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No właśnie, miłość. O tym kogo, jak i dlaczego kochamy
Poeci, filozofowie i artyści od wieków próbowali wyjaśnić naturę miłości, A Laura Mucha postanowiła zapytać ludzi takich jak my. Przeprowadziła wywiady z setkami nieznajomych w wieku od lat 8 do 95 w ponad czterdziestu krajach, prosząc ich o podzielenie się swoimi najbardziej osobistymi przeżyciami.
– Czy istnieje miłość od pierwszego wejrzenia?
– W jaki sposób wychowanie wpływa na nasze związki z innymi?
– Czego powinniśmy szukać u partnera?
– Czy monogamia jest naturalna?
– Dlaczego ludzie zdradzają?
– Skąd wiadomo, że przyszła pora, żeby odejść?
– Jak radzić sobie ze stratą?
„No właśnie, miłość” łączy codzienne doświadczenia i teorię, stanowiąc doskonałą lekturę dla każdego, kto chciałby się dowiedzieć, czym jest ten stan i dlaczego – często wbrew rozsądkowi – dziwnie się zachowujemy.
– Czy istnieje miłość od pierwszego wejrzenia?
– W jaki sposób wychowanie wpływa na nasze związki z innymi?
– Czego powinniśmy szukać u partnera?
– Czy monogamia jest naturalna?
– Dlaczego ludzie zdradzają?
– Skąd wiadomo, że przyszła pora, żeby odejść?
– Jak radzić sobie ze stratą?
„No właśnie, miłość” łączy codzienne doświadczenia i teorię, stanowiąc doskonałą lekturę dla każdego, kto chciałby się dowiedzieć, czym jest ten stan i dlaczego – często wbrew rozsądkowi – dziwnie się zachowujemy.
450 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2019
126 people are currently reading
2551 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 75 reviews
March 23, 2019
Love is a lot less about romance and passion and much more about commitment, compromise and friendship in the long term. This book looking at various international studies and many personal interviews confirms most of what I’ve learnt through asking others about the topic in my quest to understand it better and not base my knowledge solely on misleading movies. One particularly interesting aspect was the notion of attachment styles (secure, anxious and avoidant) that I’ll look into further.
I recommend this book to anyone that is wondering, fed-up or even feels hopeless about finding or maintaining love or overcoming bereavement.
I recommend this book to anyone that is wondering, fed-up or even feels hopeless about finding or maintaining love or overcoming bereavement.
February 12, 2019
I loved this book and found it to be a compelling read! Through first-hand interviews and extensive research, the author has dissected why and how we love, bringing home obvious and not-so obvious truths. It's fascinating to read the intimate and open conversations these interviews initiated, and the evidence that backs up many of the interviewees feelings. Love and relationships effect every one of us, making this book relevant for all. Long after I finished the book, I continued to reflect on my own values and thoughts on love.
April 22, 2022
Not a bad book, but the title made me think that there would be a bit more science to this. It’s more fact based, not really my style, but was still a good read. You might want to have a familiarity with ‘attachment theory’ before you read this book as the author refers to it quite often. Perhaps something by Amir Levine would help as some pre-reading to accompany this book.
January 27, 2020
I wanted to love this book. The premise is incredible and the research is like nothing else. I just feel it would have been so much more beneficial if it were longer and more detailed. I wanted vivid recounts of a few interviews with individuals, not 100s of snippets and one-liners from 100s of people. This book just simply skims the surface on a lot of things that I think it had the ability to go deeper on, and I wish it would’ve. Very little information was profound or unexpected. Nonetheless, it is important information and an interesting read that will definitely get you thinking about your own relationships and attachment style. Perhaps a follow-up with in-depth recalls of interviews would satiate my intrigue more.
August 5, 2020
This book is both grounded in scientific fact and reflects the diverse spectrums of gender, sexuality, age and race.
Words: cognitive dissonance
“Love is based on a conscious positive considered choice rather than the one based on fear of intimacy and commitment or conversely of being alone.”
“what’s opposite to love? Using. Using someone as a tool to meet own needs, instead of acknowledging and confronting own aloneness and share the way love compensates for pain. Relationship of survival vs growth? And the person you are with will know that they are not loved but needed.”
Reading notes:
1. Issue:Overvalue chemistry and under value commitment. Different between lust and love; difference between romantic and companion love. What does it tell about us when we fall in love with the illusion of that person? What does it mean when we fall in love with someone who isn’t real?
2. Know your attachment style & learn to manage your emotions. Attachment styles: secure avoidance and anxious. Person who has unresolved attachment style have incoherent attachment style they can be between avoidant or anxious attachment. They are often maltreated as a child or suffered trauma as a child & haven’t processed their experiences. As a result they are often find themselves surrounded by triggers and feel disconnected from their body and emotions. Example: the reason you are worried of him cheating on you might be you are sensitive to threats because of your attachment style. Or you broke up with another person as you are subconsciously want to obtain independence and protect yourself from loss. Or you might be in disruptive relations as it might feel familiar to your upbringing. If instead of love and protection the child felt unwanted unprotected and unloved they brain will specialise in managing fear and abandonment rather than cooperating with other people and exploring the world. One of the difficulties with trauma as it’s more manageable to deny than face it.
- Earn secure attachment: find someone with secure attachment & settle down with them; find a therapist that matter, who can help to deal with insecure attachment & you see the importance. They role is to observe & understand insecure behaviours, help to Deleon emotional awareness & learn to regulate their emotions.
3. What I want from the relationship now? Know exactly what you are looking for but be aware of: what we want and what we settle for? example: London mathematicians calculation on how many women he can date in a life span based on his preferences- 26. Example: dating case:initiation of a conversation with the most attractive person, if rege red move to the next one on the least... this is why men tend to score the most beautiful woman available vs women settling to less attractive partner".
5. Looking for love:
- What to consider when dating: 1. date setting 2. Listen to yourself what’s happening internally & externally. Your ovulation cycle-the two days before the ovulation has significant impact on how you look, smell & behave. Features become more symmetrical, skin gets softer, her hips to waist ration gets larger, she is likely to wear more provocative clothes; consume less calories, go to social events. Such chemistry may show that you can mate with this person rather what his character.Watch out for your own interpreter as at times it may judge or decide on chemical mating 3. Learn more about that person and what they values are. Observe attachment style of the other person, how do they behave in the certain situation as you may be on the other side soon. Avoidant may project what they don't like about themselves on you & anxious be negative about oneselve.
6. (Not) looking for love: be a good person; don't fall in the society expectations after all if you do get involve with someone & it doesn't work out they will judge you anyway and may say how did you not see who he was ect...Assumption if you haven't found someone by certain age you are doomed & something wrong with you; haven't been chosen... but reality is we seek something different. Media portraits singles: lonely insecure or frustrated.
- what’s opposite to love? Using. Using someone as a tool to meet their needs. Instead acknowledge and confront your aloneness and share the way love compensates for pain. Relationship of survival vs growth? And the person you are with will know that they are not loved but needed.
7. Extravagant expectations- studies show that the number of past relationships and past experiences are not enough to change expectations. If you have unrealistic expectations no matter what your partner does it won’t change how you feel and vice verse.
8. For better or for worse: it’s excepted good &bad and considering how worse it could be. Never taking disagreements to seriously, realising other person have feelings & problems, seen two sides of every problem. It’s acceptance of being different & moving on. Tolerance is key. Think long & hard before you decided to change, hasty decisions are not suitable for the long term. Young generation live in the moment, if the moment isn’t right than the future isn’t. Instead of saying that moment has passed and future is brighter. Too much moment affect a lifetime and deciding to walk away from it. Forgiveness can cause a bad behaviour to reoccur.
9. Fidelity (high sensations seekers are more likely to cheat)
10. Healthy arguments are good, it helps to negotiate differences. Arguments also can be due to insecurities and attachments. through forgiving we can experience strength and joy.
11. Dopamine of getting high in the situation no matter how it received, your needs not met or your values disregarded vs long term
12. When things end: are you continue reading a book that at the start was amazing but then turned into trash? To help you consider if you prefer to listen to the author? Are they prepared to be honest and vulnerable? Do you trust they judgement? Are they values aligned with yours? Whose words are you prepared to listen to and change by?
- know your deal breakers: treating each other well, you acknowledge it and sort it out. Does he act unkind deliberately?
- self sacrifice va self love
13. Choose slowly and wisely, get to know them, they attachment styles, they behaviour, values
Words: cognitive dissonance
“Love is based on a conscious positive considered choice rather than the one based on fear of intimacy and commitment or conversely of being alone.”
“what’s opposite to love? Using. Using someone as a tool to meet own needs, instead of acknowledging and confronting own aloneness and share the way love compensates for pain. Relationship of survival vs growth? And the person you are with will know that they are not loved but needed.”
Reading notes:
1. Issue:Overvalue chemistry and under value commitment. Different between lust and love; difference between romantic and companion love. What does it tell about us when we fall in love with the illusion of that person? What does it mean when we fall in love with someone who isn’t real?
2. Know your attachment style & learn to manage your emotions. Attachment styles: secure avoidance and anxious. Person who has unresolved attachment style have incoherent attachment style they can be between avoidant or anxious attachment. They are often maltreated as a child or suffered trauma as a child & haven’t processed their experiences. As a result they are often find themselves surrounded by triggers and feel disconnected from their body and emotions. Example: the reason you are worried of him cheating on you might be you are sensitive to threats because of your attachment style. Or you broke up with another person as you are subconsciously want to obtain independence and protect yourself from loss. Or you might be in disruptive relations as it might feel familiar to your upbringing. If instead of love and protection the child felt unwanted unprotected and unloved they brain will specialise in managing fear and abandonment rather than cooperating with other people and exploring the world. One of the difficulties with trauma as it’s more manageable to deny than face it.
- Earn secure attachment: find someone with secure attachment & settle down with them; find a therapist that matter, who can help to deal with insecure attachment & you see the importance. They role is to observe & understand insecure behaviours, help to Deleon emotional awareness & learn to regulate their emotions.
3. What I want from the relationship now? Know exactly what you are looking for but be aware of: what we want and what we settle for? example: London mathematicians calculation on how many women he can date in a life span based on his preferences- 26. Example: dating case:initiation of a conversation with the most attractive person, if rege red move to the next one on the least... this is why men tend to score the most beautiful woman available vs women settling to less attractive partner".
5. Looking for love:
- What to consider when dating: 1. date setting 2. Listen to yourself what’s happening internally & externally. Your ovulation cycle-the two days before the ovulation has significant impact on how you look, smell & behave. Features become more symmetrical, skin gets softer, her hips to waist ration gets larger, she is likely to wear more provocative clothes; consume less calories, go to social events. Such chemistry may show that you can mate with this person rather what his character.Watch out for your own interpreter as at times it may judge or decide on chemical mating 3. Learn more about that person and what they values are. Observe attachment style of the other person, how do they behave in the certain situation as you may be on the other side soon. Avoidant may project what they don't like about themselves on you & anxious be negative about oneselve.
6. (Not) looking for love: be a good person; don't fall in the society expectations after all if you do get involve with someone & it doesn't work out they will judge you anyway and may say how did you not see who he was ect...Assumption if you haven't found someone by certain age you are doomed & something wrong with you; haven't been chosen... but reality is we seek something different. Media portraits singles: lonely insecure or frustrated.
- what’s opposite to love? Using. Using someone as a tool to meet their needs. Instead acknowledge and confront your aloneness and share the way love compensates for pain. Relationship of survival vs growth? And the person you are with will know that they are not loved but needed.
7. Extravagant expectations- studies show that the number of past relationships and past experiences are not enough to change expectations. If you have unrealistic expectations no matter what your partner does it won’t change how you feel and vice verse.
8. For better or for worse: it’s excepted good &bad and considering how worse it could be. Never taking disagreements to seriously, realising other person have feelings & problems, seen two sides of every problem. It’s acceptance of being different & moving on. Tolerance is key. Think long & hard before you decided to change, hasty decisions are not suitable for the long term. Young generation live in the moment, if the moment isn’t right than the future isn’t. Instead of saying that moment has passed and future is brighter. Too much moment affect a lifetime and deciding to walk away from it. Forgiveness can cause a bad behaviour to reoccur.
9. Fidelity (high sensations seekers are more likely to cheat)
10. Healthy arguments are good, it helps to negotiate differences. Arguments also can be due to insecurities and attachments. through forgiving we can experience strength and joy.
11. Dopamine of getting high in the situation no matter how it received, your needs not met or your values disregarded vs long term
12. When things end: are you continue reading a book that at the start was amazing but then turned into trash? To help you consider if you prefer to listen to the author? Are they prepared to be honest and vulnerable? Do you trust they judgement? Are they values aligned with yours? Whose words are you prepared to listen to and change by?
- know your deal breakers: treating each other well, you acknowledge it and sort it out. Does he act unkind deliberately?
- self sacrifice va self love
13. Choose slowly and wisely, get to know them, they attachment styles, they behaviour, values
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 7, 2018
This book was received as an ARC from Netgalley and Bloomsbury USA in exchange for an honest review. Opinions and thoughts expressed in this review are completely my own.
Love Understood when I first heard of the book was a little bored that there is another book that has the secret of getting through life's difficult emotion...love. I was a bit skeptical at first because I've read a lot of self-help books on love and they always end on the same note. This one however was different and I mean in a very good way. A lot of the examples were realistic in the fact that a lot of couples can relate. Also, I loved how she interviewed and reflected on real-life people other than her friends and family that were open and willing to share their stories and experiences. This book is needed for sessions at marriage counseling, difficult decisions or even moving up into a serious relationship. Every couple at some point should read this book.
We will consider adding this book to our self-help collection at our library. That is why we give this book 5 stars.
Love Understood when I first heard of the book was a little bored that there is another book that has the secret of getting through life's difficult emotion...love. I was a bit skeptical at first because I've read a lot of self-help books on love and they always end on the same note. This one however was different and I mean in a very good way. A lot of the examples were realistic in the fact that a lot of couples can relate. Also, I loved how she interviewed and reflected on real-life people other than her friends and family that were open and willing to share their stories and experiences. This book is needed for sessions at marriage counseling, difficult decisions or even moving up into a serious relationship. Every couple at some point should read this book.
We will consider adding this book to our self-help collection at our library. That is why we give this book 5 stars.
August 12, 2022
Love Understood is a book filled with interview of people all over the world about love. It is enlightening how differently people and cultures around the world see love and have experienced it. Michael also gives statistics, references, & her thoughts after completing this project. I suggest listening to the audiobook so you can hear the voices of those who agreed to have their interviews audio recorded.
March 9, 2019
This book should be called Love Misunderstood, the science of cheaters. Chapter 1 - infidelity, Chapter 2 - the detached. I couldn't keep reading, the title is SO misleading.
July 21, 2023
Plusem tej książki jest na pewno język pisarski, fizyczny wygląd stron i to, że jest po prostu przystępna dla każdego. Autorka nie wyklucza nikogo, zwraca uwagę w przypisach na sprawy, które mogą mieć wpływ na wynik badań, zostawiając nas w ukazaniu jak szeroka jest problematyka. W książce wykorzystuje opinie innych ludzi z różnych kręgów społecznych, co daje poczucie, że nie jesteśmy sami i inni ludzie mogą mieć podobne zdanie czy problemy jak my.
Doceniam uniwersalność i delikatność autorki tej książki. Mimo, że ociera się o ogólny temat miłości i uczuć, oraz nie jest to ksiażka naukowa, jest to wystarczające, aby zapoznać się z tematem i zastanowić się nad tym jak i dlaczego kochamy.
Doceniam uniwersalność i delikatność autorki tej książki. Mimo, że ociera się o ogólny temat miłości i uczuć, oraz nie jest to ksiażka naukowa, jest to wystarczające, aby zapoznać się z tematem i zastanowić się nad tym jak i dlaczego kochamy.
March 6, 2025
الكتاب مترجم للعربية
مفهوم الحب كيف نعرف من نحب ؟وكيف نحب ؟ولماذا؟-لورا موتشا
الطبعة 2023
دار الخيال ودار نابو
كتاب مليء بمقابلات مع أشخاص من جميع أنحاء العالم حول الحب كما إنه يوضح وجهة نظرة مختلفة للناس والشعوب والثقافات حول العالم للحب الرومانسي ويقدم دراسات وإحصاءات علمية وطرق للحصول على علاقات زوجية صحية طويلة الأمد
مفهوم الحب كيف نعرف من نحب ؟وكيف نحب ؟ولماذا؟-لورا موتشا
الطبعة 2023
دار الخيال ودار نابو
كتاب مليء بمقابلات مع أشخاص من جميع أنحاء العالم حول الحب كما إنه يوضح وجهة نظرة مختلفة للناس والشعوب والثقافات حول العالم للحب الرومانسي ويقدم دراسات وإحصاءات علمية وطرق للحصول على علاقات زوجية صحية طويلة الأمد
August 12, 2025
polecę kazdemu
November 1, 2019
I’ve spent the past three weeks slowly making my way through this book. Like most Non-fic books, I found it necessary to take time with this book. In order to really think about and absorb the subject matter: Love 💕! As someone who lives for romance novels - I’ve actually never read any non-fic books that talk exclusively about love and relationships. Nevertheless, I really enjoyed Love Factually and found it really informative and interesting. It strikes a decent balance between scientific explanations and more people-centred exploration of love and relationships. My one critique is that there is a bit of repetition - which makes some sections drag on longer than necessary. Especially the conversation around infidelity - which comes up a few times. But other than that - all around solid book.
•
What I love most about this book is the approach to research that Laura Mucha used. She basically interviewed a bunch of random people she met during her travels and used their responses to think about the meaning of love and the relationship between love and sustaining a long term relationships. What I got from this book - which is something I have often thought about - is that love has little to do with maintaining a long lasting relationship 🤔😳❤️. I know it sounds contrary to the dominant narrative around relationships - but it’s true. Laura (and her interviewees) provide ample empirical and anecdotal evidence to support that finding. Which is not to say that Love isn’t beautiful or important - because it is all those things. But sustaining a partnership takes a hell of a lot more than just love. One participant summed it up perfectly when he said that “...love is less about the object of your attention, that one, right person, and more about the process of loving - a process that takes study and skill...”
•
What I love most about this book is the approach to research that Laura Mucha used. She basically interviewed a bunch of random people she met during her travels and used their responses to think about the meaning of love and the relationship between love and sustaining a long term relationships. What I got from this book - which is something I have often thought about - is that love has little to do with maintaining a long lasting relationship 🤔😳❤️. I know it sounds contrary to the dominant narrative around relationships - but it’s true. Laura (and her interviewees) provide ample empirical and anecdotal evidence to support that finding. Which is not to say that Love isn’t beautiful or important - because it is all those things. But sustaining a partnership takes a hell of a lot more than just love. One participant summed it up perfectly when he said that “...love is less about the object of your attention, that one, right person, and more about the process of loving - a process that takes study and skill...”
February 17, 2019
It’s a testament to how compelling this book is that I devoured it yesterday, brazenly leaving all my household chores undone. (I’m so gonna pay for this decision later.) Anyway, academic and anecdotal, “Love Factually” systematically tries to tackle the whole gamut of relationships, differentiating between lust and love (1st chapter), describing how people resolve to live more meaningful lives after their partner’s death (last chapter). I love how theory is paired with a real-life account, appealing to both the cerebral and emotional aspects of my being. I also love how Laura Mucha consistently explains why she makes certain word choices and doesn’t shun away from making hypotheses despite the lack and limitations of research out there; reading her footnotes is like glimpsing how her mind must have worked during writing. Cosy and intimate.
Perhaps I’m biased, given my situation, but I would love for the book to explore more on mixed-race couples.
There’s a lot of discussion on how the human brain works. Previously, I read “Born to be Wild”, which similarly dwells a lot on the workings of the human brains in order to explain why teenagers make bad choices. Since some children and teenagers find love in the wrong places, I reckon “Love Factually” will help me reach out more empathetically and sensitively to those under my duty of care.
Received a review copy from Definitely Books in exchange for an honest opinion.
Perhaps I’m biased, given my situation, but I would love for the book to explore more on mixed-race couples.
There’s a lot of discussion on how the human brain works. Previously, I read “Born to be Wild”, which similarly dwells a lot on the workings of the human brains in order to explain why teenagers make bad choices. Since some children and teenagers find love in the wrong places, I reckon “Love Factually” will help me reach out more empathetically and sensitively to those under my duty of care.
Received a review copy from Definitely Books in exchange for an honest opinion.
July 14, 2021
I went into this book excited. Interviews with hundreds of people about love? I can’t wait to hear what all these people had to say. Instead, Mucha picks maybe 50 people and lets them speak for 100 words. The bulk of the book is her cherry picking tiny studies to back up an idea she has. And the footnotes! Don’t get me started on the footnotes.
I will edit this review later to include the things I liked and bookmarked, but overall, I was disappointed. I wanted to hear the interviews, not exposition.
- Aristotle says 2 types of friends: pleasure and utility
- Over a 14 year period, married couples become more similar in vocabulary and intellectual ability
- What should you look for in a romantic partner? == Who do you want to become?
- Best questions to see if you align: Do you like scary movies? Have you ever travelled alone to another country?
- The lap dancers (127)
- Rom com list (142)
- falling in love vs. standing in love [good for vows] (170)
- 46% of countries accept polygamy
- It takes about 53 years to get over "anniversary reactions" after a partner's death
I will edit this review later to include the things I liked and bookmarked, but overall, I was disappointed. I wanted to hear the interviews, not exposition.
- Aristotle says 2 types of friends: pleasure and utility
- Over a 14 year period, married couples become more similar in vocabulary and intellectual ability
- What should you look for in a romantic partner? == Who do you want to become?
- Best questions to see if you align: Do you like scary movies? Have you ever travelled alone to another country?
- The lap dancers (127)
- Rom com list (142)
- falling in love vs. standing in love [good for vows] (170)
- 46% of countries accept polygamy
- It takes about 53 years to get over "anniversary reactions" after a partner's death
November 3, 2019
Written with the basis of a ton of informal interviews made by the writer over a number of years, the language is easy to follow. She even made academic terms and concepts easy for the layman. Of course, some complexity and nuances will be lost and they are all captured in the numerous footnotes at the bottom of the pages. It's a little distracting to be honest. But, I managed to keep up a good rhythm by reading a chapter or 2 each session. Loved the epilogue, as a good summary of her overall findings, having explored so many kids of situations like loss of a partner, attachment theory, infidelity... And also the impact and possible research based suggestions of how to cope or avoid such situations. A good sociological insight into this often baffling world of love. Not the most rigorous but it's an honest book made with love and hard work of travelling and reflecting on her interviews with so many people around the world!
February 5, 2019
This book is both grounded in scientific fact and reflects the diverse spectrums of gender, sexuality, age and race.
It doesn't instruct, it doesn't set out dos and don'ts for love because love is too complex to be framed by subjective instructions. Love Factually reflects this complexity by presenting scientific objective facts and tenderly weaving these within a rich collection of insightful interviews that offers easy readable advice that reflects the diversity of real life experiences. Importantly, the advice goes beyond traditional heteronormative romance by providing perspectives from and for the LGBTQ+ community and also for the love between friends, for parents, for children, for siblings and for anyone you love, loved and will love.
I can't recommend Love Factually enough for anyone wanting to explore, strengthen and understand the many types of love in their life.
It doesn't instruct, it doesn't set out dos and don'ts for love because love is too complex to be framed by subjective instructions. Love Factually reflects this complexity by presenting scientific objective facts and tenderly weaving these within a rich collection of insightful interviews that offers easy readable advice that reflects the diversity of real life experiences. Importantly, the advice goes beyond traditional heteronormative romance by providing perspectives from and for the LGBTQ+ community and also for the love between friends, for parents, for children, for siblings and for anyone you love, loved and will love.
I can't recommend Love Factually enough for anyone wanting to explore, strengthen and understand the many types of love in their life.
August 31, 2020
I would 100% recommend this book to everyone. It's compelling, interesting & informative. I spent a few weeks reading it, carefully highlighting the parts that stood out to me and taking it all in. I couldn't recommend this book enough – everyone at some point in their lives should read this book.
The book gives you an insight into how our parents & past relationships shape our behaviour / views on love. It also talks about the different attachment styles people have and how this affects the way we love. The book is super factual, no tacky look at “love”. The book contains lots of eye opening statistics and psychological studies.
The book gives you an insight into how our parents & past relationships shape our behaviour / views on love. It also talks about the different attachment styles people have and how this affects the way we love. The book is super factual, no tacky look at “love”. The book contains lots of eye opening statistics and psychological studies.
January 30, 2021
I don’t normally decide to read non fiction or “self help” books, but on this occasion I was completely drawn in from the beginning and throughout the book interested in all of the different points of view that are put across by people that Laura has come across all over the world. I very much enjoyed the relation to studies and backed up evidence that was portrayed. I could relate to everything except for the final section which was about loss of partners and divorce, and so I found this the hardest section to stay motivated in reading. But despite this, I would recommend this book to my friends because I felt it was clear and helpful in understanding the complicated subject of love.
June 22, 2022
It has taken me a long time to read this book even though it is only 360 pages long.
For me there was a lot to absorb. I picked it up because I discovered love a lot later than most people and had no frame of reference for those feelings.
I liked the way the book was arranged for the life cycle of love eventually dealing with grief and mourning.
I found the footnotes interesting but distracting interrupting the flow of the book.
In some places I found the book daunting, almost scary as it shines a light on the complexity of love
For me there was a lot to absorb. I picked it up because I discovered love a lot later than most people and had no frame of reference for those feelings.
I liked the way the book was arranged for the life cycle of love eventually dealing with grief and mourning.
I found the footnotes interesting but distracting interrupting the flow of the book.
In some places I found the book daunting, almost scary as it shines a light on the complexity of love
March 29, 2020
Reading books is such a personal experience.
This book is based on scientific research and people’s interviews.. but who can really really understand love and love is such such personal and intimacy experience .
I think you are the only one who can be the judge if you are in a loving relationship and if this relationship is worth going ..
This book is based on scientific research and people’s interviews.. but who can really really understand love and love is such such personal and intimacy experience .
I think you are the only one who can be the judge if you are in a loving relationship and if this relationship is worth going ..
August 18, 2021
Finished this a while back, forgot to update it here. I'd say it's quite nice, gives me some new perspectives on love, realistically. Like, love is not found but built, and that every love story is different so we cannot generalize them. There is no right path to true love, so it depends on how we nurture love; anything can happen, really. That includes, leaving.
December 31, 2019
Really interesting facts and stories on all things love. I particularly found the attachment theory really interesting, which was constantly referenced throughout the book. I did lose interest halfway, and have to admit that I struggled to finish it.
April 30, 2020
Brilliant book explaining how and why we love. From exploring attachment theory to investigating infidelity, Laura navigates the delicate topic of love through stories gathered from each corner of the world. So good I read it twice ❤️
July 17, 2020
Wow. I’m so happy I read this. This is a factual, no BS look at “love”, with lots of eye opening statistics and psychological studies. This book will make you step back and reevaluate what love means.
November 11, 2021
Cool narrative approach to the science of love. The story we follow of Laura's adventure in researching the topic for this book is equally humorous as it is intriguing and educational. Worth reading if you're interested in finding out more about the psychological origins of all things romantic.
April 24, 2019
Very informative, loved the scientific approach and the interviews. Way too many foot notes though.
April 27, 2019
Really interesting! (Chapter on bereavement made me sad though …)
June 4, 2019
Gives you insight on how our parents & past relationships shape our behavior/views on love. Shares also importance of kindness in companionate love.
June 20, 2019
A very good book on Love, for me one of the first I've read so far.
You will find out the different types of love and what effect that has on your body, you will find out the difference between lust and companionship love and why each matter.
I tend to agree to the fact that lust love is one of the strongest nature's mechanisms to make us reproduce and without it it's very unlikely that our specie will survive, therefore as much as we condemn it and try to blame it for all sorts of problems and complications in our lives it is yet fundamental for the survival of our specie and it remains as a true force of nature that withstands the opposition of morality, religious dogma and all other types of repression.
On the other hand the companionship love on which the modern tale of marriage is based is being promoted as a love to aspire to as it gives you a more stable foundation to build your life upon opposed to the rocky and shaky foundation of the lust love but the two do not necessarily go hand in hand, they might go up to one point usually until habituation comes into play and makes the partner less desirable the more time you spend with him or her. In this situation the companionship love comes into play and it is supposed to represent the love of two mates who do things together, spend time with each other and is full of "brotherly/sisterly" love aimed at providing a happy flourishing life for the two.
All this sounds very good but I cannot wonder if this is really a state of love one should aspire to considering that in many cases the companionship love can easily be replaced by friends and family, why should anyone live a life dedicated to one companion alone or dedicated to someone at all ? Considering that living on your own has far more benefits than being in a relationship a fact also debated and recognized in this book.
There are also good references to philosophers in this book and if the lust love purpose is reproduction and companionship love is to live a happy life than one can argue there are other ways to achieve happiness in life next to companionship love for instance the stoic way describe better way to achieve eudaimonia ('happiness' or 'a flourishing life') through philosophy, free discussion with friends, keeping your friends close living together in what is believed to be the precursors of monasteries.
The author has left outside almost completely homosexual relationships and dedicates one chapter to polygamous, polygyny and poly-amorous relationship admitting that there are many ways to spend your marriage, partnership with someone and still having similar benefits to monogamous relations in result.
I cannot help but ask my self what would be the norm for the future of mankind. Will it still be monogamy? Will we see a lot of variation in this regard or will it be more like a Brave New World type of society where the word "mother" represents the most obscene word one can speak and people live a life dedicated to the pursuit of happiness being it through chemical agents and through sexual gratification living the matter of reproduction in the hands of the authorities ? The latter is very much likely I believe seeing the latest developments in biotech and info-tech with the latest DNA editing, artificial womb and bionic implants. ¨
A book worth reading best before you venture in relationships and commitments.
You will find out the different types of love and what effect that has on your body, you will find out the difference between lust and companionship love and why each matter.
I tend to agree to the fact that lust love is one of the strongest nature's mechanisms to make us reproduce and without it it's very unlikely that our specie will survive, therefore as much as we condemn it and try to blame it for all sorts of problems and complications in our lives it is yet fundamental for the survival of our specie and it remains as a true force of nature that withstands the opposition of morality, religious dogma and all other types of repression.
On the other hand the companionship love on which the modern tale of marriage is based is being promoted as a love to aspire to as it gives you a more stable foundation to build your life upon opposed to the rocky and shaky foundation of the lust love but the two do not necessarily go hand in hand, they might go up to one point usually until habituation comes into play and makes the partner less desirable the more time you spend with him or her. In this situation the companionship love comes into play and it is supposed to represent the love of two mates who do things together, spend time with each other and is full of "brotherly/sisterly" love aimed at providing a happy flourishing life for the two.
All this sounds very good but I cannot wonder if this is really a state of love one should aspire to considering that in many cases the companionship love can easily be replaced by friends and family, why should anyone live a life dedicated to one companion alone or dedicated to someone at all ? Considering that living on your own has far more benefits than being in a relationship a fact also debated and recognized in this book.
There are also good references to philosophers in this book and if the lust love purpose is reproduction and companionship love is to live a happy life than one can argue there are other ways to achieve happiness in life next to companionship love for instance the stoic way describe better way to achieve eudaimonia ('happiness' or 'a flourishing life') through philosophy, free discussion with friends, keeping your friends close living together in what is believed to be the precursors of monasteries.
The author has left outside almost completely homosexual relationships and dedicates one chapter to polygamous, polygyny and poly-amorous relationship admitting that there are many ways to spend your marriage, partnership with someone and still having similar benefits to monogamous relations in result.
I cannot help but ask my self what would be the norm for the future of mankind. Will it still be monogamy? Will we see a lot of variation in this regard or will it be more like a Brave New World type of society where the word "mother" represents the most obscene word one can speak and people live a life dedicated to the pursuit of happiness being it through chemical agents and through sexual gratification living the matter of reproduction in the hands of the authorities ? The latter is very much likely I believe seeing the latest developments in biotech and info-tech with the latest DNA editing, artificial womb and bionic implants. ¨
A book worth reading best before you venture in relationships and commitments.
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