Before and After Loss: A Neurologist's Perspective on Loss, Grief, and Our Brain

by Lisa M. Shulman

In Before and After Loss, Dr. Lisa M. Shulman, a neurologist, describes a personal story of loss and her journey to understand the science behind the mind-altering experience of grief. Part memoir, part creative nonfiction, part account of scientific discovery, this moving book combines Shulman's perspectives as an expert in brain science and a keen observer of behavior with her experience as a clinician, a caregiver, and a widow.

Shedding light on the disconnect between conventional wisdom about loss and emerging knowledge on the neuroscience of emotional trauma as the cause of brain injury, Shulman explores not only the experience but also the science and psychology of loss. Drawing on the latest studies about grief and its effects, she explains what scientists know about how the mind, brain, and body respond and heal following traumatic loss. She also traces the interface between the experience of profound loss and the search for emotional restoration.

Throughout the book, Dr. Shulman describes effective therapies, both traditional and nontraditional, that promote healing and confidence in managing loss, including dream interpretation, journaling, mindfulness exercises, and meditation. Combining the science of emotional trauma with concrete psychological techniques, Shulman's frank and empathetic account will help readers regain their emotional balance by navigating the passage from profound sorrow to healing and growth.

Genres: Grief, Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Audiobook, Health, Science

184 pages, Paperback

Published December 14, 2018

Reviews

[Barrie Power · Rating 2 out of 5]

I loved the first chapter where she talks about her husband, his illness and his death. This was all deeply moving and articulate and would resonate with any widow/er. However, the grief section does not cite the real experts; Dr Neimeyer, Meaning reconstruction & Drs Klass, Silverman & Nickman Continuing Bonds, for an ‘academic’ that’s shocking. I couldn’t figure out who her audience is; there are better books in first person narrative and better books on grief theory (try: Grief Demystified) and therapists would need specific training (try: Gift of Tears). Her use of the word ‘trauma’ all the way through was also distracting when not all grief is traumatic. I found it confusing and her grief section very muddled with references to the outdated notion of ‘grief work’ - Lindemann, 1944. And no mention of Experts Parkes or Stroebe & Schut. I really wanted to like this book and learn something about neuroscience but I just found it lacking in research integrity and contemporary models which is such a shame.

[denudatio_pulpae · Rating 3 out of 5]

„Przez wiele lat uczyłam się, jak radzić sobie z przewlekłą chorobą i do niej się dostosowywać. Dezorientacja wynikająca z żałoby jest sama w sobie stanem chronicznym, odmiennym, w którym nasze mózgi próbują odnaleźć porządek w kłębowisku obcych wydarzeń.
Ale wiedza o radzeniu sobie życiem nie przygotowała nas do radzenia sobie ze śmiercią. Byłam źle przygotowana na to, co miało nadejść”.

William Weiner i jego żona Lisa Shulman byli parą neurologów. W 2011 roku u Weinera zdiagnozowano raka, szpiczaka mnogiego. Zmarł siedemnaście miesięcy później. Książka „Mózg w żałobie” to nie tylko osobiste przemyślenia Lisy przed i po śmierci męża, ale również próba medycznego wyjaśnienia mechanizmów żałoby.

Dla mnie zarówno podejście osobiste jak i medyczne było bardzo ważne. Uspokajająco działały na mnie informacje dotyczące „technicznych” aspektów przeżywania żałoby, jej neurologiczne podstawy i funkcje (to, że żałoba może mieć jakieś ważne funkcje, na początku wydawało mi się szaleństwem). Łatwiej mi jest teraz akceptować fakt, że wszystkie emocje są nam w życiu potrzebne, nie tylko te pozytywne.

Zgadzam się również ze stwierdzeniem, że Lisa nie była dobrze przygotowana na to, co miało nadejść. Moje pierwsze myśli po potwierdzonej diagnozie były takie same. Chyba nikt nie jest na to przygotowany.

„Początek i koniec życia są naturalne, organiczne. A jednak śmierć i żałoba znajdują się poza głównym nurtem, kierują się w stronę dwuznaczności i tajemnicy”.

Kiedy po raz pierwszy musimy się mierzyć z odejściem bliskiej osoby, możemy odnieść wrażenie, że zostajemy dopuszczeni do pewnej tajemnicy. Bardzo bolesnej tajemnicy. Przynajmniej ja tak to odbieram, jako swoisty rytuał „przejścia”. Teraz już wiem, jak to jest. I dzięki takim książkom wiem również, że gdzieś tam w oddali może czekać akceptacja i ukojenie bólu. Jest to dość odległa wizja, ale jednak daje chociaż odrobinę nadziei.
6/10

[Margo Sinks · Rating 1 out of 5]

I did not finish this. I thought, from its description, that this would be a science based book, not emotional.

[Hannah · Rating 3 out of 5]

S1V1L1

[Aaron · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was the most emotional most amazing read. I had the audio version, and the narrater was amazing. I did not lose a spouse, but I have had a recent loss. She described everything I felt inside. I would recomend this book to anyone who is stuck in grief for a very long period, but has no access to therapy. This might even encourage you to go.
I thank her. For sharing so much of herself.

[Monika · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pierwsza połowa dużo lepsza niż druga, ciekawe podejście do tematu żałoby od strony nie tylko osoby, która kogoś straciła ale tez od tej strony naszego mózgu i tego co się dzieje z naszą psychiką. Nie do końca przemówiła do mnie forma i podziała na cześć prywatną i naukową. Chyba lepiej by to zagrało gdyby te dwie sfery się przenikały a nie były po prostu oddzielone grubą krechą.

[Jess Long · Rating 4 out of 5]

Listened to audiobook for work education. It’s a very heart breaking story about life lost too early. It helps give a perspective of what it’s like to receive terminal diagnoses and goes in depth into what happens to the brain during grief. Very interesting but the narrator... not a fan.

[Ally · Rating 5 out of 5]

Part memoir, part science, this was an excellent book on grief and the recovery after loss. I probably will buy a paper copy and annotate it, but for the audiobook version this was a great start. I learned a lot about myself and my grief as a result of this.

[Teresa Lindsey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Having lost my husband of 43 years to cancer in May 2022, I was able to relate to Dr. Shulman’s story of the loss of her husband. I found the book interesting and learned things I hadn’t come across in any of the many grief/loss books I’ve read.

[Elbrozzie]

Excellent, humane. Combo memoir as well as a guide to, not healing, but restoration after significant loss.

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

The story of a neurologist and her grief after the loss of her husband. She offers personal, practical, and medical insight into the grief experience.

[Meredith · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quite a useful book. It was a helpful blend of comforting, challenging, and informative.

[Pedro Dominguez · Rating 4 out of 5]

A book about grief was definitely not on my reading list, but it has helped me understand how the brain processes grief, and it’s ok not to feel ok. The brain is injured via emotional trauma and needs to heal, just like a wound on our body, the process is different for everyone.The regions of the brain impacted when grieving are many, but in general our prefrontal cortex (personality, decision making), limbic system(emotions, fear) are highly impacted. Personally, therapy and journaling have helped me, I’m still a work in progress. Truth is we will all lose someone we love, no one has a crystal ball to know when it is, it sucks, it really sucks.

Here are a few quotes that were meaningful to me, “…grief is a manifestation of neurologic trauma, and is evidence of injury to brain regions that regulate emotions. Grieving is a healthy, protective process. It’s an evolutionary adaptation to promote survival in the face of emotional trauma, one where the injury goes undetected since daily function is preserved “

Losing a loved one, is extremely painful, the we understand ourselves, the better we can cope. I’m much more empathetic and less hard on myself

I will always miss you papa, I won’t move on from you, I’ll learn to move forward

[Ariane · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the best books that I’ve read to blend personal experience with the science of grief and loss. I liked how the author gave reflection exercises at the end of each chapter. The book provided tangible things to do to face or distract from grief (and explains why the balance of both of these is important). I appreciate how she provided specifics on her own path, so I could more easily see how to apply it for myself. A little over a year out from my loss was the right time for me to process some of the science. I don’t know that I could have connected with those details early in my grief. I also give credibility that the author has had her own very personal loss and could very much relate to her experience in grief.

[Angela Q · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this after losing my mom, who lived with me for 11 of the 12 years preceding her death (4 1/2 months ago). I appreciated the personal/emotional combined with scientific aspects of the author’s perspective. Her stories, discussions, and advice are practical and helpful.
I am not a neurologist, but I have been a nurse for 30 years. The medical knowledge and experience does little to prepare us for the actual life event of loss and the grieving process that follows. I lost my dad 15 years ago, and my mom 4 months ago; Each experience has been grueling, emotionally, and incomparable to each other.

[Jackie · Rating 4 out of 5]

After losing my Mom recently, I really felt the need to read a book on grief and loss. In, this book, neurologist, Lisa Shulman describes a personal story of loss and her journey to understand the science behind grief. Lisa loses her husband, Bill to cancer. She discusses how the impacts day to day living, the brain science behind loss and emotional trauma, and some great strategies that can help with loss. She talks about doing journaling, meditation, mindfulness, exercise, going out in nature, and going to counseling to help deal with it. I personally found this book to be very helpful. It is a brave and worthwhile read for anyone experiencing a loss of a loved one.

[nysanarysa · Rating 1 out of 5]

1.5 ⭐️Rozczarowanie, bardzo chaotyczna książka, nie wiem do końca co autorka chciala przekazac, przypuszczam że to miało być jakieś zebranie odczuć i przeżycia żałoby przez autorkę, a reklamowane to było jakby to było coś więcej. Nie było, nie polecam poza może pierwszą częścią, gdzie wspomnienia były bardziej osobiste i było to ciekawsze. Druga część się nie broni

[Melber · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found myself doing the same things Shulman did after losing her husband. A great book offering insight into both the emotional and neurological processes that can occur during grief. Prompts for journal writing at the end of chapters also provide ideas for reflection and thought.

[Julia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book & the journal prompts suggested. I found the chapter on dreams and nightmares really interesting too

[Elena · Rating 4 out of 5]

Insightful read. Especially during this time of my life.

[Robin Berry · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some parts of this were very helpful to someone in grief, and the science of it was interesting. There were sections that were less helpful and less interesting.

[D. Landers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good book.

[J · Rating 2 out of 5]

Very disappointing

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

To nie było złe, po prostu nie dla mnie i nie w tym momencie życia

[Mary Anne · Rating 2 out of 5]

BF575.G7 S48 2018