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Uncomfortable Labels
"So while the assumption when I was born was that I was or would grow up to be a neurotypical heterosexual boy, that whole idea didn't really pan out long term."
In this candid, first-of-its-kind memoir, Laura Kate Dale recounts what life is like growing up as a gay trans woman on the autism spectrum. From struggling with sensory processing, managing socially demanding situations and learning social cues and feminine presentation, through to coming out as trans during an autistic meltdown, Laura draws on her personal experiences from life prior to transition and diagnosis, and moving on to the years of self-discovery, to give a unique insight into the nuances of sexuality, gender and autism, and how they intersect.
Charting the ups and downs of being autistic and on the LGBT spectrum with searing honesty and humour, this is an empowering, life-affirming read for anyone who's felt they don't fit in.
In this candid, first-of-its-kind memoir, Laura Kate Dale recounts what life is like growing up as a gay trans woman on the autism spectrum. From struggling with sensory processing, managing socially demanding situations and learning social cues and feminine presentation, through to coming out as trans during an autistic meltdown, Laura draws on her personal experiences from life prior to transition and diagnosis, and moving on to the years of self-discovery, to give a unique insight into the nuances of sexuality, gender and autism, and how they intersect.
Charting the ups and downs of being autistic and on the LGBT spectrum with searing honesty and humour, this is an empowering, life-affirming read for anyone who's felt they don't fit in.
192 pages, Paperback
First published July 18, 2019
61 people are currently reading
2926 people want to read
About the author
Laura Kate Dale
7 books126 followersSo, who am I? I've spent the last years as a freelance games critic, written for pretty much every gaming publication under the sun, and have a passion for digging down to the stories PR teams are not eager to talk about.
I love weird little indie games about sex imps living in Anne Hathaway's mouth, big sprawling JRPGs, and serious in depth discussions of the artistic value of video game character buttock designs.
I'm always looking for interesting stories about games, the people making them, and the stories that happened along the way to store shelves. If you've got a hot scoop, drop me an email or hit me up on Twitter.
I love weird little indie games about sex imps living in Anne Hathaway's mouth, big sprawling JRPGs, and serious in depth discussions of the artistic value of video game character buttock designs.
I'm always looking for interesting stories about games, the people making them, and the stories that happened along the way to store shelves. If you've got a hot scoop, drop me an email or hit me up on Twitter.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 160 reviews
January 3, 2023
Actual rating: 4.5
I was sent an eARC of this book through Netgalley, in exchange for my honest review.
As a queer and autistic reader, I was very excited to be able to review this title. Since autistic people are statistically more likely to be part of the LGBTQ+ community, it was very interesting to see this intersection of identities highlighted and explored.
Of course, Dale's experience is different from my own in a lot of ways, because every trans and/or autistic person will have a different experience. But we are the same age, and her experience with autism is rather similar to mine. So her book was hugely relatable to me personally. And because she compares her experience of being trans with her experience with autism, I've also gotten a more thorough understanding of what it's like to be a trans woman. In that sense, this book was a win-win for me, and I think it will be a very insightful read regardless of whether or not you're autistic and/or trans yourself. However, I hope and, honestly, expect that this book will be quite relatable for anyone who's autistic and/or transgender!
When it comes to the descriptions of autism, there were so many small details that were genuine light-bulb moments for me, as I still become (more) aware of aspects of my own autism every single day. I really saw myself in the way Dale explained how she experiences and processes the world around her.
This was such a valuable reading experience for me, and I will definitely be buying a physical copy so I can reread it and mark the most relatable passages.
CWs: transphobia, ableism, attempted suicide, discussion of suicidal ideations, depression, bullying, addiction, assault/harrassment, misgendering.
I was sent an eARC of this book through Netgalley, in exchange for my honest review.
As a queer and autistic reader, I was very excited to be able to review this title. Since autistic people are statistically more likely to be part of the LGBTQ+ community, it was very interesting to see this intersection of identities highlighted and explored.
Of course, Dale's experience is different from my own in a lot of ways, because every trans and/or autistic person will have a different experience. But we are the same age, and her experience with autism is rather similar to mine. So her book was hugely relatable to me personally. And because she compares her experience of being trans with her experience with autism, I've also gotten a more thorough understanding of what it's like to be a trans woman. In that sense, this book was a win-win for me, and I think it will be a very insightful read regardless of whether or not you're autistic and/or trans yourself. However, I hope and, honestly, expect that this book will be quite relatable for anyone who's autistic and/or transgender!
When it comes to the descriptions of autism, there were so many small details that were genuine light-bulb moments for me, as I still become (more) aware of aspects of my own autism every single day. I really saw myself in the way Dale explained how she experiences and processes the world around her.
This was such a valuable reading experience for me, and I will definitely be buying a physical copy so I can reread it and mark the most relatable passages.
CWs: transphobia, ableism, attempted suicide, discussion of suicidal ideations, depression, bullying, addiction, assault/harrassment, misgendering.
March 7, 2019
This and other reviews can be found here.
I was given an e-Advanced Reader Copy of this novel through Netgalley. Many thanks to Netgalley and the Publisher for the opportunity to do so!
Laura Kate Dale’s Uncomfortable Labels: My life as a Gay Autistic Trans Woman summarizes her life as a child through an adult, covering both her transition, diagnosis of being on the Autism Spectrum and her discovery of being gay. She talks about no only everyday things that are involved that are being part of these groups but also the long term effects on her and others that are involved in these groups.
Dale writes about how there is an overlap between being Autistic and Transgender, unfortunately, she only sources one article. While this is not my area of expertise, one article is not enough to prove that it is common. I was frustrated through the book when she stated things as facts but didn't give the evidence to prove them to be so. All of the things that are presented as facts are not and that makes a lot of the attempted academical writing in this book to be moot.
I applaud her for talking about how things are when you’re transgender. The most striking thing that she brought up was “passing.” Where you have to pass as “looking female” or “looking male” to be considered the correct gender and avoid being misgendered. Bringing this up here made me realise the need to stopping thinking of people as the gender that they look but as the gender that they wish to be called, regardless of my perceptions. Not everyone is going to look “traditionally” male or female.
Unfortunately a lot of things in this book were constantly repeated or she started to ramble. She at one point makes a statement about how her autism allowed her to focus and write four chapters in one train ride. Boy does that show. Dale meant to point out a good part of having autism but this statement is not a good one. Honestly, parts of this book remind me of unedited papers were things become muddled and unfocused. Of course there are good things about autism and hyperfocus can be one of them but that doesn’t mean that those 4 chapters should never be revisited. It progressively gets worse as the book goes on.
Dale has good intentions with this book but she falls short on the execution. I hope that before this book is fully published that she is able to add more resources, other than her personal experiences, and and remember that longer does not alway mean better.
I was given an e-Advanced Reader Copy of this novel through Netgalley. Many thanks to Netgalley and the Publisher for the opportunity to do so!
Laura Kate Dale’s Uncomfortable Labels: My life as a Gay Autistic Trans Woman summarizes her life as a child through an adult, covering both her transition, diagnosis of being on the Autism Spectrum and her discovery of being gay. She talks about no only everyday things that are involved that are being part of these groups but also the long term effects on her and others that are involved in these groups.
Dale writes about how there is an overlap between being Autistic and Transgender, unfortunately, she only sources one article. While this is not my area of expertise, one article is not enough to prove that it is common. I was frustrated through the book when she stated things as facts but didn't give the evidence to prove them to be so. All of the things that are presented as facts are not and that makes a lot of the attempted academical writing in this book to be moot.
I applaud her for talking about how things are when you’re transgender. The most striking thing that she brought up was “passing.” Where you have to pass as “looking female” or “looking male” to be considered the correct gender and avoid being misgendered. Bringing this up here made me realise the need to stopping thinking of people as the gender that they look but as the gender that they wish to be called, regardless of my perceptions. Not everyone is going to look “traditionally” male or female.
Unfortunately a lot of things in this book were constantly repeated or she started to ramble. She at one point makes a statement about how her autism allowed her to focus and write four chapters in one train ride. Boy does that show. Dale meant to point out a good part of having autism but this statement is not a good one. Honestly, parts of this book remind me of unedited papers were things become muddled and unfocused. Of course there are good things about autism and hyperfocus can be one of them but that doesn’t mean that those 4 chapters should never be revisited. It progressively gets worse as the book goes on.
Dale has good intentions with this book but she falls short on the execution. I hope that before this book is fully published that she is able to add more resources, other than her personal experiences, and and remember that longer does not alway mean better.
January 23, 2019
This is not a type of book I would have gone out and searched for myself. Simply because I would have never known something like this existed, or that it would be important for someone who is not all of these things (a gay autistic trans woman) to read.
But wow, am I glad this story seemed to find me through netgalley. This is a powerful story, and one I think that will be important for many many people to read. Spoiler alert: if you are even mildly thinking of picking up this book.. Do it. You won't regret it.
I learned a lot from this book. For one, I live in a relitively small town. Which means ive only met 2 trans women in my life. Only one of which Ive held conversations with (simply because one woman I only happen to see at Wal-Mart occasionally, the other I go to school with). I do know many other LGBT women, but not many who are men. The point of this information is: this book has provided me with insight into information I would have probably otherwise never found. I would have never made the connection between autism and the LGBT community. Or known how much of a struggle it would be to be all three.
I enjoyed how this memoir was written. I found that although it breaks down her life into categories based on a vaguely linear timeline, each part of the timeline follows that specific topic to the present (hopefully that makes sense). This makes it easy in my opinion to pick up and read a topic or two before bed, and feel like I'm not abruptly cutting off in the middle of a story. You can easily read this slowly and digest the information in your own timing without feeling like you may forget key information if you put it down for a few days. I flew through many topics, not wanting to stop turning the page. Then also enjoyed coming to sections where I felt like I needed to close the book and just ponder what I had read for a while.
I hope important stories like this continue to pop up. I also pray that things become easier for people who endure the struggles this book shows. I hope more opportunities for support and growth become easily accessible.
*If you are thinking about picking this up, then do it. You won't regret it!*
Thank you to netgalley and the publisher for this ARC. All thoughts are my own, and any other disclaimers. Yadda yadda.
But wow, am I glad this story seemed to find me through netgalley. This is a powerful story, and one I think that will be important for many many people to read. Spoiler alert: if you are even mildly thinking of picking up this book.. Do it. You won't regret it.
I learned a lot from this book. For one, I live in a relitively small town. Which means ive only met 2 trans women in my life. Only one of which Ive held conversations with (simply because one woman I only happen to see at Wal-Mart occasionally, the other I go to school with). I do know many other LGBT women, but not many who are men. The point of this information is: this book has provided me with insight into information I would have probably otherwise never found. I would have never made the connection between autism and the LGBT community. Or known how much of a struggle it would be to be all three.
I enjoyed how this memoir was written. I found that although it breaks down her life into categories based on a vaguely linear timeline, each part of the timeline follows that specific topic to the present (hopefully that makes sense). This makes it easy in my opinion to pick up and read a topic or two before bed, and feel like I'm not abruptly cutting off in the middle of a story. You can easily read this slowly and digest the information in your own timing without feeling like you may forget key information if you put it down for a few days. I flew through many topics, not wanting to stop turning the page. Then also enjoyed coming to sections where I felt like I needed to close the book and just ponder what I had read for a while.
I hope important stories like this continue to pop up. I also pray that things become easier for people who endure the struggles this book shows. I hope more opportunities for support and growth become easily accessible.
*If you are thinking about picking this up, then do it. You won't regret it!*
Thank you to netgalley and the publisher for this ARC. All thoughts are my own, and any other disclaimers. Yadda yadda.
October 3, 2019
I received an ARC of this book from Netgalley in return for my honest review.
So. This book isn't bad, per se. It was a quick read, largely because of the informal, conversational tone of the author, and I definitely feel like I learnt a lot from it. This sort of book is so timely and necessary. We all need to understand one another better, and there really is no better way to foster empathy than by reading and listening to the actual words of others and their lived experiences. I'm genuinely thankful that books like this are being published and that I got a chance to read it, and I would absolutely recommend it as a book which gives a vital window into the life of someone with autism who is also trans.
That said, the quality of this book leaves much to be desired. Reading it, I was convinced it was a first draft and not an ARC. Entire paragraphs are essentially rephrased and repeated; Dale makes a point and then she makes it again. She writes near the end of the book that she wrote 4 chapters on one train ride, and it honestly shows in the quality of her writing. I was surprised to read that she makes a living writing about video games, because the standard of writing here really is very poor. I feel that Dale has a great story to tell and I wish that the publisher had given her more help to tell it, because she is in need of an editor who will be more sensitive to her narrative and shape it into the book that this deserves to be.
As it stands, this book has a lot of potential and I think it needs to be published to further a necessary conversation, but I really feel that it needed a lot more editorial work.
So. This book isn't bad, per se. It was a quick read, largely because of the informal, conversational tone of the author, and I definitely feel like I learnt a lot from it. This sort of book is so timely and necessary. We all need to understand one another better, and there really is no better way to foster empathy than by reading and listening to the actual words of others and their lived experiences. I'm genuinely thankful that books like this are being published and that I got a chance to read it, and I would absolutely recommend it as a book which gives a vital window into the life of someone with autism who is also trans.
That said, the quality of this book leaves much to be desired. Reading it, I was convinced it was a first draft and not an ARC. Entire paragraphs are essentially rephrased and repeated; Dale makes a point and then she makes it again. She writes near the end of the book that she wrote 4 chapters on one train ride, and it honestly shows in the quality of her writing. I was surprised to read that she makes a living writing about video games, because the standard of writing here really is very poor. I feel that Dale has a great story to tell and I wish that the publisher had given her more help to tell it, because she is in need of an editor who will be more sensitive to her narrative and shape it into the book that this deserves to be.
As it stands, this book has a lot of potential and I think it needs to be published to further a necessary conversation, but I really feel that it needed a lot more editorial work.
November 18, 2019
This was a fascinating and deeply personal memoir from a gaming journalist I really admire. I've been fan of Dale's work for years now, so I knew I had to get my hands on the book, even if memoirs are generally very hard for me to read. (For adhd reasons, not content reasons)
Dale's book is a very honest look back at her childhood, and the various traumas and joys growing up as trans and autistic entailed for her. It was really interesting to see this part of someone I've been admiring from afar. And it gave me more perspective on some of these issues that I was already aware of, but the really honest nature of this book helped even more.
While this book did ramble in places, it made it only more readable for me.
Dale's book is a very honest look back at her childhood, and the various traumas and joys growing up as trans and autistic entailed for her. It was really interesting to see this part of someone I've been admiring from afar. And it gave me more perspective on some of these issues that I was already aware of, but the really honest nature of this book helped even more.
While this book did ramble in places, it made it only more readable for me.
May 5, 2020
Actual rating 4.5 stars.
CW: transmisia/transantagonism, navigating healthcare, person-first language & other stigmatizing descriptions of autism, potentially triggering descriptions of sensory overstimulation, CSA, bullying, emotional abuse and manipulation, depression, anxiety, addiction, suicide
As an autistic queer nonbinary person myself, it was really nice to see some of the more obscure parts of my experience reflected on the page. The childhood parts were a bit tough to get through because I resonated with a lot of it. I walked away with some new things to consider (roller derby sounds awesome!), and some additional insights into the experiences of my binary trans sisters.
A lot of the complaints in these reviews about the rambly/repetitive nature of the writing seem to me like they're coming from people who don't interact with autistics very often. I know my writing in particular sometimes might look like I'm just rephrasing a point over and over again, but there's nuance that is added and new information revealed by coming at something from a different angle; I feel that allistics generally are not very good at picking up on those subtleties. Dale's writing never felt like she was just saying the same thing over and over to me; I got something new from it every time she wrote something "repetitive."
I also feel that the criticism that she doesn't support factual claims or cite evidence is unfair. It's a memoir, not a paper in the Journal of Neurodevelopmental Disorders. The majority of things she claims as fact (such as counterintuitive drug responses and the increased prevalence of LGBTQ+ identities, addiction, and suicide among autistic people) are common knowledge within the autistic community (and are in fact backed up by science if you care to look for yourself.) It's frustrating to hear from people outside the community that our accounting of our own experiences is insufficient evidence to be believed in a memoir. Think about if you were relaying your own experiences. How many of the things that seem as obvious to you as "the sky is blue" do you think someone without your experience might want academic citation for? And how many of those things would you be able to predict in advance without prompting? At what point are you no longer allowed to simply state the facts of living your life without stopping to prove that what you're saying is true? It's an enormous, exhausting burden to put on marginalized people to constantly have to cite the basic truths our lives just to be taken seriously.
The only two things I took issue with were as follows:
1. PFL and other stigmatizing language- autistic people are of course entitled to use whatever language they want to talk about their own experiences, and nobody else gets a say in that. But it was nevertheless disappointing to me to repeatedly read things like "person with autism", "living with autism", "suffering from symptoms of autism" etc.
I'm a strong proponent of identity-first language. I am autistic. It's an inseparable part of me. And yes, some of the traits (not symptoms) can make getting by tough sometimes; but if you could make me allistic tomorrow, I wouldn't be me any more. I know there are a lot of people who feel similarly to me in the community.
Since this book may be some well-meaning allistics' first exposure to the autistic experience, it would have been really nice if Dale had spent a page or two addressing her preference for PFL to describe her own experiences, and that it's otherwise better to default to IFL when referring to the community as a whole and to ask the specific autistic person in question what their preferences are when discussing them.
2. Reinforcing the "male autism" vs "female autism" myth. Conventional wisdom states that female autistics often go undetected until adulthood because female autistics experience a different constellation of traits than "male" ones do. I can understand why this myth would appeal to Dale, as a trans woman whose autistic traits align with the ones typefied as "female." However, I don't think it is representative of the truth. There are cis woman and trans woman autistics who experience stereotypical "male" autism, and the inverse is true of cis and trans men as well; there are nonbinary trans autistic people like me who feel invalidated by the assertion that our autism has a binary gender.
I think there are without a doubt observably different clusters of autistic traits that differentiate both our internal experiences and the way we are perceived by others, but gendering those clusters can only harm autistic people. Nobody looks for "male" type autism in girls. Nobody looks for "female" type autism in boys. Thus the myth reinforces itself, as people who have the "wrong type" of autism for their assigned gender fly under the radar and create an untold number of false negatives. Imagine if Inattentive ADHD and ADHD were gendered. We know that people of all genders can have either, but a strictly gendered lens would skew our perception and hamper our ability to detect and support people who don't conform to those gendered expectations. So let's relinquish our hold on assigning genders to things that are better described and categorized in other ways.
CW: transmisia/transantagonism, navigating healthcare, person-first language & other stigmatizing descriptions of autism, potentially triggering descriptions of sensory overstimulation, CSA, bullying, emotional abuse and manipulation, depression, anxiety, addiction, suicide
As an autistic queer nonbinary person myself, it was really nice to see some of the more obscure parts of my experience reflected on the page. The childhood parts were a bit tough to get through because I resonated with a lot of it. I walked away with some new things to consider (roller derby sounds awesome!), and some additional insights into the experiences of my binary trans sisters.
A lot of the complaints in these reviews about the rambly/repetitive nature of the writing seem to me like they're coming from people who don't interact with autistics very often. I know my writing in particular sometimes might look like I'm just rephrasing a point over and over again, but there's nuance that is added and new information revealed by coming at something from a different angle; I feel that allistics generally are not very good at picking up on those subtleties. Dale's writing never felt like she was just saying the same thing over and over to me; I got something new from it every time she wrote something "repetitive."
I also feel that the criticism that she doesn't support factual claims or cite evidence is unfair. It's a memoir, not a paper in the Journal of Neurodevelopmental Disorders. The majority of things she claims as fact (such as counterintuitive drug responses and the increased prevalence of LGBTQ+ identities, addiction, and suicide among autistic people) are common knowledge within the autistic community (and are in fact backed up by science if you care to look for yourself.) It's frustrating to hear from people outside the community that our accounting of our own experiences is insufficient evidence to be believed in a memoir. Think about if you were relaying your own experiences. How many of the things that seem as obvious to you as "the sky is blue" do you think someone without your experience might want academic citation for? And how many of those things would you be able to predict in advance without prompting? At what point are you no longer allowed to simply state the facts of living your life without stopping to prove that what you're saying is true? It's an enormous, exhausting burden to put on marginalized people to constantly have to cite the basic truths our lives just to be taken seriously.
The only two things I took issue with were as follows:
1. PFL and other stigmatizing language- autistic people are of course entitled to use whatever language they want to talk about their own experiences, and nobody else gets a say in that. But it was nevertheless disappointing to me to repeatedly read things like "person with autism", "living with autism", "suffering from symptoms of autism" etc.
I'm a strong proponent of identity-first language. I am autistic. It's an inseparable part of me. And yes, some of the traits (not symptoms) can make getting by tough sometimes; but if you could make me allistic tomorrow, I wouldn't be me any more. I know there are a lot of people who feel similarly to me in the community.
Since this book may be some well-meaning allistics' first exposure to the autistic experience, it would have been really nice if Dale had spent a page or two addressing her preference for PFL to describe her own experiences, and that it's otherwise better to default to IFL when referring to the community as a whole and to ask the specific autistic person in question what their preferences are when discussing them.
2. Reinforcing the "male autism" vs "female autism" myth. Conventional wisdom states that female autistics often go undetected until adulthood because female autistics experience a different constellation of traits than "male" ones do. I can understand why this myth would appeal to Dale, as a trans woman whose autistic traits align with the ones typefied as "female." However, I don't think it is representative of the truth. There are cis woman and trans woman autistics who experience stereotypical "male" autism, and the inverse is true of cis and trans men as well; there are nonbinary trans autistic people like me who feel invalidated by the assertion that our autism has a binary gender.
I think there are without a doubt observably different clusters of autistic traits that differentiate both our internal experiences and the way we are perceived by others, but gendering those clusters can only harm autistic people. Nobody looks for "male" type autism in girls. Nobody looks for "female" type autism in boys. Thus the myth reinforces itself, as people who have the "wrong type" of autism for their assigned gender fly under the radar and create an untold number of false negatives. Imagine if Inattentive ADHD and ADHD were gendered. We know that people of all genders can have either, but a strictly gendered lens would skew our perception and hamper our ability to detect and support people who don't conform to those gendered expectations. So let's relinquish our hold on assigning genders to things that are better described and categorized in other ways.
April 1, 2022
I am very thankful for this candid memoir.
November 4, 2022
Such a clearly written and honest book. It left me wanting to thank Laura Dale for sharing her experience. The publishers specialise in books on autism and related topics so the style reflects that rather than literary memoir, nevertheless I felt a warm connection with the author.
February 28, 2019
Uncomfortable Labels : My Life As A Gay Autistic Trans Woman
by Laura Kate Dale
due 7-1-2019
Jessica Kingsley Publishing, UK
5.0 / 5.0
I was so deeply touched by this memoir of growing up as a trans, autistic and gay person in the UK. I was completely blown away by Laura´s honesty and integrity, by her memories and experiences, some so emotionally and psychically hurtful. Many times intentionally hurtful. To get beyond it and to have become the beautiful and inspiring woman and soul she is, is beyond inspiration for me. There are no words.
Laura Kate Dale is proof that we do not have to wear the labels people/family/religion/society give us. We can get beyond the veneer of others stereotypes and become comfortable with ourselves-our own brand. We can become comfortable, functioning and successful beyond branding.
Laura shares her very personal life experiences, conflicts and growth:
*From ignoring the early signs of Aspergers, to fully embracing and learning to live with the super sensitivity she has for light, sound, noise, texture and touch.
*Being the weird kid everyone bullied and took advantage of; being sexually abused with few people to talk to or share her feelings of loneliness and rejection; feelings of depression and suicide from a society quick to marginalize anything different, marginalize them with stereotypes and treat them as less worthy, to becoming a successful author and advocate for those that were also disrespected for daring to be who they are. 50% of Trans and 35% of people with Aspergers commit suicide.
*Transitioning into Laura- and being able to live and work under the name Laura, having a successful career and finding love. She always felt trapped between 2 choices:live with the pain of not ever transitioning.....or, transition and live a miserable life. Now in her late 20ś, she has not attempted suicide in 5 years, is engaged to a loving partner and able to support herself. Life is not miserable, in fact, it got better!
This is a wonderful and very personal memoir, shedding much information and passion on the conflicts of transitioning from a male to a female. It is also one of the best and most intimate sharings of learning to live with Autism Spectrum I have read. Its influence on her childhood- her teen years-adult relationships and day to day life are told with openness and candor; I felt involved in her life and this book helped me to understand so much more about living with Autism Spectrum. Things many of us think nothing of or take for granted....like going to see a movie at a theatre.....going out to eat....hanging out in public places or crowds....even clothes shopping......these all took meticulous and careful planning for Laura to do, as she learned to deal with her stimming and sensitivities. They are trying something new in the UK to help those with anxiety or autism. In public shopping areas, they are putting rooms of respite, that are subdued, quiet and a comfortable space that anyone can use to help calm and de-escalate, if needed. What a wonderful idea. I hope it is something the US will notice and incorporate.
This memoir will take you inside the emotions, spirit and life of a Trans person- a gay person- people on the autism spectrum, with intelligence, grace, respect and complete honesty. I learned so much and felt so much. Learning how others live and feel is the first step toward a more respectful and inclusive world, where there is no division, just differences. It taught me that how we approach things, either to judge them, or to learn from them importance of respect and dignity, is telling about all of us.It also taught me the importance of reaching beyond yourself to realize just how human we all are.
Enriching, important life lessons. Essential reading.
Thank you to Jessica Kingsley and Laura Kate Dean for this e-book ARC for an honest and fair review.
#netgalley #UncomfortableLabels
by Laura Kate Dale
due 7-1-2019
Jessica Kingsley Publishing, UK
5.0 / 5.0
I was so deeply touched by this memoir of growing up as a trans, autistic and gay person in the UK. I was completely blown away by Laura´s honesty and integrity, by her memories and experiences, some so emotionally and psychically hurtful. Many times intentionally hurtful. To get beyond it and to have become the beautiful and inspiring woman and soul she is, is beyond inspiration for me. There are no words.
Laura Kate Dale is proof that we do not have to wear the labels people/family/religion/society give us. We can get beyond the veneer of others stereotypes and become comfortable with ourselves-our own brand. We can become comfortable, functioning and successful beyond branding.
Laura shares her very personal life experiences, conflicts and growth:
*From ignoring the early signs of Aspergers, to fully embracing and learning to live with the super sensitivity she has for light, sound, noise, texture and touch.
*Being the weird kid everyone bullied and took advantage of; being sexually abused with few people to talk to or share her feelings of loneliness and rejection; feelings of depression and suicide from a society quick to marginalize anything different, marginalize them with stereotypes and treat them as less worthy, to becoming a successful author and advocate for those that were also disrespected for daring to be who they are. 50% of Trans and 35% of people with Aspergers commit suicide.
*Transitioning into Laura- and being able to live and work under the name Laura, having a successful career and finding love. She always felt trapped between 2 choices:live with the pain of not ever transitioning.....or, transition and live a miserable life. Now in her late 20ś, she has not attempted suicide in 5 years, is engaged to a loving partner and able to support herself. Life is not miserable, in fact, it got better!
This is a wonderful and very personal memoir, shedding much information and passion on the conflicts of transitioning from a male to a female. It is also one of the best and most intimate sharings of learning to live with Autism Spectrum I have read. Its influence on her childhood- her teen years-adult relationships and day to day life are told with openness and candor; I felt involved in her life and this book helped me to understand so much more about living with Autism Spectrum. Things many of us think nothing of or take for granted....like going to see a movie at a theatre.....going out to eat....hanging out in public places or crowds....even clothes shopping......these all took meticulous and careful planning for Laura to do, as she learned to deal with her stimming and sensitivities. They are trying something new in the UK to help those with anxiety or autism. In public shopping areas, they are putting rooms of respite, that are subdued, quiet and a comfortable space that anyone can use to help calm and de-escalate, if needed. What a wonderful idea. I hope it is something the US will notice and incorporate.
This memoir will take you inside the emotions, spirit and life of a Trans person- a gay person- people on the autism spectrum, with intelligence, grace, respect and complete honesty. I learned so much and felt so much. Learning how others live and feel is the first step toward a more respectful and inclusive world, where there is no division, just differences. It taught me that how we approach things, either to judge them, or to learn from them importance of respect and dignity, is telling about all of us.It also taught me the importance of reaching beyond yourself to realize just how human we all are.
Enriching, important life lessons. Essential reading.
Thank you to Jessica Kingsley and Laura Kate Dean for this e-book ARC for an honest and fair review.
#netgalley #UncomfortableLabels
July 18, 2023
i love queer autistic people ‼️‼️‼️‼️
September 17, 2025
This is the first full-length memoir I've read by an AuDHD trans person, and I saw some of my journey reflected here, despite the differences in gender assigned at birth between myself and Dale, of the process of figuring out these dual reasons the world just kinda doesn't work for her/me. This resonance with her story is especially true since Dale and I both have autism presentations more common in girls, things like being intensely quiet and rule following/ "well behaved," rather than loud and disruptive in childhood.
Dale includes her experiences of sensory sensitivities, friendship difficulties (including abusive and exploitative relationships with some "friends"), special interests like Pokemon and Emo music, and her discomfort with being associated with boyhood growing up. As was the case for me, her challenges as both an autistic and trans person became much more apparent around puberty when both body changes and increased social and academic demands caused significant distress and overwhelm. For Dale, this led to an Asperger's diagnosis and eventually coming out as a trans woman in her late teens. Along the way she (unsurprisingly given what she's dealing with) experiences problematic substance use and suicidality, so content note for that.
One tiny beef I have is there's a passage where she talks about how much easier it is for transmasculine people to transition and "pass." I'm doing to diverge into a rant about this for a minute. This is something I hear frequently from both transfeminine people (and occasionally from transmasc folks as well) and I'm not convinced it's totally true. It's quite dependent on individual biology. For trans women who for example, are tall, have squarer jaws, deeper voices, significantly receded hairlines, or more body hair, those are features that are more difficult to feminize without considerable intervention, and probably out-of-pocket costs. But there are also transmasculine people who are short, don't have much body/facial hair genetically even with years of T, have large chests and/or hips that they may or may not be able to deal with surgically, have delicate facial features, and who don't get much in the way of voice change. And bottom surgeries are also much more available and advanced for transfeminine people (although still painfully difficult to access). On average, maybe it's easier for transmasc people to pass than transfemme people *eventually*, but timelines and level of intervention needed vary considerably from person-to-person and some transfemme people will pass much quicker than their transmasc sibilings. I acknowledge the risks to safety can be higher for non-passing/gender non-conforming trans women than non-passing/gender non-conforming trans masculine people. However, I really wish as a community we'd stop perpetuating this stereotype as it's incredibly invalidating to non-passing trans men in particular. (Also this is relevant only to folks for whom "passing" in a binary gender way is even the goal. Although it's important to many, it doesn't need to be and isn't for some in our community.)
I appreciated Dale's writing and the clear linear structure starting with her earliest memories to the present day. Overall the memoir ends on a pretty happy note with a focus on the joys and strengths Dale has found, though it was appalling seeing her challenges with access to gender affirming care and legal transition processes, and her experiences of transmisogynistic harassment, all of which which certainly have not gotten better for trans people in the UK :(
Dale includes her experiences of sensory sensitivities, friendship difficulties (including abusive and exploitative relationships with some "friends"), special interests like Pokemon and Emo music, and her discomfort with being associated with boyhood growing up. As was the case for me, her challenges as both an autistic and trans person became much more apparent around puberty when both body changes and increased social and academic demands caused significant distress and overwhelm. For Dale, this led to an Asperger's diagnosis and eventually coming out as a trans woman in her late teens. Along the way she (unsurprisingly given what she's dealing with) experiences problematic substance use and suicidality, so content note for that.
One tiny beef I have is there's a passage where she talks about how much easier it is for transmasculine people to transition and "pass." I'm doing to diverge into a rant about this for a minute. This is something I hear frequently from both transfeminine people (and occasionally from transmasc folks as well) and I'm not convinced it's totally true. It's quite dependent on individual biology. For trans women who for example, are tall, have squarer jaws, deeper voices, significantly receded hairlines, or more body hair, those are features that are more difficult to feminize without considerable intervention, and probably out-of-pocket costs. But there are also transmasculine people who are short, don't have much body/facial hair genetically even with years of T, have large chests and/or hips that they may or may not be able to deal with surgically, have delicate facial features, and who don't get much in the way of voice change. And bottom surgeries are also much more available and advanced for transfeminine people (although still painfully difficult to access). On average, maybe it's easier for transmasc people to pass than transfemme people *eventually*, but timelines and level of intervention needed vary considerably from person-to-person and some transfemme people will pass much quicker than their transmasc sibilings. I acknowledge the risks to safety can be higher for non-passing/gender non-conforming trans women than non-passing/gender non-conforming trans masculine people. However, I really wish as a community we'd stop perpetuating this stereotype as it's incredibly invalidating to non-passing trans men in particular. (Also this is relevant only to folks for whom "passing" in a binary gender way is even the goal. Although it's important to many, it doesn't need to be and isn't for some in our community.)
I appreciated Dale's writing and the clear linear structure starting with her earliest memories to the present day. Overall the memoir ends on a pretty happy note with a focus on the joys and strengths Dale has found, though it was appalling seeing her challenges with access to gender affirming care and legal transition processes, and her experiences of transmisogynistic harassment, all of which which certainly have not gotten better for trans people in the UK :(
January 12, 2019
This book is for anyone struggling with their identity with gender rules placed at birth by society. Young people who are most vulnerable to commit suicide because of feeling isolated this book will help you through those times. Clinicians who need a first person perspective of being transgender and having autism this book is a great read. This book is for parents who are trying to understand their autistic children the struggles they may face to be better prepared to assist them when your children are being bullied or feeling isolated.
I found myself thinking about my own life and my own struggles being part of the LGBT community. I would of liked to have read a book like this to help me feel like I was not alone. Gender rules and roles are forced upon us at birth it limits us in growth and potential. We are taught early on that girls act a certain way and boys another. Boys are better at certain things then girls and vice versa. It kills potential and makes young children feel inadequate when they do not conform to roles as laid out by society. The harms placed on individuals wanting to be who they feel they need to be.
Laura shared her story it was sad at times but it was also filled with a lot of inspiration and strength to fight for change and the opportunity to be the best Laura can be. I truly appreciate your candid honesty of your worst times of your life. The social worker in me felt sad by the struggles and bullying you suffered. I agree the world would be so much better if we removed binary roles and allow people to express themselves without being labeled a monster. I have always felt that labels do more harm then good because once you are label right or wrong it sticks with you. I agree with the hopes of the future for positive change for more acceptance.
Thank you Laura for opening my eyes to the connection between autism and LGBT issues. More studies need to be done to help develop programs to ensure that children who need the assistance get it in a safe and accepting environment. We need to also understand better the connection between the two to ensure that treatments are available and to assist clinicians with the right tools to assist clients more effectively.
Thank you to NetGalley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for the opportunity to read this book for free for an honest review.
I found myself thinking about my own life and my own struggles being part of the LGBT community. I would of liked to have read a book like this to help me feel like I was not alone. Gender rules and roles are forced upon us at birth it limits us in growth and potential. We are taught early on that girls act a certain way and boys another. Boys are better at certain things then girls and vice versa. It kills potential and makes young children feel inadequate when they do not conform to roles as laid out by society. The harms placed on individuals wanting to be who they feel they need to be.
Laura shared her story it was sad at times but it was also filled with a lot of inspiration and strength to fight for change and the opportunity to be the best Laura can be. I truly appreciate your candid honesty of your worst times of your life. The social worker in me felt sad by the struggles and bullying you suffered. I agree the world would be so much better if we removed binary roles and allow people to express themselves without being labeled a monster. I have always felt that labels do more harm then good because once you are label right or wrong it sticks with you. I agree with the hopes of the future for positive change for more acceptance.
Thank you Laura for opening my eyes to the connection between autism and LGBT issues. More studies need to be done to help develop programs to ensure that children who need the assistance get it in a safe and accepting environment. We need to also understand better the connection between the two to ensure that treatments are available and to assist clinicians with the right tools to assist clients more effectively.
Thank you to NetGalley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for the opportunity to read this book for free for an honest review.
March 11, 2022
4.5 rounded up. Resonated very clearly as a queer autistic person. <3
The trigger warnings were very appropriate (and I wish more common).
Brilliantly straightforward and honest!
The trigger warnings were very appropriate (and I wish more common).
Brilliantly straightforward and honest!
May 12, 2023
Shoutout meidän kirjaston jännälle valikoimalle, tämäkin olisi muuten mennyt ohi! Todella toimiva muistelmateos siitä, millaista on elää vähemmistönä vähemmistössä. Mietin lujasti, olisiko tämä jopa täyden viiden tähden kirja, mutta se epämääräinen viiden tähden kirjan tunne puuttui. Ehkä se vähän epämääräinen puhe siitä, miksi autismi on Dalen mielestä jopa hyvä asia, tuntui vähän hassulta (kun päässä on aina kohinaa autismin takia, ei tule koskaan yksinäistä tms?). Toisaalta jos kirja olisi vähän pidempi ja kattavampi, olisi se voinut myös kivuta sinne asti. Selitti minulle paljon sitä, miten autismin yli- ja aliherkkyys toimivat.
October 1, 2021
Uncomfortable Labels is the story of Laura Kate Dale. The title is a reference to the labels that have been used to describe Dale throughout her life. Some of those labels are by choice, and some were thrust upon her whether she wanted them or not.
Laura was born autistic in a male presenting body. She tried and tried to reconcile her outward presentation with her inner feelings to no avail. She thought perhaps it was her autism causing the disconnect until finally, she realized that she was transgender.
Laura wrote her memoir to tell her story but also to let others going through similar struggles know that they are not alone. Young adults who feel different than their peers are at risk and it helps to know that there are others like them who survived and prospered despite their difference. This book would also be helpful for the parent of a transgender or autistic child.
She doesn’t sugar coat her story which can make it difficult to read. Laura was bullied as a child for not fitting into the proper box which is both sad and maddening. Things get better as she matures, children can be terrible to the ones they feel are weak fortunately most, but not all, humans grow out of that eventually. The section on the roller derby was fantastic, Laura’s joy at being fully accepted and able to participate in an activity she clearly loves was palpable.
Laura also highlights a connection between autism and gender variance. Recent studies have shown that persons on the autism spectrum are almost 8 times more likely to report gender variance than those not on the spectrum. The conclusion here is that more focus should be placed on the connection which would, in turn, help clinicians understand gender identity development in both autistic and neurotypical children.
I applaud Laura’s bravery in sharing with the world what it means to be her.
I requested an advanced reader's copy of this book from Netgalley in return for the promise of an honest review.
Laura was born autistic in a male presenting body. She tried and tried to reconcile her outward presentation with her inner feelings to no avail. She thought perhaps it was her autism causing the disconnect until finally, she realized that she was transgender.
Laura wrote her memoir to tell her story but also to let others going through similar struggles know that they are not alone. Young adults who feel different than their peers are at risk and it helps to know that there are others like them who survived and prospered despite their difference. This book would also be helpful for the parent of a transgender or autistic child.
She doesn’t sugar coat her story which can make it difficult to read. Laura was bullied as a child for not fitting into the proper box which is both sad and maddening. Things get better as she matures, children can be terrible to the ones they feel are weak fortunately most, but not all, humans grow out of that eventually. The section on the roller derby was fantastic, Laura’s joy at being fully accepted and able to participate in an activity she clearly loves was palpable.
Laura also highlights a connection between autism and gender variance. Recent studies have shown that persons on the autism spectrum are almost 8 times more likely to report gender variance than those not on the spectrum. The conclusion here is that more focus should be placed on the connection which would, in turn, help clinicians understand gender identity development in both autistic and neurotypical children.
I applaud Laura’s bravery in sharing with the world what it means to be her.
I requested an advanced reader's copy of this book from Netgalley in return for the promise of an honest review.
May 9, 2020
In this fantastic memoir, Laura Kate Dale explains what it is like to grow up as a queer, autistic, trans woman. It's now well recognised that neurodiversity and gender diversity have a large overlap, so it's really exciting to see an #ownvoices book published which acknowledges this intersection. As an autistic woman, I could definitely relate to Laura's struggles with sensory processing and social situations as well as her journey of self-discovery, and despite having done a lot of research about autism, there were things I learned or realised about myself from reading this book. I liked the informal, candid tone of her writing, which conveyed her personality and sense of humour. Obviously this book will attract people who are autistic, queer, and/or trans, but it's also an important and insightful read for a neurotypical, straight and cis audience as well.
June 24, 2025
I don't tend to gravitate towards non-fiction very often, but I'd heard good things about this one, was in my phase of 'read as much autistic rep/literature as I can' (without noting what it was doing to my mental state until too late), and so I decided to pick this one up. And I actually really liked it! I found it insightful, thought provoking, easy to read and enjoyable - the writing style itself was so autistic and I really vibed with it.
Some things that particularly stuck out to me were the discussions on diagnosis, addiction/alcohol consumption, social structures, wanting to fit in when you're with people but not wanting to be neurotypical when you're alone, and gender.
Some things that particularly stuck out to me were the discussions on diagnosis, addiction/alcohol consumption, social structures, wanting to fit in when you're with people but not wanting to be neurotypical when you're alone, and gender.
July 7, 2019
An honest, fascinating account of Laura's life and experiences, written in a casual, conversational tone that allows readers to relate even if they themselves have never experienced anything even remotely similar. To me it was eye-opening, educational and motivating. Thanks and respect to Laura for putting her experiences and thoughts down for the world to read.
January 12, 2022
To see more reviews check out MI Book Reviews.
I got an ARC of this book.
The title and the cover drew me in. Just that play on words and all the feelings that it brought up was enough to sell me on this book. I again didn’t read the description before I read the book. I was delighted to get a memoir that hit so many notes that I needed and wanted to see in the world.
This is the sort of memoir that I will be waving at people, demanding that they read it. I have started to reach out more and more into trans spaces again. It has been full of autistic people which wasn’t really talked about in the groups before. Now it is just another source of comfort for me. Finally groups are realizing that people can and do experience the world differently. Its so wonderful seeing trans people being accepted and loved. It is wonderful to see autistic people being listened to and seen as people. This book just has all of those feelings written so well in the last few chapters in particular.
Laura Dale tells her story in this way that invites me in and kept me around. She said so many things that I wish I had been able to read when I started my transition. There were things about clothes just not being right, in more than just fit. There was the fear of shopping for clothes and the way the fabric felt. The way that interacting in the store was just so intense and complicated. I am going to put out my offer to go with anyone who needs or wants support shopping. I am a trained suit and bra fitter. I can help you find clothes that fit and work for you without fear. No one should be afraid or targeted while they are dealing with base necessities like clothes. She covers this so well. I just wanted to hug her for all of her openness, which brings me to my next point.
She never shies away from mentioning what can suck about being autistic and being trans. She mentions how they can set the other off really easily. How her touch aversion has impacted her life. How she has to fight so hard to conform or risk being seen in a way that isn’t good or healthy. How there are so many barriers for trans people to access medical care. How autistic people are treated in the medical community and by family. It is so important to read her words. Read them all. Sit with them. They are important.
Just all the yes. I felt like cheering when she describes her experience with the roller derby league. I am just so happy and proud of her. She has continued to be herself no matter how hard others have made it. She has created this resource so others can feel like they aren’t alone. She has broken into a hugely male industry of video games. She is the type of person that I hope I can be like when I grow up.
I got an ARC of this book.
The title and the cover drew me in. Just that play on words and all the feelings that it brought up was enough to sell me on this book. I again didn’t read the description before I read the book. I was delighted to get a memoir that hit so many notes that I needed and wanted to see in the world.
This is the sort of memoir that I will be waving at people, demanding that they read it. I have started to reach out more and more into trans spaces again. It has been full of autistic people which wasn’t really talked about in the groups before. Now it is just another source of comfort for me. Finally groups are realizing that people can and do experience the world differently. Its so wonderful seeing trans people being accepted and loved. It is wonderful to see autistic people being listened to and seen as people. This book just has all of those feelings written so well in the last few chapters in particular.
Laura Dale tells her story in this way that invites me in and kept me around. She said so many things that I wish I had been able to read when I started my transition. There were things about clothes just not being right, in more than just fit. There was the fear of shopping for clothes and the way the fabric felt. The way that interacting in the store was just so intense and complicated. I am going to put out my offer to go with anyone who needs or wants support shopping. I am a trained suit and bra fitter. I can help you find clothes that fit and work for you without fear. No one should be afraid or targeted while they are dealing with base necessities like clothes. She covers this so well. I just wanted to hug her for all of her openness, which brings me to my next point.
She never shies away from mentioning what can suck about being autistic and being trans. She mentions how they can set the other off really easily. How her touch aversion has impacted her life. How she has to fight so hard to conform or risk being seen in a way that isn’t good or healthy. How there are so many barriers for trans people to access medical care. How autistic people are treated in the medical community and by family. It is so important to read her words. Read them all. Sit with them. They are important.
Just all the yes. I felt like cheering when she describes her experience with the roller derby league. I am just so happy and proud of her. She has continued to be herself no matter how hard others have made it. She has created this resource so others can feel like they aren’t alone. She has broken into a hugely male industry of video games. She is the type of person that I hope I can be like when I grow up.
July 21, 2019
This book will be published on July 18. Eye-opening and touching! I'll be writing a review soon. xoxo
For more book reviews check out my blog http://www.smittenforfiction.wordpres...
Amanda ♥
Update July 21, 2019
About The Author
Connect With Me 😊
For more book reviews check out my blog http://www.smittenforfiction.wordpres...
Amanda ♥
Update July 21, 2019
I don't read nonfiction often, but I couldn't pass this one up when I saw it on Netgalley. Uncomfortable Labels is Laura Kate Dale's autobiography about her life as a gay autistic trans woman.
› In Uncomfortable Labels, Laura Kate Dale says this book is one she wished she could have read when she was younger. This is about her challenges and triumphs as a gay, trans person with autism from birth to twenty-seven-years-old.
› Likes 😻
• It's inspiring how self-aware and courageous Dale is by sharing incredibly personal details.
• Although I'm not gay, or trans, or autistic, I will tell the world to read this book because it will give you a new perception about gay and/or trans people with autism.
› Dislikes 😾
• There aren't enough sources given to back-up some of the statements.
• Repetition and rambling. This book feels like an unfinished draft.
› Final Thoughts
• Uncomfortable Labels is an informational, important, timely and powerful read for adult readers.
Thank you to Netgalley and publisher for the complimentary copy in exchange for my honest review.
About The Author
https://laurakbuzz.com/
https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/18402692.Laura_Kate_Dale
Connect With Me 😊
Twitter | Goodreads | Instagram | Facebook
March 27, 2023
This was an outstanding memoir by a trans women who also identifies as having Aspergers, and I learned so much from it.
Despite having read a number of books about autism, this book delves into the duality of experiencing neurodivergence while being transgender, something that is somewhat common apparently, according to recent studies. Dale does a wonderful job talking both about her experience learning that she had autism and how she experiences life because of that, as well as her understanding that she was transgender and making that transition. She also does an amazing job talking about the intersection of those two identities and both the challenges and opportunities they present.
This book is one I'll be recommending to a number of people for a variety of reasons - I think there's a lot to be learned about neurodiversity here, as well as gender and how that presents in neurodiversity, not to mention how that plays out for individuals who are transgender. I also think there's a lot to be learned in creating spaces and experiences for those who are LGBTQ+ and neurodiverse, as detailed by Dale in later chapters.
I cannot speak highly enough of this book - I just feel like I learned a lot from it, and I appreciate how vulnerable and open Dale was in sharing her story here for others to learn from.
Despite having read a number of books about autism, this book delves into the duality of experiencing neurodivergence while being transgender, something that is somewhat common apparently, according to recent studies. Dale does a wonderful job talking both about her experience learning that she had autism and how she experiences life because of that, as well as her understanding that she was transgender and making that transition. She also does an amazing job talking about the intersection of those two identities and both the challenges and opportunities they present.
This book is one I'll be recommending to a number of people for a variety of reasons - I think there's a lot to be learned about neurodiversity here, as well as gender and how that presents in neurodiversity, not to mention how that plays out for individuals who are transgender. I also think there's a lot to be learned in creating spaces and experiences for those who are LGBTQ+ and neurodiverse, as detailed by Dale in later chapters.
I cannot speak highly enough of this book - I just feel like I learned a lot from it, and I appreciate how vulnerable and open Dale was in sharing her story here for others to learn from.
April 28, 2019
A brilliant memoir about Laura's life and the ways being autistic and trans intersect.. Autistic people are much more likely to be on the LGBTQ spectrum than allistic people and it was really interesting to have it highlighted here as it's something that is often ignored but adds to the struggles we face. There were so many moments I identified with (I think I highlighted about half the book) and helped me understand parts of my life as an autistic person. It's always amazing to read anecdotes from someone elses life that could read as if they were talking about you. It's one of the best things about the autistic community speaking about their experiences.
This book does deal with a lot of hard subjects that Laura has gone through in her life, including transphobia and suicide, which are all too common in trans and autistic communities. It's heartfelt but also the issues and the affect they have on Laura and the trans community are very well explained.
I did feel uncomfortable in one particular section that talked about medication that could temporarily treat autism. Laura does make clear that she would never want a cure and does highlight things she loves about being autistic. But any talk about treatment makes me think of how it would truly be used (which realistically would be forced upon autistic people by family and work and education to be 'more normal') which isn't touched upon or warned about.
Apart from that section I absolutely loved this book. It's my favourite book about autism that I've read since being diagnosed and recommend it to any autistic people whether they are LGBTQ or not, as well as to anyone who wants to learn more about trans or autistic experiences.
This book does deal with a lot of hard subjects that Laura has gone through in her life, including transphobia and suicide, which are all too common in trans and autistic communities. It's heartfelt but also the issues and the affect they have on Laura and the trans community are very well explained.
I did feel uncomfortable in one particular section that talked about medication that could temporarily treat autism. Laura does make clear that she would never want a cure and does highlight things she loves about being autistic. But any talk about treatment makes me think of how it would truly be used (which realistically would be forced upon autistic people by family and work and education to be 'more normal') which isn't touched upon or warned about.
Apart from that section I absolutely loved this book. It's my favourite book about autism that I've read since being diagnosed and recommend it to any autistic people whether they are LGBTQ or not, as well as to anyone who wants to learn more about trans or autistic experiences.
August 18, 2019
Narrative falls flat, even as Laura Kate Dale explains clearly the challenges she faces as a trans woman, as someone on the autism spectrum, and as a lesbian. Some passages felt like they repeated themselves verbatim without adding anything new. Dale also makes some absolute definitions regarding human behavior among other things, some of which I believe require citations while others are her interpretations of said situations or trends turned into blanket assumptions.
I'm uncertain as to whether or not the difference in the education, diagnosis, and handling of autism students in the UK compared to other countries makes an impact on the overall narrative. Special education itself does not get broached in Dale's memoir aside from her personal experience dealing with peers and individual teachers. Just thought it would've been an interesting point of discussion of the education system at large.
I'm uncertain as to whether or not the difference in the education, diagnosis, and handling of autism students in the UK compared to other countries makes an impact on the overall narrative. Special education itself does not get broached in Dale's memoir aside from her personal experience dealing with peers and individual teachers. Just thought it would've been an interesting point of discussion of the education system at large.
January 5, 2022
I usually prefer more bendy, meandering memoirs that mess with genre a little bit. But I really appreciate the directness of this, its exactness, Dale's precise approach. One of my reading mantras for this year is to meet books where they are. If I pick up a book and keep reading it, it's because I want to, and so I'm letting go of any expectations about what a book should be like or should achieve and instead appreciating books for what they are.
In any case, this is a thoughtful, informative, linear, and somewhat dry memoir about Dale's life as a gay trans autistic woman. Dry isn't a criticism here—I mean it simply as an observation about her writing style—clear and observant, nothing flowery (though there is humor!) There's a ton of heart, feeling, and vulnerability in this memoir. Dale just lays out her thoughts, feelings and experiences, sentence after sentence. It makes for a quick read, one I was totally engrossed in. I read memoirs because I want to hear someone's story in their own voice, and I loved getting to hear Dale's story the way she chose to tell it.
CW for suicidal thoughts, attempted suicide, drug use, transphobia
In any case, this is a thoughtful, informative, linear, and somewhat dry memoir about Dale's life as a gay trans autistic woman. Dry isn't a criticism here—I mean it simply as an observation about her writing style—clear and observant, nothing flowery (though there is humor!) There's a ton of heart, feeling, and vulnerability in this memoir. Dale just lays out her thoughts, feelings and experiences, sentence after sentence. It makes for a quick read, one I was totally engrossed in. I read memoirs because I want to hear someone's story in their own voice, and I loved getting to hear Dale's story the way she chose to tell it.
CW for suicidal thoughts, attempted suicide, drug use, transphobia
March 16, 2023
This is a solid 3.5 for me! This is an important story and voice to read. I learned a lot about the intersection of trans women and autism that I will be taking with me. However, the writing was just ok and I didn’t find myself rushing to pick this up when it came time to read.
Also the author does give a big CW up front for suicide and drug use but there is also graphic and explicit descriptions of sexual assault so heads up for that.
Also the author does give a big CW up front for suicide and drug use but there is also graphic and explicit descriptions of sexual assault so heads up for that.
March 17, 2023
I did enjoy this insight into another autistic trans person's life and experiences, I think the quality of the book is severely lacking. A lot of it comes off as a bit ramble-y and a lot of it could have benefited from an editor or just someone to look over the entire work with a critical eye. I don't think Laura is attempting to write a sociological essay about the intersection of trans and autistic people, she is just trying to speak about her own experiences. I applaud her for that.
July 4, 2019
*3.75 Stars*
I was provided an ARC via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
This book was the memoir of 27 year old Laura Kate Dale. It was about her struggles as a transgender, gay, autistic woman but also her hopes and joy.
I thought her story was an significant one to tell and to hear. I found it deeply moving and interesting but I had trouble concentrating. The way it was told didn't really excite me I guess and I had trouble getting through the whole thing even though it's only a hundred and eighty pages long. Still, it's a very important story and I think a lot of people would benefit from reading it.
I was provided an ARC via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
This book was the memoir of 27 year old Laura Kate Dale. It was about her struggles as a transgender, gay, autistic woman but also her hopes and joy.
I thought her story was an significant one to tell and to hear. I found it deeply moving and interesting but I had trouble concentrating. The way it was told didn't really excite me I guess and I had trouble getting through the whole thing even though it's only a hundred and eighty pages long. Still, it's a very important story and I think a lot of people would benefit from reading it.
January 18, 2020
I received this book in exchange for a honest review from NetGalley.
I have been off and on following Laura's career for the past 3-ish years. I love her on the Jimquisition podcast and have enjoyed several of her articles on different aspects of gaming. This is a completely different experience to reading her games journalism and I whole-heartedly welcome it. This book is moving, eye-opening, and yet completely relatable. Overall I loved this book!
I have been off and on following Laura's career for the past 3-ish years. I love her on the Jimquisition podcast and have enjoyed several of her articles on different aspects of gaming. This is a completely different experience to reading her games journalism and I whole-heartedly welcome it. This book is moving, eye-opening, and yet completely relatable. Overall I loved this book!
July 14, 2024
One of the few books that actually discusses the intersections of being autistic, queer, and trans instead of merely mentioning how relatively often such things occur together. It's autobiographical so not everything is equally relatable but a lot is very recognisable.
March 9, 2020
I found this to be an insightful read and a heavy one. Laura talks about bullying, suicide, being molested as a child, and the struggle to cope before getting her autism diagnosis and in accessing transition care, especially a need to hide depression to do so. She also tells a tale of success and discovery of the life she wants to live.
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