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The Wonder Of Aging
The years after fifty are generally discussed in terms of health: what are the physical symptoms that come with advancing age, and what can we do about them? The Wonder of Aging goes beyond these topics to serve as both a spiritual, meditative guide and a practical exploration of the emotional and psychological dimensions of the second half of life. This profound audiobook looks at aging as something positive, life-giving, and miraculous. In his characteristically accessible and moving prose, family therapist Michael Gurian shows how we become elders. The world needs our wisdom, he argues, and he shows us how to develop and share it. Called "the people's philosopher" for his ability to apply scientific ideas to our ordinary lives, Gurian sees life after fifty as an enormously fruitful, exciting, and fulfilling time. Drawing on groundbreaking research in neuroscience as well as anecdotes from his many clients over the last two decades, he goes beyond the physical-centered view of aging to present a new, holistic paradigm that embraces the soul-enriching opportunities of fifty and beyond. The Wonder of Aging divides the second half of life into three stages: the Age of Transformation, from our late forties to around sixty; the Age of Distinction, from sixty to seventy-five; and the Age of Completion, which involves the final stage of our journey. Discussing topics such as sex, how men and women age differently, the effects of aging on the brain, grandparenting, living with purpose, and what to expect in your last chapter, Gurian also provides meditations and exercises to help you design your present and future. Written with Gurian's courageously optimistic outlook on life, The Wonder of Aging is a comprehensive and comforting road map of what to expect in the second half of your life?and how to celebrate it. The elder years can be a journey into something richer and deeper, full of hope and meaning rather than a sense of fate, and this audiobook gives you the tools to revel in them to the fullest.
Audio CD
First published June 1, 2013
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302 people want to read
About the author
Michael Gurian
58 books72 followersMichael Gurian is an American author and social philosopher. He works as a marriage and family counselor and corporate consultant. He has published twenty-eight books, several of which were New York Times bestseller list bestsellers. He is considered, along with Leonard Sax, as one of the major proponents of the post-modern "single-sex academic classes" movement.
Gurian taught at Gonzaga University, Eastern Washington University, and Ankara University. His work tends to focus on sex differences and how they contribute to learning.
He is also a co-founder of the Gurian Institute, which trains professionals who deal with the developmental aspects of childhood. The Gurian Institute has trained more than 60,000 teachers from over 2,000 different schools. Some of these schools become "GI Model Schools" and aim to leverage the role gender plays in learning styles.
Gurian taught at Gonzaga University, Eastern Washington University, and Ankara University. His work tends to focus on sex differences and how they contribute to learning.
He is also a co-founder of the Gurian Institute, which trains professionals who deal with the developmental aspects of childhood. The Gurian Institute has trained more than 60,000 teachers from over 2,000 different schools. Some of these schools become "GI Model Schools" and aim to leverage the role gender plays in learning styles.
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Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews
February 14, 2018
"All elders are old people, but not all old people are elders." - Michael Gurian
I really thought hard about how many stars to give this book. For the overarching themes, I wanted to give it four stars. For the execution of this book, I wanted to give it two stars. So it gets three, maybe 2.7 stars.
THE GOOD
* People, their friends and their families will be better off if they accept aging as a natural process. * The years after 50 can be a time of embracing and creating wisdom and accepting second chances.
* People may find they can turn from strictly economic concerns to more help-oriented/spirited ones.
* The world needs visible elders who can show that aging and death are not things to be feared.
* I felt less alone and weird after reading the stories of many elders.
THE BAD
The worst part about this book is the near constant assumption that aging people will have children and grandchildren. I grant this is the majority case and it needs to be addressed. BUT you can't have a book on aging "for everyone" without acknowledging, and ideally addressing, the situations of the many people who either never married or who never had children. It may sound like whining that we're ignored, but we're pretty much ignored everywhere. It's like our culture is incapable of really seeing the permanently single people or barren couples. I'm getting too old to accept being invisible without protest.
Another factor that hinders a full-bodied endorsement of his book is what I feel is the exaggeration of differences between men and women, especially as they age. He several times talks about how dudes can only bond over competition and mutual insults. Men he believe bond mainly through conflict. I find this vomit inducing and have never enjoyed anything remotely like hazing. I've known women who aren't bothered by hazing behavior. While there are obviously differences between men and women, my reading of research on sex differences leads me to believe that we vary much more within our genders than in between them.
The other factor that concerns me is his embracing of things that seem like fringe medicine, like that andropause is a real thing very similar in magnitude to menopause. If you hop over to MedlinePlus and the Mayo Clinic, you'll find this is NOT medical consensus.
Finally, there's something I didn't think about until just now - I'm not sure Mr. Gurian takes poor people into account either. Throughout the book, working in old age is presented as a choice. A choice that can be made with respect to true fulfillment rather than needing money to live. As many Americans live from paycheck to paycheck or one major medical crisis from the streets, this may be a view of old age from the comfort of the well off. Though to be fair, he does address the circumstances of his father who was scammed out of his life savings.
But after all that, "The Wonder of Aging" should not be discarded. The main point that the world is terrified of age and death and visible elders are needed to quench that fear is compelling. There are ways to make peace with our wayward bodies. To the extent we can, opportunities remain to be of service as we age. These are things our terrified culture needs to learn and I felt inspired to be a light instead of cowering in fear of age discrimination.
OTHER DETAILS
The book is documented by endnotes, contains a good index and an unannotated bibliography.
I really thought hard about how many stars to give this book. For the overarching themes, I wanted to give it four stars. For the execution of this book, I wanted to give it two stars. So it gets three, maybe 2.7 stars.
THE GOOD
* People, their friends and their families will be better off if they accept aging as a natural process. * The years after 50 can be a time of embracing and creating wisdom and accepting second chances.
* People may find they can turn from strictly economic concerns to more help-oriented/spirited ones.
* The world needs visible elders who can show that aging and death are not things to be feared.
* I felt less alone and weird after reading the stories of many elders.
THE BAD
The worst part about this book is the near constant assumption that aging people will have children and grandchildren. I grant this is the majority case and it needs to be addressed. BUT you can't have a book on aging "for everyone" without acknowledging, and ideally addressing, the situations of the many people who either never married or who never had children. It may sound like whining that we're ignored, but we're pretty much ignored everywhere. It's like our culture is incapable of really seeing the permanently single people or barren couples. I'm getting too old to accept being invisible without protest.
Another factor that hinders a full-bodied endorsement of his book is what I feel is the exaggeration of differences between men and women, especially as they age. He several times talks about how dudes can only bond over competition and mutual insults. Men he believe bond mainly through conflict. I find this vomit inducing and have never enjoyed anything remotely like hazing. I've known women who aren't bothered by hazing behavior. While there are obviously differences between men and women, my reading of research on sex differences leads me to believe that we vary much more within our genders than in between them.
The other factor that concerns me is his embracing of things that seem like fringe medicine, like that andropause is a real thing very similar in magnitude to menopause. If you hop over to MedlinePlus and the Mayo Clinic, you'll find this is NOT medical consensus.
Finally, there's something I didn't think about until just now - I'm not sure Mr. Gurian takes poor people into account either. Throughout the book, working in old age is presented as a choice. A choice that can be made with respect to true fulfillment rather than needing money to live. As many Americans live from paycheck to paycheck or one major medical crisis from the streets, this may be a view of old age from the comfort of the well off. Though to be fair, he does address the circumstances of his father who was scammed out of his life savings.
But after all that, "The Wonder of Aging" should not be discarded. The main point that the world is terrified of age and death and visible elders are needed to quench that fear is compelling. There are ways to make peace with our wayward bodies. To the extent we can, opportunities remain to be of service as we age. These are things our terrified culture needs to learn and I felt inspired to be a light instead of cowering in fear of age discrimination.
OTHER DETAILS
The book is documented by endnotes, contains a good index and an unannotated bibliography.
July 27, 2013
This book leads me to look at aging in a more positive way.
If we understand our body both physically and mentally, the difference between aging men and women, we can change our attitude and shift our relationship with our beloved ones.
This is the time we can enjoy the freedom, pass on our wisdom, find the value of life. And gradually as our body becomes frail, we accept this as part of completion of life.
And finally, see dying and death as completion of life .
The author even brought up the idea of the freedom of choosing when and how we want to die, even suicide, as a service for loved ones, so they can go with their life, and we do not have to suffer on the last stage of life.
If we understand our body both physically and mentally, the difference between aging men and women, we can change our attitude and shift our relationship with our beloved ones.
This is the time we can enjoy the freedom, pass on our wisdom, find the value of life. And gradually as our body becomes frail, we accept this as part of completion of life.
And finally, see dying and death as completion of life .
The author even brought up the idea of the freedom of choosing when and how we want to die, even suicide, as a service for loved ones, so they can go with their life, and we do not have to suffer on the last stage of life.
May 27, 2014
There was a lot of good information in this book, yet I had difficulty really getting into it. I felt like the book needed more soul or heart connection. Having said that, I think that this book would be great as a springboard for a therapy or book club group for those who are Boomers, or older. I just think that it would take discussion and activities to bring the book to life. I did like that there were meditation exercises throughout the book.
September 7, 2016
This is the best book I've ever read regarding aging. He takes such a positive position on all the changes, and urges each of us to embrace them and seize the time we have in each phase. It's honest and heartfelt, I read it with my highlighter in hand. Everyone over 50 should read this book. Seriously.
October 22, 2020
I really liked this book. It seemed so appropriate to me, as I am in my early 60s. No surprise, he demonstrates how men and women react differently to aging. He identifies three stages in life from the early 60s to death. Of course, they vary for all of us, but these are guidelines. It does describe how so many marriages and relationships fail after so many years together. I enjoyed reading about relationships, finances, romance, sexuality, comfort, fulfilling dreams, just everything I wonder about.
November 25, 2020
I thought this was a good book. As I approach 50 I'm doing quite a bit of reading related to embracing each stage of life. I feel like I understood the first half of life stages better than the 2nd. This book has helped a lot with understanding the 2nd half.
The only reason for 3 stars is that this veered off into territory that I didn't feel was necessarily about age but more about relationships. I appreciated that information in some ways but a lot of time was spent on that, and it seemed more for any age.
The only reason for 3 stars is that this veered off into territory that I didn't feel was necessarily about age but more about relationships. I appreciated that information in some ways but a lot of time was spent on that, and it seemed more for any age.
December 29, 2018
Written well and very informative. Gurian is Jewish, I believe, and also speaks to spirituality. Lots of helpful advice and insight as people in North America are living longer. Some chapters and parts were more applicable than others, but he divides life after 50 into 3 main stages and suggest that a fourth may emerge if our longevity continues.
February 26, 2020
My first foray into reading about the concept of aging in our society. A little deep for me but I appreciated the discussion of the concepts of andropause, death with dignity and aspiring to the status as elder. I enjoyed these perspectives and look forward to reading more about this inevitable change in us all.
November 10, 2024
A lot of good insight into aging, the differences between genders and aging, how to appreciate each moment of your life, and to accept the gift of death and dying after coming to terms with your life!
September 5, 2025
I like the idea of later life in three stages. Age 50-65 age of transformation, age 65-80 age of the elder and discernment, age 80 and on the age of completion. Each with something to offer and ways to grow. The section of differences between men and women gain was also enlightening.
August 20, 2017
I really like this guy's books. They feel like an old friend with whom you can sit and talk and gain from hi s knowledge and insights.
February 22, 2018
All good interesting stuff.
June 2, 2018
Lots to think about. A bit technical at times, but covered a lot of topics. I would recommend to anyone in their 50s to 60s
February 8, 2019
Despite being 54 yr old, very little of this book was meaningful for me. Although, it was interesting to see where I was headed.
October 21, 2019
This book helped me to find a new perspective on my current stage of life.
June 17, 2021
Not necessarily ground breaking material here. But good reminders
April 4, 2025
'' If our journey becomes marginalized, or the culture hardens itself against it, youth worship will destroy the civilization.''
December 4, 2018
The timing was just right for me to read this book. I read and took notes throughout my reading. Although already through the first stage, having an empty nest, going through divorce and finding a new partner made age 50 a stressful but exciting time! Now I'm getting closer to age 60 and have a mom at age 80, and im now losing elders, so I found his writing about dying very helpful. I like how he uses real experiences from his own life and his counselling. Easy to read. It gave me much to think about.
September 4, 2013
The author who claimed as mental health counselor tries to reveal to those after 50 years old the three mental stages he perceived ... Stage 1 = Transformation (50 - mid 60), Stage 2 = Distinction (mid 60 - late 70), Stage 3 = Completion ... which he also revealed specific physical and biological explanations for various mental experience to be expected in these stages.
In chapter 2 and 3, the author defined the three stages ... started out with Transformation stage, which is primarily indicated by menopause or andropause leading to spiritual quest by means of readying oneself to the second chance in one's life time. Through the duration of this stage, one can transform from busy living to more meaningful living, confronting fear of inadequacy and become stronger, wiser and prepare to blossom in the next stage - Distinction. Distinction stage commences with retirement (for most) and then defining one's "distinct" legacy, which is the incontrovertible personal accomplishments. As an elder during this stage, one becomes more aware of life's internal workings, confident without ego attachment, leading to ego-less, happy and truthful self. Finally, the Completion stage surfaces through the aches of the body as doorways to the soul. This duration is to remain as healthy as possible for as long as possible until the very end of life.
The rest of the book is organized in five chapters focusing in 5 topics that are relevant to those undergoing the 3 stages. The author provided descriptive, biological and empirical information to readers to help understand why certain physical and mental experience occur.
- How Men and Women Age Differently
- The Wisdom of Intimate Separateness
- The Amazing Grandparent Brain
- A New Lifetime of Second Chances
- The Miracle of Dying and Death
Upon reading the book, I believe the age range of each stage is only a reference and will vary from one person to another depending on age that one will reach state of that stage. It should not be a surprise that these stages overlap one another in different degree for different person. Although the philosophy of the stages, including what to experience for the body and mind, as expressed by the author as one's second chance in life may apply to many people, there are always the unfortunate ones not able to attain the states in any or all of the stages ... either due to cultural, financial or just fate reason.
In chapter 2 and 3, the author defined the three stages ... started out with Transformation stage, which is primarily indicated by menopause or andropause leading to spiritual quest by means of readying oneself to the second chance in one's life time. Through the duration of this stage, one can transform from busy living to more meaningful living, confronting fear of inadequacy and become stronger, wiser and prepare to blossom in the next stage - Distinction. Distinction stage commences with retirement (for most) and then defining one's "distinct" legacy, which is the incontrovertible personal accomplishments. As an elder during this stage, one becomes more aware of life's internal workings, confident without ego attachment, leading to ego-less, happy and truthful self. Finally, the Completion stage surfaces through the aches of the body as doorways to the soul. This duration is to remain as healthy as possible for as long as possible until the very end of life.
The rest of the book is organized in five chapters focusing in 5 topics that are relevant to those undergoing the 3 stages. The author provided descriptive, biological and empirical information to readers to help understand why certain physical and mental experience occur.
- How Men and Women Age Differently
- The Wisdom of Intimate Separateness
- The Amazing Grandparent Brain
- A New Lifetime of Second Chances
- The Miracle of Dying and Death
Upon reading the book, I believe the age range of each stage is only a reference and will vary from one person to another depending on age that one will reach state of that stage. It should not be a surprise that these stages overlap one another in different degree for different person. Although the philosophy of the stages, including what to experience for the body and mind, as expressed by the author as one's second chance in life may apply to many people, there are always the unfortunate ones not able to attain the states in any or all of the stages ... either due to cultural, financial or just fate reason.
November 16, 2016
I picked this book up as I thought the sub-title was "embracing wife after fifty" and I thought that seemed like a good idea. With the bad eyes that an old guy like me has I was only mildly disappointed to discover that it was actually about "embracing life" (although to be fair there is a chapter devoted to the subject of embracing your spouse after fifty). Still, once I was settled into my recliner with my reading bifocals on, my hearing aid turned down and my support hose on (ha!) I dove into Michael Gurian's engaging book about aging, accepting and living up to the role that being an elder calls for. I found his explanation of the various stages of aging informative and his discussions as well as the examples from his counselling practice provided much for me to consider as I begin to think about what my next stage -once retired - will be. One thing I did find scary was the number couples in his book who were well into their third stage (70s and 80s) who were getting divorced! Wow, what a disheartening proposition. Readers should be aware though that Gurian is probably a twelve on the "touchy-feely scale" [with one being grumpy old guy everyone avoids to 15 which is Robert Bly, drum circles and man poems].
July 29, 2016
I was just browsing around the library and left with several books including this one, and was pleasantly surprised when I started reading this one. Throughout, there are many ideas, strategies, and things to consider going forwards, most that had never occurred to me and hadn’t heard elsewhere. Overall, it’s very positive and hopeful, and left me much more optimistic about aging rather than dreading it. Who knew there are actually some great opportunities in the second half of life? Also quite interesting was a section on how the dynamics of couples’ relationships can change during these years.
Definitely worth a read if you’re getting into the late forties or beyond. The ideas presented will likely make you feel more positive about the years ahead. A spouse, partner, or caretaker of someone in this age range could get some good insight as well.
Definitely worth a read if you’re getting into the late forties or beyond. The ideas presented will likely make you feel more positive about the years ahead. A spouse, partner, or caretaker of someone in this age range could get some good insight as well.
July 20, 2016
No one like to talk about aging. However, as the baby boomers firmly edge into their late 50s and beyond, it is a good thing that there are many books and articles coming out about how to navigate this life stage positively. While this seems a tad skewed toward male issues, the author, a social philosopher, covers the issues you might expect, but not down to specifics. There is no perfect diet plan or exercise plan here. Rather it addresses how men and women age differently, communication issues, a lot about sexuality, and finding new avenues for expressing ourselves (relocation, new career, new relationships, etc.). And yes, it talks about how to die well. Lots to think about.
February 29, 2016
I couldn't finish this book. The martial was good but it was soooo dry and felt so full of a need for validation or importance, that after weeks of trying I've surrendered. It's a shame because the material itself seems good, but I felt a sense of dread every time I've moved to return to it. I've read other books on the topic that were wonderful, so it isn't an issue of the topic itself. I gave it two stars because the content I did read was good. But when an author turns you off to where you can't bring yourself to finish, even when you know there's useful nuggets in there, well, it says a lot. Disappointing, too, because the title twelfth resonated and I wanted to love it.
October 11, 2014
Worthwhile read. Hard to find good books on aging because most are written by the relatively young... under 70 at least. From my age, 75, I have only positive responses to it, but what of if I read it to my 91-year old friend (who is in the process of writing a book, but not about that somewhat boring subject of "aging?")
March 15, 2014
Lots of good information about coping with aging and dying.
Currently reading
April 23, 2014Wonder of aging
June 18, 2014
Beautiful book outline the second half of one lives.
Treasure it, live it well with no regrets.
"It is better to travel well than to arrive." Buddha
Treasure it, live it well with no regrets.
"It is better to travel well than to arrive." Buddha
November 27, 2016
Gurian advocates continuing to learn, grow, and serve until the day we die. This sounds like an excellent plan to me.
Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews