What Drowns the Flowers in Your Mouth: A Memoir of Brotherhood

by Rigoberto González

Burdened by poverty, illiteracy, and vulnerability as Mexican immigrants to California's Coachella Valley, three generations of González men turn to vices or withdraw into depression. As brothers Rigoberto and Alex grow to manhood, they are haunted by the traumas of their mother's early death, their lonely youth, their father's desertion, and their grandfather's invective. Rigoberto's success in escaping―first to college and then by becoming a writer―is blighted by his struggles with alcohol and abusive relationships, while Alex contends with difficult family relations, his own rocky marriage, and fatherhood.

Descending into a dark emotional space that compromises their mental and physical health, the brothers eventually find hope in aiding each other. This is an honest and revealing window into the complexities of Latino masculinity, the private lives of men, and the ways they build strength under the weight of grief, loss, and despair.

Genres: LGBT, Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography, Mental Health, Queer

208 pages, Hardcover

First published March 13, 2018

Reviews

[Kate]

2019 national book critics awards shortlist via 5books.com

[Linda Doyle · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Life was hard with family but life was harder without it." So writes Gonzalez in this memoir where he discusses, with candor, his parents, family, growing up in Mexico and the Coachella Valley, surviving poverty, and his adulthood in New York. He especially focuses on the relationship with his brother. Gonzalez is the older brother anyone would want. He is caring and provides emotional and financial support to his younger brother, who in turn offers love and understanding when Gonzalez reveals to him that he is gay. Yet, Gonzalez pulls away from his family because he resents his neglectful, self-absorbed father, and because he fears they will reject him if they find out he's gay.

Despite his mixed feelings about his family, Gonzalez writes lovingly of them while sharing his good and bad memories. It's a touching memoir, and I enjoyed it. I only wish that the author hadn't waited until the last chapter to share the more positive memories of his father.

[Lawrence Gordon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Universal Themes

The author's life is completely different than mine, yet universal themes of family and belonging are relatable. The prose is written skillfully and I highly recommend this book.

[Susan Kurth · Rating 1 out of 5]

I read a LOT of memoirs and this one was disappointing. The author mentions that his mother died when he was quite young but almost in passing, so there's no understanding of what she died of, how long she was sick, etc. He says that it was a huge blow but never describes HOW it made him feel. He talks about his father abandoning him and his younger brother when he (father) left them in the care of their grandparents and went away to marry a woman who already had her own sons. The grandfather was harsh and mean but the author never explores how it made him feel -- in fact, the whole book was written in such a detached and almost clinical manner that I never felt that I was "in his shoes" so to speak.

I just recently read "Change Me Into Zeus's Daughter" by Barbara Moss and it was 1,000 times better than this book. She made me feel as if I were right there with her and her siblings. The best thing I can say about THIS book was that it was short.

[Gayla Bassham · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book didn't particularly speak to me, but it feels churlish to give a bad review to a book this heartfelt and real. And the author's writing is great. So I will just say that this book came to me at the wrong moment in my life for me to appreciate it.

[Bev · Rating 5 out of 5]

My heart kept moving to my throat as I read this. One of the best books I’ve read this year.

[Sarita · Rating 5 out of 5]

Magical. In every sense of the word. Rigoberto's writing is fantastic.

[Mikaela. S · Rating 5 out of 5]

This ended up being required reading for school and I am glad they picked it. Rigoberto’s prose was amazing and I thank the author for sharing his story with us.

[Rylee Whiteside · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not my usual type of book/a book that I would have picked myself, but I read it for school and actually really enjoyed it! Very thought provoking