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A Woman's Self-Esteem: Struggles and Triumphs in the Search for Identity
"In a time when women are faced with many outside demands--career, family, community--this book will give them the tools and inspiration needed to remain grounded. A must read!"
— Barbara McFarland , psychologist and author of My Mother Was Right Based on the intimate stories of women who have struggled with issues of self-esteem, this invaluable book offers step-by-step guidance for women who want to transform themselves and create lives that are powerful, energized, and motivated. A Woman's Self-Esteem is also a guide for helping women learn the impact they can make on their own lives and how their positive actions will result in a stronger sense of competence and self-worth. A pioneer in the field of self-esteem, psychotherapist Nathaniel Branden explains that the foundation of a healthy self-esteem rests on six key practices or virtues--living consciously, self-acceptance, self-responsibility, self-assertiveness, purposeful living, and personal integrity--and reveals how women can cultivate these essential virtues to reach their full potential. The author's inspiring, real-life vignettes show how women have come to terms with these complex issues by breaking away from self-sabotaging patterns and taking the necessary steps to create more satisfying lives. In A Woman's Self-Esteem , Branden debunks common myths and reminds us that self-esteem is not a gift given to us by others. Branden offers a revealing examination of the special issues that women grapple with including romantic love, jealousy, fear of selfishness, expressing anger, defensiveness, and success anxiety. Filled with creative exercises, A Woman's Self Esteem was developed to enhance personal development and fortify self-esteem.
— Barbara McFarland , psychologist and author of My Mother Was Right Based on the intimate stories of women who have struggled with issues of self-esteem, this invaluable book offers step-by-step guidance for women who want to transform themselves and create lives that are powerful, energized, and motivated. A Woman's Self-Esteem is also a guide for helping women learn the impact they can make on their own lives and how their positive actions will result in a stronger sense of competence and self-worth. A pioneer in the field of self-esteem, psychotherapist Nathaniel Branden explains that the foundation of a healthy self-esteem rests on six key practices or virtues--living consciously, self-acceptance, self-responsibility, self-assertiveness, purposeful living, and personal integrity--and reveals how women can cultivate these essential virtues to reach their full potential. The author's inspiring, real-life vignettes show how women have come to terms with these complex issues by breaking away from self-sabotaging patterns and taking the necessary steps to create more satisfying lives. In A Woman's Self-Esteem , Branden debunks common myths and reminds us that self-esteem is not a gift given to us by others. Branden offers a revealing examination of the special issues that women grapple with including romantic love, jealousy, fear of selfishness, expressing anger, defensiveness, and success anxiety. Filled with creative exercises, A Woman's Self Esteem was developed to enhance personal development and fortify self-esteem.
162 pages, Hardcover
First published October 2, 1998
About the author
Nathaniel Branden
166 books588 followersNathaniel Branden was a Canadian–American psychotherapist and writer known for his work in the psychology of self-esteem. A former associate and romantic partner of Ayn Rand, Branden also played a prominent role in the 1960s in promoting Rand's philosophy, Objectivism. Rand and Branden split acrimoniously in 1968, after which Branden focused on developing his own psychological theories and modes of therapy.
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Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
August 11, 2026
THE POPULAR SELF-ESTEEM AUTHOR FOCUSES ON WOMEN’S ISSUES
Nathaniel Branden (1930-2014) was a Canadian psychotherapist and writer who was Ayn Rand's chief spokesman, until their break in 1968.
He wrote in the Preface to this 1998 book, “This book focuses on the basics of self-esteem and the application of self-esteem principles to the everyday lives, conflicts, and strivings of women… The stories that I tell of women’s struggles and victories to illustrate my points are taken from my experiences as a psychotherapist. These vignettes are the heart of this book. But in addition, the book contains exercises aimed at facilitating personal development and growth in self-esteem. The emphasis here is on ACTION...”
“When working on self-esteem, there are two aspects to be considered. One has to do with healing childhood traumas and psychic wounds that have resulted in a damaged sense of self---in other words, the elimination of negatives. The other is the building of positives: learning those practices and ways of operating that result in a strengthened sense of competence and worth. The latter is our focus here. Whereas the first concern often requires psychotherapy or some other form of professional help, that latter is a domain that a motivated adult can pursue on her own, for example, by studying and experimenting with the ideas and suggestions advanced in this book. Having worked with people for four decades, I am convinced that most of us tend to underestimate what we are capable of accomplishing. We are all more than our problems.” (Pg. xi-xiii)
In Chapter 1, he explains, “Self-esteem is the disposition to experience ourselves as being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life as being worthy of happiness. It consists of two components: (1) self-efficacy, that is, confidence in our ability to think, learn, choose, and make appropriate decisions and (2) self-respect, that is, confidence in our right to be happy---confidence that achievement, success, friendship, respect, love, and fulfillment are appropriate for us… Positive self-esteem operates as, in effect, the immune system of the spirit, providing resistance, strength, and a capacity for regeneration. When self-esteem is love, our resilience in the fact of life’s problems is diminished… If we do not believe in ourselves… the universe is a frightening place.” (Pg. 4-5)
He continues, “To women who are throwing off traditional sex roles, fighting for emotional and intellectual autonomy, pouring in escalating numbers into the workplace… invading one formerly male bastion after another, challenging millennium-old prejudices---self-esteem is indispensable… High self-esteem seeks the challenge and stimulation of worthwhile and demanding goals… Low self-esteem seeks the safety of the familiar and undemanding.” (Pg. 5)
He suggests, “If you hope to achieve a happy relationship with a man, no factor is more important than self-esteem---yours and his. There is no greater barrier to romantic success then the deep-seated feeling that one is unlovable. The first love affair we must consummate successfully in this world is with ourselves. Only then are we ready for a relationship.” (Pg. 7)
He notes, “Without self-acceptance, self-esteem is impossible… But what self-acceptance means is far from self-evident… Here is the essence of the issue. ‘To accept’ is to experience fully, without denial or avoidance… I can accept the reality of things about myself that I do not like, admire, or condone at all.” (Pg. 19)
He asserts, “When a person in a relationship begins to change, the partner is obliged to change also. The reason is that a relationship is a system whose parts are interconnected. If one part changes and another part doesn’t, the system goes into disequilibrium. Frictions and tensions develop.” (Pg. 29)
He states, “When we have good self-esteem, self-assertiveness tends to follow as a natural consequence… Self-assertiveness means my willingness to stand up for myself, to be who I am openly, to treat myself with decent respect in my encounters with others. It means I don’t fake who I am---misrepresent my values or belief or perceptions---to win your approval.” (Pg. 39)
He points out, “Psychologists do not talk much about integrity… I attended a conference once where the subject under discussion was what people do that wounds self-esteem. I was the only one present who brought up the subject of integrity---and breaches of integrity---as relevant. No one else seemed interested in that line of thought. And yet, we do need principles to guide our lives, and the principles we accept had better be reasonable because if we betray them, our self-esteem will suffer. Integrity is one of the guardians of mental health.” (Pg. 58)
He explains, “Self-esteem is the foundation of romantic love… If we feel competent and worthy in our own eyes---if we feel lovable---we have the internal resources … that make it possible for us to love someone else. We are not trapped in feelings of deficiency. We have something to give… But if, in contrast, we do not feel competent and worthy---do not feel lovable---then the basis of our responses to others is a sense of impoverishment---the sense of a deficit…. I may attempt love, but I am undermined at the base. And in my insecurity I subvert love by demanding excessive reassurances, by venting irrational possessiveness, by making catastrophes of small frictions… by finding ways to reject my partner before my partner can reject me.” (Pg. 63-64)
He reports, “‘You mean it’s not wrong to be selfish?’ I have encountered this question in one form or another throughout all of my professional life… The questioners do not mean, ‘Do I have permission to violate the rights of others?’… They mean, ‘Do I have a right to honor my own needs and wants, to act on my own best judgment, to strive for my own happiness?’” (Pg. 69)
He continues, “When I refer to selfishness in a positive way, I am not speaking of the petty selfishness that consists of recognizing no one’s wants but our own or of acting as if others exist only to serve us. I am speaking of the intelligent selfishness of a thinking person who honors her needs and values and is willing to stand up for her legitimate interests.” (Pg. 70)
He explains, “I am often asked whether jealousy is always an indication of poor self-esteem or whether high-self-esteem people ever experience this painful emotion. The short answer is that more often than not, jealousy IS a reflection of inadequate self-esteem---but not ALWAYS or NECESSARILY. There are circumstances in which jealousy can be felt by women and men who are relatively free of self-doubt. Passionate love---romantic love---entails a desire for sexual exclusivity. Consequently, some degree of pain follows the loss of that exclusivity, as when one’s partner has a sexual encounter with someone else. If one wants to call that pain jealousy, then I would say it is normal and would not draw any inferences about the self-esteem of the sufferer. If, however, the sufferer felt not merely pain but devastated self-worth, then I would say that she or he had a self-esteem problem and that it existed prior to the infidelity.” (Pg. 75-76)
He asserts, “Self-esteem energizes us in the pursuit of our goals… When our self-esteem is solid, success feels natural and appropriate to us. However, when self-esteem is weak, success can trigger anxiety---and anxiety can trigger self-sabotaging behavior. Today, when more and more women are entering the workplace, many of them are starting their own businesses, I encounter some version of this problem with considerable frequency. I call the problem ‘success anxiety.’ It is the dread and disorientation that persons of inadequate self-esteem experience when career or work-life go well in ways that conflict with their deepest vision of who they are and what is appropriate to them.” (Pg. 97)
At the conclusion of this book is an Appendix, ‘Was Ayn Rand a Feminist?’ in which he states, “Because the novel [‘Atlas Shrugged’] has sold in the millions worldwide, and its heroine has been a role model for countless women, I found Rand’s perspective on women and feminism of particular interest in the context of this book. A second reason for including it is that doing so allowed me to relate issues of self-esteem to certain strains of contemporary feminism.” (Pg. 135)
He summarizes, “Where did Ayn Rand stand with respect to feminism (a term she never liked?) A feminism that sees woman at her best as a heroic figure will find support and validation in Rand’s writings. A feminism that defines woman as victim and man as her evil oppressor will see Rand as the enemy---because Rand sees women not as weak but as strong, and because Rand seems romantic love between woman and men as an expression and celebration of their esteem for each other as well as their esteem for themselves.” (Pg. 147-148)
Those who like Branden’ s other self-esteem books, should like this one.
Nathaniel Branden (1930-2014) was a Canadian psychotherapist and writer who was Ayn Rand's chief spokesman, until their break in 1968.
He wrote in the Preface to this 1998 book, “This book focuses on the basics of self-esteem and the application of self-esteem principles to the everyday lives, conflicts, and strivings of women… The stories that I tell of women’s struggles and victories to illustrate my points are taken from my experiences as a psychotherapist. These vignettes are the heart of this book. But in addition, the book contains exercises aimed at facilitating personal development and growth in self-esteem. The emphasis here is on ACTION...”
“When working on self-esteem, there are two aspects to be considered. One has to do with healing childhood traumas and psychic wounds that have resulted in a damaged sense of self---in other words, the elimination of negatives. The other is the building of positives: learning those practices and ways of operating that result in a strengthened sense of competence and worth. The latter is our focus here. Whereas the first concern often requires psychotherapy or some other form of professional help, that latter is a domain that a motivated adult can pursue on her own, for example, by studying and experimenting with the ideas and suggestions advanced in this book. Having worked with people for four decades, I am convinced that most of us tend to underestimate what we are capable of accomplishing. We are all more than our problems.” (Pg. xi-xiii)
In Chapter 1, he explains, “Self-esteem is the disposition to experience ourselves as being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life as being worthy of happiness. It consists of two components: (1) self-efficacy, that is, confidence in our ability to think, learn, choose, and make appropriate decisions and (2) self-respect, that is, confidence in our right to be happy---confidence that achievement, success, friendship, respect, love, and fulfillment are appropriate for us… Positive self-esteem operates as, in effect, the immune system of the spirit, providing resistance, strength, and a capacity for regeneration. When self-esteem is love, our resilience in the fact of life’s problems is diminished… If we do not believe in ourselves… the universe is a frightening place.” (Pg. 4-5)
He continues, “To women who are throwing off traditional sex roles, fighting for emotional and intellectual autonomy, pouring in escalating numbers into the workplace… invading one formerly male bastion after another, challenging millennium-old prejudices---self-esteem is indispensable… High self-esteem seeks the challenge and stimulation of worthwhile and demanding goals… Low self-esteem seeks the safety of the familiar and undemanding.” (Pg. 5)
He suggests, “If you hope to achieve a happy relationship with a man, no factor is more important than self-esteem---yours and his. There is no greater barrier to romantic success then the deep-seated feeling that one is unlovable. The first love affair we must consummate successfully in this world is with ourselves. Only then are we ready for a relationship.” (Pg. 7)
He notes, “Without self-acceptance, self-esteem is impossible… But what self-acceptance means is far from self-evident… Here is the essence of the issue. ‘To accept’ is to experience fully, without denial or avoidance… I can accept the reality of things about myself that I do not like, admire, or condone at all.” (Pg. 19)
He asserts, “When a person in a relationship begins to change, the partner is obliged to change also. The reason is that a relationship is a system whose parts are interconnected. If one part changes and another part doesn’t, the system goes into disequilibrium. Frictions and tensions develop.” (Pg. 29)
He states, “When we have good self-esteem, self-assertiveness tends to follow as a natural consequence… Self-assertiveness means my willingness to stand up for myself, to be who I am openly, to treat myself with decent respect in my encounters with others. It means I don’t fake who I am---misrepresent my values or belief or perceptions---to win your approval.” (Pg. 39)
He points out, “Psychologists do not talk much about integrity… I attended a conference once where the subject under discussion was what people do that wounds self-esteem. I was the only one present who brought up the subject of integrity---and breaches of integrity---as relevant. No one else seemed interested in that line of thought. And yet, we do need principles to guide our lives, and the principles we accept had better be reasonable because if we betray them, our self-esteem will suffer. Integrity is one of the guardians of mental health.” (Pg. 58)
He explains, “Self-esteem is the foundation of romantic love… If we feel competent and worthy in our own eyes---if we feel lovable---we have the internal resources … that make it possible for us to love someone else. We are not trapped in feelings of deficiency. We have something to give… But if, in contrast, we do not feel competent and worthy---do not feel lovable---then the basis of our responses to others is a sense of impoverishment---the sense of a deficit…. I may attempt love, but I am undermined at the base. And in my insecurity I subvert love by demanding excessive reassurances, by venting irrational possessiveness, by making catastrophes of small frictions… by finding ways to reject my partner before my partner can reject me.” (Pg. 63-64)
He reports, “‘You mean it’s not wrong to be selfish?’ I have encountered this question in one form or another throughout all of my professional life… The questioners do not mean, ‘Do I have permission to violate the rights of others?’… They mean, ‘Do I have a right to honor my own needs and wants, to act on my own best judgment, to strive for my own happiness?’” (Pg. 69)
He continues, “When I refer to selfishness in a positive way, I am not speaking of the petty selfishness that consists of recognizing no one’s wants but our own or of acting as if others exist only to serve us. I am speaking of the intelligent selfishness of a thinking person who honors her needs and values and is willing to stand up for her legitimate interests.” (Pg. 70)
He explains, “I am often asked whether jealousy is always an indication of poor self-esteem or whether high-self-esteem people ever experience this painful emotion. The short answer is that more often than not, jealousy IS a reflection of inadequate self-esteem---but not ALWAYS or NECESSARILY. There are circumstances in which jealousy can be felt by women and men who are relatively free of self-doubt. Passionate love---romantic love---entails a desire for sexual exclusivity. Consequently, some degree of pain follows the loss of that exclusivity, as when one’s partner has a sexual encounter with someone else. If one wants to call that pain jealousy, then I would say it is normal and would not draw any inferences about the self-esteem of the sufferer. If, however, the sufferer felt not merely pain but devastated self-worth, then I would say that she or he had a self-esteem problem and that it existed prior to the infidelity.” (Pg. 75-76)
He asserts, “Self-esteem energizes us in the pursuit of our goals… When our self-esteem is solid, success feels natural and appropriate to us. However, when self-esteem is weak, success can trigger anxiety---and anxiety can trigger self-sabotaging behavior. Today, when more and more women are entering the workplace, many of them are starting their own businesses, I encounter some version of this problem with considerable frequency. I call the problem ‘success anxiety.’ It is the dread and disorientation that persons of inadequate self-esteem experience when career or work-life go well in ways that conflict with their deepest vision of who they are and what is appropriate to them.” (Pg. 97)
At the conclusion of this book is an Appendix, ‘Was Ayn Rand a Feminist?’ in which he states, “Because the novel [‘Atlas Shrugged’] has sold in the millions worldwide, and its heroine has been a role model for countless women, I found Rand’s perspective on women and feminism of particular interest in the context of this book. A second reason for including it is that doing so allowed me to relate issues of self-esteem to certain strains of contemporary feminism.” (Pg. 135)
He summarizes, “Where did Ayn Rand stand with respect to feminism (a term she never liked?) A feminism that sees woman at her best as a heroic figure will find support and validation in Rand’s writings. A feminism that defines woman as victim and man as her evil oppressor will see Rand as the enemy---because Rand sees women not as weak but as strong, and because Rand seems romantic love between woman and men as an expression and celebration of their esteem for each other as well as their esteem for themselves.” (Pg. 147-148)
Those who like Branden’ s other self-esteem books, should like this one.
March 7, 2022
Este libro fue una receta de mi psicóloga y me ha encantado. La primera parte aborda los 6 pilares de la autoestima, (título de otro libro del mismo autor) pero desde la experiencia de su trabajo con mujeres (consulta clínica como psicólogo). Esto hace que los ejemplos en cada capítulo se enfoquen más en este género.
Me gustó mucho el uso de estos ejemplos para comprender más fácilmente los conceptos que se abordan. También me gustaron los ejercicios que trae al final de cada capítulo. Ejercicios para estimular la reflexión y el cambio de percepción.
La segunda parte está enfocada en temas como: el miedo al éxito, la carrera profesional, la felicidad, cómo expresar el enojo de forma efectiva.
La tercera parte, también muy práctica, da estrategias para el empoderamiento. De nuevo muy directo y con recursos valiosos para llevar a la práctica.
Disfruté que, a diferencia de otros libros escritos por psicólogos, no está cargado de vocabulario técnico, es ligero y fácil de leer para cualquier persona sin importar su conocimiento sobre psicología.
Me gustó mucho el uso de estos ejemplos para comprender más fácilmente los conceptos que se abordan. También me gustaron los ejercicios que trae al final de cada capítulo. Ejercicios para estimular la reflexión y el cambio de percepción.
La segunda parte está enfocada en temas como: el miedo al éxito, la carrera profesional, la felicidad, cómo expresar el enojo de forma efectiva.
La tercera parte, también muy práctica, da estrategias para el empoderamiento. De nuevo muy directo y con recursos valiosos para llevar a la práctica.
Disfruté que, a diferencia de otros libros escritos por psicólogos, no está cargado de vocabulario técnico, es ligero y fácil de leer para cualquier persona sin importar su conocimiento sobre psicología.
March 9, 2011
Brandon speaks with clarity and real life experience. He explains how self-esteem comes from real accomplishments. This is a book I'd like to own to fill in his 'stem' sentences laid out for the reader to answer. I made a list of my own accomplishments and realized I had some real valid things I've done or and/or overcame. I don't feel like I have to qualify most everything I say anymore. This self improvement book actually improved my self esteem.
May 31, 2022
Not un-insightful. Highlighted some passages
January 17, 2025
This book is an essential read! It is fantastic how smart and truly relevant it is to today's culture.
February 16, 2025
The ending felt abrupt and inclusion of the appendix was confusing, but the topics and stories are helpful and easy to relate to
September 18, 2014
I love Nathaniel Branden and soon I will have read everything he has ever written. This book would be a five star book if I didn't know how much better all his other books are. Compared to all the psychology books out there this book gets 4 stars or maybe 5. But compared to everything Branden has written it's more like a 2 or 3. Read the Art of Living Consciously or the Six Pillars of Self-Esteem or anything else.
In the reviews about this book it sounded like there was a fascinating article about Ayn Rand at the end of the book that I needed to read. Apparently it was just reviewers who didn't understand what Branden was saying (or perhaps what Rand was trying to express). Since I have read a significant amount of both of their work this article was not surprising or shocking or sexist--on the contrary. I had never understood the remarks Rand had made that seemed sexist to me until I read this article. Brilliant as she was, she was still a product of her time to some degree. But now I think she was LESS sexist than I used to.
In the reviews about this book it sounded like there was a fascinating article about Ayn Rand at the end of the book that I needed to read. Apparently it was just reviewers who didn't understand what Branden was saying (or perhaps what Rand was trying to express). Since I have read a significant amount of both of their work this article was not surprising or shocking or sexist--on the contrary. I had never understood the remarks Rand had made that seemed sexist to me until I read this article. Brilliant as she was, she was still a product of her time to some degree. But now I think she was LESS sexist than I used to.
July 23, 2008
self-esteem,
November 28, 2013
Me gustó y me ayudó a entender cosas.
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews