It feels a little wrong to be typing this out on my computer-- but the thesis of the book isn't no screens at all--it's to be more mindful of screen use & the benefits of unplugging one day a week so I will give myself grace. This was the first actionable book I've read around limiting screen time, written in an accessible, thoughtful and compelling way. Tech Shabbat is a concept the author has used in her own life, and now implemented in her family for over a decade with great results. They go offline/off all screens from 6 pm Friday to 6 pm Saturday (of course a few things pop up a year that get in the way, but for the most part this is a weekly ritual.), starting the fast with a communal meal that they invite various friends and family too.
As someone who has no children, but would like to have kids someday, and has thought about the challenge of raising kids in this screen-heavy era, this feels like an idea that has substance, and if started early enough, would just be part of their life.
To be clear, this is not a mainstream idea-- the author's family has a landline in case of emergencies, they have to print out maps and designate meeting places when they have plans on Saturday-- so there are inconveniences to living this way-- but she makes a compelling argument & her teenage daughters voices are heard in the book too-- that the benefits are worth it.
I don't know at what point in my life I will be able to fully implement this idea. I live away from my family & boyfriend and I want to be able to communicate with them and the sheer fact of leaving my phone on, opens me up to all the other things my phone can do for me. But until I'm in a job & place where the official tech day off is reasonable-- I will resolve to shutting my phone off more when I'm home and all the people I love are already there. Or when I go on walks with my mom or boyfriend. Or when I go to bed at night when I don't need to be anywhere the next day & leaving it off as long as possible.
I often give 5 stars to non-fiction that altered my perspective of the world. For me, this book did just that. I put a bunch of sticky-tabs in and I will record some of the quotes below. This is a book I need to purchase so I can refer to it again in the future.
"Suicide rates are higher than they have ever been among the general public, and researchers are asking if frequent social media and internet use may be a factor. Doctors who spend more time interfacing with medical reporting software than talking with patients burn out at much higher rates. Other studies show that a lack of empathy and Internet addiction are closely linked." p 89
"Let's remember the meaning of 'screen' is 'filter'. All the social media on our screens is filtered--sometimes literally, sometimes figuratively. It's always, in some way, distorted, edited, reshaped." p. 96
"While parents have always worried, we're definitely in new terrain. We're also now worrying that our kids are too risk averse. In more privileged social strata, there seems to be a trend in raising a generation that's delaying adulthood. Fewer teens are getting driver's licenses or after-school jobs. Kids are so preoccupied with their smartphones that they aren't even dating. Instead of sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll, it's become vape, text, Snap and scroll." p. 105
"My father, who was found of quoting Sophocles, used to say,'Nothing vast enters the life of mortals without a curse.' Digital technology may be new, but massive cultural change isn't, and our role as parents stays the same: to do our best to guide our children through a shifting world." p 114
"One click leads to another, by design, and all of it is directed by someone else: the software engineer or the media giant or the advertiser or the Instagram poster who's giving you FOMO or the manipulative bot army of another government. It has all been designed to lure us in, based on everything it knows about us. And it knows alot." p 128
"My favorite memories of my mom are of her snuggled in bed surrounded by anything a curious person could want: a pile of books, reading glasses, pens to underline and highlight, a collection of different notepads with vintage postcards stuck on their covers--some for words she likes, one for quotes, another for ideas--and a glass jar of lemon drops. These are the tools she uses to preserve bits of wisdom or observations that will endure, like fossils, long after everything else is gone." p 139
"I started doing Tech Shabbats after the intense period when I lost my father and had Blooma within days. It was as if life grabbed me by the shoulders, stared into my eyes and said, 'Figure out what's important!' Here's the thing that's fascinating to me, nearly a decade after my father's death: he is now infinite to me. While we are all human, falliable, imperfect beings who are works in progress, if we attempt to live meaningful and purposeful lives and are present for those we love, we can live forever. Someone once told me: whenever y0u are doing something that the person you lost loved to do, you bring them back. So when I write this book in the darkness of five a.m., when my dad also loved to write; clap through tears at the end of a fantastic film in a packed theater; thrust my own finger and say, 'Tradition!' while eating bagel, lox, and cream cheese; or appreciate the family sitting around the table--all things he loved, he is with me." p 172
If you made it to the end of this review, you are incredible. Now read this book.