Trabalhando com o inimigo: como colaborar com pessoas das quais você discorda, não gosta ou desconfia

by Adam Kahane

Para Adam Kahane, a maneira tradicional como imaginamos a colaboração isto é, um trabalho harmonioso em equipe é um fator limitador diante das complexidades de nossa época. Por isso, em Trabalhando com o inimigo, o autor sugere que adotemos uma nova abordagem, a chamada colaboração estendida. Ao compartilhar suas experiências e apontar um caminho a seguir, ele mostra como podemos abraçar a discórdia, a experimentação e a cocriação genuína, provendo ferramentas para dar início à mudança a partir de nós mesmos.

Genres: Nonfiction, Business, Self Help, Leadership, Psychology, Audiobook, Communication

159 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2017

About the author

Adam Kahane is a Director of Reos Partners, an international social enterprise that helps people move forward together on their most important and intractable issues.

Adam is a leading organizer, designer and facilitator of processes through which business, government, and civil society leaders can work together to address such challenges. He has worked in more than fifty countries, in every part of the world, with executives and politicians, generals and guerrillas, civil servants and trade unionists, community activists and United Nations officials, clergy and artists.


Adam is a Member of the Order of Canada. In 2022 he was named a Schwab Foundation Social Innovation Thought Leader of the Year at the World Economic Forum in Davos.

Reviews

[Dubi Kanengisser · Rating 1 out of 5]

#DNF
This is a rare case where the subtitle is actually less informative than the title. The subtitle made me think this would be a book about how to manage workplace relationships with problematic co-workers. The word "Work" in the subtitle must be the culprit here. A quick poll among co-workers affirmed that this is a common enough interpretation. But it's wrong. This book is literally about collaboration with enemies. Like, real enemies. People one is likely to want dead. Now, I dislike some of my co-workers, but not that much.
The book talks about peace negotiations, and collaboration between people who hate each other, but not because they find one another annoying, but because of what each represents for one another. This is really not applicable for the workplace, and while the author keeps saying his insights are relevant for organizations as well, half way into the book I still saw no indication of this.
This was compounded by the really dull style of writing and honestly bizarre illustrations that give the book this homemade leaflet feel of unprofessionalism, which made me lose interest in what otherwise could be a fascinating topic nevertheless.

[Virginia · Rating 3 out of 5]

some useful points, but like a lot of these books, suffers from privileged, straight, white guy perspective. However, if that's his main audience, "they" may get more of a take a way.

[Ганна Кузьо · Rating 3 out of 5]

Перші пів книги я нудилась. Таке враження, ніби ця частина слугує виключно для того, щоб автор представився, похвалився та доказав, що йому можна довіряти. Досвід в Адама Кехейна не абиякий, про що він розповідає на перших сторінках книги. Але якщо взятися до суті, то вона викладена у 5, 6 та 7 розділах. І вони мені сподобалися. На прикладі конкретних (дуже складних, до того ж) випадків, автор пояснює, як бути гнучким у співпраці. Власне, він використовує термін "гнучка співпраця". Не завжди потрібно домовлятися, іноді має місце протистояння, без якого не досягнеш результату.
На противагу силі є любов, і ними потрібно балансувати.
Звучить банально, але якщо ви стикаєтесь із ситуаціями, де вам доводиться працювати із людьми, які з вами не погоджуються, а разом щось робити треба, то ці розділи вам будуть корисними. Я от до своєї роботи одразу паралелі намалювала.

Але без практичного застосування книгу читати немає змісту.

[Annalisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Dilettevole, interessantissimo, ma non offre esattamente ciò che promette il titolo.

[Lukáš Zorád · Rating 3 out of 5]

Deatails, details, details. This book is lacking them. Adam Kahane discribes the outlines and main lessons from some of his very impressive work experience and I feel like I would prefer to read each case study separately and learn from more comprehensice description, methods and learning points from it. The book has few interesting points itself, but in general it is lacking depth and I felt bit frustrated reading it (especialy the parts where he describes an interesting story, but doesn´t finish it, doesn´t analyse it and starts a new story and then 20 pages later gives you another fragment of the original story with the same result - why are you even talking about it?)... If anyone can recommend me a better book on this topic (collaboration with an enemy) I would be very happy.

[Miroslav Pavelek · Rating 3 out of 5]

Instead of 100 pages long book, this could have been 10 pages long blog post. Or one TED talk.
Interesting topic, where the author shares how to work with enemies (literally enemies, like in civil wars), but it is not that much applicable for normal workplaces.

[Kalista · Rating 2 out of 5]

After hearing this author's background on CBC radio and the catchy title of this book, it has sat on my TBR shelf for a year with me constantly thinking back on it whenever experiencing conflict. I can now say my high expectations were misplaced. I the writing was dull and didn't reach the revelations I was hoping for. Pretty much any useful info can be taken from the graphic on pg 47 and the final chapter.

[Isabelle Duchaine · Rating 4 out of 5]

I spend a lot of time working with people at work. That's the nature of work in the 21st century, but we talk about COLLABORATION every. single. day. The whole premise of where I work is to stick a whole bunch of people one group with a bunch of people from another group and have them work on Priorities A, B, C.

We're not working on transitioning out of Apartheid or reconciliation between the military and FARC, but it's hard to get people to work together. It really is, and so Adam Kahane's book is a useful roadmap. The thing that helped me the most was his understanding about the tension between collaboration and control. Often times, we try to script things down to minutia: state the principles, identify the strategy, work the levers, etc. This is fine and dandy when you've got control and an infrastructure to operationalize, but when you're working collaboratively, you don't have that. You've got a Coalition of the Willing To Try Something Else, Maybe?

[Mish Middelmann · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book for our times: from a place of authority and experience, Kahane explains why we need to get skilled at working with people who are so different that we really don't like or trust them, let alone agree with them. Having laid bare the Why, he also give a set of high-level guidelines for the How to stretch out across radical differences amongst individuals and groups.

We simply have to do it, for the future of the human world.

Kahane is wise and experienced - from a background in the corporate world (mainly Shell) he has stepped into government and non-commercial institutions in some of the highest-conflict zones of the world. South Africa, Colombia, the global drug trade, Thailand, India and China are the sources of some of his practical examples which bravely include failures as well as successes.

What makes it more practical is the way he starts out: collaboration is not the only option. Actually, for all the nice things people often say, particularly from the top levels of public and private organisations, very often people take alternate routes: either give up, simply accept or use force to get their own way -rather than truly seeking to collaborate with the "enemy" of the title.

He also debunks the myth that some kind of orderliness and in-control planning for collaboration is enough in today's world of radically interconnected differences. This is where I often find the biggest resistance: organisations have become good at a certain level of controlled innovation, collaboration and change and resist going out of that comfort zone.

Yet what got us here, won't get us there. Where we need to go.

Kahane calls for unconventional "stretch" collaboration to deal with apparently irresolvable challenges from domestic family conflict to civil war. What he is so clear about is that the big breakthroughs come when everybody realises they can't completely control the outcome. He tells the great story about breakthroughs that happen when a communist city councillor accepts the invitation to sit down with a paramilitary warlord in Colombia who has "tried to have [him] killed five times" - "precisely so that he does not do so a sixth time."

I was touched by the way he described the breakthrough conversations he facilitated in Colombia: "They were in the middle of a conflict and did not agree on what the solution was or even on what the problem was." This is truly what it is like when we address the burning issues of today's world.

Embrace conflict, Kahane urges. "If we embrace harmonious engaging and reject discordant asserting, then we will end up suffocating the social system we are working with" - leading, as he says to the unwanted outcome of making a coup d'etat the most logical outcome. There is more than one "whole," he points out: in divided societies focusing on "the good of the whole" often fails to bring people together precisely because they see the whole, and its good, differently.

"Crossing the river by feeling for stones" is a beautiful metaphor for what Kahane advocates regarding experimenting the way forward in situations of high conflict. There is something that is beyond logic and debate that is needed to find new seeds to plant for our future world.

You have to acknowledge that you are part of the problem, he urges. It doesn't work to "enemyfy" the others in a way that defends yourself as some kind of fountain of wisdom and good intention. In the really big issues, you are also part of the system and can't indemnify yourself from your own challenges and personal growth.

This stance enables you to be a co-creator rather than the director of a solution. This matches my experience working with organisations and teams seeking to change some of the fundamentals of our world for greater inclusiveness, allowing diversity to truly flourish. We are all part of this, and those in the role of leader, coach, facilitator or consultant actually aren't immune to getting involved - in this kind of complexity, parallel processes arise in the coach/facilitator team that mirror those in the system they are supporting.

It doesn't mean that fairness and objectivity should be abandoned as beacons for our behaviour, just that we need to own up to the inherent limitations of pretending to be somehow aloof or separate from the issues burning our world.

Ultimately Kahane is calling us into action to address conflict and change in our world. The book ends with a set of brief guidelines for taking his core principles into action. I feel like he is an ally in that so much of my systems coaching work brings great concrete detail to the tools, skills and overarching "come from places" needed to do this work. I'm grateful to Reos Partners in Johannesburg for giving me this book and building collaboration around its implementation.

[Pueh Leng · Rating 1 out of 5]

An arrogant-white-man-trying-to-save-third-world-countries-from-collapsing kinda book, and it made me really curious how much the author made from convening all these little dialogue things since even he admitted that nothing much came out of them (but somehow he rationalised that they were still all beneficial etc etc). The preface oversold the book, but perhaps his other book, 'power and love', is much more useful than this long-winded book with a click-bait title. Skip to the very last chapter for the summary and a list of self-diagnosing questions. Essentially, we all know collaboration is hard, so give up control and go with the flow, alternate between asserting your views and giving in to others. Tell me something new.

[Siri Bennet · Rating 1 out of 5]

There was no advice here. It was just a vehicle for the author to brag about the people he knew and the experiences he'd had.

[qqGjRX4q5Py5a x79iEPdbrtryN · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are complex problems we need to solve with people we neither like nor trust. In those cases, traditional collaboration doesn't work, and we can either force, submit, leave or stretch. To stretch, we need to adopt conflict, try to find an emergent way forward together and accept we need to change ourselves for things to change. Being part of the problem to be part of the solution.

What did I learn ?

1. I was unaware of the similitudes between conflict-resolution and Agile, Lean Startup, participatory and collaborative decision-making processes, etc. There's an opportunity in making this knowledge available to product managers, intrapreneurs and developers, in a way that's simple and action-based.

2. The analysis on victimisation ("enemyfying") is brilliant: in a team, each member has their own ready-made vision of things, which renders empathy difficult. Rather try to influence by understanding each other's visions and feelings.

3. Finally, the transformative power of turning conflict into an advantage, when we embrace the generative dialectic between love (engaging) and power (asserting).

[Taras Dmytrus · Rating 3 out of 5]

Не знаю, можливо я очікував чогось іншого від цієї книжки, але не можу сказати що вона мені сподобалась. Цікаві історії як приклади і впринципі манера письма сподобалась. Автор мав дуже цікавий життєвий досвід розв’язання конфліктів. Але якихось особливих порад крім того що мені видається здоровим глуздом я не помітив.
Бути гнучким в обговореннях і шукати спільний ґрунт, але інколи треба стояти на своєму і дискутувати. Не фокусуватись на опоненті, а думати що можем зробити ми для вирішення проблеми. Оце і є дуже грубо описані ключові моменти правда вони не завжди працюють і треба як завжди самому думати що робити.
Додає плюсів те що книжка лаконічна і не розтягує ці всі історії без потреби. Також сподобалась ідея що вирішення конфлікту це також творчий процес, і він може бути унікальним для кожного випадку. Це вимагає постійної ревізії того що було зроблено і що спрацювало а що ні

[Abby Epplett · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was hoping to learn quick and simple tips on how to navigate office quibbles like "Who moved the pencils?" and "Where is the printer ink?" Instead, I was treated to a memoir-thesis about how the author springboarded his career through working for Shell during the Apartheid, then "solved" problems with drug lords in South America and child hunger in India. Fortunately, this book was short, so it was over soon. The author doubtlessly believes he has done good work, and perhaps he has helped some people, but the blindness he shows to his position in these situations is jarring.

[Alanna · Rating 3 out of 5]

Helpful, but not world changing.

Notes:
- to effectively collaborate (especially with people you dislike): give up the need for control, question your assumptions, establish a common purpose, push yourself to question your natural approach, feel more than plan your way through a problem, and be more assertive or more conciliatory when the situation calls for it.

[Pooria · Rating 2 out of 5]

A book with a great message and practical advice that I think everyone should follow. Almost everything in the book is drawn from personal experience and anecdotal evidence. Before reading this, I had made the same observations through my own limited experience and reached the same conclusions. When I rate a nonfiction work, though, I’m looking for deep research and checked biases, which is where this one falls short. Hence the “OK” rating, even though I really enjoyed the book.

[Moriah · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF around 75%

I was hoping for some solid strategies or ways to change my language or ways to handle conflicts that would be helpful to collaborating. Instead the author rattles on about the various world leaders and important projects he got to work on. I don’t feel like I’ve learned anything

[Andreina Garban · Rating 5 out of 5]

Collaborating with the Enemy by Adam Kahane comes in perfect timing. Living in Venezuela right now is certainly an unbelievable and sometimes exhausting challenge. I was lucky enough to met Adam years ago while a wonderful team was trying to launch the project of Futuros Posibles, the timing of this book is so appropiate. The understanding of a new approach, embracing collaboration as a learning process of stretching and responsibility as citizens and as individuals involved in complex situations or simple projects. Being aware of our role as part of any problem and part of every solution gives us a powerful perspective of how we can find different ways to cooperate and collaborate even with our worst enemies.

This is a book told not only from experience, but also as a great invitation for all of us to work in enhancing ourselves in a deep process of awareness, better communication and listening, and therefore, even as corny as it sounds, being able to do better for ourselves, our communities, our countries, and the world.

It’s worth reading! Thanks a lot Adam!

[Artem Kuz · Rating 3 out of 5]

Знаєш, бувають такі розмови, коли всі у колі мають якийсь досвід в чомусь конкретному, і просто по черзі ним діляться. Ну типу коли це не стільки дискусія, скільки намисто складене з "нє, а от в мене...".

Ця книга ніби найдовша в той вечір історія від найдосвідченішого чувака. Його було цікаво послухати, всі порозкривали роти, і я теж. І ніби вдалося щось і собі хапнути звідти, і ніби цікаво, але на виході якось порожньо в голові. Взагалі хтозна чи мені знадобиться такий досвід колись. Зараз я не та людина/працівник/член сім'ї де ці знання конче необхідно застосовувати. Зараз я або з однодумцями або можу спокійно "піти геть" без жодних сумнівів. Жодного місця для гнучкої співпраці.

Власне, прослухав в аудіоформаті. А потім знайшов собі на olx паперову копію, то ще перечитаю звичним способом дві передостанні глави, там якраз найцікавіше. Може і оцінку ще зміню)

Це перша моя книга від нового видавництва Лабораторія, на поличці в черзі вже є 4 інші, а в передзамовленні ще дві)

[Rds · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has the power to shift my thinking on what we need for pre-conditions to advance collaboration. The book centres around the need to use "stretch" collaboration when conventional collaboration won't be available. You may not agree on outcomes with those in your circle, but you can likely agree on the next step to take and you will be able to "feel your way along the stones." I also liked the reminder to "step into the game" which is a concept I have been thinking about since I read the "Art of Possibility" where they ask you to be the game board.

[Francesco · Rating 2 out of 5]

Il titolo è fuorviante perché l'argomento non parla di come lavorare con persone ostili ma solo con persone che hanno un punto di vista differente dal proprio - e che però non per questo sono necessariamente nemici.
Per il resto sono interessanti spunti di riflessione ma nulla che non sia già stato trattato in altri testi più autorevoli

[Nora · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hay ideas muy útiles pero tal vez esperaba más.

[Таля Винарська · Rating 3 out of 5]

Піддалась на те, що Емма Антонюк радила цю книгу, але, як на мене, вона надто схоже на всю решту книг про успішний успіх. Виділила собі 3 фрази, які дійсно зачепили. По суті, це все

[Hayley Hobbs · Rating 3 out of 5]

Highly repetitive and a lot of “duh” moments, but some good reinforcement of other things.

[Tomiko Robson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ll be thinking about this one for a while and seeing how it can be applied.

[Ghassan Samaha · Rating 3 out of 5]

Collaboration doesn't mean will always positively unfold, sometimes we have to be ready for conflict and solve it creatively!

[Mykhailo Shumylo · Rating 1 out of 5]

Це просто витрачений час! Примітивний текст із претензією на геніальність. Автор намагається показати на прикладах, як діяти в токсичному середовищі, натомість всі його проєкти і приклади провальні. Книгу цю придбав по рекомендації, 70 сторінок читав навіть з цікавістю, але не захопленням. Потім почались муки.

Не рекомендую цю книгу. Одна зірочка - це за дизайн обкладинки;)))

[Colleen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Collaborating with the Enemy is a valuable and challenging book. Adam Kahane starts by reminding the reader that we have choices and other options besides collaboration, and that the rest of the book is about when we make the choice to collaborate. He doesn't spend much time on situations where we may make the choice not to collaborate - and there are certainly circumstances where this may be the best option - but he does describe briefly the alternative paths. If we choose to collaborate in a difficult situation, he is clear that this is not a comfortable path, and not one where we will always feel in control. The second half of the book describes examples and techniques for collaborating, starting with engaging rather than asserting our power, looking for how we can influence but not control the future through co-creation of it, and accepting that we can't be part of the solution unless we realise that we are part of the problem. The concluding chapter offers exercises and activities aimed at individuals to prepare new behaviours and ways of thinking so we are ready for the challenges of effective collaboration. The step by step approach is constructive, and something an individual can use themselves before getting into the tougher and more difficult place of working with others - a good indication of whether we are ready for the collaborative approach.

[Sam · Rating 3 out of 5]

Adam Kahane writes a strategic guide for an individual-to-individual collaboration approach with enemies (defined as people with whom one does not agree with, like, or trust). Using both scholarly sources and personal anecdotes from decades of consulting work in business and government, the author theorizes "enemyfying" (enemy-making) as a mental process and "stretch collaboration" as an alternative to conventional collaboration techniques for communicating with an "enemy", utilizing different types of listening techniques and regular personal reflection. Some case studies include Colombia, Guatemala, India, the Organization of American States, South Africa, Thailand, and Venezuela. The final chapter provides a "stretch" practice guide. Readers interested in an introductory theoretical approach to collaboration may find this a quick read and one that bares rereading. Interested readers may want to see previous publications, as this is the fourth book by the author, of which develops a larger vision of how individuals can identify (and apply) their agency in collective decision-making.

[Sandra · Rating 1 out of 5]

Isties nekokia knyga. Knygoje daug autoriaus pavirsutinisku aprasymu apie jo parasytas ankstesnes knygas, sutiktus biciulius, ankstesnius darbus, keliones ir koks jis daug pasiekes ir visko mates. Atrodo, kad tiesiog ‘norejo’ arba ‘reikejo’ parasyti ilgesne knyga. Knyga yra ne apie santykius su bendradarbiais ar sunkaus budo zmonemis kasdieniniame gyvenime, bet apie valstybes/visuomenes/etc lyderius, kurie turi tam tikra itaka ir galia, atstovauja daliai visuomenes ar kitiems interesams. Deja, bet patarimai sunkiai pritaikomi kasdienybeje, nors ir autorius teigia, kad jie tiktu daugeliui organizaciju. Taip, tiktu, keliu organizaciju vadovams, bet ne tiesiog darbuotojams, kuriuos uzknisa ju kolegos. Apskirtai, knyga labai sausa, stilius pavirsutiniskas, prastos iliustracijos. Gale yra nuorodu sarasas, 5 puslapiu padeka, dar autoriaus ir iliustratoriaus biografijos, palikta vietos uzrasams, kas yra beveik ketvirtadalis knygos... Is knygos visai iseitu +- neblogas 3 lapu straipsnis. Bet tik tiek.