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Rage: A Step-by-Step Guide to Overcoming Explosive Anger
Powerful Tools for Overcoming Extreme Anger
Do you or someone you care about experience episodes of extreme and unpredictable anger? Intense rages that threaten relationships, jobs, property-or worse? The first thing you need to know is that you are not alone. Researchers estimate that some 7 percent of Americans may at some time experience a condition called intermittent explosive disorder (IED), which is characterized by reoccurring periods of extraordinary anger, and millions more have less frequent yet equally damaging experiences with rage. The second thing you need to know is that there is help. Rage can be calmed and controlled with good advice and a practical, effective plan for change. From renowned anger expert Ronald Potter-Efron, this book breaks down rage into four In survival rage, anger is triggered by a sense of danger or threat; feelings of helplessness can trigger impotence rage; the third type, abandonment rage, is triggered by a fear of losing a cherished relationship; and shame rage occurs when someone feels very disrespected. Rage briefly discusses how the brain functions during extreme emotion, and then it turns to the task of helping you stop episodes of rage-right now! In classic Potter-Efron style, the book places the responsibility for control squarely on the shoulders of the angry individual. There is no room in this dangerous situation for whys and becauses. Instead, Rage offers no-nonsense, step-by-step anger management tools that really work.
Do you or someone you care about experience episodes of extreme and unpredictable anger? Intense rages that threaten relationships, jobs, property-or worse? The first thing you need to know is that you are not alone. Researchers estimate that some 7 percent of Americans may at some time experience a condition called intermittent explosive disorder (IED), which is characterized by reoccurring periods of extraordinary anger, and millions more have less frequent yet equally damaging experiences with rage. The second thing you need to know is that there is help. Rage can be calmed and controlled with good advice and a practical, effective plan for change. From renowned anger expert Ronald Potter-Efron, this book breaks down rage into four In survival rage, anger is triggered by a sense of danger or threat; feelings of helplessness can trigger impotence rage; the third type, abandonment rage, is triggered by a fear of losing a cherished relationship; and shame rage occurs when someone feels very disrespected. Rage briefly discusses how the brain functions during extreme emotion, and then it turns to the task of helping you stop episodes of rage-right now! In classic Potter-Efron style, the book places the responsibility for control squarely on the shoulders of the angry individual. There is no room in this dangerous situation for whys and becauses. Instead, Rage offers no-nonsense, step-by-step anger management tools that really work.
176 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2007
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews
October 8, 2018
A good introduction on the subject of extreme anger and its causes. The author analyses the internal and external factors that contribute to this powerful emotion to its acute manifestations, a state of emotional overload, excessive anger accompanied by partial or complete loss of conscious awareness, a normal sense of self, and/or behavioral control.
The author identifies six different types of rage; two of them depend on how fast they develop: sudden and seething rages. Four types are human reactions to specific kinds of threats: survival rage, impotent rage, shame-based rage and finally abandonment rage.
The book is on the short side, I would have liked the author to expand on the major concepts; however it contains step-by-step methods and helpful techniques for overcoming each type.
Fav. quotes:
Shame-based rages happen when people cannot endure feeling their shame any longer. Instead, they go on the attack. They shame and blame their partners, children, friends, strangers—anyone and everyone. Their goal is to transfer their shame to others. Shame-based rage becomes a terrible game of “I don’t want it, you can have it,” played for the stakes of feeling good about yourself.
During periods of grave danger, the adrenal gland can deliver so much cortisol that the hippocampus gets seriously damaged. As a result, the hippocampus no longer can keep pace with the amygdala when it tells the adrenal gland to produce more cortisol. It’s as if the amygdala shouts “More cortisol!” while the hippocampus can only whisper “Less, please.” The hippocampus gradually becomes smaller and less effective, sometimes shrinking by as much as one-sixth of its normal size.
As pressure builds, the world of ragers becomes psychologically smaller and smaller. Their injuries are all they can think about. The meaning of their lives becomes focused upon redressing their wounds. They become totally obsessed.
…Paranoia is a close cousin of obsession. The more you obsess, the easier it is to become convinced that people are out to get you.
The author identifies six different types of rage; two of them depend on how fast they develop: sudden and seething rages. Four types are human reactions to specific kinds of threats: survival rage, impotent rage, shame-based rage and finally abandonment rage.
The book is on the short side, I would have liked the author to expand on the major concepts; however it contains step-by-step methods and helpful techniques for overcoming each type.
Fav. quotes:
Shame-based rages happen when people cannot endure feeling their shame any longer. Instead, they go on the attack. They shame and blame their partners, children, friends, strangers—anyone and everyone. Their goal is to transfer their shame to others. Shame-based rage becomes a terrible game of “I don’t want it, you can have it,” played for the stakes of feeling good about yourself.
During periods of grave danger, the adrenal gland can deliver so much cortisol that the hippocampus gets seriously damaged. As a result, the hippocampus no longer can keep pace with the amygdala when it tells the adrenal gland to produce more cortisol. It’s as if the amygdala shouts “More cortisol!” while the hippocampus can only whisper “Less, please.” The hippocampus gradually becomes smaller and less effective, sometimes shrinking by as much as one-sixth of its normal size.
As pressure builds, the world of ragers becomes psychologically smaller and smaller. Their injuries are all they can think about. The meaning of their lives becomes focused upon redressing their wounds. They become totally obsessed.
…Paranoia is a close cousin of obsession. The more you obsess, the easier it is to become convinced that people are out to get you.
April 20, 2015
This is the most life-changing book I've read. It outlines the factors, physiological and environmental, that contribute to the different forms of anger, then delineates anger from rage. Although not all rages can be prevented, the book prescribes actions to take to drastically decrease the frequency and severity of rage episodes. Most important, the book provides methods the rager can employ to take control of their behavior during a rage.
March 22, 2013
Overall, a very helpful book for understanding anger and the original fears and experiences that could lead to anger.
The break out of rage into four main categories -- survival rage, impotence rage, abandonment rage, and shame rage -- was really useful for looking at the nuances of the different types. The example statements of people with that type of anger is very helpful in identifying your own anger. Understanding the different factors allows you to understand how they could combine together to form your unique cocktail of insecurities or fears.
The book also has some great practical advice and exercises to changing away from anger to changing your underlying beliefs and filters towards a more positive, safe, and loving message about people. It guides you to consider your life and people today so that you can leave your past hurts in the past. The author doesn't try to coax you into feeling like you should feel safe with everyone, or naively trust. He encourages you to accept the reality that the world is safe enough, even if that means you make your world safe first, and trust in your ability to find safe people.
I would only caution about the section about accepting impotence rage. I think the example for a situation on accepting impotence rage should have been something more permanent or unchangeable like a health problem rather than what appears to be a very toxic and destructive relationship. I spent a lot of time mentally arguing with the suggestions to accept that toxic situation, because I still believed there was more that could be done or should be done to protect the children as well as the example individual. For that particular example, the book misses its own point of having to be in an actually safe environment to not rage or misassesses that the husband is actually very dangerous and harmful, even if he isn't raging. If possible, I would encourage trying to work your own example of a truly unchangeable or permanent problem instead of accepting the book's example.
For a troubled or destructive relationship, the following books would better equip you to navigate those kinds of situations --
The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing by Beverly Engel
Should I Stay or Should I Go?: A Guide to Knowing if Your Relationship Can--and Should--be Saved by Lundy Bancroft and JAC Patrissi
The break out of rage into four main categories -- survival rage, impotence rage, abandonment rage, and shame rage -- was really useful for looking at the nuances of the different types. The example statements of people with that type of anger is very helpful in identifying your own anger. Understanding the different factors allows you to understand how they could combine together to form your unique cocktail of insecurities or fears.
The book also has some great practical advice and exercises to changing away from anger to changing your underlying beliefs and filters towards a more positive, safe, and loving message about people. It guides you to consider your life and people today so that you can leave your past hurts in the past. The author doesn't try to coax you into feeling like you should feel safe with everyone, or naively trust. He encourages you to accept the reality that the world is safe enough, even if that means you make your world safe first, and trust in your ability to find safe people.
I would only caution about the section about accepting impotence rage. I think the example for a situation on accepting impotence rage should have been something more permanent or unchangeable like a health problem rather than what appears to be a very toxic and destructive relationship. I spent a lot of time mentally arguing with the suggestions to accept that toxic situation, because I still believed there was more that could be done or should be done to protect the children as well as the example individual. For that particular example, the book misses its own point of having to be in an actually safe environment to not rage or misassesses that the husband is actually very dangerous and harmful, even if he isn't raging. If possible, I would encourage trying to work your own example of a truly unchangeable or permanent problem instead of accepting the book's example.
For a troubled or destructive relationship, the following books would better equip you to navigate those kinds of situations --
The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing by Beverly Engel
Should I Stay or Should I Go?: A Guide to Knowing if Your Relationship Can--and Should--be Saved by Lundy Bancroft and JAC Patrissi
February 26, 2023
Not a must-read, but still useful to be aware of what kind of people can surround you and what can cause someone's rage. Most valuable part for parents is that EVERY rage roots back to early childhood when subconscious is formed. You can (and you should of course) as an adult work on yourself to find ways to un-rage yourself and overcome childhood trauma, but the root will never be corrected, the root is damaged. Remember that when you raise a child and think that "children will grow up and forget". Children don't forget.
July 28, 2011
A great book for people who know they have a rage problem and want to do something about it. Interesting to see the various descriptions of different kinds of rage - sudden, seething, shame-based, abandonment, survival rage, and impotence rage.
October 17, 2018
If you have a temper problem, read this. He breaks down anger into categories in a way I have never seen, that will completely shift your understanding. Life changing.
If you don't have a temper problem, read this. He shows how anger manifests itself in society, and how that guy you just cut off is experiencing the incident, completely out of control because he just fell into a shame spiral and he literally is not in his right mind. It's pretty eye opening as to what some people are going through around you, maybe your family or a friend, maybe another driver. Don't engage angry people! It will give you much to think about.
All written with compassion and understanding, but tough minded as well.
If you don't have a temper problem, read this. He shows how anger manifests itself in society, and how that guy you just cut off is experiencing the incident, completely out of control because he just fell into a shame spiral and he literally is not in his right mind. It's pretty eye opening as to what some people are going through around you, maybe your family or a friend, maybe another driver. Don't engage angry people! It will give you much to think about.
All written with compassion and understanding, but tough minded as well.
May 18, 2021
Pretty insightful on the various types of anger & rage, from impotent rage to abandonment rage , & why the angry person primarily takes it out on the people they love. Some good practical advice. I wish there were more in the way of actionable items.
I’ll most likely turn to this book again & again as a useful & valuable way to catalog & compartmentalize my emotions.
The only aspect I didn’t like was that the writing occasionally struck the tone of a 1950s educational scare movie. The book described “music loudly pumping in the background!” & “chasing skirts!” To be fair I’m not reading a book like this for the language but that’s why I gave it 4 stars instead of 5.
I’ll most likely turn to this book again & again as a useful & valuable way to catalog & compartmentalize my emotions.
The only aspect I didn’t like was that the writing occasionally struck the tone of a 1950s educational scare movie. The book described “music loudly pumping in the background!” & “chasing skirts!” To be fair I’m not reading a book like this for the language but that’s why I gave it 4 stars instead of 5.
October 23, 2017
Finished reading “Rage: A Step-by-Step Guide to Overcoming Explosive Anger” by Ronald T. Potter-Efron.
This is one of the best self-help books which can help the 80% of the population who are in agony and involved in any sort of the angry / rage acts. Author Ronald has well populated the information with the gentle start by elaborating the fact on “getting or being angry” and how we are not different from rest or not alone which is known as intermittent explosive disorder. Though book went in lot detail on how it’s developed and the basis of a personal behavior or root cause – there’s lot an individual need to do to overcome that. As promised by Ronald it can be calmed and controlled with good advice and a practical, effective plan for change – which is offered in this book.
Overall an obliging book to give an overview of anger and steps to overcome.
Happy Reading!!
# Ronald T. Potter-Efron
This is one of the best self-help books which can help the 80% of the population who are in agony and involved in any sort of the angry / rage acts. Author Ronald has well populated the information with the gentle start by elaborating the fact on “getting or being angry” and how we are not different from rest or not alone which is known as intermittent explosive disorder. Though book went in lot detail on how it’s developed and the basis of a personal behavior or root cause – there’s lot an individual need to do to overcome that. As promised by Ronald it can be calmed and controlled with good advice and a practical, effective plan for change – which is offered in this book.
Overall an obliging book to give an overview of anger and steps to overcome.
Happy Reading!!
# Ronald T. Potter-Efron
May 15, 2025
I found this book valuable, especially in how it breaks down different forms of rage and offers practical solutions for managing them. In that respect, it serves as a solid reference for anyone dealing with anger.
However, I did have one major concern. The author frequently implies that those who trigger a person’s rage are generally well-meaning, misunderstood, or simply flawed in minor ways. While that may often be true, the book largely ignores a harsher reality: some people are genuinely malicious—manipulative, abusive, or intentionally harmful. The author tends to gloss over this, instead encouraging readers to "see the good in others," which feels naive and dismissive in the face of real toxicity or abuse.
By not addressing these kinds of situations, the book does a disservice to readers who may be confronting more than just interpersonal misunderstandings. It feels like a blind spot that undermines an otherwise insightful guide.
However, I did have one major concern. The author frequently implies that those who trigger a person’s rage are generally well-meaning, misunderstood, or simply flawed in minor ways. While that may often be true, the book largely ignores a harsher reality: some people are genuinely malicious—manipulative, abusive, or intentionally harmful. The author tends to gloss over this, instead encouraging readers to "see the good in others," which feels naive and dismissive in the face of real toxicity or abuse.
By not addressing these kinds of situations, the book does a disservice to readers who may be confronting more than just interpersonal misunderstandings. It feels like a blind spot that undermines an otherwise insightful guide.
November 20, 2022
This book was matter-of-fact and exactly what it says on the tin. It’s written in such a manner that a reader can identify and become self-aware with aspects that are most relevant to them. It does have some useful insights and tips.
I didn’t rate it higher as, in some ways, it felt dated and unbelievable e.g. the case study names, which of course were anonymised but the names just didn’t feel real. It also felt as though it had a bias towards medicating rather than natural therapies. Finally some of it felt a little gender stereotypical.
A quick read!
I didn’t rate it higher as, in some ways, it felt dated and unbelievable e.g. the case study names, which of course were anonymised but the names just didn’t feel real. It also felt as though it had a bias towards medicating rather than natural therapies. Finally some of it felt a little gender stereotypical.
A quick read!
April 19, 2018
The solution is quite simple. Think of the reason why you are getting furious.
If it is a person, you should find a way to forgive him.
The good thing is that you can find which anger you have.
For me, I have this anger that I got suddenly so angry when I can't control something whether it is a person or environment. Then, the anger turned to myself.
Anyway, it was good to identify different anger.
If it is a person, you should find a way to forgive him.
The good thing is that you can find which anger you have.
For me, I have this anger that I got suddenly so angry when I can't control something whether it is a person or environment. Then, the anger turned to myself.
Anyway, it was good to identify different anger.
January 20, 2025
This is a great read for anyone dealing with extreme anger and rage, even if it's in a friend or loved one. There are insights into how rage can manifest in an individual, as well as helpful techniques for managing that rage. The author describes the issues in concise language, using examples from his practice as an answer management counselor. The tools and suggestions he offers may be invaluable to people who struggle with these issues.
June 11, 2022
Well-written, lucid, and succinct. Potter-Efron does an excellent job of explaining the causes of explosive anger and provides common sense tips on how to prevent rage and control anger. He places the responsibility on the person who rages to solve the problem, and encourages people to seek therapy.
January 9, 2024
questionable science, but good points
I questioned some of the science, especially considering the lack of citations. That being said, I do think there are valid points to the types of rage, their origins, and their antidotes.
Most helpful is knowing how many people have these types of issues.
I questioned some of the science, especially considering the lack of citations. That being said, I do think there are valid points to the types of rage, their origins, and their antidotes.
Most helpful is knowing how many people have these types of issues.
April 27, 2024
I'm very hesitant to give a self help book 5 stars but this was well deserved. It was thorough with a wide variety of examples so that it wasn't just one size fits all. It was well thought out and empathetic while also not enabling. This was helpful to understanding the problem and also means of correcting the behavior. I'm glad I bought this book!
June 4, 2024
I switched between the audiobook and the Kindle edition. Sometimes, I wasn't even sure if the author who seems to be a great writer and very witty, intended for the delivery of the voice actor to be this comically funny. The topic is serious but it's a massively entertaining read/audiobook.
If you suffer from anger and/or rage. This book will help you examine the problem.
If you suffer from anger and/or rage. This book will help you examine the problem.
October 16, 2021
Though I do not personally suffer from anger management problems, this book gave me a lot of empathy for clients who do, and I plan on recommending it to anyone who wants to get their temper under control.
August 12, 2025
This was easy to follow and provided some very useful tips on how to work through rage episodes. I feel like I learned something new about myself and now I have new methods that will help me better myself. 10/10 would recommend.
December 8, 2019
Great book / really practical and helpful / free yourself from the trap of rage
December 18, 2019
A good guide to helping maintain your cool
April 26, 2020
Good self-help/psychoeducational book that explains different kinds of rage one could have.
March 6, 2021
Very good book defining different rage types. I just wish it had a chapter about a mixture of types.
October 19, 2022
Very good book with a lot of solid advice.
March 19, 2024
When treated like a workbook, it may feel simple and obvious yet it has a profound effect on your ability to decipher and describe your rage.
June 15, 2017
Not bad, useful introduction about the different kinds of anger outbursts we can experience, with some suggestions on how to handle it.
About 45 pages in I was worried that the book would be more about an empty call for instrospection, just riddled with parables, but luckily I was soon comforted by a tecnique introduced to change patterns, so it has indeed practical value.
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March 1, 2010WONDERFUL BOOK
July 9, 2011
Very helpful.
August 30, 2015
일반적으로 "욱"하는게 아니라 너무 극단적이고 거의 정신병자 수준의 예가 대부분.
이건 정신질환 환자 치료법을 설명하는 듯해서 실생활에 도움될 일은 별로 없을 듯.
이건 정신질환 환자 치료법을 설명하는 듯해서 실생활에 도움될 일은 별로 없을 듯.
November 27, 2016
Good overview of the subject. Not enough specifics on how to fix the problem.
May 5, 2020
Insightful
Impotent rage was the most profound part of the book because that's exactly what I deal with everyday. Thank you!
Impotent rage was the most profound part of the book because that's exactly what I deal with everyday. Thank you!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews