So, who here has heard of the "Stupid Sexy Flanders" meme? If not, here's an explanation:
In an episode of "The Simpsons," Homer is skiing down a hill with his legs painfully spread apart. As he tries to remember what his ski instructor told him, an image of his neighbor, Ned Flanders, in body-tight ski gear appears. He recalls Flander saying, "It feels like I'm wearing nothing at all!" while shaking his booty in a completely innocent, Christian manner. The phrase "Nothing at all" repeats in Homer's head, and each time it zooms in closer on Flanders' butt. Homer screams, "Stupid sexy Flanders!"
That's how I felt reading this book, except it was "Stupid suspenseful Johansen!"
Homer is straight. And if he wasn't, he wouldn't be attracted to Flanders. Flanders is annoying, religious, and unforgivably friendly. Homer doesn't want to admit that Flanders has a great butt. But he does. Dang it, he does.
I feel the same way about Johansen's ability to write. Despite the fact that I can't stand her writing...I have to admit, she really knows how to pull a reader in. It's like watching those paternity tests episodes on Maury. (Does anyone remember that guy?) "This is garbage. I shouldn't be watching this," you say, as your heart pumps and you stuff popcorn into your mouth while waiting for Maury to state his catchphrase "You are (NOT) the father!"
Thus was my experience with Johansen's "Sight Unseen."
So, I now know why Kendra knows so much stuff. Apparently, from the time she was a kid, every time she encountered a new sound or smell, she would investigate it. When she had her sight restored, she did the same with sights. We're treated to a scene where Kendra visits a used car dealer and listens to all the cars start up so she can learn which cars' engines make which sounds. But I still don't buy this. Think about how much stuff there is in the world. And she doesn't just have to know about products. She has to know a ridiculous amount about human anatomy and psychology, about behavior, about linguistics. Not only can she pick out every accent in the United States, but she can even tell what accent they originally had as a child, and when and where they acquired their new accent. Yet she claims she doesn't Google anything, because "life's too short." So I'm guessing she doesn't sit around reading Wikipedia all day, either. You mean to tell me, then, that she's managed to pick up stuff in hundreds of different fields that people take years learning about before she's had her 30th birthday? Yeah, not buying it.
I was surprised to find this was only the second Kendra Michaels book. I would have expected more books before the appearance of a fanatic who reproduces several of her most famous cases, but I was still impressed by the premise of the story. People with extraordinary abilities are often idolized, and sometimes stalked, by rabid fans. It's also true that many serial killers are thrill seekers and believe they will never get caught. I'm not a huge fan of reading about serial killers, but at least this one didn't include any sexual assault, and the hunt for the killer was exciting to read.
I really do think that Johansen's son is better at characterization and dialogue than she is. Some of the banter between Kendra and Adam Lynch, her on-again-off-again love interest, was actually enjoyable to read, and a few lines even made me chuckle. Perhaps Roy just hasn't written for so long that he's become too formulaic. I rag on Iris a lot, but honestly, most super prolific authors are no different. There are exceptions, but most authors who are cranking out a novel a year (or more) aren't doing so because they're good. They have a horde of "ride or die" fans, and they've learned what pays, so they stick with what's "safe."
That doesn't mean I have anything against their fans. I mean, I'm the same way with the Sims franchise. I know, deep down in my heart, that The Sims 4 is a pretty crummy game compared to its predecessors. But I keep spending money on it.
While the premise was interesting, and the writing quality was better than Johansen's solo works, "Sight Unseen" was still a tedious read. A huge chunk of the novel is spent arguing about the same tired things, over and over again. Kendra wants to risk her neck at every possibility. Adam wants to make sure she's safe. Griffin wants Kendra to risk her neck at every possibility, but Kendra doesn't want to take orders from him and Adam hates him because he's putting Kendra in danger. Kendra wants her mother, Diane, and best friend, Olivia, to go somewhere safe while the serial killer is on the loose. They don't want to. Et cetera, et cetera.
Every time Kendra refuses to do something, she ends up doing it anyway, either because she "has to" or because it will be "easier" than arguing. And look. I know conflict is essential to storytelling. But when ever argument is written the same way and has the same outcome, it makes for a very boring and tiring read.
There's also the issue of consent. There hasn't been any sex in the books written with Roy Johansen (which I'm fine with, by the way), but they still found ways to make Adam creepy. At one point in the book, he hires a doctor to show up while Kendra's working to perform a complete medical exam. He even says that if she refuses, he'll continue to stalk her until she agrees. Seriously. And he has her change into a hospital gown, so I'm thinking we're really going "full body" here, if you catch my drift. Why this is necessary for a bunch of bruises and a sprained wrist, I have no idea. (Was the joke about the "surprise" rectal exam really necessary? Although I suppose it's possible the same was done to her by the doctor. Gross.)
What's worse is that, even as Kendra's annoyed, she's also touched that, although many people told her to see a doctor, Adam was the only one to actually send one to her. Oh, and did I mention that she only "consented" to the exam because she decided it would be "easier" than to fight? Yeah. That happened. I think someone needs to lose his medical license.
By far, the most annoying thing about Kendra herself is her attitude. She doesn't like Griffin because he doesn't like her, since he's under the impression that she thinks the police and FBI are idiots. And you know what? He's right. When a murder is reported as a (very believable) traffic accident, she mentions to her date that they're "idiots" for not realizing that it wasn't an accident. Well, excuse me, but not everyone has your superpowers!
And they are superpowers. In addition to Kendra being an asshole to the police force and the FBI (and trust me, I'm not quick to be sympathetic toward either), she constantly insists that her abilities are just a "party trick" and not a huge deal. The implication is that anybody could do the things she does if they just tried hard enough. Hmmm, I wonder why so many people don't like her?
At this point, I don't even know if Johansen's "twists" are predictable anymore. They worked for me, although I was already aware of one of them because I've already read the book after this one.
Sadly, the woman Adam is dating doesn't make an appearance in this book, but I like her even more than I did in "The Naked Eye" (she doesn't appear in that one, either) thanks to something that you really have to read yourself to appreciate. She may actually be the most likable character in the Kendra Michael series. I hope she finds a better guy to date, because Lynch is, indeed, a creeper, just like the men in all of Johansen's other books. He just took a little longer to get there.
I probably would have given this book three stars if it weren't so danged similar to all of her other books. If she had just taken out all the repetitive dialogue, or even just adjusted all the various conflicts so that it didn't feel like I was reading the same thing sixteen different times.