Coming Together: Embracing your Core Desires for Sexual Fulfillment and Long-Term Compatibility

by Danielle Harel, Celeste Hirschman

Sexual issues are incredibly common - yet very poorly understood. Women complain of low desire. Men lose their erections. Or they prefer to stay at home and masturbate to their favorite porn. Couples quietly suffer in sexless marriages for innumerable years. They only talk in hushed voices about their humdrum, tedious sexual routines. People who are deeply in love and attracted to each other are baffled as to why their sex lives aren’t thriving.

Sex therapists, doctors, and other experts each present their own separate solutions to these issues. Yet they largely focus on technique and one-size-fits-all approaches - never getting to the heart of what people are really looking for in their unique sexual connections.

Renowned sex and relationship coaches Danielle Harel Ph.D. and Celeste Hirschman M.A have worked with thousands of people over the past 15 years, helping them thrive in their sexual lives. As the creators of the Somatica Method - a boldly interpersonal, experiential framework practice - their approach challenges the one-size-fits-all solutions of other therapy methods.

In their new book "Coming Together", they walk you down the path of finding your unique needs, and through that, enhance your compatibility with your partner. Fast-paced, full of real-life examples, inspiring and educational, this book invites you to discover and accept who you are as a sexual person. Best of all - you get the tools to teach your partner what you want to feel from sex, as well as what you want to do during sex. Take the leap and start your intimate journey to the profound sexual connection you’ve always dreamed of today.

Through this book you will:

* Find out what makes sex hot - it’s not what you think!
* Learn how hot sex can cure men’s, women’s and couple’s top sexual dysfunctions (including ED, low desire, sexless marriage, and porn dependence)
* Share your desires with your partner in a way that will increase intimacy without pressure
* Celebrate each other's desires as a way to increase intimacy
* Gain tools for teaching partners how to really turn you on
* Increase compatibility through bridging and/or turn-taking

Genres: Sexuality, Nonfiction, Self Help, Relationships, Psychology

174 pages, Kindle Edition

Published November 21, 2019

Reviews

[Michael Burnam-Fink · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well, this one was interesting. Again, as someone who's had more than their fare share of crappy sex (ugh, telling on myself on the internet, again), the authors, cofounders of the Somatica sex-and-relationship coaching network, offer a take that better sex is mostly a matter of psychology, rather than mechanics or communication, though both those parts matter.

The two inwards directed parts are core desires, what really turns you on, and your hottest sex movie, the specific details of sexual fantasy you go to. Most people have at the surface at least, pretty standard core desires to feel wanted, to feel sexy, and perhaps a slight orientation towards leading or being pursued. Where this gets tricky is for people who have core desires that are a little more complex.


Is forming a testudo with 40-50 of your closest friends the cure to loneliness?

Assuming that you can be honest with yourself about your core desires and hottest movie, the next step is sharing that with your partner and vice versa, and then finding a way to bridge the gaps. If you're both lucky, it'll be pretty easy and everybody does something they might not consider individually, but are happy to do when asked, to help both people have a great time.

The case studies of trickier cases were some of the better parts of the book, showcasing the creativity needed to save a relationship. One woman who had been punished for masturbating as a small child found that she needed to feel innocent as part of sex. A man's desire to explore group sex was a proxy for a core desire to be engulfed, and one that could be mostly satisfied by describing an imaginary orgy to his strictly monogamous wife.

[Sylvie Barak · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m a little biased on this one, as I’m a Somatica graduate myself, and have been coached by one of the authors. That being said, Somatica and it’s methods have changed my life for the better, and this book is an incredible starter pack on the way to better relationships in general. But just sexual relationships, any relationships. It’s clear, it’s practical, it’s non judgmental, and it’s relationship saving stuff. I highly recommend both this book and their other books too.

[Rachel Overvoll · Rating 5 out of 5]

Truth evolved

Thought provoking and honest, this book unpacked our ideas on sexual compatibility and opens our hearts found idea of more.

[Emily Ingrid]

I don't think the ideas of core wounds/core desires is original but it is original in the context of how they form our sexuality & fantasies. (I've read about wounds shaping desires from contemporary Christian authors such as John Eldredge.) This book overall was not very well-edited, and that's par for the course considering it was published by the authors' own institute. I also didn't appreciate that the authors kept talking about the point being to have the "hottest" sex of the reader's life - what if it's not "hot" sex I desire? That phrasing turned me off. And lastly, they write in the same way that they talk, such as when I listened to them guest speaking on a podcast called "Sex with Emily," which is how I heard about their book, and while I tend to write the same way I speak as well, I'm not writing a book intended to help a universal audience. Seemed kind of niche to write this way.

Overall, the authors presented some good ideas and helpful suggestions, but this book should have been more professionally edited by a major publisher and re-phrased to appeal to a wider audience. I gained a lot of insight and it has sparked what will be a lifetime of communication with my partner, so for that I do recommend it to other readers.