It Never Goes Away: Gender Transition at a Mature Age

by Anne Lauren Koch

If you are transgendered, the feeling of wanting your body to match the sex you feel you are never goes away. For some, though, especially those who grew up before trans people were widely out and advocating for equality, these feelings were often compartmentalized and rarely acted upon. Now that gender reassignment has become much more commonplace, many of these people may feel increasing pressure to finally undergo the procedures they have always secretly wanted.
 
Ken Koch was one of those people. Married twice, a veteran, and a world traveler, a health scare when he was sixty-three prompted him to acknowledge the feelings that had plagued him since he was a small child. By undergoing a host of procedures, he radically changed his appearance and became Anne Koch. In the process though, Anne lost everything that Ken had accomplished. She had to remake herself from the ground up. Hoping to help other people in her age bracket who may be considering transitioning, Anne describes the step by step procedures that she underwent, and shares the cost to her personal life, in order to show seniors that although it is never too late to become the person you always knew you were, it is better to go into that new life prepared for some serious challenges.  Both a fascinating memoir of a well-educated man growing up trans yet repressed in the mid-twentieth century, and a guidebook to navigating the tricky waters of gender reassignment as a senior, It Never Goes Away  shows how what we see in the television world of Transparent translates in real life.   

Genres: Memoir, Transgender, Queer, Nonfiction, Gender, Biography

228 pages, Hardcover

Published May 10, 2019

Reviews

[Wren · Rating 2 out of 5]

Take my rating with a grain of salt as I could not finish the book. I do not recommend this book to other trans folks or allies.

I liked the amount of detail Dr. Koch gave around surgeries, but it was a difficult read as a trans woman because there were a few instances throughout the book that sounded to me like internalized transphobia. To be specific, there was one time in her book where she referred to cis women as "real women," which trans people are as well. In several parts, she encourages trans people to not be too hard on the people around them and not to have a big reaction when they reject you after coming out as trans because you may lose them. This is victim blaming and was very upsetting to read as I do not speak with my immediate family due to their rejection. Finally, during the interview portion of the book, she refers to sex reasignment surgery as a "full transition," and although she expresses belief in a gender spectrum rather than a binary, this seems to be in conflict with that belief. What fully transitioning looks like is unique to each trans person.

[ColleenM · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Anne Koch's book is excellent reading for an older person who is considering gender transition. I began transitioning 5 years ago. I would have liked to have Anne's advice as I journeyed through my transition. I would likely have chosen a different surgeon. More importantly, Anne's book would have prepared me better for the social challenges that I was confronted with. I can't say enough good things about this book ... and I've read dozens of books on the transgender phenomenon. I have recommended this book to others who are in the process of transitioning. I just ordered a copy of this book to be sent to a friend who is in the middle of transitioning. I agree with Anne's perspective that surgical transitioning should be a "last resort".

[Jackie · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a cis woman interested in LGBTQ issues in medicine, I really enjoyed Dr. Koch’s frank, personal recounting of her experiences. I’ve had the pleasure of seeing her lecture, and I was glad to see the book was just as engaging as she is in person. It’s really valuable to have an honest discussion of the downsides and issues of transitioning that doesn’t come from a transphobic place, but from a transwoman who has been through the ups and downs. I did roll my eyes some at the dismissing of ‘political correctness’ and ‘identity politics,’ but she’s very clear that this is just her own opinion. There’s also a heavy focus on passing, as it’s very important to Dr. Koch, but also an excellent interview with a therapist who gives a different perspective. Her advice and perspective will be invaluable for transwomen considering surgery and/or transitioning at an older age; while much of the advice is specific to those in her circumstances, I’d highly recommend this to anyone interested in trans experiences.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent and Inspired Reading for More Mature Transgender People

I got this book because I came out as transgender late in life and wanted to read the story of someone who also began their transition at a more mature age. Anne Koch inspired me to continue with my own transition but to proceed with caution, especially where GRS is concerned. She gives a realistic but compassionate view of what transitioning means for older adults from her own firsthand experience.

This is inspired and well written for anyone who is transgender but especially for those like me for whom the desire never went away to transition even late in life.

[Sue Summerill · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book

I have read several transgender books. This book started out okay,but then it was more of a walk through if you are considering transition. A lot of medical terminology. I feel so bad that people wait so long to become who they really are. Getting married is not going to make it go away. Too many people are hurt. Transgender people have got to get out there before their lives are over. God bless the author for sharing her story.

[GLADYS KERNS · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good explanation of the incredible complexities of gender transition by a member of the medical profession who went through it. I learned a lot and have a lot of compassion for those going through these changes. It is a very difficult and many-faceted process for folks to feel at home in their bodies.

[Mary · Rating 2 out of 5]

Anne Kock gives a lot of detail about the surgeries that she had for her transition. These details could be helpful to someone in the same position.
As far as her life before then, it was not well written enough to hold my attention.
I commend her for going through the transition - for being true to herself - and for writing the book, to help others.

[Cmadler · Rating 3 out of 5]

This memoir from a trans woman who transitioned in her 60s was interesting for the discussion of transition as an older adult. However, I found the book somewhat marred by an excessive focus on transmedicalism as well as a fair bit of gatekeeping.

[Jenny a.k.a....Jenny from the block · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m a transgender woman and I found similarities between Anne and my own struggles. One difference though Anne had support from her spouse and I do not. She’s right it never goes away.