with a range of life stages- it is something that I will come back to. I found her account of her university years particularly poignant insofar as she beautifully and painfully articulates how we pursue experiences in the name of becoming better artists and better thinkers, but ultimately numb ourselves in the process.
A highlight within Metanoia is the way that Anna deals with her sexuality. She doesn't pretend that finding God magically cured her of same-sex attraction and relentlessly pursues her own revelation. Her journey with the Holy Spirit is powerful in its authenticity and complexity.
What I love most about this book is that it leads us towards Jesus. I found myself falling more in love with God and wanting to know him in a deeper way. That being said, McGahan is adamant that her intention is not to proselytize, and makes sure that her experiences and language are accessible . I think it would be a mistake to suggest that this book is only for Christian audiences - I would highly recommend it!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 22, 2025
Some elements of this book were beautiful and deeply introspective which I appreciated. However, I am not personally religious and do not agree with various stand points she has which is why I did not rate this higher. I also later found out that some of the views I disagreed with and found to be judgemental, she has since moved away from in her new book. However, I think that’s a beautiful thing, for someone’s perspective to change overtime and for it to be documented! Keen to read her new book.
November 10, 2022
Enchanting, powerful, cleansing.
Anna brings you in as a close friend, there is no ego in her recollecting, only earnest and honest words. She brings Metanoia, a word meaning to change the direction of one’s life, Christian repentance to life, skilfully. This book is spirit led, convicting and an image of grace for every modern young Christian woman. Seen and understood - I cried and grieved and laughed through this book.
Anna brings you in as a close friend, there is no ego in her recollecting, only earnest and honest words. She brings Metanoia, a word meaning to change the direction of one’s life, Christian repentance to life, skilfully. This book is spirit led, convicting and an image of grace for every modern young Christian woman. Seen and understood - I cried and grieved and laughed through this book.
August 5, 2020
A beautiful, devastating, powerful book. I'm so grateful for Anna's openness to share her life story. The work of the Holy Spirit in her own life has stirred something in me and I'm excited about the possibilities.
December 30, 2020
Read this in two sittings. The raw vulnerability & heartbreaking beauty of this narrative will leave you aching, gasping, wondering, revelling, and in reverential awe. With poetic lyricism & the ring of truth, Anna McGahan tells her story, that of an embodied soul transformed by meeting Jesus Christ in the Gospels, and warmly invites you in to witness grace within chaos & healing from brokenness.
March 25, 2020
This is one of the most special books I've ever read. It changed the way I look at my own faith. The honesty is almost too much (in a good way), I basically cried all the way through. I won't lie, some of the first part was a bit hard to get through, and I admire Anna so much for writing about her experiences in such a raw and candid, but also gentle way. I don't know how it feels to bare yourself to the world like that, but I'm grateful to her for it. It changed some of my views, reminded me of some things, made me aware of others. It attuned me to similar experiences in my own life. I feel woken up. Thank you, Anna McGahan.
May 1, 2020
So beautiful raw. Raw with herself, her past and God. And somehow by being so calls you to do the same with yourself. So tender, gentle yet full of passion. Can't count how many times I cried.
September 4, 2020
Beautiful, challenging, thought-provoking, uncomfortable, revelatory and a journey in itself. Loved this memoir and feel enriched in my faith, as a woman, and as a creative thinker.
May 12, 2021
Turned About
Wonderful story of a true conversion to Christian Faith by an unlikely actor. Stunningly full of truth and hope. A must read.
Wonderful story of a true conversion to Christian Faith by an unlikely actor. Stunningly full of truth and hope. A must read.
July 20, 2023
Tedious. This is mainly a book about the author’s spiritual journey into christianity. Just not my thing. I should have taken the subtitle ‘born again’ seriously.
February 26, 2020
This is a raw and honest account about a young actress from Brisbane who finds Christianity and her place in life.
March 24, 2020
Read in a couple of hours. Beautiful prose! Beautiful story.
January 19, 2021
A deeply personal, open and moving book. Anna has written beautifully about her journey to faith. Thank you for writing this book. It has been a challenge and blessing to my own faith. Would recommend to anyone!
March 16, 2020
Anna is raw and honest and determined to tell her story of finding peace with her body, peace with her mind, and peace with God. She does a beautiful job of intertwining feminist perspectives, stories of people she loves, and confession of her own shortcomings as she depicts how she was romanced by the Christian God to become the woman/actress/rolemodel/wife/mother she is now. She unpacks some hard topics: fighting yourself, fighting the world, embracing then fighting then reframing who her industry told her she should be. She leaves us with hope. This is a story of identity-building. Highly recommend.
March 5, 2020
Well worth investing the time. This is a brave and well written memoir. I don’t have the experience of coming to Christian faith or being part of a Christian or other faith community but there was still a lot for me here, even in that story and in McGahan’s relationship with God and her struggle to accept His love (or any love) and to have trust in the full power of what is offered her in her life and her art. (I think I might have been more impressed by its bravery, honesty and writing if I hadn’t recently read Chloe Higgins’ _The Girls_.) The way she writes about her newborn daughter, with such empathy (and, on her blog, about new motherhood as an actress) is really powerful and moving. I’d be interested to read more from her about her work, especially writing — a creative-life memoir perhaps.
August 28, 2020
This story inspired me and reawakened a buried hope within me. It’s a beautiful reminder that life will always have gifts to give so long as you get through the hard times. Reading this book was a pleasure
February 29, 2020
A close friend highly recommended this book and I ordered it immediately. It arrived in the mail a few days later and I devoured it in a short time. It is an amazing memoir of the author's chaotic yet inspiring life thus far. It is confronting, raw, challenging, heartbreaking, hopeful and so much more. It is one of those books which has such an impact on the reader that one is compelled to want to read it again.
January 29, 2020
A very raw and honest account of Anna's journey, beautifully told - it's been awhile since a book moved me to tears.
It's the modern day story of the prodigal son (or perhaps prodigal daughter).
It's the modern day story of the prodigal son (or perhaps prodigal daughter).
February 7, 2020
I have loved watching the luminous presence of Anna McGahan on Aussie TV, so when I heard her interviewed about her memoir in which she describes her spiritual journey I knew that this was a book I had to have. From the excesses of her youth, her search for Buddhist spirituality which also involved hiking to base camp at Mt Everest, to her eventual conversion to Christianity via the Pentecostal Church, it became clear that this is someone who doesn't do things by halves. I was confronted by the conservatism of her early experiences in her new faith, especially in light of the example of our current political leader, but I found her theology to be sound and her heart firmly directed towards helping those less fortunate rather than focusing on a prosperity gospel. And eventually she moved on from here, deepening her experience in other traditions. If her writing is at times painfully self-analytical, it's also searingly honest and deeply courageous. I found her story inspirational, but very human. Her writing is beautiful and I hope there'll be a sequel some years down the track. I couldn't put it down.
January 11, 2020
This book was so powerful I could not put it down. I read through an afternoon, pausing for dinner, and then finished it in the bath. The water went cold but it didn’t matter because the story was captivating.
Anna’s experience of God is similar to my own. The way God spoke to her resonates with me. This book makes me want to get down on my knees and pray earnestly that God will use me and teach me every day of my life.
Well done, Anna.
Anna’s experience of God is similar to my own. The way God spoke to her resonates with me. This book makes me want to get down on my knees and pray earnestly that God will use me and teach me every day of my life.
Well done, Anna.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews