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Shacking Up: The Smart Girl's Guide to Living in Sin Without Getting Burned
The must-have guide for any woman who’s ever thought about saying “yes” to the other big Will you move in with me?
More and more couples are choosing to live together before tying the knot—for convenience, to save money and, most importantly, to see if they’re compatible. While living together can be an exciting way to take your relationship to the next level, it can also present a host of new questions and challenges.
With its fresh, girlfriend-to-girlfriend manner, Shacking Up walks you through every step of the cohabitation process, from making the initial decision to breaking up or getting married. Beginning with a readiness quiz to help you decide if you and your honey are prepared to take the plunge, authors Stacy and Wynne Whitman provide a wealth of hands-on advice from lawyers, psychologists and financial planners as well as entertaining, true-life stories from couples with shacking up experience. Topics breaking the news to your family; managing and merging your finances; protecting yourself legally; real-estate decisions; and day-to-day dilemmas such as chores, privacy, and keeping the spark alive. Whether you opt for wedding bells or decide he’s not the one for you, Shacking Up is a stylish, empowering handbook for staying smart, savvy, and true to yourself along the road to happily ever after.
More and more couples are choosing to live together before tying the knot—for convenience, to save money and, most importantly, to see if they’re compatible. While living together can be an exciting way to take your relationship to the next level, it can also present a host of new questions and challenges.
With its fresh, girlfriend-to-girlfriend manner, Shacking Up walks you through every step of the cohabitation process, from making the initial decision to breaking up or getting married. Beginning with a readiness quiz to help you decide if you and your honey are prepared to take the plunge, authors Stacy and Wynne Whitman provide a wealth of hands-on advice from lawyers, psychologists and financial planners as well as entertaining, true-life stories from couples with shacking up experience. Topics breaking the news to your family; managing and merging your finances; protecting yourself legally; real-estate decisions; and day-to-day dilemmas such as chores, privacy, and keeping the spark alive. Whether you opt for wedding bells or decide he’s not the one for you, Shacking Up is a stylish, empowering handbook for staying smart, savvy, and true to yourself along the road to happily ever after.
320 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2003
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106 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews
June 16, 2015
Of the three books I've read on the topic, this was the best. But also, why have I read three books on the topic.
June 1, 2015
It's probably not fair to review the book when I didn't bother finishing it but I'm going to do it anyway.
For the most part this book was incredibly helpful. The chapter on legal issue with shacking up and ways to protect yourself and your stuff was EXCELLENT. I also loved the way it address both the joys and difficulties of living together. There is a great chapter on "learning how to argue" that every couple should read. So for the most part, this book is filled with information that has real life applications and will give everyone a head start at understanding exactly what they are in for when they move in together. I enjoyed many things about this book.
My real problem with it is that the authors wrote the book as though it were an article in Cosmo. An annoying you-go-girl style that makes me feel like punching a wall. Much like Cosmo they make a lot of assumptions about the race, culture and family dynamics of the readers of the book. They assume you are upwardly mobile and from a religious family who will object to your shacking up. Also I was bored by the opening chapters which seemed to be designed for someone who hasn't decided if they want to shack up yet. It had Cosmo-esque multiple choice quizzes and other silly things to decide if you were ready which I felt were unnecessary as I wouldn't have picked up the book if I wasn't planning to shack up.
The reason I never finished it was because the sister-girl style finally drove me too batty to continue. The clincher was a paragraph in the argument section that sent me over the edge. They suggested ways to make yourself happy was to buy a specific brand of lip balm. It had nothing to do with the surrounding information and was a blatant advertisement for an expensive lip product. I couldn't keep reading after that.
So in the end, the information is mostly useful but it's presented in the most frustrating, gimmick-y way. I'd still probably recommend the book to anyone thinking about moving in together but only because I've not seen much else out there that covers the subject.
For the most part this book was incredibly helpful. The chapter on legal issue with shacking up and ways to protect yourself and your stuff was EXCELLENT. I also loved the way it address both the joys and difficulties of living together. There is a great chapter on "learning how to argue" that every couple should read. So for the most part, this book is filled with information that has real life applications and will give everyone a head start at understanding exactly what they are in for when they move in together. I enjoyed many things about this book.
My real problem with it is that the authors wrote the book as though it were an article in Cosmo. An annoying you-go-girl style that makes me feel like punching a wall. Much like Cosmo they make a lot of assumptions about the race, culture and family dynamics of the readers of the book. They assume you are upwardly mobile and from a religious family who will object to your shacking up. Also I was bored by the opening chapters which seemed to be designed for someone who hasn't decided if they want to shack up yet. It had Cosmo-esque multiple choice quizzes and other silly things to decide if you were ready which I felt were unnecessary as I wouldn't have picked up the book if I wasn't planning to shack up.
The reason I never finished it was because the sister-girl style finally drove me too batty to continue. The clincher was a paragraph in the argument section that sent me over the edge. They suggested ways to make yourself happy was to buy a specific brand of lip balm. It had nothing to do with the surrounding information and was a blatant advertisement for an expensive lip product. I couldn't keep reading after that.
So in the end, the information is mostly useful but it's presented in the most frustrating, gimmick-y way. I'd still probably recommend the book to anyone thinking about moving in together but only because I've not seen much else out there that covers the subject.
November 14, 2020
Despite the obscene amount of painfully outdated 90’s pop culture references, and 20-year old data, this book was surprisingly insightful and thorough. It took the unfortunate approach of providing women’s magazine-style pop quizzes, but when taken in context, were okay starting points for asking more significant and in-depth questions.
I appreciated how the authors stayed in good humor and provided positive perspectives in the legal and break-up chapters. It was much needed to slough through the mental and emotional hurdles those topics bring up. I also appreciate how there were brief chapters addressing the “long after the move-in” stages - marriage, breakup, or cohabitation for life. It was a good way to demonstrate that there isn’t just one outcome that can result from moving in with a partner.
My favorite thing about this book is that compared to the last title I read on the subject, which was almost all focused on the legal and financial side of cohabitation, this one also takes into account the couple’s dynamics; from the emotional and literal battles over moving logistics to how the relationship can develop and change over time in cohabitation.
This is a nicely balanced read, and I would recommend it to friends who are thinking about cohabitation as long as they take the age of the material into consideration.
I appreciated how the authors stayed in good humor and provided positive perspectives in the legal and break-up chapters. It was much needed to slough through the mental and emotional hurdles those topics bring up. I also appreciate how there were brief chapters addressing the “long after the move-in” stages - marriage, breakup, or cohabitation for life. It was a good way to demonstrate that there isn’t just one outcome that can result from moving in with a partner.
My favorite thing about this book is that compared to the last title I read on the subject, which was almost all focused on the legal and financial side of cohabitation, this one also takes into account the couple’s dynamics; from the emotional and literal battles over moving logistics to how the relationship can develop and change over time in cohabitation.
This is a nicely balanced read, and I would recommend it to friends who are thinking about cohabitation as long as they take the age of the material into consideration.
August 5, 2016
I agree with the reviewers who have pointed out that this reads like an annoying Cosmo article. The authors think that the only way to hold the reader's attention is to make excessive references to fashion, brand names, shoe shopping, having an oversized closet, retail therapy, being "fabulous", etc. So annoying. The book is also already kind of dated, as well, with references to Brad and Jen's and Angelina and Billy Bob's "fabulous" marriages (whom the authors erroneously assume I GAF about).
I was also annoyed by the authors' constant apologizing for writing about all this "unfun" stuff (legal consequences, money, having uncomfortable relationship talks...); of course, the reader would much rather read about shopping for fabulous shoes and decorating the new apartment! The book would have been much better as a straight-up reference/advice book without all the stupid frou-frou.
Most of this book seemed pretty "duh." I'd recommend it for a younger woman, maybe someone in her early 20's or even teens who doesn't have a lot of relationship/life experience.
BUT there were some really good bits, particularly the chapter on MONEY, which includes some very helpful lists of possible expenses and approaches to sharing them and a sample cohabitation agreement. The chapter on constructive fighting and keeping the connection/one's independence in a live-in relationship is also really good. Some really great, specific tips there that are worth checking out.
I was also annoyed by the authors' constant apologizing for writing about all this "unfun" stuff (legal consequences, money, having uncomfortable relationship talks...); of course, the reader would much rather read about shopping for fabulous shoes and decorating the new apartment! The book would have been much better as a straight-up reference/advice book without all the stupid frou-frou.
Most of this book seemed pretty "duh." I'd recommend it for a younger woman, maybe someone in her early 20's or even teens who doesn't have a lot of relationship/life experience.
BUT there were some really good bits, particularly the chapter on MONEY, which includes some very helpful lists of possible expenses and approaches to sharing them and a sample cohabitation agreement. The chapter on constructive fighting and keeping the connection/one's independence in a live-in relationship is also really good. Some really great, specific tips there that are worth checking out.
May 20, 2017
It's a quite good read that teaches how to move in together as painlessly as possible. This book is tackling many different areas of life where conflicts may occur especially during the first year of living together, as well as proposed ways to resolve them. It's written for the straight female audience, but I think, it would be a good fit for pretty much anyone who would like to make an important step of moving in with their significant other. The tone of the book is a tad too familiar for me and it was annoying, however the benefits totally outweigh it. There are many issues and areas of life that the book covers and that are not obvious. For the ones that are obvious it feels reassuring, and reminders are good in many cases.
June 2, 2017
It raises a lot of good points about things to consider and discuss, but the writing style is irritating, and really I can't help but feel that making the book half the size would have gotten the point across much better.
February 21, 2018
read in the 1990's - practical advice for conversations to have before living with anyone
July 26, 2007
Shacking Up is a must-read for everybody moving in with someone - especially if you're not getting married right away (or at all), but even if you're getting married. Well, marriage usually entails some pre-wedding counseling, but this book is still chock full of great ideas. It begins by talking about the ups and downs of living together and how to decide if you and your partner are ready, and then goes through the legal, financial, and emotional safeguards and possibilities for your relationship when you make the transition from significant others to roommates. And then it talks about what to do if you're getting married after living together, or if you've decided to be roommates for life, or what to do if you split up. It's funny, well-written, very well researched - it doesn't sugar-coat anything, but it doesn't scare you away and tell you you'll end up pregnant and alone in the gutter, either. It's very matter-of-fact and extremely helpful. This book is what got me thinking about the realities of living with Jim, and the good points of it - and it's part of what's convinced me that we'll be ready for this step.
January 23, 2013
It wasn't profound in any way or particularly revolutionary. However, unlike other reviews, I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. True, it has a light style but given that it's 300 pages and you're probably emotional when reading it, I think that was a good choice. Yes, I could have probably thought out nearly everything in that book (except the sample of the legal contracts - that's helpful if you're writing your own, which often you might be writing your own at least amendments). However, given that you're probably not going to reading it unless you're considering shacking up, YOU'RE NOT THINKING CLEARLY! You're happy or scared or whatever emotion that's clouding your thoughts.
I actually think everyone preparing to shack up, or even marry, should give this book a chance. It will bring you back to earth to think about the practicality to actually make the relationship work. And, if you're borrowing the book, photocopy some of the legal chapters - there's a lot applicable to Canadians and the legal wording of contracts is very helpful.
I actually think everyone preparing to shack up, or even marry, should give this book a chance. It will bring you back to earth to think about the practicality to actually make the relationship work. And, if you're borrowing the book, photocopy some of the legal chapters - there's a lot applicable to Canadians and the legal wording of contracts is very helpful.
September 18, 2012
I don’t think I fit the target market for Shacking Up. Shacking up is aimed toward women and assumes too much and relies too heavily on male and female stereotypes. It is too quick to assume the shackers don’t have any problem with it and to quick to assume the shackers’ parents do. It’s also a 100 miles wide and 1 inch deep.
That being said, Shacking Up is a great resource for any couple either considering moving in together or who has recently moved in together. It may be geared toward women, but the issues it looks like are the same for both parties. Shacking Up can be valuable just as a discussion guide. It’s also written in a chatty and easily readable style.
Shacking Up gives important financial and legal information, but it’s not entirely accurate. For example, Shacking Up states that common law marriage takes a long time, but in at least one state—Texas—common law marriage has no time requirement. Readers would be better served with a chart.
That being said, Shacking Up is a great resource for any couple either considering moving in together or who has recently moved in together. It may be geared toward women, but the issues it looks like are the same for both parties. Shacking Up can be valuable just as a discussion guide. It’s also written in a chatty and easily readable style.
Shacking Up gives important financial and legal information, but it’s not entirely accurate. For example, Shacking Up states that common law marriage takes a long time, but in at least one state—Texas—common law marriage has no time requirement. Readers would be better served with a chart.
June 23, 2009
This book is all about living with your significant other, from whether or not you should even do it, to how to handle the end, whether it's an engagement, or a break up. This is the only guide I've ever seen for successful cohabitation. It talks about the legal ramifications of cohabitation, how to keep the relationship interesting, how to tell your parents, and, my personal favorite, what to say to people who want to know when you're getting married. The book is full of information from personal interviews and surveys, studies, lawyers, and professional relationship counselors. The authors ares sisters, one a writer for women's magazines like cosmo, the other a lawyer, and both veterans of shacking up.
March 14, 2011
The author gives some good concrete advice about the subject. It's easy to slide into this kind of situation without realizing what the consequences will be. These include legal screw ups and the fact that your families probably won't be very supportive. The chapters on how to get along with each other are very practical, and could be useful even to people who are getting married. The author addresses the decision of whether or not to get married.
Of course, the author believes that this is a new day, a new century and there's no right or wrong--just whatever works. She views parents as nice fuddy duddies without realizing they have seen some stuff in their lives and may have gained some wisdom too.
Of course, the author believes that this is a new day, a new century and there's no right or wrong--just whatever works. She views parents as nice fuddy duddies without realizing they have seen some stuff in their lives and may have gained some wisdom too.
November 13, 2008
I found this book interesting, but it had a heck of a lot of common sense stuff that annoyed the crap out of me. Stuff as ridiculous as "If you've only been in the relationship for a week, consider other options than living together" - Okay thats not a direct quote, but it had stuff that I was kind of like... really? are you writing this book for idiots?
That being said, I did get a lot of good information from this book, but the whole making me feel like a toddler thing didn't sit well so 3 stars were all I could muster.
That being said, I did get a lot of good information from this book, but the whole making me feel like a toddler thing didn't sit well so 3 stars were all I could muster.
June 12, 2013
This book is more than a book. It was a wonderful jumping off point for several conversations with my SO when we were thinking of living together. It helped us get on the same page with regards to what we were looking for an what our forward path was. It helped us figure out what questions to ask each other as we built our relationship and gave great tips on how to manage individuality while merging personal spaces.
I recommend this book to ANYONE who's moving in with a significant other. It really helped build our relationship.
I recommend this book to ANYONE who's moving in with a significant other. It really helped build our relationship.
March 28, 2015
It took me well over two years to actually finish reading this book, and by the time I did, it was borderline outdated. However, I would still recommend it for anyone thinking about cohabiting for the first time. The chapter about finances, as well as the sections which provided questions to ask yourself when considering cohabitation and marriage, were particularly helpful. In truth, I used them to jumpstart having important conversations with my boyfriend. There may be a better resource out there now, but I found this to be helpful enough that I don't regret buying and reading it.
March 23, 2010
i like this bookbecause girls would get good things from it. i think that teenage girls should read this book because it help them out with sichis. i gave it 4 stars becaus it helped me out a little with probles that acore in everyday grils life.
May 16, 2011
2.5
Gives useful information and tips and brings up lots of things to think about, but the style is obnoxious and the whole thing feels oddly outdated (for example: does anyone actually have a home phone anymore?).
Gives useful information and tips and brings up lots of things to think about, but the style is obnoxious and the whole thing feels oddly outdated (for example: does anyone actually have a home phone anymore?).
May 16, 2007
Probably should have read this BEFORE moving in with Mike, but it at least gives me some perspective about the future.
June 1, 2007
Should be a must read before moving in together...if not for a good laugh more than to actually learn something.
February 2, 2009
Great book to read before you live with someone. Incidentally after I read this I got BURNED!
July 3, 2009
Every girl should read this before moving in with someone.
April 5, 2011
This was a really helpful guide to the legal, financial, and emotional aspects of moving in with your significant other.
August 1, 2011
I'd give it a 3 and a half. It's helpful on some practical points, but condescending as the person writing it is married.
Want to read
January 30, 2008I HAVE TO READ THIS BOOK! SOON!
April 9, 2008
absolutely essential read before moving in with someone. just some good no nonsense helpful info!
November 2, 2015
So deeply sexist to both men and women that I couldn't stomach more than a few pages.
August 11, 2016
I liked the way she summed up a lot of the information, many quick advice, easy to remember
Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews