Creating a Culture of Tenderness: Embracing Our Kinship with All of Life

by Pema Chödrön, Greg Boyle

Join two beloved spiritual luminaries for a conversation full of kinship, laughter, and joyful truths

What do a Jesuit priest and a Buddhist nun have in common? It may sound like the opening to a joke, but it’s actually the question that initiated an extraordinary spiritual collaboration.

Father Greg Boyle and Pema Chödrön came together in a night of interfaith conversation for a great cause: aiding Homeboy Industries, the world’s largest rehabilitation, re-entry, and job training program for former gang members. Originally founded by Father Greg in 1992, Homeboy Industries has helped thousands of people find renewed hope after leaving gang life.

Now, Father Greg and Pema present Creating a Culture of Tenderness, an audio program devoted to what it means to embody one’s principles in the world. Co-teaching for the first time, here they offer an inspiring dialogue on recognizing each other’s innate humanity, the power of second chances, the profound connections between the world’s faiths, and how in service to others we can discover the most vital spiritual truths.

Genres: Nonfiction, Spirituality, Audiobook, Buddhism, Self Help, Leadership

Audio CD

Published October 29, 2019

About the author

Ani Pema Chödrön (Deirdre Blomfield-Brown) is an American Buddhist nun in the Tibetan tradition, closely associated with the Kagyu school and the Shambhala lineage.

She attended Miss Porter's School in Connecticut and graduated from the University of California at Berkeley. She taught as an elementary school teacher for many years in both New Mexico and California. Pema has two children and three grandchildren.

While in her mid-thirties, she traveled to the French Alps and encountered Lama Chime Rinpoche, with whom she studied for several years. She became a novice nun in 1974 while studying with Lama Chime in London. His Holiness the Sixteenth Karmapa came to England at that time, and Ani Pema received her ordination from him.

Ani Pema first met her root guru, Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, in 1972. Lama Chime encouraged her to work with Trungpa, and it was with him that she ultimately made her most profound connection, studying with him from 1974 until his death in 1987. At the request of the Sixteenth Karmapa, she received the full bikshuni ordination in the Chinese lineage of Buddhism in 1981 in Hong Kong.

Ani Pema served as the director of the Karma Dzong, in Boulder, CO, until moving in 1984 to rural Cape Breton, Nova Scotia to be the director of Gampo Abbey. Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche gave her explicit instructions on establishing this monastery for western monks and nuns.

Ani Pema currently teaches in the United States and Canada and plans for an increased amount of time in solitary retreat under the guidance of Venerable Dzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche.

Reviews

[Erika · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Better to stand in awe of what people have to carry rather than in judgement of how they carry it. “ - Pema Chodron

[Letecia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Listened to this twice. It is really insightful and inspiring. I particularly love the dynamic conversation with Pema and Greg about God. There were so many opportunities to laugh while listening. I could have listen to more... At the end of the program I feel open, tender and hopeful.

Perfect for pandemic inspiration. I highly recommend taking the time to listen.

[Kendra Purtle · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely LOVED this one! If you have not listened to this talk, you definitely should. 💜

[Danielle Palmer · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is an audio recording from a fundraising event for homeboy industries. Pema gage a synopsis of homeboy industries and the work they do. She organized this event just to get a chance to meet Father Greg. He repeats stories from his books for part. The second portion of Q and A was interesting. My takeaways were (some quoting and paraphrasing here): easing suffering is joyful, be kind to your imperfect self and it will help you be kind to imperfect others, seeking to win an argument is an escalation - dont approach it that way - instead be curious. Don’t demonize others, show compassion. I also liked the idea that meditating is showing yourself love. And how do you reconcile the intense suffering and the boundless joy in the world side by side? You don’t. You hold them both. That’s what it means to be human. If we got rid of the painful parts and just kept the joyful parts, that would erase what it means to be human. Open your heart and mind to that. Grieving is a gift - welcome it all.You have to feel it all and make friends with it all, become resilient. It’s all a gift, it’s all what’s happening in the present moment and we don’t want to live anywhere but here.We wish resolutions and healing came faster, but they don’t. Teaches us patience. Change your attitude. Cultivate tenderness. Reality is just my reality, not everyone’s. And as to people with polarized political views, find something you do agree on, and go from there. Don’t label and dismiss when someone behaves Strangely, be curious. Think “I wonder what that’s about?” (Even ask yourself that when something is making you uncomfortable). Everything is about something else. The behavior is a symptom, an indicator. Of what? Be curious. If you feel yourself reacting, work with your discomfort. Stay aware of your feelings, don’t shut down. Keep listening for any part of yourself that is closing, keep breathing and stay open. Stay with the raw material of what you’re feeling, don’t make a storyline for it. Don’t come to a conclusion, stay curious. Don’t get stuck in it but don’t try to make it go away either. I’ve read all of Greg Boyles books, and now I would like to read more of Pema! I liked the new word Tsewa, too. It can’t be adequately translated, but it is a warm hearted feeling that when you feel it for people you feel alive and good. And when people feel it coming toward them they feel safe and like they can relax. Tenderness is used by Greg instead of love for that because the word love in our culture can be a loaded word. Tenderness is where you meet people. Stand in awe of what the poor have to carry, instead of in judgement of the way they carry it.

[Jenn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Here’s a review draft based on your thoughts:

A Powerful Dialogue on Healing Through Tenderness

Father Greg Boyle delivers another compelling work in “Creating a Culture of Tenderness,” and the addition of Pema Chodron’s voice creates something truly special. This audiobook presents a meaningful conversation between two deeply spiritual leaders from different religious traditions—Boyle from his Catholic background and Chodron from her Buddhist perspective—yet their shared wisdom on combating hatred through tenderness creates a beautifully unified message.

What makes this audiobook particularly powerful is how these two perspectives complement rather than compete with each other. Boyle brings his characteristic insight and experience working with gang members and marginalized communities, while Chodron adds layers of contemplative depth that enrich the entire conversation. Their discussion feels authentic and lived-in, not theoretical.

The central theme—that tenderness can genuinely eradicate hatred—is explored with both practical wisdom and spiritual depth. Rather than offering simple platitudes, both speakers ground their insights in real experience of connecting with others and facilitating heart-level healing.

This audiobook will resonate particularly well with listeners interested in interfaith dialogue, social justice, contemplative practice, or anyone seeking practical approaches to building more compassionate communities. The conversational format makes complex spiritual concepts accessible while maintaining their profound impact.

Boyle once again proves why his voice is so vital in conversations about healing and social transformation, and Chodron’s contributions make this collaboration a standout addition to both of their bodies of work.

[Emily]

I found this audiobook on Hoopla and was excited to learn from both Pema Chodron and Gregory Boyle (a favorite author of mine). While I enjoyed the conversation, I don’t think I should rate it because it feels more like a podcast than a book (less than 2 hours). The individual stories are touching, and both Gregory and Pema throw out some great one liners that are full of compassion. I love the God that Gregory Boyle describes and the lens that he views his brothers and sisters (read his books if you haven’t already). I also loved Pema’s answer to a comment from someone who was feeling rage about Trump and his followers and didn’t know what else she could do to make changes. Pema directed her toward cultivating love---love for her self, then love for those like her, and lastly love for those that are not like her. She said when trying to make positive change in the world, we can’t do that through anger, hatred, and impatience. We need to be patiently cultivating the goodness we want to see around us, and believe in the innate goodness of all. Great advice. The world would be a better place if we were more like Pema and Gregory.

-“Better to stand in awe of what people have to carry, rather than in judgement of how they carry it.” (Pema quoting Gregory’s book, quoting Pema)

-“The measure of our compassion lies not in our service of those on the margins, but only in our willingness to be in kinship with them.” (Gregory quoting Pema)

-“If love is the answer, community is the context, but tenderness is the methodology.”

-As we feel the tender glance of God, we should then be that tender glance in the world, which will take us to the margins.

[Marie · Rating 3 out of 5]

A short listen; audio of a presentation from Chodron and Father Gregory Boyle about Homeboy Industries, founded in Los Angeles by Father Boyle. This is most enlightening for the personal experience stories of the young people who escaped the gang life through Homeboy, most importantly the bakery. Boyle delivers his words in a folksy Garrison Keillor sort of way; Chodron ums and ers, haltingly, especially in the discussion with Boyle about God.

[A. Hexalane · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is very surface level and was clearly an event meant to be entertaining rather than informative, so I don't understand its usefulness as an audiobook. It was nice as an outsider to Boyle's work to learn about its core teaching, but it would probably be better if I just read his book. Pema did not contribute very much of substance.

[Audiobook Accomplice (Gillian) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Whizbang-ish intros lead to a bit of a Whoops, but it all leads to the BEST meeting of two peaceful, joyful Souls…
My Full Review →

[Karen Berlin · Rating 3 out of 5]

A quick and worthwhile listen, this light-hearted and insightful exchange between Father Greg Boyle and Pema Chödrön illuminating their shared and varied perspectives on kinship, tenderness, humanity and God.

[Justin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I originally went into this wanting to learn more about Father Gregory Doyle, but I came out wanting to know more about Pema Chodron as well. Both speakers said many things that hit me in the right spot. This was a good introduction to both of them.

[Michael Storer · Rating 4 out of 5]

An affirming short read that has contributed significantly towards my positivity for today!

[Debbirder · Rating 5 out of 5]

I started reading because I really enjoy Chodron's teaching. I learned about the great work of Greg Boyle. This live discussion is delightful. I laughed. I teared up. I felt hopeful.

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I truly adore all of Pema's works thus far.

[Deb Handrich · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great conversation between two wonderful mystics.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book at times brought me to tears/helped me get in touch with my own compassion. I really appreciated it.

[Steffanie Kamper Culp · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really short. Not really a book. But a combination of Greg Boyle and Pema Chodron treating ideas and thoughts.

[JA · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great live recording

[Mark Robison · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a big fan of Buddhist teacher Pema Chodron and Jesuit priest Greg Boyle, I can say that you don't really need this.

It's a recording from a charity live event where the first hour is Pema Chodron basically giving an audio brochure celebrating Homeboy Industries (the organization Boyle founded to provide jobs and stability for former gang members in the LA area) and then "G" giving one of his profoundly moving talks filled with homie malapropisms and anecdotes with spiritual lessons.

The stories he tells the audience here end up in his third book, "The Whole Language: The Power of Extravagant Tenderness." They're brilliant and moving — and better than in the book, in part because of the interaction with the live audience, which is whipsawed between laughter and devastation.

The recording's second hour is a Q&A. I liked hearing Pema and G tackle tough existential questions on the fly. They're good, but they do it better in their books. Oh, and I liked how G shares that two of the most profound passages in his books, he actually borrowed from Pema's books without giving credit, only she doesn't remember writing them and had been citing him as the source of the brilliant thoughts after reading his books.

One of those thoughts: It suggests that the measure of health is our ability to stand in awe at what the poor have to carry rather than in judgment at how they carry it.

[Q]

not rating. This was joyful. Pema Chodron is a Buddhist nun and Fr. Gregory Boyle a Jesuit priest. They have inspired me because of their goodness and how they offer their lives for the betterment of others. G. (as he is called) started Homeboy Industries to help gang members find a different way. He wrote 2 books about it: Tattoos on the the Heart and Barking to the Choir which are delightful and wise. He is a great story teller bringing life and heart to the people at HBI. Pema has taught millions of people across the globe through her books and talks to end suffering. She also has a great sense of humor. And they both are honest which in today’s world is refreshing. They have so much in common. And they talk about that too in this short book, that was a talk given to raise money for Homeboy Industries,
It’s very uplifting. I enjoyed my time with them.