Is Monogamy Dead?

by Rosie Wilby

'My favourite way to learn is when a funny, clever, honest person is teaching me – that's why I love Rosie Wilby!' – Sara Pascoe

'Bittersweet, original, honest and so funny.' – Viv Groskop

In early 2013, comedian Rosie Wilby found herself at a crossroads with everything she'd ever believed about romantic relationships. When people asked, 'who's the love of your life?' there was no simple answer. Did they mean her former flatmate who she'd experienced the most ecstatic, heady, yet ultimately doomed, fling with? Or did they mean the deep, lasting companionate partnerships that gave her a sense of belonging and family? Surely, most human beings need both.

Mixing humour, heartache and science, Is Monogamy Dead? details Rosie's very personal quest to find out why Western society is clinging to a concept that doesn't work that well for some of us and is laden with ambiguous assumptions.

Genres: Nonfiction, Queer, Relationships, Polyamory, LGBT, Biography, Humor

340 pages, Paperback

Published August 3, 2017

About the author

Rosie Wilby is an award-winning comedian, author and podcaster who has appeared on BBC Radio 4 programmes including Woman's Hour, Saturday Live, Four Thought, Unsafe Space and Loose Ends, TV shows including Good Morning Britain and Sunday Morning Live and podcasts including The Guilty Feminist. Her latest book The Breakup Monologues is inspired by her acclaimed podcast (a double British Podcast Award nominee) and is published globally by Bloomsbury. Her first book Is Monogamy Dead? was longlisted for the Polari First Book Prize and followed her TED talk of the same name. She regularly contributes to publications including The Independent, Stylist and Perspective and has hosted programmes for Virgin Radio, BBC and Resonance. She's currently working on a debut novel and a third nonfiction book. Follow her on X / Twitter @rosiewilby and Instagram / Threads@breakupmonologues

Reviews

[Abigail Tarttelin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoy nonfiction like this: well-written, a personal, intimate voice and a narrative following the author as she struggles with the idea of monogamy, while talking frankly about her own personal relationships.

It really made me think and while my takeaway is personal to my own experiences and decisions about the type of relationship I want, I think any reader would get something out of the many questions Wilby asks and information she presents about modern relationships. I love me some statistics!

The narrative is also aided by Wilby being a comedian. I laughed out loud several times, and the voice is generally chummy and amusing. A bit like hanging out with a mate. Top points for addressing LGBT and hetero relationships rather than just banging on about straight people as if no one else exists.

An intelligent, funny, easy read that somehow also fearlessly, frankly and thoroughly interrogates our very contemporary sense of how we love.

[Ria · Rating 3 out of 5]

I got 75% of the way through so I'm pretty proud of myself but I think I'm done now.

- yay for questioning assumptions we hold about monogamy
- big nay for mixing her own speculations with scientific research, probably attributing meaning where there isn't any
- big big big nay for the repeated, whiney circles she goes around about her own relationships

[Susan Hampson · Rating 5 out of 5]

There is such a raw honesty about everything in this book, it is refreshing, I learnt a lot and found myself agreeing with so much of the stuff that if not normally talked about. The thing is I am straight and have always prided myself on treating everyone equal but we are all different and ok it may be the tip of the iceberg but my thought processes have changed. It’s ok to say someone is different, just respect and accept someone for who they are, we really don’t have to be pigeon holed.

Rosie Wilby has sort of bared all in this book about herself and her relationships with partners at different levels when at times she needed different things. Yes I like the cosy feel of an old pair of slippers but at times I want that pair of high heel that pinches the toes but makes me feel a million dollars just for a little while . A bit like relationships.

Although Rosie talks frankly about her own relationships she has also conducted her own research into a wide group of gay and straight friends, both male and female and how they see and judge each other. Do most people want just each other or the choice to see other people too. It really is very fascinating and raises some interesting points. I really love that it is so open and frank. What is an acceptable level of contact between two people before it is considered betrayal? The more choices that there were just made my head spin. What is acceptable to one person is thought of as cheating by another, What did come out of it for me is we simply don’t talk about it enough with partners.

This book does have its lighthearted moments at looking at how people see long and short-term relationships in our modern world, with everything just at a touch of a button away. But it does have its serious side too. Is it love if you are happy for both of you to sleep with other people and just sharing the bills and a bed when you aren’t going out. I don’t know. Another lesson learnt, everyone has a right to decide themselves as long as they are honest with their partner and they both agree. What works for one person doesn’t always work for another so talk to each other.

I wish to thank the author for a copy of this book which I honestly reviewed

[Linda Hill · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don’t read much non-fiction so Is Monogamy Dead? was such a different read for me and not one during which I always felt entirely comfortable. At times, reading Rosie Wilby’s very personal exploration of her own sexuality and her desire for intimacy on all levels, not just a sexual one, made me feel as if I had been very blase, unthinking and uncaring about others. I really had no idea about the real difficulties encountered by lesbian or bi-sexual women. Of course I had some inclination, but Rosie Wilby writes with such raw honesty and not infrequent self-effacing humour (I loved that Rosie was only a73% match for her own profile on a dating website, for example) that I feel I understand all members of society far better as a result of reading Is Monogamy Dead? It didn’t cross my mind that my unthinking acceptance of my gay and lesbian friends might actually undermine their sense of identity, for example.

There’s so much about humanity in Is Monogamy Dead? and I’ll never throw out the broken biscuits from the bottom of the tin in future without a slight feeling of unease!

I must admit I found the passages relating to Rosie directly, rather than those with a more overtly sociological element more engaging. That said, Is Monogamy Dead? has all the hallmarks of any good writing, being intelligent, clear and incredibly interesting with mini cliff hangers at the end of each chapter to draw the reader into the next part of the book. I particularly enjoyed the exploration of a new vocabulary to describe relationships with a range of partners and I’d never heard of breadcrumbing before although I’m sure it’s something many people do every day! I found Rosie’s reactions to her partners, her friends and, especially her Mum, very moving at times too.

There’s so much to think about in Is Monogamy Dead? I hadn’t ever considered what counts as infidelity beyond the accepted sexual relationships that we would all recognise and it was this aspect of the book that I found so thought provoking. Rosie Wilby really made me step back and reassess my views of life. I had wondered whether Is Monogamy Dead? would be the self-indulgent musings of a celebrity, but instead it is a well researched, well written and thought provoking treatise on how we interact as humans, regardless of sexuality in a modern world. I feel enriched having read it.
https://lindasbookbag.com/2017/07/29/...

[booksofallkinds · Rating 4 out of 5]

It is not often that I delve into non-fiction and I usually stick to history when I do, so I was delighted to try something different when I picked up IS MONOGAMY DEAD? by Rosie Wilby.

Based on her own experiences, detailed research, and plenty of observations of the modern world that we live in, Rosie presents us with an intelligent and often entertaining look at our ever-changing society with evolving ideologies about love and marriage, as well as her own personality, wants, and identity.

From saunas to sex parties and everything else in between, IS MONOGAMY DEAD? by Rosie Wilby is a thought-provoking, clever and witty read that mixes humour, science, and heartbreak effortlessly together is such a way that will really make you stop and take it all in. Can the person you fell in love with fifteen years ago really meet your needs now that you are a different person? Is serial monogamy much more suitable to our ever-changing personalities?
​Regardless of what type of relationship works for you, this book has something for everyone and asks many questions that will make you ponder over what love means for so many in our modern society.

IS MONOGAMY DEAD? by Rosie Wilby is a fascinating look at all things love from many different stand points and is well worth a read.

*I voluntarily reviewed this book from the Publishers

[Garima Ahuja · Rating 1 out of 5]

While the subject itself is very interesting to me, I was disappointed to see shallow research and personal experiences presented as the current state of society. Without any data to back up arguments, the book just boils down to opinion of a person.

[Grady · Rating 5 out of 5]

‘Why can’t you play by the rules?… Because if you don’t, then how can anyone else?’

British author and award-winning comedian Rosie Wilby has appeared on BBC Radio 4’s Loose Ends, Summer Nights, Four Thought, Midweek, The Human Zoo and Woman’s Hour and at festivals including Glastonbury, Secret Garden Party, Green Man, Larmer Tree and Latitude. She was a finalist at Funny Women 2006 and Leicester Mercury Comedian of the Year 2007 and she’s been touring acclaimed solo shows internationally ever since, performing in New York, Los Angeles and Sydney and building a global word-of-mouth army of fans. A 2014 Mslexia finalist and 2016 LAMBDA fellow, Rosie has had articles published in The Sunday Times, The Guardian, The Independent, New Statesman, Diva and more. Her debut book IS MONOGAMY DEAD? follows her TEDx talk of the same name, BBC Radio 4 piece A New Currency of Commitment and a trilogy of solo shows investigating love and relationships. Her book shares a gripping account of her very personal quest to grapple with the science of modern relationships. She is currently gathering ideas and inspiration for her second book in her new monthly podcast The Breakup Monologues, featuring acclaimed comedy friends telling her their breakup stories. Rosie co-hosts Radio Diva on Resonance FM (described by New York's The Village Voice as the 'best station in the world') every Tuesday and has presented for BBC Sussex and Surrey.

As we all walk through the current mélange of cellphone addicts sending selfies and texts and chatting to flirt and hopping from dating site to another for possible encounters, along comes Rosie Wilby, an hilarious and insightful comedian who has that rare gift to look at the world and the manner in which we are living and relating in it hilarious but wise terms.

Dip into her Prologue for a taste – ‘Nobody warned me. ‘A bright young lady like you? The world’s your oyster. You could be a doctor. Go to Cambridge like your mother. You’ll be absolutely fine,’ said Mr. Wallington, our head of year. A sentiment echoed by pretty much every responsible adult I knew. I was a white, middle-class, British girl with two academic parents, an only child with no siblings vying for attention. Life would be cool. I got complacent and a little smug, occasionally flunking an exam on purpose because I knew I could get an A next time. And yet, as adulthood dawned, a darkness crept up through the cracks of the paving stones of the life they had all mapped out for me. The problem wasn’t being gay. Everyone was fine about that. Mum had even once tried to tell me something about her and her friend Joan on holiday. Fresh from an aerobic session in front of her ‘Mad Lizzie’ video, she emerged from the house sporting a green leotard and pink legwarmers to say, ‘I wouldn’t mind if I had a daughter who was a lesbian.’ Then came the masked revelation about her ‘close’ female friendships. Having totally disrupted my sun-kissed, adolescent reverie about a girl from the year below in school, she rushed back indoors to find a book of lesbian poetry so that she could recite it later over the tea table… to the silent horror of dad and me. No, being gay wasn’t the problem. The monster yapping and snarling at the heels of my happiness was called monogamy. Nobody warned me… about monogamy. Nobody told me that by the time I was forty, I would have had four serious relationships – great. Oh, and four, gut-wrenching, serious breakups – not so great. Each would smash me into a million pieces, the hammer wielded by a completely unexpected, exquisitely awful dance of mutual sacrifice; a compromise of my freedoms, desires and, ultimately, my identity and my soul. Each time, either I or my beloved would cave in and screw up the dance and betray all the lifelong promises we’d made. Each time, I’d put myself back together again and start all over again, trust all over again, hope all over again. I was exhausted. But nobody gave me a round of applause for this resilience. No wonder I sought out a career where I would habitually get two rounds of applause every night, maybe more if I’d done super well. Maybe I could make jokes about monogamy, about the heartbreak. I could pretend everything was fine, just like all those responsible adults had said.’

As Rosie comfortably puts it, ‘Whatever your personal preferences and peccadilloes, we’re all in this together. Love can be hard work, alongside all the amazing bits. So let’s hold each other’s hands and work out how to go about relationships in this scary, busy, digital twenty-first century. This is a call to arms. Love army, are you ready?‘ And from there she spins tales and interviews and
research and observations that are often both hilarious and sad, introspective and beautifully scribed. Read and learn and appreciate the mind of one who has been there (and is still there) and puts it all into perspective. Highly Recommended.

[Katherine Sunderland · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rosie Wilby is an award winning comedian who regularly appears on radio programmes such as BBC Radio 4 Woman's Hour. This professional experience is reflected in her ability to write so candidly, so confidently and with such a great balance between content, substance and humour. Is Monogamy Dead? is a very easy book to engage with, not just because Wilby's actually exploring a very topical and contemporary issue of what partnership looks like in our modern world - but also because of her informal tone of voice and short, bitesize chapters.

The inspiration for this book came from the question "Who is the love of your life?" Most of us have relationships with people that range from the romantic, doomed, short-lived, longterm, heady and spontaneous, practical and secure. Is it possible to have this relationship with the same person and how do you negotiate relationships so that both needs are met?

"Love can be hard work, alongside all the amazing bits. So let's hold each other's hands and work out how to go about relationships in this scary, busy, digital twenty-first century."

As Wilby says, human behaviour is not often logical or reasonable -particularly when it comes to love, also there is no right or wrong answer or scientific explanation to show us how to love and who to love. But this book is an attempt - and a very clear, articulate, thoughtful and considered attempt - to consider what relationships look like in the 21st century and whether monogamy still has a place within modern couplings. Can one person still meet all our ever increasing needs in this ever increasingly fast moving world where we are constantly updating, upgrading and trading in our possessions?

Ultimately this is a personal piece of writing and very autobiographical. Wilby is honest, upfront, straight talking and reflects about her own relationships and her own heartbreaks. She talks a lot about her own sexuality and about the gay community. But she also wants to talk to anyone about monogamy and this book is written with a wide ranging audience in mind whatever their gender or sexuality. The underlying issues touched on this book are probably relevant to anyone who is involved in some kind of relationship or has aspirations, expectations, ambitions and dreams about the kind of relationship they want or feel they deserve.

I was interested with Wilby's discussion of social media and found her comments about Facebook and how it has made friendship a commodity, that has affected our perception of "friends" and what it means to "like" someone. Wilby considers the affects of social media on the way we perceive monogamy and love and it's impact on modern relationships. I also found her passages about female friendships - platonic friendships - really interesting. These platonic friendships are often intense, ones where women form very deep bonds and can be incredibly powerful. When they go wrong, they can leave us heartbroken. They are, in effect, love affairs. I liked that Wilby raised lots of things I hadn't put together before in my mind and actually many things resonated or struck me.

This book is full of humour, comedy and astute remarks but all the ideas, issues and points Wilby makes have been researched, investigated and developed into thought provoking arguments. It is an amusing, honest and lively piece of writing; endearing in its self deprecation and self effusiveness. And it is never flippant. There is substance and ideas are developed in good detail. It's not usually the type of book I would pick up and I think it grew out of a TED lecture but I was interested, I did find lots of comments valuable, insightful and it left me with plenty to think about and consider. I think it's also a brave piece and admire Wilby's honesty and frankness in using her own love affairs, heartbreak and partners to help explore her ideas, feelings and conclusions.

And of course her main conclusion is satisfying, sound and heartwarming.

'Relationships are all unique.....[we need to] come to our own decisions about what works best for us and our loved ones.'

So whether monogamy is dead, whether it is for you, whether you have given up on long term, single partnerships or still seek it, this book is an interesting discussion of what it monogamy might mean in today's society. It's a well written, well structured, intelligent, witty book that's well worth a look.

[Thomas Brand · Rating 5 out of 5]

What is "Is Monogamy Dead?" about? 
On the surface level, it's about a woman struggling to get over an old relationship, depicting years of emotional uncertainty until her ex-girlfriend provides closure. 
But that would be a very trite and rather unfair description. In truth, this book is about one woman's journey to build a deeper understanding of the nature of relationships and whether what we grow up thinking we want is actually what we need. 
I think that to get an honest understanding of "Is Monogamy Dead?" we need to acknowledge the nature of its creation. Wilby isn't a relationship expert, nor does she pretend to be. This book is a spin-off of a stand-up show. This doesn't mean it should be dismissed. Wilby has clearly put a lot of work into it, including a lot of cited research and interviews with experts. But I'm left with the feeling that she did her research in the same way I did for my university dissertation; she knows what she wants to conclude and finds research that backs up that pre-existing point of view.  
But this isn't a problem because this isn't an academic work. Nor is it a self-help book for others in the same position as the author. Instead, it's more of a biography. In its pages, Wilby takes us through the issues that have always complicated her relationships - such as being gay, the nomadic nature of her career, and mental health - and the journey she undertook to understand and come to terms with them to finally allow herself to hold healthy relationships. 
And while "Is Monogamy Dead?" is not designed to be educational, the nature of Wilby's journey is worth following. It shows us a woman going through a logical, healthy process when facing her problems. Unsatisfied in her current relationship and still hung up on past ones that failed, rather than spiralling and hurting herself and others, she goes on a journey to actively learn about relationships and tries to pinpoint what it is that has kept her away from long-term happiness. 
And whatever you feel about how she did it or how she presents her story, the journey itself is what's important. Rather than accepting her dissatisfaction, she goes on a journey. She proactively questions everything, considering everything from polyamory to questioning the meaning of her own sexuality. And that's why I recommend this book. It might not be telling you anything practical for your own life, but it's showing that not only is it useful to examine the things in your life you've been taught to take for granted, but it's healthy too.

"Is Monogamy Dead?" is a bit of a strange creature. Despite its origins, it's not quite a comedy story. And despite its subject, it's not quite an academic or educational book. It's a strange hybrid of both, but once you get your head around it, it's very readable. Anyone who believes in questioning the status quo or feels they haven't managed to work out what they want from their relationships could do a lot worse than to pick this up.

[The Literary Shed · Rating 4 out of 5]

Early on in Is Monogamy Dead?, comedian Rosie Wilby explains that ‘monogamy’ originates from the Greek words monos gamos, meaning ‘one marriage for life’. The book that follows is an honest, sometimes funny, sometimes poignant exploration of a concept which, for many, seems outdated, if not unworkable in a twenty-first century framework.

Aged 40, Wilby hit a crossroads, monogamy the ‘monster’ yapping at her heels. With four serious relationships and subsequent debilitating breakups behind her, she felt life was like the Titanic, comedy her ‘lifeboat’ and monogamy the ‘iceberg’. So, she decided to meet the beast head on and try to understand it, or at least have a good laugh at it.

Is Monogamy Dead? is part memoir, part sociological study, Wilby talking to friends, scientists, academics and other experts and also, rather courageously, putting herself and her personal relationships on the frontline to explore the viability of monogamy. Concluding that sexuality is a fluid, rather ‘slippery’ concept, she also found that she might not be as gay as she thought she was when she first came out, some‘thing I would imagine would be hugely discombobulating, if not terrifying.

Wilby found that one of the particular sticking points in discussing her own romantic life was a lack of vocabulary. ‘If we don’t have words for a particular kind of loving relationship, we can’t talk about it and it remains invisible.’ And, at the end of the book, she includes a rather useful and entertaining list of her favourite phrase and terms, some existing, some new, some that she herself made up, such as ‘metamours’ (your partner’s partner), ‘cuddle buddy’ (a platonic cuddle partner’) and ‘breadcrumbing’ (leading someone on with flirty texts and calls with no intention of acting on it).

‘Love can be hard work along with all the amazing bits,’ she says. ‘So let’s hold each other’s hands and work out how to go about relationships in this scary, busy digital twenty-first century.

‘This is a call to arms. Love army are you ready?’

Oh, yes. Are you?

See: http://www.theliteraryshed.co.uk/read...

Thank you to the publisher for sending us a review copy. All opinions are our own. All rights reserved.

[Beth (bibliobeth) · Rating 4 out of 5]

First of all, thank you so much to the author, Rosie Wilby for allowing me to read a copy of Is Monogamy Dead?, a beautifully honest part-memoir and part humorous philosophical musings on the nature of friendships, love, monogamy and relationships in the modern world. I'm delighted to provide an honest review and really enjoyed Rosie's candid thoughts on all these topics and much more. It made me look at social media and dating apps in a whole different light, provided a whole new vocabulary to get to grips with (breadcrumbing anyone?!) and really made me think about what I look for in a relationship versus what my partner might want. It turns out he wants the same as me (phew!) but Rosie definitely made me question what might be going on in someone else's head and opened up that window of communication where we could talk more honestly about our relationship and where we saw it going.

Rosie is an award-winning comedian, musician, writer and broadcaster based in London and much of the book was quite nostalgic for me as I used to live in London and continue to work there on a daily basis. From describing her current relationship with Jen which troubles her at times because she is so unsure about where it is going, Rosie takes us back to her very first relationship, the first time she fell in love, the girl that changed her outlook briefly for the worse regarding relationships and where she finds herself now. Interspersed with this are her thoughts on monogamy and what that means to people in a relationship, how much potentially easier an "open relationship," could be where both parties get exactly what they want and still have someone to come home and cuddle on a night, and how technology and expectations have upped the ante in the way we meet and date people.

Of course, I have gay and bisexual friends but I feel like I have got much more of a personal insight into the world of lesbian relationships from Rosie Wilby than I ever would have done from my friends. Well, some things you just don't ask, right? I loved how sincerely she talked about her past relationships. her current situation and her potential future and my heart broke a little when she and Jen decided to "consciously uncouple," even though it was obviously the best thing for both parties concerned! I was also fascinated when she described those intimate, very intense female friendships that you form on occasion that are so strong that when they fall apart spectacularly it is almost like a break-up. I've certainly had a few of those in my past and I remember how devastating the feeling was.

With Is Monogamy Dead?, Rosie takes us into her confidence, tickles our funny-bone with the things she says and certainly had me rooting for her, hoping that she would find her own happy ending, whatever that might look like to her. If you like your non-fiction with a bit of an edge and a whole lot of heart this is definitely the book for you.

Rosie is appearing at Write Ideas Festival in Whitechapel, London on Sunday 19th November 2017 from 13:00-14:00 to talk more about Is Monogamy Dead? Tickets are free but you must register if you're interested!

For my full review and many more please visit my blog at http://www.bibliobeth.com

[Isabel Losada · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love a bit of thought provoking narrative non fiction. It's a great for both learning about a subject and considering its relevance to your own life as you read. And often a better forum than either the escapism of fiction or the dryness of non-fiction. In this fun and challenging piece of writing Rosie uses the story of her own experiences with serial monogamy as an opportunity to explore whether there is a better way for us all to live. Everyone seems addicted to the IDEA of monogamy whereas, in reality, very few of us know very many monogamous relationships that are truly successful. So are there other ways to live in which we can release our own possessiveness, jealousy and attachment to the feeling of owning another person and make choices which support our own and our partner's happiness more fully? Those are the questions we are given time to consider in depth while reading this book. As a straight woman with my own addiction to serial monogamy both the ideal and the reality as it is lived - I found this book to be a great stimulus to thinking about all my relationships and friendships - and not least to consider the extent to which I may not have given as much time as I could to my women friends because of my deeply ingrained (and annoying) preference for male company even though - in many ways those relationships are ultimately less rewarding. Well done for this one Rosie. I hope this book is widely read and widely discussed by couples of all kinds and encourages everyone to be more honest and open which would lead to better relationships for everyone.

[Ben · Rating 3 out of 5]

Book Review
Is Monogamy Dead? By Rosie Wilby
6 out of 10
Is Monogamy Dead? Is a book that takes an eye-opening, humorous, human, and open-minded approach to the subject in hand. Is Monogamy, as we understand it in modern times, still fit for purpose? Are there other models for relationships that could replace it? Using her own experience, and that of many friends, Rosie Wilby looks to use both science, and the human need to ask these all-important questions.
Perhaps best known as a comedian, Rosie Wilby is also an excellent writer, with a light touch, and a lightness of tone that can also add pathos to the narrative, such as when a relationship breaks down. As well as looking at the central monogamous relationships we aim for, the book also addresses the importance of lasting, solid friendships, and how some relations should have remained as friendships, but didn’t.
The book also looks at the differences between sexual and platonic relationships, as well as the difference between the sexes, and about the differences between reality and expectation, which is where much of the confusion in life, and in love lies.
This is as much a treatise on modern societal mores as it is a self-help book. It does not answer the central question, as the answer is always different depending on the reader and the stage of life that they are at. We all aim for the monogamous relationship that fulfils all of the sexual and relationships that we need but also looking for a friendship at the same time.
It passes the time, is well written, and contains plenty of food for thought.

[Els · Rating 4 out of 5]

I do not very often read non-fiction books, but this one fascinated me and I was very happy to have the chance to immerse myself in it.

Is monogamy dead? That's a very good question. I think it depends on who you ask. For some it will indeed be dead, for others it will be alive and kicking and for others it might not even be born yet. I certainly does not mean the same to everybody. It's not always the explanation you would find in a dictionary that will apply if you would ask different people.

I guess it does not matter what the word means, as long as the partners involved in the relationship are on the same page. What feels like betrayal to one couple, might seem normal to another one.

The most important thing is that you feel good in your romance and what you do and how you do it is up to you.

I have found myself agreeing with a lot of the things in the book and I loved the way the author put the spotlight on heterosexual and homosexual relationships, because there is only one thing that counts : happiness and it does not matter who your partner is or who (dis)approves of him or her. Life is too short to forsake love with the one you want to be with. 4 stars.

Thank you, Rosie Wilby for sharing those personal things with us and I hope you have found what you were looking for. 

https://bforbookreview.wordpress.com

[Robin · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a queer poly person whose primary is on the asexual spectrum this just.. really didn't seem that deep to me. She goes on this whole journey of learning everything possible about non monogamy (to try to figure out a way to stay with her partner who she isn't sexually compatible with) then just ends up breaking up and back in a monogamous relationship with someone else, which is supposedly more "intentional" but otherwise doesn't seem that different from any other monogamous relationship? I guess I just don't think having super close friends is really that unusual for monogamous people. It just seems to stop short of the epic quest the beginning imagines, but whatever.. I support her finding relationship happiness but I'm not sure what the point of this book was. Her authorial voice is quite enjoyable, though.

[Kahn · Rating 4 out of 5]

So, Rosie needed a show to take to Edinburgh. She wanted something interesting, fascinating, quintessentially 'her'.
Research and rabbit holes later, she found herself asking the titular question – a question that not only led to her show, but also this book.
Very much a companion novel to The Break-Up Monologues, even if this book came first, Monogamy is a deep dive into the modern world of relationships.
With her infectious charm and wit, Rosie explores the vast array of terms and statuses (statusi?) that now exist, drawing on her own relationship history as a counterpoint.
While not as immersive as it's follow-up, Monogamy is insightful, whimsical, and will be of great help to anyone who is starting to ask themselves some important, personal questions.

[Lindsay · Rating 4 out of 5]

Funny, thoughtful book on making an informed choice about what kind of relationship is right for you. Also provided interesting insight into the lesbian experience and how it has evolved over that last few decades.

[Stephen Mc · Rating 1 out of 5]

I saw this lady at the literature festival doing her stand up routine which was very good.
Sadly this book is not as funny .A rather odd book but probably great for lesbian couples who are doing psychological or relationship studies. The author rather over shares on her own love life .

[Tamsin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sad that reading this is now over. Really fun read you just power through, with eye opening, thought provoking research. Lots to take away with me

[Bizzy Day · Rating 3 out of 5]

A really wonderful telling of Rosie's journey and exploration into non-monogamous relationships. Such an intimate and personal voice, she really came through personally through the writing.

[Ingeborg Moa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Somewhat more about Rosie Wilby’s relationship challenges than about monogamy versus other ways to have good relationships, but a very funny and good read!

[D.A. Kent · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this - it isn't all that often that I venture over into non-fiction - and could hear the author's voice very clearly. Thought-provoking too.

[Book-Social · Rating 3 out of 5]

Should we all be having open relationships? Isn’t everyone a little bit Poly? These are just some of the questions comedian Rosie Wilby raises in her new book Is Monogamy Dead?

This book is very different to the type of book I usually read. It’s non fiction, written by a comedian, and discusses whether we would all be better off having open relationships (a marriage or relationship in which both partners agree that each may have sexual relations with others). So what would I, as a happily married woman who does not believe in open relationships make of it?

The book is written as part memoir, part study into relationships in all their shapes and forms. Rosie is searingly honest in her journey to discover whether she can truly be monogamous. Is it simply a case of being in the wrong relationship? Is her past to blame? Society? Or the fact she is a lesbian? Rosie delves in to these topics and more throwing words out like Polyamory, Compersion, and Breadcrumbing. I dread to think what advertisers will now make of my google history!

Fear not, Rosie walks you through all these new phrases. The reader discovers them at the same time she does and it makes for an eye opening read. Anecdotes are provided from those in gay, bisexual and heterosexual relationships to illustrate how attitudes differ and Rosie is respectful in everything she touches upon. I was pleased long suffering ‘Jen’ had her say as I suppose in a way it was her that I most identified with. Monogamy is very much alive for me yet I found the book illuminating, Rosie held me throughout, even if at times I didn’t/couldn’t follow the path she was choosing. It you’re a fan of Rosie’s work, you will like it. If you’re curious, you will find it informative and if you’re struggling you will discover you are not alone.

[mòrag · Rating 4 out of 5]

Despite having been drawn to the idea of an open relationship ever since my very first official relationship, Rosie's book is only the second book I've ever read on the topic. The other is The Ethical Slut (obviously) which is very different to this - but both are brilliant and insightful in their own way. While The Ethical Slut is a how-to guide (that borders into hippy territory) Is Monogamy Dead? is a memoir about Rosie's own confusion about society's emphasis on monogamy and romantic love (something I've questioned from the very second puberty kicked in).

I'm the first person to admit that I'm not usually a memoir kind-of-gal, especially if the person hasn't been through a life-changing event. But I related to Rosie's story and found myself letting out an occasional sigh of relief knowing (finally) that someone out there shared some of my doubts about both monogamy and polyamory. It was also really interesting to read the anecdotes she compiled from her friends who identify as gay, bisexual and heterosexual to see how attitudes differ. Plus, she's funny in a passive and sarcastic way (which is my favourite kind of funny).

The only reason I knocked off a star was because I didn't find this book particularly life altering and I haven't become suddenly aware of a previously ignored blind-spot (this has to happen for any lifestyle/self-help book to get five stars). But it was heartwarming and if you're confused about where you land on the monogamy-polyamory spectrum, this book will help you feel less alone (even it doesn't offer any practical advice).