It probably helps if you read the Mail or Telegraph.
Inevitably with this kind of book, it helps to share the particular loathings of the author. It doesn't have to be so, of course; Jeremy Clarkson, David Mitchell and Charlie Brooker all take positions from time to time that differ from my own - especially Mr Clarkson! - but in their own diverse ways their rants can still amuse me even when I can't agree with their viewpoint. They each bring something that makes me smile, whether it's the seemingly callous hyperbole of Clarkson, the remorseless, analytical logic of Mitchell or the surreal absurdity of Brooker. Surely Letts of the famed incisive wit would bring similar amusement? Certainly his occasional appearances on TV gave me cause to believe so.
Unfortunately, I was disappointed. The genuine humour rarely shines through, buried as it is under a mound of vituperative venom. For someone who I am quite sure would sneer at the makeover industry, it's remarkable how Letts misses no opportunity to point a finger at the perceived physical shortcomings of his victims. And goodness help you if you happen to have a trace of a regional accent. Others might describe this as painting a vivid caricature; I found it just made me sympathise with many of those he turned his spotlight on, even those I myself have no love for. And it's quite an achievement to make me feel sorry for the likes of Janet Street-Porter.
But then perhaps it shouldn't be a surprise; in laying out his hatred for Topsy and Tim he explains how bullies should be allowed to teach their own victims to "discover the school of hard knocks". Yes, it's a harsh world that Letts misses. As the curtains of nostalgia part, I find I've been taken back to the Fifties when men were real men (who always voted for the Right kind of Tory), women knew their place, and all you needed for a comfortable life was a good education, the right accent, self-belief, commitment to hard work and a dollop or two of good luck. And, if possible, the right connections.
I don't walk around with a Panglossian sheen over my eyes as I look at the state of Britain today; there is much that I abhor, and a surprising number of things that I would change if I had a magic wand coincide with Letts' own pet hates. However, it's hard to read this book without concluding that Letts is the dictionary-definition reactionary who's never come across a change that isn't worth resisting.
Change even for the better, Mr Letts, rarely comes without hiccups. I, too, avoid Starbucks on the quite simple grounds that I hate the taste of its coffee but would I rather they'd never arrived in the country? Were you really so enamoured with what we had before? You might, for all I know, have been an habitué of Soho with its family-run Italian businesses where a decent espresso was available all hours of day or night, but most of us weren't. The rest of us belonged to a world where having a coffee out meant a cup of hot milk and water flavoured with a spoonful of instant-coffee granules of questionable origin and even more questionable quality. And I'm afraid that the sight of the proprietor's "low, swollen bust slowly melting the Bar Six biscuits arranged next to the push-down till" as she slowly smoked an "Embassy Number One" was never really much of a compensation to me. Thanks to Starbucks, everyone has had to raise his game; increasingly, independents are fighting back with good coffee, warm and individual atmospheres, and reasonable food; and I'd even take the chains rather than going back to the greasy spoons that you imbue with such a loving glow.
And do you really believe that forcing people to wear seatbelts was such a bad idea? And if Harold Wilson's penchant for cigars signified "a more selfish sense of purpose - a 'me me' spirit rather than the benevolent father of the nation", does the same apply to Churchill?
I could go on and on but I've already summed it up: it probably helps if you read the Mail or Telegraph.
It's a shame really because, when it comes down to it, Letts has a very readable style, quite compelling in its own way. And there's nothing wrong with disagreeing with the opinions of an author, as I said above - it's always good to step outside our comfort zones, to challenge ourselves by not simply reading those whose views reinforce our own. Indeed, that the book has been so provocative to me can only be regarded as a positive thing. In small doses, perhaps, it could be diverting.
Yet, after 277 pages, I feel somehow dirty, cheapened. I've been drenched in Letts' bile and I fear I may never quite clear the stench from my nose.