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Ask Me About My Uterus: A Quest to Make Doctors Believe in Women's Pain

Abby Norman

3.94 · Rating details · 2,139 ratings · 387 reviews

For any woman who has experienced illness, chronic pain, or endometriosis comes an inspiring memoir advocating for recognition of women's health issues

In the fall of 2010, Abby Norman's strong dancer's body dropped forty pounds and gray hairs began to sprout from her temples. She was repeatedly hospitalized in excruciating pain, but the doctors insisted it was a urinary tr ...more

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Hardcover, 288 pages

Published March 6th 2018 by Bold Type Books

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Start your review of Ask Me About My Uterus: A Quest to Make Doctors Believe in Women's Pain

Apr 21, 2022 Emily (Books with Emily Fox) rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: audiobooks

While I definitely feel and relate with the author (I also have endo) this book left me feeling more depressed and hopeless than anything.

It's also a memoir so we're following her story and the focus is not on "a quest to make doctors believe in women's pain". ...more

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Dec 05, 2018 Jo (The Book Geek) rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction, inspirational

I initially picked out this book, because it has the word "uterus" in the title. According to some of our society, people actually don't want to talk about uteruses, and it is apparently a taboo subject. For me, I fail to see how on Earth that is even remotely possible. When I began reading this book, I felt like I was listening to a friend, offloading her troubles, to a being that totally understands and more importantly, believes, in women's pain. Many, MANY Doctors and consultants however, do I initially picked out this book, because it has the word "uterus" in the title. According to some of our society, people actually don't want to talk about uteruses, and it is apparently a taboo subject. For me, I fail to see how on Earth that is even remotely possible. When I began reading this book, I felt like I was listening to a friend, offloading her troubles, to a being that totally understands and more importantly, believes, in women's pain. Many, MANY Doctors and consultants however, don't.

This book is a memoir of Abby Norman, and her battle with endometriosis, and the bitter struggle she has had to get any kind of understanding or even recognition of the disease from Doctors. I have PMDD, (premenstrual dysphoric disorder), which is a very severe form of PMS. As well as many physical symptoms, there are a range of emotional ones too, and they are life debilitating. I used to feel weak and pretty pathetic because of the struggles I deal with for two weeks of every month, but now, I'm really unapologetic. If I'm in pain, and I'm finding it hard to deal with, I'll make that known.

Unfortunately, like Abby Norman, I know all too well, that feeling of being shunned by a doctor when you feel so ill. I'm not sexist, but, I've not came across one male doctor yet, that has took me seriously about my condition. The most I've received, is a prescription for some painkillers I've had before, and a closed door. That, is why I stopped seeing male GPs. Not all the female doctors understand and support that there is such a condition, but they definitely would if they were the ones suffering with it. I find it such a sad world, that we, as women, are expected to deal with pain quietly as we are the child bearers, or even worse, we are told, it is all in our heads. We still have to fight to be heard, and that is where the health care system fails us. I mean, why the hell, should we suffer in silence? The belief that being a woman is a preexisting condition is in all aspects wrong, and I'll always argue with anyone with that belief. And yes, just writing this review has set my rage alight!

Abby Norman is a force, and she is an inspiration for women who have suffered with such pain. Uterus, or no uterus, I would definitely recommend this personal and poignant memoir. ...more

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Feb 14, 2018 Heather rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: netgalley, kindle, non-fiction

I was really looking forward to reading this, and now that I'm done with it, I can tell you my excitement was not displaced.

I very much enjoyed certain aspects of it, but also experienced feelings of indifference to it.

At certain times, my attention strayed. I would read several paragraphs before realizing I was not absorbing any of what I had just read. It was quite tedious and repetitive at times, but I believe, in a way, that is a small testament to how the author must have felt (and probabl I was really looking forward to reading this, and now that I'm done with it, I can tell you my excitement was not displaced.

I very much enjoyed certain aspects of it, but also experienced feelings of indifference to it.

At certain times, my attention strayed. I would read several paragraphs before realizing I was not absorbing any of what I had just read. It was quite tedious and repetitive at times, but I believe, in a way, that is a small testament to how the author must have felt (and probably still feels) when she repeatedly told her doctors there was a problem, only to be met with disbelieving exasperation.

Aside from that, I found this book to be a mix of memoir and non-fiction, both that [obviously] pertained to the synopsis. It was more of a memoir than I had originally anticipated, but I believe all of the back story was very necessary to convey her message. It helped me understand and empathize with the author.

This book taught me a lot not just about endometriosis, but self-advocating for physical and mental health symptoms and treatments. The medical jargon was a tad confusing at times, but also very informative. I like when books teach me things, especially things I know nothing about. This book definitely did that, and that is the largest reason why I appreciate it so much.

The writing style was very easy to read and made me feel like the author was having a laid back conversation with me, face-to-face. It felt personal, inviting and informative.

Over all, I'd absolutely recommend this book, if only for the simple fact that I think it's important to know how and when to pay extra attention to the signs your body and mind are giving you, but also how to take a stand against ignorance. To know that when you need help, or simply information, from doctors who don't advocate for you, you need to learn how to advocate for yourself, because no one knows how you feel inside better than you do.

Thank you to NetGalley, Perseus Books, PublicAffairs, Nation Books, and Abby Norman for a digital ARC of this book in exchange for my honest review. Publication intended for March 6, 2018. ...more

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Feb 23, 2018 Erin rated it really liked it

Shelves: non-fiction, kindle, netgalley

Thanks to NetGalley for an advanced ebook in exchange for an honest review. Thank you Abby Norman for your courageous voice in advocating women's health.

Ironically as I write this review, Nelly Furtado's version of Maneater is playing. A song that I feel my fellow Canuck turned into a powerful anthem for women.
In this non fiction/memoir Abby Norman launches the microscope and
takes look at women's health and the author's own personal struggle with endometriosis, Abby Norman explores just ho ...more

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May 12, 2018 Canadian Reader rated it it was ok

Shelves: medicine, human-body-anatomy-and-physiology, autobiography-and-memoir, illness-and-disease, obstetrics-and-gynecology

Rating: 2.5

At the beginning of her second year of college at Sarah Lawrence, Abby Norman experienced excruciating knife-sharp abdominal pain, which eventually took her to the hospital, caused her to withdraw from university, and led to surgery to remove a “chocolate cyst”, a type of ovarian cyst that forms when endometrial tissue (the membrane that lines the uterus) grows inside the ovary. Norman’s battle with endometriosis—with debilitating abdominal and pelvic pain, and eventually, with inexpl Rating: 2.5

At the beginning of her second year of college at Sarah Lawrence, Abby Norman experienced excruciating knife-sharp abdominal pain, which eventually took her to the hospital, caused her to withdraw from university, and led to surgery to remove a “chocolate cyst”, a type of ovarian cyst that forms when endometrial tissue (the membrane that lines the uterus) grows inside the ovary. Norman’s battle with endometriosis—with debilitating abdominal and pelvic pain, and eventually, with inexplicable neurological deficits—was far from over. Her condition did not allow her to return to Sarah Lawrence, but Norman did gain a job as a medical records clerk. This gave her an education of another sort: a medical one. She determinedly read medical texts and journals to understand what was going on in her body. Her research led to a successful surgery to remove a problematic appendix and to the discovery that part of her large intestine was not where it ought to be. Nevertheless, the excessive bleeding and abdominal pain continued. They were life-altering. At the conclusion of the book, Norman finds herself battling other strange symptoms, which at least one medical professional tells her (yet again) are “all in her head”.

Women’s pain, particularly that pain associated with the reproductive organs, is (as Norman repeatedly tells us in this book) all too often regarded as the manifestation of a psychiatric illness. A very significant portion of Norman’s hybrid nonfiction/memoir is dedicated to relating key details of a traumatic and unusual childhood at the hands of a mentally ill, severely eating-disordered mother, who regularly withheld food from her daughter—to the point of near starvation. Norman feels she has reason to deliberate over the link between trauma and physical illness, but ultimately recognizes that, for far too long, real anatomical and physiological bases for women’s pain have been categorically dismissed or left uninvestigated.

While Norman should be lauded for her perseverance and determination in her struggle to understand her condition, seek a cure, and bring attention to a disease that likely plagues more than one in ten women, I do wish her book had received the editorial oversight it needed. Norman has a lively, colloquial style, but she is prone to prolixity. She regularly goes off on unnecessary tangents; she rambles and repeats herself. Her diction is often imprecise—for example: the word “edification” is used when “education” is meant; “particulate” is chosen over the correct “particle”. I grew more and more frustrated as I read, finding the last quarter of the book a particular slog. The organization of the material is also less than optimal.

While I believe there is value in Norman’s book, I cannot recommend it wholeheartedly. I found the medical science the author addressed to be interesting; I only wish there had been more of it. ...more

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Nov 24, 2017 Janday rated it it was amazing

Recommends it for: everyone

Shelves: nonfiction, america-american, biography-memoir, medicine, advance-readers-copy, feminism-womens-studies, my-library, 21st-century

"Even now, it's been so many years since I've lived in a pain-free body that I don't really remember what it feels like."

I'd accuse Abby Norman of plagiarizing me if I didn't wholeheartedly, bone-achingly, gut-wrenchingly, atom-pulsingly believe her. Even though this is a book about endometriosis, everyone should read this book. Norman recounts her own experience with endometriosis and the (seemingly innumerable) complexities related to endometriosis (spoiler: it is not a "menstrual" disease, it ...more

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Feb 22, 2018 Nikki rated it it was ok

Shelves: netgalley, auto-bio-memoir, own-kindle, 2018, ebook, non-fiction, feminism, published-2018

My main issue with this book is that it is poorly written and/or edited. The chapters, and writing in general, are meandering and oftentimes baffling as to why certain writing choices were made. Too often, probably most of the time, the author seemed to want to introduce a story/topic but it was done in such a way that the proceeding content just felt like non sequiturs. In many ways it felt like listening to someone speak that took a million tangents and only sometimes completed their thoughts. My main issue with this book is that it is poorly written and/or edited. The chapters, and writing in general, are meandering and oftentimes baffling as to why certain writing choices were made. Too often, probably most of the time, the author seemed to want to introduce a story/topic but it was done in such a way that the proceeding content just felt like non sequiturs. In many ways it felt like listening to someone speak that took a million tangents and only sometimes completed their thoughts.

The author also makes allusions to her mother's illness and the severity of it but does not even bother to tell us what the illness is until the 24% mark. If you're using it to support your views/statements etc., you should probably be clear on what the illness is. Also, the book summary pretty much gives you the proper information to go into the book that the author does not bother to tell you until well into the book. She does not really make it clear that she is serious about dance until later on and there is no mention of weight loss, gray hairs or a dwindling "dancer's body" until nearly the end. I feel as though all of this should have been clear to the reader from the get-go, sans the help of the book summary, via some sort of prologue or first chapter. The author also spent entirely too much time focusing on her childhood, very weakly trying to tie it into the topic at hand. At the most, the childhood should have been a chapter that could have been alluded to randomly, not large random swathes of discussions dedicated to it throughout. Seriously, where was the editing?

While there was information on the trials and tribulations of being a woman dealing with doctors throughout history, it was minimal IMO and absolutely nothing you have not read if you have read on this topic prior. However, it is the only reason I am (currently) not giving the book 1 star instead of 2. The reason I wanted to read the book was this, which the title implies will be the bulk of the book, but is actually a minimal amount of the pages.

Overall, the book is much more of a rambling, poorly put together memoir than it is a book on "a quest to make doctors believe in women's pain." Bare minimum it was about this particular author's quest, which is quite different IMO than a quest for all women.

Disclosure: ARC received from Netgalley & publisher in exchange for an honest review. (They may regret this.) Any and all quotes were taken from an advanced edition subject to change in the final edition. ...more

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May 06, 2018 Barbara (The Bibliophage) rated it really liked it

Shelves: medical-memoir, own-digital, feminism-and-women-s-studies, 2018, chronic-illness-and-pain, booked2018

Abby Norman tells her often harrowing story with grace in Ask Me About My Uterus. She’s had to make her way through life in pain, and mostly alone. I’m in awe of her courage and fortitude!

Norman spent her childhood with an absent father, and a functionally absent mother who was too sick with her own disease to care for her children. In case that wasn’t hard enough, her abusive grandmother stepped in to care for Abby. Somehow, she survives this and has the unimaginable presence of mind to request Abby Norman tells her often harrowing story with grace in Ask Me About My Uterus. She’s had to make her way through life in pain, and mostly alone. I’m in awe of her courage and fortitude!

Norman spent her childhood with an absent father, and a functionally absent mother who was too sick with her own disease to care for her children. In case that wasn’t hard enough, her abusive grandmother stepped in to care for Abby. Somehow, she survives this and has the unimaginable presence of mind to request emancipation at age sixteen.

As she tells this part of the story, I cheered for her while I was marveling at her teenage grit. Norman moved forward with life, got herself help, and thank goodness, had people who were equipped to offer her safe and healthy shelter.

Amazing as it is, this is only one small segment of Abby Norman’s story. She actually explains her childhood as an adjunct to the excruciating abdominal pain she began experiencing at nineteen. As with many people who experience chronic pain, Norman searches for an explanation. Is it a result of her difficult childhood? Was the neglect an emotional or physical catalyst?

Doctors don’t take her seriously. So finding an explanation isn’t simple cause and effect. Norman begins to do medical and scientific research about endometriosis. Turns out there isn’t much information available, which leads her to examine why women’s pain isn’t addressed effectively or often.

It’s these components—her story and her research—that make up Ask Me About My Uterus. Norman deconstructs each topic with eloquence and care. She acknowledges that each endo patient has a different story, including those from the LGBTQIA+ community. And yet, many pieces of her story are clearly universal to endo and other chronic pain patients.

My conclusions:
As a woman living with chronic pain, I wanted to first bump Norman every page or so. I’m also an adult woman who survived an untraditional upbringing, especially as it related to medical care. More fist bumps for her story and survival.

Abby makes the world of living with invisible illness visible. She puts her uterus, her sex life, her heart and soul on display. And it’s obvious her intention is to help women with endo and other types of chronic pain. She’s a fighter who tells a damn interesting story.

I never felt that Norman was a drama queen looking for sympathy. Instead, her approach was matter of fact and easy to read. She’s solution-oriented and a captivating writer. I’d like to give this book to my doctors. There are also a few doctors in Norman’s story that I’d like to give a piece of my mind. The mom in me wants to charge in and fight for justice. But thankfully, Abby Norman is doing a great job of that in her life and in this book.

Acknowledgements:
Thanks to NetGalley, Abby Norman, and Perseus Books, PublicAffairs, and Nation Books for the digital ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review. ...more

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May 04, 2018 Ashley rated it it was ok

I wanted to like this—after all, I’m super fascinated by the politics of the female body. And while I feel for the author, this book isn’t great. The writing and structure are clunky, and the whole thing is about 100 pages too long. Norman’s writing is best when she’s summarizing medical or historical knowledge, but those moments are often dwarfed by the meandering chunks of memoir. Despite the gorgeous cover and a few interesting tidbits, I’d skip this one in favor of more academic fare.

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Mar 13, 2018 Rhiannon Johnson rated it it was amazing

**In this post I review ASK ME ABOUT MY UTERUS and PERIODS GONE PUBLIC. Publishers have provided complementary copies to me in exchange for honest reviews** .
.
Let's talk about...uteruses/uteri! Yes, those are both acceptable plural forms of 'uterus'. Half the human population has one but *wow* are they controversial! However, regardless of where you stand on hot button issues like birth control and abortion, you probably agree that periods, albeit annoying, aren't very revolutionary. But you are ...more

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Sep 22, 2018 Ashley rated it liked it

Shelves: class-gender-race, feminism-and-sexuality, non-fiction, memoir

I liked this overall, but had a hard time reading it, and it wasn't what I was expecting.

Abby Norman dropped out of college due to debilitating pain she started experiencing one day, and which doctors minimized for years before she finally was semi-diagnosed with Endometriosis (among other things). The title and synopsis of this book makes it seem like more of a book about the relationship between women and doctors, but really this is a memoir that mostly focuses on Abby's medical history, and s I liked this overall, but had a hard time reading it, and it wasn't what I was expecting.

Abby Norman dropped out of college due to debilitating pain she started experiencing one day, and which doctors minimized for years before she finally was semi-diagnosed with Endometriosis (among other things). The title and synopsis of this book makes it seem like more of a book about the relationship between women and doctors, but really this is a memoir that mostly focuses on Abby's medical history, and she sort of extrapolates outward (with help from research, yes) how her journey was affected by (or could have been different than) the way that the medical establishment treats women, and specifically, women in relation to their reproductive systems/sexual organs, and as a result, how under researched Endometriosis is as a condition, and how often misunderstood. She does acknowledge that she is a cis white woman, and that cis women aren't the only ones affected by this, that other people with uteruses (like trans men) are also affected, but again, this is mostly a memoir, and she is white and cis, so that's the focus.

Going in, I was expecting way less of Abby and more of a general exploration of gender/sexual bias in the medical field. The title is really a problem, I think. Framing it as "women's pain" makes it seem like that is the actual topic of the book, when it is just a subtopic, something she deals with as a consequence of her medical history. And really, it is a compelling book, but combined with those expectations, and the fact that her experiences kept giving me anxiety (they related a little too much to some experiences I've had of my own), and the fact that her experiences are just horrific. This woman is in PAIN the whole book. It doesn't let up, and she describes it in detail.

Her abusive childhood is also something that she grapples with the whole book, and is gone into detail. She eventually became emancipated from her family, but not before her manipulative grandmother, and mentally ill mother traumatized her for life.

Occasionally she would step away from her own life and do little mini-history lessons. She relates Gilda Radner's troubles, which horrified me. Gilda knew she was sick for a long time (years) before she was eventually diagnosed with stage IV ovarian cancer , but doctors never believed her, or minimized her pain. She also goes further back than that. There is a lot of nonsense with Freud, and you know what, I'm done with that guy. He was a fuckhead. These were honestly the parts of the book I enjoyed the most.

So, all in all, this book was a good experience, but it wasn't what I was expecting, and the subject matter made me anxious, so it wasn't a super pleasant reading experience.

That cover, though, right? ...more

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Apr 04, 2018 Vanessa rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: nonfiction, feminism, memoir, 2018-new-releases

There's this quote in the book about how conditions that seem to lurk unnoticed in a woman's body go unnoticed by others because, for one thing, they are an assumed part of womanhood, and, for another, women are taught to keep those pains private. This was one of the parts - among many others - that really hit me because it took me almost a decade to realise that there might be something wrong with my body because ever since I was a child I heard that it's normal for periods to be painful to the ...more

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Jul 04, 2019 Siria rated it really liked it

Shelves: nonfiction, science, autobiography, feminism

Ask Me About My Uterus recounts science writer Abby Norman's years-long attempt to get doctors to understand that she is ill. Despite having endometriosis and other debilitating chronic pain conditions, medical professionals have repeatedly dismissed her as a "bright and wound tight" hypochondriac. Norman's story will be familiar in kind, if not in severity, to many women. Studies have repeatedly shown that doctors are less likely to believe women's accounts of their symptoms or suffering.

I foun ...more

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Dec 15, 2017 Lisa rated it liked it

Shelves: readin2017, nonfiction, arc, auto-biographies-and-memoirs

I received an ARC of this title from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

I'm going to be honest and say that I was expecting more from this. I thought it would be more about Norman's health struggles and fights with her doctors. Instead, the constant focus on Norman's horrific childhood were a distraction from that. While her background was important to the story, it felt like there was more focus on it than necessary, turning it into a general memoir by Norman, rather than a medical-focu ...more

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Mar 18, 2018 April rated it really liked it

A cross between a blunt but heart-felt memoir and a medical mystery; Abby delves into life with chronic pain and a medical system which refuses to believe it. I appreciated that she early (and more than once) noted that despite the title; women are not defined by their ownership of a uterus. More than that; as a woman who has had her own medical woes, I recognized and can certainly empathize with the many familiar ways in which Abby has navigated a health care system which has always been Men Fi ...more

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Mar 08, 2018 Alex Linschoten rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: health

A personal story of endometriosis pain mixed in with the meta-tale of how female pain has always been undervalued by a (male-dominated) medical profession. Both parts are interesting, but her writing really shines when she describes the raw sensations in her body as well as her ongoing process of dealing with the fallout. Recommended.

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Jun 02, 2018 Jillian Coleen rated it it was amazing

Shelves: audiobook

I came across Abby Norman’s Ask Me About My Uterus on Bitch Magazine’s list of most anticipated non fiction for 2018 and was immediately interested. A few of the women that I love dearly in my life have been affected by endometriosis, and I’m aware that it’s a challenging disease to both diagnose and treat. Reading this, however, opened my eyes to just HOW difficult it can be to obtain quality healthcare for women, who are constantly questioned and disbelieved. It lit my rage on fire.

Norman walk ...more

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Sep 18, 2018 Josephine rated it it was amazing

2019 review:

5 stars.

This was my first re-read of Ask Me About My Uterus - I read it again as research for my Society & Culture PIP. I have never once (in memory) cried because of a book, but this made me sob. I cannot express to you how much I needed this book in my life. Read it, read it, read it. This will not be my last re-read of this masterful piece of non-fiction.

P.S I wrote a short note to the author via Instagram and she so kindly replied.

2018 review:

5 stars.

I have read a few memoirs i ...more

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Mar 07, 2020 Donna rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: nonfiction

Abby Norman's memoir covers her childhood, her request for emancipation at sixteen, and mostly her unending pain from endometriosis.

I do not have endometriosis, but I do have chronic pain. There were many parts of this book that made me stop, and stick in a bookmark, and nod my head in a 'yeah, I get you'. Abby Norman put in an amazing amount of time and effort to figure out her diagnosis on her own, because doctors were not able/willing to listen to her and figure it out on their end. And stil ...more

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Jan 24, 2018 Hanna rated it it was amazing

Wow, I was absolutely enthralled by Abby Norman's journey. Part memoir, part history of women's pain, this book was everything I was looking for & more. Norman is a skilled researcher, in large part, because her life has greatly depended on it, but also because she's truly an academic at heart. Norman artfully wove her story into the fabric of shared experience regarding women's turbulent history navigating our health in a medical world that is set up to dismiss us. This read is both extremely f ...more

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Feb 09, 2018 Ashley Holstrom rated it really liked it

Shelves: print, memoir, reviewed, body, nonfiction, medical, science, disability

Abby Norman suffers through undiagnosed endometriosis for years. Her leg goes numb, she loses 30 pounds, and when she goes to a doctor, she’s sent home with antibiotics. She knows her pain is real, not “all in her head,” so she starts digging through medical journals to find her own diagnosis. But doctors never believe her, thinking she’s too young and naive to really understand her body the way a medical professional can. A truly eye-opening read about gender bias in the medical community.

From ...more

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May 10, 2018 AMY rated it really liked it

Abby Norman does an amazing job of describing life as a woman with endometriosis. She mixes in humor, with very specific details about living with this disease. It’s amazing she found the time and strength to write this terrific book. Reading her book let me know that my own struggles with endometriosis and adenomyosis are real, not in my head, and to keep searching for the right doctor who will listen and validate my pain.

In addition to being a great read, “Ask Me About My Uterus” is a wonderf ...more

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May 13, 2019 Leah Rachel von Essen rated it it was amazing

Shelves: non-fiction, mental-illness

I’ve been putting off this review because I wanted to get it right. This book, you see, haunts me. Ask Me About My Uterus: A Quest to Make Doctors Believe in Women’s Pain is a horror story and a call to action. After falling sick in college and having to drop out due to her pain, Abby Norman spent years seeking a diagnosis, begging doctors to believe her pain was real or take her illness seriously. She was forced to take her research and pain into her own hands, fighting a daily struggle to find I’ve been putting off this review because I wanted to get it right. This book, you see, haunts me. Ask Me About My Uterus: A Quest to Make Doctors Believe in Women’s Pain is a horror story and a call to action. After falling sick in college and having to drop out due to her pain, Abby Norman spent years seeking a diagnosis, begging doctors to believe her pain was real or take her illness seriously. She was forced to take her research and pain into her own hands, fighting a daily struggle to find her own answers and be treated.

Several times, I just wrote “what the fuck” in the margins of this book. Examples:

In the 1940s to create the pain scale, researchers burned the hands of women in labor.
Freud wrote that a patient was hysteric because when an older man pressed himself on her, she wasn’t aroused.
A doctor told Norman verbatim: “You were probably molested as a child and this is just your body’s way of trying to handle it.”
The “twilight sleep” of the 50s was to help doctors, not women, and often resulted in women having no say in what happened to their bodies while they were out cold.
Author Hilary Mantel, who has endometriosis, was once diagnosed with “stress, caused by over-ambition” and treated with tranquilizers.
The book serves as a wealth of knowledge about endometriosis, full of things I didn’t know. Like that it has been discovered in fetal autopsies as well as in men, in the uterus but also in places as far as the esophagus and lungs, challenging the assumption that the illness is rooted in menstruation. I learned that the 28-day cycle is a complete myth, and that it’s only the average—no woman in the study even actually had a 28 day cycle.

She touches on many of the things that can impact women’s health. Historically, women were not included in clinical trials for drugs, treatments, and surgeries due to their cycles, despite the fact that sex and hormones can cause drugs to metabolize differently. Norman’s own personal story highlights the failures of the healthcare system—she doesn’t shy away from discussing the debt she incurred; at another point, she highlights that women who can’t afford health care for their pain aren’t included in statistics or studies. She also pointed out a catch 22: you have to work to pay the bills, but then working makes doctors doubt how sick you are. She talks specifically about women and her experience as a woman, but has an author’s note and a few notes throughout highlighting inclusivity of anyone who has a uterus.

Women’s pain goes unnoticed because our pain is “part of womanhood” and we are taught to tolerate it—this is also why diseases such as ovarian cancer are mischaracterized by men as “silent” diseases. I almost cried when I read: “When a woman is suffering, her competence is questioned, but when a man is suffering, he is humanized.” A 2001 study called “The Girl Who Cried Pain” first led me down the path to Norman’s book: it found that postoperation, women are more likely to be given sedatives (it’s assumed they are actually anxious), while men are given pain medications (it’s assumed that because they are usually stoic, they must truly be in pain). These findings carry over for children. Women are often forced to contextualize their pain to doctors, proving it’s real with how it’s impacted their lives or relationships, while men can stick to the facts. “Women...have to prove that they are as sick as men before they will be given the same level of care,” Norman says, and adds that while women have more coping skills than men do, it’s likely because they need them, whereas men know their pain will be believed and attended to.

This is further complicated when sex and fertility come into the picture. Sex and masturbation are excruciating for Norman, but despite her persistence, doctors as well as people in real life insist that she just needs to try different positions, or people, or open her mind. She also only got even that advice when she stopped saying she wasn’t enjoying sex, and started saying her boyfriend was sexually frustrated. “I was the primary source of data for the investigation into my condition,” Norman writes, “and yet it often felt like the data I presented was questioned by others as unreliable.” In the end, she had to accept: “a woman’s sexual pleasure is rarely anyone’s priority, not even her own.”

And when fertility comes into it? Oh boy. Endometriosis is primarily studied as a disease of fertility. One doctor in the 1980s thought endo was the result of delaying childbirth too long. Endo is more likely to be diagnosed in women struggling to get pregnant, both because they seek help, and because the infertility issue is one doctors actually take seriously. “I have often felt,” Norman wrote, “that my explicit intention to be childless had a direct and exceedingly negative impact on my diagnosis and treatment.” Her pain, nausea, appetite loss, lack of sexual pleasure, and loss of her livelihoods did not carry weight against the concerns of her fertility. She once told a doctor specifically and explicitly to do something in surgery to fix her even if it meant risking infertility; when she woke up, the doctor told her she hadn’t done it.

“I had never wanted to be right; I had only wanted to be well,” writes Norman, and that sums up what is so heartbreaking about this memoir and mediation on the science of women’s pain and disease. This is a long review because I can’t hold any of this knowledge back—it is too terrifying and shocking. I knew doctors didn’t believe women’s pain, but even so, this book left me speechless. It is a must-read for all intersectional feminists. ...more

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Apr 20, 2021 Nut Meg rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction, gender-studies, biography-memoir-diaries, science-medicine-non-fiction

I feel like this is a clear case of a misleading subtitle. "A Quest to make Doctors Believe in Women's Pain" sounds all encompassing, as if the quest was about all women. However, this is really the story of one woman. To be fair, it is a very interesting story, and she makes some very eloquent and thoughtful connections between her personal experience and that of women in general, faced with a patriarchal medical establishment. Norman is clearly a very intelligent writer, and she effectively dr ...more

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Mar 05, 2018 Corinna Fabre rated it liked it

Ask Me About My Uterus is an informative and well-researched read on an under-treated ailment and, maybe more importantly, on the general systemic dismissal of women's pain. The author, Abby Norman, draws from her own medical experiences to illustrate the problems that are all too often faced by all women who look for help addressing chronic issues alongside her personal history to create a nuanced tale of what it takes to take your health and hope into your own hands.

To me, the book's shining ...more

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Apr 11, 2018 MarissaQ rated it liked it

I found Abby's story very relatable, we are both Sarah Lawrence women with chronic pain who have mothers with chronic pain who grew up below the poverty line. I love that she's bringing this issue to light because it's an important one. What I felt the story lacked was that it's structured as part personal narrative, part science/theory of endometriosis, part history of the treatment of women in medicine. I suppose I wanted more personal narrative, or more science and history. It kind of sits in ...more

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Mar 16, 2021 Betsy rated it it was amazing

Shelves: books-i-own-but-haven-t-read-yet

If you have a uterus and have ever experienced pain, you need to read this. It made me feel so seen!

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May 04, 2019 Amanda rated it really liked it

Shelves: library, nonfiction, women-authors, memoir

This is kind of an odd mix of traditional memoir and illness narrative (I'm not sure that's the right term for that, but it's definitely a thing). It's definitely more illness- and endo-focused than something like Love, Loss, and What We Ate: A Memoir, and post-diagnosis, I think it does a really good job of showing how endo affects every aspect of her life. This doesn't have a tidy narrative resolution, which makes total sense, since it's a story about coming to terms with a chronic pain condit ...more

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May 23, 2022 Hannah rated it really liked it

This book was such a good read!

Like most chronic deseases it isn't a happy story with the promise of a happy ending and it will probably make you scream with frustration at the way women are treated by the health care systems. *glares at Freud*

Despite being heart wrenching and anger inducing it's wonderfully written and gives great insight in to what it's like for women with chronic pain to navigate medical systems shaped by outdated patriarchal structures and ideas. ...more

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Mar 30, 2022 Cat rated it really liked it

Shelves: overdrive, read-at-2022, audiobook

This hit me right in the gut, I will for sure buy a physical copy since there are a couple of things I want to highlight, but I would say an audiobook for your first read is the way to go since you are hearing Abby herself narrating her story.
I have endometriosis and had a way to similar diagnosis story to what she's experienced, I also had a similar life story regarding my parents, although for different reasons, and there were times I had to stop reading because I just couldn't handle it, too ...more

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“Although a male physician could quite easily, and convincingly, assert that ovarian cancer was “silent,” if you were to really listen to women who have had ovarian cancer speak, you’d find that it wasn’t so much that the disease process was silent—but that they were. Conditions that seem to lurk unnoticed in a woman’s body go unnoticed by others because, for one thing, they are an assumed part of womanhood, and, for another, women are taught to keep those pains private. I’ve often found it curious that when a woman is suffering, her competence is questioned, but when a man is suffering, he’s humanized. It’s a gender stereotype that hurts both men and women, though it lends itself to the question of why there is a proclivity in health care, and in society, to deny female pain.” — 8 likes

“In the face of scary things, knowledge was always a comfort to me. No matter what the subject was, if I could find a book or two about it, I could squash any anxiety that it might provoke. As my heroine Scully once said, “The answers are there, you just have to know where to look.” — 7 likes

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