Social Chemistry: Decoding the Elements of Human Connection

by Marissa King

Social Chemistry will utterly transform the way you think about “networking.” Understanding the contours of your social network can dramatically enhance personal relationships, work life, and even your global impact. Are you an Expansionist, a Broker, or a Convener? The answer matters more than you think. . . . 

Yale professor Marissa King shows how anyone can build more meaningful and productive relationships based on insights from neuroscience, psychology, and network analytics. Conventional wisdom says it's the size of your network that matters, but social science research has proven there is more to it. King explains that the quality and structure of our relationships has the greatest impact on our personal and professional lives. As she shows, there are three basic types of networks, so readers can see the role they are already playing: Expansionist, Broker, or Convener. This network decoder enables readers to own their network style and modify it for better alignment with their life plans and values.

High-quality connections in your social network strongly predict cognitive functioning, emotional resilience, and satisfaction at work. A well-structured network is likely to boost the quality of your ideas, as well as your pay. Beyond the office, social connections are the lifeblood of our health and happiness. The compiled results from dozens of previous studies found that our social relationships have an effect on our likelihood of dying prematurely—equivalent to obesity or smoking.

Rich stories of Expansionists like Vernon Jordan, Brokers like Yo-Yo Ma, and Conveners like Anna Wintour, as well as personal experiences from King's own world of connections, inform this warm, engaging, revelatory investigation into some of the most consequential decisions we can make about the trajectory of our lives.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Science, Business, Self Help, Relationships, Leadership

368 pages, Hardcover

First published January 5, 2021

About the author

Marissa King is professor of Organizational Behavior at the Yale School of Management, where she developed and teaches a popular course entitled Managing Strategic Networks. Over the past fifteen years, King has studied how people's social networks evolve, what they look like, and why that's significant. Her most recent line of research analyzes the individual and group-level behaviors that are necessary for large-scale organizational change. Known to use wearable sensors to enhance traditional social science data, King's research has been featured in outlets such as The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, USA Today, U.S. News & World Report, Bloomberg Businessweek, The Atlantic, and on National Public Radio.

You can also find me on linkedin (www.linkedin.com/in/marissadking/) and at www.marissaking.com. If you want to discover your own network signature visit www.assessyournetwork.com.

Reviews

[Scott Wozniak · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author identifies three styles of relating to others: brokers, conveners and expansionists. Brokers have multiple pools of friends/colleagues who are very diverse--they are the go-between with one foot in both worlds. Conveners have deep connections and introduce all their connections to each other, forming an overlapping community of friendships. Expansionists have a lot of friends but are generally less connected and less vulnerable with them all.

But while that's interesting, it's only a part of the book. Study after study is cited in this book, from whether having friends at work is more helpful for harmful (answer: helpful), whether men and women can be friends or they always end up having attraction feelings (answer: the majority of people don't have strong attraction feelings for their other-gendered friends, even when single) to whether the six degrees from Kevin Bacon game is actually true for real life (answer: yes, even when you don't include Kevin Bacon!).

In fact, that's why I don't give it five stars--the book has such a smorgasbord of relationship studies to discuss that they aren't all fully unpacked and it loses a sense of focus. But it was still interesting to read.

[Heather · Rating 2 out of 5]

The author divides people into 3 different types of networkers: expansionists, brokers, and conveners. She goes on to explain each one and give examples, but it read like a dry business book when I was expecting more interesting social psychology. I gave up halfway through after several months because I don’t want to force myself to read anymore. Life is short, read Malcolm Gladwell.

Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for the advanced reader copy in exchange for an honest review.

[Lydia Wallace · Rating 5 out of 5]

Social Chemistry will utterly transform the way you think about “networking.” Understanding the contours of your social network can dramatically enhance personal relationships, work life, and even your global impact. Are you an Expansionist, a Broker, or a Convener? The answer matters more than you think. . . . A must read. A very good self help guide.

[Joyce]

Networking is generally seen as a necessary evil, and talking about it strategically can practically get you labelled a sociopath or a user. In that sense this is quite a brave book. Whether it's truly a useful book is less clear, as I don't think the author actually provides cast-iron evidence that most people's networking styles can truly change.

Professor King proposes three main networking styles, each with its strengths and weaknesses. The simplest one to understand is the hub-and-spoke networker, whom she dubs Expansionists. Oddly enough, a classic example of this type is LinkedIn founder Reid Hoffman! Despite the fact that he created one of the most successful social networking services in the world, he once told me in no uncertain terms that he is not a joiner in any way -- he strongly prefers one-to-one relationships, and that style is reflected in LinkedIn's almost complete lack of true group-oriented features. Ultimately the limit of the Expansionist style is the ever-increasing amount of time it requires to maintain all those discrete ties, as anyone who has tried to get a meeting with Reid in the last 15 years can tell you.

The next most straightforward networking style is what the author dubs Conveners. This is the type described in unforgettable terms by Biggie Smalls: "tell your friends to get with my friends and we can BE friends". The upside of Convening is high trust and cohesion, which can make it faster to get out of the blocks on new projects; but the downside is groupthink and (although she doesn't dwell on this) the high-cost of intra-group drama. Solutions that work well in the sorority house or the 5-person startup aren't necessarily going to scale to major corporations, especially in an era marked by such a strong need for diversity of thought.

King devotes by far the most time to what she calls Brokers, which are the type of networker that makes others the most uneasy. Brokers are those who derive their power from maintaining ties to multiple DIFFERENT groups or representatives thereof. In most tech companies, these would be product managers who have to interface with marketing, engineering, design, sales, etc. This turns out to be the most efficient way to network, but those who employ this style are frequently seen as inauthentic free-riders who seek to profit from the expertise of others. I certainly have been known to ask what product managers are actually good at, especially when I as an engineering manager have to attend their meetings AND my meetings. But insofar as this book offers truly novel insights, most of them are from the sections about Brokers.

The three networking styles are the core of the argument, but the details are fleshed out by a veritable pointillist painting of examples from organizational psychology and sociology -- and many of these can yield helpful tactics. For instance, it turns out that former coworkers you haven't seen in 10 years are more helpful than your closest friends if you're looking for a job! Professor King is a powerful and tireless synthesizer, and I think this book would be a good starting point for those who have not yet read the works of Adam Grant, David Epstein, or Herminia Ibarra. The book's endnotes are exceptionally useful and well-written, and if you find yourself intrigued by a particular point they're a great guide to further reading.

Full disclosure: my long-time business partner, Adam Rifkin, is mentioned in the book and he lent me a review copy from the author.

[Matthew Cory · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had such high hopes for this book. It's a fine book; the problem is that there's just not a lot of new information inside. If you've read other similar books, you already know about all the psychology studies that are referenced. The main idea the author has is that the workforce is made up of brokers, conveners, and expansionists. It's an original idea but there's only so much new to be said, and quite frankly, I'm not even sure it's accurate. I spent the entire book trying to figure out which group I belong to and it seemed to change based on the information that was presented. Maybe a self-assessment quiz in the book would have been helpful? Overall, it's a fine book if you've got nothing else to read but I wish the author had gone "all in" on her big original idea.

[Kalle Wescott · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read /Social Chemistry: Decoding the Elements of Human Connection/, by Marissa King:

https://www.kirkusreviews.com/book-re...

Malcolm Gladwell, in /The Tipping Point/, broke useful networkers and businesspeople down in to Connectors, Mavens, and Salespeople (https://pacific-edge.info/2018/06/gla...). King's three important roles in business and social networking are Expansionists, Brokers, and Conveners.

King cites many studies and her own research related to how we form our friendships and business networks, with significant interesting data and many fascinating anecdotes. I wish she could have woven the disparate threads together into its own network of related and unified thoughts.

[Vinayak · Rating 5 out of 5]

Social Chemistry is one of the most insightful books I’ve read on social networks and human behavior. Professor King has done a masterful job on her research and explained complex concepts in understandable and entertaining prose. Her analyses on the networks of Jeffrey Sonnenfeld to Cosimo de’ Medici to Shep Gordon and Rick Warren are illuminating.

[Jenn "JR" · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a great primer for those new to neuroscience -- the author covers familiar ground about how our brains work, the importance of connection, touch, exposure to diversity of people and any number of experiments that we've read about in many other neuroscience books over the last 10 years. She talks about the strength of weak ties, the value of a physical touch (a soothing touch is about 1 inch per second, any slower and it's creepy). She even references studies that show when an open plan office might be useful versus distracting.

Interwoven with all the descriptions of the other studies and their results is information about the three types of networkers (expansionists, conveners, brokers) identified by King and her research partner/husband. She describes how social class, psychological attachment types, and one's place in one's career (ie, new or seasoned, powerful or a peon) affect which type of networking style you display or utilize.

I suspect that this would have been a shorter book if she only focused on her three types of networkers. There is a website where you can assess your network: https://www.assessyournetwork.com/

The author describes the value in reaching out to "dormant" connections - see how people are doing and so on. I do that quite often on LinkedIn and also with family/friends but it seems like I'm usually the one expending that kind of energy.

I recommend checking out the website and doing the free report. The book was enjoyable as an audio book and would be valuable to people who haven't done a lot of research into neuroscience. https://marissaking.com/socialchemistry

[Haley Baker · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received a free copy of this book through the Goodreads giveaway.

The only way to read this book is with a highlighter, pen, and notepad. Each chapter delivers sound advice with several eye-opening facts and research studies. This is perfect for anyone who is entering the stage where networking and interpersonal skills are becoming more significant. I'll definitely be keeping this one on my bookshelf!

[Bonnie Ward · Rating 5 out of 5]

I quite enjoyed it and found the book fascinating drawing parallels to user research and interacting with those within and outside a specific circle.

[Janis Caplan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book that has much to teach about interpersonal relationships. Beyond its applications to the work place it also explores the social dynamics in the connections we make within our families, with our friends and into our communities. There are valuable insights here, grounded in research and science and brought to life through personal stories. I highly recommend it.

[Eric Sall · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book explores human networks and the three key styles people have - expansionists, conveners and brokers. Humanized with specific anecdotes, the book was mainly a synthesis of dozens of related research topics. (Support for this observation: about 30% of the page count was bibliography and index!) While there were some thought-provoking insights, a lot of this felt familiar from articles I had read or training classes I had taken. I think I would have gotten more out of this if there was more advice on how to build, improve, or get more value from your network, or advice for companies on how to encourage the most productive behaviors.

[Van-Anh Nguyen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Networking doesn't have to be a chore. In fact, good networking can be a pleasure. To network well, understand your networking style, cultivate strong relationships and weak ties, and don't be afraid to create new connections.
Here are some interesting takeaways from this book:

1) Networking isn't a chore if you know how to do it well.
The author divides networkers into 3 main types: expansionist, broker, or convenor.
An expansionist is at ease with approaching strangers and exceptionally talented at forging spontaneous ties. If you're an expansionist, you probably have an address book full of contacts. But while you know all your connections, your connections are less likely to know each other.
A broker tends to have a diverse network of people with different interests and expertise. Brokers are naturals at bringing these varied people together. The connections the broker facilitates often result in innovation and collaboration. If you're a broker, most of your contacts are, like you, creative and open-minded.
A convenor, you're probably trusted and valued within your network, thanks to the quality of the relationships you're forged there.
No one style of networking is better than the other. But learning which style is yours can help you become a better networker.

2) The ideal network blends quality and quantity.
Network researchers refer to quality connection as strong ties, while quantity ones as weak ties. Strong is consistently deliver benefits, but those benefits come with a deeper sense of obligation. Weak ties can deliver benefits, but those benefits are unpredictable.
Everyone has their own way to allocate resources between strong and weak ties. How we allocated them can depend on our networking type.
Expansionists cultivate weak ties. They find new connections easy to form, but don't feel obligated to maintain these connections.
Brokers enjoy connections with a small group of string ties but also spend time maintaining and leveraging their weak ties across a variety of social contexts. Without maintenance, those weak ties often dissolve.
Convenors prefer to operate in only a few social contexts, and they pour most of their energy into maintaining and deepening their strong ties.

3) Convenors create networks based on trust, intimacy, and exclusivity
First, the interconnected and exclusive nature of these networks means that, if you're "in", you must be trustworthy to some degree.
Second, this trust enables vulnerability. Connections within the convenor's network feel comfortable sharing intimate secrets and weaknesses with each other. These displays of vulnerability, in turn, enable a higher degree of trust.
Third, the convenor's network is grounded in network closure. In other works. there are checks and balances determining who's allowed in, and who stays in. Network closure creates an environment where trust can flourish - if an individual can't be trusted, he/she is simply not central to the network.
+) Advantages: Connections inside the network tend to be homogenous.
-) Disadvantages: Convenor's networks can be cliquish and nepotisitic.

4) Brokers bring diverse connections together.
For starters, brokers are high self-monitors . In psychology, self-monitoring refers to how carefully you control the image you project to others. High self-monitors change the self-image they project depending on the contexts they're in. In other words, they're social chameleons, a trait that allows them to cultivate connections across a broad range of contexts. They're also quick to pick up on social cues and to code-switch, adjusting their language and mannerisms to those of the groups they're in.
However, successful brokers are naturally high self-monitors. Someone who forces themselves to project a certain image to fit in with a new group can often come across as fake.
Also, there's a fine line between blending in, sensitively adjusting your message to its context, and being perceived as inauthentic and self-interested. Brokers risk being perceived as people who'll say anything to be liked or get what they want. But when they apply their gifts with finesse, brokers can bring people together, resolve tricky conflicts, and inspire trust and enthusiasm across their exceptionally diverse networks.

5) Expansionists have impressively broad networks.
Expansionists are popular, and popularity breeds a social advantage that accrues all kinds of other advantages. What's more, being popular is all but guaranteed to ensure expansionists continue to grow in popularity.
Expansionists maintain their popularity because they're exceptionally good at forging one-on-one connections, often in a short space of time. They're gifted at reading and responding to non-verbal cues and, while not necessarily extroverted, they're competent and energetic communicators.
They also tend to engage in prosocial or altruistic behavior, donating money and time to people and causes they believe in. But unlike convenors, their broad networks mean they often don't have the capacity to deeply invest in those causes. Expansionists, while well-meaning, simply don't have the cognitive bandwidth to support all of their connections in a meaningful way.
The very size of their networks means expansionists are likely to have proportionally more weak ties and proportionally fewer strong ties. And this can have drawbacks. Expansionists' wide-ranging networks can prohibit them from enjoying the emotional and practical advantages that a close group of strong ties offers.

6) Borrow from other networking styles and network to your advantage.
Whether you're a convenor, broker, or expansionist, your networking style should come naturally to you. However, if you want to level up your networking game, you need to hybridize your networking, adopting the best tactics from other networking styles.
To begin with, remember that different networking styles are better suited to different life stages.
Expansionist networks, boasting lots of weak ties, are more likely to generate the random connections that can result in a job offer. So, if you're a recent college grad, think about broadening your network.
Meanwhile, most people are best positioned to act as brokers in the middle of their careers. They have enough status to have amassed a number of skilled, powerful connections - but not so much that they've become risk-averse. If you're a mid-tier mid-career employee, try your hand at brokering connections between different professional bubbles. Brokers and convenors can both consider oscillating or switching between time spent cultivating strong ties and time spent brokering new connections.
Don't neglect dormant ties. As we move through life stages, we inevitably lose touch with people we once close with. And many of us feel embarrassed about rekindling these relationships. But dormant ties can be valuable. If you've gone down different life paths, you'll probably glean fresh perspectives from spending time with them.

[Zhivko Kabaivanov · Rating 3 out of 5]

Social Chemistry (2020) is a fresh research-based approach to something that many professionals regard as a necessary evil: networking.

The author demystifies how we network and explains the different networking modes available to us. The result is a convincing argument for the transformative power of good networking.

[Jessica Zoch · Rating 5 out of 5]

The most important people book

The book is filled with extensive amounts of research and insight that allows you to think differently or come to a conclusion around a problem you are having at work.

[Jenna Gourlay · Rating 4 out of 5]

Parts were redundant or similar to many other similar books but there were some really good takeaways. Not sure I would recommend it for someone to ready, but I would share parts I enjoyed.

[Carissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book fascinating. It’s one of the most helpful books I’ve ever read for both personal and professional life.

[Vanessa Bohns · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fascinating and fun read on the topic of social networks--a topic that is so important, but can sometimes seem intimidating.

[Rachel · Rating 3 out of 5]

I *think* this is a book about networking. That’s what it purports to be, and that’s the premise the author keeps circling back to... in what seems to be a painful effort to bring her research back around to her actual thesis. The research into psychology and human interactions is fascinating, and I very much enjoyed those parts of the book. However, anytime the author came back around to discussing Conveners, Expansionists, and Brokers, I felt an inward groan as the author tried to cram her contrived thesis into an otherwise interesting discussion of interpersonal relations. As a result, I’m not exactly sure what the reader’s takeaway is supposed to be.

Also, in 2021 we really have to move past writing to (and about) such a narrow audience of white upper-middle-class readers. Her thesis holds no water in part because she speaks to such a limited segment of our much broader and more diverse community. She presents these three modalities as if they’re ubiquitous, and certainly they are not.

[K2 ----- · Rating 4 out of 5]

Slow to start, I almost gave up but I am glad I didn't. There were some valuable insights into human nature. I was shocked to learn that according to a study out of Northwestern 75% of Americans do not have friends of another race. That rocked my world. There is much to learn in this book, don't let the slow start deceive you. I was quite close to putting it down then I was locked in wanting to learn more and I did. I have no idea who recommended this book to me but I am glad I read it.

[Sara Casaletto · Rating 1 out of 5]

Interesting topic for sure, but all the studies and details were obviously hand picked to support the thesis. Maybe it’s just this type of genre that I don’t enjoy, but sociology in general is just putting a name on something that we mostly all individually understand. The writing was simple enough to follow throughout which made it easier to read, but the content just wasn’t quite book-worthy.

[Anne · Rating 2 out of 5]

I listened to a podcast interviews her and got interested in this book. I was looking forward to decode and anatomize networks but disappointed. There was too much celebrity stories and too little data. It falls very much into my stereotype of a bestseller. Not worth my time so I didn’t finish.

[Kyra Strik · Rating 2 out of 5]

Very practical information about the three ways people tend to form networks, but apart from this insight I felt like the book didnt tell anything new and therefor was stretcht too long. I felt like the lesson from this book could be written out on 10 pages max.

[Simon Hohenadl · Rating 2 out of 5]

The distinction of people into conveners, brokers and expansionists is a useful idea to me, but I could have gotten the same out of a blog post.

[Zac Z · Rating 3 out of 5]

Social Chemistry may be a three hundred page long business school paper, but it is certainly an A+ one.

This is both a positive and a negative- the text efficiently raises a multitude of relevant studies, places them in an easy to understand framework, and slowly grows the scope of its thesis to apply to most every interaction one can have on a daily basis. Perhaps the greatest asset of the work is its startlingly long References section, having fit such a wealth of study into a relatively compact package. And yet, the book never rises above its bibliography: a lack of elegance in prose handicaps the novel from being more than a summary of facts.

To King, efficiency rules above all. Sentences are often short. Single points are made in single phrases. This communicates the information at hand, but gives the writing a jerky quality. Paragraphs and subchapters lack the connective tissue that makes a book a story. However, this does not by any means make the book unreadable, and it may be unfair to hold such an intentionally technical book to the standard of literature. But the text pays for its lack of frills in the detail with which studies are discussed- Social Chemistry is an intentionally accessible text, and by sacrificing the approachability of elegance, it is forced to pare down its facts to be more easily understood. Studies are reduced to, in most cases, percentages and significance levels, inviting the reader to understand points in a mechanical sense only. This tone becomes clearest when, in the final pages of the book, King relates her thesis to her own life events. The shift from social science to personal anecdote is only saved from being jarring by the dissonance between King's subject and her style, as the dramatic events of her life are dissected in the same objective style as the studies on eye contact.

Ultimately, the majority of flaws discussed are irrelevant to the overall quality of the book. As a readable, approachable summary of a certainly interesting framing of networks and networking, Social Chemistry accomplishes everything it set out to. But in the light of other authors who have more entertainingly married the science with the social, King comes off unfavorably.

[Vikram · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this as a recommendation from a work friend.

I would divide this book into two halves. In the first half, the author describes the networking styles of three different kinds: the convener, the broker, and the expansionist. The second half discusses various aspects of work and life in the context of these three styles, and the pros and cons of each.

Conveners belong to cliques and don't really socialize much beyond them. Conveners' networks are more resilient, have high information redundancy (everyone knows everyone else), but can be insular and cliquish. Brokers tend to reside on the edges of multiple cliques, and value diverse perspective and having multiple streams of information, but they can be seen as having divided loyalties. Expansionists seem like a kind of extreme brokers: they know a ton of people but in little depth (this was probably among the three discussed the least).

It is a vast oversimplification to categorize people, and the way that they socialize, into just three bins. Nonetheless, this book seems to borrow concepts and terminology (dyads/triads, weak ties, structural holes, network closure) from actual academic sociology, and so reading about these, and reviewing them later, is what alone made this book an interesting one. It made me think about how it is that I network, and what it is that I've historically valued in networks.

Based on each category, I probably relate most to the broker. I've always put in effort trying to keep weak ties alive and enjoy having a diverse set of perspectives from which I can poll at any given time. It's lead me to have a very wide (though not necessarily as deep as I'd like) network. But I can also see how this type of networking style can lead to trust issues and perceptions of divided loyalties. And I wouldn't say that "broker" perfectly describes me or what I'd want; there are aspects of convener networks (such as belonging to a stable clique) that I'd also very much value.

This book comes across as pop sociology and self-helpish, but the first half is very thought-provoking especially if one has not been exposed to the social network sciences before.

[KY · Rating 4 out of 5]

Social Chemistry provides an analysis on how we network with ample research. The author's main argument states that people can be organized into 3 types depending on how they grow their networks - expansionists, brokers, and conveners. The first 60% of the book explains the characteristics of each type their pros and cons. This was quite insightful and made me reflect on my personal network and pain points. The author does mention that the lines are not so clear cut and we maybe a mix of two types depending on the situation. The author also mentions when it is most advantageous to be a certain type and why. The last section content on how to engage with others better felt obvious and left me unengaged.

The book reads more like mini-sections than one cohesive work because the author doesn't elegantly connect many points together. This is especially evident at the end when the meat of her argument had already been explained. However, the content makes the writing style forgivable since the research is quite extensive and nuanced. The author also delves into how different genders reap varying outcomes for the same networking style, a nuance I particularly enjoyed. Overall, I appreciate the book for providing an interesting framework for understanding social networks and an intriguing read.

[Kami Boley · Rating 4 out of 5]

We as humans are fascinating creatures and I am always willing to learn more about the science behind why we do what we do.

I am not and have never been a social butterfly, so I was naturally quite curious about this book Social Chemistry. There were several standout statements and/or views that really got my attention and sparked some serious conversation threads. I already knew that my avoidance of social situations hindered my growth professionally, but I had not factored in the impact it could possibly have on my overall health. Very interesting.

A good percentage of the book's girth is professor Marissa King citing her sources, which gently guides you through the process of her thorough research. I even found myself participating in an anonymous online lab test that was mentioned (to determine your aptitude for emotional intelligence based on your ability to recognize subtle changes in facial features) just for kicks.

If you are into science and enjoy learning the quirks of human nature, you will probably enjoy this book as much as I did.

I'd like to thank the author, NetGalley, and Dutton / Penguin Random House for allowing me to read a copy of Social Chemistry: Decoding the Elements of Human Connection for an honest review. 4 stars.

[Zach]

Expansionists: These are the "connectors" with vast, sprawling networks. They thrive on meeting lots of people and building a high volume of weak ties—think of someone who knows a little bit about everyone but isn’t deeply tied to many. Great for casting a wide net and gathering diverse info.

Brokers: These folks bridge gaps between disconnected groups. They’re strategic, linking people who wouldn’t otherwise meet, and often act as gatekeepers of ideas or opportunities. They balance fewer, stronger ties with the ability to connect dots across networks.

Conveners: These are the community builders. They focus on creating tight-knit, trusted circles where everyone knows each other. Their networks are smaller but deeper, emphasizing strong, reliable relationships over breadth.

I think that I’m somewhere between expansionist and convener. I like to meet many people and work on establishing relationships with them all, albeit shallow. However, I think I prioritize my tight-knit group, and I like to combine groups. These relationships are deep and long-lasting.

This book gave me a ton of small things that I’m going to implement in my day-to-day life. I feel a little dirty doing the whole social hacking thing, but as a former behaviorist, it’s also pretty fun. 😂

[Daniel · Rating 4 out of 5]

So everyone hates networking, because it is contrived and awkward. But actually the quality of the relationship matters much more than the quantities. There are 3 types of people:

1. Convenes are most of us: strong and closed social ties, where all our friends also know each other. Lots of support given and expected, feel loved. But limited reach.

2. Expansionists are rare: many many friends but shallow ties, people go to them for problems/introductions. Great reach but can feel lonely, and high risk of burnout.

3. Brokers are people who have moderate connections across different domains. Able to withhold information and get promoted more especially as middle managers. But viewed sometimes with suspicion by Conveners.

To be better at connecting, put away your phone and look at the other person. Then just listen without judgement.

Workers are also divided 2: people who mix work and life, and people who separate them. Both have its pros and cons.

A lot of information is given in this business book of social ties. A solid 4 star.