"the night is also a sun." (nietzsche)
sometimes in the great darkness of non-knowledge i can feel the tears of infinity rush slice my eyeball in two... an agonizing pain but the affirmation of a violent ecstasy, rupture without resolution, being without representation; the closure of the noumenal gap into the densest core of the self. in an explosive fit of self-sacrifice -- clawing at the walls of an unrecognizable, shattered voice; maternal self-destruction -- the wound reveals an erotic willingness to be fucked by the deep night of the invisible:
"the body sleeps and speech is cut off. and all the signs of friendship, so numerous and indescribable, all the words that god spoke to me, all those that you ever wrote -- i now understand that these were so much less than that which i see with such great darkness, that in no way do i place my hope in them, nor is there any hope in them ... o nihil incognitum!" (st. angela of foligno)
"and so, through this void, it was sight and the object of sight that mingled together. not only did this eye that saw nothing apprehend something, it apprehended the cause of its vision. it saw as object that which prevented it from seeing. its own glance entered into it as an image, just when this glance seemed the death of all image." (blanchot)
"in the halo of death, and there only, the self founds its empires; there the purity of a hopeless demand comes to light; there the hope of the self-that-dies is realized (vertiginous hope, burning with fever, where the limit of the dream is pushed back)." (g. b.)
"the domination of activity is that of the possible, that of a sad void, a decay in the sphere of objects. to subordinate ourselves to the POSSIBLE is to let ourselves banish stars, winds, volcanoes from the sovereign world. god subordinates himself to the POSSIBLE, diverts chance, abandons the choice to exceed limits ... a bond of aimmanence demands a laceration preliminary to the transcendent realm of the activity: such as stripping bare, childbirth, putting to death...(on the level of the comic, a joke reveals the impossible at the heart of the possible.)" (")
"when i laugh or when i have an orgasm the impossible is before me. i am happy but each this is impossible." (")
"(the child but without god, without father, alone in the world. laughing?) (a subway car, that and not hegel decides madness. hegel is only an accentuated form of it.)" (")
"yes, i live, i pursue a light dream. // but my inner clairvoyance? eyes apparently charged with sleep, discreet and smiling, imperceptible, it will never cease to keep watch." (")
this is the most important thing i have ever read.
"................................................this, nevertheless, is the instant...................................this, presently, neither my absence nor me, neither death nor light -- and my absence and me, death and light -- a light laugh rises in me like the sea, it fills the absence immensely. all that is -- IS TOO MUCH." (")