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The Come as You Are Workbook: A Practical Guide to the Science of Sex
A new, practical workbook from the New York Times bestselling author of Come As You Are that allows you to apply the book’s groundbreaking research and understanding of why and how women’s sexuality works to everyday life.
In the twentieth century, women’s sexuality was seen as “Men’s Sexuality Lite”: basically the same, but not quite as good. From genital response to sexual desire to orgasm, we just couldn’t understand that complicated, inconsistent, crazy-making “lady business.”
That is, until Emily Nagoski changed the game with her New York Times bestseller, Come As You Are . Using groundbreaking science and research, she proved that the most important factor in creating and sustaining a sex life filled with confidence and joy is not what the parts are or how they’re organized, but how you feel about them . Which means that things like stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman’s sexual wellbeing; they are central to it. And, that even if you don’t yet feel that way, you are already sexually whole. Nagoski’s book changed countless women’s lives and approaches to sex, and now she offers the next step.
The Come As You Are Workbook is a practical companion to this bestselling guide, filled with new activities, prompts, and thought-provoking examples to help you exercise and expand on the knowledge you’ve learned. This collection of worksheets, journaling prompts, illustrations, and diagrams is a practical and engaging companion for anyone who wants to further their understanding of their own bodies and sex lives.
In the twentieth century, women’s sexuality was seen as “Men’s Sexuality Lite”: basically the same, but not quite as good. From genital response to sexual desire to orgasm, we just couldn’t understand that complicated, inconsistent, crazy-making “lady business.”
That is, until Emily Nagoski changed the game with her New York Times bestseller, Come As You Are . Using groundbreaking science and research, she proved that the most important factor in creating and sustaining a sex life filled with confidence and joy is not what the parts are or how they’re organized, but how you feel about them . Which means that things like stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman’s sexual wellbeing; they are central to it. And, that even if you don’t yet feel that way, you are already sexually whole. Nagoski’s book changed countless women’s lives and approaches to sex, and now she offers the next step.
The Come As You Are Workbook is a practical companion to this bestselling guide, filled with new activities, prompts, and thought-provoking examples to help you exercise and expand on the knowledge you’ve learned. This collection of worksheets, journaling prompts, illustrations, and diagrams is a practical and engaging companion for anyone who wants to further their understanding of their own bodies and sex lives.
204 pages, Paperback
Published June 11, 2019
169 people are currently reading
1912 people want to read
About the author
Emily Nagoski
35 books2,963 followersThe official bio is:
"Emily Nagoski has a PhD in Health Behavior with a doctoral concentration in human sexuality from Indiana University (IU), and a master’s degree (also from IU) in Counseling, with a clinical internship at the Kinsey Institute Sexual Health Clinic. She has taught graduate and undergraduate classes in human sexuality, relationships and communication, stress management, and sex education."
What all that means, really, is that I am here to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies. It's a small goal in the grand scheme of things - I'm not trying to bring peace to the Middle East or repair the ozone layer - but it's a goal that I think truly does have the power to change lives and, ultimately, the world.
You can find me online:
Twitter @enagoski
Facebook Emily Nagoski
Medium @emilynagoski
Blog
"Emily Nagoski has a PhD in Health Behavior with a doctoral concentration in human sexuality from Indiana University (IU), and a master’s degree (also from IU) in Counseling, with a clinical internship at the Kinsey Institute Sexual Health Clinic. She has taught graduate and undergraduate classes in human sexuality, relationships and communication, stress management, and sex education."
What all that means, really, is that I am here to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies. It's a small goal in the grand scheme of things - I'm not trying to bring peace to the Middle East or repair the ozone layer - but it's a goal that I think truly does have the power to change lives and, ultimately, the world.
You can find me online:
Twitter @enagoski
Facebook Emily Nagoski
Medium @emilynagoski
Blog
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Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews
April 14, 2020
Every woman should read this and then give it to their partner to read.
October 23, 2021
The worst and most boring book! Plus the most annoying fact, the author in every chapter was telling you about the next chapter and in the next chapter she was talking about the last two chapter .. No thanks, was a huge waste of time this book.
December 20, 2020
although I didn't do any of the exercises of this workbook, I still found it an interesting and important read, sort of a short version of the CAYA actual book (that I started but am yet to finish~ but is the more complete version of this which I think would be of more interest to me personally). I wasn't very inspired to give any of the exercises although I can see how they could be useful for some people. would still recommend
here are the 5 main points of the book, as summed up by the author in her conclusion:
1 we are all made of the same parts, just organised in different ways
2 there's a sexual accelerator and a brake
3 pleasure, desire, and genital response are not the same things (arousal nonconcordance - myth that genitals knows more about what a person wants or like more than the person does, eg "she said no but her body said yes" -> genital response just means that something is sex-related, not that it is wanted or liked)
4 responsive desire is normal
5 context shapes our access to pleasure
NOTES
-strong couple = "they are not couple who never hurt each other; they're the ones who find their way back"
-orgasm = "the sudden, involuntary release of tension generated in response to sex-related stimuli"- > it is different for everyone (although the rhythmic contraction of the pelvic floor muscle is the most typical sensation... generally you'll feel like you're "done" or "finished" in some way), but just like art, when you'll see it, you'll know
-1/4 of American women in their 20s have yet to experience orgasm, as far as they know
-the scripts aren't what about we we intellectually/politically believe is true: you can disagree with a script and still find yourself behaving and interpreting your experiences according to it ; its serves as a subconscious template written into your brain before you even became sexually conscious -> in the English speaking world before 1700s CE, the cultural script was that women were more sexually voracious than men and had to be controlled or else they'd run wild ; by the 1800s the script had changed and women, exp of the educated middle-class, were expected to be asexual while poor women were still viewed as sexually insatiable, with uncontrolled animal instincts
-the medical term for a female genital package is pudendum, from latin pudere = to make ashamed
-implement easy improvement of the context~ research suggests that putting socks on helps to orgasm bc it avoid the discomfort of cold feet, and release the brake
-desire differential is the most common issue of sex therapy seeking couple, and loss of desire is the most common reason for women
-one study found that the best predicator of sex and relationship satisfaction wasn't frequency, what they did or the orgasms, but whether they cuddle after sex -> the 2 common things of couple with strong sexual connections:
1 they are best friends - the relationship at its core has deep trust, they are there for each other
2 they prioritise sex - setting aside other worries of life and work when they are having sex 9removing the brakes and allowing the accelerators to be activated), just letting their bodies touch each other's, remember each other's, let their bodies remember that they like this other person
-on washing away the stress~ having a big old cry, sleep, affection, meditation and mindfulness yoga etc, creative self-expression
-creating magical circles -> spaces with ritual (reconnects us with home, including feeling of safety and comfort) and play (consequence-free practice for our adventures out in the world). sex can be play and sex can be a ritual. We lay our bodies down together, skin to skin, and we find our way home.
-recommended reading on relationships~ J Gottmann, the 7 principles for making marriage work + S Johnson's Hold me tight
- to learn more techniques on sexual performances check out www.goodinbed.com
here are the 5 main points of the book, as summed up by the author in her conclusion:
1 we are all made of the same parts, just organised in different ways
2 there's a sexual accelerator and a brake
3 pleasure, desire, and genital response are not the same things (arousal nonconcordance - myth that genitals knows more about what a person wants or like more than the person does, eg "she said no but her body said yes" -> genital response just means that something is sex-related, not that it is wanted or liked)
4 responsive desire is normal
5 context shapes our access to pleasure
NOTES
-strong couple = "they are not couple who never hurt each other; they're the ones who find their way back"
-orgasm = "the sudden, involuntary release of tension generated in response to sex-related stimuli"- > it is different for everyone (although the rhythmic contraction of the pelvic floor muscle is the most typical sensation... generally you'll feel like you're "done" or "finished" in some way), but just like art, when you'll see it, you'll know
-1/4 of American women in their 20s have yet to experience orgasm, as far as they know
-the scripts aren't what about we we intellectually/politically believe is true: you can disagree with a script and still find yourself behaving and interpreting your experiences according to it ; its serves as a subconscious template written into your brain before you even became sexually conscious -> in the English speaking world before 1700s CE, the cultural script was that women were more sexually voracious than men and had to be controlled or else they'd run wild ; by the 1800s the script had changed and women, exp of the educated middle-class, were expected to be asexual while poor women were still viewed as sexually insatiable, with uncontrolled animal instincts
-the medical term for a female genital package is pudendum, from latin pudere = to make ashamed
-implement easy improvement of the context~ research suggests that putting socks on helps to orgasm bc it avoid the discomfort of cold feet, and release the brake
-desire differential is the most common issue of sex therapy seeking couple, and loss of desire is the most common reason for women
-one study found that the best predicator of sex and relationship satisfaction wasn't frequency, what they did or the orgasms, but whether they cuddle after sex -> the 2 common things of couple with strong sexual connections:
1 they are best friends - the relationship at its core has deep trust, they are there for each other
2 they prioritise sex - setting aside other worries of life and work when they are having sex 9removing the brakes and allowing the accelerators to be activated), just letting their bodies touch each other's, remember each other's, let their bodies remember that they like this other person
-on washing away the stress~ having a big old cry, sleep, affection, meditation and mindfulness yoga etc, creative self-expression
-creating magical circles -> spaces with ritual (reconnects us with home, including feeling of safety and comfort) and play (consequence-free practice for our adventures out in the world). sex can be play and sex can be a ritual. We lay our bodies down together, skin to skin, and we find our way home.
-recommended reading on relationships~ J Gottmann, the 7 principles for making marriage work + S Johnson's Hold me tight
- to learn more techniques on sexual performances check out www.goodinbed.com
February 12, 2021
This review is taken from my IG account @descanto
When I read this book, I cannot help myself but to think about Pierre Bourdieu. Bourdieu once says that the masculine domination is so rooted and operates in the unconscious way in the society. And whether we like it or not, even though we call ourselves as a feminist, we often see every aspect from the male perspectives including women and their sexuality.
When we're talking about women’s sexuality, we often cooperate ourselves in the male perspectives and the feminist blunder. We forget that women and men are different especially when it comes to dealing with the pleasure department. Women are unique and they should be seen as who they are (read: Luce Irigaray’s for this point). It's easy for people to know whether men is into sex - most likely seen from their erected genital yet women are different. They may be ready and are into sex without even showing any signs. And sometimes, people always see it from what so-considered normal (in the society): she has to be aroused and wet for engaging themselves into sex while a man should have a hard-on. Women who do not fall into that categories are considered abnormal.
These socio-pressures and dichotomies sometimes affect women as an individual. Most of them think that there is something wrong within. They tend to forget that their “trouble” in engaging any sexual activities may come from the external factors. Their partner who may not be able to stimulate them because they see sex as a race for example. Other causes may be because of the stress and the pressure from outside including the ability to perform well. Both parties forget that sex should come naturally. It should be fun, enjoyable, liberating and exhilarating.
This book unveils those problems. It tells that women should embrace themselves as what they are including their not-so-ideal body or the preference of sex. Women are beautiful they way they are and they should not let the ‘socio-pressure’ to let them down. What I like the most is the fact that this book doesn't only explore women and themselves inside out but also give some encouragement to embrace their sexuality and the preference without being judgemental (or lecturing).
Worth reading!
When I read this book, I cannot help myself but to think about Pierre Bourdieu. Bourdieu once says that the masculine domination is so rooted and operates in the unconscious way in the society. And whether we like it or not, even though we call ourselves as a feminist, we often see every aspect from the male perspectives including women and their sexuality.
When we're talking about women’s sexuality, we often cooperate ourselves in the male perspectives and the feminist blunder. We forget that women and men are different especially when it comes to dealing with the pleasure department. Women are unique and they should be seen as who they are (read: Luce Irigaray’s for this point). It's easy for people to know whether men is into sex - most likely seen from their erected genital yet women are different. They may be ready and are into sex without even showing any signs. And sometimes, people always see it from what so-considered normal (in the society): she has to be aroused and wet for engaging themselves into sex while a man should have a hard-on. Women who do not fall into that categories are considered abnormal.
These socio-pressures and dichotomies sometimes affect women as an individual. Most of them think that there is something wrong within. They tend to forget that their “trouble” in engaging any sexual activities may come from the external factors. Their partner who may not be able to stimulate them because they see sex as a race for example. Other causes may be because of the stress and the pressure from outside including the ability to perform well. Both parties forget that sex should come naturally. It should be fun, enjoyable, liberating and exhilarating.
This book unveils those problems. It tells that women should embrace themselves as what they are including their not-so-ideal body or the preference of sex. Women are beautiful they way they are and they should not let the ‘socio-pressure’ to let them down. What I like the most is the fact that this book doesn't only explore women and themselves inside out but also give some encouragement to embrace their sexuality and the preference without being judgemental (or lecturing).
Worth reading!
March 28, 2025
Learned a lot from this book on a personal as well as professional level. Have been using some of the exercises in the book with clients and they have proven to be very effective.
The book is very much directed towards women, which obviously is necessary given the existing orgasm and pleasure gap. That said, I would love a version of this for men or one that is more gender inclusive. The girlish cover of the book holds me back to recommend it to trans male or non binary folks.
Other than that, a fantastic read!
The book is very much directed towards women, which obviously is necessary given the existing orgasm and pleasure gap. That said, I would love a version of this for men or one that is more gender inclusive. The girlish cover of the book holds me back to recommend it to trans male or non binary folks.
Other than that, a fantastic read!
February 1, 2024
This was the first Workbook I've ever done in full lol
December 18, 2021
Might not be my type of book, might have needed to read the other one first to get familiar with science behind it, might have... There is something about this book I could not stand- feeling I am being treated as a child that needs positive enforcement on each step- actually every time I thought of making a step or even before that. Could be that this is the right approach to such a sensitive topic where a lot of people feel uncomfortable with. I could not stand the way this book is written. Again, might be a personal preference, there is quite a high chance this book is useful for some- I simply couldn't get to the bit that was valuable.
January 2, 2020
A great workbook for beginners, or those who have problems or issues surrounding sex and enjoyment. Not too useful if you have already passed that point, and are looking for more interesting things to do.
January 25, 2023
Main takeaway - everyone is normal, in their bodies, desires, etc. Everyone is unique and their relationship to sex is absolutely normal. An interesting conversation starter, especially within a couple.
February 21, 2023
I did this workbook about a year after I read the actual book and found it to be a very useful refresher from the book’s concepts. I also think it helped me dig deeper into the ideas and further apply them to my own life and experiences.
May 3, 2020
«Как хочет женщина. Практическое руководство по науке секса» Эмили Нагоски. Одноимённая книга (без практической части) года три назад открыла мне глаза на истинную природу женской сексуальности, я рекомендую ее вообще всем и женщинам, и мужчинам.
«Практическое руководство» же оказалось кратким содержанием все той же книги, разбавленным упражнениями и заданиями для женщин. Но кто-то вообще выполняет задания из книг? Мне кажется, все обычно думают «Ну, представил, читаем дальше», и всё. Здесь, конечно, задания интереснее - чего стоит только анкета, в которой нужно отмечать впечатления от разных видов мастурбации - но мотивация все давно должна быть на уровне отличницы.
«Практическое руководство» же оказалось кратким содержанием все той же книги, разбавленным упражнениями и заданиями для женщин. Но кто-то вообще выполняет задания из книг? Мне кажется, все обычно думают «Ну, представил, читаем дальше», и всё. Здесь, конечно, задания интереснее - чего стоит только анкета, в которой нужно отмечать впечатления от разных видов мастурбации - но мотивация все давно должна быть на уровне отличницы.
February 15, 2023
I liked this book because it allows me to understand myself and my sexual desires. Before I started reading it, I didn't yet know myself or was in denial about what I liked about myself CEI Porn https://footjungle.com/category/foot-... After reading this book I allowed myself to masturbate to it and have an orgasm watching girls fondle their feet. That's how I became a lesbian. Pretty interesting insight for me.
February 28, 2022
I bought this book with Come As You Are, which I read first. The workbook is good but I think Come As You Are has more explanation and so works well on its own. The workbook can feel a little repetitive of the main book, but also not as useful without it. That being said, the exercises are useful and worth taking time over so I’ll return to them.
November 14, 2022
This book is so great- it’s a companion journal workbook to the book Come As You Are (which is also excellent!) but this book has helped me so much to come to a place of more comfort in exploring my own sexuality- feeling like it’s healthy to be sexual and enjoy intimacy with my husband. It’s been very empowering and freeing. I will continue to work through through this workbook regularly, too.
March 10, 2023
If you have the book that goes along with this workbook, you already have access to all of the information in this workbook. For that reason, I recommend just purchasing the actual book and passing on the workbook. If you are wanting a specific place to take notes as you work through the book itself, the workbook may be useful for you. Personally, I did not find it to be so.
June 9, 2025
Very good book. I feel like I have learned a lot about myself and that I am normal. This book is something that I must keep in arm’s reach at all times. Lots of great exercises to try. This book has really great topic to discuss with yourself and/or a partner.
February 10, 2020
Probably helpful for some. Triggering to me and not what I was looking for.
May 3, 2020
Возможно, для женщин с недостатком рефлексии эта книга и полезна
November 9, 2020
Goes well with the book. Just has a few extra exercises for each chapter.
August 30, 2021
An amazing workbook! I found it really drove the parts of the book home for me. I will be coming back to the exercises. Great for opening up conversations about sex
July 21, 2022
I didn’t love this with the writing prompts. Not for me. I don’t want those things on paper haha
August 23, 2022
Didn’t do most of the exercises, just wanted to reflect. Think this is more for women/afab who’ve struggled with sex-positivity and seemed like kinda base level stuff
November 13, 2022
The exercises are really eye-opening. It recaps a lot of the original book but I found the exercises profoundly helpful.
October 7, 2023
Thank you Emily. This book is life-changing for women in our culture. We need to take control of our bodies.
I wish sex education had information like this for young women and men.
I wish sex education had information like this for young women and men.
November 13, 2023
Some great nuggets of wisdom in here, but a lot I had already learned in therapy. I also cbf doing a lot of the reflection exercises.
August 20, 2024
Ily, Emily.
December 5, 2025
3.5 stars
December 7, 2025
Boring! This book might be just 5 pages, but the author decided to spread it endlessly .
Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews