My Year of Dirt and Water: Journal of a Zen Monk's Wife in Japan

by Tracy Franz

In February 2004, when her American husband, a recently ordained Zen monk, leaves home to train for a year at a centuries-old Buddhist monastery, Tracy Franz embarks on her own year of Zen. An Alaskan alone—and lonely—in Japan, she begins to pay attention.

My Year of Dirt and Water is a record of that journey. Allowed only occasional and formal visits to see her cloistered husband, Tracy teaches English, studies Japanese, and devotes herself to making pottery. Her teacher instructs her to turn cup after cup—creating one failure after another. Past and present, East and West intertwine as Tracy is twice compelled to return home to Alaska to confront her mother’s newly diagnosed cancer and the ghosts of a devastating childhood.

Revolving through the days, My Year of Dirt and Water circles hard questions: What is love? What is art? What is practice? What do we do with the burden of suffering? The answers are formed and then unformed—a ceramic bowl born on the wheel and then returned again and again to dirt and water.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Japan, Travel, Buddhism, Asia

312 pages, Kindle Edition

Published July 10, 2018

Reviews

[K · Rating 5 out of 5]

the subtitle pretty much sums it up: a wife accompanies her husband in japan as he spends a year learning to become a buddhist monk. what a fascinating story! she teaches english at a secondary school and takes pottery lessons and visits her family in alaska. there is so much culture to unpack and Franz does a really good job setting the scene for the reader. the structure of the memoir is chronological and separated by seasons which i thought fit nicely with the theme, though i will say the extremely excessive use of dashes in place of commas makes chatgpt look well-behaved… but she has a story to tell and she tells it well! i was pleasantly surprised at how much i enjoyed the mundanity, the meditations, the descriptions the people that flit into and out of her life: it’s kept in true chaotic journal form, where one day the entry will be her crashing out over missing her husband and the next it will be a joyful meal with a friend and her cat. overall it was very reflective and a great insight on japanese life, plus we get the extra behind-the-scenes of the inner workings of a monastery?! i went in expecting the personal growth and reflections, yes, but i ended up learning so much more.

4.5/5 rounded up

[Cherise Wolas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful, soulful, and wonderfully observed.

[Gen · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. An almost too thoughtful and melancholy meditation on being a foreigner in Japan while a spouse is on a yearlong journey in Zen Buddhism.

To be frank, all I wanted was for the author to experience joy — any joy— living in Japan during this most unusual year in her life. But, it wasn’t mean to be. Thus, this memoir felt like perpetual winter to me.

[Br. Thanasi (Thomas) Stama · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very interesting journal. For me, being not part of Zen culture was very informative what she and her husband went thru for the sake of his quest to become a priest. Loved her eye into Japanese life.

[John Owen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am interested in Japanese culture and this memoir relates the author's experiences in an honest and beautifully written manner. Her husband is becoming a Buddhist monk and is spending a year mostly away from her going through the process. This is one of the best books I read this year.

[Anna · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful and deeply genuine and soulful story. What a gift to the world. Thank you.

[Molly · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book so much and I connected with it deeply. I also lived in Japan for many years and this was the very first book written by a foreigner who lived in Japan that I was actually able to connect with. So often books like this come out as too teachy/ know it all or just too unbelievable. This was perfect. I loved the tone, the way it was written, and it just felt so real. Tracy's interactions with Japanese people were so true to life and I found myself nodding along so many times. Her experiences were so similar to my own. I also connected with her family struggles as I also left home to run away in sorts, and I have a very difficult time going back. And I also understood what it was like to have a husband with an unusual goal. My husband isn't a monk, but he has chosen a path that is uncommon and has taken us in directions that a lot of people don't understand, especially my family. Oh, this book was so refreshing to read. It made me nostalgic for Japan (I lived there for 7 years and have been gone for 4). It was also a comfort to read because I felt so seen.

[Margarita · Rating 3 out of 5]

While her husband leaves home to train for a year at a centuries-old Buddhist monastery in Japan, Tracy Franz, embarks on her own year-long journey of self-discovery. Franz’ desire to address her feelings of otherness and geographical displacement resonate in this collection. The journal entries are organized by month and day. Within this overarching frame, the thematic sub-structure is a bit haphazard – thematically, it covers a wide-berth, but the multiple threads and transitions aren’t always very clear. Entries are at times observational (outwardly), at times introspective and/or feelings-oriented. While it’s a bit all-over-the-map, this is also understandable given Franz’ need to build a life for herself in the here and now, while also confronting memories from a difficult past. Letting go and building anew is tricky.

[Andy McLellan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a really lovely and beautifully written book describing the author's year in Japan while her husband was undertaking formal Zen training. However, I am sure that many people will note that her own life at that time was also a deep dive into the heart of Zen and Japan.

Woven through it is her life with the Japanese students she teachers, interactions with her pottery sensei and other potters, brief forays into Zen monasteries, and visits home to Alaska where she finds bits of Japan waiting for her there.

Although not ostensibly written as a Zen book, it really is one, and a demonstration of how Zen practice is not just in the monastery or practice centre, but through all of life, just as it is.

[Katie Driscoll · Rating 5 out of 5]

The good kind of thoughtful book

I have the pleasure of knowing Tracy and Koun, even if in a limited capacity. They are both people who I loved and admired as much as a person in their 20s who hasn’t fully formed yet can. This book was a delight to read as someone who knew where their story ended up, but I it was also just lovely to read as a reader and person with my own rattling pebbles of bad memories and fragments of self. The way this is written is poetic and flowing even while being purposefully split into bite size pieces. This will definitely become a regular on my repeat read list, for when I’m feeling a little too lost and lonely, but still trying to figure it out.

[Peter · Rating 2 out of 5]

I am interested in Japan and pottery, but after reading this book, I am decidedly not interested in Zen. After the 20th observation that “x is y, but not y, I don’t know,” I did know I wanted to call it quits. I finished it out of respect for the author’s story, the occasional interesting observations, and the hope that the author would reach some kind of conclusion other than that she was lost and confused (vain hope).

The think someone with an interest in zen would enjoy this book much more.

[Sami · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this wonderful and intimate book.
She candidly and eloquently shares her thoughts, feelings, and experiences without drama. More than successfully took me with her on a captivating and enriching journey.
DISCLAIMER: I am somewhat familiar and fascinated with Japanese culture and Zen practice, which, . I am sure, colored and influenced my opinion and enjoyment of this book. She frequently uses Zen buddhist terms without translation or an index.

[C. W. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a moving book of Tracy Franz's year spent in reflection in Kumamoto Japan while her husband trains to be a Zen Monk - already an usual occupation in modern Japan but all the more so considering he is not Japanese but American. Her writing is clear and uncluttered much as the Zen she practices with mixed results - for those of us who make our home in Japan much of what she describes rings true - a thoughtful and moving account of life - not only in Japan but of memory and hope.

[Brenda Marean · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved the spareness of Tracy Franz's description of the year in Japan she lived alone while her husband lived in a monastery becoming a Bhuddhist monk. Her lonliness, in the presence of so many solitary, serious Japanese/Buddhist practices was powerful and has left me contemplative.

[Sheila · Rating 4 out of 5]

Was only able to finish 3/4s of it because I had to return it to the library. Sometimes, diary/journal-type narratives don't always appeal to me, but I very much enjoyed Franz's literary descriptions of Japan and her insights into Buddhism.

[Ruby · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this - a meditation on a year back and forth between Japan and Alaska. The pottery does not play as big a role as the cover implies. It really captures the inherent melancholy that happens living abroad, even when you make friends and enjoy the culture.

[Annamarie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed having Tracy's experiences accompany me during our first weeks of living in Japan.

[bookinglibrarian · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting account of expat life in Japan from a unique perspective, but it needed some editing.

[Kat · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very plodding.

[Richard Sanders · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a beautiful, simple diary. I would recommend to everyone. The wonder, contradictions and interconnectedness of all things.
Gassho 🙏 🙏 🙏

[Lynn Somerstein · Rating 5 out of 5]

Breath

Breathing in, breathing out, the breath animates this day to day memoir of feeling love and liberation. A moving meditation.

[Christine · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5

[Alyson Indrunas · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not sure I’m the right audience for this, but I do appreciate the hard work of writing a story arc for every day in a year.

[Debra Moniz · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was worried it would be too hippie dippie for my taste, but not at all. Quite interesting

[Sebastian H · Rating 5 out of 5]

This one reads like a collection of vignettes for a year in waiting ('waiting for what?' being the question that eventually arrives and departs, within the author and the text itself).

It serves as an intimate look of the author's thoughts, the wife of a monk-in-training away for a year. Into her daily routines as a foreigner in Japan, and into some very specific aspects of Japan itself. At times nostalgic and profound, to-the-point and meandering, banal and zen.

It has had a strange effect in this reader, as well. I'm not sure how long will it last, or if it will last at all after struggling to put this sentiment into words. But it is there, a feeling of calm, of acceptance, of renewed value for family and loved ones. Of nostalgia for times that have already come and go, for a future yet to be, and for a present ever here.

ichi-go
ichi-e
ichi-go
ichi-e

You can never go back. And that's not so bad, after all. It is also not very good.
It just is.

[Sara · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book had identity issues. It's obvious that it isn't a true memoir, but rather pieced together post experience. It couldn't decide if it was about Zen, the author's personal issues, or something else entirely. There were moments of poetic writing, but mostly the reader gets the feeling that the author needed to be treated for depression. It is interesting to read about the experience of her husband, but that's his story and her experience--other than her depression and pottery as a metaphor for that--didn't excite. I think she should have stuck to writing her own experience and not tried to do his. That said, it's interesting to read about that part of Japan. I would have liked to know more about HER daily life.

[Justin · Rating 5 out of 5]

water is great

[Jack O'Rourke · Rating 4 out of 5]

The idea of a young American couple going off to live in Japan for a year while the man enters a Zen monastery to study to become a monk, and the woman will live separately, immersing herself in the culture, seemed an interesting setup. The plot was simple enough, and the tension lay in whether two young people who barely knew each other were going to make it through the culture shock and the loneliness of separate lives there for one year. The narrator is the woman, Tracy, and she tells of living in a apartment in a small town while carrying on her disciplined and busy schedule. Her main activities consist of early morning zenzan meditation sessions with a few acquaintances in a rented room, daily workshops learning pottery making, and teaching English in a local college. The narration is good at developing character in each of Tracy's women friends and students, and in giving details of Japanese culture. Tracy makes as many weekend trips as are permitted to the temple where her husband studies, though she is barely tolerated by the abbess in the beginning. We get a glimpse of life at the temple for her partner during her occasional weekend visits there. Tracy grew up in Alaska, and she makes a hurried trip back there when her mother takes ill, and meets a friendly Japanese zen monk in charge of the temple. Since he is close to retirement he raises the possibility of Tracy's partner taking over the temple when he becomes a monk. She doesn't seem too keen about it, but it is a possibility. Enjoy this pleasant, uncomplicated read.