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Dead Mom Walking: A Memoir of Miracle Cures and Other Disasters
NATIONAL BESTSELLER
"A comedy for catastrophic times." --CBC
"A hilarious memoir of effervescent misadventures." --Toronto Star
"How am I laughing at someone's mother's cancer? How? We think we can't laugh about death, about cancer, about our mothers and their suffering . . . and we can't, but we can. And there's so much relief in that." --Carolyn Taylor, BARONESS VON SKETCH SHOW
A traumedy about life and death (and every cosmic joke in between)
When her mother is diagnosed with cancer, Rachel Matlow is concerned but hopeful. It's Stage 1, so her mom will get surgery and everything will go back to normal. But growing up in Rachel's family, there was no normal. Elaine, an alternative school teacher and self-help junkie, was never a capital M "Mommy"--she spent more time meditating than packing lunches--and Rachel, who played hockey with the boys and refused to ever wear a dress, was no ordinary daughter.
When Elaine decides to forgo conventional treatment and heal herself naturally, Rachel is forced to ponder whether the very things that made her mom so special--her independent spirit, her belief in being the author of her own story--are what will ultimately kill her. As the cancer progresses, so does Elaine's conviction in doing things her way. She assembles a dream team of alternative healers, gulps down herbal tinctures with every meal, and talks (with respect) to her cancer cells. Anxious and confused, Rachel is torn between indulging her pie-in-the-sky pursuits (ayahuasca and all) and pleading with the person who's taking her mother away.
With irreverence and honesty--and a little help from Elaine's journals and self-published dating guide, plus hours of conversations recorded in her dying days--Matlow brings her inimitable mother to life on the page. Dead Mom Walking is the hilarious and heartfelt story of what happens when two people who've always written their own script go head to head with each other, and with life's least forgiving plot device.
"A comedy for catastrophic times." --CBC
"A hilarious memoir of effervescent misadventures." --Toronto Star
"How am I laughing at someone's mother's cancer? How? We think we can't laugh about death, about cancer, about our mothers and their suffering . . . and we can't, but we can. And there's so much relief in that." --Carolyn Taylor, BARONESS VON SKETCH SHOW
A traumedy about life and death (and every cosmic joke in between)
When her mother is diagnosed with cancer, Rachel Matlow is concerned but hopeful. It's Stage 1, so her mom will get surgery and everything will go back to normal. But growing up in Rachel's family, there was no normal. Elaine, an alternative school teacher and self-help junkie, was never a capital M "Mommy"--she spent more time meditating than packing lunches--and Rachel, who played hockey with the boys and refused to ever wear a dress, was no ordinary daughter.
When Elaine decides to forgo conventional treatment and heal herself naturally, Rachel is forced to ponder whether the very things that made her mom so special--her independent spirit, her belief in being the author of her own story--are what will ultimately kill her. As the cancer progresses, so does Elaine's conviction in doing things her way. She assembles a dream team of alternative healers, gulps down herbal tinctures with every meal, and talks (with respect) to her cancer cells. Anxious and confused, Rachel is torn between indulging her pie-in-the-sky pursuits (ayahuasca and all) and pleading with the person who's taking her mother away.
With irreverence and honesty--and a little help from Elaine's journals and self-published dating guide, plus hours of conversations recorded in her dying days--Matlow brings her inimitable mother to life on the page. Dead Mom Walking is the hilarious and heartfelt story of what happens when two people who've always written their own script go head to head with each other, and with life's least forgiving plot device.
320 pages, Paperback
Published March 31, 2020
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 97 reviews
September 18, 2020
Q:
Mom was a badass Buddhist. (c)
Okay, the parenting style described here was half-atrocious and half-lovely. What can I say, after having experienced the 2nd part of it myself: it feels good and gets the kid to become a really well-rounded grown up :)
Q:
“When I was younger, I dated men like my father. Now that I’m older I date men like my daughter.” (c) Not sure many daughters would want to hear THAT.
Q:
“I recommend you get surgery as soon as possible.”
“But…I’ve already bought a ticket to Lima!” Mom protested. “Machu Picchu is on my bucket list.”
Teddy and I looked at each other, aghast. How about putting NOT DIE on your list of things to do before you die? (c)
Q:
Growing up, I knew that if Mom was lying upside down, I was not to disturb her. (c)
Q:
I remember in senior kindergarten coming home and announcing that I needed a Halloween costume for school the next day. After a few minutes of scrounging, Mom’s face lit up with an idea. “You’ll be garbage!” she proclaimed. She got a black garbage bag from under the kitchen sink, threw it over my five-year-old body, and used her hands to tear holes for my arms and head. It was her next move that was really inspired, though. She started fishing through the actual garbage bin for dry pieces of authentic trash that we then threaded together with string before festooning me from top to bottom. As a Jewish kid, it was as close as I ever got to trimming a Christmas tree. (c) Argh.
Q:
Mom treated me like a mini adult. When I wasn’t in school, I could do whatever I wanted with my time. (c) This, actually, is the best approach ever.
Q:
Once when I was sick and she didn’t offer to bring me anything, I admonished her: “When other kids are sick, their moms bring them orange juice!” (“You don’t want one of those other moms,” she’d snap back. “I’m more fun!”) (c)
Q:
She admitted that if it had been Josh knocking over other boys, she would’ve been horrified. But her little girl being called a “goon”? She couldn’t have been more pleased. (c)
Q:
I remember Mom teaching me the word “assertive,” although I didn’t need lessons in how to embody it. Mom recalled how, when I was three years old, she tried to scare me into submission. “I’m counting to three!” she warned. “One…two…three…” Apparently I just stood there, unimpressed. “What are you going to do?” I asked. Mom laughed and gave up after that. “I learned I had to go at things slant with you,” she explained years later. “I couldn’t go head to head. You’d win.” (c)
Q:
When I was eight, I decided to switch schools. I was bored … (c)
Q:
When I was really upset with Mom or Teddy, I had to find creative ways of getting their attention. On one occasion when I was about seven, angry about who knows what, I took a pad of paper and wrote “Fuck” on every single sheet. Then, while Mom and Teddy were out, I went around the house taping up my expletive art—on the walls and furniture, inside drawers and cupboards. There must have been a hundred sheets. I didn’t want to be cruel—I considerately used masking tape so as not to peel paint off the walls—but I did want to get my message across. They’ll see how mad I am, I thought. They’d open the front door and be greeted with “Fuck.” They’d walk into the hallway and see “Fuck.” They’d open the fridge, “Fuck” again.
I didn’t get the response I was imagining when they came home. I sat at the top of the stairs and watched as they stopped in their tracks, gazed around with wide eyes, and burst out laughing. “Get the camera!” Mom shouted to Teddy. I came downstairs and joined in the laughter, and then Teddy took pictures of me around the house cheekily posing next to my “Fucks.” Neither of them inquired into why I was upset, but I was satisfied to at least get their attention. Like goys finding Easter eggs well into May, they continued to discover my four-letter treasures for weeks. “I found a ‘Fuck’!” Mom yelled out as she opened the china cabinet to get the Shabbat candles. (c)
Q:
Josh got to quit Hebrew school as soon as he had his Bar Mitzvah. In an effort to get my parents to allow me to quit too, I emerged from my bedroom one Sunday morning having taped crucifixes all over my clothes (I was crafty with the masking tape).
I walked up to Mom and said, “If you don’t let me quit, I’ll marry a Christian!”
“So what?” she said, unfazed.
“Okay, well then I’ll marry a Nazi!” I shouted.
Mom burst out laughing. I’d won her over! (c)
Q:
It didn’t matter that she was married to a judge; she saw rules as an optional set of guidelines. And although her public pushback would sometimes embarrass me, it also seeded a sense of pride. I grew up knowing it was okay to challenge the status quo, to do things differently.
...
… she believed that rules were optional, even the ones the yogis wrote. Her Four Noble Truths were coffee, wine, reading, and talking, or what Buddha might call “contraband.” (c)
Q:
What I liked most about chess was that chance had nothing to do with it. No need for lucky cards or dice or troll dolls. It was up to me to use everything in my arsenal—logic, calculation, memory, even psychology. Mom would remark on how I never got flustered when I was down. … I learned to rely on my strategic-thinking skills on and off the board, believing I could think my way out of any problem. In our family, if I argued my case well enough, I could get whatever I wanted. I remember saying to my parents, “If you guys can have coffee in the morning for your caffeine, I can have a Coke.” For some reason, that one worked. “You’re going to make a fine lawyer one day” was a familiar refrain. (c)
Q:
I don’t think either of them were remarkably mature… (c)
Q:
Often we’d just talk. More than anything else, talking was our thing. To this day there’s no one in the world I’ve ever had an easier time talking to. (c)
Q:
I was happy that Mom was working out her shit, but sometimes I felt like I had to compete with her inner child. (c)
Q:
Her perspective was, Why not try everything? It doesn’t hurt, and it might lead to unexpected wisdom. (c)
Q:
For the pièce de résistance, Mom ushered us all outside into the back parking lot. “It’s time to howl at the full moon,” she announced. We huddled around in our parkas and stared up at the night sky. “Aaah-woooooh, aah-woooooh!” Mom led the group in a series of loud howls.
A neighbour soon yelled down: “Shut the fuck up!”
“It’s just me! Elaine!” Mom reassured him cheerfully. (c)
Q:
I’d always written Mom off as quirky or eccentric—until I came to realize that she was just as queer as me, if not more. Considering the word’s traditional meaning—“strange, peculiar, off-centre”—I’d say Mom managed to outqueer me at what was ostensibly my own coming-out party. (c)
Q:
She also mentioned something about five angels who came to stay as house guests. (c)
Q:
Mom had always been a voracious reader, a fine means of escape from her voracious mother. (с)
Mom was a badass Buddhist. (c)
Okay, the parenting style described here was half-atrocious and half-lovely. What can I say, after having experienced the 2nd part of it myself: it feels good and gets the kid to become a really well-rounded grown up :)
Q:
“When I was younger, I dated men like my father. Now that I’m older I date men like my daughter.” (c) Not sure many daughters would want to hear THAT.
Q:
“I recommend you get surgery as soon as possible.”
“But…I’ve already bought a ticket to Lima!” Mom protested. “Machu Picchu is on my bucket list.”
Teddy and I looked at each other, aghast. How about putting NOT DIE on your list of things to do before you die? (c)
Q:
Growing up, I knew that if Mom was lying upside down, I was not to disturb her. (c)
Q:
I remember in senior kindergarten coming home and announcing that I needed a Halloween costume for school the next day. After a few minutes of scrounging, Mom’s face lit up with an idea. “You’ll be garbage!” she proclaimed. She got a black garbage bag from under the kitchen sink, threw it over my five-year-old body, and used her hands to tear holes for my arms and head. It was her next move that was really inspired, though. She started fishing through the actual garbage bin for dry pieces of authentic trash that we then threaded together with string before festooning me from top to bottom. As a Jewish kid, it was as close as I ever got to trimming a Christmas tree. (c) Argh.
Q:
Mom treated me like a mini adult. When I wasn’t in school, I could do whatever I wanted with my time. (c) This, actually, is the best approach ever.
Q:
Once when I was sick and she didn’t offer to bring me anything, I admonished her: “When other kids are sick, their moms bring them orange juice!” (“You don’t want one of those other moms,” she’d snap back. “I’m more fun!”) (c)
Q:
She admitted that if it had been Josh knocking over other boys, she would’ve been horrified. But her little girl being called a “goon”? She couldn’t have been more pleased. (c)
Q:
I remember Mom teaching me the word “assertive,” although I didn’t need lessons in how to embody it. Mom recalled how, when I was three years old, she tried to scare me into submission. “I’m counting to three!” she warned. “One…two…three…” Apparently I just stood there, unimpressed. “What are you going to do?” I asked. Mom laughed and gave up after that. “I learned I had to go at things slant with you,” she explained years later. “I couldn’t go head to head. You’d win.” (c)
Q:
When I was eight, I decided to switch schools. I was bored … (c)
Q:
When I was really upset with Mom or Teddy, I had to find creative ways of getting their attention. On one occasion when I was about seven, angry about who knows what, I took a pad of paper and wrote “Fuck” on every single sheet. Then, while Mom and Teddy were out, I went around the house taping up my expletive art—on the walls and furniture, inside drawers and cupboards. There must have been a hundred sheets. I didn’t want to be cruel—I considerately used masking tape so as not to peel paint off the walls—but I did want to get my message across. They’ll see how mad I am, I thought. They’d open the front door and be greeted with “Fuck.” They’d walk into the hallway and see “Fuck.” They’d open the fridge, “Fuck” again.
I didn’t get the response I was imagining when they came home. I sat at the top of the stairs and watched as they stopped in their tracks, gazed around with wide eyes, and burst out laughing. “Get the camera!” Mom shouted to Teddy. I came downstairs and joined in the laughter, and then Teddy took pictures of me around the house cheekily posing next to my “Fucks.” Neither of them inquired into why I was upset, but I was satisfied to at least get their attention. Like goys finding Easter eggs well into May, they continued to discover my four-letter treasures for weeks. “I found a ‘Fuck’!” Mom yelled out as she opened the china cabinet to get the Shabbat candles. (c)
Q:
Josh got to quit Hebrew school as soon as he had his Bar Mitzvah. In an effort to get my parents to allow me to quit too, I emerged from my bedroom one Sunday morning having taped crucifixes all over my clothes (I was crafty with the masking tape).
I walked up to Mom and said, “If you don’t let me quit, I’ll marry a Christian!”
“So what?” she said, unfazed.
“Okay, well then I’ll marry a Nazi!” I shouted.
Mom burst out laughing. I’d won her over! (c)
Q:
It didn’t matter that she was married to a judge; she saw rules as an optional set of guidelines. And although her public pushback would sometimes embarrass me, it also seeded a sense of pride. I grew up knowing it was okay to challenge the status quo, to do things differently.
...
… she believed that rules were optional, even the ones the yogis wrote. Her Four Noble Truths were coffee, wine, reading, and talking, or what Buddha might call “contraband.” (c)
Q:
What I liked most about chess was that chance had nothing to do with it. No need for lucky cards or dice or troll dolls. It was up to me to use everything in my arsenal—logic, calculation, memory, even psychology. Mom would remark on how I never got flustered when I was down. … I learned to rely on my strategic-thinking skills on and off the board, believing I could think my way out of any problem. In our family, if I argued my case well enough, I could get whatever I wanted. I remember saying to my parents, “If you guys can have coffee in the morning for your caffeine, I can have a Coke.” For some reason, that one worked. “You’re going to make a fine lawyer one day” was a familiar refrain. (c)
Q:
I don’t think either of them were remarkably mature… (c)
Q:
Often we’d just talk. More than anything else, talking was our thing. To this day there’s no one in the world I’ve ever had an easier time talking to. (c)
Q:
I was happy that Mom was working out her shit, but sometimes I felt like I had to compete with her inner child. (c)
Q:
Her perspective was, Why not try everything? It doesn’t hurt, and it might lead to unexpected wisdom. (c)
Q:
For the pièce de résistance, Mom ushered us all outside into the back parking lot. “It’s time to howl at the full moon,” she announced. We huddled around in our parkas and stared up at the night sky. “Aaah-woooooh, aah-woooooh!” Mom led the group in a series of loud howls.
A neighbour soon yelled down: “Shut the fuck up!”
“It’s just me! Elaine!” Mom reassured him cheerfully. (c)
Q:
I’d always written Mom off as quirky or eccentric—until I came to realize that she was just as queer as me, if not more. Considering the word’s traditional meaning—“strange, peculiar, off-centre”—I’d say Mom managed to outqueer me at what was ostensibly my own coming-out party. (c)
Q:
She also mentioned something about five angels who came to stay as house guests. (c)
Q:
Mom had always been a voracious reader, a fine means of escape from her voracious mother. (с)
April 12, 2021
I gave this book 3 stars, but now that I've had time to reflect on this story it should only be 1 star. While I appreciate the frustration, fear and heartache the author endured with her mother's cancer diagnosis and subsequent journey I couldn't help but to feel nothing short of annoyance and anger with this story. Like Rachel Matlow my mother was diagnosed with cancer, but my mother's cancer was terminal and she fought like hell to live, using everything conventional medicine had to offer. The author's mother, Elaine, took her 90% chance to live and threw it away, instead choosing alternative healing which entailed travelling to expensive spas and retreats in addition to her homeopathic treatment. What's more, the author spent a ridiculously irrelevant amount of time going on about her experience with the Jian Ghomeshi scandal while she was a producer at CBC radio.
Bottom line, this story exudes nothing but entitlement and privilege and has little value to offer the reader other than money can't buy you everything. Reading this story is a slap in the face to all those people who have or had cancer and struggle to survive, while the author's mother is touted for being a nonconformer and placed on a pedestal because she stayed true to herself. What's more, there's nothing remotely humorous in this story either. In conclusion I expected more from this book given all the rave reviews and do not recommend this book to anyone who has lost a loved one to cancer.
Bottom line, this story exudes nothing but entitlement and privilege and has little value to offer the reader other than money can't buy you everything. Reading this story is a slap in the face to all those people who have or had cancer and struggle to survive, while the author's mother is touted for being a nonconformer and placed on a pedestal because she stayed true to herself. What's more, there's nothing remotely humorous in this story either. In conclusion I expected more from this book given all the rave reviews and do not recommend this book to anyone who has lost a loved one to cancer.
May 25, 2020
Dead Mom Walking is a memoir of Rachel Matlow's experiences when her mom, Elaine, was diagnosed with Stage 1 cancer. Instead of following conventional treatment, Elaine decides to heal herself through alternative, natural treatments. I feel bad about giving a memoir only 2 stars, and I don't want to discount Rachel's experiences and feelings, but this book just didn't work for me. The situation was incredibly frustrating and the book itself was a bit too long and repetitive.
April 29, 2020
I was so excited about this book because the idea is so bizarre and unique. I should have had better expectations... this book was such an excruciating, frustrating, and regretful read. I love the author’s humour, but standing by and watching this disaster unfold is an experience I wish I could unsee.
I truly feel like this book perpetuates inappropriate ideas and attitudes towards alternative healing to a disease like cancer. As much as this book is the author’s experience with her mother’s choices, I don’t like how there isn’t clarity on the role of research towards scientific methods to curing cancer.
TL;DR: Herbs and juice cleanses DO NOT heal cancer. Do your research and find statistical evidence to support your belief when it comes to your health and the wellbeing of others.
I truly feel like this book perpetuates inappropriate ideas and attitudes towards alternative healing to a disease like cancer. As much as this book is the author’s experience with her mother’s choices, I don’t like how there isn’t clarity on the role of research towards scientific methods to curing cancer.
TL;DR: Herbs and juice cleanses DO NOT heal cancer. Do your research and find statistical evidence to support your belief when it comes to your health and the wellbeing of others.
March 12, 2023
Amazing memoir, laughed, cried, great emotional read. Needed that.
March 16, 2023
Full disclosure, I only read this book because it was a book club pick. I was not overly excited about reading it and even started off the first few chapters very slowly.
BUT.... I ended up loving it! I laughed (literally out loud a few times), I cried (not just teared up... like tears rolling down my cheeks) and I reflected on many relationships (the great, the good, the bad and the ugly).
I don't re-read books, but I can see myself re-reading this one at some point.
BUT.... I ended up loving it! I laughed (literally out loud a few times), I cried (not just teared up... like tears rolling down my cheeks) and I reflected on many relationships (the great, the good, the bad and the ugly).
I don't re-read books, but I can see myself re-reading this one at some point.
December 28, 2020
I wish I could give more stars for this book. I don’t even know what to say other than the fact that I think everyone needs to read this memoir. I need time to sit and think - because there is so much I resonate and relate with. I might even dare say that this is one of the best books I’ve ever read?! Probably because I can relate to Matlow’s story in a certain type of way. Go read this book, because I want to know if anyone else has all the feelings I have?
March 23, 2023
This book was our March book club pick. It was a great book to discuss at our meeting. This review is not solely mine. It's a mix of thoughts from our book club.
Rachel Matlow’s eccentric mom, Elaine, never quite followed the script handed down to her. Her bold out-there-ness made it okay for Rachel to be their genderqueer self and live life on their own terms. But when Elaine decides to try to heal her cancer naturally, Rachel has to draw the line.
Questions that were brought up were, what would you do if your mom decided not to have treatment for her cancer? Do you think your mom would accept treatment for her cancer? As a "child," is it appropriate to be angry with your mom if she chooses not to seek treatment? Do you have the right to be angry with her?
We found both Rachel and her mom to be selfish.
Elaine was selfish all throughout Rachel's life and blamed it on her own parents. She refused to seek treatment for her cancer. Instead, she decided to go on luxurious retreats and take herbs that she received from David.
Rachel was very close to their mom and wanted her to receive treatment so she could live longer. They spent most of the 4 years arguing with mom about her decision. Rachel mentioned, at a point, that they wouldn't know what to do without their mom. It seemed that they relied on their mom to make them happy.
Terry, Elaine's ex-husband, was a sweetheart. Despite their divorce, Terry was always there for Elaine. Even though their marriage didn't last, they became best friends.
Josh, Rachel's brother, didn't see the reasoning behind fighting with his mom. He knew her time was limited and didn't want to spend that time arguing with her.
We discussed that when Elaine was on her deathbed, that's when it became real. We were brought back to remind us, the readers, that this is happening to someone in real life. This wasn't fictional. This family is seeing, experiencing the death of their beloved mother.
We agreed that the parts where Rachel's former boss, Jian Ghomeshi, the former host of CBC's Q, was mentioned in the book seemed irrelevant to the story about her mother. It was thrown throughout the book. It seemed like squeezing two books together with how much time and detail were included about Jian. We were wondering if Rachel hadn't mentioned Jian at any point, would they have been questioned why?
Some of us admitted that this would have been a DNF had it not been a book for our book club. In the audio version, it is edited to include some pieces from their recordings of their mom. Those who listened to the audio found it really emotional (both funny and sad) to hear it directly from Elaine. It was more relatable!
Overall, it was a great book for discussion! It's probably a book I wouldn't have picked up, personally. However, I'm glad it was picked for our book club.
Rachel Matlow’s eccentric mom, Elaine, never quite followed the script handed down to her. Her bold out-there-ness made it okay for Rachel to be their genderqueer self and live life on their own terms. But when Elaine decides to try to heal her cancer naturally, Rachel has to draw the line.
Questions that were brought up were, what would you do if your mom decided not to have treatment for her cancer? Do you think your mom would accept treatment for her cancer? As a "child," is it appropriate to be angry with your mom if she chooses not to seek treatment? Do you have the right to be angry with her?
We found both Rachel and her mom to be selfish.
Elaine was selfish all throughout Rachel's life and blamed it on her own parents. She refused to seek treatment for her cancer. Instead, she decided to go on luxurious retreats and take herbs that she received from David.
Rachel was very close to their mom and wanted her to receive treatment so she could live longer. They spent most of the 4 years arguing with mom about her decision. Rachel mentioned, at a point, that they wouldn't know what to do without their mom. It seemed that they relied on their mom to make them happy.
Terry, Elaine's ex-husband, was a sweetheart. Despite their divorce, Terry was always there for Elaine. Even though their marriage didn't last, they became best friends.
Josh, Rachel's brother, didn't see the reasoning behind fighting with his mom. He knew her time was limited and didn't want to spend that time arguing with her.
We discussed that when Elaine was on her deathbed, that's when it became real. We were brought back to remind us, the readers, that this is happening to someone in real life. This wasn't fictional. This family is seeing, experiencing the death of their beloved mother.
We agreed that the parts where Rachel's former boss, Jian Ghomeshi, the former host of CBC's Q, was mentioned in the book seemed irrelevant to the story about her mother. It was thrown throughout the book. It seemed like squeezing two books together with how much time and detail were included about Jian. We were wondering if Rachel hadn't mentioned Jian at any point, would they have been questioned why?
Some of us admitted that this would have been a DNF had it not been a book for our book club. In the audio version, it is edited to include some pieces from their recordings of their mom. Those who listened to the audio found it really emotional (both funny and sad) to hear it directly from Elaine. It was more relatable!
Overall, it was a great book for discussion! It's probably a book I wouldn't have picked up, personally. However, I'm glad it was picked for our book club.
January 12, 2021
Wonderful as an audiobook, which includes clips of interviews with Rachel’s mother. All the fun Toronto cultural references added to the book.
November 13, 2022
Rachel Matlow details both her and her mother’s journey after her mother Elaine is diagnosed with stage one cancer. Her mom has always been kind of a free spirit, following her own dreams and beliefs steadfastly, sometimes to the detriment of her children. When Elaine decides that she will not pursue traditional medicine to treat her cancer, relying instead on herbs, tinctures and dubious treatments to cure herself, Rachel begins a five year journey that ultimately brings her closer to her mother but not without the butting of heads.
The book opens with both Rachel and her mother on a ayahuasca “trip” which is quite funny. As well as documenting her mother’s journey, Rachel talks about her time at CBC working with the infamous Jian Gomeshi, her coming out, and how her mother’s insistence to live her life in her own way frustrates her own desires. I laughed a lot throughout this book, but cried very sad tears at the end. Highly recommended.
The book opens with both Rachel and her mother on a ayahuasca “trip” which is quite funny. As well as documenting her mother’s journey, Rachel talks about her time at CBC working with the infamous Jian Gomeshi, her coming out, and how her mother’s insistence to live her life in her own way frustrates her own desires. I laughed a lot throughout this book, but cried very sad tears at the end. Highly recommended.
August 25, 2020
Thanks to Netgalley for my copy.
This is such a hard review to write. It is the story of a family's journey from an initial cancer diagnosis to the end of life. Although I had complete empathy for the family it must have been so hard for them to go along with the mother's wishes which at times seemed strange. However she had obviously never been a conventional follower of expected behaviour so I guess they knew what to expect.
Be prepared for some laughter but also some tears.
This is such a hard review to write. It is the story of a family's journey from an initial cancer diagnosis to the end of life. Although I had complete empathy for the family it must have been so hard for them to go along with the mother's wishes which at times seemed strange. However she had obviously never been a conventional follower of expected behaviour so I guess they knew what to expect.
Be prepared for some laughter but also some tears.
August 24, 2020
I enjoyed this memoir, aside from being true to themselves, I mean the characters, still had the time to have a little fun despite what’s happening in their family, specifically, the mom Elaine. A great story, endearing & funny.
August 28, 2020
A memoir of the author's beauitful relationship with her mother as she refused treatment for her very treatable cancer. I laughed out loud many times and cried. I fell in love with Elaine and wanted to scream at her. And now I want to find the author's therapist?
September 18, 2020
I loved this book. Funny, beautifully written, and captivating....but simultaneously sad and completely frustrating to see what unravels when Rachel's mom chooses to solely pursue alternative treatment (e.g. herbs, scorpion venom) for a highly curable cancer.
This was also my first ever audiobook and I think it has spoiled me!
This was also my first ever audiobook and I think it has spoiled me!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 21, 2020
Rachel is a brilliant writer. Methinks she is still under the spell of her narcissistic parents, but who’s perfect? Laugh out loud funny, moving toward excruciating insight with the help of a good counsellor. And I liked the Jian Ghomeshi stuff; it was relevant!
January 31, 2021
This book is heart wrenching. It is well written and Rachel's storytelling ability makes you feel like you are there with her.
It is hard to read in the sense that you confront fears and emotions of " what if this was my mom?".
A memoir of death, grief, courage and resistance, a story worth reading.
It is hard to read in the sense that you confront fears and emotions of " what if this was my mom?".
A memoir of death, grief, courage and resistance, a story worth reading.
April 29, 2020
Rachel Matlow is a former producer at CBC and her brother, Josh, is a Toronto City Councillor. When their mother, Elaine, discovered she has stage 1 cancer, her doctor recommended she have surgery so she could live a long time. Elaine said she wanted to think about it and research her options. She decided to heal herself and surrounded herself with natural practitioners and what sounds like quacks. She did affirmations and even tried to reason with the cancer. As the cancer moved from stage 1 onward and got worse, Elaine still believed she could heal herself ... until it was too late and her cancer had become terminal and there was nothing that could be done. She passed away in 2015, five years after the diagnosis.
Rachel didn't agree with Elaine's way of healing her cancer and begged her mother to have surgery. But Elaine was stubborn and there were many times when Rachel had to back off so she wouldn't lose her relationship with her mother. During this, Rachel was working with/for Jian Ghomeshi at CBC. He didn't treat his colleagues well at all and she had the added pressure of dealing with the aftermath of his scandal.
Elaine wasn't the most conventional mother. She was raised by a mother who smothered her and was dependent on her even when she was young and Elaine swore she would never do that to her kids. She had adventures and tried to live life to the fullest. While I give her props for wanting to cure her cancer her way, I thought it was a bit selfish that she didn't want to get well as soon as possible so she could be there for her family. When I found out I had cancer in December, I had no hesitation when my surgeon told me she had booked a date a month later for surgery. I want to live a long time and be around for my family and friends.
It was an interesting book but I found it a hard one to read at times, especially when the family realized that Elaine didn't have much time left and started making arrangements.
Blog review post: http://www.teenaintoronto.com/2020/04...
Rachel didn't agree with Elaine's way of healing her cancer and begged her mother to have surgery. But Elaine was stubborn and there were many times when Rachel had to back off so she wouldn't lose her relationship with her mother. During this, Rachel was working with/for Jian Ghomeshi at CBC. He didn't treat his colleagues well at all and she had the added pressure of dealing with the aftermath of his scandal.
Elaine wasn't the most conventional mother. She was raised by a mother who smothered her and was dependent on her even when she was young and Elaine swore she would never do that to her kids. She had adventures and tried to live life to the fullest. While I give her props for wanting to cure her cancer her way, I thought it was a bit selfish that she didn't want to get well as soon as possible so she could be there for her family. When I found out I had cancer in December, I had no hesitation when my surgeon told me she had booked a date a month later for surgery. I want to live a long time and be around for my family and friends.
It was an interesting book but I found it a hard one to read at times, especially when the family realized that Elaine didn't have much time left and started making arrangements.
Blog review post: http://www.teenaintoronto.com/2020/04...
June 30, 2021
(Trigger warning for anyone who has (recently) lost their mother or other loved one.) Yes, this is a bit of a depressing book, but the over-arching story is one of love, dedication and the beautiful bond between a child and her mother. Written in a raw and heartfelt way that brings to life the author’s mother’s vivacious personality, but also shows the struggles she experiences seeing her mother trying to go her own way. But because of her strong-will, there is beauty in living a life that is completely her own, despite the consequences. Rachel’s writing and the audiobook’s clips helped me to feel like I was knowing their relationship through the highs and lows, the amazing woman Elaine was and how she lived, and ultimately died, all her own way.
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November 11, 2022
I picked this up after hearing Matlow interviewed on Death, Sex, and Money, and it was both funny (Humor is one of her top defense mechanisms, she confesses.) and insightful. It takes a few years of therapy, but she comes to some powerful realizations about her mother's preferred defense mechanisms- and how they were so well-developed that Matlow would never have won the argument about taking a more traditional treatment course. It's a potent lesson in avoidance, denial- and how some of us (cough-definitely not me-cough, cough) intellectualize our feelings in sometimes self-destructive ways.
This would be a fun book to read with a group and ask the question: Is this more of a window or mirror book for you?
This would be a fun book to read with a group and ask the question: Is this more of a window or mirror book for you?
November 4, 2020
This book finds itself in the second half when Mom is actually dying. But it was a lot to ask the reader to stick with through the first half… especially all the bits about the CBC and the Jian Ghomeshi farce/tragedy. There was no need to go there… if you want to write about and exorcise your devils about that sad/sorry situation, then do that, but it didn’t belong/fit here, notwithstanding that it speaks to that author’s general state of mind.
I get that having a mother who refuses treatment has got to be incredibly difficult, but ultimately - no matter how selfish it might or might not be on her part - It’s mom’s choice. Period. It’s not about Rachel or anyone else. Period. We all have the right to our own agency, especially when it comes to illness, right or wrong.
I’m always suspect when a memoir is so packed full of dialogue. Was the author tape recording all of these conversations all along? Yes, she states she was recording bits and pieces in the latter half of the book, but what about everything leading up to that point?
And then there’s the whole ‘traumedy’ spin? Really? I failed to see humour in this… just tragedy all around.
I get that having a mother who refuses treatment has got to be incredibly difficult, but ultimately - no matter how selfish it might or might not be on her part - It’s mom’s choice. Period. It’s not about Rachel or anyone else. Period. We all have the right to our own agency, especially when it comes to illness, right or wrong.
I’m always suspect when a memoir is so packed full of dialogue. Was the author tape recording all of these conversations all along? Yes, she states she was recording bits and pieces in the latter half of the book, but what about everything leading up to that point?
And then there’s the whole ‘traumedy’ spin? Really? I failed to see humour in this… just tragedy all around.
May 2, 2020
From page 1 Rachel Matlow’s humour shines through. Very quickly so does their love for their mother and also their frustration and sadness surrounding their mother’s illness. While this book deals with death, it isn’t a downer. Instead, it’s an exploration of the parent-child relationship, the complicated human mind, coping with trauma, and healing. But it’s an exploration that will also keep you laughing the entire way. By page 1 I felt like I wanted to be best friends with the author and their mother, by the last page I felt like I was.
September 23, 2020
A complicated mother-daughter relationship made more so by a cancer diagnosis. I didn’t find it very captivating but I did enjoy the behind the scenes stories of Q and Jian Gomeshi. I just could not get rejecting traditional cancer treatments for natural remedies when the odds to beat it had been so high when it was detected. Trying to respect her mother’s choices while finding them selfish at the same time would have been really difficult.
November 10, 2022
I’ve had the book Dead Mom Walking by Rachel Matlow on my shelf for what feels like ages (its only been two years, but that’s a long time for me). I had read really positive reviews of it when it was released, and I knew it was going to be funny, so I kept it handy in hopes I’d finally reach for it. I did, and I raced through it in a few days. It’s a work of non-fiction, essentially the story of one woman’s mother dying of cancer. The subject is clearly not funny, but the circumstances around it and the author’s reactions to it are what make this book entertaining. It may take me the length of this review to convince you of how funny and relatable this story is, but I know I’ll be successful in making you want to read it too.
Book Summary
Rachel Matlow had a fairly enviable life; she was living in Toronto, working as a producer for the CBC on their popular arts show ‘Q’, and had a close relationship with her brother Josh, a city councilor, her Dad Teddy, a retired judge, and her feisty mother Elaine. But a few difficult years were ahead, signaled by her mother’s initial cancer diagnosis, which was fairly positive at the time; Elaine’s cancerous polyps were caught early, and she had an 80-90 percent survival rate if she had them removed via surgery. Unfortunately Elaine was afraid of surgery, deciding she wanted to treat her cancer with naturopathic remedies instead, including lots of herbal tinctures, mediation retreats, and infrared sauna sessions. Rachel and her family were understandably frustrated by this, and as the months passed, Elaine’s cancer spread. Alongside this family drama, Rachel’s workplace was slowly becoming toxic as host and boss Jian Ghomeshi became increasingly difficult to work for, his ego growing along with the ratings. If you’re a CBC listener you are likely familiar with how that story turned out (spoiler; badly! Ghomeshi sexually assaulted women, and although was kicked off the CBC, he’s trying to resuscitate his career), but living under this stress and then the media storm afterwards all took a toll on Rachel’s mental health as she navigated these difficult years of her life.
My Thoughts
Again, you’re probably wondering why I’m praising this book as funny! I’ve got quotes, I promise. It’s not entirely funny, in fact the end made me a bit teary, but Matlow’s voice shines through on the page, likely the most important factor in the success of this book. Because she was so close with her mother (they were more like friends), one can understand her intense anger and frustration at Elaine’s delusional choice to not get surgery, or do anything a Western medical doctor advises.
The humour in this book works so well because Matlow is all of us; wondering why her mother is so crazy, us collectively shaking our head at her insistence that ‘being positive’ will cure her of cancer. The book opens with Matlow attending a spiritual retreat with her Mom that uses psychoactive plant remedies to ‘cleanse’ the body:
“‘People say it’s like thirty years of psychotherapy in one night,’ Mom boasted. That’s supposed to sound appealing?“
-p. 2 of Dead Mom Walking by Rachel Matlow
Another great example of her humour AND her mother’s craziness:
“I begged and pleaded with her to see a surgeon…I soon regretted not having been more specific. Mom bought a ticket to Brazil to see a ‘psychic surgeon,’ known as John of God, who performed invisible procedures with the help of spirit assistants. Fuck my life.“
-p. 153 of Dead Mom Walking by Rachel Matlow
To be clear, although I chose a quote with a curse word, there isn’t much swearing in this book, but when there is it’s usually used for comedic effect, and it works.
There’s obviously quite a bit of sadness in this book too, and as a woman who lost her mother as a teen, I couldn’t relate to all of Matlow’s fears, but I could certainly understand them better than others. She talks of jealousy, envying her friends who still have their mothers alive and well, and I’ve been there too, although I remind myself of how lucky I am to still have my father – many people in their late thirties have lost both parents, or never had one or both at all. Matlow also recognizes her luck, and is financially stable enough to engage in therapy on a regular basis, which offers some surprising moments towards the end of the book.
Have I convinced you how funny this book is yet? Even if it’s not full of LOL moments on every page (you have to read David Sedaris for that), it’s certainly a worthwhile read, especially for anyone who finds themselves shaking their head at a loved one’s medical choices.
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Book Summary
Rachel Matlow had a fairly enviable life; she was living in Toronto, working as a producer for the CBC on their popular arts show ‘Q’, and had a close relationship with her brother Josh, a city councilor, her Dad Teddy, a retired judge, and her feisty mother Elaine. But a few difficult years were ahead, signaled by her mother’s initial cancer diagnosis, which was fairly positive at the time; Elaine’s cancerous polyps were caught early, and she had an 80-90 percent survival rate if she had them removed via surgery. Unfortunately Elaine was afraid of surgery, deciding she wanted to treat her cancer with naturopathic remedies instead, including lots of herbal tinctures, mediation retreats, and infrared sauna sessions. Rachel and her family were understandably frustrated by this, and as the months passed, Elaine’s cancer spread. Alongside this family drama, Rachel’s workplace was slowly becoming toxic as host and boss Jian Ghomeshi became increasingly difficult to work for, his ego growing along with the ratings. If you’re a CBC listener you are likely familiar with how that story turned out (spoiler; badly! Ghomeshi sexually assaulted women, and although was kicked off the CBC, he’s trying to resuscitate his career), but living under this stress and then the media storm afterwards all took a toll on Rachel’s mental health as she navigated these difficult years of her life.
My Thoughts
Again, you’re probably wondering why I’m praising this book as funny! I’ve got quotes, I promise. It’s not entirely funny, in fact the end made me a bit teary, but Matlow’s voice shines through on the page, likely the most important factor in the success of this book. Because she was so close with her mother (they were more like friends), one can understand her intense anger and frustration at Elaine’s delusional choice to not get surgery, or do anything a Western medical doctor advises.
The humour in this book works so well because Matlow is all of us; wondering why her mother is so crazy, us collectively shaking our head at her insistence that ‘being positive’ will cure her of cancer. The book opens with Matlow attending a spiritual retreat with her Mom that uses psychoactive plant remedies to ‘cleanse’ the body:
“‘People say it’s like thirty years of psychotherapy in one night,’ Mom boasted. That’s supposed to sound appealing?“
-p. 2 of Dead Mom Walking by Rachel Matlow
Another great example of her humour AND her mother’s craziness:
“I begged and pleaded with her to see a surgeon…I soon regretted not having been more specific. Mom bought a ticket to Brazil to see a ‘psychic surgeon,’ known as John of God, who performed invisible procedures with the help of spirit assistants. Fuck my life.“
-p. 153 of Dead Mom Walking by Rachel Matlow
To be clear, although I chose a quote with a curse word, there isn’t much swearing in this book, but when there is it’s usually used for comedic effect, and it works.
There’s obviously quite a bit of sadness in this book too, and as a woman who lost her mother as a teen, I couldn’t relate to all of Matlow’s fears, but I could certainly understand them better than others. She talks of jealousy, envying her friends who still have their mothers alive and well, and I’ve been there too, although I remind myself of how lucky I am to still have my father – many people in their late thirties have lost both parents, or never had one or both at all. Matlow also recognizes her luck, and is financially stable enough to engage in therapy on a regular basis, which offers some surprising moments towards the end of the book.
Have I convinced you how funny this book is yet? Even if it’s not full of LOL moments on every page (you have to read David Sedaris for that), it’s certainly a worthwhile read, especially for anyone who finds themselves shaking their head at a loved one’s medical choices.
To read the rest of my reviews, please visit my blog:
https://ivereadthis.com/
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December 7, 2023
If I could give this book 10 stars, I would. Every word was perfect, totally filling my mind and heart with a myriad of emotions. I just lost my Mom to cancer this year; she lived in Toronto and was the identical, yet antithesis of Elaine. Super smart, not your stereotypical Mom, made real contributions and differences to so many people and institutions. Refused to acknowledge weakness or give in to cancer... she was going to beat it. The antithesis comes in where my Mom followed the treatments and protocols with full confidence in beating the odds. However she had lived her life taking a holistic and homeopathic route, so I could totally identify with Elaine's choices also. The difference was that my Mom passed away never acknowledging that she would not make it. That was hard to take, but Rachel's words helped me to accept that I could not, and did not want to, change who Mom was in her last year of her life. Rachel allowed me to come to terms, at least for now, with Mom making her own choices. Respecting, admiring, and loving Mom all through her life means accepting that was who she was, and I love her for it. Grief, as Rachel also espouses, is a funny thing, a changeling; so I may regress into wishing things had been different, but I will pull through again.
I really, really loved Rachel's assessment and skewering of the character of he-who-shall-not-be-dignified by naming. I attended York University at the same time as that person and could not stand him. Mr. Women's Studies who mocked women, treating them like dirt. Mr. For the Common Person who wore $100 jeans, back in 1990, when that was an exorbitant amount. A man who had no respect for personal space, had a viscious temper, and a vile tongue. It was so great to hear someone as articulate and kind as Rachel state that about him.
Most of all, listening to the audio book in Rachel's own voice, and hearing her Mom also, felt like Rachel was sharing her story to help me through my story. In the almost year since my Mom passed, I just keep moving, keep busy. Rachel's personal, stunningly articulate, story of her journey, filled with humour, anger, love, grief, respect, and frustration, was a catharsis for the emotions bottled up in me. The weight settles back in my chest a little lighter now, and when it gets difficult, I can recall Rachel's words to help keep going.
Thank you so much, Rachel, for your willingness to use your impressive skill set to walk us through your journey, and for letting us lean on your words to help us through ours.
I really, really loved Rachel's assessment and skewering of the character of he-who-shall-not-be-dignified by naming. I attended York University at the same time as that person and could not stand him. Mr. Women's Studies who mocked women, treating them like dirt. Mr. For the Common Person who wore $100 jeans, back in 1990, when that was an exorbitant amount. A man who had no respect for personal space, had a viscious temper, and a vile tongue. It was so great to hear someone as articulate and kind as Rachel state that about him.
Most of all, listening to the audio book in Rachel's own voice, and hearing her Mom also, felt like Rachel was sharing her story to help me through my story. In the almost year since my Mom passed, I just keep moving, keep busy. Rachel's personal, stunningly articulate, story of her journey, filled with humour, anger, love, grief, respect, and frustration, was a catharsis for the emotions bottled up in me. The weight settles back in my chest a little lighter now, and when it gets difficult, I can recall Rachel's words to help keep going.
Thank you so much, Rachel, for your willingness to use your impressive skill set to walk us through your journey, and for letting us lean on your words to help us through ours.
October 22, 2020
Heartbreaking (cue the tissues!). I knew it was going to be a tough one to read but I had to stop reading several times as I could not see the pages through my tears.
There were also some funny parts that made me laugh out loud. The Halloween costume her mom “made” for her when she was in Kindergarten! Her taping the word “fuck” all over the house when she was angry and how her parents reacted. I am left wondering how those stones got in her mom’s ashes!
The funny parts helped to temper all the frustrating and sad in this book. I would have totally been Rachel if my mother had chosen natural therapies rather than surgery/chemo/radiation for her cancer.
I really loved how she portrayed Elaine. This book was a great tribute to her mom and made me want to chat with her over a glass of good wine!
The Stage IV chapter was gut wrenching. So hard to read. I bawled like a baby when she crawled into bed to hold her mom. Same reaction when her mom read the Mary Oliver poem to her.
I am glad she did not end the book when her mom passed and that we got to see some of her therapy process. That insight really helped me empathize with Elaine. I am torn on her including her work life and the Jian Ghomeshi saga in this book about her mom. It adds to her stress levels for sure but for a cancer memoir I am not sure that it should have been included. Same with the Rob Ford references.
“It’s not that I’m afraid so much of dying. It’s more that I’m afraid you guys will need me and I won’t be there.” I nodded. “Yeah, the irony is that you’re the one I’ll need to help me get through the grief of losing you.”
“The alarm went off at 6:30 a.m. Is she still alive? Mom’s impending death felt like a morbid game of Hot Potato. When would the music stop? Who’d end up holding the potato? I really wanted to be there when mom took her final breath, but I was terrified of discovering her already dead.”
There were also some funny parts that made me laugh out loud. The Halloween costume her mom “made” for her when she was in Kindergarten! Her taping the word “fuck” all over the house when she was angry and how her parents reacted. I am left wondering how those stones got in her mom’s ashes!
The funny parts helped to temper all the frustrating and sad in this book. I would have totally been Rachel if my mother had chosen natural therapies rather than surgery/chemo/radiation for her cancer.
I really loved how she portrayed Elaine. This book was a great tribute to her mom and made me want to chat with her over a glass of good wine!
The Stage IV chapter was gut wrenching. So hard to read. I bawled like a baby when she crawled into bed to hold her mom. Same reaction when her mom read the Mary Oliver poem to her.
I am glad she did not end the book when her mom passed and that we got to see some of her therapy process. That insight really helped me empathize with Elaine. I am torn on her including her work life and the Jian Ghomeshi saga in this book about her mom. It adds to her stress levels for sure but for a cancer memoir I am not sure that it should have been included. Same with the Rob Ford references.
“It’s not that I’m afraid so much of dying. It’s more that I’m afraid you guys will need me and I won’t be there.” I nodded. “Yeah, the irony is that you’re the one I’ll need to help me get through the grief of losing you.”
“The alarm went off at 6:30 a.m. Is she still alive? Mom’s impending death felt like a morbid game of Hot Potato. When would the music stop? Who’d end up holding the potato? I really wanted to be there when mom took her final breath, but I was terrified of discovering her already dead.”
August 29, 2022
When her mother is diagnosed with cancer, Rachel Matlow is concerned but hopeful. It's Stage 1, so her mom will get surgery and everything will go back to normal. But growing up in Rachel's family, there was no normal. Elaine, an alternative school teacher and self-help junkie, was never a capital M "Mommy" - she spent more time meditating than packing lunches - and Rachel, who played hockey with the boys and refused to ever wear a dress, was no ordinary daughter.
When Elaine decides to forgo conventional treatment and heal herself naturally, Rachel is forced to ponder whether the very things that made her mom so special - her independent spirit, her belief in being the author of her own story - are what will ultimately kill her. As the cancer progresses, so does Elaine's conviction in doing things her way. She assembles a dream team of alternative healers, gulps down herbal tinctures with every meal, and talks (with respect) to her cancer cells. Anxious and confused, Rachel is torn between indulging her pie-in-the-sky pursuits (ayahuasca and all) and pleading with the person who's taking her mother away.
This book was difficult to get through. It's basically the story of a self-absorbed woman who should never have had children. It's obvious that the only person she ever cared about was herself and her own wants and needs. I can't believe the author would actually want other people to know what a shabby upbringing she and her brother had. I made it through to the inevitable death and then skimmed greatly, finally giving up. She took WAY too long, after the death of this obnoxious woman, to get to the end of the book. No surprise here, I'm not recommending that anyone else slog through this book.
When Elaine decides to forgo conventional treatment and heal herself naturally, Rachel is forced to ponder whether the very things that made her mom so special - her independent spirit, her belief in being the author of her own story - are what will ultimately kill her. As the cancer progresses, so does Elaine's conviction in doing things her way. She assembles a dream team of alternative healers, gulps down herbal tinctures with every meal, and talks (with respect) to her cancer cells. Anxious and confused, Rachel is torn between indulging her pie-in-the-sky pursuits (ayahuasca and all) and pleading with the person who's taking her mother away.
This book was difficult to get through. It's basically the story of a self-absorbed woman who should never have had children. It's obvious that the only person she ever cared about was herself and her own wants and needs. I can't believe the author would actually want other people to know what a shabby upbringing she and her brother had. I made it through to the inevitable death and then skimmed greatly, finally giving up. She took WAY too long, after the death of this obnoxious woman, to get to the end of the book. No surprise here, I'm not recommending that anyone else slog through this book.
April 10, 2023
This memoir follows journalist Rachel Matlow as she goes through her mother's cancer. It is also interesting because at the same time she is dealing with her mother's refusal to treat the cancer with surgery, Matlow, who worked at the CBC show Q, is dealing with the effects of working with Jian Gomeshi, and the fall out from his sexual assault case.
Matlow's mother is a force of nature, and they are close. But her mother's refusal of Western Medicine exposes a lot of trauma in her life and that impacts how she has mothered Matlow. It is clear that she loves her daughter, but as the end of the book reveals, she was a woman with a lot of wall around her, despite her seeming openness with other people.
I found the relationship between Matlow and her mother admirable. It is a beautiful thing to see a daughter both love and like her mother. The end of the book is quite sad, as it is clear that Matlow is bereft when her mother dies.
One thing Matlow talks about was how her mother worked very hard to make sure her daughter knew that she was more than just a mother. As a mother of a daughter, and a daughter myself, I think her mother over did that. Matlow admits it herself in the end of the book, that sometimes, being given freedom, while nice at first, can result in feeling lonely and isolated. It's a delicate balance as a parent to make sure we allow our children (daughters especially!) freedom and foster independence without making them feel abandoned. That means listening and knowing our children.
While it ends on a sad note, it is a beautiful story. I saw shades of my own mostly dysfunctional dynamic with my own mother, but it also reminded me that my own mother like Matlow's mother, had her own vulnerabilities.
Matlow's mother is a force of nature, and they are close. But her mother's refusal of Western Medicine exposes a lot of trauma in her life and that impacts how she has mothered Matlow. It is clear that she loves her daughter, but as the end of the book reveals, she was a woman with a lot of wall around her, despite her seeming openness with other people.
I found the relationship between Matlow and her mother admirable. It is a beautiful thing to see a daughter both love and like her mother. The end of the book is quite sad, as it is clear that Matlow is bereft when her mother dies.
One thing Matlow talks about was how her mother worked very hard to make sure her daughter knew that she was more than just a mother. As a mother of a daughter, and a daughter myself, I think her mother over did that. Matlow admits it herself in the end of the book, that sometimes, being given freedom, while nice at first, can result in feeling lonely and isolated. It's a delicate balance as a parent to make sure we allow our children (daughters especially!) freedom and foster independence without making them feel abandoned. That means listening and knowing our children.
While it ends on a sad note, it is a beautiful story. I saw shades of my own mostly dysfunctional dynamic with my own mother, but it also reminded me that my own mother like Matlow's mother, had her own vulnerabilities.
June 12, 2020
** 4.3
This is a beautifully told story about life and mother-child relationships that will stick with you, almost as though you knew the characters yourself. As a professional in the field on oncology, I found myself understanding the complicated feelings and frustration Rachel had towards her mom's decisions regarding her health and cancer journey, but also appreciating Elaine's need to have control over her health. Rachel telling of her mother's cancer journey makes you laugh, cry, confused, admire, and love the way she does her mom. Readers get an honest account from the difficulties Rachel has as a caregiver and trying to understand this new facet of their lives, while trying to manage all the emotions that come when a loved one is diagnosed with cancer. Simultaneously, we also learn about Elaine's relentless love for life and uplifting light that drew everyone around her.
Cancer itself is a complicated little thing, but the cancer journey individual's and their families/friends go through is something else altogether. This was beautifully written and it is easy to see why it has so much praise! The only reason I gave it a 4.3 instead of 5 stars is because at times I found that I had to convince myself to keep reading, and it was only when I reached the 2/3 mark where I couldn't put the book down. Nevertheless, I would definitely recommend this read!
This is a beautifully told story about life and mother-child relationships that will stick with you, almost as though you knew the characters yourself. As a professional in the field on oncology, I found myself understanding the complicated feelings and frustration Rachel had towards her mom's decisions regarding her health and cancer journey, but also appreciating Elaine's need to have control over her health. Rachel telling of her mother's cancer journey makes you laugh, cry, confused, admire, and love the way she does her mom. Readers get an honest account from the difficulties Rachel has as a caregiver and trying to understand this new facet of their lives, while trying to manage all the emotions that come when a loved one is diagnosed with cancer. Simultaneously, we also learn about Elaine's relentless love for life and uplifting light that drew everyone around her.
Cancer itself is a complicated little thing, but the cancer journey individual's and their families/friends go through is something else altogether. This was beautifully written and it is easy to see why it has so much praise! The only reason I gave it a 4.3 instead of 5 stars is because at times I found that I had to convince myself to keep reading, and it was only when I reached the 2/3 mark where I couldn't put the book down. Nevertheless, I would definitely recommend this read!
June 2, 2022
I loved this book, as heartbreaking and frustrating as it was sometimes to read. Rachel's courage, honesty, and beautiful writing made it feel almost like a love letter to her mom; that the only way for her to make sense of what happened and her emotions was to write about it.
I listened to the audio book, which I highly recommend, because of the tone of Rachel's voice and audio clips from her mom.
The parallel story of working for Q and Jian Ghomeshi's creepy vibes is a riveting backdrop, and takes the reader into that time. I was always waiting to get the scoop on when the whole facade would crack, and as well when Rachel would crack and finally leave that job.
Her mother is quirky, stubborn, free-spirited, broken yet strong, and funny. It's a bit like watching an accident waiting to happen, and then you feel your frustration widen into compassion as you learn more about her childhood and traumas (well for me it did; clearly not the case for some of the reviewers!).
Highly recommended.
I listened to the audio book, which I highly recommend, because of the tone of Rachel's voice and audio clips from her mom.
The parallel story of working for Q and Jian Ghomeshi's creepy vibes is a riveting backdrop, and takes the reader into that time. I was always waiting to get the scoop on when the whole facade would crack, and as well when Rachel would crack and finally leave that job.
Her mother is quirky, stubborn, free-spirited, broken yet strong, and funny. It's a bit like watching an accident waiting to happen, and then you feel your frustration widen into compassion as you learn more about her childhood and traumas (well for me it did; clearly not the case for some of the reviewers!).
Highly recommended.
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