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Feedback (and Other Dirty Words): Why We Fear It, How to Fix It
A practical and irreverent guide to taking the sting out of feedback and reclaiming it as a motivating, empowering experience for everyone involved.
the mere mention of the word can make our blood pressure rise and our defenses go up. For many of us, it’s a dirty word that we associate with bias, politics, resentment, and self-doubt. However, if we take a step back and think about its true intent, we realize that feedback needn’t be a bad thing. After all, understanding how others experience us provides valuable opportunities to learn and grow.
Authors M. Tamra Chandler and Laura Grealish explain how feedback got such a bad rap and how to recognize and minimize the negative physical and emotional responses that can erode trust and shut down communication. They offer a new and more ambitious definition of feedback, explore the roles we each play as Seeker, Extender, and Receiver, and introduce the three Fs of making feedback focused, fair, and frequent. You’ll also find valuable exercises and strategies, along with real-world examples that illustrate how you can put these ideas into action and join in the movement to fix feedback, once and for all.
When it’s done right, feedback has been proven to be the most effective means of improving communication and performance for you and your organization. It’s too important to give up, and with Chandler and Grealish’s help, you’ll be able to use it deftly, equitably, and effectively.
“Feedback (and other Dirty Words) cuts straight to the chase on what you need to do to revolutionize feedback in your organization. If we all approached feedback in this way, business (and the world at large!) would indeed be a better place.” —Kathy O'Driscoll, vice president of People, Snowflake Computing Inc.
“Like it or probably not, people don't grow without feedback. Can you deliver feedback without closing people down? Chandler and Grealish give the tools and methods for making feedback feel good. Not only will Feedback (and Other Dirty Words) help you with your next performance conversation, it can transform your company culture to be more agile and enjoyable.” —Marcia Reynolds, PsyD, past president, International Coach Federation, and author of The Discomfort Zone
the mere mention of the word can make our blood pressure rise and our defenses go up. For many of us, it’s a dirty word that we associate with bias, politics, resentment, and self-doubt. However, if we take a step back and think about its true intent, we realize that feedback needn’t be a bad thing. After all, understanding how others experience us provides valuable opportunities to learn and grow.
Authors M. Tamra Chandler and Laura Grealish explain how feedback got such a bad rap and how to recognize and minimize the negative physical and emotional responses that can erode trust and shut down communication. They offer a new and more ambitious definition of feedback, explore the roles we each play as Seeker, Extender, and Receiver, and introduce the three Fs of making feedback focused, fair, and frequent. You’ll also find valuable exercises and strategies, along with real-world examples that illustrate how you can put these ideas into action and join in the movement to fix feedback, once and for all.
When it’s done right, feedback has been proven to be the most effective means of improving communication and performance for you and your organization. It’s too important to give up, and with Chandler and Grealish’s help, you’ll be able to use it deftly, equitably, and effectively.
“Feedback (and other Dirty Words) cuts straight to the chase on what you need to do to revolutionize feedback in your organization. If we all approached feedback in this way, business (and the world at large!) would indeed be a better place.” —Kathy O'Driscoll, vice president of People, Snowflake Computing Inc.
“Like it or probably not, people don't grow without feedback. Can you deliver feedback without closing people down? Chandler and Grealish give the tools and methods for making feedback feel good. Not only will Feedback (and Other Dirty Words) help you with your next performance conversation, it can transform your company culture to be more agile and enjoyable.” —Marcia Reynolds, PsyD, past president, International Coach Federation, and author of The Discomfort Zone
209 pages, Kindle Edition
Published June 18, 2019
48 people are currently reading
336 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews
August 14, 2023
Jeśli ktoś szuka podstaw do opanowania prawidłowej "informacji zwrotnej", to spokojnie może zacząć od tej książki. Autorka przedstawia swoją wizję feebacku, ale faktycznie to ma ona wiele wspólnego z metodą FUKO. Podstawą jest zaufanie i nastawienie na konstruktywne, budujące i jasne komunikaty. Informacja powinna rozwijać, więc należy tak ją skonstruować, by rzeczywiście motywowała do wzrostu.
August 22, 2019
I read this thanks to Blinkist.
boring
It’s funny though - after a book about feedback I get asked about feedback from Blinkist. Perfect timing 😉😉
The key message in these blinks:
For too many of us, feedback is a dirty word. When we think of feedback, we think of something gruesome. But it doesn’t have to be. When it’s done right, feedback can be the best driver of personal and business growth. By learning to make feedback frequent, fair and focused, we can minimize the fear and anxiety we feel about it, and turn it into a positive force for improvement.
Actionable advice:
Take the Implicit Association Test.
When we give or receive feedback, we are influenced by our own ingrained stereotypes and biases. To find out how strongly you are influenced by concepts such as sexuality or race, check out the Implicit Association Test, designed by researchers from universities including Harvard. It can be a really enlightening way to discover any influences that may prevent you from giving truly fair, bias-free feedback.
boring
It’s funny though - after a book about feedback I get asked about feedback from Blinkist. Perfect timing 😉😉
The key message in these blinks:
For too many of us, feedback is a dirty word. When we think of feedback, we think of something gruesome. But it doesn’t have to be. When it’s done right, feedback can be the best driver of personal and business growth. By learning to make feedback frequent, fair and focused, we can minimize the fear and anxiety we feel about it, and turn it into a positive force for improvement.
Actionable advice:
Take the Implicit Association Test.
When we give or receive feedback, we are influenced by our own ingrained stereotypes and biases. To find out how strongly you are influenced by concepts such as sexuality or race, check out the Implicit Association Test, designed by researchers from universities including Harvard. It can be a really enlightening way to discover any influences that may prevent you from giving truly fair, bias-free feedback.
January 12, 2023
I’m proud to say I have had the privilege of meeting and getting to know the authors (two very impressive and amazing individuals), which made reading this book even more enjoyable.
Tamra and Laura really persuade you how important of a topic feedback is, not only in our professional lives but even in our personal lives too. It’s a tough and difficult subject that most people prefer avoiding, but when it is done right, it creates a wonderful sense of trust, connection, and growth.
Tamra and Laura really persuade you how important of a topic feedback is, not only in our professional lives but even in our personal lives too. It’s a tough and difficult subject that most people prefer avoiding, but when it is done right, it creates a wonderful sense of trust, connection, and growth.
June 17, 2019
I’ll start by saying Chandler does a good job showing how we tend to bungle feedback – both when giving and when receiving it. She’s definitely researched the topic and offers good examples to back up her points. Anyone reading this should have a better understanding about why feedback is important and why we should strive to be more proactive in ensuring we use it and receive it wisely. My only beef with the book is a statement she makes about ditching various tools we use to create feedback opportunities. One such tool mentioned is the 360 survey. I might not think anything about it except she provides several positive references to the Zenger-Folkman research, which uses 360 feedback to measure extraordinary leadership. I’m a Zenger-Folkman believer, who thinks the work they’ve done is excellent. And, I think 360 surveys can be valuable tools. All in all, you’ll walk away with useful information about feedback. I received an ARC.
April 4, 2020
This is a great book. I tabbed a ton of points in this read and intend to use it in both my personal and professional life. We make a ton of assumptions and use these assumptions to drive both our actions and interactions with others. This is due to the mental stigmas we gain throughout life experiences. I love the way this author tied difficult topics such as neuroplasticity or ones ability to shape and change the human brain through experiences with the simple concept of chasing a growth mindset. We go through life "proving" ourselves and chasing false value. This is the cost of negative association of feedback to improvement. Overall a great book and easy read.
Highly recommend to anyone looking to improve mindset.
Highly recommend to anyone looking to improve mindset.
August 23, 2019
A guide to giving and receiving feedback.If you get vague statements, it is better to ask "could you share an example of when you noticed this?" or maybe "could you explain the impact this had?" or "what is the thing I should be doing more of?". So by seeking and making feedback frequent, and focused, we can turn it into a positive force for growth.
August 25, 2019
This book is an honest and clear view of feedback, why we fear it and how we can change this fear into useful information. A light, easy read with a poignant message for leaders and followers alike regardless of organization or position. It is the start of a movement to lessen our fear of feedback.
July 14, 2019
This is an excellent book to read if you are interested in growing either your team or yourself. I can genuinely say that it helped me with my view on feedback and gave me a lot of great tips I can use with the team.
February 5, 2020
I saw the author give a talk about the subject and liked it enough to buy the book.
I thought the ideas are great and expressed well. I recognized some of my own behaviors when she was talking about the current landscape of feedback and I'm excited to try some of the ideas out.
I thought the ideas are great and expressed well. I recognized some of my own behaviors when she was talking about the current landscape of feedback and I'm excited to try some of the ideas out.
February 18, 2022
Maybe it's because I read it in polish and was skeptical towards translation, but I didn't like this book really much. Still, when it comes to books abt feedback: Let's Talk by Therese Huston and Thanks for the feedback are my top ones!
July 24, 2019
This a great read on how most people view feedback. Good illustrations lined out with various scenarios. Good read overall.
July 7, 2020
A book that's not only about feedback but communication in general and the importance of it in everyday life. Magnificent read!!!
December 13, 2020
Short but useful for anyone wanting to embrace feedback as a tool to become a better leader, coworker, and employee.
December 23, 2020
Great read for feedback beginners. Quite boring beginning but then just the juicy recipies and hints on how to share and receive feedback. I highly recommend
April 10, 2021
Very practical
July 28, 2021
Great outlook and toolkit for changing the way we give and receive feedback.
August 20, 2023
Overall, the book has good insights on how to provide and receive feedback. What disappointed me is that I needed to go through half of the book to arrive at useful sections....
March 15, 2024
Nie odkrywczego
June 10, 2024
great book for learning how constructively give feedback in a workplace
Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews