Healing the Adult Sibling's Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas After Your Brother or Sister Dies

by Alan D. Wolfelt

Compassionate and heartfelt, this collection offers 100 practical ideas to help understand and accept the passing of a sibling in order to practice self-healing. The principles of grief and mourning are clearly defined, accompanied by action-oriented tips for embracing bereavement. Whether a sibling has died as a young or older adult or the death was sudden or anticipated, this resource provides a healthy approach to dealing with the aftermath.

Genres: Grief, Self Help, Psychology, Health, Nonfiction

128 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2008

Reviews

[Allyson Gilliam]

Nothing “new” per say, but did have some good takeaways and reflection moments. I also appreciate the niche nature of the book as there are very few books out there about sibling loss.
As with most grief books, this one covers its bases to touch on each difference nuance/example of sibling loss in order to give advice (ie.. you were close to them, you weren’t close to them ; they were your twin ; they died suddenly, they didn’t die suddenly ; they were older, they were younger ; they were MUCH older, they were MUCH younger, etc.) so naturally there were parts that weren’t as applicable. But good that so much was covered and something for everyone.

The chapters were short and ended with a sweet Carpe Diem tip, action item, or thought question which was nice.


The only thing that kind of threw me off was the frequent use of ‘spouse,’ and the usage of very specific pronouns.

Re: Spouse // It’s almost as though the author wrote it assuming everyone reading it will be married, I guess since its target audience is “adult siblings.” Is that what male boomers (the author) expect, that all adults WILL be married lmao ? There are many, many instances where it specifically uses ‘spouse’ when giving suggestions, rather than ‘IF you have a spouse,’ or ‘IF you are in a relationship’ you can try XZY to help them out!” It’s a small thing, but it was noticeable enough that I feel that could quickly alienate (or annoy) people who do not have a spouse.

Re: pronouns // In the Carpe Diem sections there were ideas for things to do and he frequently chose a specific pronoun for you in his example.
Such as: “This week call your best friend and tell her you love her! Be honest and tell her exactly what you need. This will be helpful to her.” (What if your best friend is he/him or they/them? I get that you could still apply it, but just weird that he chose to be so specific.)
Another (of many): “This week text your family member and tell him you miss him. Ask him how the loss has impacted his life.”
It becomes hard to visualize using that in your own mind/life when the pronoun is picked for you. (Me: “wait which male family member do I text? He died lol”)

Anyways. TLDR: the examples and advice would have been greatly improved by simply using more inclusive and general wording.

[Brooke · Rating 5 out of 5]

I lost my brother in March, this book has been very validating and comforting to me. I will definitely refer back to it in the future when I need it, it'll be a helpful resource to have on my bookshelf.

[Shannon Hall · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is pretty much exactly what it says it is—100 ideas to actively mourn a death in your family. It was a quick, easy read and wasn't anything groundbreaking, but it's nice to have some thoughtful ideas all in one place for when you need to release or work through some emotions. I'll be returning to it for sure.

[Meleah Bowles · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed the easy to read format. The main takeaways are that grief is difficult and sometimes ugly, and that you must be kind to yourself. That's not necessarily groundbreaking, but I don't think you can hear it too much. The advice follows through on the promise of practicality. I highlighted several ideas and dog-eared a few pages to refer back to later.

A handful of the ideas are in some way religious with a nod toward spiritual folks. Not so relevant if you're less metaphysical, but easy to skip over.

[tatiana · Rating 2 out of 5]

this was kind of generic— fine to skim through but probs a not-recommend. seems like the author does this series with similar prompts for a bunch of losses (losing a spouse/ a child/ etc.) didn’t really seem that they themselves lost a sibling or if they did, didn’t seem too tailored to that despite the title. finally, quite a bit about god & heaven so if that isn’t your jam— skip.

[Sharma Brenneman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book helped me so much when I lost my younger brother to cancer. Very insightful.

[Cynthia Hall · Rating 5 out of 5]

The sample that I read has made me want to buy this book.

[Paola · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book really helped me understand my feelings when my sister passed. It has helpful ideas and ways to process my emotions

[bryn · Rating 3 out of 5]

i cried lol i’m not religious so some of it wasn’t for me but it was very validating. pretty average advice but a quick read.

[Rev Z · Rating 4 out of 5]

The cover of this book claims “compassionate advice and simple activities to help you through the loss of your sibling” and that description fits. Wolfelt has authored many other publications on grief and mourning; he is an acknowledged grief expert. Although Wolfelt is very good about emphasizing the unique nature of each person’s grief, he does not mention the latest research on resilience; see my review on The Other Side of Sadness by George Bonanno for more details on this normal trait found in the majority of us. This is a telling omission and especially important in the incomplete listing found in Idea #96, Let Go of Destructive Myths About Grief and Mourning.
As the title states, this action-oriented guide is specifically languaged for the death of a sibling; however, the ideas apply equally as well to many other losses. I particularly like the Carpe Diem (seize the day) invitations on the bottom of each page.

[Irisis Miranda Wolfe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Honestly even if I don't use the tips and advice given in this book I still very much appreciate it. It helped me somewhat at a time where nothing else was helping. Today was my first birthday without my brother and because he was at work last year on my birthday and I didn't see him it made today a little more bearable. I only had one wish when I blew out my candles and that was to see my brother again.

[Chris · Rating 3 out of 5]

A friend sent this to me after the loss of a sibling & it has been a very helpful aid to me as I work my way through the grieving process.

[MKF · Rating 4 out of 5]

The sad reality that a book understands me so much better then those in my life. A wonderful, emotional book though some of the activities and exercises are not for everyone.