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Heroin is the Answer: A Memoir of What I Can Remember
DISCOVER A POWERFUL STORY OF DRUGS, BREAK-UPS, ADDICTION, AND THE STRUGGLE TO LEARN TO LIVE AGAINRussell Holbrook was a good Christian kid from a good home. He had friends, family, love, and opportunity. While he was a teenager in college, playing in a Christian indie rock band with a record deal and having a blast, he found drugs.Using drugs and alcohol started off so innocent and fun. But, the good times didn't roll for very long. Told with sprinkles of dry humor and raw honesty, Heroin is the Answer swerves effortlessly between poignant self-reflection and flowing poetry to provide a unique, sometimes bleak journey into the devastating grip of addiction.Whether you suffer from your own addiction, or if you want a peek inside the addict's mind, this memoir is for you. You'll witness Russell's descent from joyful experimentation to miserable dependence, to glimpses of hope, and then to the beginnings of a slow climb to a clean and sober life. Heroin is the Answer is a moving combination of memoir and dramatic poetry, crafted with an artistry and surreal detail that only someone who has experienced it can tell.
- GenresMemoir
166 pages, ebook
Published March 2, 2019
39 people are currently reading
64 people want to read
About the author
Russell Holbrook
31 books88 followersRussell Holbrook is an author, multi-instrumentalist, and visual artist. He was/is the guitarist and co-founder of former Tooth and Nail Records artists Joe Christmas and Chapel Hill, North Carolina's instrumental rockers, Choose Your Own Adventrue. He currently writes the column “The Logbook of Terror” for the horroraddicts.net podcast and blog and plays keyboard in Atlanta based dark ambient noise trio, Ibofanga. When not writing or practicing music or working his day job in a computer refurbishing warehouse, Russell enjoys spending time with his wife and animals at his lovely home in Mableton, Georgia.
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Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
March 28, 2020
I mean, look at the title. This is not feel-good reading. But their is a lot of hope, humanity, and occasionally catharsis as we follow the author over the course of several difficult seasons. At times frustrating, at times enlightening; non-fiction (or memoir) is not the kind of book I typically pick up, but I had this on my Kindle and after reading the first few pages, I was compelled to continue to see how it all played out. So that definitely counts for something, in this humble reviewers opinion.
November 14, 2019
Full disclosure, Russell Holbrook is my friend. We may only know each other through the power of the internet, but over the years I feel like I've come to know Russell fairly well. That being said, I found it really interesting to be able to peek into a portion of his life that happened before I even knew that Russell as a person existed. It showed me that our shared interests and similarities go back to even when we were kids. While reading Heroin is the Answer, it really amazed me how close our lives resembled each others during our impressionable teenage years, with the exception of the heroin use that is. I am positive that if we had grown up near each other we would have hung out, probably jammed in some bands together, did some illegal activities, all that fun stuff.
I feel a little funny saying that I love reading addiction memoirs, but it's true. The Basketball Diaries, Permanent Midnight, Dry, even A Million Little Pieces with all its fakeness, I enjoy reading the brutal honesty about the highs and lows that come along with a terrible addiction and Russell's Heroin is The Answer is just that, brutally honest. He doesn't shy away from questionable things he's done and doesn't sugar coat anything that might paint him in a bad light. Heroin is the Answer is an engrossing read that gives some insight into an addict's mindset, and shows us that there can be hope in the end, that it is possible to go through such a painful journey and come out of it, scarred but not defeated.
This book is proof that Russell is more than the bizarro/horror author we've come to know.
I feel a little funny saying that I love reading addiction memoirs, but it's true. The Basketball Diaries, Permanent Midnight, Dry, even A Million Little Pieces with all its fakeness, I enjoy reading the brutal honesty about the highs and lows that come along with a terrible addiction and Russell's Heroin is The Answer is just that, brutally honest. He doesn't shy away from questionable things he's done and doesn't sugar coat anything that might paint him in a bad light. Heroin is the Answer is an engrossing read that gives some insight into an addict's mindset, and shows us that there can be hope in the end, that it is possible to go through such a painful journey and come out of it, scarred but not defeated.
This book is proof that Russell is more than the bizarro/horror author we've come to know.
March 19, 2019
I know Russell Holbrooks writing from his bizzaro horror books Lucy Furr and The Water Babies. This is a departure from his usual entertaining musings and evidence that this is a writer with talent. I have never read anything quite so blatantly honest. Russell Holbrook doesn't pull his punches and writes with an insight that is rare. Chronicling his life from the first time he takes heroin to now, the reader is taken through every detail of Russell's life. This memoir left me feeling empathy for him and others like him. Having never taken drugs, smoked or really been more than a social drinker, I'd never really understood the nature of addiction. What Russell shows the reader is that addiction is a devil that rides your back. It doesn't relent and even though you know the harm you are doing to yourself and those you love the deep-seated need it creates is stronger than your own will.
I like the way that he writes and the prose included between each chapter is very well written and introspective. When he writes about becoming a father, my heart went out to him because of the manner in which he explains his love for Betty Ann and wanting to do the right thing by her and his son Parker. This is an account of a confused young man who like all of us just wants to fit in and find his place. The break-up of his band and his need for creativity have a huge influence on the decisions he makes and these lead him to drugs. He writes not for sympathy or kudous but because, I felt, he needed to make sense of it. What he has produced is an account of a life that many will be able to identify with and learn from his mistakes. Thank you Russell for your bravery in sharing this with us, your readers.
I like the way that he writes and the prose included between each chapter is very well written and introspective. When he writes about becoming a father, my heart went out to him because of the manner in which he explains his love for Betty Ann and wanting to do the right thing by her and his son Parker. This is an account of a confused young man who like all of us just wants to fit in and find his place. The break-up of his band and his need for creativity have a huge influence on the decisions he makes and these lead him to drugs. He writes not for sympathy or kudous but because, I felt, he needed to make sense of it. What he has produced is an account of a life that many will be able to identify with and learn from his mistakes. Thank you Russell for your bravery in sharing this with us, your readers.
February 27, 2020
I don't remember how I got tipped off to this one, but Holbrook was in a band I liked in High School, and I'm always kind of curious what came of some of those people. I'm always up for a memoir about just dealing with it. Holbrook has dealt with it.
The book is well-written, sort of bite size chapters. I really flew through it.
The book is well-written, sort of bite size chapters. I really flew through it.
July 25, 2019
Review of HEROIN IS THE ANSWER:
A MEMOIR OF WHAT I CAN REMEMBER
by Russell Holbrook
Review by Trevor Kennedy for Phantasmagoria Magazine.
To me, this is a very important book. And not just for the author either, as he bleeds his pain and catharsis through its pages, but, and at the risk of this review coming across as over-the-top, for society as a whole. Most people will at some point in their lives have a family member or friend who suffers from addiction to mood-altering substances (or perhaps the struggle will be their own) and within this work by Russell Holbrook they will quite likely find something they can relate to in varying ways. There is a very good chance it will help them greatly too.
It is an autobiographical story which concentrates mainly on American bizarro/horror author/musician Holbrook’s early adult life from around the mid-1990s up until the end of that decade, chronicling in graphic detail his descent into full-blown heroin addiction and dependency on other drugs such as alcohol, LSD and prescription medication. What follows is a tragic, harrowing tale of relationship break-ups, petty crime, overdosing, stays in hospitals/rehab centres, self harm, suicidal tendencies and a life almost completely destroyed and ended prematurely, whilst his family and friends look on helpless, baffled, aghast and distraught. Real life horror, if you like.
It is a brutally honest and at times profoundly upsetting account of the insanity of addiction, but in parts also laugh-out-loud funny, sprinkled generously with Russell’s unique brand of dark, sarcastic - almost British - deadpan humour, reflecting on the absurdity of many of his actions during this period.
As a recovering alcoholic myself this book struck a particular emotional chord with me. I instantly recognised the mindset and thought processes of the ill, addicted mind, coupled with the fact that Russell and I are around the same age and our respective addictions were forming with a great gusto during the same era. Russell was a wannabe rock star with big dreams and an even bigger drug problem. I was a blossoming young alco and printing factory worker who spent his free hours in bars, local raves and parties, dabbling in all sorts of extreme ‘recreational’ behaviour that only snowballed into the lowest of ebbs. In many ways we were crazed, foolish, mentally confused kindred spirits unbeknownst to each other at the time, separated by the Atlantic Ocean, both of us vainly attempting to find the answers to life and all of our problems at the bottom of a bottle or in the drug(s) of our choice. And there is nothing glamorous about addiction or in the pages of this book either, despite what is often heavily suggested by the media and society as a whole. On the contrary. I cannot stress this point enough. You’d have to be living in some sort of deranged parallel universe or Hell to romanticise things such as waking up in a pool of your own vomit, piss and shit, or lying wasted in the back of an ambulance or police cell, or getting beaten to a pulp for acting like a general asshole, or almost dying in some sort of pathetic manner or another. The list goes on and it’s endless, but essentially this is not some sort of fun ‘rock ‘n roll’ lifestyle - it is in fact personal degradation and shame of the highest order.
Yes, this book is indeed depressing, heavy going stuff for the most part - the chapters broken up by some of Holbrook’s very dark poetry only add to this - but it does climax on a very hopeful, positive note. A happy ending.
Russell, to his great credit, has been sober and in recovery for many years now - a inspirational success story who has rebuilt his life from the darkest of dark places.
He is a survivor, one who has beaten the odds and whose story will continue to grow in strength and wonder. I’m proud to call him a friend, one who I have got to know very well over the last few years via social media. One day we’ll meet up in the ‘real’ world and have that well-deserved cup of tea and cigarette together. And none of this is to say that recovery or life itself is easy for any of us either - far from it, just as the author wisely states. For myself, recovery has been without doubt the hardest thing I have ever attempted to do in my life, and it is still far from perfect, but it CAN be done. Russell is proof of this. Hope really does spring eternal.
This book deserves to be read by as many people as possible. To paraphrase Russell himself, the real life horrors aren’t quite as fun as the fictional ones, but sometimes we do indeed need to take a look at them anyway.
Heroin is the Answer: A Memoir of What I Can Remember is available to purchase from Amazon in paperback and Kindle forms.
A MEMOIR OF WHAT I CAN REMEMBER
by Russell Holbrook
Review by Trevor Kennedy for Phantasmagoria Magazine.
To me, this is a very important book. And not just for the author either, as he bleeds his pain and catharsis through its pages, but, and at the risk of this review coming across as over-the-top, for society as a whole. Most people will at some point in their lives have a family member or friend who suffers from addiction to mood-altering substances (or perhaps the struggle will be their own) and within this work by Russell Holbrook they will quite likely find something they can relate to in varying ways. There is a very good chance it will help them greatly too.
It is an autobiographical story which concentrates mainly on American bizarro/horror author/musician Holbrook’s early adult life from around the mid-1990s up until the end of that decade, chronicling in graphic detail his descent into full-blown heroin addiction and dependency on other drugs such as alcohol, LSD and prescription medication. What follows is a tragic, harrowing tale of relationship break-ups, petty crime, overdosing, stays in hospitals/rehab centres, self harm, suicidal tendencies and a life almost completely destroyed and ended prematurely, whilst his family and friends look on helpless, baffled, aghast and distraught. Real life horror, if you like.
It is a brutally honest and at times profoundly upsetting account of the insanity of addiction, but in parts also laugh-out-loud funny, sprinkled generously with Russell’s unique brand of dark, sarcastic - almost British - deadpan humour, reflecting on the absurdity of many of his actions during this period.
As a recovering alcoholic myself this book struck a particular emotional chord with me. I instantly recognised the mindset and thought processes of the ill, addicted mind, coupled with the fact that Russell and I are around the same age and our respective addictions were forming with a great gusto during the same era. Russell was a wannabe rock star with big dreams and an even bigger drug problem. I was a blossoming young alco and printing factory worker who spent his free hours in bars, local raves and parties, dabbling in all sorts of extreme ‘recreational’ behaviour that only snowballed into the lowest of ebbs. In many ways we were crazed, foolish, mentally confused kindred spirits unbeknownst to each other at the time, separated by the Atlantic Ocean, both of us vainly attempting to find the answers to life and all of our problems at the bottom of a bottle or in the drug(s) of our choice. And there is nothing glamorous about addiction or in the pages of this book either, despite what is often heavily suggested by the media and society as a whole. On the contrary. I cannot stress this point enough. You’d have to be living in some sort of deranged parallel universe or Hell to romanticise things such as waking up in a pool of your own vomit, piss and shit, or lying wasted in the back of an ambulance or police cell, or getting beaten to a pulp for acting like a general asshole, or almost dying in some sort of pathetic manner or another. The list goes on and it’s endless, but essentially this is not some sort of fun ‘rock ‘n roll’ lifestyle - it is in fact personal degradation and shame of the highest order.
Yes, this book is indeed depressing, heavy going stuff for the most part - the chapters broken up by some of Holbrook’s very dark poetry only add to this - but it does climax on a very hopeful, positive note. A happy ending.
Russell, to his great credit, has been sober and in recovery for many years now - a inspirational success story who has rebuilt his life from the darkest of dark places.
He is a survivor, one who has beaten the odds and whose story will continue to grow in strength and wonder. I’m proud to call him a friend, one who I have got to know very well over the last few years via social media. One day we’ll meet up in the ‘real’ world and have that well-deserved cup of tea and cigarette together. And none of this is to say that recovery or life itself is easy for any of us either - far from it, just as the author wisely states. For myself, recovery has been without doubt the hardest thing I have ever attempted to do in my life, and it is still far from perfect, but it CAN be done. Russell is proof of this. Hope really does spring eternal.
This book deserves to be read by as many people as possible. To paraphrase Russell himself, the real life horrors aren’t quite as fun as the fictional ones, but sometimes we do indeed need to take a look at them anyway.
Heroin is the Answer: A Memoir of What I Can Remember is available to purchase from Amazon in paperback and Kindle forms.
March 11, 2019
Refreshingly honest
Holbrook seemingly does not spare himself nor the reader any of the details he recalls. He takes us on a painful journey that we go on willingly because of his relatable humanity. Holbrook's writing is accessible and aptly describes the torturous cycle of addiction. As someone in recovery, I recommend this to anyone who struggles with drug and alcohol abuse and perhaps more importantly, to those who do not.
Holbrook seemingly does not spare himself nor the reader any of the details he recalls. He takes us on a painful journey that we go on willingly because of his relatable humanity. Holbrook's writing is accessible and aptly describes the torturous cycle of addiction. As someone in recovery, I recommend this to anyone who struggles with drug and alcohol abuse and perhaps more importantly, to those who do not.
September 14, 2019
This is a difficult one to review.
On one side, memoirs are outside of my comfort zone for reading. The poems that start each chapter are rough (in an expletive-ridden way)---not bad at all---just that. Rough. And reading an entire book about someone's struggles with heroin is also rough.
On the other hand, Holbrook writes in such a great way. The book is conversational, like he's speaking directly to you. His story is emotional. His story is turmoil. His story is gripping. Though the poems are rough, including them (I believe they were all written during the time period of his addiction) makes perfect sense and helps flesh his memoir out.
This probably won't be something I return to, but I'm immensely glad I read it. And I'll suggest it to anyone who's looking to expand their worldview, to enter an addict's mindset (of what he can remember). It's worth it.
On one side, memoirs are outside of my comfort zone for reading. The poems that start each chapter are rough (in an expletive-ridden way)---not bad at all---just that. Rough. And reading an entire book about someone's struggles with heroin is also rough.
On the other hand, Holbrook writes in such a great way. The book is conversational, like he's speaking directly to you. His story is emotional. His story is turmoil. His story is gripping. Though the poems are rough, including them (I believe they were all written during the time period of his addiction) makes perfect sense and helps flesh his memoir out.
This probably won't be something I return to, but I'm immensely glad I read it. And I'll suggest it to anyone who's looking to expand their worldview, to enter an addict's mindset (of what he can remember). It's worth it.
March 11, 2019
Wow!
Powerful read. I was once married to an addict. By reading this, it helped me to understand why he did the things to hurt me. Glad you are sober, but some pain you afflicted on others, will never heal.
Powerful read. I was once married to an addict. By reading this, it helped me to understand why he did the things to hurt me. Glad you are sober, but some pain you afflicted on others, will never heal.
January 10, 2023
Bold! Intense! Captivating! Russell Holbrook bears his soul as he reveals the truth behind addiction. Page turning and heartbreaking. I could not put this book down!
July 24, 2021
A rough and raw glimpse of self destruction. Holbrook gives a coarse telling of his spiral into addiction. His story reads like a confession of a friend’s past, easily readable but heavy. The mix of his poetry, written during the time of his deepest addiction, gives the story a greater vulnerability. The author’s notes topped this off. It is not perfection and easy, it’s honest and gritty. It is shattering and wonderful.
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews