Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits : Secrets of Sustainable Intimate Relationships

by Deborah Anapol

POLYAMORY: THE NEW LOVE WITHOUT LIMITS, SECRETS OF SUSTAINABLE IN TIMATE RELATIONSHIPS

Genres: Polyamory, Nonfiction, Relationships, Psychology, Reference, Self Help, Sociology

180 pages, Paperback

First published March 1, 1997

Reviews

[Joseph T Farkasdi · Rating 3 out of 5]

My wife and I have a blessed relationship. The reason for this is because our relationship is grounded in certain keys ways. We married with the intent to mutually grow together, to openly experience each other's natures, and to be supportive rather than judgmental of each other. We married for the pro-family oriented structure that a committed partnership can bring to a home environment, and simply because we love each other. And, at first glance, our relationship appears to be the traditionally expected type of relationship. So, you might be wondering at this point what our type of love relationship has to do with a book about polyamory. The biggest point that this book makes about relationships is that successful relationships have challenges, and are grounded in the realization that we can work these challenges out. It's secondary point is that not everyone is meant to be in a monogamous relationship, nor does all relationships need to be monogamous to be beneficial and succcessful. But, it is human nature to form relationships. And, this book challenges us to look more closely at what it is that we are actually seeking out of a relationship. Is it the socially acceptable image? Or, is it working together to fulfill needs that each of us have - needs that don't always fit so well into the socially endorsed marriage structure? I wonder, how many relationships would benefit if couples realized that marriage and love relationships are inherently two unique forms of experiencing. One provides home/family structure, the other addresses emotional/intimate needs of the individuals involved in the relationship. And, whether you approve or disapprove of the variety of approaches that humans take to fulfilling their emotional/intimate needs and the resulting re-emergence of poly lifestyles as a result of this need, it is encouraging that humans continue to attempt to form strong relationships grounded in openess with one another, regardless the number of individuals involved in the relationship. Even as a marriage type, polyamorous relationships have their place in society for those who discover between them that they inwardly need more than what marriage to a single love can provide. I guess this is the beauty of our relationship, my wife and I. We can both find the sacredness in having a marriage that is open to the inclusion of significant others, whether we actually act to include others or not. For the most part, this book is a good read. I think Deborah's views on history are a little skewed, unfortunately, especially with who is responsible for the rise of monogamy and the control of women in modern times. Had she been less biased on this, or had left it out completely, this book probably would have gotten five stars.

[Kristine (fezabel) · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book always comes up in discussions about polyamory and its many forms. It is a great intro to polyamory, as well as a good reference for people already into the poly lifestyle. I found some important parts to be geared more for later in the relationship rather than introductory. But all in all, an excellent resource for polyamory.

[April · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a great introduction to the polyamorous lovestyle and an excellent way to explain to folks the differences many people who identify as "poly" see existing between themselves and "swingers" because there are fundamental differences...the nomenclature just hasn't settled out yet. One complaint- I wish there was a newer edition with more up-to-date resources.

[Shaun · Rating 1 out of 5]

Blah, blah, blah. I was kind of excited to read this book to know more about the polyamorous lifestyle. I was kind of disappointed though because the material seemed to be common sense for someone who wants this type of lifestyle: overcome jealousy, get involved with people that you feel like you can get involved with, and don't get involved with people you don't like. Seriously? That's the advice?

The other part of the book mentions about attending workshops to help you and your loved one(s) to living this lifestyle. I looked at her website and it's pricey. This book felt like it was part weak advice and part brochure to her workshops. I felt cheated.

To be fair, there have been many other books about polyamory that have been updated lately. This particular book was written in 1997 so it's somewhat outdated. It barely mentions the internet, and it talks about contacting groups using mailing posts or pen pals to set up your own polyamorous family.

My recommendation is that if you want to research this, find some places online. A good place is here and then from there, you can find other links about the lifestyle.

I wouldn't waste your time on this book however. Go somewhere else to learn about polyamory.

[Nandi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Enjoyed reading this, and getting inspiration on being more honest with others. Not necessarily the path for me, but interesting none the less. There are times where the author made me go 'Huh?', like when she was over promoting her workshops (the promotion of her other stuff in this book was the "surprise" it was the over kill of it at times) and a few times when she, more or less, forced the idea that "If where you're living is TOO rural or TOO isolated - move and move NOW!" sort of attitude b/c it would be harder to progress with that life style there. That put me off, b/c people live places for various reasons, and yes there are people who are unhappy where they live. But that's not the case for everyone. If those who choose to live in a more isolated areas (culturally, physically, etc), they can make it work!

[Frl Drosselmeyer · Rating 1 out of 5]

Polyvangelical. Comforting if you're the choir wanting to be preached to. Has a few case studies, not a great deal of practical advice. Read Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy instead, or Tristan Taormino.

[Meranda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Polyamory will not necessarily work for everyone or even on the first try but this book explains so much more than that. Dr. Anapol really explores history in a way that shows Polyamory is not a new concept, just a new name. This was a wonderful book that explains Poly, helps you explore your inner most desires and helps you to realize that what's socially acceptable isn't always what's right for every individual.

[Jonathan · Rating 3 out of 5]

You can have as many sexual partners as you like, and so can they; and as long as everyone knows what's what, it's all hunky-dory.

[Danita · Rating 2 out of 5]

annoyingly smug

[Elicia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really informative with personal anecdotes from the authors.

[Ryan Hayes · Rating 3 out of 5]

Speedread this title to inventory its ideas. Check out the eight steps and ideas on jealousy and transitioning.