Women, Sex, and Addiction: A Search for Love and Power

by Charlotte Kasl

A recognized expert on addiction, codependency, and child abuse provides an invaluable book for all women. "Sane, warm, wise . . . a chance for rebirth."--Gloria Steinem"Probably the single most significant text to date regarding women and sex addiction."--Edward Armstrong, National Association of Sex Addiction Problems

Genres: Psychology, Self Help, Sexuality, Womens, Relationships, Nonfiction, Addiction

416 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1900

About the author

Charlotte Sophia Kasl, PhD, is a U.S. psychologist and author.

She pioneered the 16-Steps for Discovery and Empowerment as an alternative to the Twelve-step program for recovery from addiction, compulsion, or other behavioral problems.

She wrote several books based on some aspects of Sufi, Quaker, and Buddhist spiritual beliefs and traditions.

Reviews

[Eileen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had a therapist in my early 20s who asked me to read this and I refused. I had to be in my 40s, in the midst of yet another complicated and confusing relationship, to have the nerve to purchase it when yet someone else put it in front of my nose. It wasn't what I thought it would be - I think I balked at the word "addiction" initially - but it kicked my ever lovin' ass into some thought directions I've never gone before. I learned so much about the dynamics of my love and sexual relationships, and underlined the heck out of this book with things I wanted to soak in. It goes back to the root of things - early childhood, parental relationships, covering things like boundary setting, conditional and unconditional love, self esteem, and so on. As an abuse survivor, that was more often beaten emotionally or spiritually, I didn't realize the true impact some of the insidious and subtle events of my childhood impacted me as an adult. I found myself shuddering and sputtering a lot when I read this, and recognized long held patterns in my life that I really never understood.

Yup, this one blew my mind. The pages will be falling out before I'm fully done with it.

[Angela · Rating 5 out of 5]

Charlotte Kasl is my hero and this book punched me square in the face and shook me by the shoulders. I even put a commercial up for it on my myspace page. I love this book and I love Charlotte. (she read my book and gave a quote and made me fall over again!)

The only thing I do not like about this book is the title. I think it should be Humans, Sex, and Addiction because it applies to all of us.

[Jill · Rating 5 out of 5]

For me, the definitive addiction & recovery book, regardless of your addiction. Dealing specifically with women's tendency to obsess over love & sex, it delves deeply into the spiritual voids that drive any addiction. Shows how this pattern usually begins in childhood but can be alleviated in adulthood with awareness and a commitment to one's self and one's underlying yearnings. Written with beautiful compassion and wisdom. I re-read it every few years.

[John Yarbrough · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really a great book. Kasl is a feminist, counselor who works with addicted and mostly abused women and speaks into their sexuality and their soul. I found the book very insightful to co-dependency and to healing around old wounds. I didn't agree with everything she had to say but I found the viewpoint healthy from all I have read. She spoke about willingness when I was thinking about the same thing that week. That was helpful. I'm certain that we wouldn't agree politically but she spoke to the needs of desperately hurting people in our society and I think the American society and the Church are somewhat cold to these needs.

I intend to go through an extract my notes from this book. It was that kind of book.

[Hilary · Rating 5 out of 5]

changed my life.

[Sandy Clark]

I hang onto my copy of this book. Unfortunately, I think it's out of print. But it is a great book for women to read.

[Lisa · Rating 1 out of 5]

I didn't finish this one. I don't have this problem, but am sympathetic to those who do. This book is a scholarly work and a slog to read.
And the author throws out statements like (to paraphrase) "compulsive masturbation causes distance within one's self" without bothering to define "compulsive". Once a day? Once every five months? Who knows? The whole idea of overanalyzing everything to death is an inherent flaw of much recovery literature. She also subtly suggests that all promiscuity is based on addiction, instead of simpler concepts like fun and pleasure. And worse, that women are never in control in a sexual relationship.

Regardless, I don't think I'll be on my deathbed saying "Gee, I wish I had less great sex".

[Linda DiMeo Lowman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book I've read, reread, reread... I have text highlighted and underlined, notes in the margins, and pages folded down. For any American woman who grew up in a dysfunctional family, this book is a must.

[Hannah Holt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Worth giving a try for anyone who is feeling out of control of their behaviors and emotions regarding sex or dating. I didn't know it while reading the book, but retrospectively the revelations this book induced had a more lasting impact on me than any other self-help book I have read. I definitely give it part of the credit for the shift that happened in me that completely changed my way of connecting with others. It was a slow process, but it still happened, more than I ever thought would or could happen.

[Quinn · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book definately has its problems. Although the author tries to be inclusive and write about lesbian relationships, she reveals her ignorance and gives the impression that she is only writing to straight women who might want to know more about lesbians, rather than actual lesbian readers.

Aside from that, I feel this terrain is always a bit rocky. It explores romance addiction, sex addiction, and codependancy. Important themes for sure, but they always skirt the edges of victim blamming when it comes to abusive relationships. Still, this book takes a frank look at the problems that result when a society places it's emphasis on only one type of relationship- romantic partnership.

[Polly Trout · Rating 4 out of 5]

I like Kasl a lot and have read several of her books lately; she is down to earth, practical, and holistic. This is one of her earliest books, and dated in some ways -- her later work is more mature -- but I still got a lot out of it and would recommend it to women struggling to develop a healthy relationship with their sexuality as survivors of childhood sexual abuse.

[Audrey · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for any woman!!! I love all of her books!

[Mandi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Woman sex and addition raised my awareness of my own need to love myself in more nurturing ways and let go of seeking love through sex.

[Sierra · Rating 3 out of 5]

A very humane outlook on how women may be drawn to, participate in and, ultimately, recover from painful dysfunctional romantic and sexual relationships. Yet I am only giving three stars for two main reasons:
1) The book was written in 1989, before breakthroughs in behavioral genetics among other sciences, and several of the theories she exposes are blatantly incomplete and outdated
2) As much as I understand and respect the desire for a holistic approach, and the importance of spirituality, and although I do share certain of her opinions, particularly on the so-called patriarchy and consumerist society, the author expresses viewpoints that are in essence subjective as truths, which I find very annoying. I do appreciate that she lists the spiritual texts she seems to be referencing without specific notes in the bibliography.
Regardless of these defects and whether or not it is based on pure scientific evidence, the advice that is condensed in the last part of the book appears to be very functional and the author seems to be a great therapist. I was also struck by the relevance of her definition of codependence, and by the similarities of what she describes as traits of addiction with what we seem to be keen on calling narcissism these days, as I found her categorization much more helpful to forgive oneself as much as anyone involved in destructive relationships.

[Julie Peters · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is powerful. It is mostly focused on sex addiction and codependency, and I identify with neither of those states as diagnoses or whatever, but so much of it spoke to my experience in so many other ways. It was incisive and sometimes hard to read because it had so much truth in it I'd need to put it down and process for a while. If you're willing to do some real honest self-reflection, pick this one up.

[G Scott · Rating 5 out of 5]

Glad I picked this up for less that an dollar @ the local thrift store. In a word: Revelatory. A must read on sexuality.

[Reese · Rating 5 out of 5]

one of the best for codependent women...most women although it did get irritted cause she right and i dont want her to be.

[Kathleen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Women, Sex, and Addiction: A Search for Love and Power by Charlotte Davis Kasl (1990)