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Free Cyntoia: My Search for Redemption in the American Prison System
NAACP Image Award nominee for Outstanding Biography/Autobiography
In her own words, Cyntoia Brown shares the riveting and redemptive story of how she changed her life for the better while in prison, finding hope through faith after a traumatic adolescence of drug addiction, rape, and sex trafficking led to a murder conviction.
Cyntoia Brown was sentenced to life in prison for a murder she committed at the age of sixteen. Her case became national news when celebrities and activists made the hashtag #FreeCyntoia go viral in 2017. She was granted full clemency after having served fifteen years, walking out a free woman on August 7, 2019.
This is her story, in her own words.
In these pages, written over the fifteen years she was incarcerated, Cyntoia shares the difficult early life that lead to that fateful night and how she found the strength to not only survive, but thrive, in prison.
A coming-of-age memoir set against the shocking backdrop of a life behind bars, Free Cyntoia takes you on a spiritual journey as Cyntoia struggles to overcome a legacy of family addiction and a lifetime of feeling ostracized and abandoned by society.
Born to a teenage alcoholic mother who was also a victim of sex trafficking, Brown reflects on the isolation, low self-esteem, and sense of alienation that drove her straight into the hands of a predator.
Though she attempts to build a positive path and honor the values her beloved adoptive mother taught her, Cyntoia succumbs to harmful influences that drive her to a cycle of promise and despair. After a fateful meeting with a prison educator turned mentor, Cyntoia makes the pivotal decision to take classes at Lipscomb University and strive for a better future, even if she’s never freed.
For the first time ever, Cyntoia shares the details of her transformation, including a profound encounter with God, an unlikely romance, and an unprecedented outpouring of support from social media advocates and A-list celebrities, which ultimately lead to clemency and her release from prison.
Giving a rare look at the power of love, forgiveness, and self-discovery in the darkest of places, Free Cyntoia is a deeply personal portrait of one woman’s journey for redemption within a system that had failed her from childhood.
In her own words, Cyntoia Brown shares the riveting and redemptive story of how she changed her life for the better while in prison, finding hope through faith after a traumatic adolescence of drug addiction, rape, and sex trafficking led to a murder conviction.
Cyntoia Brown was sentenced to life in prison for a murder she committed at the age of sixteen. Her case became national news when celebrities and activists made the hashtag #FreeCyntoia go viral in 2017. She was granted full clemency after having served fifteen years, walking out a free woman on August 7, 2019.
This is her story, in her own words.
In these pages, written over the fifteen years she was incarcerated, Cyntoia shares the difficult early life that lead to that fateful night and how she found the strength to not only survive, but thrive, in prison.
A coming-of-age memoir set against the shocking backdrop of a life behind bars, Free Cyntoia takes you on a spiritual journey as Cyntoia struggles to overcome a legacy of family addiction and a lifetime of feeling ostracized and abandoned by society.
Born to a teenage alcoholic mother who was also a victim of sex trafficking, Brown reflects on the isolation, low self-esteem, and sense of alienation that drove her straight into the hands of a predator.
Though she attempts to build a positive path and honor the values her beloved adoptive mother taught her, Cyntoia succumbs to harmful influences that drive her to a cycle of promise and despair. After a fateful meeting with a prison educator turned mentor, Cyntoia makes the pivotal decision to take classes at Lipscomb University and strive for a better future, even if she’s never freed.
For the first time ever, Cyntoia shares the details of her transformation, including a profound encounter with God, an unlikely romance, and an unprecedented outpouring of support from social media advocates and A-list celebrities, which ultimately lead to clemency and her release from prison.
Giving a rare look at the power of love, forgiveness, and self-discovery in the darkest of places, Free Cyntoia is a deeply personal portrait of one woman’s journey for redemption within a system that had failed her from childhood.
320 pages, Hardcover
First published October 15, 2019
287 people are currently reading
4255 people want to read
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May 2, 2020I recently learned that the Netflix documentary on her experiences was made without her consent so I'll be sure to turn to this once I have the emotional capacities for it.
December 21, 2019
I don’t really like leaving reviews on memoirs, biographies or autobiographies because I feel like I’m judging someone’s life. Lol.
This was a very informative, realistic, straightforward, honest, read. I’m glad I read this because Cyntoia’s actual story is quite different from the one celebrated by the media.
This was a very informative, realistic, straightforward, honest, read. I’m glad I read this because Cyntoia’s actual story is quite different from the one celebrated by the media.
November 21, 2019
"Until this point, I've been captive to so many unfulfilling roles- outcast Cyntoia, delinquent Cyntoia, convict Cyntoia, heathen Cyntoia. Now I am exactly who and what the Lord called me to be: free Cyntoia."
~~~
CW: sexual violence
~~~
This is the gut-wrenching, anger-inducing, and truly inspiring memoir of Cyntoia Brown-Long who was sentenced to life in prison at 16 years old for murdering a man who had picked her up for sex, a child! Leading up to that day we are privvy to Cyntoia's memories of her childhood, her rebellion, her time in different institutions, her repeated sexual abuse at the hands of her boyfriend Kut and his friends. The writing is very fast paced and her story is one of incredible resilience in the face of every adversity. During the trial we see how broken the system is that locks up a child for life while not taking into account her life thus far. This book is a big indictment of the legal system in the US, and the prison system as well.
~~~
The transformation of Cyntoia's heart and soul while in prison was such an interesting part of the story. The journey of finding her faith and the love of her life was a very moving chapter in an otherwise heartbreaking story. All I know is I am incredibly excited to see what Cyntoia does next because she is someone special.
~~~
CW: sexual violence
~~~
This is the gut-wrenching, anger-inducing, and truly inspiring memoir of Cyntoia Brown-Long who was sentenced to life in prison at 16 years old for murdering a man who had picked her up for sex, a child! Leading up to that day we are privvy to Cyntoia's memories of her childhood, her rebellion, her time in different institutions, her repeated sexual abuse at the hands of her boyfriend Kut and his friends. The writing is very fast paced and her story is one of incredible resilience in the face of every adversity. During the trial we see how broken the system is that locks up a child for life while not taking into account her life thus far. This book is a big indictment of the legal system in the US, and the prison system as well.
~~~
The transformation of Cyntoia's heart and soul while in prison was such an interesting part of the story. The journey of finding her faith and the love of her life was a very moving chapter in an otherwise heartbreaking story. All I know is I am incredibly excited to see what Cyntoia does next because she is someone special.
January 19, 2020
Every teenager needs to read this!
November 5, 2019
Content Warning: This review, given the person it is about, includes subjects of abuse, sexual assault, drugging, violence, traumas of prison, and other things I may forget to mention. Read with care.
When I became aware of Cyntoia Brown-Long's memoir- Free Cyntoia- I was very interested to read more about her journey. I had followed her case through awareness raised by activist groups and news articles, but this book added a large amount of depth and detail to her story that I never knew about. The book is well written by Cyntoia and Bethany Mauger and is accessible in its style to a variety of readers.
Something that stuck out the most to me while reading this book is Cyntoia's resilience and capacity for forgiveness. Frankly, I felt, and still feel, downright infuriated about everything she went through. Every time she would get past another hurtle, another person would take her down. She really manages to capture the horrific and defeating nature of the prison system in the USA. She also takes a ton of responsibility for her actions and the actions of others. There were times in this story I found myself saying, "Wow, she still thinks (particular abuse she suffered) is her fault."
As I read this book, I realized quickly that I would have to take my time with it, despite wanting to devour it whole. Cyntoia and I have a lot of differences in demographics and privilege, but we share a lot of experiences and thinking patterns in our youth. She described what it was like to think and feel certain ways so well that I had to make sure I put the book down here and there to take care of the feelings it brought up for me. I, and many others, are not at all far away from what happened to Cyntoia. One nudge in another direction and many of us could have found ourselves in her shoes.
-The following summary contains some spoilers about Cyntoia's story that are detailed in the book.-
Cyntoia's life had a rough start with many ups and downs. She was adopted by two extremely loving Black parents who cared for her when her mother could not. She found herself outcast in many circles for her lighter skin, but still found herself in gifted school programs. Her struggles with the law began when she was placed in juvenile offender and psychiatric schools and institutions for very minor offenses such as petty theft or trespassing in a house with other kids. She was then placed in foster care after refusing to be around her sexually predatory uncle who came to pick her up. Time and again, Cyntoia was punished for trying to keep herself safe or for sticking up for herself.
Eventually, Cyntoia was exposed to porn where she learned that sex with strange men is just something normal that you have to do. She internalized this and had her first sexual experience with a stranger- likely an adult man- who preyed upon her while waiting at the bus stop when she was 12 years old. She became a runaway and suffered heinous abuses from adult men she encountered including being drugged and raped multiple times by multiple men. She eventually meets another adult man she came to believe was her boyfriend who abuses her in every way imaginable and forces her into sex trafficking. He started with his friends and slowly forced her to expand who she would be abused by- all adults, while she was in her early to mid teens. He forces her to continue, at times at gunpoint, with promises that they will use the money to run off together some day.
Eventually a predator in his 40s picks her up, takes her to his home where she feels threatened especially by all of the guns he keeps showing her, and she takes the gun Kut had given her and shoots him in self defense. When she is eventually arrested, the police lie to her and Kut snitches on her immediately as well as lies about her, placing all of the blame at her feet. At this point in time, Cyntoia still believes she just had a boyfriend. She still had no idea that she was a trafficking victim and that Kut was her exploiter and abuser, not the love of her life.
After a horrifying and humiliating trial, an unjust court system referring to her as a "teenage prostitute," a prosecutor out for the blood of a young girl, and an unethical mostly white jury find Cyntoia guilty of everything including first degree murder which carries an automatic life sentence for adults in her state. They tried her as an adult despite her being years underage. In prison, even more injustices and betrayals happen to her including finding out her college law professor was a prosecutor who fought to keep her in prison for life and a guard who preyed upon her and started a sexual relationship with her which only she was punished for. It is not until an activist campaign goes viral after many people see a PBS documentary about her case that things begin moving in her favor. Multiple women help Cyntoia come to realize that she was a victim, not an immoral or bad person.
Once Cyntoia became aware of just how insidious those who preyed upon her were, she started a project called GLITTER to mentor young girls and help them escape and avoid trafficking
while she was still in prison. Her attempts to raise awareness were often overshadowed when reporters would choose to instead focus on her personal case. Cyntoia held onto this desire to help others and obviously still does today.
Cyntoia eventually meets her future husband as a penpal in prison who helps her become a follower of the Christian God. Through the hard work of everyone involved, Cyntoia eventually finds clemency and goes home on probation.
-End summary with spoilers about Cyntoia's story-
In the beginning of the book, we get a glimpse of Cyntoia's initial court experience in which she prays, "God, if you let me out of here, I'll tell the whole world about you." Cyntoia explains that she did not believe in God because no God would allow her to be in her circumstances and no God ever answered her prayers for help. By the end of the book, she is giving God credit for almost everything.
I have to admit, I started to get irritated when the God talk went from mentions of gratitude throughout the story to his presence dominating the entire thing. There were so many people who worked so hard for Cyntoia to help her find clemency, yet she focuses almost solely on God giving her a miracle. I am an atheist, but that doesn't mean I don't see the value religion has in peoples lives and culture. I am glad that Cyntoia found a faith that works for her and has shared her truth through this book. I just have a very hard time seeing a deity be given the credit while the people doing the actual work end up as a paragraph at the end of her acknowledgements. I do not understand how she sees all of her negative experiences were part of some divine plan when she is able to get out. Most people never achieve what Cyntoia has and logic follows that their suffering is also part of God's plan. I can't get behind that. But, it doesn't matter so much what I believe because this is Cyntoia's story and this is what mattered to her. It gives us insight to where she is today.
When Cyntoia comes home to the place that her new husband has lovingly stocked with everything she wanted, she does mention that it feels unfair that so many others will not have the same thing. She still attributes it to God's miracle bestowed upon her. Her husband Jaime undoubtedly played a huge part in that, going very heavy handed with the God talk from the moment they began corresponding. I understand how she ended up at the belief system she did.
Overall, Cyntoia's memoir is a very interesting read. I believe this book will also clear up a lot of misconceptions people have about her and her case. She is a highly responsible- perhaps too responsible- woman who has become very knowledgeable caring. I hope her book helps people in similar situations get out alive or at least know that they are not alone.
This was also posted to my blog.
When I became aware of Cyntoia Brown-Long's memoir- Free Cyntoia- I was very interested to read more about her journey. I had followed her case through awareness raised by activist groups and news articles, but this book added a large amount of depth and detail to her story that I never knew about. The book is well written by Cyntoia and Bethany Mauger and is accessible in its style to a variety of readers.
Something that stuck out the most to me while reading this book is Cyntoia's resilience and capacity for forgiveness. Frankly, I felt, and still feel, downright infuriated about everything she went through. Every time she would get past another hurtle, another person would take her down. She really manages to capture the horrific and defeating nature of the prison system in the USA. She also takes a ton of responsibility for her actions and the actions of others. There were times in this story I found myself saying, "Wow, she still thinks (particular abuse she suffered) is her fault."
As I read this book, I realized quickly that I would have to take my time with it, despite wanting to devour it whole. Cyntoia and I have a lot of differences in demographics and privilege, but we share a lot of experiences and thinking patterns in our youth. She described what it was like to think and feel certain ways so well that I had to make sure I put the book down here and there to take care of the feelings it brought up for me. I, and many others, are not at all far away from what happened to Cyntoia. One nudge in another direction and many of us could have found ourselves in her shoes.
-The following summary contains some spoilers about Cyntoia's story that are detailed in the book.-
Cyntoia's life had a rough start with many ups and downs. She was adopted by two extremely loving Black parents who cared for her when her mother could not. She found herself outcast in many circles for her lighter skin, but still found herself in gifted school programs. Her struggles with the law began when she was placed in juvenile offender and psychiatric schools and institutions for very minor offenses such as petty theft or trespassing in a house with other kids. She was then placed in foster care after refusing to be around her sexually predatory uncle who came to pick her up. Time and again, Cyntoia was punished for trying to keep herself safe or for sticking up for herself.
Eventually, Cyntoia was exposed to porn where she learned that sex with strange men is just something normal that you have to do. She internalized this and had her first sexual experience with a stranger- likely an adult man- who preyed upon her while waiting at the bus stop when she was 12 years old. She became a runaway and suffered heinous abuses from adult men she encountered including being drugged and raped multiple times by multiple men. She eventually meets another adult man she came to believe was her boyfriend who abuses her in every way imaginable and forces her into sex trafficking. He started with his friends and slowly forced her to expand who she would be abused by- all adults, while she was in her early to mid teens. He forces her to continue, at times at gunpoint, with promises that they will use the money to run off together some day.
Eventually a predator in his 40s picks her up, takes her to his home where she feels threatened especially by all of the guns he keeps showing her, and she takes the gun Kut had given her and shoots him in self defense. When she is eventually arrested, the police lie to her and Kut snitches on her immediately as well as lies about her, placing all of the blame at her feet. At this point in time, Cyntoia still believes she just had a boyfriend. She still had no idea that she was a trafficking victim and that Kut was her exploiter and abuser, not the love of her life.
After a horrifying and humiliating trial, an unjust court system referring to her as a "teenage prostitute," a prosecutor out for the blood of a young girl, and an unethical mostly white jury find Cyntoia guilty of everything including first degree murder which carries an automatic life sentence for adults in her state. They tried her as an adult despite her being years underage. In prison, even more injustices and betrayals happen to her including finding out her college law professor was a prosecutor who fought to keep her in prison for life and a guard who preyed upon her and started a sexual relationship with her which only she was punished for. It is not until an activist campaign goes viral after many people see a PBS documentary about her case that things begin moving in her favor. Multiple women help Cyntoia come to realize that she was a victim, not an immoral or bad person.
Once Cyntoia became aware of just how insidious those who preyed upon her were, she started a project called GLITTER to mentor young girls and help them escape and avoid trafficking
while she was still in prison. Her attempts to raise awareness were often overshadowed when reporters would choose to instead focus on her personal case. Cyntoia held onto this desire to help others and obviously still does today.
Cyntoia eventually meets her future husband as a penpal in prison who helps her become a follower of the Christian God. Through the hard work of everyone involved, Cyntoia eventually finds clemency and goes home on probation.
-End summary with spoilers about Cyntoia's story-
In the beginning of the book, we get a glimpse of Cyntoia's initial court experience in which she prays, "God, if you let me out of here, I'll tell the whole world about you." Cyntoia explains that she did not believe in God because no God would allow her to be in her circumstances and no God ever answered her prayers for help. By the end of the book, she is giving God credit for almost everything.
I have to admit, I started to get irritated when the God talk went from mentions of gratitude throughout the story to his presence dominating the entire thing. There were so many people who worked so hard for Cyntoia to help her find clemency, yet she focuses almost solely on God giving her a miracle. I am an atheist, but that doesn't mean I don't see the value religion has in peoples lives and culture. I am glad that Cyntoia found a faith that works for her and has shared her truth through this book. I just have a very hard time seeing a deity be given the credit while the people doing the actual work end up as a paragraph at the end of her acknowledgements. I do not understand how she sees all of her negative experiences were part of some divine plan when she is able to get out. Most people never achieve what Cyntoia has and logic follows that their suffering is also part of God's plan. I can't get behind that. But, it doesn't matter so much what I believe because this is Cyntoia's story and this is what mattered to her. It gives us insight to where she is today.
When Cyntoia comes home to the place that her new husband has lovingly stocked with everything she wanted, she does mention that it feels unfair that so many others will not have the same thing. She still attributes it to God's miracle bestowed upon her. Her husband Jaime undoubtedly played a huge part in that, going very heavy handed with the God talk from the moment they began corresponding. I understand how she ended up at the belief system she did.
Overall, Cyntoia's memoir is a very interesting read. I believe this book will also clear up a lot of misconceptions people have about her and her case. She is a highly responsible- perhaps too responsible- woman who has become very knowledgeable caring. I hope her book helps people in similar situations get out alive or at least know that they are not alone.
This was also posted to my blog.
November 19, 2019
A very well written book! Definitely a must read for EVERYONE!
⠀
I’m sure by now you’ve heard her story. A victim of sex trafficking, at the young age of 16, Cyntoia Brown was sentenced to life in prison for killing a man that picked her up for sex. After serving 15 years of her sentence, Cyntoia was released from prison when she was granted clemency on January 7, 2019 by outgoing Tennessee Governor Bill Haslam.
⠀
Let me say, if you’re thinking you don’t need to read this book because you’ve already watched the documentary...you are wrong. This book takes you much deeper into Cyntoia’s life. I watched the documentary for the 1st time while reading the book, and it allowed me to gain a even deeper understanding of her nightmarish story.
⠀
Free Cyntoia reads like a fiction novel. I was completely flabbergasted as I read everything this young woman had experienced in life.
⠀
Never at any time does she claim to be innocent or an angel as she writes about her delinquent past. (And I must admit, as a mother, there were moments in her story that I found her level of defiance extremely frustrating). She gives the reader a play-by-play description of what was going on in her mind and in her life before, during, and after, that horrific night when she shot and killed 43 year old Johnny Allen.
⠀
What touched me most about this book is how it progresses from the story of a young girl with a troubled past, to a powerful message of redemption and faith. Cyntoia’s narrative is a wonderful testament to the amazing transforming power of God.
⠀
This was such a good book I really had a hard time putting it down. A real life cautionary tale, Free Cyntoia is an excellent book for teen girls struggling with following the guidance of authority figures. Reading this story just may scare them straight!
⠀
I’m sure by now you’ve heard her story. A victim of sex trafficking, at the young age of 16, Cyntoia Brown was sentenced to life in prison for killing a man that picked her up for sex. After serving 15 years of her sentence, Cyntoia was released from prison when she was granted clemency on January 7, 2019 by outgoing Tennessee Governor Bill Haslam.
⠀
Let me say, if you’re thinking you don’t need to read this book because you’ve already watched the documentary...you are wrong. This book takes you much deeper into Cyntoia’s life. I watched the documentary for the 1st time while reading the book, and it allowed me to gain a even deeper understanding of her nightmarish story.
⠀
Free Cyntoia reads like a fiction novel. I was completely flabbergasted as I read everything this young woman had experienced in life.
⠀
Never at any time does she claim to be innocent or an angel as she writes about her delinquent past. (And I must admit, as a mother, there were moments in her story that I found her level of defiance extremely frustrating). She gives the reader a play-by-play description of what was going on in her mind and in her life before, during, and after, that horrific night when she shot and killed 43 year old Johnny Allen.
⠀
What touched me most about this book is how it progresses from the story of a young girl with a troubled past, to a powerful message of redemption and faith. Cyntoia’s narrative is a wonderful testament to the amazing transforming power of God.
⠀
This was such a good book I really had a hard time putting it down. A real life cautionary tale, Free Cyntoia is an excellent book for teen girls struggling with following the guidance of authority figures. Reading this story just may scare them straight!
April 3, 2020
I would give this a 3 1/2 star if I could. An autobiography from a woman who was sex trafficked, abused and used as a teenager, and then she murdered one of the men who bought her one night. At 16 years old she was sentenced to life in prison, the next 15 years in prison was a true metamorphosis in her life as she went from a self serving, angry, impulsive child to a refined, educated, self controlled woman. She grew up and wound up getting a second chance at life as a result. She is now advocating for American prison reform and for victims of sex trafficking. This book did give me a different look into a system I’m not familiar with and reminded me about the importance of looking at the inside and second chances. My issue was I never felt real repentance about the murder. She said she felt bad, but then it just seemed like a lot of justification of why her poor behavior for the majority of her life was ok. That made the book hard for me to read, which is why I didn’t give it a higher rating.
October 27, 2019
Almost speechless......
I am wiping tears, seriously as I type these words. Cynthia's life easily could have been mine ! As I started this book i kept thinking.....this could have been me, this could have been me.....i am certain that this book will affect others in such an impactful manner that it isn't even funny !! College students will read this book for classes they are taking and it WILL be utilized for research regarding human trafficking. Period !
I am wiping tears, seriously as I type these words. Cynthia's life easily could have been mine ! As I started this book i kept thinking.....this could have been me, this could have been me.....i am certain that this book will affect others in such an impactful manner that it isn't even funny !! College students will read this book for classes they are taking and it WILL be utilized for research regarding human trafficking. Period !
April 7, 2020
The story was okay, I think any story of redemption is commendable but Cyntoia’s attitude throughout the book and her making repeated dumb decisions left me feeling like the story wasn’t worth reading.
February 3, 2020
Meh. Not my jam at all. Cyntoia was hard to like even after her "redemption." It was hard to be sympathetic for her story.
Read
March 28, 2021Linda a história. Inspiradora.
November 24, 2019
There is something to be gained from the good and bad of our life stories. Peaks and valleys define our journey and Cyntoia Brown-Long's story is no different. For me, reading her memoir was like witnessing a transformation of a lost girl into a woman on a mission to reform to judicial system's treatment of minor girls beginning with her experience. I admire Brown-Long's writing because she never comes across as self righteous or smug. She recalled her ordeal as being sexually trafficked with clarity and unabashed honesty.
There are some takeaways that I think are important for understanding her story and the concept of human trafficking in general. For one, most of the time when one hears about sex trafficking there's a smuggling or kidnapping aspect presented. That is not always the case as Brown-Long's story shows that she thought she was in love and this was a way to prove her worth to her "boyfriend". This is a moment where if one is honest they may ask how do I define my value? Is it by accomplishments, approval of other people, career, perceived wealth or lack thereof? For children, are they valued more if they fit a certain description such as being the child of someone society deems worthy of respect? What about in a school setting where a child does not conform to standards? At what point does it become obvious that punishment isn't solving the problem and a new approach is needed? It's easy to point fingers and play the blame game as a reader, but it's not productive so...
I won't call this a criticism but I thought it was questionable how Jaime (her husband) was presented as the catalyst to her acceptance of God. I'm always a little leery of placing that kind of responsibility on a person. It just seems a little too much a fairy tale ending, maybe the word I'm looking for is saccharine.I also realize that people come into our lives to serve a purpose so maybe I'm being a little harsh. I'm thrilled that Cyntoia Brown-Long is free, happy, and is making moves to reform the judicial system. Her story is not for the faint of heart and I do think it's an example of something that man meant for evil that God meant for good. Trusting in His timing is key and that is a lesson that never gets old.
Passages I think are important:
"God, I said, back in my cell, curled up in my yellow jumpsuit, if you let me out of here, I'll tell the whole world about you" (xvii)
"More than anything, I wanted to belong. I wanted to sit down a group of friends and feel like I was accepted for who I was, that I didn't have to try to fit in. But it didn't happen. I felt awkward and alone" (5).
"Maybe their opinions don't count. But what about mine? I wasn't ready to accept that I didn't have to prove my value. After all, I was the one who had screwed up every opportunity that was ever handed to me. I'm the one who walked away from Mommy, who let men tell me how much I was worth. I'm the one who killed somebody, who got myself condemned to life. There had to be more, and I had to show myself. I dreamed of getting into Lipscomb, acing my classes, and proving to everyone how smart I was. Once I got that diploma, everyone would see I was worth more than my life sentence let on. I wouldn't let myself be thrown away. I would make something of myself, whether anyone believed I could or not" (167).
"Until this point, I've been captive to so many unfulfilling roles-outcast Cyntoia, delinquent Cyntoia, convict Cyntoia, heathen Cyntoia. Now I am exactly who and what the Lord called me to be: free Cyntoia" (297).
There are some takeaways that I think are important for understanding her story and the concept of human trafficking in general. For one, most of the time when one hears about sex trafficking there's a smuggling or kidnapping aspect presented. That is not always the case as Brown-Long's story shows that she thought she was in love and this was a way to prove her worth to her "boyfriend". This is a moment where if one is honest they may ask how do I define my value? Is it by accomplishments, approval of other people, career, perceived wealth or lack thereof? For children, are they valued more if they fit a certain description such as being the child of someone society deems worthy of respect? What about in a school setting where a child does not conform to standards? At what point does it become obvious that punishment isn't solving the problem and a new approach is needed? It's easy to point fingers and play the blame game as a reader, but it's not productive so...
I won't call this a criticism but I thought it was questionable how Jaime (her husband) was presented as the catalyst to her acceptance of God. I'm always a little leery of placing that kind of responsibility on a person. It just seems a little too much a fairy tale ending, maybe the word I'm looking for is saccharine.I also realize that people come into our lives to serve a purpose so maybe I'm being a little harsh. I'm thrilled that Cyntoia Brown-Long is free, happy, and is making moves to reform the judicial system. Her story is not for the faint of heart and I do think it's an example of something that man meant for evil that God meant for good. Trusting in His timing is key and that is a lesson that never gets old.
Passages I think are important:
"God, I said, back in my cell, curled up in my yellow jumpsuit, if you let me out of here, I'll tell the whole world about you" (xvii)
"More than anything, I wanted to belong. I wanted to sit down a group of friends and feel like I was accepted for who I was, that I didn't have to try to fit in. But it didn't happen. I felt awkward and alone" (5).
"Maybe their opinions don't count. But what about mine? I wasn't ready to accept that I didn't have to prove my value. After all, I was the one who had screwed up every opportunity that was ever handed to me. I'm the one who walked away from Mommy, who let men tell me how much I was worth. I'm the one who killed somebody, who got myself condemned to life. There had to be more, and I had to show myself. I dreamed of getting into Lipscomb, acing my classes, and proving to everyone how smart I was. Once I got that diploma, everyone would see I was worth more than my life sentence let on. I wouldn't let myself be thrown away. I would make something of myself, whether anyone believed I could or not" (167).
"Until this point, I've been captive to so many unfulfilling roles-outcast Cyntoia, delinquent Cyntoia, convict Cyntoia, heathen Cyntoia. Now I am exactly who and what the Lord called me to be: free Cyntoia" (297).
March 13, 2020
Watching a YouTube documentary is one thing, reading about someone via social media is another thing, but reading their story in their words is totally different experience. This book took me on an in depth ride of Cyntoia's journey. It was a bumpy road filled with adolescent rebellion from her that sometimes had me ready to cry while reading, and unconditional love from her mom. She made mistakes that ultimately led to the night that would change the course of her young life, but all in all through these words I see a beautiful soul and add to that the man God sent for her.......YES! This story is something young girls need to know about. Trafficking is real. Grown men pretending to love or like young girls to pimp them is real. But, change is real, growth is real, and God is real. I believe Cyntoia can and will change a lot of lives as she settles into a new life and begins to help teens. There is no better teacher than the one with firsthand experience. I am so happy for her. This is my favorite book so far this year.
November 29, 2019
I originally gave this a three star rating, not because the story wasn’t compelling, but because it wasn’t a page turner. What I found challenging here is a combination of me expecting to find a book that I would devour, and instead finding myself stopping to think. I couldn't help pondering the themes of justice in the juvenile system, what it means to redeem yourself and forgive yourself, and of course, the presence of god.
I should probably preface this by saying I am not a believer. Not that I don’t believe a god exists, just that I do not affiliate myself with any religion in particular, I rarely if ever pray, and I don’t believe in godly miracles. But parts of this book had me thinking. And that is an outstanding thing for someone like me to say. While I remain a-religious today, there were messages in this book that stayed with me, and for that I gave this book a 4 star rating.
I should probably preface this by saying I am not a believer. Not that I don’t believe a god exists, just that I do not affiliate myself with any religion in particular, I rarely if ever pray, and I don’t believe in godly miracles. But parts of this book had me thinking. And that is an outstanding thing for someone like me to say. While I remain a-religious today, there were messages in this book that stayed with me, and for that I gave this book a 4 star rating.
January 6, 2022
I've followed Cyntoia's story from the beginning and always wondered why she was given life. I never understood how a 16 year old female, with a 43 year old male who was trolling deserved a life sentence. Especially since she always stated she killed him. While living(in a hotel), making and giving money, to her 24 year old boyfriend/pimp, "Kut - Throat"
Her book adequately shows how she was streamlined from school(gifted student)to the prison pipeline. Plus, the impact of fetal alcohol syndrome, while in utero. Glad she made the decision to change her life. Redemption is the best turn around possible.
Couldn't get into the book. Listening to Cyntoia narrator took me a moment getting use to but she did well.
Her book adequately shows how she was streamlined from school(gifted student)to the prison pipeline. Plus, the impact of fetal alcohol syndrome, while in utero. Glad she made the decision to change her life. Redemption is the best turn around possible.
Couldn't get into the book. Listening to Cyntoia narrator took me a moment getting use to but she did well.
January 23, 2020
The book is interesting and inspiring, but there are two major problems. The first one should be a problem for all readers. Cyntoia leaves out important information like exactly how she killed the man who picked her up for sex. It's not clear if she was blacked out or if she's just leaving out details so that she will seem more sympathetic. She also doesn't tell us exactly how she ended up with her black family and who her father is. I assume he is black since her mother is apparently white. She makes an issue out of how being called white (she doesn't look white in her pictures, but she's certainly lighter than her adopted family) bothered her, so knowing exactly who her father is and what his and her mother's racial identities are should be important to all readers. The other problem bothers me personally. Cyntoia's story is really about men--the men who abused and mistreated her and the men (if you include God and the governor) who saved her. As she points out, most prisoners don't have a beautiful new house and a loving spouse to take care of them when they're set free. I would like to know more about her good looking husband Jaime, who was driving a Bentley when he contacted her. He seems too good to be true. In fact, the book sets up an angel/devil view of men. Kut is the devil, and Jaime is the angel. Her two mothers--biological mother Gina and adopted mother Mommy--are treated similarly, but this book is really about the men in Cyntoia's life. I wish her well, but I worry about her. What if Jaime falls in love with another woman or turns out to be not quite as angelic as he appears to be (why does he have trouble sleeping, for instance)?
December 23, 2019
What I thought would be a story of a trafficking victim"s fight for freedom after being sentenced to life at 16 for killing the man who bought her for sex turned out to be an amazing story of faith. I followed her story in the media and celebrated her release, but I never quite knew all she had been through as a child. The fact that she grew into a strong woman of faith is such a testimony. I couldn't put this book down.
To hear her talk about finding God behind bars and how her newfound faith in Christ gave her purpose made me tear up. To see how God spoke to her in her dreams was inspiring and I was in awe over her newfound relationship with her future husband. How blessed she is to have someone who would encourage her in her faith and who was willing to fight on his knees for her. I'm jealous! An inspiring memoir that proves that your past does not define you and that even in your darkest days, God's light can shine through you.
To hear her talk about finding God behind bars and how her newfound faith in Christ gave her purpose made me tear up. To see how God spoke to her in her dreams was inspiring and I was in awe over her newfound relationship with her future husband. How blessed she is to have someone who would encourage her in her faith and who was willing to fight on his knees for her. I'm jealous! An inspiring memoir that proves that your past does not define you and that even in your darkest days, God's light can shine through you.
October 31, 2019
Excellent book!!!
Cyntoia Brown-Long gives her account of her life and how she was trafficked for sex but had no idea what she had been put through truly until after she was already sentenced to life in prison after killing a man who sought out to abuse her when she was 16 years old. She had been called a "teen prostitute" instead of a trafficking victim. She tells about her time in prison, how she worked hard to get a degree, found Jesus, found love, and was given freedom! What a captivating story and amazing journey! I am glad that her book came out so quickly too after her freedom, so I could learn more about her life. It is crazy to think how many petitions were signed for this to happen, and she totally deserved it!
Cyntoia Brown-Long gives her account of her life and how she was trafficked for sex but had no idea what she had been put through truly until after she was already sentenced to life in prison after killing a man who sought out to abuse her when she was 16 years old. She had been called a "teen prostitute" instead of a trafficking victim. She tells about her time in prison, how she worked hard to get a degree, found Jesus, found love, and was given freedom! What a captivating story and amazing journey! I am glad that her book came out so quickly too after her freedom, so I could learn more about her life. It is crazy to think how many petitions were signed for this to happen, and she totally deserved it!
December 8, 2019
I really enjoyed this book!! A must read.
May 24, 2020
Too much god
February 18, 2022
I remember when #FreeCyntoia was being shared by major celebrities, but I didn’t know much about her story outside of the memes until I listened to a true crime podcast episode about her, and another young woman who is still incarcerated for a similar situation.
When Cyntoia was 16 years old, she shot and killed a man in self defense. At the time, she didn’t realize she was a victim of sex trafficking by a man she thought she loved and that he loved her. In reality, he was her pimp and groomed her to live a lifetime that put her in the position to be a victim and to have to murder someone in self defense.
In 2019, at the age of 31 and after spending over 15 years in prison, Cyntoia was released and her sentence was commuted. While she was incarcerated, she truly changed as a human, was rehabilitated, educated herself and found ways to help other women who were also in her position as a young woman. She found true love with a man who respected her, and through that love, she found faith.
Cyntoia’s story and her case and crime are very complicated, but through her words, we realize it maybe doesn’t have to be, and reform truly needs to happen…not only with the American Prison system, but also with sex work, grooming, and trying children as adults.
I found her experience enlightening and it was so powerful to hear her tell me this story through the audio. There is quite a bit about her faith journey and how she gained so much strength from her faith, but ultimately Cyntoia’s story is about how we all can change and that no one should be considered a lost cause. She encourages everyone to become more active and to take steps in reforming systems around us that cause further harm in the name of justice.
I highly recommend this book and plan to look into local advocacy work as well as criminal justice reform in my local area and to see how I can champion reform and rehabilitation in my own community.
When Cyntoia was 16 years old, she shot and killed a man in self defense. At the time, she didn’t realize she was a victim of sex trafficking by a man she thought she loved and that he loved her. In reality, he was her pimp and groomed her to live a lifetime that put her in the position to be a victim and to have to murder someone in self defense.
In 2019, at the age of 31 and after spending over 15 years in prison, Cyntoia was released and her sentence was commuted. While she was incarcerated, she truly changed as a human, was rehabilitated, educated herself and found ways to help other women who were also in her position as a young woman. She found true love with a man who respected her, and through that love, she found faith.
Cyntoia’s story and her case and crime are very complicated, but through her words, we realize it maybe doesn’t have to be, and reform truly needs to happen…not only with the American Prison system, but also with sex work, grooming, and trying children as adults.
I found her experience enlightening and it was so powerful to hear her tell me this story through the audio. There is quite a bit about her faith journey and how she gained so much strength from her faith, but ultimately Cyntoia’s story is about how we all can change and that no one should be considered a lost cause. She encourages everyone to become more active and to take steps in reforming systems around us that cause further harm in the name of justice.
I highly recommend this book and plan to look into local advocacy work as well as criminal justice reform in my local area and to see how I can champion reform and rehabilitation in my own community.
January 4, 2022
This was a very heart wrenching and informative memoir. I originally heard of Cyntoia Brown through my favorite podcast, My Favorite Murder, and I knew I wanted to listen to her memoir right away. Her story is so captivating. Starting with her life as a child and how she was bullied in school, to her making poor decisions as a preteen/teenager, and then finally her life in prison. It’s unique to hear how just small decisions can greatly impact your life. It felt like little pieces here and there finally led to her going to prison. Hearing about her time with Cut, and how he trafficked her, was intense. I felt so bad for Cyntoia. She has such a great heart but could not break the cycle. I really enjoyed learning about the justice system, too. It makes me wonder how many women are in jail without even being given a second chance for crimes they have committed for self defense.. I will be watching the Netflix documentary, but with an open mind, because the documentary wasn’t even on Cyntoia’a radar until there was a release date.. crazy! Highly recommend for anyone who enjoys true crime or just needs a great memoir to listen too.
** consumed fully on audio.
** consumed fully on audio.
November 30, 2020
Wow, what a story.
Cyntoia Brown's story is heartbreaking to follow - a sixteen-year-old victimized by drugs, rape, sex trafficking, and most disgustingly, the justice system. Cyntoia is a tragic example of the failure of a system we have in place - one that has consistently failed to protect women and people of color from being exploited. It is, frankly, infuriating.
This is a tremendous narrative of redemption, freedom, and the overwhelming presence of God. I don't think this book is at all a sappy Jesus-tell-all, but near the end, it does subtly display Brown's journey with her faith in a manner in which I appreciated. Even if you are not a believer, I think anyone can appreciate the significant personal growth in this book.
There were messages in this book that stayed with me, and I can't help but feel overwhelmed with pride for Mrs. Brown. I am so in awe of Cyntoia, not from a place of pity, but of power. If you're interested in the reformation of our justice system - or lack thereof - then I strongly recommend this.
Cyntoia Brown's story is heartbreaking to follow - a sixteen-year-old victimized by drugs, rape, sex trafficking, and most disgustingly, the justice system. Cyntoia is a tragic example of the failure of a system we have in place - one that has consistently failed to protect women and people of color from being exploited. It is, frankly, infuriating.
This is a tremendous narrative of redemption, freedom, and the overwhelming presence of God. I don't think this book is at all a sappy Jesus-tell-all, but near the end, it does subtly display Brown's journey with her faith in a manner in which I appreciated. Even if you are not a believer, I think anyone can appreciate the significant personal growth in this book.
There were messages in this book that stayed with me, and I can't help but feel overwhelmed with pride for Mrs. Brown. I am so in awe of Cyntoia, not from a place of pity, but of power. If you're interested in the reformation of our justice system - or lack thereof - then I strongly recommend this.
Read
June 26, 2023(Disclaimer: I don't give star ratings to memoirs)
If you live in America, chances are you have heard about Cyntoia Brown. I remember feeling so incredibly sad for this girl and signing every petition I came across for her freedom. The media only showed a fraction of what she actually went through; the justice system is truly corrupt.
I am so happy she got her second chance in life, that she found God, and had her family and husband to help guide her.
After everything she's been through, she deserves nothing but peace.
If you live in America, chances are you have heard about Cyntoia Brown. I remember feeling so incredibly sad for this girl and signing every petition I came across for her freedom. The media only showed a fraction of what she actually went through; the justice system is truly corrupt.
I am so happy she got her second chance in life, that she found God, and had her family and husband to help guide her.
After everything she's been through, she deserves nothing but peace.
August 19, 2021
Reading this her story had me in tears from beginning to end . I never been in sex trafficking but I know the feeling when some one takes your innocence away you feel dirty and not wanted. After you been hurt by people it hard trust people because you think everyone is out to hurt you. I glad she got her freedom. We need to stop the sex traffic on our young girls
August 27, 2020
Phenomenal, challenging, beautiful story of Cyntoia Brown-Long...my very same age, grew up in the same city but lived a very different life from me for many years. Now a sister in Christ, a living testimony, and a bomb-ass truth teller, liberator, and voice for Jesus. Cyntoia’s story will break your heart, open your eyes up, and lead you to hope even in the impossible. Thank you for sharing your story with the world sister! May God continue to be glorified!!
December 30, 2019
I'm still playing catch up on reading, but really is there a schedule? Just enjoy it, right? So here I am finsihing Free Cyntoia, a November read, in December. An #ourstory selection in the book club. Per the usual, a brief synopsis.
You may not know about Cyntoia Brown-Long. Perhaps you don't follow any social media platform, care about viral stories, or pay attention to some mainstream media outlets. Whatever the reason, Cyntoia may very well be in the future generations history books. She presents a candid picture of her life, the mistakes she made, and how it determined a good portion of her adulthood. Of course we know she was granted clemency by the Governor of Tennessee but what we don't know is how this even became her hail-mary moment. That of course you must read to find out for yourself.
What spoke to my soul? One would think probably nothing. How could someone who led such a life speak to my soul? Well, as I read about the early years of her life, it became apparent how important familial communication is. Would this have changed the trajectory of her life, we will never know. What I do know is effective communication can make a world of difference in the paths we each take. What's the saying, "closed mouths don't get fed". Opening your mouth could in some instances mean life or death. So in those not so critical life moments, be sure to exercise the gift of communication, so in the crucial moments you are better prepared.
The next idea that spoke to my soul is the dire need for change in the so-called prison reform system. If you put people in a situation of no hope, what do they have to live for? What incentive is there for them to change? Don't get me wrong, some people may never be reformed. But who am I to judge who will or will not. We all make mistakes, some worse than others, but where would you be if someone didn't forgive you and acknowledge your reformation?
The final idea that spoke to my soul is very personal. I read with multiple purposes: stress reliever, personal growth, research for my events, and fun of course! Of late, my book selections have revealed further to me my path. January 7, 2019 is a life-altering date for both Cyntoia and myself. How do I link the reading to revealing my path. It took great faith on Cyntoia's part to trust not only the process but what God had in store for her. In moments of doubt, remember faith the size of a mustard grain seed is enough!
As always,
#Happy Reading
Tracey Robinson
Words For The Soul Book Club
You may not know about Cyntoia Brown-Long. Perhaps you don't follow any social media platform, care about viral stories, or pay attention to some mainstream media outlets. Whatever the reason, Cyntoia may very well be in the future generations history books. She presents a candid picture of her life, the mistakes she made, and how it determined a good portion of her adulthood. Of course we know she was granted clemency by the Governor of Tennessee but what we don't know is how this even became her hail-mary moment. That of course you must read to find out for yourself.
What spoke to my soul? One would think probably nothing. How could someone who led such a life speak to my soul? Well, as I read about the early years of her life, it became apparent how important familial communication is. Would this have changed the trajectory of her life, we will never know. What I do know is effective communication can make a world of difference in the paths we each take. What's the saying, "closed mouths don't get fed". Opening your mouth could in some instances mean life or death. So in those not so critical life moments, be sure to exercise the gift of communication, so in the crucial moments you are better prepared.
The next idea that spoke to my soul is the dire need for change in the so-called prison reform system. If you put people in a situation of no hope, what do they have to live for? What incentive is there for them to change? Don't get me wrong, some people may never be reformed. But who am I to judge who will or will not. We all make mistakes, some worse than others, but where would you be if someone didn't forgive you and acknowledge your reformation?
The final idea that spoke to my soul is very personal. I read with multiple purposes: stress reliever, personal growth, research for my events, and fun of course! Of late, my book selections have revealed further to me my path. January 7, 2019 is a life-altering date for both Cyntoia and myself. How do I link the reading to revealing my path. It took great faith on Cyntoia's part to trust not only the process but what God had in store for her. In moments of doubt, remember faith the size of a mustard grain seed is enough!
As always,
#Happy Reading
Tracey Robinson
Words For The Soul Book Club
October 27, 2020
I started this book feeling only sympathy toward this young woman who I understood had been tragically sentenced to a life in prison for killing a man who was raping her as she was being sex-trafficked. I supported her being paroled. Now that I have read about half of her story, as she is telling it herself, I am terrified this young woman will hurt others if she doesn't get help for her violent tendencies. She describes a childhood in which she is adopted by a loving couple who treat her well and are mystified when she starts getting into trouble in school. The problem is that Cyntoia also seems to be mystified by her own behaviors. She keeps saying "I don't know," when people ask her why she has behaved badly -- and it truly seems that even now she still has no idea what really motivated her acting out. She says she feels excluded by other children because of her skin being lighter than that of her peers, but that hardly explains why she throws a large rock at a child and splits her head open in grade school nor why she becomes increasingly violent with other children. By the time she is 13, she is a drug-using, sexually wild teenager expelled from schools, her family homes, and even juvenile incarceration. At this point in the story, I gave up, as she seemed still to be taking no responsibility for anything that happened to her and seemed to feel "wanting her freedom" justified her running away and living on the streets. I would love to know if there is any kind of redemptive arc in this book. Does she have a big breakthrough in self-awareness??
September 24, 2020
This is a really good memoir, better than I expected. I listened to the audiobook which is read by the author and Cyntoia is a great reader. I remember seeing viral posts on tumblr and Twitter abt her over the years and becoming interested in her story (but not necessarily following it, I haven’t seen the pbs film) and I even cried when she was granted clemency bc they story and images of her had been stuck with me for years.
It’s really tragic and sick to hear abt her experiences in prisons and mental health facilities, but so important that we hear from incarcerated & formerly incarcerated people. Most people do leave prisons and there are so many support systems and social services that need to be in place for them while they are incarcerated and when they are released.
If you want all the tea abt her crime, it’s not in here. There’s like 1 sentence abt her killing him and no real explanation for why. And it is very religious, god is responsible for everything according to her and her husband. And that’s great and I’m happy for them but I’m not religious nor do I want to be. So if I was not listening to the audiobook I would’ve just skimmed over that..
It’s really tragic and sick to hear abt her experiences in prisons and mental health facilities, but so important that we hear from incarcerated & formerly incarcerated people. Most people do leave prisons and there are so many support systems and social services that need to be in place for them while they are incarcerated and when they are released.
If you want all the tea abt her crime, it’s not in here. There’s like 1 sentence abt her killing him and no real explanation for why. And it is very religious, god is responsible for everything according to her and her husband. And that’s great and I’m happy for them but I’m not religious nor do I want to be. So if I was not listening to the audiobook I would’ve just skimmed over that..
July 13, 2020
At the age of 12 Cyntoia Brown began a downward spiral that she couldn't get out of. Thinking she was finding love, she was trafficked until the age of 16 when she killed a man. She claimed self defense, but was charged as an adult for murder. Serving a life sentence Cyntoia is determined to turn her life around and get out of jail.
I had heard a lot about this book from many different people. I didn't really know her story though until the book came out.
Cyntoia was a troubled young lady. Her biological mother was into drugs and so she was adopted. Her adopted family loved her and did everything they could for her, but there was still something inside her that made her act out and do things she shouldn't have been doing. At a young age, she was pimped out by men who she thought loved her.
It took a long time for Cyntoia to love herself and stop being so destructive with her life. In the end, it was a long hard road, that she made it to the end of. Today she is still fighting for women's rights in sex trafficking.
I had heard a lot about this book from many different people. I didn't really know her story though until the book came out.
Cyntoia was a troubled young lady. Her biological mother was into drugs and so she was adopted. Her adopted family loved her and did everything they could for her, but there was still something inside her that made her act out and do things she shouldn't have been doing. At a young age, she was pimped out by men who she thought loved her.
It took a long time for Cyntoia to love herself and stop being so destructive with her life. In the end, it was a long hard road, that she made it to the end of. Today she is still fighting for women's rights in sex trafficking.
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