Ovid is a scoundrel and a creep; I'm glad Augustus banished him to the Black Sea. These poems have nothing to do with erotica, and I only give it one star for rhyming consistently and being relatively brief. I pity Ovid, having not the courage to pursue integrity.
Check out these gems:
"I may lack weight but not virility; And fun's the food that fortifies performance - No girl has ever been let down by me." (p.42) LOL
On being attentive to a potential (female) lover: "Small things please little minds: it profits much." (p.91) Nothing sexier than the challenge of wooing a bird-brain.
"First tell yourself all women can be won: Just spread your nets; the thing's good as done." (p.94) The "thing" being sleeping with married women. He actually said he prefers sleeping with wives and hiding from their husbands in the bushes.
"Though she deny them (kisses), take what she denies. Perhaps she'll first resist and call you rude, Yet, while resisting, longs to be subdued. But careful, lest her tender lips be scarred / By snatching, and she cry: 'You kiss too hard.'...'Brute force!' you'll say: it's force that women want, They love refusing what they long to grant." (p.105) Yes boy o boy do we love it. I think Ovid gave necessity to the phrase, "No means no"! A**hole.
"Brute that I was, I mauled her forehead, I used my nails to scratch her delicate face. She stood distraught, her features pale and bloodless, Like marble quarried from the hills of Greece. I saw her numb and faint, her body quivering...Her tears, long-hanging, down her cheeks came flowing...so my crime's sad signs may last no longer - Set your hair straight and put it back in place." (p.14) OMFG.
Ovid the pervert also recommends a great way for women to woo men is to literally steal from them. But then he goes on a tirade about how he cannot afford to buy presents for the many mistresses in his life, and how it frustrates him to no end. He also only describes women as "girls", and only in relation to how they make him feel (generally frustrated), never pausing to imagine their feelings, not once. God forbid one ever actually become vexed at him though, or cry; here's his genius remedy for assuaging the matter:
"Nor give her anger time to force...Into your bosom take the weeping thing; Kiss her, caress her, though she weep and weep: This way comes peace, and anger's put to sleep. When in full cry, on war she's plainly bent, Propose adjourning bedward; she'll relent." (p.120) When the "thing" is in "full cry", y'all!
Speaking of watery substances, his wisdom keeps flowing: "When man by cautious woman is refused, She just wastes water which she might have used. No, don't be whores; just banish from your thought / Vain fears of cost: your giving costs you nought." (p.130) Ovid is on full-charm mode here.
This vessel of vulgarity ends with, "Cured now, both man and woman, by my song." (p.173) OMG, only "cured" because this is done.
The only benefit of reading this book was it bringing me one book closer to my yearly Goodreads goal.