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Rage Against the Minivan: Learning to Parent Without Perfection
A smart, irreverent personal manifesto challenging the idea that there's a "right" way to raise kids, for anyone who has grown weary of the onslaught of expert advice and perfect Instagrams curated by influencer moms.
Filled with her signature blend of humor, vulnerability, and insight, Rage Against the Minivan is the handbook Kristen Howerton wishes she'd had when she was a new mom. At its heart, it is about parents learning how to love better by letting themselves off the hook.
With her hard-earned knowledge gained from having four kids in four years, she navigates the emotional and sometimes messy waters of motherhood: the expectations, the anxiety, the total lack of control, and yes, the indignities of driving a minivan (which now sits in her driveway covered in crushed Cheerios and the remnants of her self-esteem).
Howerton shares her unexpected journey through motherhood, from infertility to adoption to divorce, and how she learned to quell her inner anxiety to do it all perfectly. As a mom of both white and black children, Howerton is an advocate for social justice, foster care reform, and helping fellow parents to step up to hard conversations about race with their kids. Her writing speaks to the thorny issues parents deal with every day while reminding them they are not alone on this unpredictable ride.
Rage Against the Minivan serves as a quiet resistance against the superficial obsessions of motherhood, from the kind of car we drive to looking like we've got it all together. Infused with heart and humor, it's a permission slip to allow yourself to be a "good-enough" parent.
Filled with her signature blend of humor, vulnerability, and insight, Rage Against the Minivan is the handbook Kristen Howerton wishes she'd had when she was a new mom. At its heart, it is about parents learning how to love better by letting themselves off the hook.
With her hard-earned knowledge gained from having four kids in four years, she navigates the emotional and sometimes messy waters of motherhood: the expectations, the anxiety, the total lack of control, and yes, the indignities of driving a minivan (which now sits in her driveway covered in crushed Cheerios and the remnants of her self-esteem).
Howerton shares her unexpected journey through motherhood, from infertility to adoption to divorce, and how she learned to quell her inner anxiety to do it all perfectly. As a mom of both white and black children, Howerton is an advocate for social justice, foster care reform, and helping fellow parents to step up to hard conversations about race with their kids. Her writing speaks to the thorny issues parents deal with every day while reminding them they are not alone on this unpredictable ride.
Rage Against the Minivan serves as a quiet resistance against the superficial obsessions of motherhood, from the kind of car we drive to looking like we've got it all together. Infused with heart and humor, it's a permission slip to allow yourself to be a "good-enough" parent.
272 pages, Hardcover
First published June 9, 2020
101 people are currently reading
3528 people want to read
About the author
Kristen Howerton
3 books210 followersKRISTEN HOWERTON is an author as well as a licensed marriage and family therapist, and the mother of four children within four years via birth and adoption. She is the founder of the blog Rage Against the Minivan where, in the midst of writing about the raw emotions and experience of motherhood, she has become a fierce advocate for social justice. Kristen is the co-host of Selfie, a podcast dedicated to exploring the mind, body, and spirit aspects of self-care.
www.kristenhowerton.com
www.rageagainsttheminivan.com
www.kristenhowerton.com
www.rageagainsttheminivan.com
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 385 reviews
June 22, 2020
Kristen may sound like "one of those mommy bloggers" but give her a second - she is not one of those people who tries to present an idyllic life no human can live up to. Her stories of a broken marriage, infertility struggles, and adopting and birthing four children practically at once, are very human and casual. I laughed multiple times and I don't even have kids. I particularly liked the lists of things she has let go of and things she has held on to. The philosophy of "good enough" parenting seems refreshing!
I had a copy from the publisher through Edelweiss and it came out June 9, 2020.
I had a copy from the publisher through Edelweiss and it came out June 9, 2020.
May 28, 2020
This book is full of the stuff you need or needed to hear instead of the unsolicited advice from your mother in-law or the side eye from the lady at the park or a perfectly curated Instagram parenting post that makes you feel inferior. This is the solidarity and the truth and the encouragement we long for. These are the messages we should share with new moms, our friends, and take to heart for ourselves. We need this in a world where ....
Your kids were screaming in the grocery store and you wanted to put the tantruming child/ren in the cart and high tail it out of there, and they went “boneless” and floppy and you were sweating through your shirt, and that cute little old lady came up to you and said “Oh, I miss motherhood, isn’t it the best? Cherish every moment, it goes so fast"- and then she adds in a “but my kids never acted like that, I wouldn’t have tolerated it” ***It would have been much more helpful for her to have handed you this book, but she didn’t.
You might show up to a pinterest-perfect child’s birthday party that is serving a gluten free wheat grass birthday cake and there are homemade artisanal handwoven gift baskets for each child in a perfectly clean house, with no trace of a child even living there…and there you are with a stain on your vacation bible school t-shirt and one of your kids won’t eat the green cake and is yelling that he likes twinkees better and all the moms dressed in Gucci and Lululemon are giving you looks of horror. ***would have been more helpful for you to have stayed home and read this book, then sent it to wheat grass cake lady to read afterward. But you didn’t have this book yet... but you do now.
Kristen Howerton writes her own story here, her own motherhood journey from chasing motherhood and not getting there the way she planned to. To chasing perfection and never quite grasping it, but wiggling her way into a middle ground of more attainable peace. It is not a how to book, or check list of things you need to do to be a good parent, or yet another list of proverbs 31 qualities you fall short of. It is an invitation to weed out the extra, sift out the lies, and curate what is going to matter for you and your family. She writes also about adoption, infertility and miscarriage, race, divorce, and the topic of church speak. She will tell you stories that will make you laugh, make you nod your head in agreement, then bring you to tears, then have you shouting AMEN with your fist in the air…then probably crying again, and laughing again and crying while laughing. “Rage Against the Minivan” feels like an honest confession from a trusted friend, and you’ll gasp in relief and say me too… and wish you could hug her.
And you will likely call all your friends and tell them to read it, and start giving it out at baby showers, or maybe just toss it in the general direction of random parents of screaming toddlers in the supermarket and send them off with a Katniss salute.
Your kids were screaming in the grocery store and you wanted to put the tantruming child/ren in the cart and high tail it out of there, and they went “boneless” and floppy and you were sweating through your shirt, and that cute little old lady came up to you and said “Oh, I miss motherhood, isn’t it the best? Cherish every moment, it goes so fast"- and then she adds in a “but my kids never acted like that, I wouldn’t have tolerated it” ***It would have been much more helpful for her to have handed you this book, but she didn’t.
You might show up to a pinterest-perfect child’s birthday party that is serving a gluten free wheat grass birthday cake and there are homemade artisanal handwoven gift baskets for each child in a perfectly clean house, with no trace of a child even living there…and there you are with a stain on your vacation bible school t-shirt and one of your kids won’t eat the green cake and is yelling that he likes twinkees better and all the moms dressed in Gucci and Lululemon are giving you looks of horror. ***would have been more helpful for you to have stayed home and read this book, then sent it to wheat grass cake lady to read afterward. But you didn’t have this book yet... but you do now.
Kristen Howerton writes her own story here, her own motherhood journey from chasing motherhood and not getting there the way she planned to. To chasing perfection and never quite grasping it, but wiggling her way into a middle ground of more attainable peace. It is not a how to book, or check list of things you need to do to be a good parent, or yet another list of proverbs 31 qualities you fall short of. It is an invitation to weed out the extra, sift out the lies, and curate what is going to matter for you and your family. She writes also about adoption, infertility and miscarriage, race, divorce, and the topic of church speak. She will tell you stories that will make you laugh, make you nod your head in agreement, then bring you to tears, then have you shouting AMEN with your fist in the air…then probably crying again, and laughing again and crying while laughing. “Rage Against the Minivan” feels like an honest confession from a trusted friend, and you’ll gasp in relief and say me too… and wish you could hug her.
And you will likely call all your friends and tell them to read it, and start giving it out at baby showers, or maybe just toss it in the general direction of random parents of screaming toddlers in the supermarket and send them off with a Katniss salute.
June 16, 2020
This was far more delightful and interesting than I was expecting.
June 7, 2020
I love good, honest, parenting reads with a touch of humor. This fit the bill perfectly. At first I was afraid it might be too preachy since the author bio I read mentioned that she was raised in a Christian family , attended a Christian college and married a pastor...but it wasn't like that at all. Kristen Howerton was like a good friend I never knew I had. Her writing was humorous and conversational. She wasn't at all preachy, judgmental, or any of those words you might fear from a book that includes "Learning to Parent" in the subtitle. After all ,she IS the mom who started the #assholeparent hashtag...
Howerton DID marry a pastor but she divorced him when she realized the marriage wasn't working. This left her as a single mom with four kids that were all within 4 or 5 years of age of each other. I like her honestly and related to her statement that she is an introvert who likes to be social. (me!). I mean small talk is the WORST. I feel you, Kristen. Kristen ended up making her own virtual village by reaching out to acquaintances who shared her love of sarcasm and had similar values.
I also really liked that Howerton is way into social justice, in part driven by the fact that her two adopted kids are black. Her honesty about raising black kids as a white parent was refreshing. I love that she speaks out about this cause and dedicated a portion of her book to it.
I highly recommend this book to people looking for an honest, amusing read about raising kids in modern society. This book keeps it REAL. This is not a "be a pinterest mom" kind of book. You won't get any Bento Lunchbox tips here!
I received a review copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
Howerton DID marry a pastor but she divorced him when she realized the marriage wasn't working. This left her as a single mom with four kids that were all within 4 or 5 years of age of each other. I like her honestly and related to her statement that she is an introvert who likes to be social. (me!). I mean small talk is the WORST. I feel you, Kristen. Kristen ended up making her own virtual village by reaching out to acquaintances who shared her love of sarcasm and had similar values.
I also really liked that Howerton is way into social justice, in part driven by the fact that her two adopted kids are black. Her honesty about raising black kids as a white parent was refreshing. I love that she speaks out about this cause and dedicated a portion of her book to it.
I highly recommend this book to people looking for an honest, amusing read about raising kids in modern society. This book keeps it REAL. This is not a "be a pinterest mom" kind of book. You won't get any Bento Lunchbox tips here!
I received a review copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
June 25, 2021
Bravo, Kristen Howerton, bravo. I need a little dose of humor and sarcasm and truth and empathy in my parenting life today, and your book provided just the thing.
June 21, 2020
I loved this long-awaited book from my friend Kristen Howerton, a voice I’ve listened to for years about parenting, social justice, and friendship. Her book is smart, funny, and insightful and I didn’t want to put it down.
May 24, 2020
Thank you to the author and Netgalley for granting a copy of this book for review. The opinions are my own, honest thoughts.
I'm not much for a memoir. Unless you're 89 and you've screamed through life, I rarely care. On various occasions, I've come down from my high horse to read some memoirs that are particularly touching and are now some of my favorite reads-How We Fight For Our Lives by Saeed Jones, This Will Be My Undoing by Morgan Jerkins, I'm Telling the Truth But I'm Lying by Bassey Ikpi. Perhaps, I've discovered, I don't like just any ole memoir. Whether it's Tiffany Haddish or Michelle Obama, I want an interesting story, not a rundown of a life lived.
So, when I joined the launch team it was purely out of interest to see the book succeed, not particularly to read a memoir of a novel borne from a parenting blog. I am a confirmed Auntie; I love everyone else's children but I'm not going to raise my own.
When I say, then that this isn't a classic parenting book written to/for parents about parenting... that is the truth.
Kristen Howerton, the author, and I are quite alike. Growing up in the church and learning what the expectations are and trying to stay within the guidelines and be a good person spills over into every aspect of life. Be a good employee, a good partner, a good mom, a good pet owner, a good PTA President. The pressure! When things don't work out like they need to, the cracks in the porcelain facade begin to show. And when the cracks show, you start to see that we're all about the same.
The sigh of relief that I felt, to decide to just be okay was enormous. I am not perfect, I can't even really be good. I'm not a supermodel, I'm not an overachiever, I'm not the best at everything all the time. I don't have the energy and the interest in putting on the show anymore-- does it even matter? Nowadays? Nawl. Some of us aren't even changing out of pajamas.
So I'm a pretty okay person. And that's fine.
This book is about a pretty okay mom/person/church member/neighbor and her realization, over the course of a 20-year marriage and miscarriages and mistakes and errors and misgivings that it is OKAY to be OKAY. We don't have to be superheroes.
And it is OKAY to raise OKAY, imperfect, naturally kind, compassionate, and feeling people. To release those people into the world to let the other OKAY people know it's...okay to be just okay.
I'm not much for a memoir. Unless you're 89 and you've screamed through life, I rarely care. On various occasions, I've come down from my high horse to read some memoirs that are particularly touching and are now some of my favorite reads-How We Fight For Our Lives by Saeed Jones, This Will Be My Undoing by Morgan Jerkins, I'm Telling the Truth But I'm Lying by Bassey Ikpi. Perhaps, I've discovered, I don't like just any ole memoir. Whether it's Tiffany Haddish or Michelle Obama, I want an interesting story, not a rundown of a life lived.
So, when I joined the launch team it was purely out of interest to see the book succeed, not particularly to read a memoir of a novel borne from a parenting blog. I am a confirmed Auntie; I love everyone else's children but I'm not going to raise my own.
When I say, then that this isn't a classic parenting book written to/for parents about parenting... that is the truth.
Kristen Howerton, the author, and I are quite alike. Growing up in the church and learning what the expectations are and trying to stay within the guidelines and be a good person spills over into every aspect of life. Be a good employee, a good partner, a good mom, a good pet owner, a good PTA President. The pressure! When things don't work out like they need to, the cracks in the porcelain facade begin to show. And when the cracks show, you start to see that we're all about the same.
The sigh of relief that I felt, to decide to just be okay was enormous. I am not perfect, I can't even really be good. I'm not a supermodel, I'm not an overachiever, I'm not the best at everything all the time. I don't have the energy and the interest in putting on the show anymore-- does it even matter? Nowadays? Nawl. Some of us aren't even changing out of pajamas.
So I'm a pretty okay person. And that's fine.
This book is about a pretty okay mom/person/church member/neighbor and her realization, over the course of a 20-year marriage and miscarriages and mistakes and errors and misgivings that it is OKAY to be OKAY. We don't have to be superheroes.
And it is OKAY to raise OKAY, imperfect, naturally kind, compassionate, and feeling people. To release those people into the world to let the other OKAY people know it's...okay to be just okay.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 24, 2021
Huh.
This book had a good handful of what I would call “drop-the-mic” material, but ultimately the focus of her writing on child-rearing to the way she approached marriage/husbands was on battling “evangelical Christian culture” and what IT says, versus God and His Word. So in many ways, it comes across short... a question of “How do I make peace with my decisions and what Christian culture might expect of me?” more than “How do I make decisions and parent/wife based off what I know is true of God and who He is?”
I understand this perspective. I believe it’s an all too common one. But I think it also so severely misses the mark of what we SHOULD be focusing on, which usually comes to us less naturally than what we gravitate toward focusing on. All of the arguments for “letting go” of expectations and such is approached from a lateral, circumstantial perspective rather than from a vertical one. This is why, despite my massive appreciation for her candor and ability to effectively communicate her feelings, I only gave this three stars.
This book had a good handful of what I would call “drop-the-mic” material, but ultimately the focus of her writing on child-rearing to the way she approached marriage/husbands was on battling “evangelical Christian culture” and what IT says, versus God and His Word. So in many ways, it comes across short... a question of “How do I make peace with my decisions and what Christian culture might expect of me?” more than “How do I make decisions and parent/wife based off what I know is true of God and who He is?”
I understand this perspective. I believe it’s an all too common one. But I think it also so severely misses the mark of what we SHOULD be focusing on, which usually comes to us less naturally than what we gravitate toward focusing on. All of the arguments for “letting go” of expectations and such is approached from a lateral, circumstantial perspective rather than from a vertical one. This is why, despite my massive appreciation for her candor and ability to effectively communicate her feelings, I only gave this three stars.
June 10, 2020
With her signature wit, intelligent sarcasm (never at the expense of others), and vulnerability, Kristen takes you on a journey of parenting in marriage and through divorce, a string of traumatic events, and a lot of everyday life with four kids - two of them trans-racially adopted.
As an OG "mommy blogger", living her life out loud through the advent of social media, Kristen often felt the pressure of the culture's expectation that she be able to have and do "it all" (and perfectly). Rage Against the Minivan's overall theme is how Kristen came to embrace “good-enough” parenting in order to not only maintain her sanity but to raise kind, compassionate, and responsible humans.
If you’re a parent who’s ever considered what it would take to get off the family hamster wheel, consider this book your permission slip.
As an OG "mommy blogger", living her life out loud through the advent of social media, Kristen often felt the pressure of the culture's expectation that she be able to have and do "it all" (and perfectly). Rage Against the Minivan's overall theme is how Kristen came to embrace “good-enough” parenting in order to not only maintain her sanity but to raise kind, compassionate, and responsible humans.
If you’re a parent who’s ever considered what it would take to get off the family hamster wheel, consider this book your permission slip.
June 19, 2020
I found Kristen Howerton from her interview with Terry Gross yesterday on Fresh Air. I'm not the typical audience for a book like this (read: I'm not a woman, white, or a parent), but the combination of race, adoption, and religion interested me. I endured the mommy-blogger "parenting is harder than I thought" earlier subjects to tune into those deeper topics that would come later. Similar to the Fresh Air interview I found her perspective on race great in some ways, weaker in others, and included a number of details on adoption I had yet to consider. I enjoyed most the decoding of Christian codespeak and her experience leaving the church as she learned her more liberal views differ than her conservative religious institution. Overall, great subjects for discussion and another useful memoir to read as I work on my own. Glad I stumbled on her interview.
January 25, 2020
I received an ARC from NetGalley in exchange for my honest review.
I started following Kristen's blog several years ago and this book was a wonderful reminder of why. I flew through this easy read and loved getting what felt like a "behind-the-scenes" look at her cast of characters I met through her writing. I love her parenting philosophies and what she learned through miscarriages and adoption struggles. She's incredibly relatable and I hope one day to have the relationship with my young children that she has with her school-aged ones.
I started following Kristen's blog several years ago and this book was a wonderful reminder of why. I flew through this easy read and loved getting what felt like a "behind-the-scenes" look at her cast of characters I met through her writing. I love her parenting philosophies and what she learned through miscarriages and adoption struggles. She's incredibly relatable and I hope one day to have the relationship with my young children that she has with her school-aged ones.
August 30, 2020
*Know before you read this book that there are large portions discussing the author's experiences with miscarriage and infertility.*
Rage against the minivan you say? Picked this up because hell no I'm not gonna be "that mom." Turns out, in a lot of little ways, I am. Reading this helped me realize all the ways, even subconsciously, I've been striving for perfection in parenting. Holding myself to this standard that nobody put on me but myself, along with the influence of millions of strangers on social media all around the world. Parenting looks different these days. Being a perfect mom is unattainable. But being a "good enough" mom is okay too. I got a lot out of this book, but don't misunderstand the subtitle. This is not a self-help book, but more of a memoir/self-reflection on the author's specific experiences with miscarriage, infertility, adoption, parenting as a white parent of adoptive black children, a Christian struggling with her faith, dealing with marriage problems, divorce, single parenting...there is so much more in here than I was expecting.
Rage against the minivan you say? Picked this up because hell no I'm not gonna be "that mom." Turns out, in a lot of little ways, I am. Reading this helped me realize all the ways, even subconsciously, I've been striving for perfection in parenting. Holding myself to this standard that nobody put on me but myself, along with the influence of millions of strangers on social media all around the world. Parenting looks different these days. Being a perfect mom is unattainable. But being a "good enough" mom is okay too. I got a lot out of this book, but don't misunderstand the subtitle. This is not a self-help book, but more of a memoir/self-reflection on the author's specific experiences with miscarriage, infertility, adoption, parenting as a white parent of adoptive black children, a Christian struggling with her faith, dealing with marriage problems, divorce, single parenting...there is so much more in here than I was expecting.
December 18, 2021
I enjoyed this because she tackles so much of my own personal journey: infertility, adoption, Christian upbringing and struggles with motherhood. I related to a lot and felt like she gave some solid encouragement to let things go and not get hung up on things that don’t matter.
She falls into the same vein as Rachel Hollis, Jen Hatmaker and Melanie Dale. Funny, sarcastic, progressive, full of love and feist, and willing to be a little more edgy. I don’t know if I fall into that category but apparently I love reading those who do!! Haha. I feel like I need more Jesus though than these women specifically focus on in their writing. So I think it’s just a balance of all things and taking the good stuff with me. This book had a lot of good stuff!
She falls into the same vein as Rachel Hollis, Jen Hatmaker and Melanie Dale. Funny, sarcastic, progressive, full of love and feist, and willing to be a little more edgy. I don’t know if I fall into that category but apparently I love reading those who do!! Haha. I feel like I need more Jesus though than these women specifically focus on in their writing. So I think it’s just a balance of all things and taking the good stuff with me. This book had a lot of good stuff!
March 20, 2021
It felt like reading her blog or a bunch of Facebook posts. Part of it made me laugh out loud. It did a good job of reminding me that I’m not alone in motherhood. It’s fun to hear other people’s stories and their journey of motherhood - it’s like meeting in a mom group and listening to them talk. I liked it. It made me miss in person mom groups.
November 6, 2020
Great, light book. I appreciated Howertons straight honest look at her parenting.
I was especially keen on her talk about "husband privilege." Super convicting advice to us husbands!
I was especially keen on her talk about "husband privilege." Super convicting advice to us husbands!
March 20, 2021
I loved every single page of this book— it was like it was written just for me. I laughed and cried and felt very seen and “normal”. Loved it.
November 28, 2021
Good memoir about her life. I read her blog years ago so it was nice to have some background before reading this.
March 7, 2020
Kristen Howerton's first book is every bit as good as you'd expect if you've been following her blog and podcast. While reading this searingly honest account of her life travels through Motherhood and Childhood, Adoption and Childbirth, Marriage and Divorce, Racism and Cultural Tolerance, even mainstream Christianity and its secret language known as "Christianese," I veered between laughing hysterically and weeping with her, and more than once I laughed until I cried. I can't help but think it would be an awful lot of fun to live next door to her family.
May 25, 2020
I've been reading Kristen's blog for years and jumped at the chance to be an early reader and a part of her launch team but I honestly loved the book even more than I expected to! As a Marital and Family Therapist with specialized training in perinatal mood disorders, I spend a lot of time with new Moms and Dads, with women who are trying to get pregnant, with women who have experienced loss of pregnancies and loss of infants, and women who are trying to figure out who they are now that they've taken on this new role, "Mother". More than half of the battle to helping parents to be confident in their parenting is recognizing how very hard we are on ourselves and to what degree we have been sold a bill of goods that our parenting must be perfect or we clearly do not love our children. I believe that myth has caused a lot of pain and "Rage Against the Minivan" is an excellent antidote to that pain. It reads like a very funny memoir, not a how to book and you end up feeling like Kristen is that Mom friend who is just one stage ahead of you and who remembers so clearly all the poop and tantrums of toddlers and can also show total solidarity for the emotional roller coaster that is raising teens. Some of the final lines of the book, "I didn't write this book to tell you about one woman's life, or one family's story. I wrote it because even now, after so many decades of progress, motherhood gets bubble-wrapped in myth and shrouded in platitudes. Those myths and platitudes leave too many moms feeling isolated, worn out and convinced there is something wrong with them." Preach. I will be recommending this book to friends and clients alike because it is past time for some solidarity among all of us non-perfect Moms out here. If you are struggling to find that solidarity in your own life, let this book be a gateway for you - find out who else in your acquaintance group read it and loved it and you just might find your people!
June 9, 2020
Coming back to write my review. I needed time to process this one -- with parenting books of this nature, I often like to see how much from the book I recall and/or put into practice. Some of the books that I've enjoyed, don't stick. Others, I find myself coming back to and using tips/implementing things, etc, way more than I thought I would!
For me, the latter is the case with Kristen's book. Let me back up a little and give a disclaimer/background. I know Kristen -- and love her -- and we have a lot of similarities (yay Enneagram 3, broadway forever, foster care advocate) and we are very different in some ways too.
The book. I loved how easily this book goes down. It's a very quick read, and it's fun and sarcastic. Very sarcastic ;) Which was fun and made me laugh, there were also a few times that I felt my glass half full was colliding with paragraphs of complaints. This is really why my review is 4 stars not 5. Motherhood is hard and kids are hard -- but the complaining (even in jest) just got to be a little much for me. I find that if I go there, it impacts so much in my life. I also don't have teens, so ask me again in a few years ;) I may read and yell AMEN through the paragraphs that caused me a little :/ The other reason for the 1 star drop are the chapter endings are usually a "tweetable quote" - and some just felt a little cheesy for me. I also don't give out 5 stars easily, people.
Now here is where Kristen gives gold: okay is great. Okay is awesome. Be okay with okay. I love Kristen's laidback way of intentional but also hands-off parenting. Being present, being there -- and in the same breath, stepping back and letting her kids sit in discomfort, sit in the decisions/choices they've made, learn how to do things themselves. Even before this book, I found myself using various suggestions she'd randomly share. No bedtime if the kids are reading? we do that because of Kristen. And my oldest is known to read HP novels in a day -- and stay up way too late in the process, but eh. C'est la vie.
My favorite suggestion from this book is the Circle of Trust. I am so thankful for the way my kids communicate and talk with me, but I also know it'll probably change. Hearing the real impact of how this circle of trust has opened doors of communication for the kids was powerful. Still navigating my kids' ages and how this rolls out, but I definitely plan on using.
Kristen is raw and real in this book -- even down to her divorce. She shares from the heart throughout, and she will have you laughing and even tearing up perhaps at moments. A fun summer read -- and fun quarantine read to let you know you are not alone in the messiness, overwhelmingness, nuttiness, everythingness of parenting. :)
For me, the latter is the case with Kristen's book. Let me back up a little and give a disclaimer/background. I know Kristen -- and love her -- and we have a lot of similarities (yay Enneagram 3, broadway forever, foster care advocate) and we are very different in some ways too.
The book. I loved how easily this book goes down. It's a very quick read, and it's fun and sarcastic. Very sarcastic ;) Which was fun and made me laugh, there were also a few times that I felt my glass half full was colliding with paragraphs of complaints. This is really why my review is 4 stars not 5. Motherhood is hard and kids are hard -- but the complaining (even in jest) just got to be a little much for me. I find that if I go there, it impacts so much in my life. I also don't have teens, so ask me again in a few years ;) I may read and yell AMEN through the paragraphs that caused me a little :/ The other reason for the 1 star drop are the chapter endings are usually a "tweetable quote" - and some just felt a little cheesy for me. I also don't give out 5 stars easily, people.
Now here is where Kristen gives gold: okay is great. Okay is awesome. Be okay with okay. I love Kristen's laidback way of intentional but also hands-off parenting. Being present, being there -- and in the same breath, stepping back and letting her kids sit in discomfort, sit in the decisions/choices they've made, learn how to do things themselves. Even before this book, I found myself using various suggestions she'd randomly share. No bedtime if the kids are reading? we do that because of Kristen. And my oldest is known to read HP novels in a day -- and stay up way too late in the process, but eh. C'est la vie.
My favorite suggestion from this book is the Circle of Trust. I am so thankful for the way my kids communicate and talk with me, but I also know it'll probably change. Hearing the real impact of how this circle of trust has opened doors of communication for the kids was powerful. Still navigating my kids' ages and how this rolls out, but I definitely plan on using.
Kristen is raw and real in this book -- even down to her divorce. She shares from the heart throughout, and she will have you laughing and even tearing up perhaps at moments. A fun summer read -- and fun quarantine read to let you know you are not alone in the messiness, overwhelmingness, nuttiness, everythingness of parenting. :)
June 3, 2020
One of a small cadre of men on the book launch team. I loved the book.
I don’t think that I fall into Kristen’s target audience. I’m a middle aged, white, single guy with no kids of my own. I first became aware of her and her Rage Against the Minivan blog about 5 years ago. I don’t recall the exact piece of social content that caught my eye, but it had to be something about her unique blended family. I may not “have” kids, but as a 30 year public school coach and teacher I have many of what I call my “By Choice Sons” and most of them are black or multi-racial. So Kristen’s experience raising 2 black boys in a white American family was what initially attracted me. It was her no-holds-barred perspective and snarky sense of humor that kept me coming back.
In her book, also entitled Rage Against the Minivan, she brings all of that by the van load. She has terrific insights into the adoptive process in general and especially navigating the treacherous waters of raising black sons in this society. And she does so in ways that are both moving and humorous. By far the most emotional topic Kristen explores with gut wrenching honesty is infertility and miscarriages. In one chapter I was sobbing at her account of her first miscarriage and in the next, laughing hysterically at her story of bringing her eldest two kids to the beach. Throughout, there are plenty of moments of pain and more of laugh out loud humor.
Raising kids isn’t easy. In sharing her own struggles, Kristen pulls back the curtain on the rosy veneer of the social media super moms. Her honesty is her greatest gift. I think parents will chuckle with recognition and sigh with relief as they read Rage Against the Minivan. With love and honesty, Kristen shows the way to successful parenting in this modern world. And that’s pretty much the secret sauce, love and honesty. Now, how to get the secret sauce stains off the seats of the minivan.
I don’t think that I fall into Kristen’s target audience. I’m a middle aged, white, single guy with no kids of my own. I first became aware of her and her Rage Against the Minivan blog about 5 years ago. I don’t recall the exact piece of social content that caught my eye, but it had to be something about her unique blended family. I may not “have” kids, but as a 30 year public school coach and teacher I have many of what I call my “By Choice Sons” and most of them are black or multi-racial. So Kristen’s experience raising 2 black boys in a white American family was what initially attracted me. It was her no-holds-barred perspective and snarky sense of humor that kept me coming back.
In her book, also entitled Rage Against the Minivan, she brings all of that by the van load. She has terrific insights into the adoptive process in general and especially navigating the treacherous waters of raising black sons in this society. And she does so in ways that are both moving and humorous. By far the most emotional topic Kristen explores with gut wrenching honesty is infertility and miscarriages. In one chapter I was sobbing at her account of her first miscarriage and in the next, laughing hysterically at her story of bringing her eldest two kids to the beach. Throughout, there are plenty of moments of pain and more of laugh out loud humor.
Raising kids isn’t easy. In sharing her own struggles, Kristen pulls back the curtain on the rosy veneer of the social media super moms. Her honesty is her greatest gift. I think parents will chuckle with recognition and sigh with relief as they read Rage Against the Minivan. With love and honesty, Kristen shows the way to successful parenting in this modern world. And that’s pretty much the secret sauce, love and honesty. Now, how to get the secret sauce stains off the seats of the minivan.
May 24, 2020
This book is excellent. I found myself laughing, crying, learning, and saying "amen, sister!" at various points throughout. I feel like Kristen would be justified in telling us how to "mom" given that she's raising four kids and in light of her professional experience as a marriage and family therapist. I'm sure people have claimed expertise with far fewer qualifications. But that's not what she does - she relays her experiences in a way that is helpful and relatable but gives us all permission to do things our own way. I think she also hits the sweet spot where people who "know" her via her blog and people who have never encountered her before can enjoy the book equally (I am in the former category, as I've followed her online for many years - still, there was plenty in this book that was new to me).
There's so much in Kristen's story that must have been immensely painful to go through, but she finds a way to share hard experiences in a way that is authentic and funny. She is refreshingly candid about her own mistakes, thoughts, and feelings. I appreciate her honesty.
It's a relatively quick read and the chapters are broken up topically so that you could put it down and come back later (good luck with that, though).
I received an advance copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
There's so much in Kristen's story that must have been immensely painful to go through, but she finds a way to share hard experiences in a way that is authentic and funny. She is refreshingly candid about her own mistakes, thoughts, and feelings. I appreciate her honesty.
It's a relatively quick read and the chapters are broken up topically so that you could put it down and come back later (good luck with that, though).
I received an advance copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
June 10, 2020
One thing I love about Kristen and her blog and social media presence is that she is incredibly relatable. This collection of essays is an honest peek into her life and simultaneously relevant to the universal experience of parenting. I admire that Kristen strives to respect the privacy of her children and is clear to express that she's telling her story through her own lens. This book hits on some tough subjects--crisis of faith, infertility, divorce, white privilege, anxiety--but they don't feel insurmountable through Kristen's perspective. In fact, this book made me feel a little less alone in the challenges I face as a parent, validated in my decisions to often "opt out," and challenged to do and be a little better (without the urge to be the very best!). Some of these essays are heartbreaking, some are hilarious, and some hit a little too close to home, but that's always where the good stuff is.
January 2, 2025
4:2025
There are few if any semi-famous public figures that I can relate to more than Kristen Howerton. I stumbled across her blog and instantly was smitten, and was delighted to find out a few weeks ago that she had written a book. This was a delightful listen even if it fed my echo chamber real hard. From church to child rearing...everyone helps, I'm not just your mom, and could we all please CTFD about making every freaking holiday magical, this book was like a dose of her blog with added steroids. While I may not do everything the same way she does, I don't think there's a single thing in there that I don't either totally agree with or it at least fits my vibe. It's a super fast read, and while it doesn't shy away from heavier topics, it doesn't get bogged down. Definitely recommend.
There are few if any semi-famous public figures that I can relate to more than Kristen Howerton. I stumbled across her blog and instantly was smitten, and was delighted to find out a few weeks ago that she had written a book. This was a delightful listen even if it fed my echo chamber real hard. From church to child rearing...everyone helps, I'm not just your mom, and could we all please CTFD about making every freaking holiday magical, this book was like a dose of her blog with added steroids. While I may not do everything the same way she does, I don't think there's a single thing in there that I don't either totally agree with or it at least fits my vibe. It's a super fast read, and while it doesn't shy away from heavier topics, it doesn't get bogged down. Definitely recommend.
June 9, 2020
I've followed Kristen on her blog and social media for a few years and fell in love with her sarcastic sense of humor. As much as the stories in this book are hers, I feel that many of us could see ourselves in the stories. Who amongst us doesn't have a story involving poop flecks in our hair. Kristen is honest and truthful. And tells us what we need to hear, even if we don't want to hear it. I can't wait to share it with my friends who question the church, who have adopted kids of another race, women who have felt the weariness of dad privilege, the person who is a worst case scenario worrier. Rage Against the Minivan has something for everyone must mostly it has love. Love for ourselves, our children, and others. Thank you Kristen for such a wonderful book!!!
May 16, 2020
Kristen Howerton's blog is a mom favorite for a reason. She has found her voice and it is as strong and brave and vulnerable as it is funny and snarky and engaging. Her first book, Rage Against the Minivan is all you would expect and more. The chapters are blog-esque, they are short and easy enough to read that even the busiest of moms will be able to get through this book swiftly.
There were chapters that tackled deep topics like miscarriage, adoption, gender norms, racism, divorce and even attachment injury. There were also lighter chapters in which she discussed her parenting wins, her parenting fails and her philosophy with managing the hardest seasons.
She has adeptly woven a memoir and her thoughts on parenting in a way that honors her loved ones and their right to tell their own stories while owning her experiences and sharing them beautifully. This is the parenting book that every parent needs and adoptive parents have been waiting for. She addresses the hardest experiences adoptive parents walk through in a way that no one else has. It is funny, sad, thought-provoking, encouraging AND most importantly relatable. There were a few stories that had me laughing to the point of crying.
While reading this I was highlighting quotes to share in all my mom groups. I sent the link to pre-order to many of my friends and I will be ordering copies to add to baby shower gifts throughout the year.
Kristen, this book might not have been easy to write but you've made it look easy. There are going to be a lot of women who find their voice, their freedom to parent in their own way and their community because of the work you've done here!
My only complaint about this book is that Kristen is not my friend in real life. However I will not take away a star for that.
I received an ARC copy of this book from the publisher via Netgalley. This is my honest Review.
There were chapters that tackled deep topics like miscarriage, adoption, gender norms, racism, divorce and even attachment injury. There were also lighter chapters in which she discussed her parenting wins, her parenting fails and her philosophy with managing the hardest seasons.
She has adeptly woven a memoir and her thoughts on parenting in a way that honors her loved ones and their right to tell their own stories while owning her experiences and sharing them beautifully. This is the parenting book that every parent needs and adoptive parents have been waiting for. She addresses the hardest experiences adoptive parents walk through in a way that no one else has. It is funny, sad, thought-provoking, encouraging AND most importantly relatable. There were a few stories that had me laughing to the point of crying.
While reading this I was highlighting quotes to share in all my mom groups. I sent the link to pre-order to many of my friends and I will be ordering copies to add to baby shower gifts throughout the year.
Kristen, this book might not have been easy to write but you've made it look easy. There are going to be a lot of women who find their voice, their freedom to parent in their own way and their community because of the work you've done here!
My only complaint about this book is that Kristen is not my friend in real life. However I will not take away a star for that.
I received an ARC copy of this book from the publisher via Netgalley. This is my honest Review.
June 9, 2020
If you follow Rage against the Minivan, then you know that Kristen puts herself out there. Her book is no different. I can't think of a single person in my life who would not be able to read this book and not be able to answer me too! I find very few authors who are so real, so authentic in their journeys. If you want to find a voice that seems to know what has gone through our own mind or to find a friend who knows what it feels like, then let Kristen walk beside you. While it seems cliche you will both laugh and cry but most importantly you'll find the strength to embrace the parent you are.
June 10, 2020
I was lucky enough to get a sneak peek at the Rage Against the Minivan book by Kristen Howerton. I've been a long-time reader of her blog and if you love it like I do, you will adore this book! As an introvert, I felt understood, which I am HUGELY thankful for. I appreciated her advice that ranges on finding your people, to parenting, to navigating ups and downs of life in general. Plus, she totally rips away the curtain on religion (Christianity) which I appreciate because as a kid, I too didn't understand why they built such big churches, but lacked in community outreach. Thank you, Kristen, for you candor and honesty! It was a lovely ride that I didn't want to end.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 12, 2020
I have followed the Rage Against The Minivan blog for many years now and have always felt that Kristin and I would be friends in real life. I bet a lot of us readers feel that way! I loved this book because it’s Kristins voice, it’s her writing style that feels like she’s talking to you over coffee. I loved hearing each kiddos story, in a new way. I am fully here for taking the holidays down a notch, as she advocates. I love her posture of being the worlds “okayest” mom. This book has so many relatable mom moments that I laughed out loud at, and I especially appreciate her vulnerability about dealing with anxiety. I loved this book and couldn’t put it down, the chapters are concise and it’s so easy to just keep reading! Well done Kristin Howerton! Loved it!
May 24, 2020
Rage Against the Minivan is a funny, zippy read on motherhood in the Instagram era, but also a raw and honest look at miscarriage, divorce. This book had me laughing, and crying.
This is a must-read for parents, more a memoir than an instruction manual, but I guarantee you will leave the book inspired. You don't have to be a parent to enjoy - I've read Kristen's blog for 10 years, long before I had my first kid.
Kristen is who I want to be when I grow up - I'm going to parent my 4 year old and 5 month old a little better today.
This is a must-read for parents, more a memoir than an instruction manual, but I guarantee you will leave the book inspired. You don't have to be a parent to enjoy - I've read Kristen's blog for 10 years, long before I had my first kid.
Kristen is who I want to be when I grow up - I'm going to parent my 4 year old and 5 month old a little better today.
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