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The Middle Of Everywhere: Helping Refugees Enter the American Community – Personal Stories of Hope, Endurance, and the Power of Family
The New York Times 's best-selling author of Reviving Ophelia, Mary Pipher connects us with our greater family––the human family.
Over the past decade, Mary Pipher has been a great source of wisdom, helping us to better understand our family members. Now she connects us with the newest members of the American family––refugees.
In cities all over the country, refugees arrive daily. Lost Boys from Sudan, survivors from Kosovo, families fleeing Afghanistan and Vietnam: they come with nothing but the hope and desire to experience the American dream. Their endurance in the face of tragedy and their ability to hold on to the virtues of family, love, and joy are a lesson for all Americans.
Their stories will make you laugh and weep, and give you a deeper understanding of the wider world in which we live. The Middle of Everywhere moves beyond the headlines into the homes of refugees from around the world. Working as a cultural broker, teacher, and therapist, Mary Pipher has once again opened our eyes––and our hearts––to those with whom we share the future.
Over the past decade, Mary Pipher has been a great source of wisdom, helping us to better understand our family members. Now she connects us with the newest members of the American family––refugees.
In cities all over the country, refugees arrive daily. Lost Boys from Sudan, survivors from Kosovo, families fleeing Afghanistan and Vietnam: they come with nothing but the hope and desire to experience the American dream. Their endurance in the face of tragedy and their ability to hold on to the virtues of family, love, and joy are a lesson for all Americans.
Their stories will make you laugh and weep, and give you a deeper understanding of the wider world in which we live. The Middle of Everywhere moves beyond the headlines into the homes of refugees from around the world. Working as a cultural broker, teacher, and therapist, Mary Pipher has once again opened our eyes––and our hearts––to those with whom we share the future.
416 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2002
62 people are currently reading
1159 people want to read
About the author
Mary Pipher
21 books336 followersMary Elizabeth Pipher, also known as Mary Bray Pipher, is an American clinical psychologist and author, most recently of Women Rowing North, a book on aging gracefully. Prior to that, she wrote The Green Boat, which was published by Riverhead Books in June 2013.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 145 reviews
August 21, 2011
I spent part of my summer teaching English to Burmese refugees at a local robot-uniform factor (yes, I did say “robot-uniform”! Who knew the intense need for such textiles?!?) They were a delightful bunch, and I loved every minute I spent with them – gleaning from their perseverance while imagining the sorrows they carry. This experience spurred me to read Mary Pipher’s book The Middle of Everywhere: Helping refugees enter the American community.
What I most loved about this book was Pipher’s premise for writing it. She lives in Lincoln, Nebraska, where immigration is a fairly new thing, and the city is still adjusting to its newly acquired diversity, or what she deems “cultural collision on the great plains”. She speaks of how identity can occur only in context, and suggests that as our world globalizes, we will all have identity issues like many of the displaced refugees with whom she has worked.
“Who are we when we don’t have a hometown when we don’t know our neighbors or our kin? Who are we when we don’t know the history of our land or the names of common plants or birds in our area? Or when our stories come from television sets instead of grandparents or village storytellers? Who are we in a world where the universal language is, to quote Pico Iyer, ‘french fries’?
“We think the world apart,” said Parker Palmer. “What would it be like to think the world together?”
It is with this foundation that she embarks upon the stories of the many refugee families with whom she has been friends. She writes especially about refugee stories of young people as well as looks at how generational differences affect families in cultural transition. Their stories are poignant, realistic, and raw. Pipher is skilled at giving refugees human faces – turning stigma into stories and facts into faces. She points to the need for ‘cultural brokers’ who will serve as refugees guides in a system that may be apt to exploit them because of their vulnerability.
I’d highly recommend The Middle of Everywhere for anyone living near refugee communities who wants a deeper understanding of their new neighbors.
What I most loved about this book was Pipher’s premise for writing it. She lives in Lincoln, Nebraska, where immigration is a fairly new thing, and the city is still adjusting to its newly acquired diversity, or what she deems “cultural collision on the great plains”. She speaks of how identity can occur only in context, and suggests that as our world globalizes, we will all have identity issues like many of the displaced refugees with whom she has worked.
“Who are we when we don’t have a hometown when we don’t know our neighbors or our kin? Who are we when we don’t know the history of our land or the names of common plants or birds in our area? Or when our stories come from television sets instead of grandparents or village storytellers? Who are we in a world where the universal language is, to quote Pico Iyer, ‘french fries’?
“We think the world apart,” said Parker Palmer. “What would it be like to think the world together?”
It is with this foundation that she embarks upon the stories of the many refugee families with whom she has been friends. She writes especially about refugee stories of young people as well as looks at how generational differences affect families in cultural transition. Their stories are poignant, realistic, and raw. Pipher is skilled at giving refugees human faces – turning stigma into stories and facts into faces. She points to the need for ‘cultural brokers’ who will serve as refugees guides in a system that may be apt to exploit them because of their vulnerability.
I’d highly recommend The Middle of Everywhere for anyone living near refugee communities who wants a deeper understanding of their new neighbors.
April 15, 2008
I had a love/hate relationship with this book. The author, who is a psychologist, claims she is giving everyday people practical advice about working with refugees, and she tells a lot of personal stories about the people that she has worked with, some of which are really beautiful stories. But she doesn't really offer much practical information about global migration and refugee resettlement as a larger issue/system, which to me trivializes her personal stories because I think the larger picture is really important for someone who is new to working with refugees to start to understand. I enjoyed the book more when she was talking about concepts about home and identity than when she was fretting about why her Sudanese friends weren't telling her all about their problems and asking her for help. Maybe because I work with refugee populations at an agency, I feel conflicted about that kind of need to be needed and so was distracted by it.
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April 14, 2024Many residents of Lincoln, Nebraska may not be aware of the ethnic, linguistic, and cultural diversity within our small city's borders. In a town of under a quarter million people, we have immigrants and refugees who speak over 50 different languages. This book, written by an acclaimed psychologist/author (and Lincolnite), sheds a light on the experiences and often-traumatic back stories of our city's many residents who came here to seek safety from oppression, violence, and fear of death.
Ms. Pipher uses many anecdotes to illustrate the struggles that refugees have to acculturate and thrive in our society. Some refugees thrive, while others adopt the worst aspects of our culture (such as indebtedness and addiction). As a psychologist, Pipher outlines the resiliency traits needed to successfully thrive and acculturate as an immigrant.
Every citizen of Lincoln, Nebraska should read this book. So should every teacher, counselor, doctor, and nurse who works with people from cultures outside the United States.
The book is solidly researched, but not overloaded with statistics. It is all anecdotal, so you end up focusing on the people. Which is the point.
Ms. Pipher uses many anecdotes to illustrate the struggles that refugees have to acculturate and thrive in our society. Some refugees thrive, while others adopt the worst aspects of our culture (such as indebtedness and addiction). As a psychologist, Pipher outlines the resiliency traits needed to successfully thrive and acculturate as an immigrant.
Every citizen of Lincoln, Nebraska should read this book. So should every teacher, counselor, doctor, and nurse who works with people from cultures outside the United States.
The book is solidly researched, but not overloaded with statistics. It is all anecdotal, so you end up focusing on the people. Which is the point.
July 11, 2014
There were a lot of good stories, but I started to lose a little interest halfway through because there were almost too many stories. Many of the stories of refugees were extremely similar and everything became very repetetive. Also, I wish I had a nickel for every time the author said something like, "While they were in war, I was drinking coffee" or "While they were being tortured, I was planting a garden". Those aren't real quotes, but you get the point.
Overall, as a resident of Lincoln, NE, I found it interesting, but a little too long. She could have accomplished the same goal with half of the pages.
Overall, as a resident of Lincoln, NE, I found it interesting, but a little too long. She could have accomplished the same goal with half of the pages.
February 26, 2020
Wow, great book! Everyone needs to read this book, especially if you come across individuals with different ethnic backgrounds/cultures. Mary writes the pros and cons of what America has to offer and currently offers to newcomers; it truly is eye opening and it has broaden my understanding of refugees and those who’s English might be a new language. She focuses on the good that people from other countries offer and how we might become better when we have the mentality of allowing others to enter America as we might learn a lot from them. She’s great, and a fantastic read.
October 3, 2009
I work with refugees every day and my eyes and heart have been opened in so many ways and I was interested in the bigger picture of their experience in America as a whole. This book is written by a psychologist in a small town in Nebraska who becomes active in helping the global refugees and also befriends and cares for them deeply and personally. Their stories are heartbreaking and hopeful; and the author’s evaluations have given me insight into my own patients and their experiences in a broader and expanding way. Even if I did not work with refugees, this book is powerfully uplifting and worthwhile on its own. You get to step outside our culture and country for a little while and see how we appear to others; and you get to see the best and worst of it and how hard it is to live here and learn our ways and our very difficult language. Working with refugees, I have been in awe of the spiritual aspect of it, how I am connected to the entire planet as I do my daily work and I am enriched by that, but also by the trust and hope they offer to me and I hope I can give back. I have always loved languages and am in heaven listening to the Nepali, Amharic (Ethiopian), Arabic, Swahili, and Burmese languages that fly around me all day. I am also the daughter of a WWII refugee/immigrant to this country, so I am honored to be able to provide care for these displaced people.
The author and I were the same in not being well educated on the plights of the countries our refugees come from, and I even belong to Human Rights Watch and do some email activist work for Amnesty International; but for example I did not know Nepal was in a civil war until 2006 and that 106,000 ethnic Nepalese who were born in Bhutan (one of our refugee groups) have been living in refugee camps for 16 years due to ethnic cleansing in Bhutan. I admit I am overwhelmed by the HRW web site and can’t process all the injustice of the world; but my global perspective is so much stronger and aware now. I am trying to be more observant of my patient’s subtle non verbal cues; for example, I generally don’t shake hands if they are not offered especially with Muslim men. This book talked a lot about the cultural orientation they offer the refugees that covers everything from when Americans toilet train their kids to how to avoid debt from the endless credit card offers. I need a cultural orientation on my patients! Instead I am picking things up slowly and asking questions where there is time. I loved something one of my students observed: when I shook the hand of a Moroccan man, he touched his chest afterwards and that gesture means he is honored in his heart. We should all do that from now on!
So the book is a fantastic way to understand the lives of the refugees. The struggle of all of them to become Americans while keeping some of their own culture alive is demonstrated in children and adults and gave me insight into how our culture appears if you watch TV and I was so happy the author spent a lot of time demonstrating all the activities and parts of America that are not on TV, which they spend so much time with trying to learn English. The author experiences the difficulties of trying to wade through the miles of “bureaucrazy” that surround every part of a refugee’s life; how people try to take advantage of them; how they make mistakes and mistakes. She also shows the absolute kindness and giving of her neighbors and members of the community. In all, it is an amazing and powerful portrait of humanity on all sides. I know some bitter and angry people who have never had to experience a moment of loss that these refugees have, loss of a home, loss of their country, loss of loved ones, loss of their dignity, and still the refugees who are resilient are able to smile and find joy and be positive. How inspirational and reminds me to think before I complain about nearly anything.
As a therapist she was able to recognize and accept that the refugees who had been through the greatest trauma did not want traditional therapy and needed other things, for her to be a cultural broker for example, and lead them through buying a car or applying for college. She talks about how other cultures suppress their trauma and channel it elsewhere and rarely benefit from talking about it; and in general how many ways there are to recover from it, community being an essential part of recovery. She also talks about how much she learned from the refugees about culture and identity and survival.
Carlos Fuentes: “Recognize yourself in he and she who are not like you and me.”
“When Europeans arrived on this continent, they blew it with the Native Americans. They plowed over them, taking as much as they could of their land and valuables, and respecting almost nothing about the native cultures. They lost the wisdom of the indigenous peoples-wisdom about the land and connectedness to the great web of life…We have another chance with all these refugees. People come here penniless but not cultureless. They bring us gifts. We can synthesize the best of our traditions with the best of theirs. We can teach and learn from each other to produce a better America…” Mary Pipher
The author and I were the same in not being well educated on the plights of the countries our refugees come from, and I even belong to Human Rights Watch and do some email activist work for Amnesty International; but for example I did not know Nepal was in a civil war until 2006 and that 106,000 ethnic Nepalese who were born in Bhutan (one of our refugee groups) have been living in refugee camps for 16 years due to ethnic cleansing in Bhutan. I admit I am overwhelmed by the HRW web site and can’t process all the injustice of the world; but my global perspective is so much stronger and aware now. I am trying to be more observant of my patient’s subtle non verbal cues; for example, I generally don’t shake hands if they are not offered especially with Muslim men. This book talked a lot about the cultural orientation they offer the refugees that covers everything from when Americans toilet train their kids to how to avoid debt from the endless credit card offers. I need a cultural orientation on my patients! Instead I am picking things up slowly and asking questions where there is time. I loved something one of my students observed: when I shook the hand of a Moroccan man, he touched his chest afterwards and that gesture means he is honored in his heart. We should all do that from now on!
So the book is a fantastic way to understand the lives of the refugees. The struggle of all of them to become Americans while keeping some of their own culture alive is demonstrated in children and adults and gave me insight into how our culture appears if you watch TV and I was so happy the author spent a lot of time demonstrating all the activities and parts of America that are not on TV, which they spend so much time with trying to learn English. The author experiences the difficulties of trying to wade through the miles of “bureaucrazy” that surround every part of a refugee’s life; how people try to take advantage of them; how they make mistakes and mistakes. She also shows the absolute kindness and giving of her neighbors and members of the community. In all, it is an amazing and powerful portrait of humanity on all sides. I know some bitter and angry people who have never had to experience a moment of loss that these refugees have, loss of a home, loss of their country, loss of loved ones, loss of their dignity, and still the refugees who are resilient are able to smile and find joy and be positive. How inspirational and reminds me to think before I complain about nearly anything.
As a therapist she was able to recognize and accept that the refugees who had been through the greatest trauma did not want traditional therapy and needed other things, for her to be a cultural broker for example, and lead them through buying a car or applying for college. She talks about how other cultures suppress their trauma and channel it elsewhere and rarely benefit from talking about it; and in general how many ways there are to recover from it, community being an essential part of recovery. She also talks about how much she learned from the refugees about culture and identity and survival.
Carlos Fuentes: “Recognize yourself in he and she who are not like you and me.”
“When Europeans arrived on this continent, they blew it with the Native Americans. They plowed over them, taking as much as they could of their land and valuables, and respecting almost nothing about the native cultures. They lost the wisdom of the indigenous peoples-wisdom about the land and connectedness to the great web of life…We have another chance with all these refugees. People come here penniless but not cultureless. They bring us gifts. We can synthesize the best of our traditions with the best of theirs. We can teach and learn from each other to produce a better America…” Mary Pipher
November 25, 2016
Thinking of this book again in light of 2016 election. A great read if you want to learn more about the work of assisting refugees in the U.S. Some notes from when I led a book discussion with this book:
• How does globalization, homogenization, effect our communities and our identities? “The local is no longer protected. The unique is vanishing.” (11)
• Thomas Friedman: “There are two ways to make a person homeless—destroy his home or make his home look like everyone else’s.” (11)
• “…I have learned more than a traveler. I have asked questions about family life, cultural collisions, dreams, and value systems.” (11)
• “I have seen the full scope of what human beings do to and for each other” (14)
• What cultures, communities, groups do you belong to? (15) “connected critic”
• “Writing about people from other cultures is fraught with social peril. Sentimentalism or romanticizing can be insidious forms of dehumanization. Generalizations about ethnic groups can easily become stereotypes. It’s hard to master even the rudiments of knowledge about the fifty different cultures in our community.” (17)
• Refugees—shortcoming of government’s definition (19)
• “Refugees reveal the strengths and flaws of America” (20)
• “cultural bereavement” (72)
• Time—the American cultural definition, how it drives and controls us (74)
• *Attributes for Success (69-70)
• “The observe a monoculture with only three elements—sex, violence, and consumption” (86)
• “Communities are nuanced cultures” (95)—learning to navigate those nuances is the challenge
• Morality/education—stories about being good, kind, etc. (115)
• “’Many of these kids come from war zones where violence is the first thing people do when they are upset. I want them to learn they have choices.’” (130)
• small acts can have great power (133)
• “I thought how rarely Trinh saw a face like hers on TV, how rarely the hero of any story was a ten-year-old Vietnamese girl.” (148)—on watching “The Lotus Seed”—lotus seed which can withstand cold and heat a good symbol for what these children have endured
• “Our concept of adolescence is discordant with the values of many cultures”—individualism vs. family responsibility (166)
• reading—“acting white” (171)
• Jesse Jackson—“illusion of inclusion” (172)
• ‘Thanks to globalization we can now talk on cell phones to people who are starving to death.’…(178) Velida & Tharaya
• 3 Iraqi men, in Saudi camps for years, betrayal of the U.S. government’s promises (210-11)
• cultures have “mirror-image beliefs” about each other: “Americans often see Muslim men as disrespectful of women, and Muslims see American men as disrespectful.” (213)
• lost so much, but hold onto humanity (215)
• Family adjusting together, deciding what to take and leave in American culture (229-30)
• Ahmad and Leda—in Iraq, marriage is the shirt you wear for the rest of your life (233)
• So sick we make these refugees pay their plane fare back to government (266)
• Saroyan quote (275)
• Suffering and systems of healing universal (276)
• Mentors in thrive project—less professional, compartmental (277)
• Attributes of resilience:
1. Future Orientation
2. Energy and Good Health
3. The ability to Pay Attention
4. Ambition and Initiative
5. Verbal Expressiveness
6. Positive Mental Health
7. The Ability to Calm Down
8. Flexibility
9. Intentionality, or Being Thoughtful about Choices
10. Lovability
11. The Ability to Love New People
12. Good Moral Character
• “Happiness and misery depend as much on temperament as fortune”—La Rochefoucauld (288)
• Through suffering we learn the importance of kindness (302)
• Einstein—“everything has changed except our thinking” (305)
• “We are not living in a global village; rather we’re quartered in a chain hotel in a global strip mall” (307)
• “both/and identity” (307)—cultural switching, multiple identities
• identity (319)
• Aristotle: “We are what we do repeatedly do. Excellence is not an act but a habit.” (320)
• Kindness: “My religion is kindness”—Dalai Lama; “My country is the world and my religion is to do good.”—Thomas Paine
• Refugees experience will soon be our own (320)—dislocation, cultural bereavement, confusion and constant change
• Racism: “all that produces an advantage or privilege through devaluation of the other” (330)
• Memmi: Four elements of racism: “an insistence on difference, a negative valuation of difference, the generalization of that difference to an entire group, and finally the use of that difference to justify hostility and aggression” (330)
• “We do not see things as they are; we see things as we are” (332)
• “Human rights should be universal. Cultural traditions are not set in stone” (338)
• “I have worked to decolonialize my mind and examine my ethnocentric assumptions” (340)
• “yuppie angst” (344)
• Leonard Peltier: “You reach across the world of otherness to one, and you touch your own soul” (345)
• Complex patriot (345)
• How does globalization, homogenization, effect our communities and our identities? “The local is no longer protected. The unique is vanishing.” (11)
• Thomas Friedman: “There are two ways to make a person homeless—destroy his home or make his home look like everyone else’s.” (11)
• “…I have learned more than a traveler. I have asked questions about family life, cultural collisions, dreams, and value systems.” (11)
• “I have seen the full scope of what human beings do to and for each other” (14)
• What cultures, communities, groups do you belong to? (15) “connected critic”
• “Writing about people from other cultures is fraught with social peril. Sentimentalism or romanticizing can be insidious forms of dehumanization. Generalizations about ethnic groups can easily become stereotypes. It’s hard to master even the rudiments of knowledge about the fifty different cultures in our community.” (17)
• Refugees—shortcoming of government’s definition (19)
• “Refugees reveal the strengths and flaws of America” (20)
• “cultural bereavement” (72)
• Time—the American cultural definition, how it drives and controls us (74)
• *Attributes for Success (69-70)
• “The observe a monoculture with only three elements—sex, violence, and consumption” (86)
• “Communities are nuanced cultures” (95)—learning to navigate those nuances is the challenge
• Morality/education—stories about being good, kind, etc. (115)
• “’Many of these kids come from war zones where violence is the first thing people do when they are upset. I want them to learn they have choices.’” (130)
• small acts can have great power (133)
• “I thought how rarely Trinh saw a face like hers on TV, how rarely the hero of any story was a ten-year-old Vietnamese girl.” (148)—on watching “The Lotus Seed”—lotus seed which can withstand cold and heat a good symbol for what these children have endured
• “Our concept of adolescence is discordant with the values of many cultures”—individualism vs. family responsibility (166)
• reading—“acting white” (171)
• Jesse Jackson—“illusion of inclusion” (172)
• ‘Thanks to globalization we can now talk on cell phones to people who are starving to death.’…(178) Velida & Tharaya
• 3 Iraqi men, in Saudi camps for years, betrayal of the U.S. government’s promises (210-11)
• cultures have “mirror-image beliefs” about each other: “Americans often see Muslim men as disrespectful of women, and Muslims see American men as disrespectful.” (213)
• lost so much, but hold onto humanity (215)
• Family adjusting together, deciding what to take and leave in American culture (229-30)
• Ahmad and Leda—in Iraq, marriage is the shirt you wear for the rest of your life (233)
• So sick we make these refugees pay their plane fare back to government (266)
• Saroyan quote (275)
• Suffering and systems of healing universal (276)
• Mentors in thrive project—less professional, compartmental (277)
• Attributes of resilience:
1. Future Orientation
2. Energy and Good Health
3. The ability to Pay Attention
4. Ambition and Initiative
5. Verbal Expressiveness
6. Positive Mental Health
7. The Ability to Calm Down
8. Flexibility
9. Intentionality, or Being Thoughtful about Choices
10. Lovability
11. The Ability to Love New People
12. Good Moral Character
• “Happiness and misery depend as much on temperament as fortune”—La Rochefoucauld (288)
• Through suffering we learn the importance of kindness (302)
• Einstein—“everything has changed except our thinking” (305)
• “We are not living in a global village; rather we’re quartered in a chain hotel in a global strip mall” (307)
• “both/and identity” (307)—cultural switching, multiple identities
• identity (319)
• Aristotle: “We are what we do repeatedly do. Excellence is not an act but a habit.” (320)
• Kindness: “My religion is kindness”—Dalai Lama; “My country is the world and my religion is to do good.”—Thomas Paine
• Refugees experience will soon be our own (320)—dislocation, cultural bereavement, confusion and constant change
• Racism: “all that produces an advantage or privilege through devaluation of the other” (330)
• Memmi: Four elements of racism: “an insistence on difference, a negative valuation of difference, the generalization of that difference to an entire group, and finally the use of that difference to justify hostility and aggression” (330)
• “We do not see things as they are; we see things as we are” (332)
• “Human rights should be universal. Cultural traditions are not set in stone” (338)
• “I have worked to decolonialize my mind and examine my ethnocentric assumptions” (340)
• “yuppie angst” (344)
• Leonard Peltier: “You reach across the world of otherness to one, and you touch your own soul” (345)
• Complex patriot (345)
June 29, 2018
A book by a local author:
This is a book of stories. Stories of real people -- children, adults, parents, students, co-workers, and so on. There are moments when Pipher gives good advice on how best to be a cultural broker for someone new to America, but mostly this book is to put a name, face, and story behind the newest members of our communities. This book was originally published right after 9/11, yet many of her stories come from years before that. Yet, the content and stories are still relevant and this is a great read, from mid-westerner to mid-westerner, as we are in even more tumultuous times regarding how we care for those just coming to our country. Thanks Mary, for living like people matter and sharing their stories with us.
This is a book of stories. Stories of real people -- children, adults, parents, students, co-workers, and so on. There are moments when Pipher gives good advice on how best to be a cultural broker for someone new to America, but mostly this book is to put a name, face, and story behind the newest members of our communities. This book was originally published right after 9/11, yet many of her stories come from years before that. Yet, the content and stories are still relevant and this is a great read, from mid-westerner to mid-westerner, as we are in even more tumultuous times regarding how we care for those just coming to our country. Thanks Mary, for living like people matter and sharing their stories with us.
June 4, 2013
I thought this book was fantastic! If you work as a teacher, in schools, on missions….anywhere there are refugees, you should really read this book. It is beautifully written. “In cities all over the country, refugees arrive daily. Lost Boys from Sudan, survivors from Kosovo, families fleeing Afghanistan and Vietnam: they come with nothing but the desire to experience the American dream. Their endurance in the face of tragedy and their ability to hold on to the virtues of family, love, and joy are a lesson for Americans. Their stories will make you laugh and weep--and give you a deeper understanding of the wider world in which we live.”
January 3, 2013
I read this for my Diversity class and enjoyed it but it was a "heavy" read. I knew that some people have horrible living circumstances due to war, discrimination, etc. and this book really helped paint that picture for me. I would say that this book is like reading Half the Sky (which also opened my eyes up.)
March 11, 2012
I LOVED this book. Pipher's analysis was right on, as usual. She made me take a searching look at my own cultures & beliefs. Are there good things? Of course. Are there things I would change? Definitely. I will probably buy a copy & read this one again.
June 7, 2013
It took me months to admit that I'm not going to finish this. But I'm not--I found it disappointing at nearly every turn, and waiting for it to improve didn't work in the slightest.
April 27, 2020
I picked up Mary Pipher’s The Middle of Everywhere: Helping Refugees Enter the American Community because of the books I’ve been reading in my post-colonial literature class this semester. In this class, we’ve read books about the plight of ethnic groups, such as Achebe’s “Things Fall Apart” and Malik Sajad’s “Munnu.”
In general, I liked Pipher’s work, however it a bit dated, as it was published in 2002. Because of this, I think Pipher’s sometimes makes sweeping generalizations about refugees. For example, Pipher says that all refugees work in places that Americans don’t want to work. Another generalization Pipher says is that Americans have more prejudice against Africans, then we do against African Americans. Both of these statements aren’t entirely true.
Besides that, I appreciate that Pipher puts a human face in front of all refugees and tells the reader their characteristics, tendencies and the places of where they come from. She also talks of the importance of the cultural broker, who ease refugees into American society and makes sure businesses and sellers don’t exploit them and take advantage of them. I also liked how she included the 30 articles of the U.S. Constitution, as I’ve never actually read them word-for-word before.
I would recommend this book to anyone interested in learning more about refugees in America and how they are valued as citizens, like me and you, in our community.
In general, I liked Pipher’s work, however it a bit dated, as it was published in 2002. Because of this, I think Pipher’s sometimes makes sweeping generalizations about refugees. For example, Pipher says that all refugees work in places that Americans don’t want to work. Another generalization Pipher says is that Americans have more prejudice against Africans, then we do against African Americans. Both of these statements aren’t entirely true.
Besides that, I appreciate that Pipher puts a human face in front of all refugees and tells the reader their characteristics, tendencies and the places of where they come from. She also talks of the importance of the cultural broker, who ease refugees into American society and makes sure businesses and sellers don’t exploit them and take advantage of them. I also liked how she included the 30 articles of the U.S. Constitution, as I’ve never actually read them word-for-word before.
I would recommend this book to anyone interested in learning more about refugees in America and how they are valued as citizens, like me and you, in our community.
March 26, 2025
This should be required reading for all Americans and Canadians where refugees and immigrants have come to find new lives. It is astonishing that this was written 25 years ago (almost), and yet I feel like it is what I encounter regularly in my current teaching and learning. I will reread this book so that I may really write down quotes and transfer ideas and stories to what works now for me. We have to do better and be better. For better or worse, our world is changing. It doesn’t mean that culture is gone, but it is evolving.
November 9, 2020
This was thoughtful and beautifully written. Some of the language and processes for refugee resettlement is a bit outdated now but the wisdom in it is absolutely timeless.
May 20, 2025
I read this going into college and it changed the way I looked at the world. Really good book from what I remember and local to lincoln which is cool.
August 4, 2021
This is one of those books that was inherited when my wife and I married. It has sat on the shelf for a few years. Seeking something new to read, I stood in front of our bookshelves and this one caught my eye.
The Middle of Everywhere was an eye opening book. It provides a glimpse into a world most of us would rather not recognize, never come into contact with, or consider the responsibility of someone else. The stories recounted in this book reveal far more red tape, uncertainty, difficulty, fear, hope, and enjoyment that I had not anticipated finding within its pages. At the heart of this book is the need for acceptance, the power of a helpful hand, and the difficulty grappling with the rapid collision of varying cultures and beliefs. It includes real life stories of tragedy and triumphs, sorrow and hope, escapes from devastation and landing in the unknown, being surrounded by people while feeling alone and gained friendships. It is a story of life.
It made me want to be kinder to others, more welcoming, more outgoing (as an introvert that is easier said than done), and to offer a helping hand when need is apparent. Whether that is done to a neighbor whose ancestors have been in these lands since the landing of the Mayflower, to someone who just moved from another state, to someone who immigrated from another country, or someone who is fleeing persecution as a refugee, it is the same. We are all brothers and sisters on this "Pale Blue Dot" and kindness and service is what brings us together. It unifies us. It helps us learn the best from each other. It helps us individually succeed and achieve our potential. It keeps us out of trouble and provides a sense of belonging. This book helped me see the value of that in a way I had never seen before.
An underlying theme that I was less appreciative of, was a criticism of the United States. Yes, the USA has issues. Yes, its history is fraught with decisions and actions that are deplorable compared to today's standards. Perhaps it does not let enough refugees into its boarders. Perhaps not enough of its citizens are willing to step up and lend a helping hand to strangers (whether they be foreigners or not). This is not a solitary issue with the United States. Every country I've visited have the same issues. The countries refugees are fleeing from currently have far greater issues. I did not find the underlying criticisms in the book advantageous.
I believe the stories and experiences of refugees, coupled with the example of the author and others who stepped in to help refugees transition from their past life to their new life is far stronger in motivating others out of idleness and into the action of helping others in a community (regardless of where the individuals who live within a community come from). I wish this was the full driving goal of the book.
Whatever your stance on refugees is this would be an excellent book to read, because you will gain insight into the life changing experiences it causes for both refugees and the people around them. I also recommend this book from the stance of real life. Life is hard, but add to it a new language, new culture, new social hierarchy, new community, new beliefs and the difficulty of life just compounded beyond comprehension. For those of us who know how to navigate all of those within our communities we don't think much about them. For someone dropped into those waters, it is as daunting and scary as a tempestuous sea without a life raft. We can be their life raft, literately saving lives, and this book can help us know what to look for and how we can help.
The Middle of Everywhere was an eye opening book. It provides a glimpse into a world most of us would rather not recognize, never come into contact with, or consider the responsibility of someone else. The stories recounted in this book reveal far more red tape, uncertainty, difficulty, fear, hope, and enjoyment that I had not anticipated finding within its pages. At the heart of this book is the need for acceptance, the power of a helpful hand, and the difficulty grappling with the rapid collision of varying cultures and beliefs. It includes real life stories of tragedy and triumphs, sorrow and hope, escapes from devastation and landing in the unknown, being surrounded by people while feeling alone and gained friendships. It is a story of life.
It made me want to be kinder to others, more welcoming, more outgoing (as an introvert that is easier said than done), and to offer a helping hand when need is apparent. Whether that is done to a neighbor whose ancestors have been in these lands since the landing of the Mayflower, to someone who just moved from another state, to someone who immigrated from another country, or someone who is fleeing persecution as a refugee, it is the same. We are all brothers and sisters on this "Pale Blue Dot" and kindness and service is what brings us together. It unifies us. It helps us learn the best from each other. It helps us individually succeed and achieve our potential. It keeps us out of trouble and provides a sense of belonging. This book helped me see the value of that in a way I had never seen before.
An underlying theme that I was less appreciative of, was a criticism of the United States. Yes, the USA has issues. Yes, its history is fraught with decisions and actions that are deplorable compared to today's standards. Perhaps it does not let enough refugees into its boarders. Perhaps not enough of its citizens are willing to step up and lend a helping hand to strangers (whether they be foreigners or not). This is not a solitary issue with the United States. Every country I've visited have the same issues. The countries refugees are fleeing from currently have far greater issues. I did not find the underlying criticisms in the book advantageous.
I believe the stories and experiences of refugees, coupled with the example of the author and others who stepped in to help refugees transition from their past life to their new life is far stronger in motivating others out of idleness and into the action of helping others in a community (regardless of where the individuals who live within a community come from). I wish this was the full driving goal of the book.
Whatever your stance on refugees is this would be an excellent book to read, because you will gain insight into the life changing experiences it causes for both refugees and the people around them. I also recommend this book from the stance of real life. Life is hard, but add to it a new language, new culture, new social hierarchy, new community, new beliefs and the difficulty of life just compounded beyond comprehension. For those of us who know how to navigate all of those within our communities we don't think much about them. For someone dropped into those waters, it is as daunting and scary as a tempestuous sea without a life raft. We can be their life raft, literately saving lives, and this book can help us know what to look for and how we can help.
October 24, 2015
Come on Dr. Pipher. Seriously? This was nowhere near a book that tells the truth about an issue and weaves together personal stories, such as Half the Sky by Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn. But this?? There were so many irritating quotes in this that shouted HEY IM A DOCTOR AND IM A THERAPIST AND I LOVE MYSELF AND BEING A WASP IS WHAT I DO AND I DONT SEE COLOR!!!! AND DIVERSITY IS COOL WOW IM A CULTURAL BROKER WOW INCLUSIVE I AM SO WONDERFUL FUCK YEAH LINCOLN NEBRASKA
Really? Please refrain, Mary.
Not to mention the parts of the book when she wasn't lauding the reader with tales of her martyrdom, she was describing a park in Lincoln, Nebraska, where women in hijabs peacefully sat alongside Vietnamese girls in mini skirts and tank tops, and Latina women feeding their children tomales. How many of these vignettes did Pipher feel compelled to include, I wondered? Then, Pipher would boast about how her town is a melting pot and a "salt-and-pepper" environment, the likes of which she was certain would be everywhere on earth soon enough. Hm. Not exactly, anthropologically speaking, most cultural groups, largely, live in certain regions. When she spoke of the American culture assimilating other cultures, it seemed odd to me--here was a woman who claimed to be Irish, but who didn't participate in any Irish customs. Anyone in her book who she argued was demonstrating what it is to be a true American was simply practicing their culture- and, much to Pipher's pleasure, were willing for her to come inside their homes and comment on their furniture and clothing and difficulty adapting to American ways. I guess that brings up the bigger question: what is American culture anyway?
But Pipher never really answered that.
Instead, she simply answered the question by speaking to her own adaptability. I don't know about any of you but I read this book to learn about refugees, not a middle-aged white woman who considers herself to have single-handedly ended any issues refugees might have in America.
"In Lincoln I found two worlds. We have a prosperous middle-class culture and a culture of the poor. I had been in one and began to move in the other. Neither culture has a monopoly on happiness or truth. I enjoyed the second culture a great deal. Sometimes it seemed more honest, more authentic, and caring. Poor people can't afford not to share". EWwwwww. So you like poor people more and you are "moving into their class"? Hm, well as a clinical published psychologist, I seriously doubt that, Mary. You are comfortable and I'm sure going through what they go through you would not appreciate. So don't act like you would. Don't characterize poor people as helpless, but sweet, authentic, lovely and much more human. Not that they aren't any of these things, but it's demeaning to generalize anyone, especially refugees who could have been wealthy in their country, in a Cinderella-esque lens.
A lot of it wasn't even brash or insulting. It was mostly irritating as fuck. On page 340, Pipher boasts: "I am trying to become better informed, and as I grow more interested, the world grew more interesting." DUHHHH??!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHY WOULD YOU WASTE PRECIOUS INK ON PRECIOUS PAPER TELLING YOUR READER ALL THAT IS OBVIOUS AND IS ONLY THERE TO FEED YOUR RAVENOUS EGO??
I digress. This book sucked.
Really? Please refrain, Mary.
Not to mention the parts of the book when she wasn't lauding the reader with tales of her martyrdom, she was describing a park in Lincoln, Nebraska, where women in hijabs peacefully sat alongside Vietnamese girls in mini skirts and tank tops, and Latina women feeding their children tomales. How many of these vignettes did Pipher feel compelled to include, I wondered? Then, Pipher would boast about how her town is a melting pot and a "salt-and-pepper" environment, the likes of which she was certain would be everywhere on earth soon enough. Hm. Not exactly, anthropologically speaking, most cultural groups, largely, live in certain regions. When she spoke of the American culture assimilating other cultures, it seemed odd to me--here was a woman who claimed to be Irish, but who didn't participate in any Irish customs. Anyone in her book who she argued was demonstrating what it is to be a true American was simply practicing their culture- and, much to Pipher's pleasure, were willing for her to come inside their homes and comment on their furniture and clothing and difficulty adapting to American ways. I guess that brings up the bigger question: what is American culture anyway?
But Pipher never really answered that.
Instead, she simply answered the question by speaking to her own adaptability. I don't know about any of you but I read this book to learn about refugees, not a middle-aged white woman who considers herself to have single-handedly ended any issues refugees might have in America.
"In Lincoln I found two worlds. We have a prosperous middle-class culture and a culture of the poor. I had been in one and began to move in the other. Neither culture has a monopoly on happiness or truth. I enjoyed the second culture a great deal. Sometimes it seemed more honest, more authentic, and caring. Poor people can't afford not to share". EWwwwww. So you like poor people more and you are "moving into their class"? Hm, well as a clinical published psychologist, I seriously doubt that, Mary. You are comfortable and I'm sure going through what they go through you would not appreciate. So don't act like you would. Don't characterize poor people as helpless, but sweet, authentic, lovely and much more human. Not that they aren't any of these things, but it's demeaning to generalize anyone, especially refugees who could have been wealthy in their country, in a Cinderella-esque lens.
A lot of it wasn't even brash or insulting. It was mostly irritating as fuck. On page 340, Pipher boasts: "I am trying to become better informed, and as I grow more interested, the world grew more interesting." DUHHHH??!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHY WOULD YOU WASTE PRECIOUS INK ON PRECIOUS PAPER TELLING YOUR READER ALL THAT IS OBVIOUS AND IS ONLY THERE TO FEED YOUR RAVENOUS EGO??
I digress. This book sucked.
January 3, 2016
To be fair, I didn't finish the book. But I did love some of the things she pointed out about refugees and the process of integration:
"Refugees may arrive penniless, but they don't arrive resourceless."p. 69
"Refugees who come alone are much disadvantaged. Families work together, share resources, and support each other emotionally. Both tradition and circumstance encourage the closeness of immigrant families. Over and over, family is literally what keeps people alive. Some members are housed, fed, and cared for by others. And the caretakers have a sense of purpose because of their responsibilities. In hostile environments here is no greater protection and comfort than the protection of close-knit families. Our word wretched comes from the Middle English word wrecche, which means, 'without kin nearby.'" p. 70
"The intelligence, personality, and energy of new arrivals are submerged by their lack of English. We Americans just see the tip of the iceberg" p. 76
"In general, there are four reactions refugees'families have to the new culture--fight it because it is threatening; avoid it because it's overwhelming' assimilate as fast as possible by making all American choices; or tolerate discomfort and confusion while slowly making intentional choices about what to accept and reject. . . . Portes and . . . Rumbaut . . .found that this last reaction, which they called 'selective acculturation,'was best for refugees. . . .Dissonant acculturation is when the kids in the family outstrip the parents. This can undercut parental authority and put kids at risk.
"In Legacies, Portes and Rumbaut report that most immigrants move into the middle-class mainstream in one or two generations. that is the good news. The bad news is that if they don't make it quickly into the middle class, they won't make it at all. With the passage of time, drive diminishes, and by the third generation, assimilation stops. If two generations fail to make it into the middle class, the following generations are likely to be stuck at the bottom.
" . . .We need to help refugees and immigrants early with job training, education, language, and business loans. It's hard to study physics when one is sick and hungry, or to attend GED lasses when one has worked all night at a factory. If we miss our chance to help the, we miss our chance to create well-adjusted, well-educated citizens." p. 78
"Television tells newcomer lies--that most Americans are rich, that most African Americans are gang members and drug dealers, and that happiness comes from buying consumer goods and unhealthy foods. There are no ads for the joys of quiet time, gardening, looking at sunsets, visiting with neighbors, or reading to children.
"All refugee families are given televisions and encouraged to 'improve their English.' But television doesn't improve English so much as foster shopping. In most refugee home, televisions are always on and become virtual primers of acculturation. Families learn about America from the Jerry Springer Show and the Simpsons. They observe a monoculture with only three elements--sex, violence, and consumption." p. 86
"Refugees may arrive penniless, but they don't arrive resourceless."p. 69
"Refugees who come alone are much disadvantaged. Families work together, share resources, and support each other emotionally. Both tradition and circumstance encourage the closeness of immigrant families. Over and over, family is literally what keeps people alive. Some members are housed, fed, and cared for by others. And the caretakers have a sense of purpose because of their responsibilities. In hostile environments here is no greater protection and comfort than the protection of close-knit families. Our word wretched comes from the Middle English word wrecche, which means, 'without kin nearby.'" p. 70
"The intelligence, personality, and energy of new arrivals are submerged by their lack of English. We Americans just see the tip of the iceberg" p. 76
"In general, there are four reactions refugees'families have to the new culture--fight it because it is threatening; avoid it because it's overwhelming' assimilate as fast as possible by making all American choices; or tolerate discomfort and confusion while slowly making intentional choices about what to accept and reject. . . . Portes and . . . Rumbaut . . .found that this last reaction, which they called 'selective acculturation,'was best for refugees. . . .Dissonant acculturation is when the kids in the family outstrip the parents. This can undercut parental authority and put kids at risk.
"In Legacies, Portes and Rumbaut report that most immigrants move into the middle-class mainstream in one or two generations. that is the good news. The bad news is that if they don't make it quickly into the middle class, they won't make it at all. With the passage of time, drive diminishes, and by the third generation, assimilation stops. If two generations fail to make it into the middle class, the following generations are likely to be stuck at the bottom.
" . . .We need to help refugees and immigrants early with job training, education, language, and business loans. It's hard to study physics when one is sick and hungry, or to attend GED lasses when one has worked all night at a factory. If we miss our chance to help the, we miss our chance to create well-adjusted, well-educated citizens." p. 78
"Television tells newcomer lies--that most Americans are rich, that most African Americans are gang members and drug dealers, and that happiness comes from buying consumer goods and unhealthy foods. There are no ads for the joys of quiet time, gardening, looking at sunsets, visiting with neighbors, or reading to children.
"All refugee families are given televisions and encouraged to 'improve their English.' But television doesn't improve English so much as foster shopping. In most refugee home, televisions are always on and become virtual primers of acculturation. Families learn about America from the Jerry Springer Show and the Simpsons. They observe a monoculture with only three elements--sex, violence, and consumption." p. 86
January 8, 2022
This book is even more relevant that when it was published in 2000. Mary Pipher (author, therapist) gave and “up close and personal” knowledge of refugees striving to make it in her small town of Lincoln, Nebraska in 1999 and 2000 (before 9/11). This book gave an intimate view of actual people, students, parents, and families, their pain, their joys, their obstacles, their triumphs. She quickly learned our ideas about how to deal with pain did not seem relevant to many newcomers. Talk therapy is not usually appropriate to deal with depression, anger, etc. “Laughter, music, prayer, touch, truth telling, and forgiveness are universal methods of healing.”
Some general thoughts: “Schools are the frontline institution for acculturation, where children receive solid information about their new world.” It is essential to also have people from their own culture help orient them to America. “
She identified a list ATTRIBUTES OF RESILIENCE necessary to make it in America: Future Orientation; Energy and Good Health; the ability to Pay Attention; Ambition and Initiative; Verbal Expressiveness; Positive Mental Health; ability to Calm Down; Flexibility; Intentionality (thoughtful about choices); Lovability; ability to Love New People; good Moral Character. The more of these attributes a person had, the more likely s/he would succeed in America.
Mary Pipher also identified Ten Common (FALSE) Beliefs of the “JPI”—Just Plain Ignorant that we hear/see so often in some of the negative anti-immigration rhetoric presently so rampant. Actually, refugees are usually educated , motivated, worked hard just to get here, often do 3-D work—(difficult, dirty, and dangerous), pay taxes, are educated in English-speaking classes, etc.
Mary makes a good argument for how these “newcomers” are adding to our country, not “taking stuff away” from our country. We should be welcoming them and “help refugees and immigrants early with job training, education, language, and business loans.”
I found the stories compelling ad learned more about newcomers, but the book went on too long. She did include bibliography and index. Of special interest were the appendices : “Working with people for whom English is a new language,” “Communicating with language,” “Suggestions Concerning NonVerbal Communications,” “When Working with Interpreters,” “Becoming a Cultural Broker,” and a copy of the “Universal Declaration of Human Rights.”
I liked that she followed up on some of her subjects and told us how things worked out for them. The audio was unbearably slow so it was a relief to get ahold of the ebook. If you're interested in life-and-death cultural differences, I recommend an in-depth look at the Merced, California, medical community working with the local Hmong community I recommend reading The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down: A Hmong Child, Her American Doctors, and the Collision of Two Cultures.
March 15, 2010
This is one of my new favorites. The Middle of Everywhere gave me a different perspective on immigrants and especially refugees. Mary Pipher lives in a large Midwestern town which has recently been overrun by refugees from several countries all over the world. Pipher is a therapist, and one of her jobs is to help these refugees adjust to their new lives in the United States. I can only imagine how overwhelming this culture would be to someone who has never seen a television or a highway! She tries to teach them how to filter the good things from the bad things in our culture. Refugees are given a television set because watching TV is a good way to learn English. So the TV is on 24/7, and the people are learning English, but they're also being bombarded with commercials for all kinds of junk they don't need. TV also constantly exposes these people to a fake American culture and values which most of us wouldn't claim as our own. Pipher has to help the refugees learn that in a capitalistic environment, most people are out to sell them something. One woman was delighted to be invited to a "Candle Party," and Pipher had to explain to her that she would probably be expected to buy something.
The parents struggle to hold their families together as the children assimilate American values rather than the family's traditional cultural values. The children usually learn English faster than the parents, which puts them in the position of translating for their parents. Pipher gave one example of a child who told his parents he was required to have a fancy leather jacket and expensive jeans in order to go school, so the father took a second job in order to buy his son those things. She talked about a father from Latvia being upset when his kindergarten-aged child brought home an art project made of dried beans glued on paper. The father said, "My family members are starving to death in our old country, and you are wasting food!" I loved the stories of the different immigrants, and their perspective was very eye-opening.
The parents struggle to hold their families together as the children assimilate American values rather than the family's traditional cultural values. The children usually learn English faster than the parents, which puts them in the position of translating for their parents. Pipher gave one example of a child who told his parents he was required to have a fancy leather jacket and expensive jeans in order to go school, so the father took a second job in order to buy his son those things. She talked about a father from Latvia being upset when his kindergarten-aged child brought home an art project made of dried beans glued on paper. The father said, "My family members are starving to death in our old country, and you are wasting food!" I loved the stories of the different immigrants, and their perspective was very eye-opening.
May 14, 2010
"The United States is a series of paradoxes for newcomers. Every plus is married to a minus. It is the land of opportunity and yet the opportunity is often to work in a meatpacking plant. Newcomers have fled war zones for the safety of our country but, in the United States, they often find themselves in our most dangerous neighborhoods. They are in a country with sophisticated health and mental health care but often cannot afford even the most basic treatments. They come for our wonderful educational system, but often their children are educated by television and learn all the wrong lessons. And finally, they come because of the generousity of the American people, and yet once here, they must deal with an unfriendly and grossly inefficient INS."
"The INS is incredibly understaffed. For the last few years Congress has funded enforcement but hasn't funded routine service and processing of documents. A recent newspaper article reported that of the 115,000 calls made to national INS offices daily, only 500 are answered."
"In this changing universe of home, we all need a global positioning system for identity. At one time, to be born a Cuban, Japanese, or Inuit was to live a certain kind of life. Identity was totally determined by gender, clan, birth order, and place. There was very little choice involved. Today, identity from sense of place is no longer a given. Demographic clusters have replaced national identity as the great definers. People in these clusters share the same habits, activities, opinions, and tastes, whether they live in London, Milan, Hong Kong, or Lincoln."
"We are not living in a global village; rather we're quartered in a chain hotel in a global strip mall. In global shopping malls, the stories and metaphors are not our own, but rather are designed to sell us stuff."
"Maintaining a both/and identity is complex. As a Mexican American teenager said, 'I have to be more Mexican than the Mexicans and more American than the Americans. It's exhausting.'"
"The INS is incredibly understaffed. For the last few years Congress has funded enforcement but hasn't funded routine service and processing of documents. A recent newspaper article reported that of the 115,000 calls made to national INS offices daily, only 500 are answered."
"In this changing universe of home, we all need a global positioning system for identity. At one time, to be born a Cuban, Japanese, or Inuit was to live a certain kind of life. Identity was totally determined by gender, clan, birth order, and place. There was very little choice involved. Today, identity from sense of place is no longer a given. Demographic clusters have replaced national identity as the great definers. People in these clusters share the same habits, activities, opinions, and tastes, whether they live in London, Milan, Hong Kong, or Lincoln."
"We are not living in a global village; rather we're quartered in a chain hotel in a global strip mall. In global shopping malls, the stories and metaphors are not our own, but rather are designed to sell us stuff."
"Maintaining a both/and identity is complex. As a Mexican American teenager said, 'I have to be more Mexican than the Mexicans and more American than the Americans. It's exhausting.'"
April 17, 2013
"The worst thing about America is its exclusivity, and the best thing about America is its lack of exclusivity."
This book is a collection of stories about refugees who have been resettled in Lincoln, Nebraska, about their culture shock, about their own cultures, about cultural differences and ultimately, how very much the same we all are at our cores.
However dated this book is, having been written pre-9/11 and 9/11 being an event that would very likely have had a major effect on the stories, tone, and people in the book (not to mention the repetitive criticism of the INS, which no longer exists because of the very problems pointed out in this book), I think it's an important one. It's also very clearly rooted in the Midwestern author's pace- which I think is a great thing. At first I felt it was a little naive and condescending, but by the end I felt it was very important to hear from someone living in the slower-paced, less elitist midwest than had it been written by a DC politician, a jaded New Yorker, or really any sort of "expert."
The best thing about this book is that while it focuses on the stories of refugees, what it does best is teach us more about America from a different perspective. When we look at America as Americans, we see a very different place than what newcomers see. And it's vital to understand our country better, from the perspective of the people immigrating here. The book is about healing and outreach and very much about community and love. I learned a lot about culture, a little about a lot of different cultures, but mostly I learned about America and how we can "get it right" with refugees instead of "getting it wrong" like we did with Native Americans and continue to do when we are racist or exclusive.
The book is no Pulitzer writing style-wise, but I highly recommend it as a read to open one's world view a little wider.
This book is a collection of stories about refugees who have been resettled in Lincoln, Nebraska, about their culture shock, about their own cultures, about cultural differences and ultimately, how very much the same we all are at our cores.
However dated this book is, having been written pre-9/11 and 9/11 being an event that would very likely have had a major effect on the stories, tone, and people in the book (not to mention the repetitive criticism of the INS, which no longer exists because of the very problems pointed out in this book), I think it's an important one. It's also very clearly rooted in the Midwestern author's pace- which I think is a great thing. At first I felt it was a little naive and condescending, but by the end I felt it was very important to hear from someone living in the slower-paced, less elitist midwest than had it been written by a DC politician, a jaded New Yorker, or really any sort of "expert."
The best thing about this book is that while it focuses on the stories of refugees, what it does best is teach us more about America from a different perspective. When we look at America as Americans, we see a very different place than what newcomers see. And it's vital to understand our country better, from the perspective of the people immigrating here. The book is about healing and outreach and very much about community and love. I learned a lot about culture, a little about a lot of different cultures, but mostly I learned about America and how we can "get it right" with refugees instead of "getting it wrong" like we did with Native Americans and continue to do when we are racist or exclusive.
The book is no Pulitzer writing style-wise, but I highly recommend it as a read to open one's world view a little wider.
February 22, 2017
This book about and for refugees covers a wide range of ages and cultural backgrounds based on the author's experiences in the midwestern college town of Lincoln, NE, a haven for refugees to this day.
As a mental health professional, Pipher's book describes how western beliefs about medicine and mental health in particular may not be the best solution for refugees. Instead, she calls on Americans to serve as "cultural brokers" for refugee families. By doing so, we may learn more about "the strengths and flaws of America" as well as our own character and identity in an increasingly globalized world (p. 20-23).
By learning more about the experiences of refugees, we can develop empathy and respect and perhaps insight into qualities of resilience that help some survive and even thrive in their new country. "Refugees come from a fire into a fire. Like all who live in crucibles, their experiences are defining ones for them and for all who witness their lives," (p. 21).
favorite quotes from the book
"Refugees may arrive penniless but they don't arrive resourceless. They carry their individual attributes, their histories, their families, and their cultures. They bring their human capital, that is, their skills and professional experience," (p. 69).
"The intelligence, personality, and energy of new arrivals are submerged by their lack of English" (p. 76).
"We need to hear refugee stories; they are more interesting and hopeful than many of the stories we do hear," (p. 149).
As a mental health professional, Pipher's book describes how western beliefs about medicine and mental health in particular may not be the best solution for refugees. Instead, she calls on Americans to serve as "cultural brokers" for refugee families. By doing so, we may learn more about "the strengths and flaws of America" as well as our own character and identity in an increasingly globalized world (p. 20-23).
By learning more about the experiences of refugees, we can develop empathy and respect and perhaps insight into qualities of resilience that help some survive and even thrive in their new country. "Refugees come from a fire into a fire. Like all who live in crucibles, their experiences are defining ones for them and for all who witness their lives," (p. 21).
favorite quotes from the book
"Refugees may arrive penniless but they don't arrive resourceless. They carry their individual attributes, their histories, their families, and their cultures. They bring their human capital, that is, their skills and professional experience," (p. 69).
"The intelligence, personality, and energy of new arrivals are submerged by their lack of English" (p. 76).
"We need to hear refugee stories; they are more interesting and hopeful than many of the stories we do hear," (p. 149).
February 16, 2017
Highly recommended! Phenomenal read.
Read
April 24, 2017This book took a long time to finish. It was a good read and worth the time. In this harsh climate of difficulty for refugees it was good to get a look at some in our own backyard. I am sure Nebraska is probably one of the worst places for a refugee to find themselves. The weather is extreme.
Quotes
After 9/11 "Bintu and I fear we have brought the war from Sierra Leone to America. We thought America was safe. Now we don't know where to run."
"Leda disapproved of public displays of affection and the way American women show their bodies. She said, 'Women are jewels, not toys. The should respect themselves." p.232
"To acknowledge difference is not to be a racist. It is only racism when all positive qualities are attributed to the oppressor group and all the negative ones to the subjugated group." p. 330
"Many countries value men over women, but that is wrong. Cultural relativity should be liberating, not a constraining, concept. It should allow us to select from all cultures what is best for us humans, not hold us to that which is harmful in the name of respect for tradition." p. 338
"Lincoln has become for me the middle of everywhere." p. 345.
Quotes
After 9/11 "Bintu and I fear we have brought the war from Sierra Leone to America. We thought America was safe. Now we don't know where to run."
"Leda disapproved of public displays of affection and the way American women show their bodies. She said, 'Women are jewels, not toys. The should respect themselves." p.232
"To acknowledge difference is not to be a racist. It is only racism when all positive qualities are attributed to the oppressor group and all the negative ones to the subjugated group." p. 330
"Many countries value men over women, but that is wrong. Cultural relativity should be liberating, not a constraining, concept. It should allow us to select from all cultures what is best for us humans, not hold us to that which is harmful in the name of respect for tradition." p. 338
"Lincoln has become for me the middle of everywhere." p. 345.
October 28, 2015
I really enjoyed this book and it has given me a lot to think about. The author discusses her experience working with refugees who have been relocated to Lincoln Nebraska and the challenges they face. What can we do to help refugees and what they can do to be successful are explored for children, teens, and adults. There are some beautiful quotes and many incredible stories. This book has made me feel very grateful and also made me want to find ways to volunteer within the community again.
I found it very helpful that the author pointed out how different cultures deal with trauma. Helping refugees may not mean sessions of discussing painful memories, it might be more helpful to have a peaceful walk in the park, or ensure they have a good job.
One thought has really stuck with me. The author said that helping people can involve a lot of salt. The salt of tears, sweat if hard work and the sea. This has made me re-think what it means to be "the salt of the earth" and what it means to mourn with those that mourn, to serve, and to find places of peace.
I found it very helpful that the author pointed out how different cultures deal with trauma. Helping refugees may not mean sessions of discussing painful memories, it might be more helpful to have a peaceful walk in the park, or ensure they have a good job.
One thought has really stuck with me. The author said that helping people can involve a lot of salt. The salt of tears, sweat if hard work and the sea. This has made me re-think what it means to be "the salt of the earth" and what it means to mourn with those that mourn, to serve, and to find places of peace.
December 30, 2007
This was a really fascinating picture of refugees in the United States. Not only do the stories Pipher tells give me a glimpse at someone else's life and culture, but they also challenge the way I perceive my own. The experiences of these refugees from all over the globe and the new challenges they face in the US offer something of a reflection of our own culture, changing as it is with globalization. My only problems with this book are the first and last chapters-- the author gets a little preachy and abstract. While I don't doubt that she has learned a lot from her experiences with these refugees, I think she could trust her reader more to draw conclusions rather than plopping them in our laps as objective moral truths. I disliked her tone in the introductory and concluding chapters, but aside from that I found her to be a compelling storyteller who is very intentional not to romanticize or idealize the experiences of these individuals.
July 4, 2013
This book was an interesting peek into the lives of refugees in America through the eyes of psychologist and "cultural broker," Mary Pipher. I liked her stories about her personal relationships and experiences with refugees and their families. I also enjoyed learning about how Lincoln, Nebraska, has turned into an unlikely (or at least unexpected) multicultural hub in the U.S.
The last third of the book was a bit dull and seemed to lack a specific point ("racism is bad," "home is where the heart is," and other obvious and cliche bits and pieces about America and its increasing cultural diversity.) However, I work in an agency that resettles refugees, and although I don't work directly with these populations, the book did give me a better understanding of what life is like for refugees who come here and the different challenges they face on the road to becoming functional members of a new society.
The last third of the book was a bit dull and seemed to lack a specific point ("racism is bad," "home is where the heart is," and other obvious and cliche bits and pieces about America and its increasing cultural diversity.) However, I work in an agency that resettles refugees, and although I don't work directly with these populations, the book did give me a better understanding of what life is like for refugees who come here and the different challenges they face on the road to becoming functional members of a new society.
May 5, 2008
Psychologist Mary Pipher (a fellow Lincolnite!) delves into the local refugee populations and the difficulties they face in integrating into American communities. We so rarely consider what newcomers have had to go through to get here, or the overwhelming cacaphony of changes they face once they arrive -- new language, new laws, new standard of living, new cultural expectations ... If you've traveled at all, spending a week whipping out a phrasebook to ask the simplest question (and returning that evening to a luxury hotel, not a bottom-barrel rental), you have only a smidgen of an idea what life for a newcomer might be like, not for a week but for years of adaptation to come. Pipher encourages us to slow down, be a bit more welcoming, and in the process enrich our own lives with new experiences, new perspectives, new friendships.
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