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Dating Makes You Want to Die: (But You Have to Do It Anyway) – A Snarky, Hilarious Guide to First Dates, Breakups, and Finding Love
You have two Be attacked by a wolverine or go on a date If you're smart, you chose wolverine. If not—well, wait, are you sure you don't want the wolverine? Happily ever after isn't so easy anymore. It's all speed dating, matchmaking terror, and visits to your therapist. Whether it's the mortification, frustration, or just plain exhaustion that's got you ready to give up on love, this book is here to help. After all, there are only two ways out of the dating scene. One involves giving up all your possessions and taking a vow of chastity. The other involves finding a permanent (or semi-permanent, anyway) partner. This book will help you get through the latter. From the bar scenes and the first sexual encounter to deciding whether to move in together, Dating Makes You Want to Die walks you through every stage of the dating process—and, like a Belarusian arms dealer, provides the heavy artillery you'll need to destroy the potential problems lurking in each one. Each chapter discusses the problems that can arise when dating, offers a remedy, and includes hilarious sidebars and quizzes to further help you prepare for the jungle out there. Some sanity-keeping tips Intelligent, snarky, and entertaining, Dating Makes You Want to Die may make you actually want to live through a relationship.
218 pages, Paperback
First published August 19, 2008
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49 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews
June 18, 2014
I had to stop reading this book after the author blamed too many women going to law school for the reason he couldn't afford to buy a date dinner.
June 4, 2010
Dating sucks. So does this book.
It thinks alcohol--and only alcohol--is a panacea. I *tried* drinking in my 20s. It tastes like piss and has no effect on me whatsoever.
The authors suggest blind dates. My parents met on one. I've offered people up to $500 to set me up with someone. It has never happened. I hate bars because they are loud and designed for extroverts who thrive on small talk. I hate small talk. I like big talk.
The authors suggest online dating. I've had online profiles for over 8 years and never got a relationship from one. I've been on at least 25 different sites too. The vast majority have many more men than women.
The book assumes you have exes, have had hookups (including trashy ones), and make out with people whose names you don't remember. I have no exes, have never "hooked up" with anyone despite my desires and efforts to, and have not made out with anyone in over 4 years.
This book is for one specific subset of the population. It is not for people who don't fit their mindless, exclusive assumptions about young single people. Like me.
Ok, now that I've finished the book, I have to give credit where it's due. In the epilogue, the authors offer one paragraph to hopelessly single people like me. They still assume/advocate that everyone drinks heavily, but underestimate the value and importance of love and sex to a human life. I would never be so presumptuous as to tell people suicide is worse than a loveless, sexless life. Speaking from experience, it's quite overrated. Not that these hip, extroverted, edgier-than-thou drunks would have a clue about that.
The best thing I can say for this book is that it wasted less than a week of my time.
It thinks alcohol--and only alcohol--is a panacea. I *tried* drinking in my 20s. It tastes like piss and has no effect on me whatsoever.
The authors suggest blind dates. My parents met on one. I've offered people up to $500 to set me up with someone. It has never happened. I hate bars because they are loud and designed for extroverts who thrive on small talk. I hate small talk. I like big talk.
The authors suggest online dating. I've had online profiles for over 8 years and never got a relationship from one. I've been on at least 25 different sites too. The vast majority have many more men than women.
The book assumes you have exes, have had hookups (including trashy ones), and make out with people whose names you don't remember. I have no exes, have never "hooked up" with anyone despite my desires and efforts to, and have not made out with anyone in over 4 years.
This book is for one specific subset of the population. It is not for people who don't fit their mindless, exclusive assumptions about young single people. Like me.
Ok, now that I've finished the book, I have to give credit where it's due. In the epilogue, the authors offer one paragraph to hopelessly single people like me. They still assume/advocate that everyone drinks heavily, but underestimate the value and importance of love and sex to a human life. I would never be so presumptuous as to tell people suicide is worse than a loveless, sexless life. Speaking from experience, it's quite overrated. Not that these hip, extroverted, edgier-than-thou drunks would have a clue about that.
The best thing I can say for this book is that it wasted less than a week of my time.
December 4, 2008
It will probably be hard to explain why I snagged this at the library. The cover and the title were amusing? Morbid curiosity? Probably a combination of the two. Possibly for the same reason that I might pick up a pop social anthro book.
Parts of it were amusing. But ... maybe it's just that I'm not a 20-something desperate single person living in NYC. (This seems to be the target audience.) Let's just say ... it's hard to tell how much was snark and how much was "This is how to get into a relationship at all costs."
Parts of it were amusing. But ... maybe it's just that I'm not a 20-something desperate single person living in NYC. (This seems to be the target audience.) Let's just say ... it's hard to tell how much was snark and how much was "This is how to get into a relationship at all costs."
December 19, 2008
Hey, are you a complete social retard who needs a book to tell you that you should probably bathe before you go on a date? Then read this! If you already possess this knowledge, buy a copy of this book to have on hand for your next awful date! Not only will that person get the hint, they'll get it in unbearably dated, unintelligent yet flip prose! It's fucking awful!
December 22, 2008
Ugh, dating DOES make me want to die. But the good thing is these writers made me laugh out loud repeatedly, which is actually pretty rare for me when reading. Also contains tips for moving in together and meeting the family of the significant other.
January 14, 2019
I relate to this. Funny in part. Aged a bit, some candor, honesty, and humility.
September 7, 2025
Read this multiple times when younger and still agree with the sentiment
May 9, 2010
So I stopped reading at the breakup chapter...the book was funny to be sure, but, not one of the best books I've read on relationships. The authors highly recommend drinking in every situation and every Chapter, and there is such a long list of things to remember, I felt rather exhausted, like I should be taking notes lest I forget one and become a dismal dating failure worse than I already am. The book also talked about how much being single totally sucks (in many hilarious ways), but I wish too that it would have mentioned how fabulous single people are and how much they have to bring to a relationship, as opposed to why they must get out there and rectify their miserable situations. I would say, read it if you want a laugh, but don't take what it says very seriously.
June 17, 2009
Funny at times, but not what I expected. It actually takes you through the steps of dating all the way through marriage.
While I understand it's written by a male and a female, the perspective switches - sometimes the authors are speaking to a man ("your ex-lover calls and wants to catch up - she'll pay") and sometimes they are speaking to a woman ("let him have a night with the boys"). I see why this is done, but really - the book has a pink cover! What man is going to read this?
While I understand it's written by a male and a female, the perspective switches - sometimes the authors are speaking to a man ("your ex-lover calls and wants to catch up - she'll pay") and sometimes they are speaking to a woman ("let him have a night with the boys"). I see why this is done, but really - the book has a pink cover! What man is going to read this?
April 6, 2011
If you are single, and part of the "oh so fun" dating scene this is a must read! It is laugh out loud funny!!! Almost every chapter I could relate to the author and his humor about how dating SUCKS!!! But, marriage doesn't look any better... I'm okay with being single - single is great, and dating isn't that bad after all. Dating makes for funny stories later on in life, and also makes for books like this one - to give us single folk a breath of fresh air.
June 16, 2015
FULL REVIEW AT
THOSEDARNSOCKS.WORDPRESS.COM
Even though I am happily married, and have been for almost 4 years, I read this book and laughed out loud. The title caught my attention, and also realized that Mr. Holloway's father is married to my mom, so I was intrigued. I found myself screen - capping paragraphs of the book and sending it to my single friends and telling them they HAVE TO read this book.
5/5 stars!
THOSEDARNSOCKS.WORDPRESS.COM
Even though I am happily married, and have been for almost 4 years, I read this book and laughed out loud. The title caught my attention, and also realized that Mr. Holloway's father is married to my mom, so I was intrigued. I found myself screen - capping paragraphs of the book and sending it to my single friends and telling them they HAVE TO read this book.
5/5 stars!
December 15, 2008
I found this book strangely depressing. I think that the authors were just a bit too hip and cynical and cool for me. There wasn't much actual advice (which apparently I need) but there was a lot of "Once you start dating someone you will shun all your friends" and "All sex will stop once you get married." Sigh
November 16, 2008
i'm nearly finished this one and i think my friend Alex has already given me the valuable advice contained herein. i laughed aloud, a lot, because the writers are snippy and make cracks about the heart of our pop culture hang-ups. but, these quips (e.g. references to Lost) also date the book, so read it soon!
January 19, 2011
"He's Just Not That Into You" this book is not. It's also not "Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus" or "Mars and Venus on a Date". It's more like a pop culture based, more relevant breakdown of the modern dating process.
It's not THAT bad... But, I'd prefer Helen Fisher's slightly softcore anthropological research on dating than reading this book again.
It's not THAT bad... But, I'd prefer Helen Fisher's slightly softcore anthropological research on dating than reading this book again.
June 19, 2008
This book is co-authored by Dorothy Robinson, editor at Philly Metro. (Somebody update the entry!) It's actually funny! It almost makes me wish I didn't come up with my "If I know you personally and you get a book published you get five stars" rule.
September 22, 2008
I've never read a dating book before, and I can't imagine I ever will again, but I checked this one out for work and was pleasantly surprised. It's scathingly funny and a quick read. Definitely worth checking out whether you're single or not.
November 26, 2008
This one really did make me LOL, actually belly laughing, at work, at my desk, while on hold, while reading it.. Great writing, it reminds me a little of SexInTheCity. The reason for 4 stars and not 5 is, well its a dating book, dating will never rate 5 stars..
October 28, 2008
I hated this book! I hope I can write my own anti-dating book someday.
November 1, 2008
Very funny book. Best part was the discussion, from both the male and female sides, of whether or not a man should pay for dinner.
November 7, 2008
A scornful disparagement or a reverse-psychologic thriller in the dating universe? I cannot commend.
December 27, 2008
LOL funny!
February 16, 2009
Absolutely hilarious sarcastic "anti-dating" "anti-relationship" guide to dating and relationships.
March 13, 2009
absolutely hilarious! so so tongue and cheek and cynical it brought a tear to my eye. it DOES have some really good points, dished out in a beautifully sarcastic manner.
May 1, 2009
Annoying humor, trying way too hard, delivered little actual helpful information - in short, a bad choice for one of my first self-help books. At least I got it from the library!
Want to read
April 5, 2009Picked this up for a few minutes in the bookstore and laughed out loud so many times, I felt conspicuous.
April 17, 2009
Quite enjoyable--not full of the most useful advice ever, but a quick read and the advice that is useful is quite good.
March 27, 2010
So much potential. Dating still makes me want to die, that part of the book is correct ;)
July 2, 2009
apparently this is a necessity. we shall see...
January 28, 2011
Most of the advice involves drinking... and I'd like to think there are better methods. :)
December 10, 2012
Hilarious!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews