Dandelion on My Pillow, Butcher Knife Beneath: The True Story of an Amazing Family that Lived with and Loved Kids who Killed

by Nancy Thomas, Beth Thomas, Terena Thomas

This shocking and thought provoking account is the true story of emotionally lost children and how some found their way back. Like a diamond in the rough, all of the kids who killed were tough and protected on the outside while hiding a glimmer of promise inside. For many of these children, the Thomases were their last hope. With the guidance of this courageous family, their stories of survival and victory break the unwritten code of silence about children without a conscience. Through therapeutic intervention comes the spellbinding metamorphosis of nine children. Although it stems from the deepest of human suffering, each shining triumph will leave you uplifted and celebrating life.

Genres: Nonfiction, True Crime, Psychology, Mental Health, Memoir, Adoption, Unfinished

302 pages, Paperback

First published October 1, 2002

Reviews

[Lonita Miller]

I'm not sure what I think of Nancy Thomas's therapy strategies... they seemed effective for a few of the children she worked with.

The stories of the children she fostered are tragic and heavy. Beware the horror of the abuse the children faced and then the way they abused/attempted murder. It's not an easy read.

[Jannia González]

DNF at 10%

This is too heartbreaking for me right now.

[Janiece]

A very tragic, heart-rending and disturbing true story, but one that gave me hope. Great book to for those who have children who have Reactive Attachment Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Behavior or a number of other difficult and scary behaviors.

It is also a good read for those who want to understand and help families raising these children or for those who want to understand the psyche and thought processes of some of those who have committed unthinkable crimes and seem to operate without a conscience and even a lust and joy in hurting others.

[Alex Andra]

incredible

Incredible. Such an amazing book. Special to hear perspectives not only from the person parenting children with attachment disorders but also the perspective of one of the children about her development.

[Theresa B]

Interesting enough content-wise, but she really should have gotten someone else to write it for her. I rolled my eyes way too many times at her saccharine tone (and grammatical errors/typos?) I guess I'd recommend for a child psychology class or something.

[Shannon Dyer]

Very disturbing, but very insightful as well.

[Bailey McDonald]

The love this family has to give to kids who suffer from traumatic pasts provides a sense of hope and a future for children who have developed RAD.

[Lily Livan]

3.5⭐️

[howsoonisnow]

The expose about Thomas's early life, is the key strength of this book. Particularly details of her early years trapped with two under two, in a severely physically abusive relationship. Those details were gripping and fascinating, alongside how she managed to escape the situation, and build her life from the ground up, whilst supporting an infant and a toddler. Interesting also, was the reveal of how she began her foray into working with disturbed children. It began with her seeking help from a neighbour, for the behaviours of her traumatised, disturbed, arsonist son. The narrative loses its power and honestly, when she details her actual work as a "therapeutic mom". She sounds self-righteous, judgemental, self-aggrandising, at parts creepy even (particularly her repetitive refrain that children need to be "respectful, responsible and fun to be around"). Her pompous and heavy-handed tone suggests to me that she is a narcissist, and is motivated to take on these damaged children, for her ego and sense of power/ control. The contributions of the infamous Beth Thomas (the child from the 90's HBO feature, 'Child of Rage'), felt flat and contrived to please and appease the author by flattering her, and corroborating her account. It lacked genuine honesty and insight into Beth's experience of her foster and eventual adoptive mother.

[Tiffany loves to read]

A stark reminder of the effects of neglect

[Mercurybard]

Tried to read this on the same recommedation of Tiny Titan and An Unlit Path, but where I could empathize with those mothers who were handed much greater burdens than anything could have prepared them for, I found little to empathize with Nancy Thomas about. Extremely preachy and sensationalist. I had seen reviews warning that this book was supportive of the Evergreen school of attachment therapy, which squicks me in a big way. What I did not expect was that the author is one of their theraputic foster parents and has written a handbook on parenting children with attachment disorders.

Yuck. I couldn't even finish the book, it was so lurid and holier-than-thou.

[Nunya B]

Nancy comes off as unstable and unable to take care of her own bio children, leaves you wondering why she took on all of these deeply disturbed children. The anxiety throughout the book is exhausting wondering how/when they’re gonna screw up next. This whole book left a bad taste in my mouth.

Also, she uses the word “R*tarded” A LOT..it was unnecessary.

[Sam Stotts]

Very helpful in regard to understanding and working with RAD kids, however I would love to see her work with a good editor.

[becky beyor]

I have to say, this inspired me to become a therapeutic mom, it is the best book I read as a child.

[Caelea]

As part of a family that has been raising two RAD siblings out of foster care, I needed this book simply to understand that there are many others out there. I appreciated author Nancy Thomas's candid honesty about what worked and where she felt she had failed. I know the Evergreen, CO Center For Attachment Therapy is shrouded in controversy following the death of a child several years ago, but when it seems like nothing else in the world is working and you literally have to lock your bedroom door at night because you don't feel safe in your own home, and you are just praying for relief, you'll try anything...so I read this with an open mind. The stories of her children do give me some hope for the future for kids in our house... I wish I could have helped proofread this book though, because all of the editing errors were distracting, but overall, good content. I didn't feel preached to...it was like reading about someone who has been there, and I appreciate that. Especially helpful was the short list at the back of helpful things to do for RAD caregivers. Her website also has an excellent letter to share with schools who may not be familiar with the layers of difficulty (and headache) of dealing with RAD kids.

[Kara Curfman]

Trigger warning! This book is NOT for everyone. I really AM NOT kidding. This book is rough, really rough and it doesn't get better, warm or fuzzy. It is REAL TO THE CORE. The beginning feels a little slow, but I think it's because of the anticipation I had in "the rest of the story". The methods used in this book are very different than what most use, but they have been effective in these particular cases. I don't read a book on trauma to hear what I want to hear. I read it to gain knowledge and to be pushed to think outside of the box. I don't have to agree with every technique to find value in the process. I do not mention this book often and it doesn't make my Top 10 because of it's really hard content. For some, it is needed as they are walking a similar story. She has another book I will review at a later time.

[Jess Mullen]

After watching Child of Rage for a child psychology class and then being asked to "look up where Beth is now," I discovered that she had co-authored this book. This is a HAEVY read, as it details the very real trauma and abuse that many children have faced and what it took for them to heal. I have to say, the writing wasn't all that great, but this book isn't a fictional story meant to hold you captive, so I didn't let it bother me too much. I can not begin to fathom what these children and their families have been through. Learning about what therapeutic parents like Nancy do to help them heal was very insightful.

[Owen Turner]

We needed this book years ago. Thank goodness we found it now.

We're desperate...and, although we've been struggling and frantically searching for help, we only just found this book with concrete actions we can take to help our kids have the successful, happy life we want for them. This book should be handed out with every foster child placement and or every foster adoption. It should be used to train foster and foster adopt parents.

If you're experiencing significant problems parenting a seemingly impossible child DON'T MISS THIS BOOK!

[Liza H]

This was a very heart breaking read. Nancy's background and life hurt my soul. I would have never imagined someone who experienced so much suffering in life would come out so strong, so willing to help and so full-on love. It is a very difficult book because it discusses such topics as domestic abuse, rape, child abuse, animal cruelty, murder and more. I am however glad I read it. To hear it from the person who went through hell to come out victorious and loving in the end gives me hope for this world.

[Audrey]

This is an incredible true story of a family who took in very troubled kids. These children were rapists, killers, and arsonists. Since they suffered from RAD, Reactive Attention Disorder, Nancy knew they needed love and firm guidance for them to recover. She and her daughter, Beth share their story for the rest of us to learn from. This is a very insightful book of the horrors far to many children face.

[Bridget Holbert]

Awesome book!

This is probably one of the best books I’ve read in a long time!
Written in first hand, this author has lived and experienced so much concerning abuse and healing. She has successfully helped so many severely abused children with an approach that i had never heard of! Wow! A lot of the foster children she had would have grown up to be abusers themselves had it not been for her and her methods! Very good read!

[Christy]

"This book was truly tragic. This may be for people who are serious about becoming children's therapists. Some may not agree with the religious approach to therapy, but everyone has their own way of going about therapy.

This features deeply personal stories about the author's experiences as a victim as well as stories about the victims that she helped along the way."

[Jill Van prooyen]

Every RAD parent should read this

Nancy composed an easy to read story of the children she cared for over many years. She is a positive hopeful person by nature, but shared some of the painful experiences and losses. I feel so encouraged and educated to help my daughter as she heals.

[Tina Delarm]

Very good uplifting book has lots of good ideas and is an interesting story.

A must read for parents to understand not just problems but from a child's view and responses to abuse. A good book to read

[Kasey]

Such a great read

I read this book cover to cover in less than three days. It has a great storyline and content although some of the beginning was a bit slow and I felt like parts of Beth’s story was glossed over.

[Brian Hudak]

The opening

Thank you for sharing your story. I have a better understanding of love and logic parenting and how to apply it to my teenager who's struggles with anxiety and depression.

[Jennifer Neese]

Awesome!!!

This book was a great one! I couldn't put it down. I would have liked to have read even more about this family and about more kids they saved.

[David A Harrod]

Excellent

Everything in the book was right on.learned so much as this is what a relative was diagnosed with.so helpful to me

[Michelle Warner]

Somewhat outdated information but good narrative on raising kids from hard places.

[Denise]

WOW

I read this book after becoming a CASA Volunteer. It has helped me stay focused on why I’m doing what I’m doing!