We Too: Essays on Sex Work and Survival: Essays on Sex Work and Survival

by Natalie West (Editor), Melissa Gira Grant (Contributor), Audacia Ray (Contributor)

This collection of narrative essays by sex workers presents a crystal-clear rejoinder: there's never been a better time to fight for justice. Responding to the resurgence of the #MeToo movement in 2017, sex workers from across the industry--hookers and prostitutes, strippers and dancers, porn stars, cam models, Dommes and subs alike--complicate narratives of sexual harassment and violence, and expand conversations often limited to normative workplaces.

Writing across topics such as homelessness, motherhood, and toxic masculinity, We Too: Essays on Sex Work and Survival gives voice to the fight for agency and accountability across sex industries. With contributions by leading voices in the movement such as Melissa Gira Grant, Ceyenne Doroshow, Audacia Ray, femi babylon, April Flores, and Yin Q, this anthology explores sex work as work, and sex workers as laboring subjects in need of respect--not rescue.

A portion of this book's net proceeds will be donated to SWOP Behind Bars (SBB).

Genres: Nonfiction, Feminism, Essays, Sex Work, Memoir, Politics, Social Justice

328 pages, Paperback

First published February 9, 2021

Reviews

[Dee Dee (Dee Reads for Food) · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was equal parts enlightening and infuriating. It is not meant to be marathoned, instead, it requires time and careful consideration.

Sex work has been historically frowned upon and so the traumas that sex workers are exposed to are not addressed with the care that they deserve. This book invites us into the world of the sex worker as each deal with the hows and the whys of their work as well as the ways in which they deal with and navigate the abuses that they face in their line of work. Even as I write this I'm consciously checking that I am not contributing to the biases that non-sex workers have had ingrained into our psyche where it's a 'given' that abuse is part and parcel with the occupation. Being a police officer means that you run the risk of getting shot in the line of duty, that doesn't mean that a downed officer is brushed aside as collateral damage/par for the course. No, there is outcry, investigations and repercussions.

The decision to work in the sex industry, whether through choice or necessity, does not negate your humanity, your right to raise children, your ownership of your body, your agency in decision making. Watching each of these narrators find ways to survive in a world that doesn't care about them broke my heart.

Ugh. I need to read this again...slower.

[Bonnie G. · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am not going to lie, there is a lot of Anarchist/undergrad Socialist "it is all about late stage capitalism" crap in here. I laughed at an essay about how we shoujdl be making porn that was focused on socialist anti-racist principles. I cannot imagine that is going to sell like hotcakes. That said, there is is also some truly thought-provoking assumption-smashing work here. Many of these writers kicked me in the butt and changed the way I look at sex work and at "feminist" but anti-woman approaches to looking at sex work. We create and foster an unsafe work environment for sex workers by perpetuating the idea that sex workers implicitly hand over control and the expectation of safety when they accept payment. When we say someone treated us like a whore, we are accepting that the behavior we are complaining about is acceptable when enacted upon whores. That is not okay. Sex workers are workers, and they deserve the same protection against abuse and harassment as any other worker. In one essay, the writer mentions a judge who lowered rape charges against people who gang raped a prostitute to theft of services. That should horrify everyone.

The contributors to this collection are of a type in terms of political philosophy, but there is otherwise broad representation from women (cis/trans/nonbinary) who are or who have been sex workers. Contributors are diverse with respect to level of formal education, socioeconomic status, race, religion, national origin, job description (from porn actors and producers, to cam girls, to escorts, to street hookers, and more), kink (though there is a strong overrepresentation of fem dom workers), and geographic location (though all are in the US and the majority are working in major metropolitan areas.) I am grateful that these women shared information with me that will make me a better ally for sex workers and, honestly, a better person. There is 5-star and 1-star work here. I am going with a 3-star, but would go 3.5 if I could, and I recommend this to all with a trigger warning. Nothing here is erotic, but the discussion of the sex acts engaged in is frank. There is content I found very disturbing, some disgusting, some which I think is psychologically damaging. Anyone who knows me knows I am comfortable hearing about a wide range of sex practices but I never need to hear about people being punched in the cervix again.

[Corvus · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm hoping to write a longer review later. I have some extreme reactions to this. Most of the entries are fantastic and I saw a lot of familiar names from queer porn and was saddened to hear of what they went through. I learned a lot about sex work activism and organizing efforts. The essays on how to decipher cults from chosen family and the corruption within "ethical" and "feminist" porn companies were my personal favorites.

One essay details what is in my opinion one of the most irresponsible exercises of (bdsm) power exchange that I've read and I can't stop thinking about how ridiculous I find it being included in this. I've done demos and have been in some hardcore play scenarios and D/s relationships and even with blanket consent in a 24/7 agreement, I would find it abominable to 1. Do a demo with a slave without discussion of 2. PUBLIC humiliation involving enemas and diapers which is 3. their first experience of the sort 4. having paid no attention to their health ahead of time, 6. in front of a class you're supposed to be teaching proper consent to, and 7. painting the whole thing as ok bc you call them an uwu good boy after. I do not shy away from extremes and this was so irresponsible at best that I can't stop thinking about it. Why was that essay in this book?

This obsession has kept me from writing a more coherent review.

[Kev Nickells · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love collections that are like 'here's a bunch of people telling their own stories'. I find it especially useful with marginalised voices (like Bernstein's collection ' why are f____s so afraid of f____s' [periphrasis because it's not a word people want to be seeing casually].

Speaking of things that people don't want to see casually - this book is complex. It's necessary but one of the abiding themes is the difficulty of arriving at a voice as a sex worker - their marginalisation constantly turned back on them, the distrust of mainstream feminism to listen to and trust their voices. Sex is still not talked about well and, by extension, sex work even less so.

This isn't a book that's *positive* about sex work. It's not negative either - rather it's a clear exposition of how people get into it, how they negotiate it. Clichedly, the good, bad, and ugly. Overwhelmingly (for me at least) it screams that the primary source of danger is sex work being clandestine. And the police. And the struggles not faced in other lines of work - the difficulty of keeping tabs on dangerous Johns, the adjacent criminal elements, the inability to unionise (in a broad sense) or share information. Possibly the bit that struck me is how many of these women are doing a shitty job with kids, but a job that is, to them, less shitty than the other options.

I'm not an expert on sex work but there's a fair spread of what I know of - dommes, porn stars, strippers, camgirls, prostitutes etc - and a great range of tones. Some of them are academic in tone, some of them conversational but all compelling.

I went in wanting a book that was sex workers in their own voice and that's exactly what this is. Very much comes with trigger warnings all over it but it feels like it's worth getting through the horror to hear these women's voices.

[Jung · Rating 5 out of 5]

[4.5-5 stars] A collection of essays by current and former sex workers on their experiences with interpersonal violence, cultural whorephobia, healing, and survival. A balanced mix of personal and political, it provides a good introduction for those newer to learning about sex worker-centered organizing and injects necessary nuance into the broader sexual violence conversations happening in the media. Those familiar with existing sex worker rights and liberation advocates and activists will be familiar with a number of the writers. I wish there were more disabled, trans, BIPOC, and rural sex worker voices here, and hope that there is much more to come from Feminist Press on sex work/er narratives. Recommended for those interested in growing their feminist abolitionist knowledge, understanding nuances and language, and honoring narratives.

Goodreads Challenge: 37/60
Nonfiction Reading Challenge: published in 2021

[Sarah Rayman · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m giving this a 4 only because it took me forever to get through and wasn’t as fast of a read as I anticipated. This is a HEAVY book. Essential reading for anyone interested in diving into why sex work is WORK. It’s uncomfortable at times but let those barriers and biases DOWN BABY. Super intersectional, gut-wrenching, important. It came out recently enough to include a mention of COVID-19, which I didn’t realize because I fail to look at publication dates. If you’re truly an ally to oppressed communities, please make sure you’re including sex workers of all kinds.

[Elyse Wanzenried · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved the variety of essays here in terms of both form and writer, a very rich body of work and incredibly curated.

[Chelsea Chase · Rating 5 out of 5]

Admiring the bravery of all the authors and editors who have addressed an incredibly fraught and nuanced topic. The fear is that any talk among sex workers about the sexual assaults we face will ultimately lead to SWERFs using our stories out of context, fit into their narrative. This fear also presents the possibility of backlash from other sex workers, who may feel that this should be an inside conversation. However, the authors in this collection handled the topic with great care and vulnerability. From now on, whenever a civilian wants to talk to me about sexual assault within sex work, I'm going to refer them to this book first, because if someone really wants to know about this topic, then they are going to have to pay the subject matter the respect it deserves by reading an entire book about it. This subject matter requires an entire book to explore the nuance and can't be addressed in brief conversations, memes or tweets. Thank you to all of the fearless authors and editors who brought this necessary thing into the world. <3

[Angèle Chenard · Rating 4 out of 5]

wasn’t expecting to be as challenged by this as i was. i had to check my own biases quite a few times, but i feel like that’s growth, hopefully?

in particular, i liked the essay on demystifying porn. “feminist porn is not an aesthetic choice, but an ethical choice”. it’s not about how the porn looks to the viewer, but the steps that are taken behind the scenes to respect and care for all those involved. this whole essay really resonated with me and what i studied during my undergrad.

the other one i really liked was good faith and comparing a charismatic cult leader to a passionate dom in a polycule.

i need to read more stuff like this my sociology brain was flexing and it felt good

[Hannah Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

TRIGGER WARNING FOR SEXUAL ASSAULT DESCRIPTIONS

This may be in contention for my top book of the year. I am weary to recommend this collection of essays to all, as there are multiple accounts of sexual assault. However, this collection was riveting, eye-opening, humbling, and an absolute honor to have been able to read. Thank you to those who came together to create this instrumental and inspiring piece. No more SWERFs speaking to the masses!!!!

Favorite essay: ‘Bifurcating’ by Juniper Fitzgerald

[Kelly Lamich · Rating 4 out of 5]

I saw someone else’s review claim reading this was both equal parts enlightening and infuriating and I couldn’t agree more. It was heart wrenching and incredibly important to hear these different stories and to keep listening and learning so more people feel comfortable coming forward and feel supported in doing so. Really glad I read this one.

[L · Rating 5 out of 5]

Probably one of my favorite nonfiction books, up there with Care Work. I loved all of these essays so much, I listened to the audio book but I’ll be getting a hard copy ASAP so I can read through it again, marking it up and highlighting my favorite parts… just one of those books you know you’ll think about forever. Highly recommend ❤️

[Ian · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gives a variety of perspectives on sex work. Instead of the "sex work as degradation" narrative that dominated discourse until recently, or fully embracing the "sex work as empowerment" narrative that's lately been made more popular by the industry's more privileged participants, the book shows how the industry encapsulates many things - and often multiple things for the individual sex workers. Despite the varied perspectives, there was still an overarching call for the decriminalization of sex work and the creation of protections for sex workers on par with those given for workers in other industries.

[Danielle Schiestle | brooklynbookgirl · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read. I’ll be revisiting the highlights from this one. I have many thoughts. But right now I’ll just sit in awe of these humans sharing their experiences, their activism, their work, their backgrounds, their trauma, their joy, and the fluidity & beauty of all things sex and sexuality. Lots of unlearning from this book. Lots of things to sit with. One to take slowly and read purposefully. It’s powerful.

[Georgia Hawkins · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting collection of essays that explore a range of views around sex work. As with any anthology, some essays didn’t quite hit the mark but the majority were very powerful! Lots of food for thought

[Ruhi Pudipeddi · Rating 5 out of 5]

wow this collection contains 32 incredibly curated pieces that are honest, vulnerable, gripping... i don't know how to write an apt review for this book but it is remarkable

[Hannah Cooper · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. I was gripped by every single one of these essays and impressed by each authors honesty and integrity, and how eloquently each was written. I think it has been pieced together thoughtfully in a way that represents the community.

[Shaylene · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading this as a fellow sex worker was the most inspiring and touching book. I had goosebumps the entire time and couldn't put it down. I'll never get over how good this book is, and i'll never stop talking about it. I love sex workers so much, i've never felt that I had more of a community and family in this industry than I do after reading this. I think every civilian needs to read this as well. I want to make all my submissives read this as a task then go tell everyone what they've learned too!

[Hazel P · Rating 4 out of 5]

✏️ I skimmed through the last 200 pages and probably skipped 2 articles. The reading was interesting and challenging. It was interesting as most of the information here was new, and challenging because it was difficult for me to ascertain my own opinion on the industry. While I agree on decriminalizing sex work, I still see sex work as an economic transaction derived from infringement on bodily rights. I read this collection of interviews between Chizuko Ueno and Suzumi Suzuki 2 years ago and formed the impression that although sex workers can declare all actions are born out of their own agency, “the personal is political”, and the statement can’t exempt that we’re all living in a system - namely, patriarchy.

The idea is also echoed by Lola Davina in this collection, in her essay “The Belly of the Beast”:

“p273 After all, I was profiting from a racist, misogynist, transphobic, fatphobic, ableist, ageist system perpetuating impossible standard of beauty - hard to call that life-affirming labor.

Racism and patriarchy define which bodies are full citizens and which are conditional, under threat from cradle to grave. Nowhere is this more blatant than in the sex industry, where the color of skin and the size and shape of body parts regulate marketability. Relentless dictates determine who "gets to" and who "has to"; who gets to screen clients and who has to service everyone who walks through the door. Who gets to charge thousands of dollars, and who has to take what they can get. Who gets to set limits, and who has to do as they're told. Lorde and other feminist and queer thinkers made it so I could no longer work with one eye open, the other closed, only half-awake.”


✍️ Back to the book, my biggest takeaways from skimming the essays are:
1. Intersectionality is pervasive.
2. A common thread is writers' criticism of law enforcement and incarceration.
3. And how the industry lacks labor law protection.


🕐 Finally, I’d like to end with one paragraph from Lola Davina’s essay:

“(p273) And yet, and yet. The sex industry may well have been built for the master's pleasure, but he is but a paying guest. Sex workers are the ones who live here. Laboring under crushing cultural forces, finding ways to step into our authentic selves. Tearing the world down to build it anew.”

[Anwen Hayward · Rating 5 out of 5]

This does absolutely everything an anthology should do. This took me months to read, which is either the sign of a great or terrible book. This one is resolutely the former.

The sheer range of narratives and perspectives included here is beyond impressive. Some essays directly contradict one another, but the whole thing seems entirely cohesive, which is really a testament to how well curated this book is; it just felt like a safe space for people to have conflicting opinions about their own lived experiences.

Really excellent work here, and absolutely vital to anyone who wants to understand more about sex work and why solidarity with sex workers is integral to any effective feminist praxis.

[Anastacia · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was hard to read. Women put up with physical abuse, mental trauma, drug addiction, and the money isn't even enough to live on most of the times. Being a sex worker sounds terrible, but it's their choice.

[Electric Dreams · Rating 5 out of 5]

"We Too: Essays on Sex Work and Survival," edited by Natalie West, is a seminal work that plays a crucial role in reshaping the dialogue around sex work and the experiences of those within it. With contributions from voices such as Tina Horn, this anthology emerges not just as a collection of essays, but as a beacon of advocacy, truth, and resilience.

The anthology's strength lies in its diversity of narratives, each essay bringing a unique and authentic voice to the forefront. This range of perspectives is essential in understanding the multifaceted nature of sex work, often misrepresented and misunderstood in mainstream discourse. The book, therefore, serves as an eye-opener, challenging the reader to look beyond stereotypes and preconceived notions, and to recognize the humanity and agency of sex workers.

Contributions like those from Tina Horn are particularly impactful. Horn's writing navigates the complex intersections of sex work with themes of consent, autonomy, identity, and the struggle for rights. These essays offer a profound insight into the lived experiences of sex workers, juxtaposing their personal stories against the backdrop of broader societal issues and the #MeToo movement. The inclusion of these voices in discussions about sexual autonomy and consent is a significant step towards a more inclusive and comprehensive understanding of these issues.

The narrative style throughout the anthology is raw, honest, and unapologetic. Each writer exposes their vulnerabilities, hopes, fears, and triumphs, inviting the reader into their world with a candidness that is both brave and rare. This level of openness is not just storytelling; it is an act of defiance against the stigma and marginalization faced by sex workers. It's a reclaiming of narratives that have been too long controlled by others.

Moreover, "We Too" extends beyond personal stories to touch on the socio-political implications of sex work. It delves into the legal, economic, and social challenges that sex workers face, highlighting the need for policy changes and societal shifts in attitude. The book serves as a reminder that the struggle for sex workers' rights is intertwined with broader fights for social justice, gender equality, and human rights.

In terms of literary value, the anthology is a testament to the power of collective storytelling. The diverse writing styles, from poignant to provocative, weave a rich tapestry of experiences and emotions. This range not only holds the reader's attention but also enriches their understanding of a complex and often controversial topic.

In conclusion, "We Too: Essays on Sex Work and Survival" is more than just an anthology; it's a crucial narrative that demands attention and respect. It challenges readers to confront their biases, broaden their understanding, and engage in meaningful discussions about sex work and survival. This book is a call to action – to listen, to understand, and to advocate for the rights and recognition of sex workers. It is an essential read for anyone committed to understanding and participating in the fight for a more equitable and just society.

[Eve · Rating 5 out of 5]

i finished this about 1:45 AM on 2022 June 18

Firstly, I still need to google up so many things said, but because I was using the audiobook, this means I'll have to get a text version so I can annotate it & such. I feel like I've seen some of these already on social media, but then again that's kind of the point of me too is to say how sexual assault is common, see commonalities, etc, hence it makes sense with we too.

This book is a series of stories about rape & workers getting attacked. It connects a lot of different lenses of activism which was important for me since I tend to fixate merely on like big labels like communism, anarchism, socialism, etc.

There's different flavors of writing styles, IDK how to feel about visualization with this sort of thing.

Anyways, I gave this a books-for-queers label because it does help debug the content from gender essentialism.

I have this book a horror-suspense label because even though I was raised up on girlpower murder ballads (which had gender essentialism problems, lol), technically murder ballads developed from obituaries, and so with this it's like we're dealing with how people got assaulted in the workplace. point being while the suspense isn't a goal with this book, it's definitely some horror.

there are discussions about pandemics, cults, how presentation works, etc.

[Onyx · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really wonderful and well produced collection of vignettes and essays on sex work. As a reader it was cohesive and respectable in all that it tackled. However, i found myself frustrated at the continual down play of some of these workers engaging in harmful stereotypes and role play such as “rape play fantasies” or “unconscious fantasies” as if allowing these men to indulge in pretending to be the perpetrator and take pleasure from it wont have real life repercussions for the women they go on to harm and the schemas they now have that will cause that harm. Like it’s not ��empowering” and “radical” to pretend that this man “raping” you is pleasurable and then getting paid, think about the impact this will have on other women. So that was constantly grating on me as it cropped up a lot and disturbed me by the lack of care towards something so disgusting and harmful. Other than this issue this collection was very insightful and unapologetic (which i admired most of the time…) and really humanised this seemingly agent-less industry.

[Hot Yoga Mom · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fascinating and compelling compilation of essays on sex work, trauma, love, healing, etc. I really appreciated that all the pieces in this book felt distinctly unique and did not blend into one another, as is so common when speaking extensively about a shared theme. The diversity in literary styles present was also wonderful: a combination of analytical/academic articles, personal reflections, interviews, and some hybrid essays. I would definitely recommend to anyone seeking to listen directly to the voices of sex workers on their experiences — not NGOs or non-sex-working feminists. ❤️

[Lola · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a worker myself I read this again and again and again. These stories are so important when the media, and by extension general public, imagine us at flattened objects, reduced to a set false stereotypes often embedded in transphobia, racism, xenophobia, misogyny and ablism. This book tells our stories and provides the reader with a fuller formed understanding of who sex workers are and (hopefully) why their imagined two dimensional assumptions of us are wrong. It’s time our stories were told by us.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

A brutally honest and powerful collection of essays written by sex workers. Personal and political, this collection gives nuance and insight into the conversation that "sex work is work". As with any collection of writing, some pieces are more effective than others, and which ones stand out to you will depend on each individual and their own experiences and perspective. An important and interesting read. 4 stars.

[Aleia Tipton · Rating 4 out of 5]

As many of the reviews agree, this book is both enlightening in terms of whats really going on for sex workers, and infuriating at the nature of what is happening within the industry.
I loved the short stories as they highlighted many perspectives. Definitely raw emotion and heavy, and a good book to take your time processing, versus reading through quickly. There is a lot to absorb here! 4.5/5!

[Kim · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ok, well, that would have been really helpful last spring when I was finishing up my Forensic Psych M.Sc-- specifically in the "sex crimes" course.

The books I'm choosing to read this year in the 4 categories of BLM, fostering, SV/ST, and faith are really helping me solidify my next professional steps-- didn't realize that would be an outcome, but yay!

[Pixismiler · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good book that is a collection of essays written by current and former sex workers and some of the violence they’ve experienced. There was definitely a lot of thought provoking information here that I hadn’t thought about before. Biggest issue is that non sex workers try to write their own narrative about sex work and don’t listen to the stories of sex workers themselves. There is a lot of graphic information in here so reader beware. Very good book.