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84 pages, Kindle Edition
Published March 19, 2019
Mara was underwater: suspended and swaying marinely in a light green broth of plant matter, her body getting progressively lighter, nearly floating off the slippery plastic seat of the chair. The water felt cool around her face as her eyelids drooped. Everything was muffled except the muffled glubbing of her heart. Eventually a flutish tone sounded, followed by a male speech emulator.
Everyone wants to find their people — the ones who have experienced similar traumas and have a shared language with which to discuss that trauma. But no one will ever understand your trauma in all its subtlety, in all the little details of it that really make it yours, and realizing that is a disturbance in and of itself.
Over the last century, religion has all but disappeared from the lives of Americans and people the world over. God has been dead since the advent of modernity. The last major victim of our culture's process of ruthless illusion shattering has been romantic love. We can see the negative impact this has made. People are crying out for something to worship.
Mara looked at the table and suddenly understood. People always talk about the importance of knowing who you are and writing your life story. But her life did not seem to her like a story. It seemed more to her like this dead mouse, a deteriorating fruit, and a mushroom lined up in a row. [...] Purposeful meaninglessness. The more she focused on this, the more it produced a sensation of both fear and relief, which resulted in a burst of laughter that sprang from her lips in a sharp bark. The idea that there might be agents in the world whose only goal was to slow the human race's suicidal sprint toward a pinprick of ultimate complexity by producing meaninglessness disguised as information became supremely comical, and Mara began to laugh even harder.
No one ever touches anything. It's always just electrons interacting at surfaces that makes it appear as if our tissues have bridged the gap between us and other things. But there is always a space, and we have always begun to feel from afar, Mara wanted to say but didn't have the words.
She pulled into her driveway and rubbed rose cream blush onto the apples of her cheeks. Her wan olive features suddenly looked alive with the shifting, iridophoric gleam of a cuttlefish.