Who’s Your Real Mum?

by Bernadette Green, Anna Zobel (Illustrator)

‘Elvi, which one is your mum?’
‘They’re both my mums.’
‘But which one’s your real mum?’

When Nicholas wants to know which of Elvi’s two mums is her real mum, she gives him lots of clues. Her real mum is a circus performer, and a pirate, and she even teaches spiders the art of web.

But Nicholas still can’t work it out! Luckily, Elvi knows just how to explain it to her friend. . .

Genres: Picture Books, LGBT, Family, Childrens, Fiction, Queer

32 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2020

Reviews

[Hilary · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars A nice story about a little girl called Elvi whose friend Nicholas comes to play. Elvi has two mums and Nicholas keeps asking which one is her real mum. Elvi chooses to answer in increasingly inventive ways and we find out the inevitable answer, which is they both are.

Apart from the obvious benefit this story brings, which is showing children that Elvi has two loving same sex parents, it's a good opportunity to discuss that you don't have to be biologically related to a parent for them to be considered 'real', that perhaps Nicholas shouldn't have persisted with his line of questioning and should have considered Elvi's feelings about this.

[Scribe Publications]

This is an exceptional book. It promises kindness, humour and insight, and absolutely delivers … Who’s Your Real Mum? manages that rare combination of meaningful moral and pure narrative pleasure.
Anica Boulanger-Mashberg, Books+Publishing

A gorgeous story with an understanding and tender heart. There’s a lot of humour within, a nurturing of curiosity and absurdity but overall; it’s a story about family, and love – always love.
Alpha Reader

All mums will love this! ... [A]n endearing and fun book for all young readers and grown-ups who care for them.
Tegan Tigani, Queen Anne Book Company, Seattle, WA

[A]n empowering approach that shows a child who confidently has her own solution … [T]here’s still a time and a place for books that deal smartly with some of the questions that children in LGBTQ families may encounter. Who’s Your Real Mum? is one of them.
Mombian

[N]ot enough children’s books out there that represent these families … [A] great way to show children different kinds of families.
Youth Services Book Review

The limited colour palette is striking for its yellows, which are gender neutral and contrast with the imagined scenes in blues … Square panels and sequential scenes give a comics feel to the illustrations and correspond with the playful tone of Elvi’s responses to Nicholas’ questions. This Australian import may encourage kids with same-sex parents and could serve as a prompt for a creative writing exercise.
Booklist

This is a question I imagine many children with same sex parents receive. It must get old. Real old. The illustrations of this picture book show how much Elvi feels loved and supported in her family, and how, as Nicholas continues to just not get it, she resorts to her powerful imagination … [W]e highly recommend it!
Baby Librarians

This imaginative picture book affirmation of family centres brown-skinned Elvi, who has two mothers. When Elvi’s friend Nicholas asks which of her parents is the ‘real’ one … Elvi cleverly reframes the subject, defining her mother in ways every child can understand… Hatched and stippled textures in ink and marker … offer the illustrations a snug, soft feel.
Publishers Weekly

Elvi (a child of colour with light brown skin and straight, brown hair) has two mums (one of whom has darker skin and hair and one, lighter than Elvi). When Nicholas (who has light brown skin and curly hair) comes over to their house, he asks, ‘Elvi, which one is your real mum?’ Elvi’s initial, confident retort is: ‘They’re both my real mum.’ Elvi patiently offers similar responses as Nicholas persists, then starts to have a little fun … Ideally, readers who need this message will grasp it sooner than Nicholas does, though perhaps the book’s impact will have more power for those who read it as validation of their own experiences enduring microaggressions.
Kirkus

Elvi’s imagination guides her answer to a curious question about what is real.  Love is bigger than any answer she can give and her age appropriate answer is pedagogically perfect and developmentally spot on.
Jesica Sweedler DeHart, Librarian Review, Neill Public Library

Who’s Your Real Mum? is a beautifully illustrated and entertaining picture book story by the team of author/storyteller Bernadette Green and artist/illustrator Anna Zobel that celebrates nontraditional families and captures exactly what lies at the heart of family life — love.
Midwest Book Review

A sensitive story that encourages children to talk and think about a diverse range of family setups.
The School Reading List

[Jaimie Morris · Rating 4 out of 5]

A sensitive story that encourages children to talk and think about a diverse range of family setups. When Nicholas asks Evi which of her two mums is her real mum - she answers with a series of clues to the reader, an imaginative journey.

An ideal book to read and discuss with KS1 children and useful for PSHE lessons too.

[ALPHAreader · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such a gorgeous story with an understanding and tender heart. There’s a lot of humour within, a nurturing of curiosity and absurdity but overall; it’s a story about family, and love – always love. This book is an essential for any library, school, and personal picture-book collection and will be wonderful reading for all types of families – those for whom the question or variation of Who’s Your Real Mum? will be well-trod territory, and for those families who’d be more inclined to ask such questions. This is a book for everyone; it does that very rare thing of being both a conversation-starter and answerer for kids young (and old!).

Anna Zobel’s illustrations also feel timeless, and lend this book the feeling that it’s bound to be a beloved classic.

I’m so, so, SO in love with this book – it has brightened my days, and will be one I gift to many new families in my life.

[hinafuji]

Gay

[Jennie · Rating 1 out of 5]

The book focuses on a small family with two mothers and one child. The child's friend is insistent of finding out which mother is the 'real' (biological) mother, and the child claims that both are. The intent of the book is sound but for me it was didactic and the shift into fantastical explanations undermined the intent of presenting a same sex couple as normal. IT seemed a convoluted way to get to the resolution and the friend accepting the child has two mothers.
The illustrations are presented in varied layouts, some smaller frames for se1uencicng and action, some full page spreads, all are framed. Soft pastel illustrations in sepia, browns, oranges and yellows add a quietness to the book.

Shortlisted for the 2021 CBCA Book of the Year: Early Childhood award.

[Lisa's Book Corner · Rating 4 out of 5]

This story about a little girl who responds with increasingly outlandish answers to prying questions about her ‘real mother’ is humorously told, but will help kids understand that motherhood goes beyond biology.

[Kat Schrav · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely brilliant picture book celebrating having two mums.

[FM Family · Rating 4 out of 5]

Strange but great book about a kid who is getting pressed by her friend around which of her moms is the "real" mom and she comes up with a creative, kid-like, and effective way to respond. As a same sex family, this is a unique example of that sort of middle of the road representation. It's not like a "Heather Has Two Mommies" that's more introducing the concept of two moms, but it's not gone so far as to just have two moms and no commentary. It's very much About being from a two mom family but also about how unextraordinary that is and should be. I think it resonated with my 4.5 year old and will be a good resource for her to have if she starts getting these questions, should she decide to employ the more fantastic response Elvi uses at the start of the book or the more literal approach she comes to later. But also great for kids from non-queer families in terms of showing the line between curiosity and relentless, incessant questioning!

[Lee · Rating 3 out of 5]

Love this concept and the numerous ways to answer this inevitable question. For whatever reason I just couldn't 'get into' the picture or the words, but appreciate this book for its theme.

[Guilherme Semionato · Rating 3 out of 5]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPFSo...

White Ravens 2021

[Kristin Guay · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it! In this story, a young girl named Elvi has two moms. Her curious friend Nicholas is constantly asking her which mom is her real mom--and he is referring to the mother that “had you in her tummy”. By the answers Elvi provides, the reader can clearly see that she sees her situation very differently than Nicholas. Elvi’s answers start out very vague such as her real mother is wearing jeans, or she has dark hair, or she has a scar above her eye (which Nicholas cannot determine). Then her answers get a little more absurd--her mother can do a handstand on one finger, pull a car with her teeth, is a pirate in disguise, can talk to gorillas, and has a written language for whales. As even more crazy answers continue, the reader can see Nicholas getting more and more frustrated. In desperation he shouts “Just tell me who your real mom is.” Finally, Eliv gives in and provides him with the best answer of all. Her real mom holds her when she is scarred, tucks her into bed, and kisses her goodnight. Nicholas tells Elvi that he knows both her moms do that--and that is exactly the point. Both of her mothers are her REAL mom.

I loved this story on so many levels. It was nice to see a same-sex family because I feel there are still not enough children’s books out there that represent these families. I also liked that Elvi’s coming into the family was left ambiguous--did one of her mothers actually carry her in her womb or was Elvi adopted. Either way, it does not matter--they are a family. The accompanying illustrations add a humorous effect to the story. The crazy descriptions of her “real” mom are seen in the illustrations (crocheting hammocks for polar bears, cartwheeling up a mountain, or teaching spiders to make webs).

[Zoe · Rating 5 out of 5]

‘Who’s your real mum?’ By Bernadette Green and Anna Zobel is a wonderful book that embraces the complexities surrounding the definition of ‘family’. It perfectly captures a child’s innocent curiosity and also their remarkable imagination and storytelling ability. It is a very humourous and playful story that explores the topic of a non-traditional family. The book’s warm and inviting illustrations add to the playfulness of the story.
It's wonderful to see more books like this being published as they will greatly help children recognise the differences between distinct families and celebrate the uniqueness of each one. In addition to presenting a LGBTQ+ family, the ending is also quite ambiguous as to who the biological mother of Elvi is, as when Nicholas asks which mum “had you in her tummy”, which also implicitly brings reference to the various ways someone can become a mother (or father) through adoption, IVF or surrogacy. Families can come in a variety of different forms, but at the end of the day what is important is that the child is loved which is a wonderful moral for this adorable story.

[Ambrosia Blasier-McCollum · Rating 5 out of 5]

Which one is the real mother? It's a question usually asked in innocence, but one that causes grief for two-mom families.

This charming book explores what it really means to be a mother, as told through the imaginative eyes of a young girl named Elvi. When asked to identify her "real" mother, Elvi begins by pointing what both of her moms have in common, listing impossible facts about them, and finally by describing the way her mothers take care of her. "Don't both your moms do that?" Her friend Nicholas asks. "Exactly."

With charming illustrations of a diverse cast of characters, simple prose, and a message that comes across clearly without being preached, my daughter and I both found this book greatly enjoyable. We had fun deciding which of her mamas were more likely to do the impossible things, and I feel like she walked away a bit better suited to answer this question in her own life.

I received an advance review copy for free, and am leaving this review voluntarily.

[Reading Canuck · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a heart-warming and playful story about a young girl and her curious friend. It celebrates LGBTQ+ families and the main characters are those of colour. It’s a book about family and showcases how all families, regardless of composition, all have one thing in common: love.

💡Lesson Idea
When getting to know students and their families, include this read aloud to spark a discussion on how families are different/similar. Students can draw a family portrait and orally share or write about who is in their family, their roles/responsibilities, hobbies, etc. After practicing and if they feel comfortable, they can share it with the class/small group. Display the portraits in the room and have a conversation about the similarities and differences.

Thank you @pgcbooks for my copy, all opinions are my own.

To see more picture book lesson ideas, check out my Instagram page: readingcanuck

[Eileen · Rating 2 out of 5]

This might be exactly the kind of representation some readers are looking for, but I wasn't bowled over by it. In this picture book a child whose parents are a same-sex couple responds imaginatively to the persistent question from a peer about who is the 'real' mom. The way that the child describes all of the ways the parents show up for them is lovely, but there's still a part of me that thinks perhaps the answer should be straightforwardly, 'What a rude/flawed question. Here's why...' or 'Do you mean biological mom?' or some other factual response to the inquiry. I think this kind of sets the stage for the expectation that a child is going to fend off the question for life to spare the non-bio parent's feelings. What if the answer is, "That question would hurt X's feelings. I love her just like Y even though X didn't give birth to me so we don't focus on biology."

(read while waiting for a friend at Barclona FNAC)

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

*ARC generously provided by Edelweiss Plus*
This picture book tackles a question that many children of LGBTQ+ families face, of who their "real" parents are. While other pictures book answer that question directly throughout the story, this book meanders through the child's imagination first, depicting all the imaginary things her "real mom" can do before finally answering the question with a classic "my real mom holds me and tucks me in at night." Naturally, to child and reader alike, that means both moms. The blue color palette signifying the child's imagination is a great visual clue for the story, though the colors remain a bit muted. Overall, a nice take on the question of "real" parents.

[Paul Decker · Rating 5 out of 5]

*I received this book as an eARC from Scribble US via Edelweiss. I voluntarily read and reviewed an advanced copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.*

A curious kid asks a prying question about another kid with two moms. She responds with increasingly ridiculous answers. This book showcases a vivid imagination with great accompanying artwork. This is a fun, playful book that can relate to children's built-in curiosity. I'm sure this would be a great way for a kid to get their own prying question addressed. I give this book a 5/5.

[Alexander Fernandez · Rating 5 out of 5]

This review originally appeared on Mr. Alex's Bookshelf: https://mralexbookshelf.com/2020/05/2...

Which one is the real mother/father? A question often asked of samesex couples and their children when they are out in public. Sometimes the question is meant to provoke embarrassment; sometimes the question comes from curiosity; sometimes the question comes from fear. Regardless of how it arises, it’s a question the couple, and their child(ren) inevitably face. Green’s book, Who’s Your Real Mom, posits the question innocently between friends at a playdate. The answer, is not so complicated. How Elvi, our protagonist gets there, well, that’s the story.

Nicholas, filled with the curiosity of a child, needs to know. So he asks, “who’s your real mom?” Elvi, starts off innocently enough and lists common traits that both her mothers share. Not satisfied with her responses, Nicholas presses further.

Elvi, twinkle in her eye, begins to describe superhuman characteristics. Her mother, “can pull a car with her teeth, is “a pirate in disguise,”sort[s] out gorilla disputes,” etc. Nicholas, catching on, asks again; and, the book resolves, sweetly–as you would expect; with Nicholas coming to a realization (albeit with gentle prodding).

Green imbues Elvi with the experience of having answered this question many, many times. Green’s writing, however, imbues Elvi with much more. It provides Elvi with immeasurable charm and grace, allowing the character to negotiate the situation and still maintain a childlike innocence. And, for a moment, through the wonderful illustrations provided by Zobel, we get to experience Elvi’s imaginings, through a dose of magical realism. After all, Elvi does make up all those things about her moms. Doesn’t she?

There are other books that tackle this subject matter. I have yet to see a better one.

My thanks to Edelweiss and the Publisher for providing an Advance Copy of this book. The views expressed herein are my own.

[Sirah · Rating 4 out of 5]

A friend is convinced that a "real mom" can only be the one who was pregnant with her child at some point. Elvie giggles and begins poking at what it means for something to be "real" and redefines motherhood to include a woman who loves you and is always there for you.

I think this book needed a little more transition between Elvie giving silly clues and getting increasingly ridiculous in her definitions. But the concept is there, and this would be a fun book to discus with young people who are considering what it means to be a family.

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a darling book, and I think the kindergarten kids would like it. I just wish it didn't have the page where the child says her mom "speaks fluent gorilla. She regularly gets called to the zoo to sort out gorilla disputes", especially since both authors of the book are white, and one of the depicted moms is dark brown. With the history of Black people being depicted as monkeys, this page makes me feel uncomfortable.

[Rebecca R · Rating 5 out of 5]

Elvi has two mums but her friend Nicholas is confused, “Which one’s your real mum?” he asks her. Elvi gives Nicholas lots of exciting and imaginative clues (she “can clip a dragon’s toenails while she’s standing on her head and eating a bowl of spaghetti.”) until he realises what she’s telling him—they’re both her real mums.

'Who’s Your Real Mum' is a humorous and heartfelt story about love and the true meaning of family.

[Vicki · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such a cute story of a friend discovering who Elvi's "real" moms are. The artwork is adorable (see what are perhaps my favorite facial expressions in the whole book below) and the story is simple and heartfelt. I loved it! 💕

[Megan Sanks · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved how the whole plot is a boy repeatedly asking his friend, "Who's your real mom?" and the girl just messes with him by telling more and more outrageous stories after he won't accept that both of her moms are her real moms.

[Ashley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love this cute story of a child creating fantastical answers to the question, "but which one is your REAL mom?" Lovely ending with a focus on what really matters, getting the curious friend to accept the answer that they are both the real mom.

[Andréa]

Note: I accessed a digital review copy of this book through Edelweiss.

[Emily✨ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Funny and touching, with a wonderful message.

[Annese · Rating 5 out of 5]

Cute!

[Amelia Aaronson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Love this book! Very imaginative

[Robin Leach · Rating 5 out of 5]

Teaches sensitivity.