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Coping with Grief
The go-to book on the grieving process.
This new edition of the bestselling classic offers sensitive and practical advice on how to deal with the grieving process, from coping with the funeral to managing anniversaries and special dates. Suitable for both the bereaved and their support team, it explains what to expect emotionally, psychologically and practically from the first day through the first year, as well as outlining the physical and emotional reactions to grief, why men and women react differently, how children deal with grief, and some of the long-term consequences of bereavement.
New chapters include complicated grief, memorialisation, talking to children about traumatic death, and compassionate ways to talk to the bereaved.
Whether you have been bereaved, or are supporting somone who is grieving, this self-help book will prove invaluable, and show you how to survive or help others survive the most challenging experience a human being can have: the loss of a loved one.
This new edition of the bestselling classic offers sensitive and practical advice on how to deal with the grieving process, from coping with the funeral to managing anniversaries and special dates. Suitable for both the bereaved and their support team, it explains what to expect emotionally, psychologically and practically from the first day through the first year, as well as outlining the physical and emotional reactions to grief, why men and women react differently, how children deal with grief, and some of the long-term consequences of bereavement.
New chapters include complicated grief, memorialisation, talking to children about traumatic death, and compassionate ways to talk to the bereaved.
Whether you have been bereaved, or are supporting somone who is grieving, this self-help book will prove invaluable, and show you how to survive or help others survive the most challenging experience a human being can have: the loss of a loved one.
144 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1996
21 people are currently reading
86 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 34 reviews
March 17, 2022
Woah, It is like the author of this book went inside my head and has watched me from the 08/12/2018. They unpack what grief looks like in a chronological order, like how it is commonly played out in the moments of finding out (literally - says you will block out that it is reality) (I remember asking mum “is this a joke” like obviously it wasn’t a joke Kirsty) but it was just my body’s way of denying that it could be real. Anyway, back to the review. then it looks at the days following, then weeks, then even years and how grief is commonly played out in these time frames. All of which are incredibly accurate. At least for me.
I would 100% recommend this book to anyone! Life is short and we are all going to have to support someone through the grieving process at some point and I think anyone who reads this will be infinitely more helpful to those grieving around them.
Some key takeaways incase you read this review but not the book
- People don’t need to be told it’s going to be okay, or their feelings validated. They just need to be heard.
- Tears are such a good way of healing. Never try to stop someone from crying. (Infact, it can be helpful to ask questions that promote tears for healing)
- Don’t subdue your emotions for the sake of making those around you feel more comfortable.
- When supporting someone grieving talk about the people they have lost, bring them back to life in conversation. Don’t be scared to talk about them like they never existed.
- Grieving and depression are very different. Grieving is a passionate sort of sadness triggered by loss. Depression is in the mind, grief is in the heart.
Anyway, lol just read it for yourself. V good.
I would 100% recommend this book to anyone! Life is short and we are all going to have to support someone through the grieving process at some point and I think anyone who reads this will be infinitely more helpful to those grieving around them.
Some key takeaways incase you read this review but not the book
- People don’t need to be told it’s going to be okay, or their feelings validated. They just need to be heard.
- Tears are such a good way of healing. Never try to stop someone from crying. (Infact, it can be helpful to ask questions that promote tears for healing)
- Don’t subdue your emotions for the sake of making those around you feel more comfortable.
- When supporting someone grieving talk about the people they have lost, bring them back to life in conversation. Don’t be scared to talk about them like they never existed.
- Grieving and depression are very different. Grieving is a passionate sort of sadness triggered by loss. Depression is in the mind, grief is in the heart.
Anyway, lol just read it for yourself. V good.
September 21, 2018
Very helpful little book for anyone dealing with a death, or supporting someone else who is. Organized into short sections that can be flipped to depending on the situation and/or discussed in a group. Good for the short attention spans of the bereaved, with practical, reassuring advice about the difficult process of dealing with the death of a close loved one.
October 2, 2018
A very handy and easy to understand book that explores the nature and journey of grief as it relates to end of life. It is set in Australia so the links to support agencies may not be relevant to all readers but the key messages are suitable for everyone - children included.
July 13, 2025
I needed this book right now. So helpful.
Easy to understand. Just the right amount of information so you don’t become overwhelmed.
Easy to understand. Just the right amount of information so you don’t become overwhelmed.
January 19, 2021
A solid 4 stars. This is a very practical book and helpful for anyone experiencing a loss, or knowing someone that has. Also interesting from a psychology point of view, it's about how people tick.... Sometimes surprisingly so.
I found it personally very helpful... Highly recommend,... a subject we can't dodge and one we should talk about more.
I found it personally very helpful... Highly recommend,... a subject we can't dodge and one we should talk about more.
May 30, 2021
Listened to on audio book
Recommended to me by Kath
An amazing resource I will be recommending to EVERYONE! Although I would say best not to read it when in an acute grief stage.
Recommended to me by Kath
An amazing resource I will be recommending to EVERYONE! Although I would say best not to read it when in an acute grief stage.
December 19, 2025
"Coping with Grief" by Mal and Dianne McKissock is an enduring reference for the bereaved, with this latest fifth edition having been published in 2018, and including some new material.
Short and empathetic, this is a safe choice for the bereaved and anyone trying to support them. It took me just over an hour to read. Organized into short chapters dealing with different scenarios following a death, the reader can focus only on sections relevant to them if needed.
Alas, despite including new sections on complicated grief and compassionate communication with the bereaved, this book falls prey to many of the same pitfalls as other works on similar subjects - the default sufferer is female.
Obviously, there are gender preferences in readers, with even the pastime itself being more popular with women. Self-help books are no exception, but since the book is aimed at both the bereaved and their supporters, and since bereavement knows no gender, the book is disappointingly insensitive to male suffering.
Disappointing, but not unsurprising. The caring professions are more popular with women - another of those pesky gender differences - and both gender and career choice are correlated with ideology.
It should be uncomplicated to suggest, but there are same-sex benefits to counselling. Of course, this is a given if talking about women. "Coping with Grief" has multiple brief example scenarios of bereaved people, almost none of them male.
Males are mentioned in passing - their proneness to anger, their infrequent tears, difficulties in sexual connections between men and women - but for the most part, the authors do their part to contribute to that much-abused concept, 'toxic masculinity'.
As in, males are taught not to discuss their emotions.
The McKissock's 'crime' is one of omission. At no point do they say anything hostile to men, or anything not sincerely empathetic at all. But since men barely warrant discussion, a male reader such as myself will be led to conclude that male grief matters less.
Ironic, isn't it, that lifelong caring professionals are blind to this bias, but again, not surprising. We live in a world in which most cultural represents fathers as a Homer Simpson, or abusers, or other classic, simplistic archetypes. We know that men are oppressors, women oppressed per woke ideology, and so the white male is the modern default villain.
I recall Greg Lukianoff reporting on teen boys seeking counselling for the first time, only to be lectured about toxic masculinity. And yet it is men and boys falling behind fastest in the WEIRD world - in schools, in mortality rates. Relationships and the workforce. Deaths of despair. Richard Reeves, who I reviewed here last year, has much insight to shine on this subject.
This is a cynical take, and a personal issue for me - I have seen too many boys neglected in my 20 years teaching high school, and experienced too much casual indifference to my own series of tragic bereavements. Evidence has existed of these trends for decades - Christina Hoff Sommers wrote about this subject 25 years ago, and cited trends then that were already decades old.
(As always, if I mention books / authors in my reviews here, I have also reviewed them - so check them out please!)
My cynical take does not mean the book has no value - there is much simple, good, practical advice to be found, including for children. The McKissock's empathy is sincere, and they and their book have helped thousands deal with some of the worst moments of life.
I found myself most appreciative of advice for communicating kindly with the bereaved. The McKissock's often point out what might now be termed 'microaggressions' - in this case, statements made with positive intentions that cause harm ('you should ...', or 'you are still young, you can ...' or 'if you need anything ....') - or even statements that appear designed to comfort the speaker, not the bereaved.
But I remain disappointed by how blind my own society is to the reality of male suffering, and "Coping with Grief" is but another example.
I do recommend this for anyone looking for a short / accessible / time-tested resource for themselves or a bereaved loved one.
People with more experience or familiarity with the subject matter, or who are concerned about male suffering, can do better though.
Short and empathetic, this is a safe choice for the bereaved and anyone trying to support them. It took me just over an hour to read. Organized into short chapters dealing with different scenarios following a death, the reader can focus only on sections relevant to them if needed.
Alas, despite including new sections on complicated grief and compassionate communication with the bereaved, this book falls prey to many of the same pitfalls as other works on similar subjects - the default sufferer is female.
Obviously, there are gender preferences in readers, with even the pastime itself being more popular with women. Self-help books are no exception, but since the book is aimed at both the bereaved and their supporters, and since bereavement knows no gender, the book is disappointingly insensitive to male suffering.
Disappointing, but not unsurprising. The caring professions are more popular with women - another of those pesky gender differences - and both gender and career choice are correlated with ideology.
It should be uncomplicated to suggest, but there are same-sex benefits to counselling. Of course, this is a given if talking about women. "Coping with Grief" has multiple brief example scenarios of bereaved people, almost none of them male.
Males are mentioned in passing - their proneness to anger, their infrequent tears, difficulties in sexual connections between men and women - but for the most part, the authors do their part to contribute to that much-abused concept, 'toxic masculinity'.
As in, males are taught not to discuss their emotions.
The McKissock's 'crime' is one of omission. At no point do they say anything hostile to men, or anything not sincerely empathetic at all. But since men barely warrant discussion, a male reader such as myself will be led to conclude that male grief matters less.
Ironic, isn't it, that lifelong caring professionals are blind to this bias, but again, not surprising. We live in a world in which most cultural represents fathers as a Homer Simpson, or abusers, or other classic, simplistic archetypes. We know that men are oppressors, women oppressed per woke ideology, and so the white male is the modern default villain.
I recall Greg Lukianoff reporting on teen boys seeking counselling for the first time, only to be lectured about toxic masculinity. And yet it is men and boys falling behind fastest in the WEIRD world - in schools, in mortality rates. Relationships and the workforce. Deaths of despair. Richard Reeves, who I reviewed here last year, has much insight to shine on this subject.
This is a cynical take, and a personal issue for me - I have seen too many boys neglected in my 20 years teaching high school, and experienced too much casual indifference to my own series of tragic bereavements. Evidence has existed of these trends for decades - Christina Hoff Sommers wrote about this subject 25 years ago, and cited trends then that were already decades old.
(As always, if I mention books / authors in my reviews here, I have also reviewed them - so check them out please!)
My cynical take does not mean the book has no value - there is much simple, good, practical advice to be found, including for children. The McKissock's empathy is sincere, and they and their book have helped thousands deal with some of the worst moments of life.
I found myself most appreciative of advice for communicating kindly with the bereaved. The McKissock's often point out what might now be termed 'microaggressions' - in this case, statements made with positive intentions that cause harm ('you should ...', or 'you are still young, you can ...' or 'if you need anything ....') - or even statements that appear designed to comfort the speaker, not the bereaved.
But I remain disappointed by how blind my own society is to the reality of male suffering, and "Coping with Grief" is but another example.
I do recommend this for anyone looking for a short / accessible / time-tested resource for themselves or a bereaved loved one.
People with more experience or familiarity with the subject matter, or who are concerned about male suffering, can do better though.
May 15, 2023
Gives practical advice on how to deal with the grieving process, whether you have been bereaved, or are supporting someone who is grieving, from coping with the funeral to managing anniversaries and special dates.
I found it very helpful and easy to read, it doesn't tell you how you should behave but gives understanding and acceptance of the different ways people grieve.
A few quotes that particularly resonated with me:
I found it very helpful and easy to read, it doesn't tell you how you should behave but gives understanding and acceptance of the different ways people grieve.
A few quotes that particularly resonated with me:
We all grieve as we have lived. For example, emotionally expressive people might become more expressive, those who don’t show feelings openly may appear even more contained. Problems may occur when others try to force us to behave in ways that are comfortable for them, and not expressions of who we are.
The word coping is often a misleading judgement, used inappropriately in relation to grief. Observers who make comments about a grieving person along the lines of ‘He/she seems to be coping really well’, or ‘He/she isn’t coping very well’ tend to base their ability to judge your wellbeing on how they feel about what you are doing. For example, if you are very obviously distressed and crying, you are likely to be described as ‘not coping very well’. If you don’t express your grief overtly or don’t show more grief than the observer is comfortable with, they are likely to describe you as ‘coping very well’. It is also possible to show too little grief for their comfort level. If you don’t cry or appear filled with sorrow or pain, they don’t have a role and may consequently describe you as cold.
The title of this book — Coping with Grief — is an attempt to redefine what coping really means. When any of us are newly bereaved, we are ‘coping’ if we can keep breathing, put one foot after the other, get out of bed, dress ourselves, and attend to essential tasks even if on automatic pilot.
Death is almost always experienced as sudden, no matter how much warning we have, and despite some initial relief that the dying person is now free of pain, grief is still grief, and usually no less raw because of foreknowledge.
August 6, 2024
3.5 stars. Loved the first half. Really helped me understand my own grief and those around me. Everyone experiences it differently and there’s no time limit for it. Good advice for someone supporting the bereaved too, eg what to say and what NOT to say. Second half there were some odd moments and some of it was quite heteronormative eg ‘the husband will do this and the wife will react like this’. If I wanted to read Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus, I would! There is also a part where they say not to give tissues to a bereaved person who is crying, as it signals to them they shouldn’t be upset - I highly disagree! Sitting there sobbing with salty tears and nose fluid running down your face while a person just sits there watching is exponentially worse than kindly being given a tissue to relieve you of your snotty predicament. Any relief at all with an extended hand can help. Regardless of the strange gender-focused points and anti-snot fixing I would recommend this to anyone going through the death of a loved one.
January 24, 2023
A book “suitable for both the bereaved and their support team”. The book explains what to expect emotionally and psychologically from the first day through to the first year” of losing a loved one and goes into depth explaining the grief process.
A good book for a starting point for understanding grief and point of reference to aid helping family and friends through the grief process. Although, I don’t agree it’s not helpful to provide Reassurance to those grieving. Everyone grieves differently and sometimes people do need that reassurance- it’s not their fault, time will heal and it’s ok to be sad and never underestimate a warm friendly hug! ⭐️⭐️⭐️
A good book for a starting point for understanding grief and point of reference to aid helping family and friends through the grief process. Although, I don’t agree it’s not helpful to provide Reassurance to those grieving. Everyone grieves differently and sometimes people do need that reassurance- it’s not their fault, time will heal and it’s ok to be sad and never underestimate a warm friendly hug! ⭐️⭐️⭐️
March 11, 2021
Great little book with practical and easy ideas on how to cope and work one's way through grief. I am currently coming up on the year mark of losing my father during this COVID19 pandemic. I know I am not the only one grieving during this difficult time either, so if you need some helpful tool, I recommend this book. . This book was a helpful, comforting little read just at the right time.
October 17, 2024
Short and practical, this book describes the universal experience of grief - specifically after the death of a loved one.
I found comfort in the snippets of my own experiences reflected in this book - how cloudy I felt the weeks after my brother’s death, and how people will grieve in a way that resonates with how they live. And ultimately that grief is a form of love.
I found comfort in the snippets of my own experiences reflected in this book - how cloudy I felt the weeks after my brother’s death, and how people will grieve in a way that resonates with how they live. And ultimately that grief is a form of love.
May 30, 2017
There were a lot of answers here to help one through the grief healing process and how we each experience it differently. also that grief isnt limited to the loss of a loved one but also many other traumatic events.
September 2, 2018
A very sensible, no nonsense book aimed at helping those who are grieving and those who care for them. I needed to read this book and gained a lot from it. Will recommend to other family members and friends.
February 23, 2023
Would be a good recommendation for a client earlier on in their grief as a quick resource for reducing self-judgment over their grieving process. Quick and easy read. Helps normals the grieving process which is important for those within their first two years of acute grief.
December 25, 2023
Super helpful. Small bite size sections in each chapter making it very easy to read and digest.
Focus was big around loss of someone in death and how to support that. That’s not exactly my situation but yet I found it very helpful and applicable.
Focus was big around loss of someone in death and how to support that. That’s not exactly my situation but yet I found it very helpful and applicable.
April 10, 2024
Book could not decide between being for grief counsellors, those grieving or parents of children grieving. Left me as a griever confused. Not helpful. Recommend just calling Griefline or Beyond Blue and linking in to their online resources.
February 10, 2020
I should have had this book years ago for my own wellbeing. I read it out purely out of curiosity but I think it would be really helpful for assisting others going through these tough times.
October 23, 2021
Extremely helpful and very informative
November 4, 2021
Short but sweet
January 10, 2022
(Fifth edition)
Really helpful guide with practical examples of how to help yourself and others grieving.
Explanations of physical as well as emotional responses help to show how varied grief is.
Really helpful guide with practical examples of how to help yourself and others grieving.
Explanations of physical as well as emotional responses help to show how varied grief is.
Read
April 13, 2022I read the 5th edition, which GoodReads doesn't include.
September 4, 2022
Helpful in small ways.
Read
September 17, 2022Very good primer that obviously cuts through a lot of natural misunderstandings about death and grieving experiences.
February 2, 2023
Worthwhile read
September 18, 2016
I’m not really one for reading self-help books, and indeed the fact that after blogging everything I’ve read since 2007 I’ve had to introduce the category just for this book is an indication of that…
But Coping with Grief was there at the library when I was browsing for audio books to listen to on my daily trip to Keysborough to visit my father in aged care, and I thought, why not, maybe there’s something to learn. It’s many years since I read Kubler-Ross on the stages of grief, a book which was not a self-help book but rather an explanation of the process, one which I have recognised in myself in different contexts as well as in others around me:
1.Denial – The first reaction is denial. In this stage individuals believe the diagnosis is somehow mistaken, and cling to a false, preferable reality.
2.Anger – When the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue, they become frustrated, especially at proximate individuals. Certain psychological responses of a person undergoing this phase would be: “Why me? It’s not fair!”; “How can this happen to me?”; ‘”Who is to blame?”; “Why would this happen?”.
3.Bargaining – The third stage involves the hope that the individual can avoid a cause of grief. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. People facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek compromise.
4.Depression – “I’m so sad, why bother with anything?”; “I’m going to die soon, so what’s the point?”; “I miss my loved one, why go on?”
During the fourth stage, the individual despairs at the recognition of their mortality. In this state, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time mournful and sullen.
5.Acceptance – “It’s going to be okay.”; “I can’t fight it, I may as well prepare for it.”
In this last stage, individuals embrace mortality or inevitable future, or that of a loved one, or other tragic event. People dying may precede the survivors in this state, which typically comes with a calm, retrospective view for the individual, and a stable condition of emotions. (Wikipedia, viewed 18/9/16).
Coping With Grief talks about these aspects of grieving, but also covers the difficult first year, physical reactions, the funeral and children.
To read the rest of my review please visit https://anzlitlovers.com/2016/09/18/c...
But Coping with Grief was there at the library when I was browsing for audio books to listen to on my daily trip to Keysborough to visit my father in aged care, and I thought, why not, maybe there’s something to learn. It’s many years since I read Kubler-Ross on the stages of grief, a book which was not a self-help book but rather an explanation of the process, one which I have recognised in myself in different contexts as well as in others around me:
1.Denial – The first reaction is denial. In this stage individuals believe the diagnosis is somehow mistaken, and cling to a false, preferable reality.
2.Anger – When the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue, they become frustrated, especially at proximate individuals. Certain psychological responses of a person undergoing this phase would be: “Why me? It’s not fair!”; “How can this happen to me?”; ‘”Who is to blame?”; “Why would this happen?”.
3.Bargaining – The third stage involves the hope that the individual can avoid a cause of grief. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. People facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek compromise.
4.Depression – “I’m so sad, why bother with anything?”; “I’m going to die soon, so what’s the point?”; “I miss my loved one, why go on?”
During the fourth stage, the individual despairs at the recognition of their mortality. In this state, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time mournful and sullen.
5.Acceptance – “It’s going to be okay.”; “I can’t fight it, I may as well prepare for it.”
In this last stage, individuals embrace mortality or inevitable future, or that of a loved one, or other tragic event. People dying may precede the survivors in this state, which typically comes with a calm, retrospective view for the individual, and a stable condition of emotions. (Wikipedia, viewed 18/9/16).
Coping With Grief talks about these aspects of grieving, but also covers the difficult first year, physical reactions, the funeral and children.
To read the rest of my review please visit https://anzlitlovers.com/2016/09/18/c...
July 3, 2019
Very easy to read. Read in short time as need some pointers to grieve a sudden loss and will use this information to grieve two losses yet to come in the near future. Probably needs a re-read later as well.
January 31, 2025
I have just read this book at a crossroads in my life, feeling so utterly lonely in my grief. At first, I was unsure if it would be of any help, as I thought it was geared more towards grief from the loss of a loved one, rather than my own slightly disenfranchised loss of my first job. Very thankfully, I was proven wrong.
This slim little volume of a book packs enough practical self-help tools that I feel I can apply in my unique grief. It isn't patronising, and yet at the same time hopeful enough in a way that reminds me of a warm, gentle hug. It accepts that we humans can grieve for just about anything, and that's okay.
We just gotta give ourselves time.
This slim little volume of a book packs enough practical self-help tools that I feel I can apply in my unique grief. It isn't patronising, and yet at the same time hopeful enough in a way that reminds me of a warm, gentle hug. It accepts that we humans can grieve for just about anything, and that's okay.
We just gotta give ourselves time.
February 5, 2019
A short, straightforward, and extremely practical guide to handling grief in yourself and others. Lessons learnt:
* don’t try and stop people from grieving, it is a necessary process
* don’t set time limits on how long grieving should take, everyone is different
* grieving is not linear, there are good and bad days, and people may be sadder later rather than earlier
* let any anger associated with grieving happen naturally and passively, encouraging people to act out their anger only forms habits
* don’t try and stop people from grieving, it is a necessary process
* don’t set time limits on how long grieving should take, everyone is different
* grieving is not linear, there are good and bad days, and people may be sadder later rather than earlier
* let any anger associated with grieving happen naturally and passively, encouraging people to act out their anger only forms habits
July 15, 2016
What a great read on the topic of grief and loss. Informative, down to earth, no beating around the bush or plastered with rose coloured glasses. It is what it is. Both as a professional support person and a person experiencing grief, this book was worth reading from cover to cover. Thankyou to Mal and Dianne McKissock who have devoted their lives to a career of bereavement counselling.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 34 reviews