Fool's Errand: A Novel

by Louis Bayard

An Excerpt Funny that it began with a nap. Naps usually filled him with a nameless dread. Every time he put his head on a pillow, he would remember something he needed to do--something to clean (though he wasn't really that clean) or a book he'd been meaning to read. Or he'd develop a sudden fear of embarrassing mumbling an old boyfriend's name, say, or drooling or some other act still undreamed of, outside civilization's parameters. But nothing, finally, explained how unacceptable it was to be lying there--in daylight--lying there while the rest of the world was awake. How did people do it? On the day in question, though, a Sunday in March, Patrick had been trailing clouds of sleep deprivation. All week long he'd been sleeping poorly, and the night before, three teenage boys had broken into his car, which was parked behind his Victorian row house on Capitol Hill. Patrick might have slept till morning unawares except a neighbor on the other side of the back alley saw the crime in progress and yelled at the boys until they ran away. Then he knocked on Patrick's door to explain what had happened, and just as Patrick was about to thank him and go back to bed, the neighbor mentioned that the police had been called and were on their way. Patrick called twice over the next hour, asking the police not to come. Two hours later a patrolman knocked on the door. He and Patrick waited another half hour for the fingerprint specialist. Still wearing his bathrobe, Patrick led them through the backyard to the car. The first thing he noticed was the Oldsmobile's steering column, which had been peeled open like a can. The second thing was the glass from the rear left passenger window, which had resolved itself into smooth, glittering candy pebbles on the gravel. He fell asleep around 5. Around 6, his downstairs tenant, Deanna, woke him up to tell him about his She'd seen it during her morning jog. This left him only a few minutes of sleep before he had to get up for his violin lesson. His teacher--a radiant freckled woman named Sonya, with a river of auburn hair--lived only three blocks away, but 7:30 on Sunday morning was the only time of the week they could get together. Patrick was not improving.

Genres: Romance, Fiction, LGBT, Gay Fiction, M M Romance, Contemporary, Humor

486 pages, Paperback

First published June 15, 1999

About the author

A staff writer for Salon.com, Bayard has written articles and reviews for the New York Times, the Washington Post, Nerve.com, and Preservation, among others. Bayard lives in Washington, D.C.

Reviews

[Mike · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book several years ago- I'm not sure it's even in print anymore. Louis Bayard is a great writer and at the start of his career he wrote gay romance/humor novels along the lines of Stephen McCauley. I'm not sure if he had limited success, or his interests changed but Bayard ultimately switched to historical fiction based on actual events (like Mr. Timothy).

Anyway, this book is great. If you find it on Amazon or in a used book store, you won't be disappointed. The two MCs are charmingly flawed, and the romantic build feels very well-earned. It might be slightly too long, but more of a good thing isn't necessarily a flaw.

[Ajax1978 · Rating 5 out of 5]

I first read this when it was originally published and maybe it just hit me at the right time, but man this is one of my favorite books, bar none. Or maybe I have an affinity for it because of a stint living in Washington DC for a while. Some may think it is long and moves slowly but I find that's part of its charm. There are 80 page stories that have two guys meeting, having sex, declaring their love and undying devotion to each other, and picking out apartments over the course of three days. The thirteen year old girl in me thinks, good for them! But the realistic gay guy in me thinks, Fool's Errand is crazily fantastically possible. Some may give this two stars and that's fine. Some people wanna smack me when I put peanut butter and syrup on my waffle. We all like what we like. And for me this has remained a five star book.

[Trio · Rating 4 out of 5]

Oh I totally enjoyed this book! What a fun read, literally laugh out loud funny. The author is so witty, I absolutely love the way he writes. Terrific characters and such a clever plot. Highly recommend!

[_inbetween_ · Rating 2 out of 5]

The order in which we read books, what came just before, matters. So does how we're feeling, where and how we're living, our age and experience of course, but if I keep referring to other titles and authors, it's not to name-drop (obviously; I'm not quoting Foucault after all) but to add meaning, even if only for myself. The bad/vital human habit of seeing patterns everywhere, although I think I manage to distinguish between those intended or real, and those just meaningful to myself.

I had started Fool's Errand ages ago and stopped after the first chapter. Like most books, it wasn't quite what was advertised. Although I hadn't disliked it, I'd feared it was just another gay-lifestyle yuppy thing. Oddly enough, Rodi was much more that, while Bayard is - very moody, nearly Gale-y so far. The protagonist's tiredness is something I can sympathise with (although I hope it won't be "cured" by psychotherapeutic stuff), and his (ex)-bf is portrayed as sympathetic and keenly feeling, so it could either go Kenry-ish with a rediscovery and getting back together (which is a) my plan for NaNoWriMo and b) as I just remembered a classic of romantic screwball comedies) or he might find "Scottie".

The book is also the first that voices how women turn to lesbianism as a political, rather than sexual, gesture, even if it is with need and emotion, and I wonder how soon Patrick will come to embrace (?) the theatrical feminism of Alex's friends. Like Lionel in Closet Case, Patrick (even if not closeted) seems removed from "us" (them, gay men).

Surprisingly sad start, but rather welcome after the unsettling lack of real emotion in Rodi.



ETA-TWO: there is no sex. The only two descriptions of the only two encounters (that happen off-screen) had seemed promising to me (surprised + embarrassed, then fleeing before being washed), if the ending hadn't revealed there was nothing deeper to this than ... um, the author not liking (to write about) sex? Emotions being too messy? Barbara Cartland conservatism?

[Punk · Rating 4 out of 5]

A neurotic gay romance. Patrick Beaton's just seen the man of his dreams, except Patrick's got no idea who he is or how to find him. Enter Seth, the weird ex-boyfriend of Patrick's ex-boyfriend's new boyfriend (got that?). Seth's got a plan for finding Patrick's dream man. A crazy plan.

Patrick's a little useless and a lot unsure. He's got no idea who he is or what he wants, and at times this book can almost be a little hard to take because of that, but for the most part it's just Patrick bumbling his way through life, and you can't really blame him for being sort of lame. He means well. He also figures things out, eventually.

Four stars for great writing, a happy ending, and a slow, cozy story. Would read again. And have.

['Nathan Burgoine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Patrick Beaton is a rare sort of gay male protagonist - he's not incredibly passionate, he's not perfect, he's romantic, but he's also got his head so far up in the clouds that he's a little bit of a sap and a pushover.

So, when Patrick decides that someone he saw barely (and maybe even in a dream) is Mr. Perfect, he starts to hunt him down. Between his hunting down Mr. Perfect in all the wrong places, he has to deal with a slew of complications:

1. His ex - who has hooked up with a Mr. Wonderful of his own.

2. Mr. Wonderful's ex - who wants Patrick to find his own Mr. Perfect to drive Patrick's ex to a jealous return, so that Mr. Wonderful comes back on the market. Did I lose you there?

3. Crazy rats.

4. The CIA.

5. His best friend's love life, and her meddling in Patrick's love life.

and

6. A confusing and unnanounced visit from his father.

All in all, this is a heartwarming tale, and I liked the direction it went. The ultimate conclusion is a plausible one, amidst a novel that's just shy of slapstick in places. There's a gentle touch to this story, in both dialogue and Patrick's thoughts, and it was a warm and snuggly sort of reading experience.

[Jean · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is lovely and endearing and poignant. As the protagonist searches for His True Love, of whom he caught a glimpse when helped by him at a party, his family and friends assist him along the way. Bayard's work is different in the very best of ways, but it makes his works difficult to describe. Recommended.

[Matilda · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is another gem I found on the street. Light but very engaging. The plot had a lot of twists and turns and was unpredictable, which was very enjoyable and rare for me as an avid reader. I found I missed his voice when I finished it.

[Vincent · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great story set here in DC - out along the frontier near the Armory. But you gotta really like reading about gay guys obsessing about one another to enjoy it. And of course the usual straight women who like gay guys. A fun read though.

[Lucas · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my favorite books of all time.

[Charles · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my favorite books ever. If I were somebody in Hollywood, I'd make a movie of this one.

[Josh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Witty and utterly charming modern romance.

[Neet · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such a wonderful book that I got when it was first published and don't know what happened to it (thanks to Amazon purchased again) and definitely should be on Kindle. The story starts with our MC, Patrick Beaton and his boyfriend, Alex being invited to a party and Patrick wandering off to a library where he takes a nap. He's awakened and sees the man of his dreams, a dirty blondish Shetland cranberry sweater wearing young man who speaks a few words and disappears. Patrick starts thinking this is the man for him. Alex and him soon break up. The haunt begins for the elusive sweater wearing man. Patrick puts an ad in the Glances section of a gay paper, because of that he meets Rick, who though not the guy, he starts half heartedly seeing. We also meet Patrick's gal pal who has funny and smart and determined to find someone for Patrick's divorced father who moves in with Patrick and is a would be business entrepreneur with a history of depression. We also meet Seth, a young lobbyist who is hyperactive and happens to be the ex of the man that Patrick's now ex boyfriend, Alex is now living. Seth comes up with a plan for finding the elusive "Scottish Prince" which Patrick calls his dream man. Patrick finds out that his fantasies are just that and reality is a better cup of tea. Just one of my favorite books. ** Makes me miss DC where I was born & raised and takes place in 1999.

[Dan Adams · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fool's Errand was the only Louis Bayard book I hadn't read. As it was the author's first novel, I expected his writing to be...to be something less than I had come to know and appreciate in the later novels. But no, Bayard's first novel is every bit as funny and as well-written and as good as any and all of his eight other novels! Fool's Errand is hilarious and human. Give it a try and follow along as Patrick Beaton, a DC-area gay man, goes on the hunt for his Mr. Right.

[Mama · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lovely and clever story about how easy it is to lose yourself in fantasy and miss what is actually real

[Trin · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this long and, for the most part, really boring. Patrick and his yuppie angst did not engage me, and all of Seth’s quirks, which I believe were supposed to be endearing, irritated the crap out of me. I believe it is possible to tell a small, personal story that, even if it has no cosmic significance, is still meaningful and important in its own way. But everything about this book felt small and trivial, and it wasn’t even redeemed by being funny. Instead it was nearly 400 pages of well-intentioned yawnsville.

[Antonella · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked it a lot, although I'm not going to re-read a few times like some other books. I'd say that it is slightly less than 4 stars, but I'm going to round the rating up because I really laughed a lot and it is quite original and well written.

[Tim · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a sweet, funny, absurd tale of a gay man's search for the man of his dreams. The description of interpersonal dynamics of the small gay community that exists even in a big, cosmopolitan city are stereotyped accurately!

[Andrea · Rating 3 out of 5]

A fun tale

[Jordan Lombard · Rating 4 out of 5]

Took forever for me to get into this one. It's not a three star, but not exactly a four for me either. And I don't normally do half stars.

Fast read though.

[Bill · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good solid comic novel, close to 4 stars. He could have used an editor to help him cut this by about 100 pages, but it is a fun read (especially if you remember the DC of the 90's)