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How to Travel Light: My Memories of Madness and Melancholia
Diagnosed as bipolar at twenty-three, a young journalist struggles for a decade, fighting a cycle of depression and euphoria. In this unique journey, we visit former loves and eccentric fellow sufferers, mental health institutions and Benares. We relive his moments with Diana Eck and Deepika Padukone-and his reckonings with past wounds. Part confession, part joyride and wholly enjoyable, this riveting debut announces a formidable new talent. Nevatia is a master storyteller, empathetic, intelligent and witty. Here is the story of owning your narrative, no matter how difficult and complicated it is. Here is How to Travel Light.
248 pages, Paperback
First published October 25, 2017
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January 5, 2018
My review of journalist-editor Shreevatsa Nevatia's book, 'How to Travel Light: 'My Memories of Madness and Melancholia', where he writes about what it means to be suffering from bipolar disorder in India. (Vani via Quint)
July 2007, a young man opens his eyes to find himself tied to a hospital bed. “You are bipolar,” he is told a little later – a revelation that will change the course of the rest of his life.
How to Travel Light: My Memories of Madness and Melancholia is journalist-editor Shreevatsa Nevatia’s roller coaster journey through depression and mania to find lucidity and perhaps, a sense of closure to his painful past. “The only thing that I pursue and seek now is a whole lot of fun,” he tells me over an email – doesn’t sound like much of a problem to me, except, happiness seems to have eluded him, at least till now.
Describing his experience of writing his memoir as cathartic, Shreevatsa doesn’t mince words in telling me how light and better it makes him feel to let it all out of his system. This, among other things, includes stories of sexual abuse that left him feeling angry, and served to further aggravate his bipolar tendencies. “Under warm blankets and hot showers, I started admonishing a world that had wronged me. My adolescence came to be subsumed by a single, stubborn question – why me?” he says of his initiation to sex at a tender age of eight.
Poignant, yet fascinating, Shreevatsa’s story is one of resilience and perseverance in the face of inner demons – he has been fighting them for over a decade now. “I walk the line and keep my nose clean. I feel I can better understand my mind now, and that helps me better manage my condition,” he tells me. However, it is not always as easy as it sounds. “Every once in a while when there is an imbalance of chemicals in my brain, my mood swings wildly. I find myself euphoric. This euphoria or mania worsens until treated, and is followed by a crash.”
A crash? – As in a mood swing?
“A crash as I now understand it is a debilitating depression,” he answers, and adds how one needs a proper diagnosis to understand that terms such as sadness, depression, mania, elation, fear and paranoia are all different things. “At any given point in time, it would be hard for us laymen to distinguish biological distress from everyday emotional upheaval (or what we call mood swings). That’s where the therapist, psychoanalyst or psychiatrist comes in.”
These phases of “crash” or “debilitating depression” have seen Shreevatsa do strange things – break up with his girlfriends, disrupt office meetings, fall out with his colleagues, smoke cannabis, and, almost always – hurl abuses at his parents. Here is an excerpt from the book:
“My mania followed a defined pattern. In the days of its early onset, I would invariably have long, funny and winding conversations with my mother at five in the morning. I would sneak up on my father and hug him from behind. This affection, though, would soon be punctured by sudden flares of an unforgiving rage. I would accuse my parents of apathy, neglect and even malice. I would demand that we separate, and I would insist I never wanted to see them again. Choosing exile over dependence, I would leave home. I would hit where it hurt.”
Of his affliction, he quotes a friend as saying: “…the trouble with your mania is that we see another Shreevatsa we never knew existed, and the trouble with the depressed Shreevatsa is that he is nothing like the affable Shreevatsa we loved.”
And yet, it is his support system of friends, family and colleagues who have all come forward to help him time and again – that, when they probably don’t even understand what he is going through. “When I suffered mania for the first time, my friends and family did not know what had come over me,” he says. “Everything I said was exaggerated and some of what I did was even dangerous. Once enough alarm bells had rung, they took me to the doctors who were able to tell me what was wrong. Since then, they have grown more familiar to my reason, and its sudden lack is now easy for my support system to detect.’
For one whose version cannot be completely relied upon (a psychotic subject is an unreliable narrator, he says in the book!), Shreevatsa’s narration is lucid, straightforward and barenaked honest. The book is episodic with a non-linear narrative, and I wonder if that was how he chose to write it. “Themes, I felt, explained my life better than chronology,” he tells me, “and that’s why I chose to forsake linearity.”
As I end the book, I only wonder if years of therapy and rehab have done him any good. Have they improved his connection with the outer world, for instance? “Mania does a strange thing,” he tells me. “On the one hand, your attention sharpens, and you feel like you have come to possess an impossible alacrity. On the other, however, it becomes impossible for you to hold that grand, new attention. My manic flirtations with social media are proof of that fact. My expansiveness also costs me my relationships. I cannot sometimes concentrate hard enough. Now that I feel I have been able to arrive at a semblance of stability, I like moderation in all my worlds, those virtual and real.” Need we ask anything more?
This article is also available to read at this link: https://goo.gl/UwALrj
For my other articles/ book reviews, please log on to: www.vaniauthor.com
July 2007, a young man opens his eyes to find himself tied to a hospital bed. “You are bipolar,” he is told a little later – a revelation that will change the course of the rest of his life.
How to Travel Light: My Memories of Madness and Melancholia is journalist-editor Shreevatsa Nevatia’s roller coaster journey through depression and mania to find lucidity and perhaps, a sense of closure to his painful past. “The only thing that I pursue and seek now is a whole lot of fun,” he tells me over an email – doesn’t sound like much of a problem to me, except, happiness seems to have eluded him, at least till now.
Describing his experience of writing his memoir as cathartic, Shreevatsa doesn’t mince words in telling me how light and better it makes him feel to let it all out of his system. This, among other things, includes stories of sexual abuse that left him feeling angry, and served to further aggravate his bipolar tendencies. “Under warm blankets and hot showers, I started admonishing a world that had wronged me. My adolescence came to be subsumed by a single, stubborn question – why me?” he says of his initiation to sex at a tender age of eight.
Poignant, yet fascinating, Shreevatsa’s story is one of resilience and perseverance in the face of inner demons – he has been fighting them for over a decade now. “I walk the line and keep my nose clean. I feel I can better understand my mind now, and that helps me better manage my condition,” he tells me. However, it is not always as easy as it sounds. “Every once in a while when there is an imbalance of chemicals in my brain, my mood swings wildly. I find myself euphoric. This euphoria or mania worsens until treated, and is followed by a crash.”
A crash? – As in a mood swing?
“A crash as I now understand it is a debilitating depression,” he answers, and adds how one needs a proper diagnosis to understand that terms such as sadness, depression, mania, elation, fear and paranoia are all different things. “At any given point in time, it would be hard for us laymen to distinguish biological distress from everyday emotional upheaval (or what we call mood swings). That’s where the therapist, psychoanalyst or psychiatrist comes in.”
These phases of “crash” or “debilitating depression” have seen Shreevatsa do strange things – break up with his girlfriends, disrupt office meetings, fall out with his colleagues, smoke cannabis, and, almost always – hurl abuses at his parents. Here is an excerpt from the book:
“My mania followed a defined pattern. In the days of its early onset, I would invariably have long, funny and winding conversations with my mother at five in the morning. I would sneak up on my father and hug him from behind. This affection, though, would soon be punctured by sudden flares of an unforgiving rage. I would accuse my parents of apathy, neglect and even malice. I would demand that we separate, and I would insist I never wanted to see them again. Choosing exile over dependence, I would leave home. I would hit where it hurt.”
Of his affliction, he quotes a friend as saying: “…the trouble with your mania is that we see another Shreevatsa we never knew existed, and the trouble with the depressed Shreevatsa is that he is nothing like the affable Shreevatsa we loved.”
And yet, it is his support system of friends, family and colleagues who have all come forward to help him time and again – that, when they probably don’t even understand what he is going through. “When I suffered mania for the first time, my friends and family did not know what had come over me,” he says. “Everything I said was exaggerated and some of what I did was even dangerous. Once enough alarm bells had rung, they took me to the doctors who were able to tell me what was wrong. Since then, they have grown more familiar to my reason, and its sudden lack is now easy for my support system to detect.’
For one whose version cannot be completely relied upon (a psychotic subject is an unreliable narrator, he says in the book!), Shreevatsa’s narration is lucid, straightforward and barenaked honest. The book is episodic with a non-linear narrative, and I wonder if that was how he chose to write it. “Themes, I felt, explained my life better than chronology,” he tells me, “and that’s why I chose to forsake linearity.”
As I end the book, I only wonder if years of therapy and rehab have done him any good. Have they improved his connection with the outer world, for instance? “Mania does a strange thing,” he tells me. “On the one hand, your attention sharpens, and you feel like you have come to possess an impossible alacrity. On the other, however, it becomes impossible for you to hold that grand, new attention. My manic flirtations with social media are proof of that fact. My expansiveness also costs me my relationships. I cannot sometimes concentrate hard enough. Now that I feel I have been able to arrive at a semblance of stability, I like moderation in all my worlds, those virtual and real.” Need we ask anything more?
This article is also available to read at this link: https://goo.gl/UwALrj
For my other articles/ book reviews, please log on to: www.vaniauthor.com
Read
September 3, 2022DNF @ 67%
I don't know what irritated me more: the pretentious snobby tone of this book, or my circumstances in which I chose to read this. Either way, I'm annoyed and this book is going into the symbolic dumpster. Arigato
I don't know what irritated me more: the pretentious snobby tone of this book, or my circumstances in which I chose to read this. Either way, I'm annoyed and this book is going into the symbolic dumpster. Arigato
January 5, 2019
This is a memoir of madness and melancholia. Very fine reading. Further the book has many references of other Authors/Books since Shreevatsa is voracious reader (I am particularly very much interested in the books that Authors are reading).
The books mentioned in the BOOK are:
Boyhood Island by Knausgaard,
A happy death by Camus,
Three books of Diana L. Eck,
Ka by Calasso,
Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera
Blind Assassin by Atwood,
And many more.
The books mentioned in the BOOK are:
Boyhood Island by Knausgaard,
A happy death by Camus,
Three books of Diana L. Eck,
Ka by Calasso,
Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera
Blind Assassin by Atwood,
And many more.
August 29, 2018
This was deeply moving and unsettling, and many parts of it hit home. TW for CSA.
December 26, 2017
This is the memoir of a childhood friend of mine with whom I have not had much recent contact. Shreevatsa’s book is a remarkable chronicle, and unflinchingly - maybe even flagellatingly - written. An emotionally exhausting, but wonderfully educational and engaging read.
Heartbreaking conversations and events are recounted, some of them as recent as a few months prior to publishing. For me, his struggles with the mental healthcare support systems in India were eye-opening. I found the time-hopping a slightly disorienting narrative device, and the somewhat prolix style perhaps the forgivable exuberance of a first-time author.
Ultimately though, this book is an origin story not an outcome story, and I am left curious to see how he will proceed in the future with his hard-won victory over substances and circumstance. It is also a story of a durable and resilient network of family and friends around the world, a few of whom I have been fortunate to know personally.
It takes many boatloads of courage to bare oneself to the world as Shreevatsa has in this book - I hope the first of many. I am grateful he chose to share his story with us.
Heartbreaking conversations and events are recounted, some of them as recent as a few months prior to publishing. For me, his struggles with the mental healthcare support systems in India were eye-opening. I found the time-hopping a slightly disorienting narrative device, and the somewhat prolix style perhaps the forgivable exuberance of a first-time author.
Ultimately though, this book is an origin story not an outcome story, and I am left curious to see how he will proceed in the future with his hard-won victory over substances and circumstance. It is also a story of a durable and resilient network of family and friends around the world, a few of whom I have been fortunate to know personally.
It takes many boatloads of courage to bare oneself to the world as Shreevatsa has in this book - I hope the first of many. I am grateful he chose to share his story with us.
December 13, 2019
I know a couple of people who are bipolar. Though i got to spend very little time with them, it was close and intimate. Reading this book gave so much insight into a bipolar person’s life.
Beautiful written. Very powerful work.
Beautiful written. Very powerful work.
April 26, 2020
A poignant yet riveting memoir by Shreevatsa Nevatia. His candid narrative style is highly captivating and informs the reader about Bipolar and its maladies. As he says "confession is more cathartic" and such examples may help the society to be more receptive of people with psychological disorders.
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March 22, 2019I found so much solace in the book. Having suffered the consequences of Bipolarity myself, I found the book highly relatable. And not just that, I found it to be very insightful. I recommend it to people who want to understand their condition better and also to the caregivers. And in general, anybody whoever wishes to understand the highs and lows, this is an excellent book to be in their shoes.
December 23, 2017
An exposition of a bipolar person's struggle with himself. An interesting read that left me a lot to think about. A lot of literary references to tag on.
I'll probably read it once more.
I'll probably read it once more.
November 27, 2021
I remember reading about the book back when it released in 2017. Since then, it's been at the back of my mind. For some or the other reason, I could not lay my hands on a copy of it. And now in 2021 at a book fair, the moment I saw it, I knew I had to pick it up.
4 years later, when I finally completed reading it last night, I knew that the universe was conspiring for the right moment for me to have it. The complexities of one's mind and the daily battles one is a part of has been described to the tee. Four years back it may have been a little difficult, considering the phase of life I was in. But today, I can say I had ringside view of being bipolar in India.
Having known someone who has been a part of the ups and downs of being bipolar, and having had first hand experiences, it was more like living the same through Shrivatsa, once again.
I admire the fact that the author chose to wear his heart on his sleeve when he decided to write this book. It isn't an easy task for someone to write about his experience while strapped to the bed at a mental health centre.
As a reader, I travelled with the author through his bright and dark days. There were moments I felt helpless, moments of melancholy and at times even wry humour.
It remains an essential read for anyone who wants to understand what being bipolar in India could entail. It's not just about a mental health condition, though. It's a tale of how a person learns swimming when thrown into the middle of the sea. Not everyone can do it but Shreevatsa Nevatia did and lived to tell the tale.
I wish more people read this to understand how people around us could be in the middle of thousands of battles while we may hardly be aware of the murky surface. It's not an easy read, but definitely a worthwhile one
4 years later, when I finally completed reading it last night, I knew that the universe was conspiring for the right moment for me to have it. The complexities of one's mind and the daily battles one is a part of has been described to the tee. Four years back it may have been a little difficult, considering the phase of life I was in. But today, I can say I had ringside view of being bipolar in India.
Having known someone who has been a part of the ups and downs of being bipolar, and having had first hand experiences, it was more like living the same through Shrivatsa, once again.
I admire the fact that the author chose to wear his heart on his sleeve when he decided to write this book. It isn't an easy task for someone to write about his experience while strapped to the bed at a mental health centre.
As a reader, I travelled with the author through his bright and dark days. There were moments I felt helpless, moments of melancholy and at times even wry humour.
It remains an essential read for anyone who wants to understand what being bipolar in India could entail. It's not just about a mental health condition, though. It's a tale of how a person learns swimming when thrown into the middle of the sea. Not everyone can do it but Shreevatsa Nevatia did and lived to tell the tale.
I wish more people read this to understand how people around us could be in the middle of thousands of battles while we may hardly be aware of the murky surface. It's not an easy read, but definitely a worthwhile one
May 9, 2018
I wanted to give four stars to this book for the writer's honesty and integrity and for the strength he has shown is discussing personal and traumatic issues on a public forum. For that, I recommend this book. I will also definitely revisit the lovely and erudite discussions of movies and books scattered across this memoir. This book is a really good example of the charm and dangers of self-administered bibliotherapy. It is a stark portrayal of how mental illness and substance abuse form a terrible cocktail. Particularly important are his experiences in mental institutions in India and his experiences with mental health practitioners.
My problem, so to speak, is with the repetition of themes and topics. Let me add, that, though there are patterns repeated through the book, it is never boring. Perhaps this reflects the repeat cycles of mania and depression that the author goes through, but, what could have given a foundation to the book became a constraint because the writer refused to connect his personal experiences to a larger picture. Also, the reference to the title is so subtle that I almost missed it.
All in all, its a book worth reading for its virtues outweigh its problems and also because it is a fast-paced book that will jar you out of complacency.
My problem, so to speak, is with the repetition of themes and topics. Let me add, that, though there are patterns repeated through the book, it is never boring. Perhaps this reflects the repeat cycles of mania and depression that the author goes through, but, what could have given a foundation to the book became a constraint because the writer refused to connect his personal experiences to a larger picture. Also, the reference to the title is so subtle that I almost missed it.
All in all, its a book worth reading for its virtues outweigh its problems and also because it is a fast-paced book that will jar you out of complacency.
September 20, 2020
How to travel light
'Vincent Van Gogh, Winston Churchill, Emily Dickinson, Sylvia Plath, Leo Tolstoy, Ernest Hemingway, Virginia Woolf- what do these people have in common? They were all bipolar, all manic depressives.
It again raises questions on our understanding of the disorder and what all responsibilities we as a society holds?
I was reluctant to read any depression-related books, presuming that it will act as an impetus to any existing sadness inside me. After all, we all have been there or have known someone combating with a nervous breakdown at some point in our life. And reading this book only has helped me to put into the shoes of the author" Shreevatsa Nevatia". It's a candid and original memoir of a life that so many of us poorly understands. "
It raises questions on our understanding of the disorder and what all responsibilities we as a society holds? Not just as a contributor to the resources and economy but also the happiness quotient of each other. The way the author has described this journey is cathartic and will surely lead you to a path, from where you just come out more "affectionate."
Highly recommended
'Vincent Van Gogh, Winston Churchill, Emily Dickinson, Sylvia Plath, Leo Tolstoy, Ernest Hemingway, Virginia Woolf- what do these people have in common? They were all bipolar, all manic depressives.
It again raises questions on our understanding of the disorder and what all responsibilities we as a society holds?
I was reluctant to read any depression-related books, presuming that it will act as an impetus to any existing sadness inside me. After all, we all have been there or have known someone combating with a nervous breakdown at some point in our life. And reading this book only has helped me to put into the shoes of the author" Shreevatsa Nevatia". It's a candid and original memoir of a life that so many of us poorly understands. "
It raises questions on our understanding of the disorder and what all responsibilities we as a society holds? Not just as a contributor to the resources and economy but also the happiness quotient of each other. The way the author has described this journey is cathartic and will surely lead you to a path, from where you just come out more "affectionate."
Highly recommended
October 14, 2021
Rating 3/5 -
How to travel light - Sreevatsa Nevatia
This book deals with more or less day to day experiences of Shreevatsa. Shreevatsa who happened to be diagnosed with bipolar in 2007 has published his book, similar to a journal.
I would request discretion as the book contains his thought process which more or less is difficult to decode for everyone.
One the literary front, I do not see much of a story or plot or anything in particular. At the end of the book you just get to be more empathetic or sympathetic (as in my case) towards people who are fighting their own battles in their mind.
I do not want to write about much on the contents of the book or day to day life, but I really appreciate the author for his guts in bringing out the truth as to what runs in his mind, what are his likes, dislikes and few other things.
Overall a difficult read, knowing that you are reading someone else's suffering and you have no power absolutely to be anything else apart from the audience (rather reader).
Cheers,
How to travel light - Sreevatsa Nevatia
This book deals with more or less day to day experiences of Shreevatsa. Shreevatsa who happened to be diagnosed with bipolar in 2007 has published his book, similar to a journal.
I would request discretion as the book contains his thought process which more or less is difficult to decode for everyone.
One the literary front, I do not see much of a story or plot or anything in particular. At the end of the book you just get to be more empathetic or sympathetic (as in my case) towards people who are fighting their own battles in their mind.
I do not want to write about much on the contents of the book or day to day life, but I really appreciate the author for his guts in bringing out the truth as to what runs in his mind, what are his likes, dislikes and few other things.
Overall a difficult read, knowing that you are reading someone else's suffering and you have no power absolutely to be anything else apart from the audience (rather reader).
Cheers,
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 18, 2020
Bought this book in the summer of 2018 after coming across a quote from it that resonated deeply. Having read the first three chapters sparingly over the next year, I pretty much gave up. It wasn’t the book as much as it was my comatose reading habit
Started last week with the aim to finish this, and I have now finished my first full book in half a decade. This was a wonderful and insightful book for this landmark. A peek into a manic mind, there is so much to learn and ponder about after reading the experiences here. The episodic format unpacks the deepest feelings of the author in a manner that you can feel so much of his pain, anger, guilt and finally the semblance of a relatively calm catharsis.
Started last week with the aim to finish this, and I have now finished my first full book in half a decade. This was a wonderful and insightful book for this landmark. A peek into a manic mind, there is so much to learn and ponder about after reading the experiences here. The episodic format unpacks the deepest feelings of the author in a manner that you can feel so much of his pain, anger, guilt and finally the semblance of a relatively calm catharsis.
August 24, 2022
The book is strong. Can impact your thoughts, read with caution.
The book couldn't get my attention in the first 20-30%, so I left it there.
I picked it up again later and completed it.
Flow of the book isn't straight, and juggles between topics, much like how a bi-polar person behaves, a +1 for that.
Got to learn a lot of new words, literature, language-wise it is great too.
Halfway through the book, it really got into my head. I could feel my thoughts becoming similar to that of the author. I guess that is what a good book does to you.
At places, the book lost me and there are still some parts which I still don't understand properly.
Overall a nice read.
The book couldn't get my attention in the first 20-30%, so I left it there.
I picked it up again later and completed it.
Flow of the book isn't straight, and juggles between topics, much like how a bi-polar person behaves, a +1 for that.
Got to learn a lot of new words, literature, language-wise it is great too.
Halfway through the book, it really got into my head. I could feel my thoughts becoming similar to that of the author. I guess that is what a good book does to you.
At places, the book lost me and there are still some parts which I still don't understand properly.
Overall a nice read.
February 27, 2024
By no means an easy book to read. Incredibly poignant and revealing, this is a stark portrait of a condition we misunderstand so efficiently as a community. Even though in places the prose feels slightly difficult to follow, the author evidently has incredible facility with language. Highly recommend reading the book.
February 7, 2025
This book is relatable and more like a mirror than a piece of writing. I actually found myself confused at how someone else had managed to put down emotions that I deeply felt, into words.
Every time I thought of something I found it in the book. Great book for those with mental illness to see that they’re not alone, great book for those without to understand what it’s like.
Every time I thought of something I found it in the book. Great book for those with mental illness to see that they’re not alone, great book for those without to understand what it’s like.
February 18, 2021
A memoir so blatantly honest yet sensetive leads the journey through different phases of bipolar disorder.
August 23, 2022
This was hard to read. You can easily identify how this book must have been written. You can easily experience the pain of madness and melancholia the author was going through.
Read
April 7, 2023brilliant
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