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Patriarchy Stress Disorder: The Invisible Inner Barrier to Women's Happiness and Fulfillment
Despite checking off the boxes of worldly accomplishments, most high-achieving women are secretly dissatisfied. They feel stuck in lives that look perfect on the outside, yet on the inside, they’re unfulfilled, plagued by the nagging feeling that there’s got to be more. They feel guilty and ungrateful for feeling trapped in lives that are so good. They disown their pain, or numb it with excessive work, eating, drinking, shopping, social media, or exercising. They search for solutions in books, meditation, yoga, therapy, medication, and workshops, but something is still missing. They What’s wrong with me?Dr. Valerie Rein has worked with hundreds of high-achieving women and discovered that the issues they all struggle with are not just personal—they’re rooted in the ancestral and collective trauma experienced by women in the patriarchal world for millennia. In Patriarchy Stress Disorder, Dr. Rein describes how this trauma creates an invisible inner prison, that holds them back from stepping into the full power of their authentic presence, unbridled joy, outrageous success, freedom, and fulfillment. In this book, Dr. Valerie - Why you’re dissatisfied in spite of your achievements, and why it's not your fault. - What secretly drains 90 percent of your time and energy, and how to reclaim it. - How to upgrade your game of “How much can I bear?” to “How good can it get?”
278 pages, Kindle Edition
Published December 3, 2019
194 people are currently reading
1420 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews
February 12, 2021
What happens when a white middle aged woman goes to yoga and learns about colonialism? This book. In a word, disappointing.
Most of the ideas in this book aren't wrong but they aren't new either. She extrapolated years of theories that come from working with minorities and marginalized communities and realizes, hey, women have trauma too. She does in this book exactly what patriarchy has always done, a variet of cultural appropriation, congratulations, you learned that CBT isn't the be all end all of therapy, so you come and give a new lable to therapeutic approaches we have been using for years but have never been integrated into psychology because they don't fix in the white overly intellectual box. She talks about breaking out of prison and yet, most of the "happy endings" in the examples are about getting man or succeeding in their career, while doing yoga.
There are other parts of the book that are frankly concerning, the judgementalness towards the prison guards, the idea of digging "deep" into trauma. Even the idea that someone is afraid of talking the train because their grandparents lived throw the Holocaust and her dna is afraid of trains. Really? Much better chances of it being a learned fear.
If you are a client, you are better of reading Brenee Brown, if you are a therapist read some Yalom. Don't waste your time here.
Most of the ideas in this book aren't wrong but they aren't new either. She extrapolated years of theories that come from working with minorities and marginalized communities and realizes, hey, women have trauma too. She does in this book exactly what patriarchy has always done, a variet of cultural appropriation, congratulations, you learned that CBT isn't the be all end all of therapy, so you come and give a new lable to therapeutic approaches we have been using for years but have never been integrated into psychology because they don't fix in the white overly intellectual box. She talks about breaking out of prison and yet, most of the "happy endings" in the examples are about getting man or succeeding in their career, while doing yoga.
There are other parts of the book that are frankly concerning, the judgementalness towards the prison guards, the idea of digging "deep" into trauma. Even the idea that someone is afraid of talking the train because their grandparents lived throw the Holocaust and her dna is afraid of trains. Really? Much better chances of it being a learned fear.
If you are a client, you are better of reading Brenee Brown, if you are a therapist read some Yalom. Don't waste your time here.
December 7, 2021
I thought this book was extremely necessary. In the middle of a pepperoni personal pan(demic) pizza, it is high time we woke up and realized we're living on autopilot. Dr. Valerie Rein taught me a lot as I read through her book, but one of the things she said that really resonated with me was that we are living in our heads and not our bodies. And the more I think about it, it makes sense. As a perfectionist and an introvert, and especially as a woman who is worrying over and taking care of others, I'm always inside my head. I have a complicated relationship with my body and now understand that I am constantly at war with it because I'm living in my head instead of in my body.
I'm subconsciously telling myself horrible things and this keeps me in my bubble of familiar, of safety. But it also keeps me from living my life, I'm only just barely surviving, forget thriving. I think it's eye-opening to put such a fine point on it and finally see with the clarity the things that are holding me back.
The information and studies on trauma memory and responses were especially interesting to me. There are actual cases that prove trauma can be genetically inherited from our ancestors. That blew my mind, but it also explains so much. History of patriarchy and male superiority isn't solely ingrained in society, but in our very bones. We remember and we react the way things have been done for years.
I, for one, am sick of the status quo. I want to start living my best, most authentic and fulfilling life. To show up and be present in my body. I find myself constantly forgetting if I remembered to do things because when I did them, I did them on autopilot, I wasn't taking account of my actions. I wasn't living, I was a dead woman walking. I can't remember details of how I went from one place to another because I was thinking about the five million other things I need to do when I get home.
It's obvious to me now that I need to stop and smell the flowers. In a world where I wear a mask even outside, I don't even know what things smell like anymore. It is so easy to stay in the familiarity of the prison, but I want to take the risk, even if it's scary. I want to show up as the me I want to be, not what everyone else wants. And I want that for all the women I know.
Sometimes getting bogged down in the conversation of gender can be overwhelming and feels like a constantly uphill battle that we can never win. But this book made me feel so hopeful that things can change. That there's a reason we keep perpetuating and buying into the system, but there's a way out. It starts inside of us, it starts with small changes, it starts with you and me. I think I'd like to be me now.
I recommend this book to those who are not living their best authentic lives.
I'm subconsciously telling myself horrible things and this keeps me in my bubble of familiar, of safety. But it also keeps me from living my life, I'm only just barely surviving, forget thriving. I think it's eye-opening to put such a fine point on it and finally see with the clarity the things that are holding me back.
The information and studies on trauma memory and responses were especially interesting to me. There are actual cases that prove trauma can be genetically inherited from our ancestors. That blew my mind, but it also explains so much. History of patriarchy and male superiority isn't solely ingrained in society, but in our very bones. We remember and we react the way things have been done for years.
I, for one, am sick of the status quo. I want to start living my best, most authentic and fulfilling life. To show up and be present in my body. I find myself constantly forgetting if I remembered to do things because when I did them, I did them on autopilot, I wasn't taking account of my actions. I wasn't living, I was a dead woman walking. I can't remember details of how I went from one place to another because I was thinking about the five million other things I need to do when I get home.
It's obvious to me now that I need to stop and smell the flowers. In a world where I wear a mask even outside, I don't even know what things smell like anymore. It is so easy to stay in the familiarity of the prison, but I want to take the risk, even if it's scary. I want to show up as the me I want to be, not what everyone else wants. And I want that for all the women I know.
Sometimes getting bogged down in the conversation of gender can be overwhelming and feels like a constantly uphill battle that we can never win. But this book made me feel so hopeful that things can change. That there's a reason we keep perpetuating and buying into the system, but there's a way out. It starts inside of us, it starts with small changes, it starts with you and me. I think I'd like to be me now.
I recommend this book to those who are not living their best authentic lives.
September 13, 2020
Patriarchy Stress Disorder is one of the most seminal feminist works of our time. It shows us the way forward to creating a more egalitarian culture - one where the feminine and the masculine are honored equally.
This book was an intense revealing of trauma I didn't know I had - the trauma of growing up as a woman in a patriarchal society. It is thoughtfully written, beautifully researched and tells personal stories to connect you with the material.
I had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Valerie in my book club. Check it out here: https://youtu.be/lfH89A8A_7A
This book was an intense revealing of trauma I didn't know I had - the trauma of growing up as a woman in a patriarchal society. It is thoughtfully written, beautifully researched and tells personal stories to connect you with the material.
I had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Valerie in my book club. Check it out here: https://youtu.be/lfH89A8A_7A
October 16, 2020
Interesting topic but this book could have been shorter, like half of it. It's being repetitive in the American way, going all over the same ideas multiple times. I enjoyed it though, at least first 40% of it. Idea of genetically inherited trauma was very interesting to me.
December 4, 2021
This was as fantastic as expected!! So I stumbled on Dr Valerie's work at the beginning of last year and had donwloaded the free first chapter she offered. But like most of us, didn't get around to reading it. But one night I was having a bit of a crisis and didn't know how to make things better, so I reached for that first chapter and HOLY MOLY was I bowled away!! I, like many of us, have taken and followed the generic advice we all get... work harder, push yourself, get out of your comfort zone, reach for the stars etc etc.
It seems like good advice, but after reading that first chapter I realized I was a traumatized mess from following it. My body and nervous system were high strung, ever-anxious and I'd already burnt out a couple of times. You see I had quit corporate life over 10 years ago and set out to become an actor. A journey fraught with many perils.
So I'd resonated so much with that chapter, I took Dr. Valerie's free weekend workshops repeatedly and signed up for her Thriving Solution course. It has been LIFE-CHANGING!! A whole new way to look at my behaviours and habits and life. Looking at all of it through the lens of collective and ancestral trauma experienced by women in our society was revolutionary.
Now a year later I finally finished reading the book thanks to my awesome book club (love you folks!) and it still had so much brilliant information and nuggets of gold to share with me! The gist is most of us are operating from a place of survival (understandably! :) and therefore find it safer to stay in the status quo of our lives, no matter how shitty. But the key to change is using trauma-healing work. It is the work of creating a feeling of safety through self-soothing, quality human connections and budding self-awareness and knowledge.
I have grown by leaps and bound thanks to this work. I'm not out of the woods yet, my life is in quite a turmoil currently, but I know I'm building great foundations of inner work and should be able to create the wonderful, fulfilling life I crave. :)
It seems like good advice, but after reading that first chapter I realized I was a traumatized mess from following it. My body and nervous system were high strung, ever-anxious and I'd already burnt out a couple of times. You see I had quit corporate life over 10 years ago and set out to become an actor. A journey fraught with many perils.
So I'd resonated so much with that chapter, I took Dr. Valerie's free weekend workshops repeatedly and signed up for her Thriving Solution course. It has been LIFE-CHANGING!! A whole new way to look at my behaviours and habits and life. Looking at all of it through the lens of collective and ancestral trauma experienced by women in our society was revolutionary.
Now a year later I finally finished reading the book thanks to my awesome book club (love you folks!) and it still had so much brilliant information and nuggets of gold to share with me! The gist is most of us are operating from a place of survival (understandably! :) and therefore find it safer to stay in the status quo of our lives, no matter how shitty. But the key to change is using trauma-healing work. It is the work of creating a feeling of safety through self-soothing, quality human connections and budding self-awareness and knowledge.
I have grown by leaps and bound thanks to this work. I'm not out of the woods yet, my life is in quite a turmoil currently, but I know I'm building great foundations of inner work and should be able to create the wonderful, fulfilling life I crave. :)
November 23, 2020
I give this book a 4.5... Not a 5 because I still can't get passed the title and my impression, somehow, of implied victimhood. HOWEVER, this book is still incredibly relevant and eye-opening. A few passages to tease, not to spoil:
-- "Women’s empowerment has gotten hijacked by the patriarchal over culture and became about giving a women the “opportunity” to burn herself out by working harder and doing more while still playing by the patriarchal rules. They used to burn us at the stake— now they just hand us the torches."
-- Warren Buffett spoke to this cultural conditioning in the documentary Becoming Warren Buffett. “My sisters are fully as smart as I am,” he said, “they got better personalities than I have, but they got the message that their future was limited, and I got the message that the sky is the limit. It was the culture.” This unconscious privilege of men under patriarchy is still being believed in today. They are born into the culture where they see 95% of Fortune 500 companies are run by men, the country where 100% of presidents have been male. No matter what pretty words about women’s empowerment are placed in commencement speeches and social media memes, as long as women don’t see themselves represented in places of power, the message we receive and imprint is: you’re worth LESS.
-- So many powerful, accomplished women get trapped into thinking: this shouldn’t be affecting me, it’s so minor, I should just get over this. It happened a long time ago. These are the prison guards speaking. They rationalize these emotions away. it’s not that bad.
-- Settling for the safety of the status quo is a popular choice in our culture. The path of creation lies outside of the safety parameter. Every big "yes" begins with a big "no."
A worthwhile book to get and to share with your mother, your sister, your daughter, your girlfriend.
-- "Women’s empowerment has gotten hijacked by the patriarchal over culture and became about giving a women the “opportunity” to burn herself out by working harder and doing more while still playing by the patriarchal rules. They used to burn us at the stake— now they just hand us the torches."
-- Warren Buffett spoke to this cultural conditioning in the documentary Becoming Warren Buffett. “My sisters are fully as smart as I am,” he said, “they got better personalities than I have, but they got the message that their future was limited, and I got the message that the sky is the limit. It was the culture.” This unconscious privilege of men under patriarchy is still being believed in today. They are born into the culture where they see 95% of Fortune 500 companies are run by men, the country where 100% of presidents have been male. No matter what pretty words about women’s empowerment are placed in commencement speeches and social media memes, as long as women don’t see themselves represented in places of power, the message we receive and imprint is: you’re worth LESS.
-- So many powerful, accomplished women get trapped into thinking: this shouldn’t be affecting me, it’s so minor, I should just get over this. It happened a long time ago. These are the prison guards speaking. They rationalize these emotions away. it’s not that bad.
-- Settling for the safety of the status quo is a popular choice in our culture. The path of creation lies outside of the safety parameter. Every big "yes" begins with a big "no."
A worthwhile book to get and to share with your mother, your sister, your daughter, your girlfriend.
January 21, 2021
Highly repetitive as other reviews have mentioned, and much of it is an advertisement for the author’s services. I also didn’t vibe with the writing style as much as I had hoped.
Some of the messaging feels mixed or problematic, especially because it feels like it absolves accountability for many parties. The book also doesn’t really consider what to do for people who are in a position where they are constantly re-traumatized: the focus is entirely on inherited or invisible traumas that were thought to be already handled (but in a book club interview I had the honor of attending, the author readily recognized that therapy and healing is a huge privilege).
I did appreciate its core message around the value of tapping into your emotions and body in order to live more authentically, but I think the delivery was somewhat questionable.
Some of the messaging feels mixed or problematic, especially because it feels like it absolves accountability for many parties. The book also doesn’t really consider what to do for people who are in a position where they are constantly re-traumatized: the focus is entirely on inherited or invisible traumas that were thought to be already handled (but in a book club interview I had the honor of attending, the author readily recognized that therapy and healing is a huge privilege).
I did appreciate its core message around the value of tapping into your emotions and body in order to live more authentically, but I think the delivery was somewhat questionable.
April 17, 2020
This book was such a major influencer in my life path thus far. Highly recommend reading this, even more recommend reading it as part of a book club!
The club that I was apart of created the safe space that Dr. Valerie talks about in the book to work through our personal prison guards. We had the great honor of having our final virtual coven gathering starring Dr. Valerie herself! Very grateful of her to share her time, guidance, support with us. 🙏🏽🌞
Practicing moving out of my mind and back into my body has been the best blessing of my life and that’s a major concept of what Dr. Valerie’s work supports.
The club that I was apart of created the safe space that Dr. Valerie talks about in the book to work through our personal prison guards. We had the great honor of having our final virtual coven gathering starring Dr. Valerie herself! Very grateful of her to share her time, guidance, support with us. 🙏🏽🌞
Practicing moving out of my mind and back into my body has been the best blessing of my life and that’s a major concept of what Dr. Valerie’s work supports.
September 25, 2020
Every woman, every person, should read this book. It helps to understand how trauma shows up in the world for so many people, even those who have not experienced a traumatic event. The book shows what that trauma looks like in day-to-day life, and it gives a clear path forward - active steps you can take to heal and grow.
January 19, 2020
A great read
I enjoyed not only reading the theory but loved the success stories and the practical tools given here can start anyone on their way to “jailbreak” and thriving. I Highly recommend this book
I enjoyed not only reading the theory but loved the success stories and the practical tools given here can start anyone on their way to “jailbreak” and thriving. I Highly recommend this book
February 28, 2020
The premise was sort of interesting but I felt the book was very repetitive and could have been shorter. It reads like a self help book which I have a hard time paying attention to.
January 10, 2021
If I wasn't a trauma therapist, I think this probably would have gotten more stars. But it ended up being quite oversimplified for me. The author felt like she was telling me "what" she was going to tell me in the book for the first half, without actually telling it to me. And in doing so, she seemed to make a lot of promises for the book that, to be honest, it didn't really live up to. There's some good information here about ancestral trauma and the ongoing impacts of patriarchy on women and I had some solid takeaways. But it seemed all over the place and lacking depth. For how much I have heard about this book, I was a bit disappointed. But again, reading this as a therapist there wasn't a lot new here for me, so I'm a bit biased.
November 16, 2021
I was the CEO, mom, wife, board member, volunteer, multi-tasker, fit, fun, etc. etc. (it exhausts me to look back and see it all...) successfull - yet... unhappy. I was so checked out from my own life I couldn't even tell you why (“trauma adaptations”). I wish I would have had this book then. It might have launched me on my own life-transforming journey to heal from trauma, abuse, PTSD, living with a patriarchal narcissist, and settleting for that and thinking I should be "grateful" MUCH SOONER. I appeard to have it all. I had very little. I had my daughters. Don't settle. You deserve a life of limitless potential. Get this book. Now.
December 27, 2020
This book makes so much sense. If you are a woman who has been working tirelessly but never seem to get to where you want to go...this book is for you. Be prepared to jump into your own personal prisons (i.e. trauma triggers) and negotiate with the gaurds (not by over riding them and powering through, but through kindness and self understanding), and scariest and most joyful of all you will learn to fully inhabit your body and receive pleasure in your life. You know what scares the pants off the patriarchy? A woman in her full pleasure.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 1, 2021
Not actual therapy and carries a pseudo science feel to it. And yet it is still well-written, knowledgeable, and a very important read.
Talks a lot about pleasure police and jail breaks and more. I like how it doesn't hone in on Men Suck but says that the inherent structure of the Patriarchy is problematice for all. It offers raw material with great insights, again. Overall this book was very insightful and enjoyable. Learn to appreciate all that you do.
Talks a lot about pleasure police and jail breaks and more. I like how it doesn't hone in on Men Suck but says that the inherent structure of the Patriarchy is problematice for all. It offers raw material with great insights, again. Overall this book was very insightful and enjoyable. Learn to appreciate all that you do.
October 30, 2021
Must read for those searching for happiness
This book goes straight to the core of true healing. Skips the hacks and tricks and goes to the tools of true and lasting transformation and happiness.
This book goes straight to the core of true healing. Skips the hacks and tricks and goes to the tools of true and lasting transformation and happiness.
April 18, 2020
This book was a powerful wakeup call for me. It put family legacy issues in perspective. I highly recommend it.
February 8, 2021
Must read
This book/ theory makes life make sense! Why we do the crazy things we do. Everyone should read it! Even men.
This book/ theory makes life make sense! Why we do the crazy things we do. Everyone should read it! Even men.
April 12, 2022
Summary:
Dr Valerie Rein writes about a take to holistic healing which I have not seen before. Using the metaphor of a 'prison break', she guides you through a process of delving into deep layers of trauma, some of which were not as instantly evident such as gender-based trauma. In turning safely towards the 'prison guards' which are holding you back, the book guides you out into a state of thriving: prison break.
Overall, it took me 3 months to read this as there were exercises throughout and I struggled to come back to it. It definitely challenged preconceived notions in my head. Using the book's terminology, the 'prison guards' were holding me back from reading it consistently, holding me back from change. However, this discomfort has shown me that this book has had an impact on my psyche.
Genre:
I would characterize this book as as a self-help book, specifically targeting high-achieving women who have been focusing on their mental health but still don't feel fulfilled and happy. Its focus is on explaining how one can use the tools provided to shift from a state of dissatisfaction to a state of thriving.
My Pros:
- Clearly explained. Each chapter of the book is a step in the "prison break" healing process. Dr Valerie also integrates stories of her own clients' prison breaks so you fully understand the steps as she goes. She includes studies and references throughout, basing her book in key contemporary psychology
- Mindfulness-based exercises throughout the book. These exercises are imbedded in the chapters and so are well explained before they are introduced. In this way you also understand why you are doing them, helping you notice their impact more easily. I love that she teaches you how to find safety in your body first before any trauma healing begins - this is so so key.
- Some of the exercises I had never heard of before, such as "Inviting Touch". This exercise talks about how touch creates instant regulation in our nervous systems through oxytocin release, inviting self-soothing touch such as giving yourself a gentle face massage. She introduces many more tools such as this one which all have helped me find a sense of safety and tune into my desires.
- Dr Valerie writes in an encouraging and compassionate voice. The work she guides you through can be challenging, especially if undertaken alone, and so I found her style of writing to be very helpful. Her repetitive reassurance that none of your traumas are your fault is incredibly powerful.
My Cons:
- Excludes/alienates men. Although she mentions similar alternatives for men, this only occurs in the last chapter. The title of the book distracts from the essence of the book, which isn't to "cancel" the patriarchy, although it is mentioned as a trauma women must heal as a collective. It would have been powerful to also provide tools for men looking to play a part in being there for their partners, mothers, sisters and friends. Dr Valerie mentions PSD is something both women and men have to heal yet I feel like there was little guidance directing men on their own healing journeys.
- Repetitive. It was difficult to read at times as a lot of the points are brought up over and over again. I believe this book could have been written more concisely but the regurgitation really makes sure you understand all the concepts.
- A bit generalized. I feel like this book would be perfect in tandem with therapy helping you through your personal layers, as otherwise it can be difficult to place your personal experiences into her descriptions. There is no one size fits all the healing and I feel this book fails to provide different trajectories towards prison break. I am also speaking as a university student reading a book targeted for women in their late careers so understand that perhaps I did not connect with the prison break described as much as I could have.
To conclude, this book was an excellent addition to my healing journey but not as pivotal and life-changing as the first chapter suggests it will be. I found "How to Do the Work' by Dr Nicole to be more suited for all on their healing journeys, including men and those outside of high-achieving careers.
Dr Valerie Rein writes about a take to holistic healing which I have not seen before. Using the metaphor of a 'prison break', she guides you through a process of delving into deep layers of trauma, some of which were not as instantly evident such as gender-based trauma. In turning safely towards the 'prison guards' which are holding you back, the book guides you out into a state of thriving: prison break.
Overall, it took me 3 months to read this as there were exercises throughout and I struggled to come back to it. It definitely challenged preconceived notions in my head. Using the book's terminology, the 'prison guards' were holding me back from reading it consistently, holding me back from change. However, this discomfort has shown me that this book has had an impact on my psyche.
Genre:
I would characterize this book as as a self-help book, specifically targeting high-achieving women who have been focusing on their mental health but still don't feel fulfilled and happy. Its focus is on explaining how one can use the tools provided to shift from a state of dissatisfaction to a state of thriving.
My Pros:
- Clearly explained. Each chapter of the book is a step in the "prison break" healing process. Dr Valerie also integrates stories of her own clients' prison breaks so you fully understand the steps as she goes. She includes studies and references throughout, basing her book in key contemporary psychology
- Mindfulness-based exercises throughout the book. These exercises are imbedded in the chapters and so are well explained before they are introduced. In this way you also understand why you are doing them, helping you notice their impact more easily. I love that she teaches you how to find safety in your body first before any trauma healing begins - this is so so key.
- Some of the exercises I had never heard of before, such as "Inviting Touch". This exercise talks about how touch creates instant regulation in our nervous systems through oxytocin release, inviting self-soothing touch such as giving yourself a gentle face massage. She introduces many more tools such as this one which all have helped me find a sense of safety and tune into my desires.
- Dr Valerie writes in an encouraging and compassionate voice. The work she guides you through can be challenging, especially if undertaken alone, and so I found her style of writing to be very helpful. Her repetitive reassurance that none of your traumas are your fault is incredibly powerful.
My Cons:
- Excludes/alienates men. Although she mentions similar alternatives for men, this only occurs in the last chapter. The title of the book distracts from the essence of the book, which isn't to "cancel" the patriarchy, although it is mentioned as a trauma women must heal as a collective. It would have been powerful to also provide tools for men looking to play a part in being there for their partners, mothers, sisters and friends. Dr Valerie mentions PSD is something both women and men have to heal yet I feel like there was little guidance directing men on their own healing journeys.
- Repetitive. It was difficult to read at times as a lot of the points are brought up over and over again. I believe this book could have been written more concisely but the regurgitation really makes sure you understand all the concepts.
- A bit generalized. I feel like this book would be perfect in tandem with therapy helping you through your personal layers, as otherwise it can be difficult to place your personal experiences into her descriptions. There is no one size fits all the healing and I feel this book fails to provide different trajectories towards prison break. I am also speaking as a university student reading a book targeted for women in their late careers so understand that perhaps I did not connect with the prison break described as much as I could have.
To conclude, this book was an excellent addition to my healing journey but not as pivotal and life-changing as the first chapter suggests it will be. I found "How to Do the Work' by Dr Nicole to be more suited for all on their healing journeys, including men and those outside of high-achieving careers.
June 30, 2023
I'm not particularly enthusiastic about reading your typical feminist literature (living as a woman in patriarchy kind of defeats the point of reading about living as a woman in patriarchy). But this book was an exception from the start and became an important reading experience for me.
It's one of those books that maybe doesn't tell you anything particularly new, but it gives you a perspective that you couldn't see for yourself by putting all the pieces of the puzzle in a way that finally makes sense (and what a relief it is, to see it all make sense).
Dr. Valerie Rein promotes a new approach to women's mental health, suggesting that depression, anxiety and even ADD/ADHD symptoms might actually be trauma responses and adaptations from living in a world designed by men for men (the part about adhd especially was a revelation). The trauma in question - is being constantly (and I mean literally on a daily basis) reminded, that a woman is worth less (if not worthless). Considering this, finding ways to heal the trauma could be much more effective than simply treating anxiety, depression etc. I'm glad I learned it now, I wish I knew this years ago. Even within the days of reading the book and observing my own thoughts and behaviour patterns, my perception has shifted dramatically.
This book might be highly beneficial for any woman in therapy/considering therapy, or just struggling because she thinks that she's not (doing) enough.
The book might be interesting for men as well: it gives amazing insights into what women are dealing with since the day we're born, how it effects us and why we are the way we are. Also, dr. Valerie Rein's approach to healing trauma is remarkable, and with a little imagination the techniques that she describes can be extrapolated to any person of any gender suffering from any kind of trauma. Especially considering that patriarchy is no picnic for men either.
It's one of those books that maybe doesn't tell you anything particularly new, but it gives you a perspective that you couldn't see for yourself by putting all the pieces of the puzzle in a way that finally makes sense (and what a relief it is, to see it all make sense).
Dr. Valerie Rein promotes a new approach to women's mental health, suggesting that depression, anxiety and even ADD/ADHD symptoms might actually be trauma responses and adaptations from living in a world designed by men for men (the part about adhd especially was a revelation). The trauma in question - is being constantly (and I mean literally on a daily basis) reminded, that a woman is worth less (if not worthless). Considering this, finding ways to heal the trauma could be much more effective than simply treating anxiety, depression etc. I'm glad I learned it now, I wish I knew this years ago. Even within the days of reading the book and observing my own thoughts and behaviour patterns, my perception has shifted dramatically.
This book might be highly beneficial for any woman in therapy/considering therapy, or just struggling because she thinks that she's not (doing) enough.
The book might be interesting for men as well: it gives amazing insights into what women are dealing with since the day we're born, how it effects us and why we are the way we are. Also, dr. Valerie Rein's approach to healing trauma is remarkable, and with a little imagination the techniques that she describes can be extrapolated to any person of any gender suffering from any kind of trauma. Especially considering that patriarchy is no picnic for men either.
March 23, 2024
Patriarchy Stress Disorder is an interesting look at how women have been traumatized by the strict gender conformity standards in a patriarchy. I know "patriarchy" is a triggering word, as many people interpret it as "anti-men," but that couldn't be further from the truth. Men are negatively affected by the patriarchy as well (and I bet a topic for another book!).
Who should read this book? If you are woman wanting to find a course to happiness and fulfillment, but you feel stuck even after therapy and personal development work, you will find lots of helpful tips in this book.
Dr. Rein shares stories--both personal and from her clients--as well as pages of exercises to help you uncover and heal from your traumas.
Women, let's continue our healing journeys. We are worthy of happier lives!
Who should read this book? If you are woman wanting to find a course to happiness and fulfillment, but you feel stuck even after therapy and personal development work, you will find lots of helpful tips in this book.
Dr. Rein shares stories--both personal and from her clients--as well as pages of exercises to help you uncover and heal from your traumas.
Women, let's continue our healing journeys. We are worthy of happier lives!
November 3, 2021
9The idea of this book is simple: women today have inherited the supression of the generations of females before them and are still struggling to be free. She connects this struggle with the literature from trauma psychology. I like how this is not a pure cognitive approach, but she also involves the bodily symptoms of trauma.
However, in the end, this is a typical coaching book: "99% of your mental problems stem from problem x and you can get rid of them by following my program." There seems to be a circularity in this reasoning: women suffer because of a structural problem of patriarchy, but by following 5 steps as an individual you can fix this in your life. This seems a bit to easy for me. But off course, an individual program is profitable, a structural program would be politics...
However, in the end, this is a typical coaching book: "99% of your mental problems stem from problem x and you can get rid of them by following my program." There seems to be a circularity in this reasoning: women suffer because of a structural problem of patriarchy, but by following 5 steps as an individual you can fix this in your life. This seems a bit to easy for me. But off course, an individual program is profitable, a structural program would be politics...
December 5, 2024
Provocative title, bland contents. If you believe that yoga, breath work, and centering into your pleasure so you can get a good table at upscale restaurants will help dismantle the patriarchy, then this book is for you. It comes across as just fix yourself and you can fix the patriarchy. I would write more, but I already wasted my time reading this book in the hope the author would actually provide something useful.
May 20, 2022
The title of the book is certainly attention grabbing and it did have some useful exercises to get embodied. It could have done with more case study and I was a bit disappointed by the focus on “leaders” only - which I notice in other books of this type - the expectation/bias that only “high-achieving” women have these issues to unburden themselves of. In that sense it felt a bit class-blind.
April 13, 2021
A lot of interesting concepts in this book. How trauma is defined and that is can be transmitted genetically is a concept that applies beyond the scope of the book. Also fascinated by the mind, body, spirit connection. Hard for me to get out of my head. Good read for high achieving women.
December 30, 2024
fabulous insights!
This author describes the invisible tripwires and landmines women navigate every day and gives us tools to avoid and /or diffuse them !! Wow! I couldn’t put it down.
This author describes the invisible tripwires and landmines women navigate every day and gives us tools to avoid and /or diffuse them !! Wow! I couldn’t put it down.
August 2, 2025
In my opinion, it's safer not to make sweeping statements like "in the long run, it's not the trauma that hurts us", because there are traumas that leave lasting, lifelong physical scars and life-changing impact such as the inability to have a child due to internal damage.
May 13, 2020
Lots of takeaways.
October 2, 2020
It's not the sort of book that I'd usually pick up, but I'm grateful for the challenging questions it asked.
January 25, 2021
It was okay. I feel this is a book you need to read multiple times to really grasp.
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