The Enneagram for Relationships: Transform Your Connections with Friends, Family, Colleagues, and in Love

by Ashton Whitmoyer-Ober

Cultivate deeper relationships―a guide to the power of the Enneagram.

We all relate to the people around us in different ways and understanding those differences is the key to maintaining healthy relationships. The Enneagram for Relationships takes the straightforward wisdom of the Enneagram and helps you understand it so that you can improve the quality of your human connections.

Breaking people down into nine distinct types, the Enneagram is more than a personality test―it is a tool for understanding who you are and, more importantly, why you are who you are. Diving deep into each of the types, this easy-to-understand book provides complete breakdowns of what each one brings to various relationships, how they interact with other people, and what they can do to form healthy and fulfilling partnerships.

The Enneagram for Relationships includes:

Learn about your type―From the Reformer (Type 1) to the Peacemaker (Type 9), get a detailed explanation of each personality, what they are like, and how they function within relationships.

From personal to professional―Go beyond romance as you learn how you can use the Enneagram to improve friendships, familial bonds, and work partnerships.

Be your best self―Discover plenty of practical advice for addressing your own faults and foibles and living up to your potential―even as you learn how to navigate the other personality types at home and in the wild.

You can get along better with other people―let the Enneagram show you how.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Relationships, Audiobook, Psychology

184 pages, Paperback

Published March 31, 2020

About the author

Hi Everyone!
I’m Ashton. Enneagram Ashton to be exact. Welcome to an opportunity that could change the way that you think about yourself and others!

After graduating with a B.S. in Psychology, I decided to start my own retail business at the age of 22 and successfully ran it for 5 years. However, something was missing. I decided to go back to school to receive my M.A. in Community Psychology and Social Change.

Helping others is my life goal. I live for helping others and giving back. And that’s why I decided to become a certified enneagram coach.

I believe in the value of living up to your full potential. The value of discovering pieces of yourself that you didn’t know existed. The value of strengthening the ways that we interact with people.

Let me help you become the best version of yourself.

Reviews

[Kate R · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve been following Enneagram Ashton on Instagram for awhile now, and so I’ve been eagerly anticipating her first book. Her Instagram feed is filled with so much great information about the Enneagram types, but this book is filled to the brim with everything a beginner Enneagram researcher should know. I will say if you are interested in the Enneagram and know your type, this book is definitely for you; it will NOT give you access to the Enneagram test or determining your type.

She starts with an excellent introduction including history and information about the Enneagram and the different types. The rest of the book is divided into chapters for each Enneagram type. Each chapter gives information on the type but it’s not bogged down by a bunch of words you don’t understand. She gives examples of Enneagrams in different types of relationships, celebrities, tips and practical relationship advice in each chapter. And it was good, sound advice. You don’t feel like you are being preached at. The author is very matter of fact and informative in her delivery. It’s a very well done debut and I would highly recommend this one if you are into the Enneagram.

* ARC provided by NetGalley and the publisher in exchange for an honest review. Thank you!

[Julie · Rating 2 out of 5]

The Enneagram for Relationships offers a very basic introduction to the Enneagram, with the geometrics described well in the introduction. The chapters on each type were extremely repetitive, with a lack of depth that even an intro guide should cover. Each chapter began with a dictionary definition of the personality type's assigned word...and it goes from there.

The book had one fatal flaw: There is NO quiz or general guide on finding one's own type. The only online quiz she referenced was a Christian Enneagram advertisement: I completed TWELVE PAGES of online questionnaire, only to find out that I could not get the results without giving out my email and signing up for the Christian Enneagram site, newsletters, and "special offers"! Even though a quiz may not be 100% accurate, the reader has to start somewhere. Imagine writing an astrology book with a description of all the signs but no dates!

The author must have someone in her life who is an enneagram nine, because the last chapter was full of praise and superlatives like "amazing" and "everyone wants to be a nine" (I don't) that weren't present for types 1-8.

After reading this book, I'm not convinced of the value of the enneagram above another system like astrology. I also don't enjoy being offered only a "faith-based" option to figure out my type, when the book doesn't expressly reference religion. I received a review copy from the publisher.

[Gretta · Rating 4 out of 5]

So interesting! Learned a lot.

[Kaitlyn · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was excited to receive this book as I enjoy personality tests. I think this book is a good and very brief intro to enneagram. However, I was bummed the book did not include a test or assessment to help determine your type. The description in each chapter on types 1 through 9 are not in depth & feel repetitive, especially in use of adjectives. I didn’t connect with the author’s writing style. I agree with the other reviewer that the book feels more like an advertisement fir the authors coaching business.

I did find the five tips/checklists at the end of each chapter helpful - they were more action oriented, which also made them useful ‘real world’ examples. I also enjoyed the introduction which included an explanation of the enneagram shapes and how that works in parallel with other concepts like triads and wings.

I received this book for free.

[Morgan King · Rating 5 out of 5]

I honestly feel that everyone should read this book!!! It was so helpful in understanding why we think a certain way and act a certain way...I feel like I gained so much knowledge from this book and it helps you learn so much about yourself!! I look forward to implementing things learned from this book into my life and relationships. Amazing book!!!!

[Cassandra · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received a complimentary copy.

I love reading and learning all about the different types personalities and the ways they all combine in life factors. The book covers so much information but it is sectioned for easy reference should you need to go back and take notes otro re read.

[MKF]

DNF

This book is more of an ad for the author's business as well as other coaches. The book has no way to determine or help determine your number which explains the type that make up the most of this book. So how do you determine which number is your type? According to a small paragraph at the end of the introduction it appears more like flipping a coin. The author says taking a test is not the best way to determine your type but should be a starting place. Of course if you do take a test she recommends two then recommends that the results be reviewed by an actual coach or expert such as herself it did make me curious to wonder about the cost this review would cost people. Also, the first recommended test cost money and is through the school the author received her certification through. This has me doubt the validity and scientific accuracy of this test.

I received a free copy for an honest review.

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really loved how Ashton broke apart and explained the Enneagram in this book. The information about each type explains the type from multiple angles. It was the first time I had seen a description of each type during childhood. This actually helped me to determine that I had been mistyping myself as an Enneagram One, when I'm actually a Six - The Loyalist.

I loved the colourful pages. I have so many sticky note flags in this book and I plan to use it as a reference for the Enneagram for years to come!

[Laura Rademacher · Rating 3 out of 5]

Unfortunately, there was very little in this book that I didn’t already know. This book is very basic and is definitely for beginners in the study of the enneagram. It’s a good launch point if you are just starting out with enneagram, but doesn’t provide depth for those who are seeking to learn more.

[Grace Tolman · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have been hearing a lot about Enneagram's lately so when I saw this at my local Goodwill, I couldn't help but get it.
I have to start with the main reason this is not getting a 5 from me. If you have not taken the Enneagram test, the things in this book might not make much sense. That's how I felt when I started it. Unfortunately, this doesn't provide you with the actual test, so you'll have to get that somewhere else. I think that's the biggest flaw of this book.
Another thing that I didn't quite believe about this book was how the author talked about some of the famous people in that type. My question to her is, how did you know that? Did you actually test them or is that more based on the impressions that these famous people projected to society that made you conclude that? I would think the latter. This part kind of rubbed me wrong, especially since the author also said that we should not box any body into a single type. That with the idea of "wings", people can be a little of the different types. And yet here she is boxing certain personalities.
That being said, the way the different types were broken down by the author was manageable and wasn't full of psychological words/terms that would be hard to understand. I also liked that the author divided the qualities of each type based on their relationships to families, romantic partner, friends and colleagues. There are layers about each type that would be highlighted more in each relationship category so I appreciated how that "type" looks in every type of interaction/connection.
I have definitely learned a lot more about myself and the people closest to me. Now I'm asking my family and friends to take the test so that we can all talk about our "types".

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

*Thank you Callisto Publishers for providing me with a free eARC in exchange for an honest review.*

3.5 stars. This is the second enneagram book I've read cover to cover. I was privileged to sit down with a typologist a year ago to learn my type, and I've been researching myself and the people around me ever since - if that doesn't scream enneagram 5, I don't know what does. I was pleasantly surprised to see that Ashton is the author of this book only after I agreed to read it, because I follow her on Instagram and much appreciate her content.

This book gives a brief overview of each enneagram type, explaining their core motives and how that might play out in their personalities. Ashton offers relationship advice for each type as well as advice on how to improve yourself as whichever enneagram type you are. It's simple, straightforward, and an excellent resource especially if you're new to the enneagram. It is rather basic, so if you're looking for an in-depth guide to the enneagram, this isn't it.

There is no test within the book for discovering your type - and as someone who has both taken online tests and interviewed with a typologist, I think you should know that online tests or tests in books are never going to be accurate. If you want to know your type, you should see a professional. If that's not an option, you should read up on each type and decide which one you relate to the most. In reading through previous reviews of this book, it seems like the lack of a test is the biggest complaint others had with it.

I would recommend this to anyone looking to better understand themselves or the people around them.

[Heather Murphy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finished my first book of the summer! (Non-text book reading finally). I found the enneagram about a year ago, as you prob know if you follow my instagram stories (@msmurphy76). And as @enneagramashton explains, this is NOT a personality test. This explains the MOTIVATIONS behind our behaviors. I have learned so much of myself thru my weight loss journey, and part of getting healthy was fixing the unhealthy habits/behaviors that led to my obesity. I am a 3- THE ACHIEVER. A self proclaimed workaholic that has to be the best at everything. My 2 wing has a hard time saying NO! My 4 wing, my independent spirit where I dont want help from anyone. Thank you @enneagramashton for this book so I know how to better interact with my best friends that are 9, 4, 5, & 8. My 7 sister and my 2 boyfriend. If you want to know more, follow Ashton’s steps: take the RHETI or the free test by Beth McCord @yourenneagramcoach and then reflect on your motivations and fears. And @enneagramashton can always give you a coaching session if you need one! Get your own copy and start your own journey of self-discovery and enhance your relationships with family, friends and coworkers!

[Erin · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm a huge fan of enneagram-related content, so I was excited to pick this one up. This would be a great overview for someone who has just learned their enneagram type and doesn't have a lot of background on what that entails. I appreciated the info about each type and the breakdown of how each type functions in their relationships, career, family, etc. The downside to this book is that it was extremely short (I think I read it in about an hour). If you're focusing on reading just about your own type or the types of people you care about, you're going to finish in 30ish minutes. I would have loved a more in-depth look at each type, including more real-life examples (especially of healthy vs. not healthy manifestations of the types). I appreciated this look at the enneagram, but I was hoping for something more comprehensive.

*Free copy provided by Netgalley and the publisher in exchange for an honest review*

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great book to help you with all of your relationships. Understanding your enneagram type and the types of those close to you can lead to better communication and understanding. This book does not include a test or sorter to determine your enneagram type, but I do not see this as a negative thing as the best way to determine your type is actually to read descriptions of all nine types, not to take a test. I appreciated the action steps at the end of each type's chapter.

I received an ARC from NetGalley.

[janne Boswell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved it!! This is the first book I have read on the subject of Enneagrams and I look forward to reading more. This book does not assist you in determining your number, but it provides real world and practical advice to provide indepth 'analysis' of who you are as a 'number' and the pros and cons. The book was well written, interesting and would be helpful as a reference guide.

Thank you NetGalley & Rockridge Press for the opportunity to read and review this book.

janne boswell
https://seniorbooklounge.blogspot.com/

[Sage Nestler · Rating 3 out of 5]

I appreciated the in-depth look at the different facets of the Enneagram, but I was disappointed to find out that a quiz was not included to help the reader discover their profile. As I am 100% new to the Enneagram I found this to be a flaw that could easily be fixed. Other than that, I felt that it was a decent introductory book on the subject.

[Lynne A · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wish I knew this book did not have include some sort of test to determine what type you are. As such, the information is not helpful to me at all. I wanted to open the book, determine what I was and then read about it. I gave it two stars because I did scan through and it appears to be a good introduction if you knew what you were and wanted to understand more about the types.

[Vizzy · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was not insightful nor did it provide any deep dives into each type. An interesting topic for anyone learning about the Enneagram became an absolute wasted opportunity.

Note that all positive reviews had the book gifted to them.

The writing felt simplistic. Was this written for pre-teens? Surely not, as there are “type X as a colleague” sub chapters.

[Emily Loewen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this book really introductory and quite surface level. While I'm not an Enneagram expert by any stretch I found that this didn't go into nearly enough detail. I was hoping for more concrete strategies and information on how the different types relate to each other and found this was pretty surface level. If you've never read an Enneagram book this could be a good introduction, but if you're already familiar I would give this one a pass.

[Tammy · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book takes the Enneagram study to the next level. Knowing the characteristics of others and the basic actions they do helps make your relationships richer.

Disclaimer: I received a copy of this book from the publisher with no expectation in return. The opinion above is my own.

[Christina · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed her writing style and the in depth analysis of each type. She was also very careful to point out that we are not putting ourselves in a box but rather exploring our deepest motivations and fears and how those play out in relationships with others.

[Nicole Wylie · Rating 5 out of 5]

So insightful and helpful understanding your own enneagram and the enneagram of those around you. Great read!

[Keri Murcray · Rating 4 out of 5]

A quick evening read, but lots of good information in easily digestible chunks. I love following the author on Instagram and look forward to more from her in the future.

[Laurie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wouldn't necessarily read this as an introduction to the enneagram, but it did give me a lot of insights into myself and my loved ones!

[Susie Pettit · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well done! Great resource for those looking to learn more about enneagrams and helpful for growth within relationships (intimate, w family, and w colleagues)

[Tess Rowlands White · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved this! Helpful for me to see how different types best interact with others!

[Courtney Connelly · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was hoping to learn more in this book, but unfortunately, it fell flat. I love Ashton’s Instagram, though, and I learn so much there!

[Sarah Mangone · Rating 3 out of 5]

I find the enneagram so interesting! I was hoping this book would provide a little more insight and go deeper. It is a good book as an introduction.

[♛primadonna♛ · Rating 3 out of 5]

Average rating for an average enneagram book. Doesn't include anything that someone who already knows the basics, doesn't know.

[Makala James · Rating 4 out of 5]

Enneagram for Relationships is an enjoyable look at understanding each personality type. It’s an easy read, and a great tool for people trying to figure out their number.