You Can Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse: The #1 System for Recovering from Toxic Relationships

by Melanie Tonia Evans, Christiane Northrup (Foreword)

Heal your pain and break free from toxic relationships with this unique recovery program designed by one of the world’s leading authorities on narcissistic abuse.

Narcissistic abuse was originally defined as a specific form of emotional abuse of children by narcissistic parents. More recently, the term has been applied more broadly, referring to any abuse by a narcissist (someone that who admires their own attributes)—especially adult-to-adult relationships, where the abuse may be mental, physical, financial, spiritual, or sexual.
 
If you have been through an abusive relationship with someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, you will know that no one understands what you are going through unless they have personally experienced it. Author Melanie Tonia Evans was abused by her former husband for over five years, and it almost took her to the point of no return. At her lowest point, she had an epiphany that signified the birth of the Quanta Freedom Healing Technique, which she presents here.
 
In this book, you will learn how

• recognize if you are in an abusive relationship
• detach or remove yourself from the narcissist's ability to affect or abuse you
• identify your subconscious programming, release it, and replace it
• focus on healing yourself to become empowered to thrive and not just survive
 
With thousands of patients successfully treated worldwide, this revolutionary program is designed to heal you from the inside out.

Genres: Self Help, Psychology, Nonfiction, Mental Health

272 pages, Paperback

Published November 13, 2018

Reviews

[Kavish · Rating 1 out of 5]

There is a LOT of victim blaming. The author puts all the blame for abuse having happened on the victim. She says you are being abused because you have trauma inside you. Thus to forever free yourself from abuse you first need to get rid of your trauma, you must heal completely.

I would like to ask the author this question that, has she healed all the pain of the past or has she been able to forget all her painful past memories? Can she help me meet someone who is not troubled by past painful events every now and then? Is there any human being like that who is not somewhat wounded?

To the victims of narcissistic abuse I would like to say these:
You did not deserve the abuse and You did not bring it upon yourself.
You must gain as much knowledge as you can about narcissistic abuse. Be an expert on NPD.
Write in Journal everyday and let your intuition speak to you about events, things and people in your life.
Be VERY kind, compassionate and caring towards yourself. Talk to yourself in your journal everyday. Write loving notes to yourself.
Build a narc radar. A narc radar is built by going through abuse and then reading extensively about it. You need knowledge and experience to build a narc radar. Narc radar will protect you from future Narcs.
Hide yourself. Don’t reveal your past failures, hurts or disappointments to people. Instead write what troubles you in the journal, share it with yourself.

Don’t feel bad about feeling any kind of emotional pain. You cannot force it to go away. Let your heart grieve as much as it wants.Accept the pain but take very good care of yourself.

Read Trauma and recovery by Judith Herman. It’s for C-PTSD sufferers and you are suffering from C-PTSD. Alongside it, The War on Lies Journal helped me identify and remove the toxic shitty views left by abusers. Together, these will help you recover from trauma and if you don’t 100% recover from trauma that is okay. A 50-70% healing can provide a lot of relief and is a realistic goal to achieve.

[Naomi · Rating 1 out of 5]

Don't buy this book. It's a long winded advertisement for the "recovery program" the author is selling that is dangerously aimed at vulnerable people that need professional help. She's not a psychologist or even a therapist/counselor. What's even worse is that it's so incredibly repetitive it's essentially unreadable.

[Emma · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is great if you’re a sufferer of narcissistic abuse or simply just want to self educate on narcissism but it really put me off that on every page the writer was wanting the reader to buy into their programs and offering free products so it came across very pushy / salesy and I wanted to just focus on what was happening in the book not to be detoured into buying courses or programs.

[Daniel Slusser · Rating 1 out of 5]

I’m sorry… I had to DNF.

As someone in recovery and trying to unpack the trauma of having narcissistic parents, this book was NOT for me. Seeing as a lot of the other reviews agreed, I think it’s safe to say that the author of this is really just using this book to sell her program. I’m not trying to diminish her trauma, but the amount of times she brings it up.. is too many times for my liking.

It’s also oddly spiritual? Not in a very good way either.. I’m a spiritual person, I identify as Agnostic so I don’t mind when others discuss how religion and spirituality helped them.. BUT. This book, specifically the author, writes it as if the reader NEEEDS to focus on religion, and while that might help some, using it as a building block (and yes. that’s another thing I want to focus on) to help is NOT it. That leads me to the last thing. They write as if there are steps, as if it is linear. I think it 100% draws back into the program they own and advertise SEVERAL times throughout, but in any situation like this, it is not helpful😭😭😭

I feel as though while I gave this more chances than I should have (hmm.. Pattern in my life here I think..) it overall was not helpful to me, and I’m glad I realized that early on.

[Laura Tice · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a life changer. If you have experienced emotional abuse at the hands of loving a narcissist, this book is for you. This book delves into all aspects of healing while encouraging individuals to take responsibility and ownership of it. This is not only educational but is a step-by-step process in which you can heal trauma and learn to transform into your true self. It is empowering to read as you build a relationship with yourself and take your power back. I felt a complete transformation take place within myself just after Step 4 (there are 10 total). The recovery process can be difficult but the benefits of healing on the other end are beyond worth it!

[Alyssa Lemoine · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not a fan of the amount of times the author used religion as a tool to heal. If that works for some people, that’s great. But it doesn’t work for everyone. It was a little bit too spiritual for me, which just doesn’t feel realistic when it comes to the process of healing. Also felt like she was trying to sell a product the whole time instead of giving actual advice. I had very high expectations for this book so I’m sad that I didn’t like it or find it helpful 😕

[Syd Wachs · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was a DNF for me. The book started out great and very validating. She'd been through many things that I've been through and it was nice to feel like I wasn't the only one.

However, it quickly turned into a relentless promo for her healing techniques.
I have a few issues with this:
- Her healing method is based on Quantum physics. Do you know who understands Quantum theory? Quantum scientists, and even then, most of the time they don't.
- I can't find any info regarding what psychological training she's been through. She doesn't seem to be a counsellor or therapist or even a certified coach of any sort. And the issue I have with this is that she repeatedly quoted big-name neuroscientists in the book, like Bessel van der Kolk, who wrote The Body Keeps the Score (which I'd just finished prior to this book). It really felt like she was quoting these doctors to add credibility to her words.

On top of this, the book began with her saying things like (paraphrasing) "what they did" etc. I thought, awesome, this book is going to actually use gender-neutral language, which I as a nonbinary person appreciate.
That lasted about 2 pages until it got to an awkward level of sometimes more than once in a sentence using "he or she" instead of "they." First of all, that's way harder to read. Second of all, it really does exclude people who exist outside the gender binary.

On the same note, I quit reading at this part for obvious reasons:
"...when asking your inner being/inner child questions, or communicating with it in any way, please do this as lovingly as possible. If you are female, you could for example address your inner being/inner child as 'sweetheart' or 'darling' or whatever term feels endearing to you. Talk to this part of yourself exactly as you would someone you adore with all your heart. Likewise, if you are male, perhaps use a term like 'mate' or 'buddy' with all the love that you can muster."

I just...couldn't. Not after that.

I've just looked up her website and, as I expected, it's chock full of promo photos in multiple outfits and multiple locations, all featuring her beaming smile and killer bod. I understand she's been featured in loads of publications and news networks, but I'm immediately skeptical of people who have photos like that all over the place. It feels like "Look how awesome and cool my life is, I'm fit and healthy and joyful because of this" when that just isn't the reality for so many people after narcissistically abusive relationships.
Her son also helps run the business which makes me a little 'hmmm' as well.

I'll stop here. This was simply my experience of the book, and if it's been yours too, here's my rec: I've honestly gotten SO much more out of Dr. Ramani's podcast and videos because she talks about narcissistic abuse from a psychological perspective and how to move on and disconnect from your abusers. Definitely worth a check out.

[Rachelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley for this digital copy for my honest review.
I highly recommend this book if you are a victim of Narcissistic abuse or feel you might be. It helps you recognize a narcissist of you are unsure and helps you to heal and recover your life after abuse. It is a wonderful book that I definitely will refer back to and use myself for recovery.

[Absolutnatalie · Rating 1 out of 5]

Simplistic and 12-step based. Should have put that somewhere on the cover. And the name of her program on the cover.

[Tiina · Rating 1 out of 5]

Vist kõige kallim reklaamtekst, mis mulle kätte on sattunud.

Paar olulist tähelepanekut:
1. autoril puudub haridus meditsiini/psühholoogiavaldkonnas
2. autori väitel on nartsisissm/trauma geneetiliselt päritav, mis on selle põhjuseks, et praeguses ühiskonnas on iga viies (!!!) inimene nartsissist
3. autor süüdistab ebatavaliselt palju ohvrit

Ja iga jumala peatükk kordas eelnevat rõve palju ja lõppes sõnadega, et 'tule liitu mu TASUTA online programmiga veebilehel...' - mis kuradi mõte siis sellel raamatu avaldamisel oli? Uudishimust raamatu alguses läksin veebilehele otsima mingit küsimustiku, mis pidi aitama aru saada, kas mu elu pahalane on nartsissist või mitte - ei leidnud seda. Ja veebileht ise oli ÖÄKK, nii et ei hakka seda siin ära tooma.

Samuti tahan rõhutada, et:
mitte iga sitapea ei ole nartsissist ja mitte iga nartsissist ei ole sitapea; ja PALUN, nimetame asju õigete nimedega. Sitapea on sitapea (ja neid on maailmas omajagu...) ja nartsissist on nartsissist. (Ja väikese guugeldamise järel tuleb mainida, et ainult 0.5-5% rahvastikust on niiöelda diagnoosile vastavad; ja seda on palju vähem kui iga viies inimene...)

[Francesca · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this self-help book. The author gives real-life exercises to conquer trauma from narcissist abuse, which I found truly helpful. I gave this book 4 stars however because it included too many sales pitches for my taste - the author mentions her "Thriver" program over and over again, which I thought was redundant. I also did not enjoy the format of this book - the page are extra tall, which made it a bit of a burden from me to read. Having that said I do not want to take away from the power of this book. If you are looking to heal from narcissistic abuse, the approach she uses could be the one for you. It is all about self-exploration and soul searching - Loved, loved, loved it.

[Natalie Romano · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think this is going to be more helpful to someone who is not a Christian and/or someone who has no desire to forgive. This may help nudge you in a better direction. Forgiving the narcissist is absolutely necessary to healing. It's the hardest thing to forgive really because as you heal you forgive but then old things come to the surface that you now realize was more abuse and so we have to start over somewhat. The whole process is exhausting and beyond painful yet there is purpose. After ending a 20 year relationship with a covert narcissist..I'm honestly grateful to have survived. This book did enlighten me to the fact that the narcissist is the messenger. Receive the message! Heal! Otherwise you roll right into a relationship with another one who may be even worse.

[Cynthia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read the first half of the book in small emotional bites through tears of recognition. This was the eye-opening beginning of understanding what happened to me. I felt dazed/removed as I processed the near perfect description of my reality. I am truly grateful for the validation I felt.

I entered the second half of the book with anticipation of "recovery," hoping for a way to move through the trauma that worked for me. Ms. Evans' solution left me disappointed, and wanting something more solid to work on. I confess, I did not finish the book once I realized the ethereal direction of her solution.

[Pam Reed · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is a shallow book of self-promotion by the author for her own method of "healing". It's based, not on her experience as a counsellor or psychologist (I don't believe she has qualifications in either area) but on a sudden personal revelation of what worked in her own life. It's mainly advertising for her website and is very repetitive writing. But perhaps the most dangerous aspect is that it's a "one size fits all" approach. The implication then is that if it doesn't work for someone they are a failure - a terrible message for someone brought low by narcissistic abuse.

[Randi · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is fine if you're in the beginning steps of understanding narcissism, but I didn't find anything in it to be especially helpful, enlightening, or empowering. The author spent more time talking herself and her process up than she needed to, and I found it very off-putting. Really, the book would've made a better blog post instead of a book.

[Cristie Underwood · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author gave advice that is realistic to follow in order to heal from narcissistic abuse, which many people do not know about. I am majoring in Psychology and found this to be an informative and well written read.

[Toni · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a ray of hope for people who are suffering from narcissistic abuse. The author not only outlines what this really means but also explains that there is a way for you to reclaim your life and be filled with joy again.

[Ashlee Quillen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good information but it was too salesy towards joining her free online support group, that it ruined the book for me.

[Kaylee · Rating 1 out of 5]

I skimmed this book because it was so bad. Just a promo for her program. Skip this one, there are so many better books about this subject.

[Wendy Wilson · Rating 1 out of 5]

Too much victim blaming and blatant marketing.

[Mariah · Rating 4 out of 5]

It took me a LONG time to finish this book—a little over a year. I found that Melanie Tonia Evans had some great tips and I really loved how she encouraged so much self-reflection. I found the exercises at the end of each chapter to be beneficial, but rather emotionally draining and time consuming. A couple things that I didn’t love are how she promoted her Thriver Program A LOT (a bit sales-pitchy!) and spoke about new-agey concepts (e.g. past lives, quantum healing, soul healing).

I think one of the most eye-opening sections in the book for me was p.59 where the author spoke about trauma bonding and how physiologically people get addicted to neuropeptides that are released from trauma. Trauma bonding helps explain why people stay in toxic relationships—they are literally addicted! I found that this helped me understand why I would develop the urge to have the last word in an argument when I knew it was better to walk away. It also explained why I repeatedly tolerated friendships and romantic relationships that mimicked a draining familial relationship. I was never a victim because I was getting something from the relationships and I was making the choice to stay. I think making the realization that I have agency was really powerful.

Overall, I think that this book is a worthwhile read and I feel that I have learned a lot from it. I felt that what Evans spoke about rang true to me and was helpful. I would recommend this book to anyone who has experienced trauma from narcissistic relationships—romantic, platonic, or familial.

[Jeffrey Nichols · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book to get to the root

I picked this book up on sale as I had a narcissist in my life for a while. I eventually, after many long years of trying to fix things, ended up going no contact. I was pretty good with the decision at the time, and still am, but I didn't have any backup for that feeling. Thus book helped me know I made the right choice. Only one negative about the book is that I felt in several chapters pushed to join the Thriver community. I felt it could have been lessened or at least an introduction section about it so readers would be aware ahead. But there were many positives including working on your own trauma, which doesn't need to involve a narcissist. I felt I picked up more than just help on dealing with narcissists and learned to reevaluate several issues that I've had and the roots of them to fix them. I feel this book could easily be called something else by dropping the narcissistic part in the title, and maybe changing the subtitle to "learn to get to the root cause of your issues and clear them". Highly recommend this book to anyone with trauma or dealing with a narcissist.

[Christine · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is about helping yourself heal after abuse and/or trauma from people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It outlines criteria of trauma and gives specific examples. Then you follow several clearly laid-out steps for confronting and processing through the damage it has caused you.

I thought this book was immensely practical. Sometimes when you read books about Narcissistic Personality Disorder you get so bogged down in the problems and nature of the abuser that it can feel hopeless. This book was refreshing in that it stressed what the victims can do to recover and why victims will often continue to provide supply. Realizing your part in in providing Narcissistic supply is not to blame victims, but shows how tangled and messy the relationship can be, something that might be a revelation to victims of emotional abuse.

This book focuses most of its efforts on the step-by-step guide to identifying traumas, processing them, and moving on in a healthy way. I found it to be incredibly practical, positive, and hopeful. I would recommend to others interested in this topic.

Special thanks for NetGalley for my complimentary copy in return for my honest review.

[Chelsea Polk · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is so helpful in managing snd freeing yourself from immense pain and recovering after experiencing a toxic relationship. It’s less about trying to understand the other person and why they behave the way they did, and more geared towards focusing on yourself and healing yourself so that you never have to deal with that type of person again.Melanie explains that no normally whole and healed individual wis going to try to tear another person down and try to hurt them. Along with the book access to a program called thrive which includes 8 days of coursework and modules, as well as the NARP program. I got both to help, and have found them to be very beneficial; more so than traditional talk therapy. I took the Thrive program and it’s super helpful l, so going to explore the other options she has available. You can tell a lot of time and effort was put into this. I saw some negative reviews on here, but with therapy being $170 per session, it seems like it’s worthwhile to try something that’s close in cost.

[Michael Mardel · Rating 5 out of 5]

You can thrive after narcissistic abuse...by Evans. Thanks to an author from India I realised I related to the two characters who were in narcissistic abusive relationships. Then, I suppose, miraculously, I came across Evans' book and her online programs. I bought her book in November, I think, and it has taken me till the beginning of 2019 to finish as I went through the 10 steps of recovery. I even bought a recording of a theta sound which sounds very Japanese. I guess I am lucky that I have progressed from being brought up a Catholic, with its own abuse, to being an atheist with knowledge of Reiki and Chakras. White lighting myself comes easily for me. So thanks for this knowledge, Ms Evans - I even withdrew my book on abuse as I only had cognitive solutions.

[MaxMuster · Rating 1 out of 5]

"In this book I also mention past lives. [...] During my earlier work as a past-life regression therapist, I frequently received startling evidence from people who recalled historic events of which they had no previous conscious knowledge at all. This included names and dates and events that could be checked out in historical records, including birth certificates. I had this experience many times myself during my own regressions."

"... releasing trauma from within their inner identity at a cellular level, experience their mind following suit. Freed up from toxic trauma, they have the room in their cells now for new ideas, fresh ways of being, inspirations, solutions and true healing to enter."

[Elisabeth · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don’t subscribe to the idea that some people are inherently evil and some are inherently good. I believe behavior can be evil or good, behavior can have consequences, and behavior can change. Behavior is not so much a representation of a state of being as a representation of what is happening at a given time. It can be addressed, but it is always a choice to address behavior—or not.

The author seems to support a common theme that behavior present in certain conditions is behavior that cannot change. The author also posits that narcissism is a psychic disease, something spiritual. I don’t find this hard to believe. I do find it hard to believe that the solution is as simple as imagining trauma dissolving out of the head and white light replacing it. If only.

[Edward · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a workbook so is best studied when you're not doing other things. The journaling exercises in the book are intended to take you through a number of steps to help you find your whole self. The concept is that you attract narcissists to you because you are not whole in your own self. This makes a lot of sense from a spiritual perspective as once we become whole in ourselves we are no longer susceptible to those outside of ourselves who are not. There is also a lot of reference to Melanie's NARP thriver community as she also runs a paid-for online programme which provides a community for people suffering toxic relationships alongside a guided programme to help you heal.

[K.L Rasmussen · Rating 5 out of 5]

After reading and working through the detailed steps in this book, I can say I am definitely not the same person, and that's for the better. This book forced me to look deep into my soul and to heal parts of my inner child that I didn't know were still hurting. It gave me my power back and has helped my self-confidence immensely. It makes you wonder, 'Why did I think I deserved to be treated so horribly?' I have learned better stress techniques and the anxieties I had left over from the toxic relationship have almost dissipated. I would recommend this to anyone who has suffered from an unhealthy relationship. It may stop this pattern in your life and help you find healthy relationships!

[Amlie Mess · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book helped me with my healing over time, but was a long and boring process. All "activities" were basically the same and they were exhausting.
Took me about a year to finish the "program" since it was like a chore for me. Some infos I read made me realise a certain pattern I used to do, but overall, I just worked on myself by myself and eventually healed. I do not NOT recommend it since it kind of helped me a little, but I don't like the way the author spoke about her program like it was all magical and sparkles. It's not, really.