Love Signals: A Practical Field Guide to the Body Language of Courtship

by David Givens

A world renowned anthropologist explores the non-verbal signs, signals, and cues human beings exchange to attract and keep their mates. As a medium of communication, Love's silent language predates speech by millions of years. Today, we still express emotions and feelings largely apart from words. The postures, gestures, and facial cues of attraction are universal, in all societies and cultures.

According to Dr. Givens, courtship moves slowly though five distinct phases: attracting attention, recognition phase, conversation phase, touching phase, making love. Since potential mates "test" each other before uniting as one, courtship is a choreographed give and take of signs granting physical and emotional closeness.

Love Signals is part enthnography and part how-to. Dr. Givens documents the little courting rituals witnessed in elevators, on subways, and in the workplace. He examines the essential role the face plays in courtship and how it can be optimally displayed. He decodes the body to find silent messages given off by shoulders, neck, arms, hands, waist, calves, ankles, feet, and toes. Dr. Givens analyzes expressive shapes, colors, and markings encoded in arm wear, shoulder wear, leg wear, and shoes. He deciphers the background messages of spaces, places and interiors to learn how environs help or hinder in the meeting process. Chemical cues emanating from aromas, tastes, steroids, sterols, and hormones strongly shape a partner's feelings, so they are explored as well.

The book suggests ways to flirt, avoid mixed signals, read eyes, walk, dress, and lift a drink—to help you find a date, spark a relationship, and keep a mate. Knowing the hidden vocabulary of love signals will give you an edge. The more you know about these secret skills of attraction, the more likely you will find a loving, lasting partner.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Anthropology, Relationships, Self Help, Love

256 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1985

About the author

David Givens, Ph.D., is the director of the Center for Nonverbal Studies in Spokane, Washington. He has been a consultant for Pfizer, Epson, Wendy’s, Dell, Unilever, and Best Buy, and teaches Communication and Leadership in the graduate program of the School of Professional Studies at Gonzaga University.

He is the author of Love Signals: A Practical Field Guide to the Body Language of Courtship, Crime Signals: How to Spot a Criminal Before You Become a Victim, and Your Body at Work: A Guide to Sight-reading the Body Language of Business, Bosses, and Boardrooms.

Reviews

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mind blowing that I'm a human after reading this book. Meaning I am CLUELESS as to body signals and the mating dance of romance that people do. Which makes me one of the worst people to hit on as I seriously have no idea that I'm being flirted with or hit on. Also, I'm incredibly unaware and unobservant of what's happening around me when dudes are around. Even if I'm interested in seeing someone. Thank God for Love Signals to the rescue. In fact, one of the chapters in the book talks about response in dating and says that the #1 worst response you can do to somebody's subtle love signals is to ignore them. Which I realized after reading this is exactly what I do, though completely inadvertently since I haven't known to pay attention. Whoops.

If you are the opposite of me, meaning not dorky and a total dating pro, this book will probably be obvious and unnecessary for you. This book is written for the Heathers (me) of the world. There is probably nothing in here that most people aren't aware of. Example, to capture attention make eye contact. Fluff your hair. Smile. Mirror your body language with theirs. Touch. Laugh. If you want to go somewhere alone and get hit on look vulnerable. Looking vulnerable makes you approachable. Example, if your leg is in a cast that makes you look vulnerable and your odds of being approached goes up. Same thing as reading a book. That makes you approachable. But if you go somewhere alone and start staring hard at people or strutting your stuff you won't be approached as that's too aggressive. The only time strutting works is if you are in a group. Groups of same sex are great for being approached, especially if the group is good looking as the tension and pressure is lessened.

This entire book is really a study of animals. Meaning the author parallel studies of humans in dating situations with real world animal stories of mating and courting from zoos and science journals around the world. Because at the end of the day you and me baby ain't nothin but mammals. Am I right?

[Robin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was pretty informative. Gave a lot interesting facts and stuff on how to read body language, especially when meeting and potentially building a relationship. Now if I can just remember all the cool stuff I learned.

[Giorgos Tselios · Rating 5 out of 5]

🚀 The Book in 3 Sentences

1. Explains the mysteries behind the courtship dance between man and woman.
2. It's an easy-to-digest book that's meticulously researched.
3. Humans are weird, but not so much after this book.

🎨 Impressions

I really liked its plain language and the extensive research supporting each claim - it shows how Givens really did do his work. Many of those things I've already read elsewhere, but it was a pleasant refreshment. I can also see the Desmond Morris inspiration in this one - great stuff.

How I Discovered It

Randomly.

Who Should Read It?

Every woman and every man ought to read this book. And not just for every individual's sake but for everyone's, too. Reading this book gives you a new perspective on courtship and mating. Human behavior becomes a little more easy-to-understand, which leads to better romantic relationships.

☘️ How the Book Changed Me

How my life / behaviour / thoughts / ideas have changed as a result of reading the book.

- I wouldn't say it changed me all that much... yet.

✍️ My Top 3 Quotes

- All action is of the mind and the mirror of the mind is the face, its index the eyes.
- The first rule of body language is that a person cannot not behave.
- Courtship works on a principle of luring. Instead of chasing, cornering, and capturing a mate, you emit “come hither” signals and await a response.

[Jess · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely fantastic book about the body language of courtship. It was written by a cultural anthropologist who really knows his stuff! I'm an anthropology major, so I already knew some of the principles that he was using, but some of this stuff just blew me out of the water. I kept finding myself saying, "Wait a second- I DO that!" I definitely recommend this for any single man or woman- it's not just written to a female audience!

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. I have already found myself applying some of these things in my day to day correlations with co-workers, clients family and my boyfriend. This is certainly a book I will need to keep around and re-read in about a year. I strongly suggest this book to anyone looking to start a new relationship or wanting to know more about non verbal communication and how it can help you in all aspects of life.

[Jonathan · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book provides a great overview of human courtship behaviour, from a psychobiological and anthropological perspective. It starts by providing a summary of the five stages of human courtship and then focusses on specific physical attributes that affect attraction. However, the book loses its way toward the middle as the author attempts to take on the role of fashion consultant. He does lose some scientific credibility here.

What’s interesting about this book compared to other books I’ve read is the way the author manages to provide the details of the hard science behind attraction within the context of the cultural construction of romance. I feel that this would broaden the appeal of the book to those that may otherwise avoid scientific texts.

[William Yip · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author wrote in a very dry tone. He also would repeat sentences he thought important many times and frequently they would appear before the actual passages in which they appeared. That said, I learned a lot such as the importance of soft touches, continuous affection, exhilarating activities, clothing, touch and smell, the environment and setting of encounters and dates. It was like a more scientific version of "Undercover Sex Signals" and, like the latter, included sections about the signals from self-touching, showing the palms, showing the neck, eye contact, preening, mirroring. Passages on how body parts attract reminded me of the book "The Naked Woman".

[Fitra Rahmamuliani · Rating 5 out of 5]

Unexpectedly, I learned a lot from this book. Apart from psychology and chemistry, this book sometimes compares it also with how animals such as primates and birds. By reading this book, I can better understand many details that are not realized by humans when they are in courtship or when falling in love.

[Ana Schein · Rating 4 out of 5]

Un libro entretenido y de lectura amena, a pesar de contener mucha información científica. Muy bien organizados los capítulos.

[Marvathu]

Just started to Read

[Farhan Shoffi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Amazing book. And the book makes me want to read more about psychology and nlp topics

[Bahaa]

Beautiful !!

[Lucia Rukia · Rating 5 out of 5]

*4,5* so useful. I think I'll read it again

[M Johana Areiza · Rating 5 out of 5]

Interesante, animal y muy racional en la forma de describir el proceso de seducción.

[Laura Jannink · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars! Very informative, insightful and useful! ^^ The only downside to the book is that it relies heavily on older studies (80s/90s), but it remains a great read regardless.

[Thfadhilyahoo.com]

nice book

[Nana · Rating 3 out of 5]

i hope to benefit from this book ..

[H2he2003]

good

[Chris · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fair enough

Good insights here, couched in terms likening human courting behavior to those of other animals. An interesting read, and reasonably tight.

[Jeacques · Rating 3 out of 5]

First 100 pages were insightful, the 5 phases were practical but the other half of the book was a bit fluffy.

[Shardulvyas · Rating 3 out of 5]

consious account of unconsious movements. after reading upto this point in book, subtle interactions of lovebirds start appearing like pda :-D


Finished and like it.

[Rozana Alhrbi · Rating 4 out of 5]

لغة آخآذة , ليس آكتفآء بالحب ذاته , وانتشلها كلغة طغت في مفهومها

[Abi Nour Eddine]

goo

[Orange · Rating 2 out of 5]

Entertaining case studies (written in the manner of a naturalist observing animals in their habitat) but unbearably heteronormative.