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Inspector Cullot Mystery Series #1
The Case Of The Tattooed Buttocks
A DETECTIVE/MURDER MYSTERY LIKE NO OTHER…
Following the murder of a sexy, blonde bombshell (and, soon after, the bloody, gruesome, shocking murder of yet another sexy broad), ex-Inspector Cullot is called in to team up with his old side-kick, Detective Sergeant Watkins, to investigate the baffling crime. Together they set about solving the mysterious deaths at Bounderdales, the opulent mansion of the oil magnate, Henry Barble. A small group of the rich, decadent, sophisticated and ultra-sexy are staying at the mansion. What secrets are each of them harbouring? Who are the guilty parties? And what is the dark secret from his own past which causes Cullot’s frequent moments of dark despair? Why did he leave the Police Force? Did he jump, or was he pushed? Why does he now work in a department store, in Ladies Underwear? The police constable first on the scene of the initial murder, PC Blunt, is ready to record every detail of the case, and assist his colleagues in their work. But what is his own past..? Is he as half-witted as he seems? What about gorgeous, sexy blonde bombshells, Stephanie and Gloria? And louche, limp-wristed Anthony Newhome? And Barble’s son, Oswald? And Barble’s demure, bespectacled secretary, Abigail? And ex-movie star, Janice Butler? Are they all who they say they are, or are some of them involved in a deadly game of murder and revenge? How are these murders linked to the unsolved Night-Club Hostess Murders which took place two years earlier? And, most puzzling of all, what is the meaning of the tattoos on the gorgeous buttocks of the assembled ladies? Thrill to the suspense, the heart-ache, the twists and turns, the laugh-a-minute of this hilarious, baffling mystery. Get ready to follow the roller-coaster plot, with one surprise after surprise, and scintillating word-play and sparkling dialogue between the marvellous host of characters. Will you be able to work out who did it? A detective/murder mystery like no other…
Following the murder of a sexy, blonde bombshell (and, soon after, the bloody, gruesome, shocking murder of yet another sexy broad), ex-Inspector Cullot is called in to team up with his old side-kick, Detective Sergeant Watkins, to investigate the baffling crime. Together they set about solving the mysterious deaths at Bounderdales, the opulent mansion of the oil magnate, Henry Barble. A small group of the rich, decadent, sophisticated and ultra-sexy are staying at the mansion. What secrets are each of them harbouring? Who are the guilty parties? And what is the dark secret from his own past which causes Cullot’s frequent moments of dark despair? Why did he leave the Police Force? Did he jump, or was he pushed? Why does he now work in a department store, in Ladies Underwear? The police constable first on the scene of the initial murder, PC Blunt, is ready to record every detail of the case, and assist his colleagues in their work. But what is his own past..? Is he as half-witted as he seems? What about gorgeous, sexy blonde bombshells, Stephanie and Gloria? And louche, limp-wristed Anthony Newhome? And Barble’s son, Oswald? And Barble’s demure, bespectacled secretary, Abigail? And ex-movie star, Janice Butler? Are they all who they say they are, or are some of them involved in a deadly game of murder and revenge? How are these murders linked to the unsolved Night-Club Hostess Murders which took place two years earlier? And, most puzzling of all, what is the meaning of the tattoos on the gorgeous buttocks of the assembled ladies? Thrill to the suspense, the heart-ache, the twists and turns, the laugh-a-minute of this hilarious, baffling mystery. Get ready to follow the roller-coaster plot, with one surprise after surprise, and scintillating word-play and sparkling dialogue between the marvellous host of characters. Will you be able to work out who did it? A detective/murder mystery like no other…
232 pages, Paperback
First published February 5, 2015
About the author
Alan Hardy
39 books128 followersI'm a director of an English language school for foreign students. Married, with one daughter. Poetry pamphlets: Wasted Leaves, 1996; I Went With Her, 2007. I've had poems published in such magazines as Orbis, Iota, The Interpreter's House, Poetry Nottingham, Poetry Salzburg Review, Poetry Cornwall, and others. I have now written ten novels. I would describe them as surreal novels with plenty of comedy, satire, humor, romance, sex and adventure. They're shocking, original and respectful of nothing and nobody. You have been warned.
The nine published so far are THE CASE OF THE TATTOOED BUTTOCKS, THE CASE OF THE PINIONED BOSOMS, THE CASE OF THE DISAPPEARING CORPSES, THROUGH THE GATES, VAMPIRE HUNT, JULIA, GOOD QUEEN BETH, BRITT, and GABRIELLA.
THE CASE OF THE TATTOOED BUTTOCKS, subtitled AN INSPECTOR CULLOT MYSTERY, is a cheeky, exciting murder mystery, with plenty of thrills, surprises, witty repartee, suspense and sexy ladies, let alone a couple of gory murders. The story takes place in a country mansion, with an assembled array of suspects (a mixture of the rich, decadent, sophisticated and louche) who are all perhaps not quite what they seem and hiding God knows what secrets... Even the renowned Inspector Cullot, with his occasional fits of dark despair, and now working in a department store's lingerie section, is tormented by ghosts from his past... And does the bumbling, simple-minded PC Blunt, recording another Inspector Cullot case for posterity in an array of note-books, also have skeletons in his cupboard..? And do the unsolved Night-Club Hostess Murders committed two years earlier have a bearing on the case? And what about the strange tattoos on the buttocks of the gorgeous ladies assembled at the mansion? What does it all mean? You'll die laughing trying to find out.
Check out the two follow-up novels in the series, THE CASE OF THE PINIONED BOSOMS and THE CASE OF THE DISAPPEARING CORPSES.... let alone THE CASE OF THE TORN YELLOW SOCKS, soon to appear as the fourth book in this hilarious series...
THROUGH THE GATES is a time-travel novel, with the hero (or anti-hero) Mark travelling back to the days of World War Two. He lives in an old house with a big, mysterious garden where he keeps unearthing and discovering objects which draw him back into the past. He's also obsessed with a beautiful young woman he saw when very young, and his attraction towards the past, and journeys into it, are also an attempt to find her and discover who she was... Not to mention the gold bullion buried somewhere in Mark's garden...
VAMPIRE HUNT tells the story of Dr Joseph Aymon's return to Transylvania in search of Bella, his long-lost first love, and in search of vampires...to kill...
JULIA is a novel dealing with a young man's obsession with his first love, and his pursuit of her over seven years. Is he just a young man hopelessly and helplessly in love, or is it something more delusional...or even dangerous?
GABRIELLA is a cheeky, sexy portrayal of young love played out on the sports field. It's romantic, provocative, unabashed, and unapologetic.
BRITT is set in France during World War One, and is a comic, exciting tale of derring-do, spies, aerial dog-fights...and sexual shenanigans... In contrast to this world of sexual abandon and experience, we have Wriggles of the Royal Flying Corps and Britt, his childhood sweetheart. Both are innocents in a world they don't understand, and can't relate to. With a devilishly cunning German spy ring about to escape with top-secret information that might well bring about England's defeat, they are England's only hope. Will they be able to save England, and find true love...?
GOOD QUEEN BETH is a savage, no-holds-barred critique of the monarchy and present-day society, in a novel which is brutal and provocative, yet exhilarating and wide-ranging in events and relationships.
The nine published so far are THE CASE OF THE TATTOOED BUTTOCKS, THE CASE OF THE PINIONED BOSOMS, THE CASE OF THE DISAPPEARING CORPSES, THROUGH THE GATES, VAMPIRE HUNT, JULIA, GOOD QUEEN BETH, BRITT, and GABRIELLA.
THE CASE OF THE TATTOOED BUTTOCKS, subtitled AN INSPECTOR CULLOT MYSTERY, is a cheeky, exciting murder mystery, with plenty of thrills, surprises, witty repartee, suspense and sexy ladies, let alone a couple of gory murders. The story takes place in a country mansion, with an assembled array of suspects (a mixture of the rich, decadent, sophisticated and louche) who are all perhaps not quite what they seem and hiding God knows what secrets... Even the renowned Inspector Cullot, with his occasional fits of dark despair, and now working in a department store's lingerie section, is tormented by ghosts from his past... And does the bumbling, simple-minded PC Blunt, recording another Inspector Cullot case for posterity in an array of note-books, also have skeletons in his cupboard..? And do the unsolved Night-Club Hostess Murders committed two years earlier have a bearing on the case? And what about the strange tattoos on the buttocks of the gorgeous ladies assembled at the mansion? What does it all mean? You'll die laughing trying to find out.
Check out the two follow-up novels in the series, THE CASE OF THE PINIONED BOSOMS and THE CASE OF THE DISAPPEARING CORPSES.... let alone THE CASE OF THE TORN YELLOW SOCKS, soon to appear as the fourth book in this hilarious series...
THROUGH THE GATES is a time-travel novel, with the hero (or anti-hero) Mark travelling back to the days of World War Two. He lives in an old house with a big, mysterious garden where he keeps unearthing and discovering objects which draw him back into the past. He's also obsessed with a beautiful young woman he saw when very young, and his attraction towards the past, and journeys into it, are also an attempt to find her and discover who she was... Not to mention the gold bullion buried somewhere in Mark's garden...
VAMPIRE HUNT tells the story of Dr Joseph Aymon's return to Transylvania in search of Bella, his long-lost first love, and in search of vampires...to kill...
JULIA is a novel dealing with a young man's obsession with his first love, and his pursuit of her over seven years. Is he just a young man hopelessly and helplessly in love, or is it something more delusional...or even dangerous?
GABRIELLA is a cheeky, sexy portrayal of young love played out on the sports field. It's romantic, provocative, unabashed, and unapologetic.
BRITT is set in France during World War One, and is a comic, exciting tale of derring-do, spies, aerial dog-fights...and sexual shenanigans... In contrast to this world of sexual abandon and experience, we have Wriggles of the Royal Flying Corps and Britt, his childhood sweetheart. Both are innocents in a world they don't understand, and can't relate to. With a devilishly cunning German spy ring about to escape with top-secret information that might well bring about England's defeat, they are England's only hope. Will they be able to save England, and find true love...?
GOOD QUEEN BETH is a savage, no-holds-barred critique of the monarchy and present-day society, in a novel which is brutal and provocative, yet exhilarating and wide-ranging in events and relationships.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 65 reviews
October 30, 2016
Blunt is a great character. He never knows what’s going on but still seems to be able to sum things up in his own quirky way.
Being a policeman is a tough job, especially if asses have to be exposed so they can figure out who’s wearing what color panties and which woman has what tattoo. This is an important clue since none of the witnesses can agree on what color panties the dead woman was wearing when she showed up the night before. Each person remembers a different tattoo on the dead woman’s butt but then each woman being questioned also have a tattoo on their butts too.
What’s going on with the drawn on tattoos and why is it ex-Detective Inspector Cullot seems to know more about this murder then he’s telling the rest of the team?
Something’s fishy going on. You’ll have to read to figure it all out.
This is a fun mystery.
Being a policeman is a tough job, especially if asses have to be exposed so they can figure out who’s wearing what color panties and which woman has what tattoo. This is an important clue since none of the witnesses can agree on what color panties the dead woman was wearing when she showed up the night before. Each person remembers a different tattoo on the dead woman’s butt but then each woman being questioned also have a tattoo on their butts too.
What’s going on with the drawn on tattoos and why is it ex-Detective Inspector Cullot seems to know more about this murder then he’s telling the rest of the team?
Something’s fishy going on. You’ll have to read to figure it all out.
This is a fun mystery.
March 30, 2015
There is nothing in the world as good as a mystery done well. All the clues fit together. The conclusion satisfies the reader. And this book did satisfy this reader. This is a classic who-dun-it with plenty of humor and wit. The author even refers to the classics, “No, sir. Mickey Spillane. Dashiell Hammett. Raymond Chandler. They’re my heroes.” And they must be the author's heroes.
The story begins with a dead body of a beautiful blonde found in a oil magnate's mansion. We are introduced to Detective Sergeant Watkins, who seems to be efficient and capable of solving the crime. The policeman at the crime scene, Blunt, is portrayed as bumbling. Unless he is hiding his intelligence, like the famous Lieutenant Columbo. The third policeman to the scene is Ex-Inspector Cullot. He left the force under unusual circumstances but has been asked back for this case. Who asked for him? An anonymous woman.
The story proceeds with delights such as these. We meet the seven wealthy suspects, who seem bored about the murder.
The story is a fun romp with many twists and turns.
The story begins with a dead body of a beautiful blonde found in a oil magnate's mansion. We are introduced to Detective Sergeant Watkins, who seems to be efficient and capable of solving the crime. The policeman at the crime scene, Blunt, is portrayed as bumbling. Unless he is hiding his intelligence, like the famous Lieutenant Columbo. The third policeman to the scene is Ex-Inspector Cullot. He left the force under unusual circumstances but has been asked back for this case. Who asked for him? An anonymous woman.
The story proceeds with delights such as these. We meet the seven wealthy suspects, who seem bored about the murder.
The story is a fun romp with many twists and turns.
April 10, 2015
An intriguing and humorous “who-done-it” murder mystery!
The Case of The Tattooed Buttocks by Alan Hardy is an intriguing and humorous “who-done-it” murder mystery.
I enjoyed the suspenseful plot with its surprising twists and turns, the witty and sometimes hilarious dialog, as well as the interesting and well-developed characters, with their flaws and secrets.
The Case of The Tattooed Buttocks by Alan Hardy is an intriguing and humorous “who-done-it” murder mystery.
I enjoyed the suspenseful plot with its surprising twists and turns, the witty and sometimes hilarious dialog, as well as the interesting and well-developed characters, with their flaws and secrets.
January 16, 2019
What a fun read! Recommend to mystery readers who don't take life too seriously.
A very traditional murder mystery where the detectives, suspects and victims are all brought together in one house. Mayhem ensues as further murders take place as the detectives try to separate the villains from the innocent. There are innuendos and wordplay on every page as the Sherlock Holmes type Inspector leads his team towards an arrest. Possibly not PC, there are scenes that brought Benny Hill to mind, but it is amusing and very well written. The characters are distinctive and memorable.
An entertaining and well thought out read.
A very traditional murder mystery where the detectives, suspects and victims are all brought together in one house. Mayhem ensues as further murders take place as the detectives try to separate the villains from the innocent. There are innuendos and wordplay on every page as the Sherlock Holmes type Inspector leads his team towards an arrest. Possibly not PC, there are scenes that brought Benny Hill to mind, but it is amusing and very well written. The characters are distinctive and memorable.
An entertaining and well thought out read.
March 4, 2017
This book has a pretty strong beginning, but it loses itself halfway through.
The constant language lessons, and the mixing up of terms (clitoris-clivities, aphorisms-a4isms) got really old really quick.
The book kept almost all clues hidden, so that the readers wouldn't be able to figure out the mystery and be blown away by the "great detective" Cullot's reasoning.
Most of the characters were idiots, or just plain mean. It gets to the point when one of the officers almost has sex with a witness he's supposed to protect.
It also bothered me that every single woman was some sort of sex crazed seductress. The only one who isn't portrayed as such is the older lady, who is well into her 60s or 70s.
In summary, the book starts off well, but loses itself trying to make Cullot look clever.
The constant language lessons, and the mixing up of terms (clitoris-clivities, aphorisms-a4isms) got really old really quick.
The book kept almost all clues hidden, so that the readers wouldn't be able to figure out the mystery and be blown away by the "great detective" Cullot's reasoning.
Most of the characters were idiots, or just plain mean. It gets to the point when one of the officers almost has sex with a witness he's supposed to protect.
It also bothered me that every single woman was some sort of sex crazed seductress. The only one who isn't portrayed as such is the older lady, who is well into her 60s or 70s.
In summary, the book starts off well, but loses itself trying to make Cullot look clever.
February 24, 2015
Alan Hardy never fails to entertain me. His dry sense of humor and quick wit always engage me in his stories and keep me laughing, guessing and reading more and more.
This book is a murder mystery that will keep you guessing as Alan takes you through twists and turns in which you continually try to figure out who did it. The characters are interesting, believable and yet have their own quirks, just like everyone else.
This book, just like Alan's other books is worth the read and will keep you wonder what he can possibly come up with next. Great job Alan.
This book is a murder mystery that will keep you guessing as Alan takes you through twists and turns in which you continually try to figure out who did it. The characters are interesting, believable and yet have their own quirks, just like everyone else.
This book, just like Alan's other books is worth the read and will keep you wonder what he can possibly come up with next. Great job Alan.
March 29, 2015
Alan Hardy has become one of my favorite authors. All of his books are filled with twists and turns, keeping you on the edge of your seat with these who-done-its. The Case Of The Tattooed Buttocks: An Inspector Cullot Mystery had me hooked from the first intriguing chapter. It has it all: suspense, mystery, humor… Very entertaining with well-written British characters that you won’t soon forget! I’m not one to give out spoilers, but if you love classic mysteries, I highly recommend, and would love to see it become a movie! Five Stars for this one!
March 27, 2015
I really enjoyed reading this book. The twist of the story is very intriguing and full of thrill. I can't resist turning the pages from chapter to chapter. Anyone who wants to read murder mystery stories will definitely love this. A great book of Alan Hardy!
March 11, 2015
A wonderful and witty mystery. Another winner from Alan Hardy's immagination. Incredible book. You can’t afford not to read this one.
Netty Ejike, romance writer
Netty Ejike, romance writer
May 22, 2019
I'm not a big fan of cozy mysteries. Given that, I’m not sure how The Case of the Tattooed Buttocks (Inspector Cullot Mystery Series #1) got on my Amazon recommendations, but with a title like it has, I had to add it to my TBR list. Here are my thoughts!
Synopsis (from the author):
A DETECTIVE/MURDER MYSTERY LIKE NO OTHER…
Following the murder of a sexy, blonde bombshell (and, soon after, the bloody, gruesome, shocking murder of yet another sexy broad), ex-Inspector Cullot is called in to team up with his old side-kick, Detective Sergeant Watkins, to investigate the baffling crime. Together they set about solving the mysterious deaths at Bounderdales, the opulent mansion of the oil magnate, Henry Barble. A small group of the rich, decadent, sophisticated and ultra-sexy are staying at the mansion. What secrets are each of them harbouring? Who are the guilty parties? And what is the dark secret from his own past which causes Cullot’s frequent moments of dark despair? Why did he leave the Police Force? Did he jump, or was he pushed? Why does he now work in a department store, in Ladies Underwear?
The police constable first on the scene of the initial murder, PC Blunt, is ready to record every detail of the case, and assist his colleagues in their work. But what is his own past..? Is he as half-witted as he seems? What about gorgeous, sexy blonde bombshells, Stephanie and Gloria? And louche, limp-wristed Anthony Newhome? And Barble’s son, Oswald? And Barble’s demure, bespectacled secretary, Abigail? And ex-movie star, Janice Butler? Are they all who they say they are, or are some of them involved in a deadly game of murder and revenge? How are these murders linked to the unsolved Night-Club Hostess Murders which took place two years earlier? And, most puzzling of all, what is the meaning of the tattoos on the gorgeous buttocks of the assembled ladies? Thrill to the suspense, the heart-ache, the twists and turns, the laugh-a-minute of this hilarious, baffling mystery. Get ready to follow the roller-coaster plot, with one surprise after surprise, and scintillating word-play and sparkling dialogue between the marvellous host of characters. Will you be able to work out who did it? A detective/murder mystery like no other…
What I liked:
The Case of the Tattooed Buttocks was an interesting read. Lots of quirky characters, plenty of humorous moments, and a murder made for a good story. Add to the plot the backstory of Inspector Cullot, his interest in ladies undergarments, his dark episodes, and fun plays on words, and you have many elements of an entertaining novel.
What I didn’t like:
My biggest complaint is the book tried too hard to be funny. The constant correction of PC Blount by Watkins (and others), along with the too frequent mispronunciation of his name failed to move the story forward. Cullot’s mysterious musings got old quickly, too. Lastly, the meandering path to solve the mystery made it difficult to follow.
Overall impression:
I was optimistic about reading The Case of the Tattooed Buttocks. Sadly, the book disappointed me to a degree. The book had some neat elements that I enjoyed. Despite the good parts, I tired of the characters constantly correcting PC Blount and the mispronunciation of his name. In addition, the path to solving the mystery meandered a little aimlessly. Lastly, the excessive effort at humor detracted from the story. Perhaps the intent of the book was to poke fun at the cozy mystery genre. All told, if you enjoy racy cozy mysteries, read this one and decide for yourself!
My rating:
3.5 Stars (Rounded to 4 stars)
Synopsis (from the author):
A DETECTIVE/MURDER MYSTERY LIKE NO OTHER…
Following the murder of a sexy, blonde bombshell (and, soon after, the bloody, gruesome, shocking murder of yet another sexy broad), ex-Inspector Cullot is called in to team up with his old side-kick, Detective Sergeant Watkins, to investigate the baffling crime. Together they set about solving the mysterious deaths at Bounderdales, the opulent mansion of the oil magnate, Henry Barble. A small group of the rich, decadent, sophisticated and ultra-sexy are staying at the mansion. What secrets are each of them harbouring? Who are the guilty parties? And what is the dark secret from his own past which causes Cullot’s frequent moments of dark despair? Why did he leave the Police Force? Did he jump, or was he pushed? Why does he now work in a department store, in Ladies Underwear?
The police constable first on the scene of the initial murder, PC Blunt, is ready to record every detail of the case, and assist his colleagues in their work. But what is his own past..? Is he as half-witted as he seems? What about gorgeous, sexy blonde bombshells, Stephanie and Gloria? And louche, limp-wristed Anthony Newhome? And Barble’s son, Oswald? And Barble’s demure, bespectacled secretary, Abigail? And ex-movie star, Janice Butler? Are they all who they say they are, or are some of them involved in a deadly game of murder and revenge? How are these murders linked to the unsolved Night-Club Hostess Murders which took place two years earlier? And, most puzzling of all, what is the meaning of the tattoos on the gorgeous buttocks of the assembled ladies? Thrill to the suspense, the heart-ache, the twists and turns, the laugh-a-minute of this hilarious, baffling mystery. Get ready to follow the roller-coaster plot, with one surprise after surprise, and scintillating word-play and sparkling dialogue between the marvellous host of characters. Will you be able to work out who did it? A detective/murder mystery like no other…
What I liked:
The Case of the Tattooed Buttocks was an interesting read. Lots of quirky characters, plenty of humorous moments, and a murder made for a good story. Add to the plot the backstory of Inspector Cullot, his interest in ladies undergarments, his dark episodes, and fun plays on words, and you have many elements of an entertaining novel.
What I didn’t like:
My biggest complaint is the book tried too hard to be funny. The constant correction of PC Blount by Watkins (and others), along with the too frequent mispronunciation of his name failed to move the story forward. Cullot’s mysterious musings got old quickly, too. Lastly, the meandering path to solve the mystery made it difficult to follow.
Overall impression:
I was optimistic about reading The Case of the Tattooed Buttocks. Sadly, the book disappointed me to a degree. The book had some neat elements that I enjoyed. Despite the good parts, I tired of the characters constantly correcting PC Blount and the mispronunciation of his name. In addition, the path to solving the mystery meandered a little aimlessly. Lastly, the excessive effort at humor detracted from the story. Perhaps the intent of the book was to poke fun at the cozy mystery genre. All told, if you enjoy racy cozy mysteries, read this one and decide for yourself!
My rating:
3.5 Stars (Rounded to 4 stars)
March 20, 2019
When a blonde beauty arrives uninvited and expressing she has news only to be shared in Cullot's presence, you can bet it means trouble. Although murder probably wasn't what most of the guests at oil magnate, Mr. Henry Barble's, mansion were expecting. The details seem a little hazy, tattoos, underwear, no two stories seem to collaborate. Ex-inspector Cullot inserts himself directly into the investigation, taking point despite being considered a suspect himself. All too easily he falls back into his old rapport with his former side-kick, Detective Sergeant Watkin. But his presence is not a blessing to everyone. Something strange happened here, and it is down to them to uncover the truth behind The Case of the Tattooed Buttocks.
I have to admit, I wasn't sure what to expect, Alan Hardy's, The Case of the Tattooed Buttocks seemed as if it would be a fun read, and it was exactly that. There were some lines I couldn't help but laugh at. Whilst it is a well-constructed murder mystery, complete with hints and clues, it is also filled with characters who are brimming with personality. Filled with humour, intrigue, and mystery that will keep you turning those pages while enjoying every moment.
I have to admit, I wasn't sure what to expect, Alan Hardy's, The Case of the Tattooed Buttocks seemed as if it would be a fun read, and it was exactly that. There were some lines I couldn't help but laugh at. Whilst it is a well-constructed murder mystery, complete with hints and clues, it is also filled with characters who are brimming with personality. Filled with humour, intrigue, and mystery that will keep you turning those pages while enjoying every moment.
April 2, 2019
Following two murders, Inspector Cullot and his partner Watkins join up to solve them. Not only are the victims gorgeous sexy women but the scenes of opulent wealth line the pages to set the stage. And like with most good, well-written mysteries not all is what it appears for an oil magnate and the small group of rich staying at his mansion. Will the Cullot and Watkins solve this and what will it cost them in looking? There are surprises ahead that kept me interested and propelled the storyline forward. Much has already been written in reviews so no spoilers here as to the plot but suffice it to say this was a rather fast, witty, well-cast, well-written who done it. I’m looking forward to the next in the series and more from this author.
January 13, 2017
Some fun characterisation but the constant explaining of grammatical terms was highly irritating. I kept hoping that it would prove relevant to the murder mystery, it wasn't. This was one of those books that would benefit hugely from tightening up and my editor's hat was chewed to bits by the end. The relevant bits of story were quite thin on the ground and the detecting was on the illogical side. There is lots of potential for these characters but I was so frustrated with all the irrelevant detail that the 'whodunnit' reveal at the end was devoid of satisfaction.
I will be reading The Case of the Pinioned Bosoms soon because I want to see if the detective team grow into their potential.
I will be reading The Case of the Pinioned Bosoms soon because I want to see if the detective team grow into their potential.
September 5, 2020
Sometimes confusing but hilarious.
This book surprised me; from the title I suspected that it was going to have some sexual content, but almost the whole book was full of racy events. That was OK with me it just got confusing about who the murdered girls were and who were the real murderers and or accomplices. PC Blunt was so funny with the way he mispronounced the words how many notebooks and pencils he used. And Inspector Cullott's sayings about "it will all become clear in time", and "I have my methods", weren't very enlightening, but we're funny. I will definitely buy book two.
This book surprised me; from the title I suspected that it was going to have some sexual content, but almost the whole book was full of racy events. That was OK with me it just got confusing about who the murdered girls were and who were the real murderers and or accomplices. PC Blunt was so funny with the way he mispronounced the words how many notebooks and pencils he used. And Inspector Cullott's sayings about "it will all become clear in time", and "I have my methods", weren't very enlightening, but we're funny. I will definitely buy book two.
May 8, 2025
I made it through 21% of this book and had to stop. What really irritates me is that I bought all five of this author's books in this series! Granted, I wasted only 4 more dollars to buy them, but that was 4 dollars I could have used to buy books that are far more worth reading. It's like a human male with the Constable Blunt's intelligence was given free reign on his hormones and disguised it as humor. No wonder there are laws against sexual harassment! This level of stupidity is an affront on any gender's level of intelligence. To put this succinctly, I will never buy any of this author's drivel again.
April 3, 2018
This book was a surprise for me, a very pleasant surprise. I believe the author had a jolly good time writing this mystery, adding all the characters with their own peculiar quirks and all the going off into bedrooms. Hard to keep track. Aside from the mystery, which was good, and the who and why, I just loved reading all the back and forth conversation, even laughing out loud at times. I'm looking forward to starting the second in this series, and hope many of the characters are present in Book 2, The Case of the Pinioned Bosoms.
November 29, 2018
A 5 star, thumbs-up for The Case Of The Tattooed Buttocks (book 1): An Inspector Cullot Mystery series. Love the twists, turns and layers of this baffling crime. Author Alan Hardy style of writing is uniquely his even if the plots have a similar feel to Agatha Christie's - Detective Hercule Poirot. The Inspector Cullot Mystery series are set in contemporary and modern times. A great read.
January 13, 2019
So very, very disappointed in this book after reading so many good reviews. I found the humour very outdated and much of the rambling story repetitive. For me, the scenes with the bumbling PC Blunt got old particularly quickly and I just didn't like the two main characters Cullot and Watkins. The storytelling style lends itself better to a stage production rather than a novel. Just not a fan.
October 29, 2025
Cheeky.
Can picture scenes played out similarly to Clue or Hot Fuzz.
Wish it had a cast of characters for all the females.
The linguistic word play was educational and interesting - the first three times, after that it was just really redundant and tired (and I normally would really like that sort of thing -homonyms, homophones).
Decent mystery tho.
Won’t continue the series.
Can picture scenes played out similarly to Clue or Hot Fuzz.
Wish it had a cast of characters for all the females.
The linguistic word play was educational and interesting - the first three times, after that it was just really redundant and tired (and I normally would really like that sort of thing -homonyms, homophones).
Decent mystery tho.
Won’t continue the series.
February 6, 2019
I always enjoy a good who-done-it murder mystery. This was one made for a perfect afternoon read during an uninvited ice storm. I will mention that the writing style is quite blunt. There is no pussy-footing about sensitive subjects.
Four stars for making me chuckle on an otherwise dismal day!
Four stars for making me chuckle on an otherwise dismal day!
May 10, 2017
OK read
Not my type of writing . I didn't care for the characters, nor their roles in the story. Don't think I'll give it another boohk
Not my type of writing . I didn't care for the characters, nor their roles in the story. Don't think I'll give it another boohk
July 15, 2025
TRASH
Deleting from my Kindle. Couldn't even finish chapter two of this book. I like cozy mysteries, not whatever this is supposed to be.
Deleting from my Kindle. Couldn't even finish chapter two of this book. I like cozy mysteries, not whatever this is supposed to be.
March 11, 2017
Mysterious deaths keep occurring at Bounderdales mansion. So many people with so many secrets... and a secret from Cullot's own past. Ex-Inspector Cullot and Detective Sergeant Watkins, investigate, but Cullot appears to know more than he’s letting on.
Just like the other 2 Cullot mysteries, this story is full of slapstick humour, PC Blunt will keep you in amused and Cullot, who, since leaving the force, has taken a position in ladies' undergarments…Purely in a professional manner, of course
Just like the other 2 Cullot mysteries, this story is full of slapstick humour, PC Blunt will keep you in amused and Cullot, who, since leaving the force, has taken a position in ladies' undergarments…Purely in a professional manner, of course
June 16, 2015
he Case Of The Tattooed Buttocks: An Inspector Cullot Mystery by Author Alan Hardy
This is the first novel I have read by talented Author Alan Hardy and if there is one book I enjoy, it is a well-written mystery. "The Case Of The Tattooed Buttocks: An Inspector Cullot Mystery" does not disappoint and is even more than I expected it to be. With a murder to solve, Detective Sergeant Watkins discovers that ex-Inspector Cullot is very much involved in this crime. Police Constable Blunt, the first to arrive at the murder scene, assists in the case by sharpening his pencil to write down every clue in his notebook/notebooks as the mystery unfolds. Blunt...is not the sharpest knife in the drawer or is he really as dull as he appears to be?
Irony, humour, satire and a well-honed knowledge of the English language set the pace as Inspector Sergeant Watkins works in tandem with his former partner ex-Inspector Cullot. Their efforts to get to the bottom or should I say "tattooed buttocks" of the case is nothing short of hysterical. PC Blunt, as he takes notes, is eagerly lapping up the lesson on learning the differences between homophones, homonyms and homophobes much to the chagrin of Watkins.
A mysterious murder of a beautiful blond takes place at Bounderdales, the mansion where the elderly oil magnate, Henry Barble, resides. His red-headed, sexy main squeeze, Miss Andress is constantly at his side. Seven suspects, female and male alike, are all at the top of the list of people to be interrogated but there is an unusual twist in the case. Ex-Inspector Cullot seems to have access to some very odd clues. Perhaps he is a suspect too. Purple or red knickers...what does he know that Watkins and Blunt don't?
Wow....if you are interested in a very unique roller coaster ride with numerous twists and turns, you won't want to miss a word of this satirical detective/mystery novel. Very entertaining indeed! I may be tapping into my own puzzle solving abilities or sense of humour but I find the last name of the ex-Inspector quite comical. Cullot reminds of the word culottes...a female trouser-like skirt. Hey...I can't help but wonder if Author Alan Hardy and I share a similar wry sense of humor and he specifically chose this name to better describe the eccentric ex-Inspector Cullot. After all, Cullot does have an odd fetish and I think his name suits him well!
Inspirational Author & Book Reviewer ~ Dolores Ayotte
http://www.amazon.com/Up-The-Down-Lad...
This is the first novel I have read by talented Author Alan Hardy and if there is one book I enjoy, it is a well-written mystery. "The Case Of The Tattooed Buttocks: An Inspector Cullot Mystery" does not disappoint and is even more than I expected it to be. With a murder to solve, Detective Sergeant Watkins discovers that ex-Inspector Cullot is very much involved in this crime. Police Constable Blunt, the first to arrive at the murder scene, assists in the case by sharpening his pencil to write down every clue in his notebook/notebooks as the mystery unfolds. Blunt...is not the sharpest knife in the drawer or is he really as dull as he appears to be?
Irony, humour, satire and a well-honed knowledge of the English language set the pace as Inspector Sergeant Watkins works in tandem with his former partner ex-Inspector Cullot. Their efforts to get to the bottom or should I say "tattooed buttocks" of the case is nothing short of hysterical. PC Blunt, as he takes notes, is eagerly lapping up the lesson on learning the differences between homophones, homonyms and homophobes much to the chagrin of Watkins.
A mysterious murder of a beautiful blond takes place at Bounderdales, the mansion where the elderly oil magnate, Henry Barble, resides. His red-headed, sexy main squeeze, Miss Andress is constantly at his side. Seven suspects, female and male alike, are all at the top of the list of people to be interrogated but there is an unusual twist in the case. Ex-Inspector Cullot seems to have access to some very odd clues. Perhaps he is a suspect too. Purple or red knickers...what does he know that Watkins and Blunt don't?
Wow....if you are interested in a very unique roller coaster ride with numerous twists and turns, you won't want to miss a word of this satirical detective/mystery novel. Very entertaining indeed! I may be tapping into my own puzzle solving abilities or sense of humour but I find the last name of the ex-Inspector quite comical. Cullot reminds of the word culottes...a female trouser-like skirt. Hey...I can't help but wonder if Author Alan Hardy and I share a similar wry sense of humor and he specifically chose this name to better describe the eccentric ex-Inspector Cullot. After all, Cullot does have an odd fetish and I think his name suits him well!
Inspirational Author & Book Reviewer ~ Dolores Ayotte
http://www.amazon.com/Up-The-Down-Lad...
February 17, 2015
The complete package – should be performed live at the13th Street Repertory Theater
Having been an avid reader for many years, I believe I have not come across an author quite like Alan Hardy. It seems he has created his own unique writing style which cannot be compared to anyone. Hardy is not confined to a genre or a series and is one of those authors that can write about anything. Although each of Hardy’s books is completely different, his trademark wit and sense of dry humor is always there (hmmm, could it be that there is just a bit of a jab at that well-known book-made-movie about the girl with the dragon tattoo?) Tattooed Buttocks wins every time.
This book like Hardy’s other books will entertain you. It will make you giggle and will give you a few chills as the story twists and turns in a classic “who-done-it” murder mystery where you will be trying to figure out who the murderer is. Throughout the story, the author weaves a tapestry of chills and humor making for what I consider the complete package; very entertaining.
The characters are interesting and believable and like many of Hardy’s characters, they have unusual hang-ups and quirks, kind of like those people we know in our real lives. Hardy’s writing is honest and refreshing, showing us a glimpse into some of the twisted fantasies that many of us keep secret.
The Case Of The Tattooed Buttocks would make a great movie or mini-series. It could work. Hardy’s witty work, acted out in a British PBS min-series would be awesome, although as I was reading it, I kept finding myself picturing the story acted out on a live stage; perhaps off-Broadway. Please do read it and you will see what I mean. Five stars!
Having been an avid reader for many years, I believe I have not come across an author quite like Alan Hardy. It seems he has created his own unique writing style which cannot be compared to anyone. Hardy is not confined to a genre or a series and is one of those authors that can write about anything. Although each of Hardy’s books is completely different, his trademark wit and sense of dry humor is always there (hmmm, could it be that there is just a bit of a jab at that well-known book-made-movie about the girl with the dragon tattoo?) Tattooed Buttocks wins every time.
This book like Hardy’s other books will entertain you. It will make you giggle and will give you a few chills as the story twists and turns in a classic “who-done-it” murder mystery where you will be trying to figure out who the murderer is. Throughout the story, the author weaves a tapestry of chills and humor making for what I consider the complete package; very entertaining.
The characters are interesting and believable and like many of Hardy’s characters, they have unusual hang-ups and quirks, kind of like those people we know in our real lives. Hardy’s writing is honest and refreshing, showing us a glimpse into some of the twisted fantasies that many of us keep secret.
The Case Of The Tattooed Buttocks would make a great movie or mini-series. It could work. Hardy’s witty work, acted out in a British PBS min-series would be awesome, although as I was reading it, I kept finding myself picturing the story acted out on a live stage; perhaps off-Broadway. Please do read it and you will see what I mean. Five stars!
June 25, 2015
Writing a great mystery story full of red herrings and unexpected twists is a hard task.
Writing a humorous book that will have you chortling constantly is even more difficult.
Author Alan Hardy in his ‘The Case of the Tattooed Buttocks’ novel has taken on both challenges with admirable success. Not only is this a fast-paced intricate crime thriller, dotted with gruesome murders in a country house, in the most pure style of Agatha Christie, but his comedic approach will have you laughing constantly.
Hardy’s writing style is reminiscent of the great British mystery writers and adds a comfortable layer of familiarity to his prose. But without an outstanding Poirot or Miss Marple, the tale could fall flat. Not to worry: Inspector, sorry, ex-Inspector Cullot definitely stands there alongside Holmes and the irascible Belgian, as he leads his investigative team through an ever more complex puzzle until all is revealed in a classic climax. His protagonists are superb characterisations: Cullot, a mixture of brilliant mind and perverse addiction, a wonderful Holmes parallel; Sergeant Watkins, the ever faithful number two, with a few obsessions of his own; and the bumbling Constable Blunt, someone who you’ll remember for all the wrong reasons a long time after reading the book.
A most definite recommendation for all lovers of Mystery Crime novels and those who just enjoy a good laugh.
(the above review found on a mahogany table in a study…)
Writing a humorous book that will have you chortling constantly is even more difficult.
Author Alan Hardy in his ‘The Case of the Tattooed Buttocks’ novel has taken on both challenges with admirable success. Not only is this a fast-paced intricate crime thriller, dotted with gruesome murders in a country house, in the most pure style of Agatha Christie, but his comedic approach will have you laughing constantly.
Hardy’s writing style is reminiscent of the great British mystery writers and adds a comfortable layer of familiarity to his prose. But without an outstanding Poirot or Miss Marple, the tale could fall flat. Not to worry: Inspector, sorry, ex-Inspector Cullot definitely stands there alongside Holmes and the irascible Belgian, as he leads his investigative team through an ever more complex puzzle until all is revealed in a classic climax. His protagonists are superb characterisations: Cullot, a mixture of brilliant mind and perverse addiction, a wonderful Holmes parallel; Sergeant Watkins, the ever faithful number two, with a few obsessions of his own; and the bumbling Constable Blunt, someone who you’ll remember for all the wrong reasons a long time after reading the book.
A most definite recommendation for all lovers of Mystery Crime novels and those who just enjoy a good laugh.
(the above review found on a mahogany table in a study…)
February 14, 2015
The Case Of The Tattooed Buttocks: An Inspector Cullot Mystery by Alan Hardy takes an irreverent swipe at our wonderful police force, well Scotland Yard to be exact. What can I say, I love this author's work, he has poked fun at the upper crust, the Royals, Military and now it's the turn of the police and oh boy the author pulls no punches in ridiculing them to great delight of this reader.
A murder takes place in a London mansion full of wealthy deviants who flaunt conventions as much as they flaunt their riches. The body of the young woman is not in itself that interesting except her obvious beauty, what intrigues Inspector Cullot, Watkins and Blunt is the missing tattoo from her buttocks. This tattoo soon become Cullot's obsession for he must find it and solve this case to once more prove his worth to his superiors who deem him a nancy-boy pervert for dressing in women's clothing. Well they got that right.
The author excels with the intricate investigation of the strange suspects, blended to perfection with ribald humour, stupidity at its most stupid and deviousness on a scale not seen since Lord Flashheart rodgered Queenie.
Keep 'em coming Alan Hardy I am so hooked on your writing. Very highly recommended.
A murder takes place in a London mansion full of wealthy deviants who flaunt conventions as much as they flaunt their riches. The body of the young woman is not in itself that interesting except her obvious beauty, what intrigues Inspector Cullot, Watkins and Blunt is the missing tattoo from her buttocks. This tattoo soon become Cullot's obsession for he must find it and solve this case to once more prove his worth to his superiors who deem him a nancy-boy pervert for dressing in women's clothing. Well they got that right.
The author excels with the intricate investigation of the strange suspects, blended to perfection with ribald humour, stupidity at its most stupid and deviousness on a scale not seen since Lord Flashheart rodgered Queenie.
Keep 'em coming Alan Hardy I am so hooked on your writing. Very highly recommended.
April 16, 2015
This is, in my opinion, the British version of the board game 'Clue'....an adult version, albeit but such an entertaining read! The author took great steps in creating such great characters. Watkins - in my mind is a delightful mix of Sherlock Holmes, Inspector Closeau and yes, even the heartwarming Columbo.
Picture in your mind a murder, in the bedroom, with a knife, tattoo on the buttocks of the victim. Were her panties red? yellow? purple? And was the tattoo an orchid? A blue dahlia? Was she indeed a colleague in the sorority of the 'ladies of the night'? And how about the sinister, former inspector, female lingerie loving Cullot? What exactly is his role in this fiasco? Whodunnit? and why? And what was the noise coming from the bedroom? A female orgasm????
I am not a spoiler spiller, so you'll have to read for yourself but be prepared...you will laugh out loud at the banter between Watson and Blunt; and you'll smile at the '-isms', the lessons in linguistics and overall on the job training that Watkins bestows upon his subordinate Blunt as they seek to solve this horrific murder.
This is an enjoyable page turner that will suck you in as you go on this journey to solve the mystery. Well done Inspector Hardy! Five Tattoed Stars!
Picture in your mind a murder, in the bedroom, with a knife, tattoo on the buttocks of the victim. Were her panties red? yellow? purple? And was the tattoo an orchid? A blue dahlia? Was she indeed a colleague in the sorority of the 'ladies of the night'? And how about the sinister, former inspector, female lingerie loving Cullot? What exactly is his role in this fiasco? Whodunnit? and why? And what was the noise coming from the bedroom? A female orgasm????
I am not a spoiler spiller, so you'll have to read for yourself but be prepared...you will laugh out loud at the banter between Watson and Blunt; and you'll smile at the '-isms', the lessons in linguistics and overall on the job training that Watkins bestows upon his subordinate Blunt as they seek to solve this horrific murder.
This is an enjoyable page turner that will suck you in as you go on this journey to solve the mystery. Well done Inspector Hardy! Five Tattoed Stars!
May 1, 2015
Witty, Smart Who-Done-it!
Bounderdales, a mansion owned by an oil magnet, is the scene of a gruesome murder. Before the gorgeous blonde met her death, she planned on telling the occupants the reason for her visit, but insisted that ex-inspector Cullet be present. She never had that opportunity. After her body is discovered, Sergeant Watkins and PC Blunt show up to investigate. Watkins, Cullet’s former partner, calls him in to assist. The ex-inspector is a genus at solving crimes and has an astute ability to determine crucial pieces of evidence. The color of the victim’s panties is one of those.
PC Blunt is a fun character, who seems to be having a hard time understanding what is going on. He’s impressed by the great inspector Cullet and is busy trying to document the case. The author’s sense of humor comes across in Blunt’s dialogue. The discussions between Blunt and Watkins over the meaning of certain words had me laughing out loud.
The clever storyline full of twists and turns, the author’s dry wit and quirky characters kept me clued to the pages. This is a well-crafted and exciting read!
Bounderdales, a mansion owned by an oil magnet, is the scene of a gruesome murder. Before the gorgeous blonde met her death, she planned on telling the occupants the reason for her visit, but insisted that ex-inspector Cullet be present. She never had that opportunity. After her body is discovered, Sergeant Watkins and PC Blunt show up to investigate. Watkins, Cullet’s former partner, calls him in to assist. The ex-inspector is a genus at solving crimes and has an astute ability to determine crucial pieces of evidence. The color of the victim’s panties is one of those.
PC Blunt is a fun character, who seems to be having a hard time understanding what is going on. He’s impressed by the great inspector Cullet and is busy trying to document the case. The author’s sense of humor comes across in Blunt’s dialogue. The discussions between Blunt and Watkins over the meaning of certain words had me laughing out loud.
The clever storyline full of twists and turns, the author’s dry wit and quirky characters kept me clued to the pages. This is a well-crafted and exciting read!
March 3, 2015
What a hoot! This was such a fun read! Reminiscent of Agatha Christie's Ten Little Indians and the Hercule Poirot mysteries, Tattooed Buttocks keeps you guessing until the final pages. Unlike Christie, however, Buttocks has a decidedly raunchy turn and the antics of PC Blount will keep you in stitches throughout. Of course, the genius in this novel is the renown ex-Inspector Cullot, who, since leaving the force, has taken a position in ladies' undergarments (an employment he rather enjoys)!
Mr. Hardy adeptly takes the reader on a thrilling ride. The novel is peopled with quirky characters and takes unexpected twists and turns that keep you on the edge of your seat. The dialogue is witty and, I can tell you, the image of the lovely ladies of the piece baring their buttocks for Cullot, Watkins and Blount had me laughing aloud.
This is the first book I have read by Mr. Hardy and I am impressed. It is a very well written work that is not only an excellent who-done-it, but also a wonderful farce, and I recommend it most highly.
Mr. Hardy adeptly takes the reader on a thrilling ride. The novel is peopled with quirky characters and takes unexpected twists and turns that keep you on the edge of your seat. The dialogue is witty and, I can tell you, the image of the lovely ladies of the piece baring their buttocks for Cullot, Watkins and Blount had me laughing aloud.
This is the first book I have read by Mr. Hardy and I am impressed. It is a very well written work that is not only an excellent who-done-it, but also a wonderful farce, and I recommend it most highly.
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