Defining You: Discover telling insights into your behaviour, motives and results to unlock your full potential

by Fiona Murden

Please Read Brand New, International Softcover Edition, Printed in black and white pages, minor self wear on the cover or pages, Sale restriction may be printed on the book, but Book name, contents, and author are exactly same as Hardcover Edition. Fast delivery through DHL/FedEx express.

Genres: Self Help, Psychology, Nonfiction, Personal Development

262 pages, Paperback

Published January 1, 2018

About the author

Fiona Murden is a Psychologist, Associate Fellow of the British Psychological Society, author and stimulating public speaker. Fiona has worked with the elite: high performers from across industries, sport, business and politics for the last 18 years, helping them to achieve optimal performance. She profiles senior leaders in the USA, UK, Europe and Asia Pacific to assess their fit, strengths and the risks in relation to the role that they are being hired for. She also acts as coach and advisor to executive boards across a broad range of industries.

In her book, Defining You, Fiona aims to begin to democratise the process of behavioural support that psychologists offer to the more extreme edges of society making it accessible for people in their daily lives helping people to better understand themselves and others. The outcome being improved physical and mental health, happiness and a more optimised level of potential.

In addition to her writing, speaking and running the company she established in 2007, Aroka Ltd, Fiona is founder of the charity Dot-to-Dot - ‘joining the dots on human behaviour’. She is passionate about increasing understanding of how our minds work, to empower all of us to reach our true potential and to ultimately enable a positive and significant impact on global issues such as obesity, terrorism and mental health.

Fiona has a Bachelor of Science in Psychology from Warwick University, a Business Masters from Warwick University Business School and a Master of Science in Psychology, gained with distinction, from The University of London.

Reviews

[Don Gerstein · Rating 5 out of 5]

I began reading this book solely to review it, yet early on I became an active participant in Fiona Murden’s system outlined in “Defining You.” Hopefully, my personal experiences will help you decide that this book will be helpful.

Early on, I was able to see that this was not going to be a common, everyday self-help book. Not only are the exercises more in-depth and require you to be extremely introspective, but Ms. Murden has achieved her goal of giving each participant a virtual psychologist to help with understanding their personal data (I use the word participant rather than reader in this review, as readers will gain some knowledge from this book while participants will achieve a great amount of personal insight).

Early exercises help reveal how our childhood and then early adulthood has helped to fashion us into the people we are today. Ms. Murden encourages documenting both positive and negative events on our personal timelines, and she follows this exercise with additional questions to help us probe deeper. I found these exercises to be of great worth, revealing information about myself that has impacted my life in ways to both promote me while at times holding me back. The negatives are “beliefs” which I had reinforced over the years and believed to be true.

There is an opportunity to take a psychometric measurement, another tool in ascertaining more about yourself. In this case, it is a personality measurement. There are multiple methods the company offers to achieve this (I chose to complete it online), and I liked that I had the ability to protect some of my personal data, as well as requesting for it to be deleted.

Once you have collected and reviewed your personal data the author shows you how to put it all together in a way that makes sense and will become a platform upon which you can construct your future goals and accomplishments.

The book is broken into logical sections and chapters (which Ms. Murden refers to as “sessions”). Knowledge and insight are shared, although the author (perhaps recognizing the difficulty for anyone to make changes) allows a flexibility in the tasks. I see the value in this technique, as it would be better to perform a lighter version of a task than to become frustrated and set the book aside. And, as the author reminds us, we can always return to the harder tasks at a later date.

Over the years, I have read well over 100 books dealing with self-development and “Defining You” is by far the best of the lot. Ms. Murden’s writing style makes you feel as if she was there, giving guidance whenever needed, and helping you to establish your purpose and achieve your goals. If you are willing to put in the time, using the book as a textbook/workbook, I guarantee you will walk away with a treasure trove of personal knowledge that will aid you in your efforts to live a challenging and fulfilled life. Five stars.

[Edna Staples · Rating 5 out of 5]

Definding you......
The reason by this book has many reasons why and We will talk about each point as it defines you. This is my first book from this author and it's perfectly written. At first, I thought not for me and it was so worth the read.
Here are a few reasons to why and how it affects how you define you.
1. Be totally in control of what you can explore and when and how you explore.
2. have the time to reflect and to digest the information before moving on.
3. Back and add in time to reflect, the insights, the thoughts and the memories of what has become.
4. Try to keep the output to yourself or share it but it's up to you which one you choose to do. The output is up to you and only you can decide.
5. Make a complete guide of who we are though some insights towards our own potential, our own purpose, and our own development growth.

This book is split into three solid parts. The three parts will be reflections, insights, and actions. This first section is called reflecting, in this section, you will be able to find out who we are, we will be going through our own story of our life as a child to where we are today as adults. We go through a lot as a child and into adulthood and we need time to reflect on many things like where we want to be in our own lives and how to see ourselves too. While as an adult we sometimes don't have time to truly have time to reflect on what makes us who we are today.
The person I am today is not the same person I was years ago. I have changed a lot during the bad times of my own life, someone once told me that the bad parts of our lives tend to make us grow up into the person we are today. I have had a lot of time to reflect on a lot of things in my life and they made me into the strong adult I am today. I have set my own values into my own son and he has grown into the adult he has.
As a person, I never thought about trying to reflect on my past as a child and even being an adult. I hate my past and I truly do not live there anymore.
Ths next part is called insights...As you have reflected onto your own story, then you will have time to get all the information from many other good sources and you will be able to start putting some good insights into parts of your past and into the future to figure out which way to go into life. Life is funny at times it can be good and it can hand you bad stuff for you to handle as a child and even as an adult. Insights are very import because in this phase we can start to get all the information and to start to gather feedback.
Actions are all it says... In this section, we will start to pull all the information that you have gotten through reflections and insights so in this section here is what we will talk about... This will allow you to capture what we all explored our own personality, our own values, and our own interests. Our own strengths and all will be defined into one place that will completely define you. It will help you to be able to clearly find your own purpose into life and that will guide everything that you can do with a greater sense of the meaning of life.

[Alison Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

Self-development was the single biggest category at the Business Book Awards this year, which reflects the popularity of the genre but also its breadth: it’s a bit of a catch-all for any book that’s focused on helping you be a better version of you.

It’s also a problematic genre. First there’s the ‘so what’ test: the unexamined life may not be worth living, as per Socrates, but too much navel-gazing can be unhelpful too. Secondly, self-development is by its nature a deeply personal thing, and it’s a challenge for an author to write a book that can support a reader through the process without feedback or interaction. And thirdly (I was going to say ‘finally’ but this is hardly an exhaustive list), there’s the issue that’s common to every business book but particularly acute in such an over-populated field: is this a worthwhile addition to the conversation? Does it give us a genuinely new perspective or set of tools?

Fiona Murden has done a superb job addressing each of these. Defining Me encourages introspection, of course – in the ‘Reflecting’ section there’s a powerful framework to look back over the defining moments in your life, especially those around the teens and early adulthood, those tumultuous years in which our values and beliefs really take shape, and understand how that story has shaped you. But there’s also an insistence on drawing out from that introspection the practical application for today: the final section is entitle ‘Doing’ which is all about how that understanding plays out in what you do today and tomorrow.

What’s distinctive about her approach is the robust psychology underlying the framework: this is based on the profiling she undertakes for the world’s most senior executives, and as she points out in her introduction, the book is an attempt to ‘democratise’ these tools and make them available for everyone, not just the C-suite, performance athletes and criminals. And she does a remarkably good job of supporting the reader in making those tools work without the professional in the room: this isn’t a book to kick back and read through on the sofa, it’s best read with an open notebook and pencil to hand. There’s also a link to an online in-depth psychometric test from Credo, a smart partnership that hugely increases the value of the book.

If you’re serious about self-development, this is an essential addition to your shelf-help.

[Grady · Rating 5 out of 5]

‘I am passionate about increasing everyone’s understanding of how their mind works’

British author Fiona Murden earned a Bask in Psychology from Warwick University, a Master of Arts in Organizational Studies from Warwick University Business School and a Master of Science in Psychology, gained with distinction, from the University of London. She lectures widely at academic and city institutions. Fiona is a leadership psychologist to many senior executives with multi-national companies and with some of the UK's most successful business leaders, policy makers, top academics and sports people. She has been a featured speaker at the Institute of Directors, Cabinet Office, Royal College of Surgeons and Lloyd's of London

In Fiona’s compassionate Introductory comments she states, ‘Have you ever wondered what it would be like to delve into your own story, to understand the twists and turns of your life in a way that makes you not only more successful but happier? It’s rare that any of us has time to truly reflect on what makes us who we are—and I don’t mean the kind of naval gazing or introspection that leaves us feeling miserable and questioning what life is all about. Rather, I’m talking about a positive, pragmatic, even self-indulgent exploration of what makes you you. It doesn’t matter how old you are, whether you are 20-something, looking at where you want your life to go, 40-something, working out how to create more meaning in the prime years of your career, or 60-something, about to retire and wanting to continue to live with a sense of purpose—all of us can gain from learning more about ourselves. This book will take you through your journey in a way that will positively propel you into the next days, weeks, years, and decades of your life with a greater sense of clarity about who you are and what you stand for, an understanding of your purpose, and the confidence to live and breathe what you have learnt.’

Fiona’s step-by-step encouraging us to open the door to who we really are includes Reflecting, Collecting, and Doing – and in this last area of discussion she offers the key to ‘Defining You’ and Optimizing You. Sound guidance to self-discovery and learning our own profile leads to a happier and more successful life. Read and grow.

[Monica Metzger · Rating 4 out of 5]

When you are uncertain during a specific time of your life, a book like this screams "salvation". I picked up this book in a quest to help myself find myself again. The book is very detailed, with heaps of exercises that build up from the bottom all the way to the top, in an attempt to help you redefine yourself, what you believe in, what are your strength and weaknesses, what you need to succeed in life, what your purpose is, and how to find the perfect spot in the world where you can truly be yourself and thrive.
The book focuses both on day-to-day life and work/career. As we all know, we spend most of our adult waking moments working, hence I appreciated how the author always reconnected everything to your professional realization, because that is the one place where you can find your meaning, where you can learn and develop, where you can energize from, where you can find meaning and feel helpful, where you can make a difference and contribute to the world. At the end of the book, it also focuses on sleep, exercise, stress, as a reminder of the body-mind connection that so many people often forget.

[Rich B · Rating 4 out of 5]

A mostly enjoyable guide to understanding yourself better and planning your future self development written from the point of view of a psychologist who consults with business leaders.

You’ll soon work this out from the number of times the author mentions it, particularly talking about CEOs, and this is one of the less enjoyable parts of reading this you have to get through.

Still, on balance, it was an interesting read, and I got some ideas and new learning from it, so that’s why it’s “mostly” enjoyable.

In fact, parts of it where the focus is on psychology, research and personal development tools are excellent. It’s clearly organised from building your personal storyline and defining your strengths, purpose, values etc. to getting feedback and the building a plan to put it into action.

There’s lots of research references, and though some of the inferences sound a little skewed towards the points the author’s trying to make, there’s mostly some pretty sound scientific evidence to back up much of the advice the book offers. However, there are definitely a few times where “cause” and “effect” seem a little blurred in the research. Plus, there’s even research behind what seem like well-accepted facts e.g. exercise is good for you, and it started to feel a little overwhelming by the end.

Back to the positives though. There’s lots of practical exercises and self-testing questionnaires to prompt your thinking and help you both reflect and plan for the future. From an overall psychology and personal development point of view, it feels stronger than some other books I’ve read in this genre.

However, the writing style and tone can be very hit and miss. In fact, parts of it irritated me. The repeated CEO mentions did give it a very corporate / business feel and seemed to suggest a very specific and narrow definition of success. Plus, at times the tone can sound a little patronising, judgmental, and middle class. If your idea of life success isn’t to be a CEO, you might find parts of this a bit grating to read.

Plus, the structure within chapters felt very repetitive so the book feels padded out at times. Long introductions telling you what the chapter’s going to tell you, then the actual interesting bit, then a summary of what the chapter’s just told you. Over and over for every chapter. Plus, a few of the chapters towards the end feel a bit obvious and superfluous with advice on using social media less, getting better sleep and more exercise. Some of this falls into the “water is wet” category which these sorts of books are prone to. By the end, I reckon about 25% of this could have been cut out and it would have been a better read.

Still, there’s lots of good stuff among the other 75% and it was useful and interesting overall. If you can grind through the padded out sections, there’s definitely some useful tools and insights to find here.

[Esi_70 · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is amazing, I've read so many books on psychology, wellbeing, personal and human development and studied counselling as well as having had it myself for long time. However, I've never come across someone or a book as this that teaches how to get to know about yourself in depth and to the core which is the first step to really improve our lives.

All the other tips, advice and supposed knowledge is nothing if you don't have the tools to put all that into practice. Here are the tools and the explanations, user friendly and simply delivered as it should have always been done.

It maybe the case that people with less knowledge and experience of human development and psychology could find this book less helpful, however, I think most human beings have an instinct that tells them what this book say. For me it's been an immeasurable treasure to use.

[Patty · Rating 4 out of 5]

Self-help books are not normally my cup of tea but I really enjoyed reading Fiona's book. Her approach is truly different than any others I have read on this topic. She helps you to get to know who YOU are as a person and what steps to take to better yourself to the person you truly want to be. There are of course some areas that will be emotional for the reader to grasp but that's the goal of the book ... to make you a better YOU! There are some great exercises in which you can develop the plan to map out your future out. Great and thought provoking! Also I loved how she included online resources to help you in your journey of self discovery!

[Johnny Wimmer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This little gem of psychological advice came to me from a Goodreads giveaway. Since profiling of all types seems to be a modern issue, I was intetested in the information. How deeply we look into our own minds, and behavior often tells us more about ourselves then meets the eye. Finding out more about ourselves is given in way of several psychological tests to prove our meddle. The book gives a description of some of the authors work profiling for major corporate players. Exposure to psycholgical testing and profiling are fully explained and good guidence is given throughout the book.

[Marissa Michael · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you’re thinking this book to be another academic book, well not entirely. The author even write this book using simple language and less psychological lingo to make it easier for lay people like you and me to understand it.

However, you cannot read this book in one sitting like reading a fiction book because this book will triggers you to think deeper.

Check my blog to read more.

[Ada · Rating 4 out of 5]

In progress review: It was interesting read so far pertinent to what I was initially searching for at this moment. What I love is how simplified the book is without coming across with jargon or overwhelming experiments etc sort of thing you might find in so many self-help books. Easy read and simple enough to understand with good inputs.

[Anna Feshchenko · Rating 5 out of 5]

The best book on personal development I have read in years. Very well written, has lots of examples on what and how to improve. Highly recommended for those seeking to become a better person, spouse, parent, employee or a leader.

[Philip Atkinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Exceptional

Good quality input and thought there may be more on identity can be influenced significantly by beliefs and values. Overall pretty good assessment of observed behaviour rather than reactive behaviour. Will read again. Well written and a good writing style.

[Jmac · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book, a great primer mixed with experience and logical thinking.
A great way to start the journey towards self-mastery.

[Sinead · Rating 5 out of 5]

Possibly the best personal development book I’ve read. Lots of exercises for self reflection and plenty of actionable advice.

[Juls Venida · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very easy to read and the sessions enjoyable to answer. Gives you a lot of insight about yourself. Really helps you learn more about who you are if you do the exercises.

[Diptii · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best book for understanding yourself no matter the age you find this book . Most recommend.